...not to buy my 5.5 ds either a wii/ds/game console...

(63 Posts)
Aliway Tue 09-Apr-13 21:47:03

when it seems virtually every child in his peer group has one. It is all they seem to discuss Mario/skylanders etc... Thats it really :-)

ilovepowerhoop Tue 09-Apr-13 21:50:10

you big meanie

virtually every child in his peer group has one

That's what he tells you grin

Like every other boy is my DS class had Call of Duty (in Yr 6)

Of course they did DS, of course they did.

snowmummy Tue 09-Apr-13 21:54:33

YANBU. End of.

ilovepowerhoop Tue 09-Apr-13 21:55:48

to be fair most of them probably do have some sort of game console.

The two schools of thought ... Either don't or do it under strict controls.

I have bought my son and daughter a wii - it is restricted to a short time on weekends only when my son has earned his stars ....(done what has been agreed)

My son responds well to the threat of having this right removed when I want him to do things ... He is a real 'stick' personality

auntmargaret Tue 09-Apr-13 22:00:32

YABU. And a bit of a Luddite.

suebfg Tue 09-Apr-13 22:00:58

YANBU. My DS isn't allowed one but he does play on our ipad sometimes.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Tue 09-Apr-13 22:01:17

I told my two aged 6 and 4 that they were far too young for such extravagant presents. My friend then bought her 5 and 2 yo's an iPad each.


Aliway Tue 09-Apr-13 22:03:28

Feeling a bit down about it - took him to play at a friends place today with two other kids, they were talking non stop about games and he couldn't really join in they were correcting his 'mistakes' when he tried to join in. He started to cry sad... I am a bit worried that this carries on at school. It seems to feature more with the boys (in this instance) that many of them do appear to have these games as I have seen them with them and discussions with other mums.

Wii to share .... Not each !!

HollyBerryBush Tue 09-Apr-13 22:06:14

Everything in moderation. It is very isolating when your peers have a common interest and you can't join in.

TigerSwallowtail Tue 09-Apr-13 22:06:29

DS just turned 6 and uses the family wii, I don't think I'd buy him one all to himself at that age as they're so expensive and I doubt he'd use it that much aside from playing Skylanders. He has his own iPod touch but it's 2nd hand, so I'd probably buy a games console just for him 2nd hand rather than brand new.

Aliway Tue 09-Apr-13 22:06:34

itsjustafleshwound- that sounds like a very good idea, a bit more balanced and a workable compromise...

I suppose my issue is that instead of just saying 'no' perhaps by ensuring the games are age appropriate and time is limited, it isn't exactly going to fry their brains ....

ilovepowerhoop Tue 09-Apr-13 22:09:49

we have a family Wii and xbox - it is in the living room rather than in a bedroom and the kids play it together. They do have 3DS consoles too and can play some games against each other/play them against their cousins when we visit them. It means they interact rather than being in their own wee world.

My DC are older (DS is 13, DD 11) and they each have an iPod,
DS has X-Box
DD has Wii
DS has a Nintendo DS
DD has a DSi.

I can honestly say the iPods are the most used out of all of them (but DS loves his X-Box)

BTW before anyone is horrified at me spoiling my DC, they are all birthday or Christmas presents (the more ££ they used their Christmas money to pay half and DH & I paid half) That way they look after them.

iPod are the cheapest out of them all too.

Aliway Tue 09-Apr-13 22:14:03

HollyBerryBush- I am very conscious of what you are saying because this is what I think is happening to him it was very apparent today.

TigerSwallowtail Tue 09-Apr-13 22:39:30

Would you be willing to get one for the family instead and keep it in the livingroom so he could use it but it wouldn't be solely his? That's what we do, DS is supervised when playing it and can't play it for long periods at a time, and we can watch Netflix and on-demand things with the wii too. There are also lots of fun family games you can get for you all to play together.

If it's the price that's overwhelming, there are good pre owned deals in lots of games shops.

chandellina Tue 09-Apr-13 22:40:03

I have no intention of ever buying any type of game player for my now reception age ds. Fortunately it's not an issue so far, I can how it could be, but hopefully being the odd one out will build character. Or he's welcome to pick it all up at friends' houses.

HollyBerryBush Tue 09-Apr-13 22:46:49

As far as I'm concerned, the xbox is the tool of Satan and I was sooooo happy when it got the ring of death thing and died.

Now, people can sit with bosom hoiking a'la'Les Dawson all they like, but the world moves on, media moves on.

When mine were the age yours are now life was more simplistic. A Gameboy Colour and you shoved a pokemon cartridge in it!

I'm no advocate of unfettered internet access, which sadly a lot of these devices now have - and children are canny enough to get round them.

Just remember, ICT is on primary school curriculum, children are exposed to media and are media savvy far quicker than we are.

YellowandGreenandRedandBlue Tue 09-Apr-13 22:48:37

What I think is he is your child and you should do as you think right.

Bollocks to whether other kids have them.

When I was a kid we had no telly. Everyone talked about telly. Didn't matter, we were still friends.

If they are friends they will find common ground. If all these kids have to talk about is consoles, maybe he needs more interesting friends. The fact they laughed at him sounds like they were mean.

Don't compromise your parenting values just to fit in. if you are really not in favour, go with it.

YellowandGreenandRedandBlue Tue 09-Apr-13 22:49:46

Sorry, I see they weren't laughing, I misread, but otherwise my post stands!

lecce Tue 09-Apr-13 22:58:06

I have been thinking of posting something like this as I think my ds1 (6) may be having similar experiences to yours.

It annoys me (though I know I'm being UR) that people seem to start them so young on these things. I'm by no means a ludite and ds has a leappad and some access to the laptop, but it saddens me a little that some of his school friends seem to only be interested in skylanders, angry birds etc

Ds loves history, dinosaurs and science and loves using his imagination, playing about with random objects enacting and combining stuff he has read about in books or seen in documentaries. However, other dc don't seem to play this way and it seems we need to encourage him to develop these other interests and pay out a considerable sum for the kit, when he is happy playing with a broken fishing net, various bits and bobs, lego and his dressing up stuff.

Sorry for the rant - YANBU in a way, but I know how you feel about wanting him to fit in...

willyoulistentome Tue 09-Apr-13 22:59:23

I bought my lads a wii and it has been banned so many times, cos ds1 had AS and I can't get him off it and he can't play cooperatively. I wish to god I had never gone there. However the AS makes it harder than it should be. If you are confident you will be able to stick to time restrictions then it won't do any harm if it is used in moderation and the games are age appropriate.

Fakebook Tue 09-Apr-13 23:00:26

My dd is 5.5 and doesn't even know what a game console is I think. We do however have iPhones and an iPad and the laptop in the house on which she can play educational games or those stupid cake/cookie/candy floss making games.

Has your DS asked for one? I think there's nothing wrong with having computer games as long as you set a specific amount of time a day and stick to it.

YellowandGreenandRedandBlue Tue 09-Apr-13 23:06:30

Lecce - are you saying your DS doesn't want one but you think he should to fit in? I really disagree, he will find his type of people. Your DS sounds very similar to my friend's DS, maybe they'd be great friends.

Better to be your true self than try to fit in.

kawliga Tue 09-Apr-13 23:13:16

I agree with Yellow, very well put.

My dd is 5.5 and does not have a wii/ds/console of any sort. None of her friends have them. On playdates they just play with normal toys or they run around chasing each other playing tag etc. They are young enough still to enjoy simple games, really! She plays with boys too, and they just pretend to do sword-fighting with sticks as far as I can see.

Adding to what Yellow said, you have to get into the right approach ready for when ds is a teenager and ALL hmm his friends seem to do things or go places that you don't agree with at all. If you can't resist it at age 5.5 what about when ds is 13? And then the stakes are much higher than a wii.

Not sure what a wii is by the way but I'm assuming it's affordable and harmless fun, when they're older they might be asking for things that you really don't agree with/can't afford. Start as you mean to continue!

kawliga Tue 09-Apr-13 23:19:16

Another thought, you could try taking ds to activities that you think he would like, and hopefully he will make luddite friends there and discover that there is so much fun to be had without expensive gadgets.

nokidshere Tue 09-Apr-13 23:28:51

We have pretty much everything - computers, ipad, ipods, x-box - we had a wii but they grow out of it and we sold it on.

I dont restrict my childrens use - they are good at self regulating and they would still rather be outside than in. No technology upstairs for anyone, everything is on view downstairs. Everything is 2nd hand - no need to pay full price for anything these days really.

They haven't turned into zombies or couch potatoes, they are friendly, sociable children with a wide range of interests.

I think the way a parent views this stuff makes a difference to how the children see it.

As for not knowing what a games console is??? The ipad, iphones and laptops are no different to any other console!

Unfettered internet access? Passwords and parental controls take care of that. It really is very simple to regulate.

kawliga Tue 09-Apr-13 23:35:41

The OP doesn't seem to be worried about regulating it, her ds turning into a couch potato, etc, she seems to be worried about her ds being left out because everyone else is playing with them! That's not a reason to put your child into any activity, the fact that all his friends seem to be doing it. That way all you're doing is showing your ds that giving in to peer pressure is the way forward. Getting a wii because you think it's fun is ok. Getting one because you're afraid ds will be left out and excluded by his friends is really not the way forward.

DontSHOUTTTTTT Tue 09-Apr-13 23:40:55

YANBU. It is your kid and you get to decide. smile. It shouldn't be an issue for you at all.

We have always had game consules. I had them before I had kids. We have them because we really enjoy them. I still play alongside my 20, 19 and 15 year old kids. It's great, we laugh and enjoy ourselves. It's relaxing and I honestly believe it helps us all get along.

We play sports together, go out together for meals and walks and generally do things 'naice' respectable families do but we all love our games consules.

It's not game consules that are the problem it is how you use and control them. I have always been in charge and I have always controlled what and when they play. I have never let them have inappropriate games and even now that two of them are 'adults' I still won't allow certain types of games in the house ( eg Grand Theft Auto).

kawliga Tue 09-Apr-13 23:48:50

We have them because we really enjoy them. I still play alongside my 20, 19 and 15 year old kids. It's great, we laugh and enjoy ourselves. It's relaxing and I honestly believe it helps us all get along.

This is a good reason to get a wii.

Feeling a bit down about it - took him to play at a friends place today with two other kids, they were talking non stop about games and he couldn't really join in they were correcting his 'mistakes' when he tried to join in. He started to cry ... I am a bit worried that this carries on at school.

This is not. OP, think about what message you're teaching if you get him this just to help him fit in with these rather nasty children. Like yellow we had no telly growing up, but friends who had them didn't laugh at us and make us cry, and if they had then going out to buy a telly would not be the right response from my parents.

StuntGirl Wed 10-Apr-13 00:30:58

Why don't you want him to have one? It's not a judgement - do you think he's too young for consoles, do you worry he'll get obsessed with it, is it unaffordable for your family, do you worry about internet access etc?

Aliway Wed 10-Apr-13 04:54:23

Kauliga- you make a very good point, I think the behaviour of the 2 other boys was in this instance was more the issue, it was an unpleasant experience that needs to be separated from our decision making as to whether we get a games console or not.
We are not luddites :-) we have tablet computers smart phones etc... I am not the worlds most computer literate person but am not the worst. We are not keen on buying games really because of the cost and the rampant consumerism that ensues... It has been very heartening to hear the very positive experiences that have really helped me put things more into perspective and not be reactive and buy a consule for the wrong reasons.

VestaCurry Wed 10-Apr-13 05:05:43

We have a wii, which we all use as a family. We have a mix of fun and educational games. Use is restricted, everything in moderation. We also have a family iPad because tv reception here means we get very few freeview channels, but are able to get them via an app on the iPad. We don't want to invest in a satellite dish as that will lead to non stop nagging for sky sports (dc's generally don't nag for things but this would lead to it as they are sports mad).

Mutley77 Wed 10-Apr-13 05:22:25

No yanbu it is clearly your choice, but I think you have to be open to what your child's interests are to some degree. If he and his friends do like games, what is the harm in buying him a games console of some kind as a birthday/Christmas present? Or getting a relative to do so?

coralanne Wed 10-Apr-13 05:45:27

My DN was 45 when she had her DD.

DD is now 4, 5 in September and they don't have any kind of game consoles in the house.

It has never crossed their minds to buy them and DD has never asked for them.

DN is a pharmacist and is completely computer literate but as far as she's concerned, it is a work thing not a home thing.

The DD has swimming lessions, dance lessons and the family travel overseas on a regular basis. She is a very intelligent child and has made an amazing castle using different sized cylinders and paper mache.

On the turrents of the castle she has placed amazing little sparkling rings she made herself.

Took her about 3 weeks to make.

I think she is too busy with other things to even think about playing computer games.

Crawling Wed 10-Apr-13 06:08:18

Mine has a wii and a ds age 7 wii is more used and skylanders is the best game ever.

Ds has also learnt to read the best in his class as I let him play harder games that involve alot of reading. Making reading fun.

Crawling Wed 10-Apr-13 06:09:59

Oh and allway you can buy pre owned games from GAME for as little as a fiver.

JumpingJackSprat Wed 10-Apr-13 07:11:45

Children playing creatively, reading, dressing up, playing sword fights etc is not mutually exclusive with them playing the wii. my dss does both and hus hand eye co-ordination, problem solving skills and ability to co-operate to solve puzzles has improved no end. he has a wii and a ds and he prefers the wii as we can play with him.

Mutley77 Wed 10-Apr-13 07:15:23

coralanne Your DN's DD sounds a lot like my daughter. She did get a DS at age 5 and she is still exactly the same, just plays computer games every now and then in addition to her other varied interests.

pansyflimflam Wed 10-Apr-13 07:29:07

YANBU I wish more people would just buck the trend and not bother with these things. For children of this age they have nothing to add to their play that could not be found through other sorts of play. Children are not growing up with superior skills because of these games. Half the time I think people buy them because everyone else has them and no one wants to be the odd one out. I have 5 children from 12 to 1 and no one here has even asked for one - we are not Luddites but we do really restrict screen time on a laptop for the two elder children because seriously I cannot see what it adds. Having a 9 year old DD with some spectrummy learning probelms my feeling is if she were playing games, being online or even using a oI am afraid my own Welsh is very poor but if you would like to ask any questions, we do have a interpretor here today phone too often she would never speak to us!!! My older DD is 12 and it is just not her thing, she soends v. minimal time on her phine even, she is outdoorsy and chatty and calls her friends on the phone to talk rather than text.

We are not the norm amongst our friends but the prevailing feeling anecdotally is that they don't want their children to 'miss out' because everyone has them...... what a poor excuse for decison making. Also I think the perception is that when children are engrossed in games they are being 'good' - I have heard this a lot. A school Mum I know says this all the time (when her 13 yr old ds is playing 18 cert games in his bedroom for hours) 'oh well at least he is not out trouble making/annoying me/filling house up with smelly teenaged boys' These things make children and teenagers easier to manage....... and that is why we like them. In real terms they have nothing to add.

pansyflimflam Wed 10-Apr-13 07:30:49

Ignore the welsh bit! paste has a mind of its own apparently!!!! So sorry

Whatalotofpiffle Wed 10-Apr-13 07:32:41

No! Go with your gut... I look after a little boy who is 6 and he is obsessed with sky landers to the point that he is losing friends as he can talk about nothing else

pansyflimflam Wed 10-Apr-13 07:36:17

And... I really resent the 'playing Wii brings the family together' bullshit advertising. It is insidious in the extreme but I think a lot of people believe it.

Squarepebbles Wed 10-Apr-13 07:42:44

6/7 was the cut off for us.

Then we restricted.

Now they are 9,9 and 8 we have just started them earning an hour of allscreen time per day by doing an hour of homework.Tis working a treat so far.

If they choose Raspberry Pi,IPod,DS or laptop for their hour they don't get TV on top.

Screens are screens,I don't think you can get sniffy over one and not the other.

Sorry disagree with Pansy you can get a lot out them if you handle them right and don't use them as babysitters for hours and hours.I don't tend to do that with anything re my dc so screens aren't any different.

Squarepebbles Wed 10-Apr-13 07:48:59

Oh and this holiday my dc have spent each morning reading Harry Potter for hours in bed,have turned my house into Hogwarts,payed outside for hours every day with friends riding bikes,inventing various ball games,hide and seek etc,gone to the museum,gone to the library,hiked across the moor and dtwin2 has completed his 100th book for the library challenge.,looked after various animals,played with Sylvanians,made bug houses.........

They have also done an hour of school work a day and had an hour of screentime a day.

The dtwins have started coding and found a new app where you make films then blow them up!grin

Cherriesarelovely Wed 10-Apr-13 07:51:21

I am pretty luddite ish as it goes and think that kids ought to be doing simpler, less screen based activities. However, Dd got a Ds when she was 7 and enjoyed it.....didn't play on it much though. Now at 10 she has a kindle fire. Being a bit dense I didn't realise this connected to the internet so that takes alot more supervision and I slightly regret agreeing to it (Dps idea). However, Dd gets huge amount of enjoyment from it and it has improved her reading no end.

We once borrowed a wii over Christmas and that was brillliant family fun. Definitely would consider getting something like that sometime. In summary, I don't think kids need stuff likethis but I think, in moderation they can be fun. Entirely up to you and your Ds though.

Squarepebbles Wed 10-Apr-13 07:54:23

At the end if the day it is how you parent.

If I had the money I'd get a Wii or XBox Connect thingy with no hand sets- fab for play dates(more can play)and family time.

thegreylady Wed 10-Apr-13 08:04:01

My dgs(aged 6) was given a dsi for Christmas (by his other dgp) he is allowed it for three half hours at the weekend and not at all on schooldays. There have been exceptions in the holidays eg. when he was ill and when an older cousin (aged 9) with a ds came to stay and they played together. I do agree that most dc (especially boys) seem to have the wretched things.

AcrylicPlexiglass Wed 10-Apr-13 08:17:50

I would say no no no and then buy him one for his 6th birthday and he will be over the moon.

All of you with infant age children saying no way on this thread will get a games console of some sort by the time they're 8, I bet! Sorry to be a swanky know-all but that's what happens. At 5 not every kid has one, though many do, especially those with older siblings. At 7/8 about 99.999% do.

It is kind of funny to read people being sniffy about video games. Seems a lot of people are still stuck on the popular view of gaming from about ten/fifteen years ago. The industry has had a severe shift since then, it's not only teen boys in their mothers basements shooting imaginary aliens anymore, you know.

OP, if you really don't like the idea of having a console, don't get one. It's up to you, you're the parent. And your son will be fine with or without one.
My family got our first console when I was about 5 (Sega Mega Drive!) and I wasn't that interested. Didn't really get into gaming until I was in my early teens. Kids that young don't really have the attention span for being on a console for long periods of time, IM(admittedly limited)E.

plentyofsoap Wed 10-Apr-13 08:43:35

My mil got my ds who is four a ds for xmas without discussion. He played with it for a short while then got bored and it has sat in drawer for the last few months untouched.

comfysofas Wed 10-Apr-13 08:49:46

We have all the consoles.

ds things

But do what you want to do only thing I will add is that the wii pre owned in the GAME shop is only about £35 and you can download bbc i player on it and NETFLIX. IPLAYER IS FREE NETFLIX £5.99 A MONTH.

I think it is worth it just to watch Dexter over and over again. :-)

plentyofsoap Wed 10-Apr-13 08:49:54

sorry pressed before I finished. We do have a wii which we can play together and he enjoys that, but its restricted and again the novelty has worn off, but he is only four. He is however far better on the wii than me though even when I do try.

pansyflimflam Wed 10-Apr-13 08:59:17

I seriously cannot see what different thing you can gain from gaming that cannot be learned in 'real life' iykwim. I agree that screen time is screen time too.... we restrict telly too we sound like bleeding miseries

The fact is a lot of people use them as childminders for hours and hours. I think for me it is just another thing to buy and be sold and then to upgrade and etc etc ad nauseum... I just cannot see the point.

comfysofas Wed 10-Apr-13 09:03:57

Using them as childminders.............. I cannot see that one.

You may give your child a book or paper and coloring pens, or indeed a building set and leave them alone for half and hour. What is the difference?

Usually I play with them I am amazing at need for speed. Yes it is another thing to buy but such is life.

nellyjelly Wed 10-Apr-13 09:08:15

It is just another toy. As long as they don't spend too much time on it.

smokinaces Wed 10-Apr-13 09:37:21

My ds are five and six and we have a Wii. They go through phases of loving it and ignoring it. They love skylanders, but play with the figures / read the books / play role play as them / get the t shirts as much as playing it. Same with sonic and Mario. They have very old ds and gameboys with the classic games, again they go through phases with them.

Right now the tv and Wii are off and they are running round playing superheroes. Combined with mummys and daddys by all accounts. They have a balance.

TigerSwallowtail Wed 10-Apr-13 09:46:38

Wii's are used in my sons ASD classroom during social skills classes.

chandellina Wed 10-Apr-13 20:07:55

I agree with everything Pansy has said.

Why would I buy anything that conditions my child to constant stimulation, shortens attention spans, and encourages isolation and social withdrawal? (ex wii interactive stuff, which has other issues for me)

Well done marketers for convincing so many parents that continual electronic media is a good thing for their children.

Squarepebbles Wed 10-Apr-13 20:37:50

Continual electronic media is down to parenting.

Re social isolation and withdrawal nah don't buy that either.My 3 spent all of yesterday morning in pjs reading Harry Potter separately in their beds until lunchtime.I find reading makes my 3 far more isolated going by the group play sessions they have with IPods making films,playing games together etc.

Re concentration don't buy that either.My do is a coder and spends all day in front of screens.You need a massive amount of concentration to code and he pays more attention to detail,concentrates more fully and is one of the most patient people I know. Ditto his kids who have more patience and concentration in many things eg learning to play the piano,games,coding than I have.

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