to wish my Mother would stop taking my DD's out dressed really badly?

(71 Posts)
Yardley Wed 10-Apr-13 14:03:24

I know I am being really but...Mother is staying with us this week, doing us a huge favour and looking after DD's whilst I am at work.I have just spied Mother and DD1 walking past my work, with DD1 dressed in a combination of a top thats far too small for her (which was in a bag to go to the charity shop), pink jeans, (that clash badly with said top), and for some reason, school shoes.God Love her, she looked horrendous! (still gorgeous to me etc etc, but still, why would my Mother do that to her? Why?)

magimedi Wed 10-Apr-13 14:05:44

YABVU & ungrateful to your Mother who is giving up her time so you get free childcare.

Mumsyblouse Wed 10-Apr-13 14:07:07

How old is she? I suspect your mum let her dress herself!

No biggie, she's helping out and I'm sure your dd still looks cute.

TimeIsACurrency Wed 10-Apr-13 14:09:00

So lay your kids outfits on the bed so your mum doesn't have to go looking through wardrobes etc to find their stuff. Makes it a bit easier fo rher anyway.

YABU though you do already know that.

CockyFox Wed 10-Apr-13 14:09:55

I would also think she let her dress herself, my kids look a right state when they surprise me by getting up and dressed first at the weekend.

NippyDrips Wed 10-Apr-13 14:10:45

Mil sends dsd to us looking a state if she has been there over night.

I second laying the clothes out ready in the mornings.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Wed 10-Apr-13 14:12:17

OP my DH does this. He looks PAST the items which are nice and which fits and hones in on the faded, the tight and the downright tacky and pops those on our DDs.

I've given doesn't matter a bit what they wear as long as they are happy and comfy.

willyoulistentome Wed 10-Apr-13 14:13:14

I thought you were going to be complaining about your MOTHERS clothes.

Yes you are being a bit unreasonable. She's doing you a favour. Why don't you pick out the outfits for the kids the night before, then your Mum won;t have to look for clothes.

Thurlow Wed 10-Apr-13 14:13:56

YABU - but I feel your pain. Whenever DP dresses DD I just look at her and think - why? really, why? Colours, patterns, the whole lot just clash all the time. Sometimes I lay her clothes out the night before for him, but then I do that anyway if I have to get her up and dressed for the CM in the morning, so I pretend I put them out on auto-pilot.

If she's old enough to chose her clothes, just pretend any bad outfits were her decision!

Mumsyblouse Wed 10-Apr-13 14:14:52

When my DH looked after my dd2 for several days a week, I taught dd2 then about aged 2, to match clothes, so green with green, blue with blue, so that nothing too terrible happened otherwise she looked like a mad rainbow explosion of clashing colours, there were some corker outfits. I didn't really care though, you know YABU and so was I really as they had a great time together.

gail734 Wed 10-Apr-13 14:16:20

Ha ha! Reminds me of the time DH came to meet me, having bathed and proudly dressed a wriggling infant. But the little "tracksuit" he'd wrestled her into had little sleeping bunnies all over it so was, of course, jammies.

ChasingStaplers Wed 10-Apr-13 14:16:33

DD has just learned to dress herself and likes to 'express' herself. At first it annoyed me but now I just let her get one with it. As long as we're not at a wedding/christening etc and she's warm enough it doesn't matter what she wears.

tigerlilygrr Wed 10-Apr-13 14:17:50

YABU. My father in law refused to acknowledge any difference between leggings and tights. Many is the time I have seen my dd coming back from an outing wearing tights and a t-shirt, and the pram piled high with blankets to compensate for the cold. if they look after them and keep them warm, safe and fed, you can't complain!

whokilleddannylatimer Wed 10-Apr-13 14:19:49

Yab a bit U but I feel your pain.

My mum used to have clothes for dc at hers for when she stopped at weekends, made up of mismatched clothes she had bought in sale and charity shops, nothing wrong with that but they were often boys and I have girls and they were anything from age 8 to 12 when dc were much younger.

So mum would take dc out in huge clothes that didnt fit and were boys.

BackforGood Wed 10-Apr-13 14:26:12

YABtotallyU and ridiculous!
Now, you could have started a thread to say how lucky you are / how grateful you are to your Mum for looking after your dds while you work. Or, isn't she great that she doesn't just let them loiter in front of TV all day, but takes them out and about.
That level of nitpicking vies with the other ridiculous thread this morning about a MNer's 8 yr old wearing normal clothes for an 8 yr old, and this upsetting the mother. confused

oldwomaninashoe Wed 10-Apr-13 14:29:39

You are surely grateful to your Mum , but I feel your pain.
I'm a little strange that I cannot cope with things not co-ordinating, I know its odd but I have to avert my eyes if anyone near me is wearing too many different colours or wierd clothing combinations.

I couldn't have not rushed out of work and marched my dd home when I saw her, but I know I am a little OCD about this blush

CMOTDibbler Wed 10-Apr-13 14:36:00

YABU. As long as your child is at an appropriate temperature, it really doesn't matter what they wear.

TryingtobelessChunkyChick Wed 10-Apr-13 14:38:11

gail my DH did the same. I was in hospital & when he brought my 9mo DD in to see me, she was wearing pj bottoms & a completely clashing top. He also admitted about a year later he'd forgotten to belt her car seat in, until he went around a roundabout, so I guess it could be worse hmm

But yes OP, YAB a bit U. She won't die from bad clothes although you might from shame wink

WhizzforAtomms Wed 10-Apr-13 14:38:39

Reminds me when then-DH brought young DS to my work for the first time - clothes taken from the charity bag (way too small, scruffy and now covered in breakfast) and apparently a wheel had fallen off the buggy on the way in so he was kind of dragging it scratchily across the floor...

Thurlow Wed 10-Apr-13 14:43:19

Anyone thought this might be quite a light-hearted AIBU? grin

DP has also done the PJs as clothing routine. Changing from babygrows to PJs is obviously a dangerous manouevre...

silverangel Wed 10-Apr-13 14:44:15

I leave clothes out for mum and m-i-l who do childcare during the week and also for DH when he does childcare during school hols.

So YANBU for noticing but YABU for not preventing it!

Stepissue Wed 10-Apr-13 14:50:27

Magi - think this was a lighthearted op, no excuse to jump on the OP quite so eagerly hmm

hugoagogo Wed 10-Apr-13 14:52:22

Poor OP, she only wished her Mother wouldn't do it, not that Unreasonable.

Time to go through your dd's things and remove old/small things I suppose.

pinkyponk67 Wed 10-Apr-13 14:53:53

yup my DH does this too. I have even started putting DDs clothes into matching outfits in the drawer to make it easy but he still manages to put the oddest combinations together so she looks like a refugee. He also never notices if clothes are too small for her...

bunnymother Wed 10-Apr-13 14:57:34

YANBU. I have shuddered when I have seen some of the outfits our nanny dressed our DCs in, and also my DH. I very quickly started laying out clothes for them if I wasn't going to be dressing them. Yes, yes, really kind of your mum to take her out, but I appreciate it makes you wince to see your daughter in head to to pink/purple or weather inappropriate outfits. Bet you lay out her clothes tonight!!

RevoltingPeasant Wed 10-Apr-13 15:02:38

I'm honestly surprised anyone cares about their DC matching. My parents always let me 'express myself' in terms of clothing combinations, and I never really bothered about matching till I was about 25 11 or 12. If she were getting bullied at school or something, fine, but otherwise, who cares....

However I do realise this was light-hearted smile

DorcasDelIcatessen Wed 10-Apr-13 15:04:43

I let my kids wear pretty much anything they want as long as its weather appropriate and covers them decently. Its my mum who despairs and gets them looking "Like someone owns them". grin I agree its a lighthearted AIBU. Leave her be.

tigerlilygrr Wed 10-Apr-13 15:07:10

whizz that has really made me laugh!

megandraper Wed 10-Apr-13 15:14:02

I have shuddered when I have seen some of the outfits our nanny dressed our DCs in, and also my DH.

bunnymother - your nanny dresses your DH? confused grin

DorcasDelIcatessen Wed 10-Apr-13 15:16:26

bedhopper I resisted commenting on that. grin

bunnymother Wed 10-Apr-13 15:17:58

Ha ha, yes, she is Uber Nanny - nanny to us all. grin

Either that, or I have shuddered at our nanny dressing the DCs in outfits of her choosing, and also shuddered at the outfits my DH has chosen for the DCs. None have been great, let me tell you.

NoNoNoMYDoIt Wed 10-Apr-13 15:20:27

My DD is 4 and I haven't been able to choose her outfit for well over 2 years. Often she chooses a dress, skirt and trousers. All mismatching. Usually with a long sleeve tshirt as well. Last night she got wet in the garden so got changed into a t shirt with a pink tutu style skirt and a pair of shorts underneath and blue socks. Who cares?!

You were being lighthearted and you knew you were B a bit U. So I won't mention the last time I left my kids with my mother for an hour in public and this resulted in the police paying me a visit as she had been seen abusing my then 2yr old DD....

Yardley Wed 10-Apr-13 15:21:21

I DID lay them some clothes out before I left...but that plan clearly went awry...

And yes, I am aware that this isnt a state of the nation sort of issue...and that it wont affect DD's development in any way...I was being lighthearted-mostly grin.

That said, my Mum (who doesnt give a fig what she looks like-fair enough-up to her), once sent me to a friends party in a filthy pair of jeans and one of my Dad's jumpers, in which I had been assisting with the lambing all morning.I clearly remember, aged 7,(same age as DD1) being, (rightly or wrongly before people go crazy at me),a tad embarassed because everyone else looked at least vaguely pretty/not covered in sheep gunk...

bigfuckoffpie Wed 10-Apr-13 15:24:25

My DM bought 10mo DS a hideous multipack of pink and purple tights. I'm not too bothered about them obviously being for girls, it's that they're hideously patterned - even if I had a DD I still wouldn't like them.

DM teams them with camo jeans, his polka dot baby slippers and a t-shirt that goes with nothing else. Even although I've always already dressed him when she arrives, she'll find some pretext for changing all his clothes and always, always puts on the tights.

I've just hidden them in the cupboard.

BeCool Wed 10-Apr-13 15:26:22

She dressed herself - bless! She'll survive.

EndoplasmicReticulum Wed 10-Apr-13 15:26:24

My husband does this too. He will move the currently fitting stuff out of the way to get to the one forgotten too-small t-shirt at the back of the cupboard. Why?

Also, on several occasions I would point out that son 1 seemed to be wearing trousers that were mysteriously too small, and yet at the same time son 2's trousers were suddenly much too big for him....

He will also pick yesterdays clothes off the floor and put them on boys again, which isn't necessarily a bad thing because I'm not one of these people who insists on clean everything for everyone regardless. However I think it's worth a cursory glance to make sure that there is not more food visible than jumper.

KellyElly Wed 10-Apr-13 15:27:41

My DD's dad (my ex) often puts her in a pyjama top with a pair of jeans or a normal top with a pair of pj bottoms confused

MaidenDevon Wed 10-Apr-13 15:33:55

I've picked DD aged 2 up from nursery and DH had dressed her in a pyjama top to drop her off. Meh. It was clean, long sleeved and fitted, it could have been passed off as a top, no one knew except me (and DD who had asked him when he put it on her if they were going night night...)

You know YABU. Have a brew grin

redskyatnight Wed 10-Apr-13 15:35:30

Hang on ... DD1 is 7? YABU to expect your mother to have anything to do with choosing her outfit, surely she is old enough to do it herself?

SatsukiKusukabe Wed 10-Apr-13 15:36:54

I thought you meant inappropriate for the weather or something. it really doesnt matter

SleepOhHowIMissYou Thu 11-Apr-13 23:10:24

I feel your pain Yardley. You spend hours (and a small fortune) shopping for outfits that reflect your kid's personalities and that they'll deem to put on their backs without a battle, only to find that when it's grandparents or Dad dressing them, they'll happily go out looking like they fought their way out of the Oxfam bin. I picked my daughter (sorry but I hate the abbreviations) up from her friends yesterday to find her sporting a knotted mat of an Amy-Winehouse-esque beehive at the back of her head (she brushed her own hair) and her arse hanging out of tiny jeans like some sort of builder/baboon hybrid. Daddy dropped her round whilst I was at work. Still, could've been worse, not last night's pajamas after all.

SchnitzelVonKrumm Thu 11-Apr-13 23:15:25

My DH must spend ages going through the drawers finding clothes that don't go together for our DC.

thermalsinapril Thu 11-Apr-13 23:18:39


DioneTheDiabolist Thu 11-Apr-13 23:22:53

I love seeing DCs in really mismatched clothes. I love the fact that they are so unaware that some will judge them and just get on with the fun stuff in life.

Clashing clothes on children makes me grin.

DiscoDonkey Thu 11-Apr-13 23:27:52

I have a "lovely" keyring with a picture of DS in swimming trunks, socks up to the knees and school shoes on. Thanks nanny.

manicinsomniac Thu 11-Apr-13 23:39:27

Yes technically YABU but I totally understand your feelings. I have always been a single mum and had two daughters young - I'm afraid I treated them like my dress up dolls! Everything was matchy matchy and if they got dirty I changed them. Now even my youngest is nearly 6 and starting to complain if I choose her clothes. It hurts me to see them make a wrong choice I wouldn't make! grin

But I can clearly remember the first time I got up and dressed myself. My mum was running a camp for teenagers and when I woke up one morning she'd already left our room. So, instead of waiting, I got dressed and went to find her.
I wore: a pink ra-ra skirt with white polka dots, a red hooded sweatshirt, lime green tights and my trainers!
When I arrived in the dining hall, very proud of myself, my mother marched me straight back to the room to 'put something decent on.' I still remember being sad and confused about what I'd done wrong. I think I was 4.

So, although it makes me cringe inside, I let my daughters make their own choices when they were ready.

InSync Thu 11-Apr-13 23:51:06

OMG I thought your DD was a toddler.


7 year olds should be picking their own clothes in the morning surely?

My DD has been getting herself dressed without any imput from me for about 2 years and she's 5.

ScrambledSmegs Thu 11-Apr-13 23:54:54

My DPs looked after DD for a week last year. It happened to be during the Olympics, they got tickets and all three of them went envy

When my DM proudly showed me the photos I nearly died laughing. They'd let DD (2 at the time) chose her outfit. She went for her pyjama set! Luckily it was a shorts and t shirt combo, but was still quite obviously pj's. She looked so pleased with herself grin

deleted203 Thu 11-Apr-13 23:55:13

Ha! In the past I have gone to pick up DCs from nursery to have a lady say to me with a smile, 'A man dressed that child'. (And she was correct). DH would simply open drawers and take out the nearest garments. It doesn't appear to occur to him that clothes should perhaps match.

tigerdriverII Thu 11-Apr-13 23:56:50

YABU but you know it.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Fri 12-Apr-13 00:17:44

Some 7 year olds aren't really fussed about clothes though and would go out in their PJs....OPs DD may be like that. My own DD is 8 and hasn't let me choose her outfits for years but I DO have a say when she's going to a special event.

I've taught her some basic rules...such as Jeans OR a denim jacket DD not both together...leggings and a LONG top not a short t red, red and need to add something else. grin

She's getting there.

I've taken to buying my dd a kind of capsule wardrobe where everything matches everything else ( all from the same tesco shelfwith matching shoes suitable for the season it sounds posher that it actually is) in the hope that my OH can't feck it up. He still manages- we've had tights instead of leggings with a t shirt and sandles. Jammies instead of clothes. Clothes pulled from the charity bag at the bottom of the wardrobe which blatently don't match and are too small and he's fought to get her in them.
I've also had the comment, " Did daddy dress her today?" when I've picked her up from the childminder.
It's weird cos he always matches when he dresses himself. grin

Cherriesarelovely Fri 12-Apr-13 00:24:54

Well of course Yabu but I would be exactly the same! Never thought I would feel like that but there you go!

Cherriesarelovely Fri 12-Apr-13 00:25:48

Dangereuse I have had great success with that approach too!

YoniTrix Fri 12-Apr-13 00:28:24

Dangerous, are you me?!?!

DH drops DD at nursery and I pick her up. She always looks a state. For exanple, tunic that is meant to go with leggings with bare legs and no socks in the middle of winter. I have also picked her up and she was wearing pyjama bottoms. He has done the too small clothes out of the charity bag thing too, and never brushes her hair. It is mortifying!!

YoniTrix Fri 12-Apr-13 00:29:17

I am actually thinking of buying the nursery uniform as DH never gets DS's school uniform wrong!!

Ozziegirly Fri 12-Apr-13 05:50:11

My DH is a well dressed man but when he dresses DS he always manages to go for something with a stain (from a different drawer where I keep the old clothes for painting) or something way too big (also in different place to all the other clothes) or puts him in board shorts instead of normal shorts.

I used to look forward to seeing what kind of "refugee chic" ds would be sporting when they came to see me in hospital when I had ds2.

I just laughed ds2 off my boob at the pram wheel coming off post, he looked up at me with a face of quizzical indignation.

ParadiseChick Fri 12-Apr-13 06:29:17

My mil looks after my 1 year old ds once a week and for some inexplicable reason he comes home wearing not just one but two pairs of pajamas!

knackeredmother Fri 12-Apr-13 06:31:58

Bunny mother- my nanny does this too. Somehow manages to find the one item of clothing that is 2 sizes too small and hideous!
I definitely reccomend the laying out clothes approach!

exoticfruits Fri 12-Apr-13 06:39:20

It is just one of those things that you put up with. Mine had very odd combinations of clothes when DH was looking after them. I just inwardly winced and then ignored. However, in your case, I would lay clothes out the night before. Even then you will have to take pot luck with shoes. ( unless you hide the ones you don't want her wearing)

greenandcabbagelooking Fri 12-Apr-13 08:01:19

I teach ballet, and you can tell when dad has dressed the three year old because her leotard is back to front, her crossover isn't crossed, and her hair band has been pulled down rather than up.

They do look very cute like that.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Fri 12-Apr-13 08:04:23

Whatbis an "out dressed badly" , and why is you mother taking it?

gazzalw Fri 12-Apr-13 08:12:04

DW is the queen of matching clothes but DD somehow senses this, and without any help from anyone else manages to put together the most strange combinations of clothes. DW used to be shock but now just accepts that it's part of DD's quirkiness. DD is a bit of a 7 year old Nadia Auermann (she of the very, very long legs) so she tends to pull it off, regardless of how strange the mismatch - we just call it boho chic now wink

gazzalw Fri 12-Apr-13 08:13:11

PS, OP you are incredibly lucky to have an involved parent so count your blessings!

witchface Fri 12-Apr-13 08:29:23

My mum loves to tuck jumpers into jeans, jeans into socks and turn the sleeves up on coats where the arms were not too long to begin with! She did all this with me too and I am waiting for the day she takes dd shopping in pjs. She tells me no one knew but I was old enough to and she took me to bleeding m&s where they had them hanging on a rail. The shame!

wiltingfast Fri 12-Apr-13 09:00:53

Oh I hear you OP why o why can other people not see the gorgeous is looking hideous in awful outfit. My cm always insists she has plenty of clothes then dd arrive home in nasty too small ugly clashing clothes that sometimes are not even ours! Drives me cracked but I say nothing cause I don't want to rock theboat.

That said girl's clothes are quite tricky, so many bloody bits to them, coordinating dress, leggings, vest blah blah god it takes me time in the morning to pull an outfit together for dd so I have some sympathy for someone who is not used ro it.

I was sorting my kids clothes out recently and a I came across a suggeation where a woman uswd to fold outfits into a bundle together in the drawer so all anyone had to do was pull a bundle from the drawe and hey presto!

I wish I was that organised grin

RenterNomad Fri 12-Apr-13 09:21:47

Laughing at "a man dressed that child"!


exoticfruits Fri 12-Apr-13 09:39:35

DW is the queen of matching clothes but DD somehow senses this, and without any help from anyone else manages to put together the most strange combinations of clothes

Good for her-I instantly like her!

gazzalw Fri 12-Apr-13 09:43:31


I cant believe how the op has been jumped on, I read it as being a clearly light hearted observation.

My daughter dresses herself, we've had the tights as trousers (I do draw the line there), but I quite like the clashing patterns and things not quite matching.
There's time enough for her to look all pulled together and worry about things co ordinating. I only intervene if it's weather inappropriate or if we're going somewhere 'special'.

<disclaimer, I am not of the contrived wellies, mad hair and a tutu brigade in case it sounds like I am>. grin

tedmundo Fri 12-Apr-13 10:09:45

YABU .. I always think most little girls look a bit "mad bag lady" style at that age, and that is because they like to dress themselves!

It doesn't hurt anyone and gives them a chance to express themselves .. And for you to get lots of photos to embarrass them with in later years when they are über fashionistas!

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