aibu or too sensitive due to a comment made about ex's newborn?

(50 Posts)
TrappedInsideADream Tue 09-Apr-13 17:52:39

My ex and I have 2 sons together, they are 7 and 4.

Unfortunately he doesn't see them as often as he probably should, probably about every other weekend. We broke up about 2 years ago and he moved on very quickly.

His girlfriend is pregnant and has literally just given birth to their daughter.

I saw that someone who a congratulations on ex's Facebook and the ex commented saying - yes now DP is a proper man now he can make a girl.

I don't know if it's stupid to be upset by such a comment, it just seems a little dismissive.

I think I'm also slightly worried that a new baby could and will most certainly mean less time with our children.

Plomdenume Tue 09-Apr-13 17:57:19

You are not being over sensitive. She is an absolute knob.

BUT think how low her self-esteem and sense of security in this relationship must be if she is posting things like this (aimed if not at you then at denigrating his previous relationship) not long after giving birth.

It might mean less time with your children...then that is his problem and he will have to be the one to explain this to your children. He may also be such a knob that he wants to escape helping with newborn and come and see your children more grin

Rise above.

IAmJacksRagingBileDuct Tue 09-Apr-13 17:58:33

I can completely see how you might be upset by a comment like that but I really don't think you need to be. Its one of those old sayings that gets bandied about when people want to say something but don't really think it through. It won't have been meant in reference to the fact he already has two boys so try to let it wash over you if you can.

mrsjay Tue 09-Apr-13 17:59:57

she sounds a rightbitch catch who says stuff like that rise above it you can see what a cow she is

SoupDragon Tue 09-Apr-13 18:00:08

She sounds thick, shallow and insecure.

SoupDragon Tue 09-Apr-13 18:01:24

Hang on... Was it your ex or his girlfriend that said it?

mrsjay Tue 09-Apr-13 18:02:04

the girlfriend said it

mrsjay Tue 09-Apr-13 18:02:37

oh no was it him I just read it again how you did soupdragon

Floggingmolly Tue 09-Apr-13 18:02:59

Who said it? confused

TrappedInsideADream Tue 09-Apr-13 18:03:07

It was the girlfriend who said it SoupDragon

It was in response to someone writing congratulations on ex's Facebook.

HollyBerryBush Tue 09-Apr-13 18:04:15

It's quite a common saying. The full phrase is : Any man can make a boy but it takes a real man to make a girl

Put real men make girls into google and it throws up a lot of merchandise

TrappedInsideADream Tue 09-Apr-13 18:04:28

Sorry reading it back it doesn't make sense. I meant -

I saw that someone who a congratulations on ex's Facebook and the girlfriend commented saying - yes now DP is a proper man now he can make a girl.

Floggingmolly Tue 09-Apr-13 18:04:37

Poor insecure idiot.

mrsjay Tue 09-Apr-13 18:05:10

ah ok well we can go back to calling her thick insecure again, ach he wont be such a man when he does a runner

Floggingmolly Tue 09-Apr-13 18:05:42

I've never heard that expression, Holly shock.

DeskPlanner Tue 09-Apr-13 18:06:14

What a stupid comment. She sounds an idiot. I'd stay away from there Facebook, in future.

Coconutty Tue 09-Apr-13 18:07:09

Don't take any notice. She's obviously a clown.

Something similar was said by one of DFD's family about her dad being a 'proper' bloke at last after DFD's stepmother gave birth to a baby boy a few years ago (DFD had previously been an only child). Her relationship with this particular family member never recovered.

YANBU, they are being hugely insensitive. It's just unnecessary, why can't people just say 'congratulations on your new baby?' confused

BruthasTortoise Tue 09-Apr-13 18:08:58

It's a twatty saying but I don't think it's necessarily about the OP as such. People have said it to/about my DH in a "jokey" way after every one of our DSs has been born. Had you and your ex stayed together and had a DD some twit would probably have said it to you aswell. YANBU but don't let it get to you and block your ex and his DP on FB.

Fleecyslippers Tue 09-Apr-13 18:09:14

Stupid insecure child. Agree that Ex will probably be climbing the walls to get away from a screeching newborn - I know mine is [karma]

I've heard that saying.

My brothers took great delight in slagging each other off about real men creating girls!

Perhaps that's all she meant?

TomDudgeon Tue 09-Apr-13 18:09:39

Real men see all their children often

Let it wash past you. Sounds like she's trying to make herself feel more confident about something

HollyBerryBush Tue 09-Apr-13 18:09:49

I presume that it is born historically out of primogeniture - as in men need/want boys for succession, thus the phrase is actually twisting that into a female positive thing.

digerd Tue 09-Apr-13 18:11:00

Yes, unfortunately it will as expect the new mum will need him there to help her. And/or he will be knackered after interrupted sleep for some time. You can explain to your sons how it is with babies. Your sons were babies too.

The new mum is out of order for saying that and you should ignore her ignorance.
For the sake of his sons he should make an effort to see them as much as possible.

My ex was as bad, he never bothered to see ds at all after we split then when had a new family with his gf. A little girl first then when they had a boy they put " at last a longed for son" in the paper. DS was about 9 at the time. Tosser!

thebody Tue 09-Apr-13 18:13:27

Never heard it before but fucking stupid saying isn't it.

Op if he is true to form she may feel insecure.

Ouchmyhead Tue 09-Apr-13 18:13:41

What she said doesn't even make sense, just rise above it! You are not being unreasonable, but she's just insecure

hiddenhome Tue 09-Apr-13 18:14:40

Any fool can father a child, but only a real man will be there for them instead of hooking up with bitchy, spiteful little bints.

Ouchmyhead Tue 09-Apr-13 18:15:15

Posted too soon! She's just insecure, and is using Facebook to make stupid comments, knowing you'll read them! Don't let it upset you, let them carry on with their silly childish comments!

dizzyhoneybee Tue 09-Apr-13 18:16:10

Ignore it and block her on FB so you don't see her daft comments again.

SmellieWellies Tue 09-Apr-13 18:18:27

Oh Dangerous how terribly sad and upsetting for your DS.

BruthasTortoise Tue 09-Apr-13 18:20:21

Honestly OP is it a "thing", there's loads of merchandise and FB pages devoted to "real men make girls". It's offensive to parents of sons and it feeds into the negative stereotypes of having baby boys but it might not necessarily be aimed at you. Its like the whole idea of having a boy and girl are a "perfect" family as if two the same sex or an only is an imperfect family. It was thoughtless of her but it might not be anything more than thoughtlessness.

garlicballs Tue 09-Apr-13 18:20:52

I'm on the side of meh. It's just one of those sayings people repeat without really meaning anything. All it means is he has boys, now he's got a girl too.

theonewiththenoisychild Tue 09-Apr-13 18:24:27

I have heard this said a lot its usually just a joke I would just try and shrug it off and enjoy your boys they are a lot less trouble than girls imo wink

kinkyfuckery Tue 09-Apr-13 18:28:36

Just a saying, don't take it to heart.

My exH made two girls, but he certainly isn't a real man wink

AmberLeaf Tue 09-Apr-13 18:37:29

It may just be a saying, but its the sort of saying that anyone with an ounce of sensitivity would say!

She is possibly insecure as some in her position can be. She needs to make a 'thing' of how special their child is, as if every child isn't special anyway!

Maybe a stupid throwaway comment, but she should have thought about it first.

Id hide him on FB if I were you.

MusicalEndorphins Tue 09-Apr-13 18:57:39

That is a stupid saying, I have never heard of it before. I googled it

You could add Anyone-Can-Be-A-Father-But-It-Takes-A-Real-Man-To-Be-A-Dad facebook page to your "Likes".

TrappedInsideADream Tue 09-Apr-13 19:00:21

I've never heard of that saying before.

But anyways ...

Thanks to everyone for being so lovely. I was worried I was being totally ridiculous.

TooYappy Tue 09-Apr-13 19:12:40

I've heard it, it's a very silly comment right up there with

Have a girl you have her for life have a boy until he takes a wife.

I have 2 boys hmm

Sorry Facebook annoys the shit out of me with people and the silly pages and it's no doubt all for you

I unfriended anyone who had my STBXH has a 'friend' and blocked him and his g.friend, so now they have to use fake names to 'get to me'

People use facebook to get at their ex's all the time, don't give him the brain space, with regard to him seeing less of your Dss, he isn't doing very well atm anyway is he? I would get something more consistent put in place tbh, it isn't fair him dipping in and out of their lives 'when he can be bothered', sadly it is not uncommon.

SoWhatIfImWorkingClass Tue 09-Apr-13 19:14:34

That's a crap saying.

In future I would stay away from their Facebook. Sometimes exes and Facebook are not a good mix.

Molehillmountain Tue 09-Apr-13 19:24:56

Rubbish saying. I have had my oversensitive times over stuff like that-dh doesn't produce sperm at all so the whole "he shoots he scores" phrase used to bother me. Then I realised that it's very strange to congratulate someone for producing cells! Your ex p's girlfriend is using a phrase that came from a time when girls were commiserated and was actually a nice softening of it and turned it around to (not very effectively) conceal her envy and insecurity about your ex's other lovely children. Sounds as if they're made for each other.

CheungFun Tue 09-Apr-13 19:31:40

Yuck, I'd never heard of this saying before!

I can definitely see why you're unhappy about it, but as other posters have said, it's better to just wish them well and say how beautiful their new daughter is etc., you will have the moral high ground!

Your ex will have to explain to your sons if he does see them less, children have a bad habit of asking 'why haven't we seen you for ages Dad?' ;) As hard as it is, it's best to try to be impartial for your boys sake.

CheungFun Tue 09-Apr-13 19:32:30

Sorry posted too soon! Your sons will know you are always there for them even if their Dad isn't and they will realise this for themselves if he doesn't put in the effort he should with them.

McPheetStink Tue 09-Apr-13 19:34:05

I've never heard that saying before either. But I can assure, having an ex who has made 3 girls, and he will never be a man wink

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper Tue 09-Apr-13 19:35:40

For her to write some thing like that in response to a benign congratulations comment, is so cringeworthy, that you really can do nothing but pity her.

Plomdenume is 100% right - you'd have to be desperately insecure and threatened to write something like that in the wake of the birth of your first child...

Please don't let it get to you. All is clearly not rosy in their little garden; that comment belies so much. Here's hoping all of his children have a father worthy of the title.

LalyRawr Tue 09-Apr-13 19:37:43

My Foster Dad used to say that 'It takes a real man to make a girl.' Though I think it was more to do with the fact he had five daughters!

I think the problem with comments online, be it on Facebook, twitter or even on here, is that it is hard to tell the tone. She may have meant it in a malicious, vindictive way, or she may have meant it as light hearted banter in regards to that quote.

Either way, don't give it another thought. You sons have you, that's what is important.

SarahAndFuck Tue 09-Apr-13 19:41:16

I have never heard that saying before.

Real man don't run out on their children and do their best to see them regularly.

And real men don't impregnate silly girls who use their newborns to score points on Facebook against their partners other children.

Thewhingingdefective Tue 09-Apr-13 19:43:10

What a fucking silly thing to say. YANBU. Her comment, although flippant, was disrespectful.

SanityClause Tue 09-Apr-13 19:51:15

I think it's supposed to be a consolation to men when they've had a daughter, rather than a son.

Which really leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

ParsleyTheLioness Tue 09-Apr-13 19:54:22

Not nice. YANBU. Also, I have a dd, and it is not true. Her father is a bit of a knob really.

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