To Ask Parents Nicely to Say No to Their Children

(64 Posts)
Chockyeggpants Tue 09-Apr-13 16:26:39

And mean it and enforce it?
Many thanks.

yousankmybattleship Tue 09-Apr-13 16:29:22

What? Really? I thought we were supposed to say yes to everything? Dammit!

kinkyfuckery Tue 09-Apr-13 16:30:29

You parent your own children, leave others to parent theirs.

Flobbadobs Tue 09-Apr-13 16:31:15

I say No enough for about 6 parents...

PuppyMonkey Tue 09-Apr-13 16:31:17

Surely it depends what the question is grin

YABU to write such a short OP and expect people to comment on something with no context.

YABU to assume that parents should do as you say, just because you say it.

Say no about what? I say no sometimes, but I might say yes to things you wouldn't.

Maybe I should say no to you.

Chockyeggpants Tue 09-Apr-13 16:33:20

Kinky my DD ends up bearing the brunt of other poorly disciplined children's behaviour.

OldBagWantsNewBag Tue 09-Apr-13 16:34:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JollyPurpleGiant Tue 09-Apr-13 16:34:24

DS hasn't asked for anything unreasonable today. I'm not going to say "No, you can't have a banana" if there's no reason for him not to have a banana.

yousankmybattleship Tue 09-Apr-13 16:35:03

My son asked me earlier if he could read to me. I said yes. Feel I've failed him now as this little nugget of parenting advice came too late from OP.
I'll say no later when he asks to brush his teeth though.

Chockyeggpants Tue 09-Apr-13 16:35:09

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

You should say yes more. You can't change others only yourself.

ATouchOfStuffing Tue 09-Apr-13 16:37:57

On the other hand parents constantly bleating NO! are bloody annoying.

Hulababy Tue 09-Apr-13 16:38:37

Sometimes I say yes, sometimes I say no. It does very much depend on the specific circumstances at the time.

I suspect there are times when you say yes to your daughter that others would feel should have been a no, and vice versa.

See, I can't bear toddlers who shout, "NO" because that's all they hear. I try to alternate no, later, tomorrow and not for children.

Your request is lacking in context.

e.g.
Mummy little Chockyeggpants just took my toy, can I ask for it back?

Mummy I want what little Chockyeggpants is playing with, can I take it?

No is only appropriate as an answer to one of these scenarios.

What exactly is bothering you? What happened?

Having said that, given the tone of your 16:35 post I do wonder about the messages you've given to your child.

Chockyeggpants Tue 09-Apr-13 16:40:00

Yup Hula, probably. Good point.

All depends what the question is doesn't it?

HousewifeFromHeaven Tue 09-Apr-13 16:41:48

We need a tedious explanation!

OP you're just being silly. In some circumstances parents should say no more. In some they should say no less. If you're pissed off because Jocasta had ner hand stepped in whilst in the ball pit with Damian who was running riot then say so and we can all help with that. Asking if parents as a species should be absolutely negative is just absurd.

Chockyeggpants Tue 09-Apr-13 16:42:26

Sorry Chaz. I was looking at another post about children in restaurants etc also under AIBU. And just now DD has come home upset because 2 little charmers think its hilarious to push her belongings in to a drain...
Drip feeding now, so I'll leave it at that.

TBH I prefer to say yes. I grew up with a "NO" mother.

However, I do not tolerate bad manners or behaviour. So if your DD is suffering at the hands of another child, tell that childs parents.

SoupDragon Tue 09-Apr-13 16:45:42

OK, next time my children ask if they should play nicely with yours, I'll tell them "no"

Not saying no doesn't equal a poorly disciplined child.

Being illogical and unpredictable is the problem.

DC are rarely told no (yes, I am a lentil weaver) they are well disciplined. You can't take one tiny aspect of parenting and label it as the reason for poorly "disciplined" children.

IMO

A child told no inconsistently and for no good reason is poor discipline.

A child told no consistently and for a reason = Good

I am sorry your DD was upset by other children. I think parents should teach their children respect and kindness to others. Its not U for you to expect your child to be treated fairly by other children.

usualsuspect Tue 09-Apr-13 16:51:48

Depends what the question is.

Pick your battles.

BumpingFuglies Tue 09-Apr-13 17:43:41

Were the little charmers' parents even there?

wintertimeisfun Tue 09-Apr-13 18:43:36

at a guess in know what OP means. re my job i am in a position where i unintentionally regularly observe (worst offenders, middle classes) parents not saying no to their precious off spring for fear of a/them kicking off and embarassing them in public or b/think they look cool and laid back letting their kids do what the fuck they want.

to ask parents to say no to their children - YABU. Arbitrary is bad.

to ask parents to say no to their children sometimes - YANBU. Boundaries are important.

to ask parents to say no nicely to their children - which is how I read the title, because of the avoided split infinitive, YANBU. Why can some people only yell?

MintyCatLeaf Tue 09-Apr-13 19:09:41

People seem to be deliberately misinterpreting the OP.

OP, YANBU.

firesidechat Tue 09-Apr-13 19:21:15

Thought it might have something to do with that thread OP.

Didn't dare contribute after the first couple of posts in case I came across as smug. I am smug, but try to keep it to myself.

firesidechat Tue 09-Apr-13 19:22:50

Forgot to add.

YANBU.

HoneyDragon Tue 09-Apr-13 19:25:52

Am I the only person confused as to how the op posting this on here will help her dd?

HoneyDragon Tue 09-Apr-13 19:26:32

And can someone help me out?

usualsuspect Tue 09-Apr-13 19:30:25

No idea,Honey.

firesidechat Tue 09-Apr-13 19:47:04

I think it has something to do with being prepared to be an unpopular parent (saying no when necesaary) and hopefully bring up well behaved, well rounded human beings. Or something like that.

firesidechat Tue 09-Apr-13 19:47:29

necessary

ATouchOfStuffing Tue 09-Apr-13 19:55:05

Sadly parents who think they look 'laid back and cool' just look lazy and uncaring to most people. OP I do know what you mean, was just being facetious as I know someone who is constantly yelling NO! and eye rolling - i.e not enforcing it. It just becomes background noise and the child actually ignores or laughs at her now because it means nothing.
Pick your battles, as someone else said.

HoneyDragon Tue 09-Apr-13 20:14:47

Okaaaay. So basically we are speculating on what the op means, but the majority agree its to do with shit parenting?

In which case I'm out. I dye kids blue and threaten to drop them down gin bottles, so this I'd not the thread for me.

JollyPurpleGiant Tue 09-Apr-13 20:18:27

How do they respond, Honey? If my mother threatened to drop me into a gin bottle I'd be delighted grin

BumpingFuglies Tue 09-Apr-13 20:18:36

I said No at least 500 times today. Do I get a special award? grin

MsBella Tue 09-Apr-13 20:28:12

I prefer using positive techniques to teach my kids, the idea is that if they're doing something really dangerous and I say no they'll take it more seriously than if I was moaning no don't do that stop no no all the time at them which could also make them unhappy and anxious

Chockyeggpants Tue 09-Apr-13 20:30:04

Fireside has it bang on.
I was asking parents to step up and say no to their children instead of not wanting to upset them or make the children hate them. My teaching friends reckon that it's as if the parents are afraid of their children, and this lack of boundary setting has huge repercussions in schools.

Chockyeggpants Tue 09-Apr-13 20:31:58

Saying no makes your children unhappy and anxious??
WTAF.
How many more believe this??
It just goes to prove what my teaching friends are saying.

HoneyDragon Tue 09-Apr-13 20:33:05

Well you could have said that in the op!

Weedy parents are bloody annoying.

Jollypurple .... My plan was to drink all the gin in the very big bottle then drop them in it. I started a thread about it. Oddly enough everyone was in firm support of my plan.

MsBella Tue 09-Apr-13 20:33:39

Well it made me unhappy and anxious never knowing if I was doing something wrong or not and I know of others too...

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 09-Apr-13 20:34:43

So many critical and judgy threads on MN at moment, it's grim

MsBella Tue 09-Apr-13 20:36:19

I'm pretty sure most parents aren't scared of their children... its just being positive instead of negetive...

'Youre doing that wrong, stop, no, bad, no etc etc" instead using positive parenting

JollyPurpleGiant Tue 09-Apr-13 20:36:36

I missed that one, Honey. I do remember the blue one though.

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 09-Apr-13 20:36:37

MN is supposed to be a place for parents to support each other, not give each other a bollocking constantly.

HoneyDragon Tue 09-Apr-13 20:39:32

Yes but positive parenting still means refusing or denying your children things smile

I have no issue with how anyone chooses to parent as long as they are actually parenting.

Not wanting to deal with your children and allowing them to behave in a way that affects all others negatively is doing them a disservice.

HoneyDragon Tue 09-Apr-13 20:40:21

I'm scared of my smallest child. She turns blue when my backs turned.

kinkyfuckery Tue 09-Apr-13 20:41:35

How would parents saying no stop their children from putting your child's stuff down the drain today?
Did they ask their parents if they could and got their approval?

MsBella Tue 09-Apr-13 20:42:20

Of course there are things you need to 'deny' them but it doesn't mean saying 'no' all the time
For example there is offering alternatives

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 09-Apr-13 20:43:12

It is a bit like the Daily Mail has taken over MN.

Just waiting for someone to mention bringing back the birch

HoneyDragon Tue 09-Apr-13 20:44:58

Kinkyfuckery

Don't make this more confusing. It took me till now to get the gist of what the op was about. <<cries>>

usualsuspect Tue 09-Apr-13 20:48:53

MN is full of people judging other people's parenting. By parents for parents? Not bloody likely on here.

HoneyDragon Tue 09-Apr-13 20:52:39

I find it helpful though. You see the best and worst aspects and some of the pitfalls.

Better than

Your bubba, your tools, Hun wink

HoneyDragon Tue 09-Apr-13 20:53:10

Rools! grin

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 09-Apr-13 20:53:27

It will basically make anyone who is struggling with parenting feel shit

haveapear Tue 09-Apr-13 20:56:54

I grew up with a no which could sometimes be changed to yes by whining, I whined a lot blush .

So in our house no means no unless its yes.

<not very helpful>

nenevomito Tue 09-Apr-13 20:56:55

I say no to my children all the time. Life is full of disappointments, so I like to get them trained in that early.

BumpingFuglies Tue 09-Apr-13 21:31:10

Could we bring back the birch? I'm sure that would help enormously.

Really Chocky what a completely pointless thread. Especially since it's a thread about various threads.

MsBella you make some interesting points. Unlike the OP.

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