To mention to my neighbour about her bed banging against the wall

(51 Posts)
cuteboots Mon 08-Apr-13 09:07:20

Ok so the loud music every night has now stopped and is being replaced by rampant shagging action. I find it really hard not to burst out laughing when I see her out in the garden and being honest last night I was so tempted to start shouting " come on son you can do it just hurry up and get it over and done with". Its probably made a bit worse by the fact that Im going though the sahara at the mo but the bed banging against the wall is just really annoying and combined with her wailing like some mad woman ! Any feedback / ideas would you ignore and just try not to laugh when you see her

HollyBerryBush Mon 08-Apr-13 09:09:01

How about "Have your tried bananas for your cramp? I heard you screaming last night and they are full of zinc"


middleeasternpromise Mon 08-Apr-13 09:16:04

wait till they are nodding off post coital then leap up on yr bed taking the position of a surf boarder, ensure liberal return bed banging with appropriate wailing. Ensure you go on 5 mins longer than her performance just to make your point.

cuteboots Mon 08-Apr-13 09:19:30

ha ha ha ! Im laughing so much I nearly spat my cup of tea out. Its just so funny as she doesnt look like a screamer! Its always the ones you least expect aye! ha ha ha

wonderingsoul Mon 08-Apr-13 09:23:02

i say do middlee's idea.. BUT at the same time... see if she has a competitive side wink

cozietoesie Mon 08-Apr-13 09:27:50

It should only last another couple of weeks - then it will be back to Saturday night after the pub.

I'd just ignore and try not to laugh for the short time you have to put up with it.


cuteboots Mon 08-Apr-13 09:29:36

I may give it a spin as as they reach that crucial moment I will shout "wipeout" in a very loud voice ! Thankfully I didnt see her this morning as I would have died laughing! ; 0 )

Shout scores after they're finished... Or in a childish mortal combat style shout "FINISH HER" near the end grin

Pregnantandhorny Mon 08-Apr-13 09:35:24

Best response I ever heard to this situation was a friend of mine who had a similar issue. We were round her place one night when next door started having really load sex. We tried to ignore it until the woman next door cried out "Oh yes, I'm going to cum" at which point my friend yelled out, "No, wait, please, I'm not quite there yet." Apparently they were much quieter after that! My friend wasn't in a position of having to talk to them over the garden fence though...

OrganixAddict Mon 08-Apr-13 09:38:50

My dsis & partner were woken one night by the sound of spanking being greatly enjoyed by the couple next door. It made them laugh like drains which obviously dampened the mood next door cos it stopped. The house also went on the market within a fortnight grin

Mawgatron Mon 08-Apr-13 10:05:03

We have this regularly- spanking, loud groaning, 'go on gel' in gruff cockney accent. It's great! All they ever hear from us is the odd barney...

MagratOfStolat Mon 08-Apr-13 10:53:16


thread of the day award

Loving PregnantAndHornys comment. I am DYING.

Cailinsalach Mon 08-Apr-13 10:54:49

My friend had neighbours a bit like this. They used to hear them every Saturday night, her favoured crie de guerre was "fuck me big boy, fuck me hard"
She suggested that they discreetly mention it to them but her DP said if a couple can't have a bit on a Saturday night in peace etc etc. Incidentally, their sex was preceded by loud banging of taxi cab doors, loud music for an hour or so, loud conversation and shrieking laughter then further loud banging of taxi cab doors as their guests left, then , er just loud banging....)
After 2 years my friends had a party and their neighbours promptly called the police to complain about the noise. My friend took great pleasure in informing her neighbour (very publically) all that they could hear every Saturday.
Funnily enough, their Saturdays were a lot quieter after that....

dondon33 Mon 08-Apr-13 11:39:54

I'd wait until they were finished - post coital ciggy/cuddle when all goes quite....get up close to the wall and start whooping and clapping shouting bravo, good job, well done.
Or I'd just confront her in a jokey way ' any chance you can have a bit of a swap around in your bedroom love, your headboard's a pain in the arse, thank you kindly'

cuteboots Mon 08-Apr-13 12:11:42

Im sure if I mentioned it she would be mortified or maybe not?. Its a bit odd though as its the first time Ive heard them getting Jiggy and maybe she has moved her bedroom around hence the headboard banging! I just wont be able to look her in the face without wanting to laugh and say " God did you leave your dog shut in the bedroom last night when you were out, He was really howling" HEE HEE HEE

slug Mon 08-Apr-13 12:20:42

I had neighbours who liked noisy sex. Unfortunately they both worked shifts so frequently it kicked off around 3am.

My favoured tactic was to start doing the vacuuming the minute the headboard started banging. It drowned them out and cleaned the place at the same time. When I got really annoyed, I would put on some particularly shouty opera and point the speakers at the wall.

Loulybelle Mon 08-Apr-13 12:27:31

Wait until the right moment they are climaxing and shout:


See how that goes down.

HenrySugar Mon 08-Apr-13 12:29:03

I have this with the couple in the flat next door. I swear my head is only a foot from them through the wall. Sometimes they do it at night and again in the morning shock! It's particularly awkward when DH is away and ds gets into bed with me then asks what the noise is. I've found that a well-timed "ahem" quietens them down for a bit.

BiscuitMillionaire Mon 08-Apr-13 12:40:14

Change your wifi network name to 'Wishthepeopleinnumberxwouldshagmorequietly'

quoteunquote Mon 08-Apr-13 12:41:03

Just choose a piece of music, (plenty of suitable tracks available)

And each and every time play it for the duration of their activity, once they realise they have a theme tune, they will be careful not to be heard.

So what theme tune would suit your neighbours?

cuteboots Mon 08-Apr-13 13:14:17

BiscuitMillionaire- There are a few I could list

1) I dont see nothing wrong with a little bump and grind (R Kelly)

2) I could make your bedrock (Lil Wayne)

3) I like em big I like em chunky (Madagascar 2")

MagratOfStolat Mon 08-Apr-13 16:00:01

I am dying at the thought of you playing "Big and Chunk" at them. Don a pair of shades and wiggle your hips and sing that every time they walk past for a week afterwards. Fucking marvellous!

Sunnywithshowers Mon 08-Apr-13 16:11:24

Queen - Don't Stop Me Now!

Wasp - Fuck Like a Beast

HoHoHoNoYouDont Mon 08-Apr-13 16:13:23

Brilliant thread grin

Play the Countdown clock tune through the wall and see if he can peak before the Ding

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Mon 08-Apr-13 16:52:00

A friend of mine had this with a house mate being a noisy fucker (so to speak) this girl must have known everyone could here her and her man at it. Really when she bellowed "ARE YOU WITH ME BABY ARE YOU?!" as she was coming it seemed only natural for everyone else to scream back "yes we are but we wish you'd piss off!" That girl moved out not long after.

My mum's old neighbours used to be noisy sods too. They terrified my then 2 year old DD one night she slept in the bedroom next to theirs. I take a little pleasure in the fact the toddler's crying and screaming that the monster shouting they were "coming" (ahem) seemed to put them off their stride for the rest of the night at least....

cuteboots Mon 08-Apr-13 17:05:38

HA HA HA ! laughing so loud everyone in the sales team looked at me !

JamieandtheMagicTorch Mon 08-Apr-13 17:13:08

Shout NOW WE KNOW! At the vinegar stroke|

KansasCityOctopus Mon 08-Apr-13 17:46:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

seriouscakeeater Mon 08-Apr-13 18:32:08

Ha ha ha shout " GO COMPAAAAARE" when they are about to climax !

kitbit Mon 08-Apr-13 18:34:45

Change your wifi name to 'Number 12 I can hear you shagging' so it pops up on their smartphones?

Loulybelle Mon 08-Apr-13 18:41:10

Oh perfect song to play

Tenacious D

Loulybelle Mon 08-Apr-13 18:43:02

This is a song for the ladies
But fellas listen closely
You don't always have to fuck her hard
In fact sometimes that's not right to do
Sometimes you've got to make some love
And fucking give her some smoochies too
Sometimes ya got to squeeze
Sometimes you've got to say please
Sometime you've got to say hey
I'm gonna Fuck you softly
I'm gonna screw you gently
I'm gonna hump you sweetly
I'm gonna ball you discreetly
And then you say hey I bought you flowers
And then you say wait a minute sally
I think I got somethin in my teeth
Could you get it out for me
That's fucking teamwork
What's your fave posish?
That's cool with me
It's not my favorite
But I'll do it for you
What's your favorite dish?
I'm not gonna cook it
But I'll order it from Zanzibar
And then I'm gonna love you completely
And then I'll fucking fuck you discreetly
And then I'll fucking bone you completely
But then I'm gonna fuck you hard

Owllady Mon 08-Apr-13 18:48:12

I had to live next door to a couple in their late 60s that were like this confused

it used to make me feel a bit queasy tbh

AwkwardSquad Mon 08-Apr-13 19:48:49

I suggest the Benny Hill theme tune, up loud grin

Earthworms Mon 08-Apr-13 19:58:26

seriouscake pmsl

I just yelped with laughter and woke the toddler

EuroShaggleton Mon 08-Apr-13 20:00:17

The wifi name suggestion is great. You could change it regularly:



digerd Mon 08-Apr-13 20:12:48

At least 60 year-olds usually have no DC living with them.

Surely they can't do that with DC living at home <mind boggles>

EnidRollins Mon 08-Apr-13 20:28:24

Lol at this thread, and seriously sympathise - our neighbour's got a new girlfriend and jeez, she's a screamer, and I can't help but want to laugh when I see her!
Seriously, though it's horrible and always about 3am at the weekends.
WTF do you say, I wouldn't know where to start! grin
Can't exactly shout something back through the walls as I have small people who'd wake up!

RatPants Mon 08-Apr-13 20:35:58

So glad my bedroom is on the other side of the house to the bit joining our neighbours'. grin

Monty Python- Every Sperm is Sacred, or Sit On My Face and Tell Me That You Love Me.

MidniteScribbler Tue 09-Apr-13 02:41:05

Get some of those big numbers they use at some sports events with the scores printed on them. Every morning hold one up for her to see. ;)

quoteunquote Tue 09-Apr-13 16:36:33

I'm just waiting for the day when someone starts a thread,

every time I have sex my neighbour play the tune ........ WWYD?

kinkyfuckery Tue 09-Apr-13 16:44:11

Just ask her to move her bed away from the wall slightly!

cuteboots Tue 09-Apr-13 17:22:35

HA HA HA ! Cant stop laughing at the feedback.

kinkyfuckery- I would have to try and ask her but not laugh my pants off at the same time. Not sure thats going to happen at the mo ; 0)

cuteboots Tue 09-Apr-13 17:31:00

quoteunquote- she doesnt look like a mumsnetter but the day that thread appears I will just die of hysterical laughter ; 0)

I love this thread grin

Can you play Never Gonne Give You Up every time they have sex? Double effect of a theme tune AND rick rolling them...

Or the Trollolol song that Butlins have nicked for their adverts?

domesticslattern Tue 09-Apr-13 18:04:46

A loud round of applause, cheers, whistles etc when he comes.
A large group of us once did this to a loud shagging couple in a hall of residence at uuniversity. Great fun.

LouiseSmith Tue 09-Apr-13 18:45:08

Polietly tell her that if you continue to her her screaming and the bed banging as if in a struggle you will assume she is being attacked and call 999. smile


Actually, I think the Countdown tune is best.

Except it might have to be repeated if they're having a really good time.

ChairmanWow Wed 10-Apr-13 08:06:03

grin biscuitmillionaire's wifi suggestion. Genius.

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