about partner booking a holiday?

(49 Posts)
NewStartinSpring Fri 12-Apr-13 15:09:08

So we are still a fairly newish couple - been together since the end of January. We were talking about taking our first holiday together and where we'd like to go etc.

Then yesterday he surprises me by booking something.

Whilst I think this is a lovely gesture, it would have been nice to have some input into where we're going on our first ever holiday.

Or am I just being unreasonable?

Depends. Where are you going? <Nosy>

IYoniWantToBeWithYou Fri 12-Apr-13 15:13:35

Are you happy with his choice?

Lueji Fri 12-Apr-13 15:15:50

Is it completely out of the blue?

Personally, it would at least be a yellow flag for me.

Lueji Fri 12-Apr-13 15:16:19

I meant, is it one of the places you said you wanted to go?

HairyGrotter Fri 12-Apr-13 15:19:14

I'd be flattered. I suppose it's just something he wanted to do for you? Maybe thought it a nice surprise, romantic gesture?

My DP buys gig tickets or stuff on the off chance as a surprise and I love it. Spontaneous is good IMO. Depends on the individuals though

livinginwonderland Fri 12-Apr-13 15:19:39

well, where are you going? if it's somewhere you've discussed, it's not a huge deal, but i wouldn't want my partner to book a holiday for us without talking it over with me first.

Lj8893 Fri 12-Apr-13 15:21:39

I'd love it if I was booked a suprise holiday.......especially if it meant they paying too hahaha!

popebenedictsp45 Fri 12-Apr-13 15:23:11

I wouldn't be very happy but I'm a bit of a control freak when it comes to holidays!

mirai Fri 12-Apr-13 15:26:06

It depends. Was it somewhere yous talked about, that you'd expressed an interest in?

fedupofnamechanging Fri 12-Apr-13 15:37:44

I wouldn't like it - it seems a little bit like he wanted his own way and has dressed this up as a nice surprise.

If it is somewhere that you wouldn't want to go, I would make him cancel it. It's early days for you two and you ought to let him know from the start what the ground rules are. For me, it is that decisions which affect me, I get to have an equal say in.

Squitten Fri 12-Apr-13 15:41:01

Depends. Is he also paying for it? Is it somewhere you want to go anyway?

specialsubject Fri 12-Apr-13 15:41:14

do you know you can get time off?
are you paying for any of it?
do you like where you are going?

bit 19th century, really.

Flobbadobs Fri 12-Apr-13 16:04:56

You know he could have just thought it was a nice romantic thing to do...

squeakytoy Fri 12-Apr-13 16:06:10

Is he paying for it too, or do you have to go halves?

currentbuns Fri 12-Apr-13 16:08:40

If he's paying, that's fine, as long as the destination isn't particularly grim. However, if he's expecting you to pay half for a holiday you had no say in choosing - that's completely unreasonable.

DialsMavis Fri 12-Apr-13 16:27:41

Agree with others. If he knew that you could get the time off easily and is treating you then I think it's OK.

NewStartinSpring Fri 12-Apr-13 16:36:14

Ok thanks smile I haven't said I was a little miffed and just acted all excited and happy.

It was just a nagging in the back of my head.

We do already live together, moved in after 4 weeks. So a holiday together should be no problem.

I'm curious though Lueji why would this constitute a yellow flag to you?

squeakytoy Fri 12-Apr-13 16:37:27

"We do already live together, moved in after 4 weeks. So a holiday together should be no problem"

not really sure what the issue is then to be honest... confused

StuntGirl Fri 12-Apr-13 16:38:24

Depends if its somewhere you wanted to go, if he's paying, and if it'll be easy for you to get the time off work. None of which you've answered so it's hard to say!

SoftKittyWarmKitty Fri 12-Apr-13 16:40:05

Personally I'd want 50% of the input into a shared holiday, so someone booking one without ok-ing the dates, destination etc with me would piss me off, frankly. But horses for courses and all that.

Hassled Fri 12-Apr-13 16:40:08

Did he book somewhere you actually want to visit - was it one of those places you talked about? If so, there's no problem. If he's booked a trip to Uraguay because he's always wanted to see the sunset there and sod what you want, that is a problem.

NewStartinSpring Fri 12-Apr-13 16:41:27

We hadn't really said exactly where we'd like to go, as in I never said I want to go to Rome or Paris.

But I am happy with where he has chosen.

GogoGobo Fri 12-Apr-13 16:46:41

So you live together, you see it as a lovely gesture and you are happy with what he has chosen?? Ummm, this is one of the most pointless AIBU I have ever read confused

currentbuns Fri 12-Apr-13 16:50:24

Did he ask you to pay half, or not?

MrsBethel Fri 12-Apr-13 16:54:13

If he's paying the lot, I'd be fine with it.

If he expects you to go halves on it, then he is well out of order.

NewStartinSpring Fri 12-Apr-13 16:58:57

Extremely rude Gogo

I was wondering if I was being unreasonable because I was a little put out that he booked it without asking me.

And there did that make me ungrateful.

Reading the replies I realised I was and should just be happy.

There's seriously no need to be so rude and dismissive.

Branleuse Fri 12-Apr-13 17:07:49

id be excited!! How romantic

squeakytoy Fri 12-Apr-13 17:10:08

is. he. paying. or. do. you. have. to. go. halves.??

is it a difficult question?? lol!!!

BarredfromhavingStella Fri 12-Apr-13 17:14:51

I'd see at as a nice surprise tbh, especially as you already live together...Seems like you're taking issue with it for the sake of it-not all men are controlling manipulative wankers you know hmm

SirChenjin Fri 12-Apr-13 17:15:09

No, you shouldn't 'have' to feel anything OP. Your initial reaction to something is usually the right one - so if it didn't feel right that he'd gone ahead and booked something then that is how you feel.

Did he not even text you from the travel agents and say "New, there is a fantastic deal here, what do you think?" Or is it such a wonderful, fabulous surprise of a place that you are just jumping for joy at the prospect of going there?

Fluffy1234 Fri 12-Apr-13 17:19:07

I think we need more info. Is it somewhere he knew you wanted to go? Is it his treat. Where are you going etc.

EuroShaggleton Fri 12-Apr-13 17:22:12

I'd be similarly conflicted OP. It's something I think I'd like as a concept (swept away on a nice romantic break without any of the hassle) but in reality I suspect I would prefer to have some input.

SirChenjin Fri 12-Apr-13 17:26:41

Yep, would definitely depend on the thought process behind it. If it was a place that I'd always wanted to go, or if it had a special meaning for me, something like that, then I'd be thrilled with it (I've been married for too long, this would never happen in reality!). If it was just a bog standard fortnight in Lanzarote (nice as that is) then I'd be a bit less thrilled.

seriouscakeeater Fri 12-Apr-13 17:51:12

I pretend that DH has a choice when really I pick every thing grin but when he took me away for surprise holiday it was ....well a nice surprise as he payed for the lot If he's paying enjoy, but if not id be a bit miffed! My taste is far superior to DH grin

maddening Fri 12-Apr-13 17:54:03

If he is paying as a treat then yabu.

If you are expected to pay then yanbu

Kiriwawa Fri 12-Apr-13 17:56:16

Are you having to pay your share?

StuntGirl Sat 13-Apr-13 01:22:11

I think the OP just wanted a bit of a stealth boast, I don't think she's coming back grin

currentbuns Sat 13-Apr-13 08:58:04

It's just sooooo exasperating when an OP willfully and repeatedly ignores the same key questions, without which, any response is meaningless confused

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Sat 13-Apr-13 09:28:18

I thought the whole booking of a surprise trip was considered romantic?

"pack a bag darling, I'm taking you to paris" sort of thing? I didn't realise it could be considered controlling or anything.

LovesBeingWokenEveryNight Sat 13-Apr-13 09:31:03

Jez he's booked a holiday and your being told it a flag confused

nkf Sat 13-Apr-13 09:32:43

The payment expectations are key. And not liking surprises is okay but, if you are like that, it's best to be with someone who doesn't go in for them. L

DreamsToGo Sat 13-Apr-13 09:33:26

If you're expected to pay then he's unreasonable. If it's on him then lovely.

But if we're never going to know either way then I second gogo with most pointless AIBU ever

nkf Sat 13-Apr-13 09:34:18

And "unreasonable" isn't the thing. It sounds to me as if you didn't really like it and you are trying to understand why.

Kiriwawa Sat 13-Apr-13 09:46:35

10 minutes of my life I'll never get back sad

Callisto Sat 13-Apr-13 09:53:51

Seriously, you moved in with a bloke you only met a month before shock and you're uncomfortable about him booking a suprise holiday for you? I think your're priorities may be a bit muddled.

Callisto Sat 13-Apr-13 09:54:10

your, not bloomin you're fgs.

Machli Sat 13-Apr-13 09:58:42

I'm with gogo.

But I feel that I need to know if the OP is expected to pay and where they are going?

4 weeks?? shock

i take it you don't have children OP?

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