I bloody hate myself :-(

(52 Posts)
M0naLisa Mon 08-Apr-13 12:15:40

As you may have see. My previous tread re: Drs.

I smoked throughout my pregnancy and and because of my incompetence and selfishness he has breathing difficulties. He's only 4months old and already suffering. Have been told its hereditary. But there will always be the what if what if what if!!

Please please if you are pregnant and still smoking. STOP!!

I should have known better being an asthma sufferer because of My mum smoking in pregnancy. I just thought is be one of the 'lucky' one.

I'm sorry to hear your ds is poorly. Is he in hospital now?

It's very brave of you to post and I hope others read this as a warning. If it stops even one person doing it then you have done a brave helpful thing. What's wrong with your little boy op

I hope he gets better soon.

You can't help what you have done already but you can help him now. You can quit. Ask the nurses and the drs they will point you in the right direction. It will help him.


needacoffee Mon 08-Apr-13 12:39:23

Not sure how to start this - but stop feeling guilty, it's done now and you can either carry on feeling rotten about the situation or take those feelings and channel them into creating the best possible future for you and your ds. Time to stop beating yourself up for this, none of us are perfect and we all balls up to varying degrees. You won't be the last person to make a mistake during pregnancy. Please stop hating yourself, its pointless and won't change anything.

M0naLisa Mon 08-Apr-13 13:19:27

He has Bronchilitas. He is 4 months old and had been on nebuliser today at the dr. No he's home but has web given a Ventalin inhaler and spacer.

Yes I have stopped.

Twinklestarstwinklestars Mon 08-Apr-13 13:24:22

I smoked 20 a day when pregnant with ds1 and he was fine, stopped way before ds2 but he was really poorly and still suffers with his chest.

Of course people should give up but don't worry that its your fault.

There's been horrendous outbreaks of bronchiolitis past couple of years. Dd2 had it twice. It's Nasty and its scary and worse still there is nothing you can do about it. But he will get better. All you can do is focus on the future now and do what everyone else does which is our best. We ALL make mistakes and just have to learn from them. Please , there's no point in beating yourself up over this, it's always going to be a case of we will never know. Just look after Urself and your ds x

HungryClocksGoBackFourSeconds Mon 08-Apr-13 13:27:53

Nobody's perfect OP, don't waste energy hating yourself for something you can't change. You need to focus on your baby.

Hope he's on the mend soon

tiggytape Mon 08-Apr-13 13:39:56

We all make mistakes. Parenting is a whole lifetime's work and not many of us will get through it without doing something stupid or something we regret over the years.

And like so many things parents beat themselves up about - it isn't ideal but it also may just be bad luck. You will never know for definite if it was the direct cause. You are sorry, you have done all you can to put it right and you are channelling your energies into making him better and making sure you do the right things now - that's all you can do.

SnowHOHOboarder Mon 08-Apr-13 13:42:43

Just wanted to add, my DS1 has had reucurring bronchiolitis and also has inhalers & a spacer. He's suffered with breathing difficulties since he was born 2 years ago and we have made a few panicked midnight A&E dashes when he's been particularly bad.

I've never smoked in my life, I haven't even tried it.

Please don't blame yourself. At least you know it was wrong and wouldn't do it again.

BegoniaBampot Mon 08-Apr-13 13:43:15

hope your son is ok OP. you can't change the past but can control the future.

AnyFucker Mon 08-Apr-13 13:46:16

Bronchiolitis is epidemic in the months Nov-April

It is extremely contagious and yes, there are risk factors (parental smoking being only one of them) but love, don't beat yourself up

What's done is done, and you need to use that strength now to care for your boy in the best way you can x

AnyFucker Mon 08-Apr-13 13:47:43

just a minute

he has bronchiolitis ? Who told you it is hereditary ? It is bloody hell as like.

AnyFucker Mon 08-Apr-13 13:48:01

is it bloody hell as like

HotelFromage Mon 08-Apr-13 13:50:16

So, you've given up smoking, despite not being able to do so during pregnancy - that can't have been easy.

You've admitted on a public forum that your actions weren't ideal.

I'd say your DS has got a very brave mum. Good luck to you both.

Sorry, is there a parallel universe of MN out there somewhere??

I am shock.

AnyFucker Mon 08-Apr-13 13:52:47

Is there a point you were wanting to make, AB ?

BalloonSlayer Mon 08-Apr-13 13:53:34

My DS has had asthma from a very young age and I have never smoked!

Please don't beat yourself up. xx

Pancakeflipper Mon 08-Apr-13 13:54:00

Bronchiolitis is not hereditary. It can be a an area of weakness where parents are on red alert when their child has a cold checking it doesn't go back that way especially when their child is a baby.

My DS2 had a few days in hospital from this horrid illness when he was old. We don't smoke. It is not related.

It takes a while from them to bounce back from it.

If you are worried about asthma - I understand they don't do a proper diagnosis on that until about 4 yrs old ( but other wise MN's) will have info on that.

Loislane78 Mon 08-Apr-13 13:56:27

What anyfucker said - loads of babies get it/had it this year and its a VIRAL infection, I don't think you even get antibiotics for that.

Altinkum Mon 08-Apr-13 13:58:01

I've never smoked in my life and and my ds has acute asthma.

I'd like to know how the dr came to the conclusion that it is because its hereditary?

Are you or you're partner asthmatics, he may just have a nasty viral infection, most children will get this throughout their first ear.

Also just because he's been given a inhaler does NOT mean he has respiratory problems long term, a ventolin is just a small dose of steroid that helps the air ways open.

AnyFucker Mon 08-Apr-13 13:58:11

Bronchiolitis is related to parental smoking, sorry.

It is a risk factor...along with poor social circumstances, overcrowding, prematurity, other medical conditions, exposure to viruses eg. from a school aged sibling etc (probably not an exhaustive list)

Having said that, not one factor off that list is a cause in of itself.

Ionasky Mon 08-Apr-13 13:59:03

There isn't any point feeling bad now, at least you have given up, stick with that and focus on looking after him. the past cannot be changed. Self hatred just weakens you further. Fwiw, mum smoked through 4 pregnancies, none of us have asthma but she's very lucky. People do do this though, people do drink also when pg, some get away with it. Anyhow, time to move forward.

Loislane78 Mon 08-Apr-13 14:02:05
M0naLisa Mon 08-Apr-13 14:45:06

Sorry not Bronchilitus is hereditary. Asthma can be hereditary. Got my words mixed up in my OP!

I stopped for two weeks in pregnancy but eh got finished from work and the stress made me start again.

I started smoking after DS2 was born. It was my coping mechanism during PND

Although DS1 has Asthma and I didn't smoke during his pregnancy :-/

Thanks for not been hard on me.

M0naLisa Mon 08-Apr-13 14:46:02

Dh* got finished from work

macdoodle Mon 08-Apr-13 14:50:47

Smoking after babe is born is a big risk factor for bronchiolitis, well done for stopping, don't start again, now you see the consequences.

honeytea Mon 08-Apr-13 14:56:49

Don't give yourself a hard time, my ds had bronchilitus at 5 weeks old, I have never smoked and would avoid smoke to the extent of crossing the road.

I hope your dc is better soon, my ds got better so fast (hugs)

M0naLisa Mon 08-Apr-13 15:33:08

I'm hoping the nebuliser has worked or him. He's still wheezy and chesty so just hoping he gets better soon thanks

CheCazzo Mon 08-Apr-13 15:37:55

Don't be so hard on yourself - I'm sure you're not the first or last Mum who's done something a bit dumb before, during or after pregnancy. I know plenty of people with chesty conditions whose parents didn't smoke and didn't hang around with smokers. I didn't manage to give up totally whilst pregnant and my son has only recently become a bit asthmatic ( 22 )and this is totally in line with other family members who have developed this condition later on in life.
Hope your DS is soon fully better xx

DontSHOUTTTTTT Mon 08-Apr-13 15:46:41

You have to look forward. Make sure you are the best Mum from now on. smile

Smoking while pregnant is pretty crappy but what's done is done and there is no point fretting about it.

Hope your DS is OK

Lovelygoldboots Mon 08-Apr-13 16:07:28

Please don't do this to yourself. You are doing everything right. My ds is just the same and I don't smoke and neither does his dad. If you are keeping him smoke free then you are doing the best for him. I cursed myself for weaning him to soon, damp in our bedroom, I know how you feel. But my ds is 5 and is very rarely wheezy now. My heart goes out to you.

M0naLisa Mon 08-Apr-13 20:11:44

Thanks ladies means a lot.

TreeLuLa Mon 08-Apr-13 20:13:07

I agree with don't shout.

Look forward. You made bad choices when pregnant but can change now.

Hope DS is OK.

M0naLisa Mon 08-Apr-13 20:15:17

Thanks. I try my best now to be the best mum I can smile

havingamadmoment Mon 08-Apr-13 20:19:21

Just wanted to add in that 2 of my 5 have very odd chests - they both had repeated chest infections as babies in fact the 6 year old has damaged adult teeth (they grew discoloured) and we were told that this was as a result of the high amounts of antibiotics he had as a baby which were all for chest problems.
No one in our family has ever smoked and they are very rarely exposed to smoke.
While it wasnt ideal to smoke in pregnancy and of course it would have been better to stop the fact remains that you didnt and that you will never know if that contributed to any problems now. The most important thing is that you dont start smoking again and really look ahead from now on.

ShellyBoobs Mon 08-Apr-13 20:23:47

Beating yourself up about something in the past isn't going to help things.

I'm sure you're doing a great job as a mum, and you and he will get over this smile

SarahAndFuck Mon 08-Apr-13 20:53:31

Beating yourself up now isn't going to help any of you.

Please don't hate yourself or punish yourself. What's done is done and the doctors really aren't just saying asthma is hereditary just to make you feel better or worse.

You are doing all the right things now and can't turn back time no matter how much you might want to, and it might not change things even if you could, but your DS needs you to be gentle on yourself so you are in the best place to look after him.

M0naLisa Mon 08-Apr-13 21:09:05

Thanks. :-)

landofsoapandglory Mon 08-Apr-13 21:15:39

M0na Both my 2DSes had bronchiolitis, DS2 went on to become a severe asthmatic. I have never smoked and he was BF for a year. My mother is asthmatic, he inherited from her.

My DSis has 3 DC, she smoked through all 3 of her pregnancies. None of her DC have inherited asthma despite their father being asthmatic too.

It's just the luck of the draw!

I hope he is better soon, and well done for giving up. Here's a tip that I read from somewhere else. Put the money you would have spent on ciggies in a jar, or tin, and watch it mount up. In a month, 2 months, 6 months or whatever treat yourself and the kids!

M0naLisa Mon 08-Apr-13 21:19:27

:-) thanks will do that :-)
Now dh is working it will be easier to do that :-)

Molehillmountain Mon 08-Apr-13 21:23:13

You've given up smoking-that's amazing, well done! It's hugely addictive and who's to judge how hard it is for any individual - just knowing its bad for baby isn't always enough. Don't beat yourself up. Not only is it not warranted, it'll mess with your head and make you more likely to do the thing you really want to avoid which is starting again.
Fwiw, I think humility and admitting you've made mistakes, facing up to them and moving onwards and upwards are great qualities in a parent.

Well done for stopping. Hope your ds is better soon

Lucyellensmum95 Mon 08-Apr-13 21:29:14

Asthma is hereditary - which means it is passed on in your DNA, it will have made NO DIFFERENCE whatsover if you smoked during your pregnancy or not.

I say this as someone who is a fervant anti smoker - don't blame yourself for this please.

I hope your DS is feeling better soon.

JustGiveMeFiveMinutes Mon 08-Apr-13 21:30:06

My DM smoked while she was pregnant with me. I didn't develop asthma. Just learn from this and move on. I'm sure you're A great mum.

Lem he has bronchioitis. Smoking is a risk factor for most respiratory diseases.

Lucyellensmum95 Mon 08-Apr-13 21:31:24

Also, from your other thread it is blatantly obvious that you are a really concientious and loving mum, he is lucky to have you as his mum, really.

Lucyellensmum95 Mon 08-Apr-13 21:32:26

STB, he has this as a result of a viral infection, it is not something he has had since he was born. The OP does not smoke now

TheSecondComing Mon 08-Apr-13 21:32:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Exposure to smoke still increases risk. Not doing this to make the op feel guilty as she's done that to herself and think she's brilliant to have stopped. But there seem to be a lot of myths on this thread.

McNewPants2013 Mon 08-Apr-13 21:45:08

well done for giving up smoking.

CautionaryWhale Mon 08-Apr-13 21:53:02

Another one here with two DC who have had bronchiolitis.
They need watching in Winter but otherwise robust.
I am a non-smoker.

Yes there are links between asthma and smoking but asthma has also been linked to air pollution, antibiotics and c section. Your first son is asthmatic and you didn't smoke. Cut yourself some slack.

M0naLisa Mon 08-Apr-13 23:30:41

I know I really should.

I suffered PND after ds1 and kept quiet until ds2 was born. So I'm
More cautious and wanting to protect ds3 more because my other sons as babies didn't get half the attention I give them as I was in denial about having children. confused

I'm constantly going to check on him and make sure he's not too warm, not too cold, still breathing. If I hear him cough I'm straight up to him.
I did CC with other ds and I won't so it with ds3

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