Note: Please bear in mind that whilst this topic does canvass opinions, it is not a fight club. You may disagree with other posters but we do ask you please to stick to our Talk Guidelines and to be civil. We don't allow personal attacks or troll-hunting. Do please report any. Thanks, MNHQ.

To be concerned my friend seemed pissed off after I looked after her DD?

(237 Posts)
AuntFini Tue 09-Apr-13 15:51:37

I took my friend's DD (23 months) out for the day today to give my friend a chance to prepare for her parents and siblings visiting for the week. I have no kids.

We went to a farm and I took her for lunch, and after 4 hours went back to meet my friend at the coach station where she was meeting family. By this point her DD was asleep in her car seat in my car, exhausted. My friends asked where her DD was and I said asleep and she seemed really cross. She moved her DD (still sleeping, in carseat) to her car, got in and left.

I'm left feeling a bit confused as to what I've done on this one!

maybe she doesnt like her having a late nap as it may affect her night-time sleep. She sounds a bit ungrateful anyway.

tiggytape Tue 09-Apr-13 15:54:07

Some people don't like their children taking naps late in the day (or at all) if they believe it messes up bedtime later on.
Frankly though you were doing her a massive favour and it is impossible to drive safely and keep an exhausted 2 year old awake.
Unless you lost her coat and wellies or got her covered in farm poo, I cannot see why else she was so rude. Oh an YANBU to be miffed by this.

HappySeven Tue 09-Apr-13 15:54:13

I'm guessing she doesn't like her sleeping during the day but it was very rude: you did her a big favour and she should be grateful.

hope she said thank you to you as well

Lexiesinclair Tue 09-Apr-13 15:54:51

Had you left her alone in the car?

HotCrossPun Tue 09-Apr-13 15:56:02

Don't bother doing any more favours for her. That is so rude.

Sanctimumious Tue 09-Apr-13 15:56:08

SOme people are very ungrateful and precious. You were doing her a massive favour and you can't keep a tired two year old awake in the back of a car.

If you took my kids all day, I'd be grateful. I wouldn't mind if you just dragged them around the shops and parked them in front of dvds and gave them crisps.

OHforDUCKScake Tue 09-Apr-13 15:56:15

shock what an ungrateful mare! Id be very pissed off.

If my toddler sleeps late, then yes it means a 10pm bedtime, but it happens, its no biggy!

She should be hugely grateful.

DiscoDonkey Tue 09-Apr-13 15:56:25

Had you left her dd unattended in the car to meet her or did she meet you at the car?

If you left her unattended then maybe she was peeved about that? If not she sounds ungrateful and rude

Euphemia France Tue 09-Apr-13 15:57:34

Rude cow! What were you supposed to do - keep poking the child to keep her awake?!

Or had you left the child alone in the car, Mum couldn't see her and panicked?

Either way, I'd be contacting her to ask what that was all about!

AuntFini Tue 09-Apr-13 15:57:36

No I was standing next to the car and the car door was open where her DD was sleeping. I suppose letting her sleep will mean she might not sleep later but as I'm not used to little ones that age I'm not sure that's something I can help. Good to know I suppose and I might think again before I agree to helping out so readily in future.

MusicalEndorphins Tue 09-Apr-13 15:59:58

I wondered about her being alone in the car too, perhaps that was it? If she didn't want her to have a late nap, she should have told you before hand. But it sounds like you gave the little one a great day, and your friend should have shown some appreciation. YANBU.

FBmum Tue 09-Apr-13 16:00:45

When your friends asked where their DD was, was your car out of sight at the time? Had you left her asleep whilst you went to find them? If so, maybe they were upset because she was left alone asleep in the car?

that's the only reason why I think your friend could be upset, other than what other people have said about nap times, which seems pretty unfair of her.

MusicalEndorphins Tue 09-Apr-13 16:01:28

x post, sorry. It must of been the nap then, but that was not your fault, and no big crime in my eyes.

FBmum Tue 09-Apr-13 16:01:38

sorry - crossed posts!

starfishmummy Tue 09-Apr-13 16:02:40

Yanbu. She should have told you nap times if she was that bothered.

Manchesterhistorygirl Tue 09-Apr-13 16:03:04

Do you want my two year old for the day? You sound a fab friend and your friend is a bit of an arse to have been so rude with you.

LadyVoldemort Tue 09-Apr-13 16:03:12

It's not your fault, you weren't to know she doesn't want her to sleep later in the day (if hat was her problem).

Fwiw you sound like a lovely friend smile

ssd Tue 09-Apr-13 16:04:38

your friend sounds horrible and rude, I wouldn't bother helping her out again

AuntFini Tue 09-Apr-13 16:05:30

Manchester I would happily take your two year old, I had a great day! Obviously it's the napping that's the issue then, but that's life. At least it wasn't anything else that was worse and I hadn't realised.

Maybe she was just stressed and seeing her DD worn out was the last straw.

MajaBiene Tue 09-Apr-13 16:08:22

You were doing her a favour, and most toddlers wouldn't be able to stay awake in a car after a day out. Your friend was really rude.

alarkaspree Tue 09-Apr-13 16:09:30

It can be a little disruptive if children have late naps, but there's absolutely nothing you can do to prevent it if you are taking them in the car. I hope your friend comes to her senses soon and showers you with grateful appreciation for taking her dd out.

elfycat Tue 09-Apr-13 16:10:21

My 4yo won't sleep before 9pm if she has even a micro sleep in the day. But if we go out in the car there is no way I can keep her awake, she's just one of those children who sleep in cars plus she gets car sick so a late night is the lesser of 2 evils

If it is the nap that has caused your friend to act like this then she is BU, YANBU. Even if she had asked you to keep her awake there's nothing you can do. Shouting doesn't work, or discussing the finer points of In The Night Garden, or singing 'Old McDonald' complete with noises bat anyone?

You can come and take my 2yo (+/- the 4yo) out for the day. If they nap it's not a problem here!

Floggingmolly Tue 09-Apr-13 16:13:03

Ungracious biddy! You ddn't "let" her child sleep in the car seat, how could you possibly have prevented it? We used to regularly drive round the streets with ds1 at bedtime, it was the only guaranteed way to get him to sleep.
Your friend wants jam on it.

BlingLoving Tue 09-Apr-13 16:13:25

Definitely a bit strange. If she didn't want her dd to fall asleep, she should have told you in advance. Not that there's much you could have done about it frankly.

Did she thank you at all?

Lexiesinclair Tue 09-Apr-13 16:15:48

She was very rude. I'd be so grateful to anyone who took my DC off my hands for the day, nap or no nap!!

skratta Tue 09-Apr-13 16:17:04

Definitely weird.

You sound like a great friend, it's hard to do a day out when my DS was a toddler, and it sounds like you made it a lovely day.

kinkyfuckery Tue 09-Apr-13 16:20:02

I'd imagine it was a panicked reaction to her DD being asleep so late in the day. Hopefully she'll realise she was BU and apologise and thank you for helping her out.

I'm confused as to why she asked where her DD was though, when you were stood right beside the open car door confused

Gales Tue 09-Apr-13 16:23:59

Maybe she was stressed and pissed of with something else? Having the kind of family visit you need to "prepare" for can't be a lot of fun. If she was already tired and fed up and then realised DD had slept which means she won't sleep later....

She was still rude, but I find when someone is off with you, it's rarely really about the "thing" you think it was, it's always about something else going on in their life at the time.

LadyClariceCannockMonty Tue 09-Apr-13 16:33:11

grin at 'Your friend wants jam on it.'

That was rude of her. Don't go out of your way for her in the future.

cees Tue 09-Apr-13 16:38:09

Your friend was an ungrateful cow, why not ring her and ask what her problem was and then come back so we can all tear strips off her lend a understanding point of view.

SatsukiKusukabe Tue 09-Apr-13 16:53:37

Right, I assumed you had left her alone in the car (that would piss me off)

But you didn,t so you're friend is just ungrateful and rude really.

You did nothing wrong and sound very very lovely. Friend was very ungrateful.

HungryClocksGoBackFourSeconds Tue 09-Apr-13 16:58:31

Did she say thankyou?

You cannot physically stop a baby from falling asleep in the car. It's impossible, and if she wanted her to nap earlier she should have told you.

CSIJanner Tue 09-Apr-13 16:58:32

If she didn't want her child to have a late nap, she should have told you when she dropped her off. Even if she has things on her mind, she's being rude.

YANBU - my lot would love to be taken out for the day like you've done for your friend.

Twentytotwo Tue 09-Apr-13 17:05:36

It's not your fault. She didn't warn you and it's pretty difficult to keep a knackered child awake when they're in the back seat and you're driving.

The child might be a 'bad waker'. I have a niece who went through a stage around that age where if she fell asleep and you tried to wake her she threw an uncontrolled tantrum until you let her sleep again. She could go for hours.

Coconutty Costa Rica Tue 09-Apr-13 17:06:08

She was BU

Maggie111 Tue 09-Apr-13 17:06:17

Hopefully she was in a pissy mood for some unrelated reason.

Either way I wouldn't consider doing any more favours until she said she was grateful for the last one!!

Fudgemallowdelight Tue 09-Apr-13 17:11:19

Did she actually thank you?? You did her a huge favour and she should have thanked you profusely! It sounds like her dd needed that sleep and how could you stop it when you were driving anyway? What a cow. If she doesn't thank you then don't bother to help out again.

Fudgemallowdelight Tue 09-Apr-13 17:14:27

I think it is unfair to expect people to keep an exhausted child awake

Twentytotwo Tue 09-Apr-13 17:35:18

Even crack chocolate buttons don't always work.

Jinafire Tue 09-Apr-13 17:41:06

If my DD has so much as a 5 min doze it affects her sleep for that night.

I, however, would be sooooo grateful for the 4 hours of freedom that being awake for a bit later at night wouldn't bother me.

So what time can I drop her off ... grin

It is impossible to keep a tired toddler awake on a car journey, my 4 year old still sleeps in the car after a day out, your friend was very rude.

AuntFini Tue 09-Apr-13 17:44:30

She's just texted to say she would have preferred if I'd let her DD sleep on the way there and not the way back. Not being used to toddlers, I obviously don't know how to do that. I did try feeding choc buttons on the way home but even they weren't enough to keep her awake, she had a few and then fell asleep.

Not to worry as I'll be sure to keep my fun days out for mornings only in future in the hopes they don't need to nap!

pigletmania Tue 09-Apr-13 17:46:12

Yanbu at all, your 'friend' sounds rude and ungrateful and I would not do her any favours again. How can you stop a toddler having a nap if tey are exhausted.

HerrenaHandbasket Tue 09-Apr-13 17:47:13

I poke mine with a stick piglet wink

Euphemia France Tue 09-Apr-13 17:47:35

Well if there were instructions she should have made them clear beforehand.

Ungrateful cow - I'd be telling her to fuck right off. angry

pigletmania Tue 09-Apr-13 17:48:19

Your friend is being very unreasonable expecting a baby to nap on demand, te pour thing had a lovely day and needed sleep unfortunately toddlers and babes don't always do what we want. Can you take 14 month ds out you sound lovely, ignore her

OHforDUCKScake Tue 09-Apr-13 17:49:19

I think you would be a door mat to ever take her child out again tbh.

Floggingmolly Tue 09-Apr-13 17:49:45

What a womble. hmm I've had three toddlers and I never mastered the art of "letting" them sleep at a time convenient to me even at night

popebenedictsp45 Tue 09-Apr-13 17:50:12

Presumably on the way there she wouldn't have been tired! As others have said it is impossible to keep a sleepy two year old awake on a car journey.

Shame you've been made to feel like the bad guy for doing something nice for your friend.

rundontwalk Tue 09-Apr-13 17:50:37

You sound lovely & your friend has been spectacularly rude! In her place I would be very greatful. Don't take it to heart smile

tunnocksteacake Tue 09-Apr-13 17:52:22

Like you could have 'arranged' for her to sleep on the way! I always want that to happen but sometimes it doesn't. A late nap is then almost inevitable, especially after a lovely busy fun day like the one you gave her.

You did a great job. I have a 4yo and an 18mo available for collection grin

FBmum Tue 09-Apr-13 17:53:30

Next time, feed the child Coca cola and Haribo on the way home. Hand her over a REALLY lively child grin

tiggytape Tue 09-Apr-13 17:53:50

Not being used to toddlers, I obviously don't know how to do that.

I've had 2 toddlers and never worked out how you make them sleep when you want them to and keep them awake whilst also safely driving a car if they are fit to drop.

Some people do go to mad extreme lengths to achieve this (pulling the car over, undressing the baby to make them cold, blaring music, poking the baby's feet every 2 seconds) but if they want to sleep, they will. I think your friend is ungrateful and unfair.

josiejay Tue 09-Apr-13 17:55:28

How rude! You sound like a lovely friend, she sounds like an ungrateful madam. I would never dream of complaining about anything a friend did when minding my DC as long as they were kept safe and they didn't deliberately do anything that was against my express wishes. Yes a late nap can be a PITA but it's sometimes unavoidable and often just means the DC has had a really fun day. And keeping a sleepy toddler awake in the car is pretty much impossible.
At least you and the little one had a lovely day, I would just focus on that and ignore your 'friend'

mrsjay Tue 09-Apr-13 17:55:49

it would have been the nap things parents of toddlers can get obsessed with naps it tips them over the edge, however she was a rude moo you had her dd for the afternoon she had no right to be so bloody snooty about it ,dont have the baby again

Deadhamsterssmell Tue 09-Apr-13 17:57:09

I was a nanny for seven years, then I had my own 3 DC and I still haven't mastered the art of keeping children awake in the car, nor getting them to sleep on demand...

You sound a lovely, kind person and it wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest if mine had gone to sleep, I would just have been so grateful for time to myself.

Did the text contain the words 'thank you'

Your friend is just supremely rude

AllOverIt Tue 09-Apr-13 18:02:18

What a bee-atch. Please don't offer to do her any more favours. She doesn't deserve you as a friend.

You sound lovely. You're welcome to watch my two any time. wink

Coconutty Costa Rica Tue 09-Apr-13 18:02:48

A can of redbull is what you needed. In her bottle.

BalloonSlayer Tue 09-Apr-13 18:03:06

Text back and say "I am so sorry. I suggest you dock my wages or mention your dissatisfaction in my annual appraisal."

AuntFini Tue 09-Apr-13 18:03:32

Stealth no it didn't! I'd usually get grumpy with someone for being so rude (in response to whoever said I'd be a doormat taking her out again) but I generally really like her and love spending time with her sweet DD, but perhaps in future I'll just go out with her as well rather than taking her DD on her own. At least having come on AIBU I know that I haven't committed some sort of baby faux pas!

Or just have my own DC and sod looking after everyone else's ;)

Fluffycloudland77 Tue 09-Apr-13 18:03:40

Wow. Some people are so ungrateful.

I wouldn't bother doing it again but you only piss me off once in a lifetime.

WinkyWinkola Tue 09-Apr-13 18:06:16

But even if your friend had told you not to let the child nap, what are you actually supposed to do if she conks out?

Ungracious woman. That's one friend you should bin.

DontSHOUTTTTTT Tue 09-Apr-13 18:06:30

Your friend is not a friend. angry

What she did was spectacularly rude and ungrateful. You did her a huge favour.

I would either drop her as a friend or would let her know how I feel.

Does she have 'history' or being a bitch rude?

DontSHOUTTTTTT Tue 09-Apr-13 18:07:39


..... of being a ....

Not ...or being a.....

TraineeBabyCatcher Tue 09-Apr-13 18:09:08

Maybe if you want to take her out in the future, you view it as doing yourself a favour- in that you get to spend lovely quality time with the dc, and sod what the friend thinks.

I'd love a friend like you and I definitely wouldn't be so damn rude and ungrateful.

WowOoo Colombia Tue 09-Apr-13 18:10:31

Bloody hell! How completely ungrateful.

We just had a childless friend babysit our 3 yr old and although sleeping at 5 o'clock is far from ideal (from a getting them off to sleep at 6:30 point of view), I really couldn't complain. I'd had a day off my 3 yr old and he'd (ds2) had a wonderful, tiring day. He slept far later than usual, but that's not a problem. I didn't instruct our friend not to let him sleep and to let him have a tantrum instead!

As he refused money, I left our friend a potted plant, wine and a DVD.

AuntFini Tue 09-Apr-13 18:10:44

No she doesn't have history at all and I thought she was fairly laid back with her DD so I wonder if it's something to do with having parents to stay etc or something else has happened which has put her in a terrible mood! On the other hand if that was the case she'd likely have calmed down about it by now but there was a gap between her picking DD up and texting me so it's obviously a sustained feeling of pissed-off-ness that I failed to keep a tired baby awake!!

So I think maybe I'll text back and just say I think she's been rude and I was doing her a favour.

MooMooSkit Tue 09-Apr-13 18:12:36

Your friend was really rude and i have a 3 year old, let me tell you, I still haven't mastered keeping him awake in a car! Impossible! If we've had a day out he will just drop off on the way home, not sure how she expeced you to get her to nap on the way there, most kids are excited about going places so will stay awake on the journey to said place!

lockets Tue 09-Apr-13 18:12:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Exhaustipated Tue 09-Apr-13 18:15:24

Wow. Was her text unprompted or did you ask her if anything was wrong? Would love to hear the whole text actually 'cause I'm nosy as I can't actually believe someone would be so rude and ungrateful!

My text in that situation (late nap or not) would be something like 'Thank you SO much you are an amazing friend. I owe you one! Thank you again love Exhaustipated xxxxx'


DontSweatTheSmallStuff Tue 09-Apr-13 18:18:37

How ungrateful. If she was that bothered she should have woken her dd up when she moved her. It's virtually impossible to stop a child that age sleeping in the car if they are that tired after a day out. Blimey, my 5 and 7 year old -- and DH - lazy lump-- all fell asleep in the car yesterday after a day out.

digerd Tue 09-Apr-13 18:18:52

She should have thanked you for looking after her baby for that long- you were doing her a favour!!

You should be 'off' with her for being so ungrateful
She deserves a 'ticking off' from you

I wouldn't be doing her this favour again.

fuzzpig Tue 09-Apr-13 18:20:19

She is being rude, ungrateful and rather precious to boot.

"Days out" ie fun things you do when someone other than mummy and daddy take you out for the day are by definition exhausting and it is to be expected that sleep will be messed up.

On the rare occasion my parents take my DCs out somewhere I always expect them to have napped in the car. Even if it is a bit annoying, I'm still grateful that we've had some childfree time and that my DCs have had a great day.

mrsjay Tue 09-Apr-13 18:21:27

infact OP can you take me to the farm and for lunch next time i promise i wont nap i would grin

AuntFini Tue 09-Apr-13 18:24:36

No her text was unprompted so she's likely to have been simmering all day or something.

It was hey hun, i wasn't too pleased picking ** up coz she was sleeping and it took forever to wake her and you know the fam is here. I expected you to let her sleep on the way but NOT on the way back.

So I said: I was doing you a favour, you asked me to take ** out and you chose the time I should go and return so really I think you owe me an apology and a thank you!

Reply has been- I didn't think u taking her out would make my life harder not easier, did u even give her lunch as she's woken up really hungry and crying as well.


toffeelolly Tue 09-Apr-13 18:26:09

What a rude cow!

OzmaofOz Tue 09-Apr-13 18:26:09

angry << does the Marge Simpson annoyed noise.>>

BeepBeepBeep Tue 09-Apr-13 18:27:29

shock her reply is even ruder. How ungrateful. I would have loved it one of my friends had done this for me.
I wouldn't bother anymore if I were you!

LifeofPo Tue 09-Apr-13 18:28:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mumsyblouse Tue 09-Apr-13 18:28:11

She's made it really easy for you- don't take her daughter out again!

What a shame, you did such a nice thing and she is really not grateful. You can't keep a child from sleeping, what where you supposed to do- turn around when in the car driving?! As you say, if she was incredibly concerned the child shouldn't be sleeping she should have said an earlier time, even if she had said 'don't let them sleep' how are you supposed to stop them? And the remark about the food is just incredible.

Sorry you found out the hard way, but your other friends with children would love your help- my girls would love an 'AuntFini'.

ExBrightonBell Tue 09-Apr-13 18:28:25

I've been reading this thread with growing incredulity at your friends ingratitude, but the "did you even give her lunch" comment had tipped me over the edge! You must be fuming!

Euphemia France Tue 09-Apr-13 18:28:48

I'd reply "Fuck off and pay a nanny next time."

Hopasholic Tue 09-Apr-13 18:29:46

flowers for lovely Fini

biscuit for your friend <stbxf> grin

AuntFini Tue 09-Apr-13 18:29:54

Not to worry as there'll be absolutely no favours in future for this 'friend'. Shame as her DD is a real sweetie but I just can't be bothered with it after today.

Hissy Brazil Tue 09-Apr-13 18:30:32

My DS has always found car journeys soporific, I used to have to tell him to keep watching for the moon, as if he took his eyes off it, or fell asleep, the moon wouldn't be able to follow us home!

He's 7 now, and still falls asleep if we're on a motorway! Even after only an hour he'll start to nod off!

You took her DD out, she got a world of stuff done, and her DD had a lovely time. If she had an issue with naps, she should have said.

Ultimately though there wouldn't be a thing you could do, and you did do her an immense favour!

tiggytape Tue 09-Apr-13 18:30:43

Bloody cheek!
This is totally normal for 2 year olds: Exciting day out, deep sleep on the way home, wakes up cranky all evening and starving hungry, late to bed as won't sleep and cranky all the next day too. Back to normal the day after that.

There's no such thing as an easy life with most toddlers at that age and your friend is very rude. Maybe if you're being charitable you might put it down to her having lots of other stuff going on and generally being strung out? She is still totally unreasonable though.

mombie Tue 09-Apr-13 18:31:33

Reply saying that you wont be doing her any favours in the future, tell her you have been on mumsnet and everyone thinks she is a kn*b.

tiggytape Tue 09-Apr-13 18:32:37

Hissy - DS is 12 and still falls asleep on the motorway. In 5 years time he'll be old enough to drive so hopefully he'll grow out of it soon!!

OzmaofOz Tue 09-Apr-13 18:32:55

Is this really out of character ? Hopefully she will come to her senses and be a bit blush about it.
I would be so great full if someone took my dc out for the day......where do you live ? I have 2 lively 2 year olds who love going to the farm....

Mumsyblouse Tue 09-Apr-13 18:33:37

if we have a really full on day, my children still fall asleep and they are 7 and 9! At two no chance of a day out at a farm then not resulting in sleep.

OHforDUCKScake Tue 09-Apr-13 18:33:42

shock massive BITCH! shock

ssd Tue 09-Apr-13 18:33:51

op, you know what to do next time she needs a favour....

this is rude and really nasty, please dont think you did anything wrong, you said great and she sounds like a cow

digerd Tue 09-Apr-13 18:33:53

While you are driving it's dangerous to expect you to take your eyes off the road to search for anything to stick in her mouth to keep her awake.

She is totally in the wrong.

ssd Tue 09-Apr-13 18:34:15

sorry you sound great!

adeucalione Tue 09-Apr-13 18:34:41

Please don't feel that you have done something wrong - I've got three DC and you can't keep an exhausted toddler awake, no matter how experienced you are.

What a shame that she has been so ungrateful.

I would avoid anything too confrontational as she may be behaving out of character due to the stress of her family descending on her - that isn't an excuse but it would be a shame to burn bridges I think. I would maintain the moral high ground - 'of course I fed her, we had such a lovely day, I just didn't know how to keep her awake, really thought I was helping you and am sad about your attitude'. If that doesn't elicit an apology in the next day or two then she really isn't a friend and will need to make alternative childcare arrangements in future.

TheCrackFox Tue 09-Apr-13 18:34:48

She sounds like an ungrateful madam.

I would have kissed your feet if you had taken my two out when they were toddlers.

popebenedictsp45 Tue 09-Apr-13 18:35:10

OMG what a complete arse! "Did you even feed her" ... I would be spitting.

lockets Tue 09-Apr-13 18:35:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StoickTheVast Tue 09-Apr-13 18:37:30

Absolute cow.

pointythings Netherlands Tue 09-Apr-13 18:38:20

Bloody hell, don't do her any more favours. I'd go with lockets suggestion for a return text and then ditch this so-called friend permanently.

Actually I'd want to be much more ungracious than lockets but probably would restrain myself for the sake of having the moral high ground...

HerrenaHandbasket Tue 09-Apr-13 18:39:19

I suggest the following as a response:

"I realise that you're stressed with family visiting etc. However I feel that I did you a favour by taking DD out for the day and that you've been completely ungrateful. It's a shame that she was asleep at an unsuitable time of day, but if you can tell me how exactly to keep a sleepy toddler from nodding off in a car then I would be all ears. I've asked a few mums (that's us, ladies wink) what they think online and they don't know how to do that either. So basically, I think you're in a bad mood and taking it out on me, which isn't fair. I love spending time with your DD and would like to do so again in future, but not if you're going to be like this. Enjoy your family visit"

Or you could say you'd asked your mum/friends who are mums/woman in Tesco/whatever. Just make the point that it's not you being ignorant of appropriate sleep technique, it's her being wildly unreasonable!

Fluffycloudland77 Tue 09-Apr-13 18:40:26

She's not a friend she's an ungrateful madam who can damn well manage on her own next time.

You sound lovely op.

PickledInAPearTree Tue 09-Apr-13 18:40:35

If you were my friend and did that for me I would lie prostrate at you feet and love you forever more.

Will you be my friend?

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 09-Apr-13 18:40:39


what a cow!

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 09-Apr-13 18:41:09

Don't text back, call her if you are going to communicate further about this

piratecat Tue 09-Apr-13 18:41:53

how do you make a child sleep on the 'way there'

bizarre woman.

i have a dd who never ever fell asleep in the car, from birth lol. drove me nuts.

Airwalk79 Tue 09-Apr-13 18:42:06

Cheeky, rude, ungrateful, sure you can find better friends than this!

AuntFini Tue 09-Apr-13 18:42:21

I did consider the MN favourite 'did you mean to be so rude?'

I've just said not to worry your DD ate plenty at lunchtime. You've been very ungrateful and I'm pretty fed up now. Feel free to apologise at anytime!

and she's said I suppose it isn't really your fault, DH* says you would understand if you had your own so I'll see you soon hun

I considered a simple fuck off but I've turned off my phone and cracked open the wine, it's not too early is it? grin

ByTheWay1 Tue 09-Apr-13 18:42:43

shock shock shock how ungrateful!

To echo digerd "She is totally in the wrong" !!!

DragonMamma Tue 09-Apr-13 18:43:28

What a bitch. I'd never look after her DD again and I'd be seriously reconsidering the friendship.

piratecat Tue 09-Apr-13 18:43:31

omg i missed the bit about taking her out and food.

utter utter bitch. i don't care how stressed she is, that's bloody rude, and if it were me i wouldn't reply, and i wouldn't be bothering with her again.

quoteunquote Tue 09-Apr-13 18:43:44

OP, please please come and take my children out for the day,

I will provide a slap up meal of your choice and as much wine as you can drink, and you can either crash the night, and be made a lovely breakfast or we will take you home.

I'll also as way of return of the massive favour come round and do your DIY.

That's what we do if friends help out.

Two year olds fall asleep on the way home from great days out, so much to process.

that person is rude and ungrateful.

Tomorrows to do list.

1. Find better friends.

LemonBreeland Tue 09-Apr-13 18:44:44

Wow what a bitch. Still making it out that it's your fault that her dd was tired. And then the bullshit about not having your own. This is one situqtion where that does not apply.

pigletmania Tue 09-Apr-13 18:45:18

My goodness they are both awful. Even more experienced parents find it difficult to keep an exhausted child awake, what to they do poke him hw cruel. They sound bonkers op, steer clear

Taffeta Tue 09-Apr-13 18:46:09

Unbelievable entitled ungrateful cow! I have never had a friend offer to take my DC for a trip out, what a wonderful gesture so rudely and ungraciously accepted.

I would steer well clear. Save the favours for the deserving.

ClaraOswald Tue 09-Apr-13 18:47:17

Wow, she certainly has a chip on her shoulder the size of a brick!

How patronising can a woman get!

ExBrightonBell Tue 09-Apr-13 18:47:25

Wow, she keeps managing to find a new level of rude! And her DH is probably just protecting himself from being on the receiving end of her wrath by saying what she wants to hear.

AuntFini Tue 09-Apr-13 18:49:02

Thanks everyone, I'm not upset as I know now I've not done anything wrong and fuck the two of them, I'm sure they'll soon have no one left to do them favours if this is how they are!

Fluffycloudland77 Tue 09-Apr-13 18:49:14

I'd dump her for calling me hun frankly.

Taffeta Tue 09-Apr-13 18:50:00

Reply with "tell your DH he is right. When I have my own I will be expecting you to return the favour and then will micro pick at whatever you do. OK? Or would that be like, really rude?"

AitchTwoOhOneTwo Tue 09-Apr-13 18:50:04

wow, what a shocker of a response...

evertonmint Tue 09-Apr-13 18:50:20

If you had your own, you would understand...
1) that friends who look after your toddler are worth their weight in gold
2) that they're worth double their weight in gold if they don't have DC yet still look after yours
3) that nobody knows how to keep a toddler awake in the car or else they'd have patented it and would be a billionaire by now.

You are a lovely person. She, and her DH, are ungrateful and rude and will soon find nobody will help them out with childcare if they continue to behave like this.

Save your wonderful days out for children whose parents will appreciate you.

Exhaustipated Tue 09-Apr-13 18:50:38

OMG! She sounds awful. Is she usually like this? How completely horrible. Does she think she was doing you a favour or something?

I am fuming on your behalf. My mind is also struggling to comprehend how someone could think that was acceptable behaviour!

Mumsyblouse Tue 09-Apr-13 18:52:08

That's a classic, even her apology is an insult! Op you are doing so well to rise above this, but I really wouldn't help her again, you know, with your lack of experience an all smile

"and she's said I suppose it isn't really your fault, DH* says you would understand if you had your own so I'll see you soon hun"
Loose translation - I know I'm completely in the wrong but I am such a bitch I refuse to apologise and I think you're thick enough to see my total dismissal as an apology. Hun.

Not a very nice person.

Plenty of us have got kids on here and we all think she's a patronising spoilt bitch.

Don't do her any more favours. With friends like that... confused

Grange Tue 09-Apr-13 18:54:22

Quoteunquote - put it very well. What I'd give for 4 hours......

AuntFini Tue 09-Apr-13 18:54:54

Actually looking back I think perhaps she thinks letting me look after her DD so much and spending time with her has been a favour to me since I don't have my own, she did used to make little comments on the topic but I didn't particularly pick up on it, however I think now that that's how she's viewed it. In a way it is a favour to me when lovely friends let me look after their lovely children as I enjoy spending time with them, but I don't want to be pitied for not having any.

pigletmania Tue 09-Apr-13 18:57:21

Op her dd may be lovely but she does not sound too lovely to me.

Fudgemallowdelight Tue 09-Apr-13 18:57:28

Unless she apologised and thanked me in the next few days she would no longer be my friend. An apology when she is next looking for a babysitter wouldn't cut it though! You deserve better friends than that OP

bringonyourwreckingball Tue 09-Apr-13 18:57:50

There is nothing on this earth which will keep a small child awake in a car if they are inclined to sleep. Believe me, I tried. Poking, singing, sweets, even throwing small soft toys at them when sleep was particularly an issue. And if you're on your own with them driving safely is so, so much more important.

Your friend is an ungrateful mare who should be weepingly grateful that you are not only willing but actually happy to take her dd out for the day.

BigGiantCowWithAKnockKnockTail Tue 09-Apr-13 18:58:06

Bloody nora shock
I really hope this ex-friend is a MNer and is reading this with a growing sense if shame.

What a total bitch.

apachepony Tue 09-Apr-13 18:59:00

She is a complete bitch. That last text was actually designed to hurt. I guessed she thought she was doing you a favour by letting you spend time with her precious dd. seriously time to drop her like a hot stone!

fuzzpig Tue 09-Apr-13 19:00:17

I will be your friend. You can take my DCs out. As a favour to you, obviously. grin

crashdoll Tue 09-Apr-13 19:00:25

You sound like a lovely person. thanks She, on the other hand, is an ungrateful cow. I'm actually a bit shocked at her cheek!

Hissy Brazil Tue 09-Apr-13 19:02:26

Oh my god... Really?

There is only one response to her last DH said as much message..

<clears throat>

"I may not have my own kids yet, but I know a PFB when I see one."

Bet she's a NetHun.... Wiv a ticker and evryfing <shudder>

Sanctimumious Tue 09-Apr-13 19:03:38

i laughed at the suggested reply of "next time pay a nanny" but really, I think the straightforward "did you mean to sound so rude and ungrateful?' is in order.

ChippingInIsEggceptional Tue 09-Apr-13 19:04:19

OMG how rude is she???

'You'd understand if you had kids' <<< ??? Blood boiling comment if I ever heard one!

I was going to give you half a dozen replies - but actually, turning off your phone and cracking open the wine is far more sensible smile

I have a friend who can be like this, we've been friends our whole lives (she feels more like a cousin than a friend) and she fucks me off big time sometimes, but I love her... so I put up with it, but certainly wouldn't from anyone else and sadly it means I don't do as much with her kids as I used to, it's just not worth the hassle.

ChippingInIsEggceptional Tue 09-Apr-13 19:05:13

I hope she's an MNer actually and gets to read first hand what an utter prat she has been!

LovesBeingWokenEveryNight Tue 09-Apr-13 19:06:16

shock cheeky cow

Sanctimumious Tue 09-Apr-13 19:06:54

AuntFini, i agree, have a wine and take heart, she's nuts. If youtook my kids and forcefed them crisps ALL day long, I'd still have appreciated the break fgs, still have thanked you!!!!!!! (and meant it).

pudcat Tue 09-Apr-13 19:07:29

When I pick my 7 year old granddaughter from school she is often asleep by the time I get her home on a 15 minute car journey. No amount of singing or shouting prevents it. Your friend is really very rude and ungrateful. How on earth were you supposed to make her sleep on the way there? And what does your friend do to keep her awake?

habbibu Tue 09-Apr-13 19:08:15

Bloody hell. I have kids and I don't understand her at all. Do you want kids? It sounds a bit like a jibe.

habbibu Tue 09-Apr-13 19:10:02

You could just send her an invoice for the time. With a small discount for "child not returned in sufficiently wakeful condition".

Have to add my shock. What a cow!!

If she really thinks you are the kind of person who wouldn't feed her dd at lunch time then why did she let you take her out? Cheeky bloody mare.

5madthings Tue 09-Apr-13 19:11:13

Omg how rude!

Five children here and not much you can do to stop a toddler falling asleep in the car.

I would have to send some sarcy reply back.

Taffeta Tue 09-Apr-13 19:11:46

Yy invoice plus add petrol, farm entry fee and food.

K8Middleton Tue 09-Apr-13 19:12:05

I have kids. She's an unreasonable cow.

HighJinx Tue 09-Apr-13 19:14:37

I suppose it isn't really your fault, DH says you would understand if you had your own so I'll see you soon hun*

Text back "I suppose it isn't really your fault you're so rude and ungrateful. You'd understand that if you weren't such a pair of twats."

Areyoumadorisitme Tue 09-Apr-13 19:15:17

OP - she is being completely rude and ungrateful.

Ds2 has a friend whose mum seems to think we should be grateful to have her DS round to play as he is so perfect. Drives me mad.

Any parent should be very grateful for anyone who takes their children and voluntarily looks after them and brings them back fed and safe. Bloody cheek of the woman! You were being a good friend and I would steer clear of doing her any more favours.

Nobhead Tue 09-Apr-13 19:15:21

Speechless, just speechless. What a twat she is!

KenDoddsDadsDog Chile Tue 09-Apr-13 19:15:51

Utterly rude - and the DH comment is wanky as well.
I hope her DD keeps her up all night. Preferably playing with vTech toys.

Salmotrutta Tue 09-Apr-13 19:16:10

Text her back to say "NO. I don't think you WILL see me soon...^Hun^. "

Salmotrutta Tue 09-Apr-13 19:17:37

She clearly assumes that looking after her DD is lighting up your life hmm.

She is a cheeky besom.

Taffeta Tue 09-Apr-13 19:17:48

ROFL @ vTech toy insomnia grin

BlancheHunt Tue 09-Apr-13 19:19:06

She is a massive twat.

KenDoddsDadsDog Chile Tue 09-Apr-13 19:19:18

"Hello Puppy Calling" at 4am would be fabulous revenge.

BalloonSlayer Tue 09-Apr-13 19:19:30

"Yeah when I have kids I'll understand that having someone give up a whole day to take one of them out so I can have a break is doing me a massive FAVOUR, and not think that dumping my kid on someone is doing THEM a favour, like you seem to."

BlancheHunt Tue 09-Apr-13 19:20:01

And so is her husband.

Taffeta Tue 09-Apr-13 19:21:23

Yy or a rogue ZhuZhu pet.

AuntFini Tue 09-Apr-13 19:21:48

Yes hun makes me feel nauseous as well.

The more I think about it the crosser I am. No need to worry that she'll read this, she's definitely more of a nethun

OHforDUCKScake Tue 09-Apr-13 19:24:16

You sound really, well, sound!

Glad you arent a door mat grin grin.

Salmotrutta Tue 09-Apr-13 19:24:53

Feed the crossness.

And remember it the next time she asks a favour. grin

ssd Tue 09-Apr-13 19:28:05

and her dh sounds a patronising arse as well

they make a cute couple

Wow! What a bitch she is!

AuntFini thanks I'd love to add you to my list of friends who can babysit (well, they're 13 and 9 now, but one evening a week would be useful).

I'd be so grateful, like all the others here grin, that I'd treat you like a VIP and be happy to do favours in return.

I mean, isn't that what you're supposed to do? Be grateful if someone does you a favour? After all, at present I'm doing a small craft commission in return for someone who was able to take DS for a few hours when DP got unexpectedly taken to hospital. It's the least I could do.

MusicalEndorphins Tue 09-Apr-13 19:34:13

did u even give her lunch
What a way to speak to you!
She doesn't realize how lucky she is to have a friend who genuinely adores her dd and takes her out to give her time to go whatever. Talk about ungrateful!
Once my brother babysat for me for overnight when my ds was 3. I came home about 9 at night the next day, and he was just cooking spaghetti for them to eat, he had taken my ds to the beach for all that day and they had not eaten at all, just had drinks. I was not pleased, but my son had a fun day with his uncle whom he adored, and did not die of starvation!

Hopefully it will sink in to her that she was out of line, and gives you a sincere apology.

You will be a great mum when you have your own!

lisad123everybodydancenow Tue 09-Apr-13 19:35:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chilliandbanana Tue 09-Apr-13 19:35:46

Hour long car journey today and 5 year old and 3 year old conked in the back from 4 - 5 pm after a day out. It happens and there isn't much you can do about it.

I tried singing one direction REALLY loudly to keep them awake and still ZZzzzzz grin

Your friend is VERY rude and VERY ungrateful. Bin her!

LittlePoot Tue 09-Apr-13 19:40:35

Oh my God! I know this has already been said a hundred times but you did nothing whatsoever wrong and she really is a prize pain in the ass! I have a two year old and if you took him off my hands for a few hours, let him have a brilliant time but didn't obey his regular sleep schedule (!) I wouldn't give a monkeys! Even at night if I got home and you still had him up at 11, I'd still just be grateful for the free time and be in your debt. Catching up sleep for a toddler is so not a big deal. One scrappy day max to catch up. Way too precious! You are lovely! x

RenterNomad Tue 09-Apr-13 19:40:40

Maybe you don't deserve quite the foot-licking you're getting here grin, but she was totally unrealistic and extremely rude, particularly in not taking the chance to smooth over her first rudeness, and getting increasingly belligerent.

I'm pretty sleep-deprived at the moment, but wouldn't expect to be forgiven anything more than her thoughtless first reaction. Certainly being calculatingly rude like that, whether she's taking out some other frustrations on you or not, is beyond the pale.

AuntFini Tue 09-Apr-13 19:45:29

Oh renter I'm enjoying said foot-licking.

We live and learn anyway, no more friendship with this one and her charmer of a husband.

RenterNomad Tue 09-Apr-13 19:48:03

Yeah, foot licking is lovely, but best not to get used to it, eh? wink

candyandyoga Tue 09-Apr-13 19:52:37

She is a patronising bitch!

You sound wonderful and I bet you would make a fab mummy :-)

I would cut her off and be friends with me!

Seriously - delete her from your life and don't even respond to her again and get in with your life.

Do you want children? X

CSIJanner Tue 09-Apr-13 19:53:18

"Nethun" - love it!

Shame she doesn't appreciate you for all you've done. Sounds like she's been sniping at her husband for him to come out with that line. I would have invoiced for lunch just to insure that she knew that I fed her daughter but then that's me being pernickety.

Have a glass or two for me! I miss my wine

GreatUncleEddie Tue 09-Apr-13 19:56:35

Cheeky mare. I have plenty of experience of toddlers and I have no idea how to make one sleep on the way to a day out when it is morning and they aren't tired.

RollerCola Tue 09-Apr-13 19:58:02

Blimey I'm really shocked at the rudeness of this woman. If a friend had looked after my 2yr old child for 4 hours (especially a friend who didn't have children of their own) I would have been grateful to them for THE REST OF MY LIFE!

I very rarely had the opportunity to have any child-free time when mine were little so any offers to look after my children would have been met with 'yes, yes, please do with them whatever you wish' from me grin

Never heard such rudeness.

Hedgepig Tue 09-Apr-13 20:11:50

I'd be interested to hear how she thought you could stop her DD sleeping in the car. You were driving the car so it's not really practical or safe to reach into the back and prod the little girl to keep her awake is it shock. I have 2 DS and I have never been able to keep them awake on car journeys

AuntFini Tue 09-Apr-13 20:11:57

I do want children just not for a while yet as I'm just starting a new career and need to get my teeth into my new job for a bit longer before I start trying.

LifeofPo Tue 09-Apr-13 20:17:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I'd love to know how she gets her DD to sleep only on specific car journeys. I have a 2yo DD and have no idea - I have my own and really don't understand.

I'd drop her unless you get a full, grovelling apology.

eccentrica Tue 09-Apr-13 20:38:45

Just shock at her rudeness. I hope you do tell her to fuck off.

FrubesOnTheCouch Tue 09-Apr-13 20:39:20


fluffypillow Tue 09-Apr-13 20:41:15

You sound like a lovely friend. I would be so grateful to you if it was me.

She was very rude. YANBU.

Wow. I mean, just wow. What an ungrateful caaaah. If she hadn't wanted her dd to fall asleep in the car on the way home, telling you first off would have been a start, or providing a brand new toy for her to play with on the way home* and distract her would have been the thing to do instead of whinging to you about it.

*I do love the giftshop on the way out of an attraction grin

Heinz55 Tue 09-Apr-13 20:50:09

AuntFini, I have to tell you this: I have two dc, and I also have the most amazing friends - their only fault is that I cannot manage to keep up with their kindness and generosity! I mean that and yet none of them would volunteer to have my dc for an afternoon!! You are worth your weight in gold and really, your former friend is not worthy of your generosity. I know I'm joining a very long queue but I'll be your friend grin - and I promise to be sweet as pie when you drop them back fast asleep!! wine

Glittertwins Tue 09-Apr-13 20:51:06

You can have my pair any time! Sounds like you both had a great time and your friend is being overly precious.
There is nothing that anyone can do about a toddler falling asleep. Yes, it can be annoying when DS falls asleep 1 mile from home but he had a good time running about first. It's impossible to keep him awake but he's not a toy to only be taken out / played with for our convenience.

Your friend is a T.W.A.T.

That is all.

Charlesroi England Tue 09-Apr-13 20:55:14

AuntFini - judging by the long (but largely orderly) queue of mums wanting you to take their children out, I'd say you did a grand job.

Your friend is probably just dreading the prospect of visitors.

YellowandGreenandRedandBlue Tue 09-Apr-13 21:00:00

Wow, just wow at the critique of your efforts. I'd have been so grateful for help back in the day.

Definitely ditch this person, they don't deserve you.

thezebrawearspurple Tue 09-Apr-13 21:29:59

What an ungrateful bitch, her and her husband! Fools. You sound like a great friend and a brilliant babysitter, her loss. Hope you told her to fuck offsmile

BlueBumedFly Tue 09-Apr-13 21:51:47

What a cowbag!!

Probably insecure that you entertained her child effortlessly and returned a happy and exhausted child with a smile on your face. She probably cannot manage that as she is so uptight about micro managing her own child that she has forgotten how to have fun.


My DD is 5 and loves farms and Aunties smile

Jessepinkman Tue 09-Apr-13 21:55:40

At the risk of being the lone voice, the mum wanted her dd back so her dd would be presented in the best light to the family that she was prepaing for, she didn't want her dd being asleep at first and then a grumpy little grump later when she woke up. That's why she was upset, she wanted everything to be perfect for her visistors.

YWNBU. You helped her and her dd had a lovely time. Its not your fault, it was timing that her dd had so much fun with you, and I'm sure over their visit that the rest will see dd for how sweet she is, not just the tired grump. You are an easy blame. dd is not normally like this, she normally sleeps really well etc.

I hope that I am clear, that I don't think that you have done anything wrong, she has just met her family and the ICEBREAKER was asleep.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 09-Apr-13 22:34:40


yes, we all understand that. Being upset and being a bitch are two different things.

chansondumatin Tue 09-Apr-13 22:42:30

Awful behaviour. Sounds as though your friend is used to taking you for granted. Didn't she imply, in her own (badly punctuated) words that you were there to 'make her life easier'? I wouldn't see her again until she realises that the world doesn't revolve around her and her childcare needs.

olivertheoctopus Tue 09-Apr-13 22:48:30

YANBU. Your friend IBU. Presumably she didn't say beforehand 'please don't let her nap' altho how you stop a kid falling asleep in the car is beyond me.

BlackeyedSusan England Tue 09-Apr-13 22:55:47

shock you let a toddler sleep in the car? don't you know you have to keep poking them with a pointy stick to keep them awake.

it is virtually impossibble to keep a tired toddler from falling asleep in the car. even shouting their name and talking to them loudly and shaking their leg at every traffic light!

your friend is ungrateful. there are planty of sweet children about, with lovely parents wwho would be extremely grateful to lend a you a child so they can get things done/sleep

I tried everything to keep children awake, windows open, very loud music blasting out, singing like a demented loon. But it takes just a split second when you stop to look when turning right and they are asleep. I've got a great picture of my daughter who fell asleep with a huge sandwich crust hanging out of her mouth!

GingerBlondecat Wed 10-Apr-13 06:13:05

I get the sence of jelousy on her words.

She might not 'enjoy' being a Mum. And then she see's you having a Fabulous time with the child.


You did nothing wrong, it IS all her.

edwardsmum11 Wed 10-Apr-13 06:21:02

Sounds like a spoilt madam tbh...

CheerfulYank Wed 10-Apr-13 06:30:02

Total caaahhhhh.

My DS goes to stay with my parents for occasional long weekends and returns exhausted and out of sorts. It's just the way it is and the time off is worth it.

thegreylady Wed 10-Apr-13 08:21:09

Both my grandchildren aged 4 and 6 fall asleep after a tiring fun day. The older one can be kept awake with conversation but the 4 year old cannot. Their mum just asks me to keep them awake if I can but even so the 4 year old dropped off on Tuesday after 6 hours at the safari park and on Thursday last week after 3 hours at an outdoor play park. Your friend is being horrible. If you really like her just tell her you won't be taking the child out again otherwise I'd let the friendship go.

OnwardBound Wed 10-Apr-13 09:35:54

Wow, your 'friend' is a real charmer ain't she hmm

I agree with everything else everyone has already said re her entitled ungrateful attitude and the impossibility of keeping a 2 year old awake after an exciting and busy afternoon.

But I wondered, did your friend a] send her daughter with any food/lunch to eat or b] offer you any money to pay for lunch out?

Because this is a bare minimum requirement, as in she should have been responsible for this, NOT you [and if she was a grateful nice person she would have offered to pay for you too].

And did she even think to bring you a bunch of flowers or a box of chocolates to say thank you for minding her DC for 4 hours whilst she got on with other things?

And all this 'hunning' makes her sound like a brain dead passive aggressive anyway.

You are well shot of her OP. She sounds like a rude ungrateful PITA.

I would be absolutely livid angry

DontSweatTheSmallStuff Wed 10-Apr-13 09:40:45

She just gets worse. As Dh would say - she's got her head so far up her own arse you can see out of her own mouth.

DontSweatTheSmallStuff Wed 10-Apr-13 09:41:43

she can see out, not you

Must preview!

OnwardBound Wed 10-Apr-13 09:45:15

DontSweat I don't get that..

If you have your head up your arse how can you see out your own mouth? confused

Longdistance Wed 10-Apr-13 09:55:00

What an ungrateful cow of a friend you have.
You can have my dd's for the day anytime, if you take them to a farm grin
If she had a late nap that would be advantageous as family are visiting, hence they wanting to see her, she'll be excited that family are visiting anyway.
I hope she comes up with a thank you very soon,or she can bog off for next time!

Crinkle77 Wed 10-Apr-13 09:57:08

OP you sound lovely and your 'friend' sounds like a complete cow. If she would have preferred her to sleep on the way there rather than on the way back she should have said in the first place. But then you can't make a child sleep on demand. You were doing her a favour and she threw it back in your face. Even if she was annoyed she could have just pretended not to be, smiled and thanked you. She would not be a friend of mine any longer.

AnyoneforTurps Wed 10-Apr-13 10:00:16

Agree with everyone else. The only thing that you should be worried about is that you have a crap friend. I <<<forbid you>>> on pain of execution by MN firing squad from apologising to her.

I am particularly shock that she actually had the cheek to complain in a text. I can just about excuse being a bit moody at the time if she is very sleep-deprived but anyone with the slightest sense would have realised that she was BU and apologised immediately, not complained.

AnyoneforTurps Wed 10-Apr-13 10:04:26

PS I'd email her the link to this thread.

Then delete her contact details.

DontSweatTheSmallStuff Wed 10-Apr-13 10:10:19

grin onward Good point. You've obviously given it more thought than us. grin

I knew what he meant though


I can't believe she expected you to magically know that she wanted her DD awake on arrival.

and how the hell do you keep a child/toddler awake in the car after a day out?! confused

I'm at a loss!

then she woke up hungry and crying? did she wake up naturally, or did the mum force her to wake so she could be the little doll/entertainer for her family?
since when did family getting to play with the child become more important than the child's needs?
of course she woke up hungry and crying!

The woman is a complete loon.

and she definitely stepped over the line actually more like ran over it with no regard for the line when she was so very rude to you!
"when you have kids you'll understand" hmm
yep, just like all the mums on 215 messages (bar one or two) obviously don't understand either.

onward - it's not closed, is it?
food gets from the mouth done the food pipe in to the stomach and into the bowl.
there must be a route for the head to take.

and they were visiting for the week as well - not like it was just the afternoon and they wouldn't have another chance!!!

LadyClariceCannockMonty Wed 10-Apr-13 10:33:32

'you would understand if you had your own'. What a snide passive-aggressive comment. And interesting that she has to attribute it to her DH as well – doesn't even have the guts to make her own comments, eh?

OP, you obviously have a healthy amount of self-respect and emotional literacy to know that you weren't in the wrong and to ask her for an apology.

So are you going to reply if/when she contacts you again? I can't believe her cheek saying 'so I'll see you soon hun'!

YouTheCat Wed 10-Apr-13 10:36:34

At least if she asks you again (and I think she will when it suits her) you can just say 'Oh no, I sorry I'm not a mum so I don't have a clue' or you could just tell her to piss right off of course.

ArtemisiaGentileschisThumb Wed 10-Apr-13 10:43:12

It's arrogant of her to think that she is doing you a favour by letting you look after her pfb! When I am lucky enough to have someone look after my DS I tell them to do what they want, feed him what they want and no worries if he falls asleep. I deal with the fall out afterwards if there is any. And as for DH, what a condescending shit, I do have children and I still don't understand their shitty and ungrateful attitude

LadyClariceCannockMonty Wed 10-Apr-13 10:44:23

'Oh no, I sorry I'm not a mum so I don't have a clue' grin grin

Love it. Please say that, OP.

What To Do If Your Toddler Falls Asleep Late Afternoon:

1. Let them sleep.
2. Wake them up.
3. Do whatever you do in the evening.
4. Take them to bed with you.

Problem solved.

noclue2000 Wed 10-Apr-13 10:49:15

She's a twunt.

SarahAndFuck England Wed 10-Apr-13 10:51:55

She should understand that pretty much every toddler sleeps in the car on the way back from a busy day out.

There's not much you can do about it.

She was rude and ungrateful and patronising.

JambalayaCodfishPie Wed 10-Apr-13 11:02:34

Genuinely don't understand how people can fail to appreciate such a good friend when they have one.

What sort of self centred world must they inhabit?

Oblomov Wed 10-Apr-13 11:16:30

The woman is an ungrateful loon.
As agreed, every baby and child falls asleep from a day out at park/legoland/etc at aged 2 mths or aged 11 and 3/4.
And trying to keep a tired baby from falling asleep is nigh on impossible and tiring to you, so most of us give up on that one after a few attempts.

JollyPurpleGiant Wed 10-Apr-13 11:30:06

Mad! If someone has my DS (only ever my mother, really) I give clear instructions if there is anything that would piss me off. If I haven't given clear instructions then it is my fault for not making the position clear.

If you want to come and take my nearly 2 year old out for the day then please feel free, OP. NE Scotland might be a bit of a trek for you though!

clam Wed 10-Apr-13 11:33:49

I'd love to know how she manages to stop her child from sleeping in the car, particularly after a busy day out. My two were invariably asleep on a trip to Tesco, before we even got to the end of the road. In fact, they're now teenagers, and still drop off on car journeys!

GreyWhites Wed 10-Apr-13 11:57:41

I would just like to join with everyone else here to say that, as someone who does have children, I do not understand your friend's vile behaviour either. I would be overjoyed to have a trusted friend take care of my DS for the day. I certainly wouldn't expect them to be able to keep him to his usual schedule (even if I did brief them about it beforehand which it sounds like your friend didn't).

For instance this week my parents looked after DS for the morning whilst I went out to do some things. They knew he needed a morning nap but didn't manage to get him to sleep. I was totally fine about this, kids don't always work to a schedule, and especially when they're not in their usual routine or with different people. I definitely would never in a million years assume a friend had failed to feed a child in their care. If I even suspected they might, I'd never have left my child with them in the first place.

IN brief: YANBU. Your friend is a total and utter cow.

Eeeeeowwwfftz Wed 10-Apr-13 14:08:10

OP - add us to your list of clients too.

If you need any further perspective - which you probably don't by now - it's difficult to time things "right" with your own child when you're with them for only part of the day, let alone someone else's. Our 2yo spends the odd morning with the childminder on the day that I'm at home so I can get stuff done. Even though we'll have a chat about whether he's slept, what he's eaten, etc, it's still very difficult to know when he'll be winding down for a(nother) nap or will be raring to go. The signals are much easier to read if you've been in each other's company all day, know exactly what was eaten and when, when he was last active etc. I almost always find that a nap happens when I least expect it. E.g., I make arrangements to meet for a coffee and he immediately decides to do a 2hr nap. Or he looks tired so I try and settle him down and he decides he really wants to be running around in the park. So certainly don't feel you should have "known"...

Personally, I'd be minded to send an invoice.

LadyBeagleEyes Wed 10-Apr-13 14:14:41

I've just read this thread and I'm utterly shock about your 'friend'.
I'd be so tempted to send her a copy of the whole thread.
And you sound lovely Op.

Every parent knows a toddler will fall asleep in the car after a busy day out, it's normal. She is just being vile.

SweetSeraphim Wed 10-Apr-13 22:37:47

Good lord, there are some cunts about, aren't there?

Bearbehind Wed 10-Apr-13 22:43:58

What a selfish cow! So she wanted her daughter to sleep on the way out with you so you got the grumpy, just woken up shift and she got the sweetness and light shift when her daughter came back.

I do hope you tell her where to go if she dares to call on your services again!

Squitten Wed 10-Apr-13 22:46:05

OMG! Your friend is a total cow! If she knew anything about children herself, she'd be aware that when a child wants to sleep, especially in a car, there's naff all you can do about it!

Glad you stood up for yourself and definitely keep your distance from that one and come and be my friend!

Plomino Thu 11-Apr-13 09:41:38

Wow! I can't believe you've been so restrained ! My text back would have read 'fuck off you terrible cunt . Hun . '

BTW , my oldest two still fall asleep on any car journey over 20 mins . They're 13 and 15 . But you can take them out if you wish , I won't even make you feed them !

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now