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To be a bit uncomfortable with friend's behaviour...

(105 Posts)
wifey6 Tue 09-Apr-13 23:16:34

towards her children?
My friend & I have been friends since school..both have young children who play together weekly. From very early on I noticed she favoured her youngest DS. (They are 4 yo & 2 yo) The way she would give more attention, in ways of cuddles, time & even how she spoke to him.
It was the opposite with her eldest DS, who she would be (still is) very dismissive of.
She makes comments in front of her eldest that the youngest is 'more handsome', 'sweet', 'loving' etc.
the eldest does act up for attention but more worryingly has started agreeing with his mum that the youngest is all the things she says & that he isn't.
I don't say anything to her, but make every effort to reassure the eldest that he is 'handsome', 'loving' & 'caring' & really include him when playing with my own DCs.
Should I say anything to her about the favourtism & if I do, how do I handle it without causing offense?
Sorry for long post

thezebrawearspurple Tue 09-Apr-13 23:23:54

To be perfectly honest, she sounds like a nasty bitch, nobody with half a conscience would be able to treat a child that way. It's emotional abuse. I would tell her straight out and be blunt about it. I would also tell her that I couldn't be friends with someone who is so abusive, hurtful and nasty toward a child so if she isn't prepared to sort herself out, she can fuck off.

rockinhippy Tue 09-Apr-13 23:29:10

I can't answer you on how to raise it with the DM, its needs careful handling & how she takes it on board will depend on the reasons behind why she is doing it,

my own DM was very much like this & I now as an adult know her to be an out & out narcissist & my DB is the classic "golden child" & me the "scape goat" which in my DM case was a behavioural pattern steeped in her own childhood & therefore no matter how she was approached, it would be unlikely to make any difference, probably made her worse, as narcs are never wrong - in their eyes that it - so you need to post more about your friend, or read up on NPD to see if it might fit with her & if it doesn't, then you might fare better by talking to her.

That said, her DS is lucky to have your trying do hard to redress that balance for him, I was lucky to have a lot of extended family around me doing the same thing for me, so as a DC my DMs behaviour didn't affect my confidence as much as it might, quite the opposite in fact.

rockinhippy Tue 09-Apr-13 23:30:48

Gawd I hate autocorrect - I hope that gobledygook makes some senseblush

Fakebook Tue 09-Apr-13 23:32:42

Have you written about this before? Is the older child from another relationship? She doesn't sound like a very nice woman.

wifey6 Tue 09-Apr-13 23:35:09

rockinhippy..sorry to read you suffered a similar thing. But thankfully you had support around you.
I have offered to have her DS (4yo) to play without her coming too,so he can relax & play, but she will refuse by saying he doesn't deserve it.
She excludes him from their family outings etc too which has broken my heart if I'm honest. The 2yo DS is allowed to go, but the 4yo is deemed 'too naughty', 'disruptive', 'rude' etc.
All behaviour I believe is down to him being so aware of this treatment. hmm

wifey6 Tue 09-Apr-13 23:36:44

Fakebook...no haven't written about it before- wish I had to be honest as I've been witnessing it for a few months now but it's only been the last few weeks it's got worse.

candyandyoga Tue 09-Apr-13 23:47:12

Bloody hell, that poor boy sad
The more you put the more I feel for him.

You must say something, what does the dad think?

That poor little boy sad

Fakebook Tue 09-Apr-13 23:51:29

That's really really sad. A 4 year old is still a baby in my eyes. Do you know if she has any family you could confide in and maybe they could talk to her? A mother or sister?

Ouchmyhead Tue 09-Apr-13 23:53:54

That's so sad to read! How awful for that poor little boy, it must be horrible to be living in that environment. I know it will probably be really awkward and awful to bring up with her, but I think you should for his sake. What if he's just wanting some to stick up for him, you should show him someone is willing to put their neck out for him! I don't often feel really sad reading a post but that's really got to me. I hope you manage to talk to the mum and get their relationship back on track!

Sparklyblue Tue 09-Apr-13 23:55:14

Omg, 4 years old, my youngest is 4 years old and I couldn't imagine how this would affect her.
This breaks my heart sad

MsBella Tue 09-Apr-13 23:56:05

Y

Sparklyblue Tue 09-Apr-13 23:56:33

Please, please, help this little boy sad

MsBella Tue 09-Apr-13 23:56:50

Yanbu id feel very uncomfortable shock

babyinarms Wed 10-Apr-13 00:01:49

feel so sad for ghat little boysad sad . When I was a kid I spent a lot of time with an aunt who constantly told me I wasnt as pretty , clever , loving, friendly etc as my sister. It has had a long lasting affect on me and my confidence in myself. This has to stop . You need to approach it carefully and let her know you see whats going on and how it might affect the little man going forward. My aunt was more devious and only said these things when others were not around! I have cut all ties with her cos people like this only bring you down but this boy is defenceless ! good luck its not easy!

thezebrawearspurple Wed 10-Apr-13 00:11:03

Some people don't deserve to have childrenangry That's emotional abuse, she is going to seriously damage that child. Call ss.

thezebrawearspurple Wed 10-Apr-13 00:13:29

Or NSPCC on 0808 800 5000

rockinhippy Wed 10-Apr-13 00:21:27

Please speak to someone, it is emotional abuse - does this DS have a different DF ? - your friend needs help, her poor DS needs it far more - my DM blatantly favour my DB, but she would never have done half what your friend has done as regards punishments etc in your second post, that is just awful be young words sad

& try reverse psychology - say you'll take the DS to give your friend a break as you know he's winding her up & it will give her time alone with the little one - though I'm sure you know not to say that in front of the boy - she might buy it then

Good luck

lottieandmia Wed 10-Apr-13 00:23:32

This is really horrible, but unfortunately I doubt SS would do anything. It's highly likely that for your 'friend' to parent her children in such a toxic way she would have been parented that way herself.

I would avoid such a person tbh. It's awful for the older son but I don't see that there is anything that can be done.

If you raise it with her she will likely get very defensive imo.

Blu Wed 10-Apr-13 00:33:13

I would Ask her directly, when she says those things, if she really bieves them. Say "I often hear you say that , do you really think your DS2 is more handsome etc?" And if she says yes say 'don't you think it might be a self fulfilling prophecy , telling DS 1 he is naughty etc all the time?" Then tell her what lovely boy her DS1 is and how she can be proud, and ask her what it is she sees in him that makes her want to criticise him. I would tell her that it must be v tough on him.

lisbethsopposite Wed 10-Apr-13 01:04:33

F**k this makes me want to cry.
You know the way they video people on tv and people are really surprised at their own behaviour. Well could you record the children in the playground, say things to elicit her comments and then let her see the recording and her DS reaction. You must must must help this child.

MammaTJ Wed 10-Apr-13 01:19:17

I have three children and I am proud to say, each one of them is convinced they are my favourite, and long may that be the case.

My eldest was my 'only' for 10 years, and during that time, we did develop a strong bond. It was shakey when she hit the teens and she even left home at 14, to move in with her Dad. Now she is 18 and has rung me at midnight, just to chat and comment on a pinterest item I had pinned. DD2 came so close to dying when she was born, of course she is special, she has (undiagnosed as yet) ADHD and is a handful but a 'mini me'. That makes her special. My DS is my baby, even now at 6 and always will be. My only boy too, so that makes him special (even though, once I had one girl, I was not bothered what I had).

Rambling a bit, sorry.

What I am trying to say is that all my children feel they are special in my eyes, but somehow, they all feel I love them loads. I am far from the perfect parent, but I am a million miles away from making one the 'pet' above the others and making another feel bad because of it. I just do not understand how a mother could do that.

As someone said above, is there a relative who could have a word, rather than it coming from you?

howdoo Wed 10-Apr-13 01:57:01

Cannot believe that someone would do that to their child.

My DS1 is convinced that we are easier on DS2 than him, and I have bent over backwards 1. to not be, and 2. to show him I am not. Over the months, I really want to show him that he is wrong when he says DS2 always gets more marshmallows than me in his cereal etc.!

Agree with other posters that I would read her the riot act. She is not only screwing up DS1 but also DS2 - he will have dreadful guilt/resentment when he is older. There are so many threads on here about how hard it is to be the golden child.

Mamma, am very impressed that you have managed to make all your children feel equally loved!

wifey6 Wed 10-Apr-13 07:26:30

Sorry for delay in replying...my DS woke up with tummy ache last night hmm
Every post has really helped, thank you all. And it saddens me that a lot of you can speak from personal experience. hmm
I've googled emotional abuse & feel a bit more clued up on how to approach. I really like the reverse psychology idea, I think she would respond to that.
When our DSs were playing the other day I asked her 'you don't really think DS2 is more handsome than DS1 do you?' And her response 'of course, look at him. He's my everything'. This is what prompted me to post on MN, I want to help her DS1 but also help her- this behaviour isn't right on any level. I've always believed a child's self-esteem is so fragile & needs building - not destroying.
Sorry for not name-checking, on phone & very temperamental!

wifey6 Wed 10-Apr-13 07:33:11

Unfortunately there's no-one I can confide in in RL that could talk to her. Her DH is just as bad & controlling (from what she has told me). He is emotionally & mentally abusive (again, what she has told me).
I think she suffers his cruel words/ways & then does it to DS1 confused
(Both DC are his)

pigletmania Wed 10-Apr-13 07:49:25

She sounds like a nasty woman and as you have known her for so long I would not hesitate but be open bad frank to her. Invite te older ds round and if she says that he does not deserve it you pull her up on that, it's emotional abuse and very very sad

vivizone Wed 10-Apr-13 07:50:54

How can you stand back and watch?

You are asking for advice on how to handle her so you don't offend her?

How can you even be friends with her?

By you not saying anything to her, you're enabling this abuse on a very young child. It is abuse.

I wish I hadn't read this. Really upsetting.

wifey6 Wed 10-Apr-13 07:57:43

Thank you for making me feel worse vivi...I am hardly just 'standing by' & allowing this to happen. I am doing my best to help them both, even if that is just having them over to mine & keeping an eye on things & trying to spend time with her DS1.
Her behaviour in this situation aside, she is a lovely friend & therefore I feel there's a 'break-down' somewhere between her & her DS1.

spottyock Wed 10-Apr-13 07:58:15

Oh my, this is so upsetting. That poor boy, I could cry for him.
I have no advice at all but this situation cannot be left to fester. She needs help parenting and that poor boy needs help to try and build up self esteem, and to know he is loved.

pigletmania Wed 10-Apr-13 08:01:51

She does not sound lovely. Really I would be open and honest this cannot go on

pigletmania Wed 10-Apr-13 08:02:39

If she says nasty things about her ds you pull her up on it

Lovelygoldboots Wed 10-Apr-13 08:05:15

Wifey, did she struggle when her youngest was born, maybe with pnd or did you see emotional abuse escalate from her marriage? You say you knew her as a child. Did her own mother treat her this way? Would anyone else help, eg her sibling? I think ringing nspcc is a good idea, I am sure they will help. I think you should be Frank with her. I hope you can help her and her son. Posting here is a good start.

wifey6 Wed 10-Apr-13 08:05:53

Have just sent her a text inviting them all over today for a play-date. She was reluctant at first as said 'DS1 would play up'. She finally agreed to pop over this morning, so I'm going to mention it.
The helpful posts on here have definitely helped.

wifey6 Wed 10-Apr-13 08:11:26

Lovely, she said she never felt 'connected' to him (DS1) when we spoke last week (I was saying I was anxious about juggling 2 DCs when my DS2 arrives soon)
I advised that she spoke to someone as sometimes those feelings don't go away if unresolved & she shrugged it off & said 'you just learn to get on with it'. I still urged her to seek advice & even advised a great HV. Just didn't seem, at the time she was taking it in. So maybe it is PND from DS1, unresolved & therefore causing all this.

Lovelygoldboots Wed 10-Apr-13 08:13:23

There is always a risk that by being very frank that you risk alienating her and losing the opportunity to help her son. I understand the dilemma you are in.

wifey6 Wed 10-Apr-13 08:15:13

Thank you lovely...after a previous post- I now feel by not saying anything (as not knowing how to deal & just keeping an eye & keeping them 'close') I'm 'allowing' this to happen sad which could not be further from the truth.

Lovelygoldboots Wed 10-Apr-13 08:16:46

She really needs to address this. She sounds very unhappy. Could your own health visitor help? Could she be there at a playdate you arrange?

wifey6 Wed 10-Apr-13 08:19:33

She doesn't have a HV as 'doesn't see the point', but yes, I could always speak to mine as she is very kind.
I'm going to chat with my friend today & see if that helps.

Cakecrumbsinmybra Wed 10-Apr-13 08:19:38

OP is not standing back and watching vivi; she's asking for advice on how to help in a tricky situation. I don't really know what to suggest though OP - does your friend have any extended family members around?

wifey6 Wed 10-Apr-13 08:23:04

Thank you cake...no she doesn't. Her family aren't local & has no relatives here either.
Reading it, if she had (has) PND, no family support, a controlling husband & only myself & a few other friends around her- she is no-doubt struggling herself (not that it excuses her behaviour) but obviously indicates that she needs help- which is all I want for her- so both her & her DS1 can re-build their relationship

pigletmania Wed 10-Apr-13 08:23:09

Thats a god idea wifey she needs help now and you as her friend has to help her realise this and the impact on her behaviour on her ds

pigletmania Wed 10-Apr-13 08:23:49

Mabey arrang the hv to come on a play date as others have suggested

Lovelygoldboots Wed 10-Apr-13 08:24:49

A shame there is no health visitor and a bit of a worry tbh. I hope you can help but it sounds like there needs to be some intervention. I don't think you can handle this all on your own.

wifey6 Wed 10-Apr-13 08:27:50

I've just researched locally & there is a parenting class from birth to 5. I'm going to suggest we go together as I'm due in a few weeks & will say I dont want to go alone & ask for her support. It says there's a crèche for the children to play while the mums get to learn different techniques, strategies etc. Good idea?

hwjm1945 Wed 10-Apr-13 08:28:29

I have seen similar stuff,sounds like she has not bonded with him at all.could you discuss this with her as a possibility?would counselling help? Would she go?

wifey6 Wed 10-Apr-13 08:30:33

I think if she feels it's for me- she will go. I don't want to come on too strong as I don't want to alienate her or feel I'm 'attacking' her.
I will suggest it this morning when she comes over.
It also offers advice from HV about all forms of depression, PND etc.

Lovelygoldboots Wed 10-Apr-13 08:35:38

The parenting classes sound like a good idea. I hope you can help wifey. I would tell your own health visitor anyway as she may be able to help also.

wifey6 Wed 10-Apr-13 08:38:09

I've printed out the info, so will let you all know how it goes as she will be here soon.
Thanks all for your advice

pigletmania Wed 10-Apr-13 08:44:50

Yes I think that you need to take her with you to those are ting classes. Also have a diplomatic and frank discussion with her about feelings and depression, the affect her feelings towards her ds1 might have on him. You don't need to go guns blazing shouting ad accussing, but have an open and honest civilised discussion.

NotProudOfThis Wed 10-Apr-13 08:45:19

Okay.
I've name changed because I expect wrath.and rightfully so.

DC1 has always been,umm, high need.
DC2 has always been an 'easy' child.
This is very evident in their behaviour and always has been.

When DC1 was born I was very ill,I didn't know it but I was,I had PND and psychosis,I wasn't diagnosed until 3 and a half years later,just after DC2 was born.

For those first months I did favour DC2,I was pretty obvious with it looking back.
I can't explain it really,I didn't know how to cope with the feelings I had.
They were terrible,terrible feelings and they make me feel such a raging guilt now when I think of them.

If someone had pointed it out I would have been horrified,But I also would have been much more likely to seek help sooner.
If someone pointed out how wonderful my DC1 was and told me what it would be doing to her....or even just telling me what I was actually saying to her...and how often...that is was bad enough they had noticed...I don't think I really knew...

DC1 and I have spent the last 2 years rebuilding our relationship,it's been hard,very hard on her,but she is a very strong and resilient child and luckily for her she had her wonderful dad and Gp's around who kept her confidence boosted.
The hardest thing was accepting how I'd been to her for all that time.

What I'm trying to say,I suppose,is if you can let this woman know,gently,what she is doing,it may turn her and her DC's life around completely. I expect she'll be hugely embarrassed and shocked,but it sounds much worse than the situation we were in and they both need someone to say something.

I wish someone had said something to me.

pigletmania Wed 10-Apr-13 08:45:40

Mabey slip her some leaflets during the discussion about PND in a nice non confrontational way

pigletmania Wed 10-Apr-13 08:47:57

I am so pleased not proud op read notprouds advice it's a good idea to gently talk to her about it and how her dc1 might be feeling because of her feelings

BegoniaBampot Wed 10-Apr-13 08:51:33

I would find this very difficult. it happened to a friend of mine. she never bonded with her youngest, said the child was naughty, disobedient etc. child was excluded from family holidays and outings and then sent away at the age of five so is no longer part of the family. my friend obviously has real issues and needs some help but her child's welfare should have come first.

wifey6 Wed 10-Apr-13 08:57:25

notproud...thank you so much for your honesty. I'm glad to hear you & your LO have re-built your relationship.
I will definitely be saying something when she arrives, obviously in a caring way.

wifey6 Wed 10-Apr-13 08:58:16

Begon....that's terribly sad about your friend & her LO sad

ppeatfruit Wed 10-Apr-13 08:59:22

Notproud Your post has made me cry sad and feel that you are amazing to be aware of your past and try your hardest to put it right Many many congratulations on that. Your DC1 is lucky that you are coming to terms with it and that she knows you love her.

wifey its great that your friend has you to look out for her well done

wifey6 Wed 10-Apr-13 09:01:56

ppeat...just hope I can help more practically than just offering support & play-dates. She's on her way, so will update you all later. Thank you all, I feel more confident & equipped to help them from all your helpful, honest advice. thanks

pigletmania Wed 10-Apr-13 09:16:30

You could also tell her tat mabey te reason why her ds is 'naughty' is because she keeps telling him so he's playing the part and also trying to get mums attention even if it is negative

glossyflower Wed 10-Apr-13 09:50:21

It is very sad and YANBU.

I knew someone who favoured her younger DD over DS. DD was ALL she's talk about and we'd never hear stories of DS.
One day I noticed her keys had a keyring picture of DD but the other side where a photo could be placed was an advert for a car repair shop.
I casually asked why there was no photo if DS and she shrugged it. Then I suggested it was favouritism to which she replied "well we ALL have favourites don't we?"
I was shocked and she's no longer my friend.

pigletmania Wed 10-Apr-13 10:05:24

Glossy shock what a cow some people don't deserve children

wifey6 Wed 10-Apr-13 10:08:07

glossy...that's so sad & awful of your friend's behaviour.
My MIL has favourites within her 4 DC which I just can't get my head around & openly will admit it, even in front of the other DC.

wifey6 Wed 10-Apr-13 10:15:19

Ok...so friend arrived just after I posted at 9am & we have casually chatted & her DS1 said 'I'm naughty & not cute'...'DS2 is better, mummy says'.
So I approached her with it & she went a bit embarrassed & said 'well its true'. I told her it wasn't & what wonderful qualities her DS1 has & how lucky she even is to have 2 healthy DS's. I also said that I'd read how vital building their self-esteem is, especially so young, to which she said- 'I just don't feel it'.
I then suggested we go to the birth-5 class so we could meet new people etc. she said her DS1 would be naughty...I told her to give him a chance to be good & to a least see what happens before assuming he will be.
She started to open up & said she just hasn't ever felt the same about DS1 & I then urge her to seek help, HV, counsellor etc as they both deserve to be happy as he loves her so much. I did cry & couldn't help it - blame it on the hormones. She then did too & said she would try but felt embarrassed. I have offered to go with her as support & she has agreed. She had to leave at 10am so only a quick chat- but she said she felt better for being honest & said she didn't realise how bad things were.
Do you think that was ok what I did?

edwardsmum11 Wed 10-Apr-13 10:18:57

I think it was good what you said but don't believe she's gonna change, tbh.

wifey6 Wed 10-Apr-13 10:18:59

I'm under no illusion though that things will change over-night, but I do believe she wants to change things now. Just hope she accepts my offer & I'll be keeping my offer open of support.

glossyflower Wed 10-Apr-13 10:20:56

wifey you absolutely did the right thing, you approached her in an honest and sensitive manner. I'm sure no mother would want to deliberately make her child feel like that so bringing it to her attention that its quite noticeable is probably the eye opener she needed.
Also I thought it was very lovely of you to offer to go to groups with her. What a sweet friend you are smile maybe she had PND with DS1 and has found it difficult to bond with him.

acceptableinthe80s Wed 10-Apr-13 10:23:11

You sound like a brilliant friend OP. I think you've approached it perfectly. Am sure your friend doesn't enjoy feeling like this, she needs help and she's lucky to have you on side.

wifey6 Wed 10-Apr-13 10:23:24

Thank you...just hate to think of her struggling & worse, her DS1 suffering because of it. I have a DS & DS2 on the way & I can't imagine feeling how she describes..so I want to help her.

WottingerAndWottingerAreDead Wed 10-Apr-13 10:24:35

Well done, I think you handled it brilliantly. she's thinking about it, she opened up - a bit - she knows its upsetting you which might help her start to think about why it would be upsetting.

Go in all guns blazing and she'd be defensive and you'd lose any chance of helping her son, via helping her.

wifey6 Wed 10-Apr-13 10:25:49

She's just messaged & said she has booked an appointment for next week with her doctor. She has asked me to go which I've said I would. I'm hoping this is a step forward for them both.

choceyes Wed 10-Apr-13 10:35:07

That's great OP. It's really sad reading this thread. Poor little boy.
I had my DD 21 months after DS, and for awhile I did go through a phase of "disliking" DS (still loved him so much though) when he was naughty and I was struggling with a toddler and a baby. But I never said DD was better in any way than him. That is such a damaging thing to say to a child.
Also sounds like your friend has an abusive DH. Does she want to take steps to deal with that?

wifey6 Wed 10-Apr-13 10:37:08

choc...she never thinks her DH actions are wrong, so for now I'm just pleased she is showing signs of wanting to get help to improve her relationship with her DS1.

BegoniaBampot Wed 10-Apr-13 10:47:22

Wifey - I don't think you could have handled this any better, truly well done you. Hope this is the start of your friend trying to make things right.

There was an interesting article a while back in I think the DM that was discussed on here. It covers this and how some mums turn cold towards their first child when a baby comes along. Might try and find it.

wifey6 Wed 10-Apr-13 10:51:32

beg...thank you. I was doubting if I should do it properly as to not make things worse & could have kicked myself for crying- but I feel it helped her to open up a little.
Oo thank you - I will see if I can find that article/thread too.

fromparistoberlin Wed 10-Apr-13 10:53:26

well done OP, you have really tried to be a good person here

whilst I understand the people that say "I would dump her as a friend" I can see that you risk losing a chance to help her child

well done, and keep at it

you are the ONLY person that might be able to help this child

xx

Lara2 Wed 10-Apr-13 10:58:29

I've been a teacher for almost 30 years and you wouldn't believe how common this favouritism if one child over another is - to the point of neglect. It's incredibly sad sad

wifey6 Wed 10-Apr-13 11:04:58

You have all been so kind with your advice, help & encouragement to talk to my friend. I hope that the appointment next week is the start of help for them both.

rockinhippy Wed 10-Apr-13 11:06:40

Well done from me too, I am so glad she was open to listening, that's a great & very hopeful start, she's very lucky to have you as a friend, her DS especially isflowers

pigletmania Wed 10-Apr-13 11:08:02

Well done op you are a fantastic friend and did te right thing. I was going to suggest going to te doctor with her but you are doing it next week. Very good outcome grin

wifey6 Wed 10-Apr-13 11:09:40

Hormonal crying again...you are all so kind. thanks

ppeatfruit Wed 10-Apr-13 11:12:40

Wifey IMO you couldn't have handled it better, bloody brilliant!!!! She needed the cue you gave her to cry it's making me cry now. Also the fact it wasn't a formal heart to heart was great.

Let's hope she is now thinking hard about her attitude also about her DH.

PuggyMum Wed 10-Apr-13 11:30:56

Hello wifey6. I have no words of wisdom to add except to say reading this thread had also made me cry (blaming hormones too as 14 weeks with dc1!).

Your friend is lucky to have you.

thanksthanksthanks

ppeatfruit Wed 10-Apr-13 11:35:30

Puggy YYY I agree, I can't blame my hormones though!

fromparistoberlin Wed 10-Apr-13 11:48:18

a lump in my thoat, and NO hormones to blame either

keep us posted Op x

Apileofballyhoo Wed 10-Apr-13 15:31:36

Well done wifey. The world needs more people like you.

Lovelygoldboots Wed 10-Apr-13 15:53:16

Good news wifey, you've handled that really well.

vivizone Wed 10-Apr-13 15:57:16

Hi op. Sorry for earlier msg - it was wrong of me to say that to you. You have handled the situation really well, something I would have struggled with.

MammaTJ Wed 10-Apr-13 16:06:44

Well done to you. You handled a difficult situation very well.

flowers

everlong Wed 10-Apr-13 16:18:25

' I don't say anything to her '

Why not?

I would.

everlong Wed 10-Apr-13 16:20:47

I'm sorry, just seen your update.

Well done for saying what you did. Hopefully she will get the appropriate help.

EldritchCleavage Wed 10-Apr-13 16:22:49

Bloody hell, you are brave and a very good friend. Well done.

candyandyoga Wed 10-Apr-13 19:12:59

I feel so sorry for the little boy sad

ChippingInIsEggceptional Wed 10-Apr-13 19:25:03

You did really, really well flowers

I hope that things get sorted out for her so that her DS1 doesn't have any more of this inflicted on him. I hope she lets you, the Dr, the class & others help. I'd love an update from time to time smile

youmaycallmeSSP Wed 10-Apr-13 19:38:39

OP you sound like a lovely friend.

wifey6 Wed 10-Apr-13 19:41:19

Thanks all for your lovely messages.
Been out with my DS today so only just logged back in.
Will absolutely keep you all posted on her progress.
Thank you all again for your encouragement, advice & help to approach this in the way it needed.

Hissy Wed 10-Apr-13 19:49:45

Vipers, the lot of us eh? <sniff>

Well done OP, I gasped when I saw her message, I really hope she does go, you can't let her cancel!

Blu Wed 10-Apr-13 20:10:57

Really well done, OP.
She does need help not condemnation, and she has a great friend in you.

redwellybluewelly Wed 10-Apr-13 20:23:26

Well done wifey

I wanted to say that my mother has sibce the day my younger sibling was born favoured her. I've now gone no contact with either of them and I'm finally figuring out just how damaging their treatment of me was. I'm 35. If more family and friends who now say they saw it all along had stepped in then I would still be in touch.

lisbethsopposite Wed 10-Apr-13 20:49:22

well done wifey . I am relieved she was open. 2 fab DS here too. Good luck with your #2.

cjel Wed 10-Apr-13 20:53:02

You must contact some professional for help. I don't know if NSPCC or childline help but this family really need support more than you can give.

DoctorAnge Wed 10-Apr-13 22:13:43

Poor little boy.
Thank God he has you. It seems like you are the only one fighting his corner. How lovely and sensitive you are.

flaminhoopsaloolah Wed 10-Apr-13 22:36:23

Nothing useful to add OP...just wanted to say you are a bloody amazing friend/person.

olivertheoctopus Wed 10-Apr-13 22:42:48

Well done OP. so pleased you were able to say something and get through. That takes real guts.

cjel Wed 10-Apr-13 22:48:57

Don't know how my previous post got this far down . I posted before you had spoken to her. You did fantastic job and hopefully , like you say it will be the start of the family getting the help they need.x

ppeatfruit Thu 11-Apr-13 09:49:26

wifey Do let us know how it all goes.

cjel Thu 11-Apr-13 11:09:51

Thinking of you today, hope you are okx

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