to be completely would up to the point I'm fuming over friends comments

(65 Posts)
parisfernandez Sun 07-Apr-13 17:38:49

I posted a post up on facebook earlier asking if anyone fancied a night out tonight because there is a good band on in my local pub. I have not had a night out since last October and i split up with my DP last month. I was thinking a nice night with friends would do me really good. My DD is away tonight staying at her aunties house. 3 of my 'friends' commented saying that I shouldn't be going out when I'm pregnant, that I should wait until I've had my baby so i can have a 'proper night out' and the other told me I shouldn't be going out anyway when I have a DD at home. Thus resulted in the three of them laughing to each other about my situation and arranging a night out between themselves which is obviously not going to include me. These 3 women only started drinking a few months ago. They used to go out to the pub and just drink juice, now they are telling me that I can't go out because I can't just drink juice all night and there is no way I can enjoy myself when I can't have a drink.

I'm so angry. I cried after reading the comments they really hurt. I've removed it from Facebook now incase anyone else joined in.

Am I being unreasonable? Do they have a valid point? Should I not be going out when I'm pregnant? Should mums not be allowed a night off? I work full time so it's not as If I'm using tax payers money to pay for my cans of coca cola in the pub so i dont understand why I should stay in every night by myself.

I'm so angry

Goodadvice1980 Sun 07-Apr-13 17:40:45

I'd be deleting their bitchy arses off facebook and going out!!

ihearsounds Sun 07-Apr-13 17:41:04

Delete them. Not worth it.

fluckered Sun 07-Apr-13 17:41:13

these are "friends" of yours??? they sound horrible! sorry you have to witness that but tbh that would be it for me.

Gruffalump Sun 07-Apr-13 17:42:24

These women are not your friends.

Very bizarre and upsetting behaviour. Rise above it and find someone else to enjoy yourself with.

Good luck!!

Gigondas Sun 07-Apr-13 17:44:28

Delete them- I missed the rule about not going our when pregnant or have kids or that you have to drink.

Bless your heart, of course you should be going out ffs. Agree with everyone that says these are not friends of yours, is there anyone else you can ask?

dandelionmoon Sun 07-Apr-13 17:45:32

How WEIRD (them, not you!) Not surprised you're upset. Poor you. Where are you? I'll go with you and I'll buy you a Coke grin

roofio87 Sun 07-Apr-13 17:46:00

definitely not real friends. I'm 14 weeks pregnant and enjoyed a great night out last night. totally sober but enjoyed the company of my friends and being out. going to the pub while pregnant is nothing and they had no idea your if your dd was home or not. ignore them,you need some better friends!!

OrangeFootedScrubfowl Sun 07-Apr-13 17:46:07

They're not very friendly for friends are they?! Arrange a night out with more notice with nicer people!

PenelopePortrait Sun 07-Apr-13 17:46:52

I think you may be being a bit sensitive OP. How you've read it and how they meant the comments are probably far apart in meaning. IYSWIM?

The written word doesn't translate feelings very well and we generally interpret things based on how we are feeling. On another day, if you we're feeling happier, you may have taken the comments totally differently.

They probably have no idea they have upset you. Try not to take fb comments to heart

LadyVoldemort Sun 07-Apr-13 17:47:59

Of course you can go out and have fun without alcohol! Plenty of soft drinks to choose from these days.

Your 'friends' sound very unsupportive sad

parisfernandez Sun 07-Apr-13 17:48:18

They have no kids at all so they don't understand. It's been months since I was out and to be honest I'm not even going to bother tonight because I'm not in the mood now.

I feel alone and everything I do I get criticised for. If I stay in all the time they say I have a shit life and go on about how amazing their life is without children because they can do whatever they want. If I want to go out they say no no you shouldn't be going out anywhere. What is the point I can't win. I've been friends with them since childhood and i just don't understand why they are like this.

StuntGirl Sun 07-Apr-13 17:49:26

goodadvice gives very good advice!

They arnt friends, delete off fb and go and enjoy yourself.

LadyVoldemort Sun 07-Apr-13 17:53:49

Have you spoken to any of them separately about how you feel? PenelopePortrait makes a good point.

caramelwaffle Sun 07-Apr-13 17:57:14

They are not real friends.

parisfernandez Sun 07-Apr-13 17:59:38

Ladyvoldemort I have sent them all individual texts explaining that their comments upset me and also explaining my reasons in full about why I wanted to go out tonight and how it's possible to go out and just drink juice. I also pointed out that for several years they slagged people off who went out and had a drink whilst they sat with a juice and went home by 9pm.

BegoniaBampot Sun 07-Apr-13 18:04:28

You have some very strange 'friends'. Are these the kind of people you want in your life?

DoJo Sun 07-Apr-13 18:05:01

Either a) they aren't actually your friends and genuinely hold these asinine beliefs or b) they were trying to make a poorly judged joke which has come across badly in print and hasn't been helped by their subsequent posts. I would probably be tempted to ask them whether they were joking as then you aren't flying off the handle but still demonstrating that it hasn't gone down well that they are commenting in this manner.

They are not worth it. I know it's bloody difficult to do it, but ditch them. More interesting and friendlier people will come along!

Greydog Sun 07-Apr-13 18:06:07

What a miserable bunch they are. Can't you go by yourself to see the band? If it's a local pub there will probably be someone you know there

nkf Sun 07-Apr-13 18:07:42

Friends? In what universe are such people friends? Dump and enjoy your night out.

foolserrand Sun 07-Apr-13 18:08:14

I'm also pregnant and fancy a night out. Love music too. Op, fuck em and take me! grin

Euphemia Sun 07-Apr-13 18:09:50

These people don't sound like friends. If they are, they'll be on the phone begging forgiveness and arranging to go out as you suggested. sad

Otherwise, have a shower, put on something nice and go anyway. You'll be glad you did, whereas at home you'll just sit and rage. smile

Maggie111 Sun 07-Apr-13 18:12:04

What cowbags angry

seriouscakeeater Sun 07-Apr-13 18:13:25

ah thats horrible flowers I personally would message them and say why you found those comments hurtful and was hoping for a bit of support at this bad time. Then delete them off if they don't apologise xxx

PenelopePortrait Sun 07-Apr-13 18:23:13

What was their response to your texts OP?

coughingbean Sun 07-Apr-13 18:36:00

And me, take me too!

Uppermid Sun 07-Apr-13 18:37:24

They are not friends. What bitches.

Just because you're pregnant and have a child does not mean you can't go out. You're still you, a person in your own right. You're not just a mother or a womb.

Good for you for telling them they upset you and unless the properly apologies, I wouldn't bother with them again

olivertheoctopus Sun 07-Apr-13 18:39:41

Delete them!! Who the fuck says you can't go out when you're pregnant?!! Esp if you have a babysitter. What absolute bitches. I hope you manage to find someone to go with and have a good time. Or go by yourself if it's your local?

stifnstav Sun 07-Apr-13 18:44:49

I was out having a night on the tiles four days before a planned c section. I would have belly-bounced anyone who dared to tell me I wasn't allowed out!

Are pregnant ladies supposed to remain indoors after dark? I didn't get that memo.

shellbu Sun 07-Apr-13 18:46:55

delete and block the bitches , hope you enjoy your night out with proper friends .

ImperialBlether Sun 07-Apr-13 18:54:13

They're not your friend, OP. This is one of the times where I think Facebook really is the work of the devil!

INeedThatForkOff Sun 07-Apr-13 18:57:13

Christ, how old are they? confused they sound about fourteen

sjupes Sun 07-Apr-13 19:01:12

What bitches op sad so you are pregnant, have a dc and a partner who left you and instead of giving you a microscopic amount of support they ridicule you and then make plans together on your page ?

Delete them and i hope your night gets better flowers

LovesBeingWokenEveryNight Sun 07-Apr-13 19:08:40

They are not friends

quoteunquote Sun 07-Apr-13 19:10:17

meanies, stop wasting any more of your energy on them.

TheCatIsUpTheDuff Sun 07-Apr-13 21:45:47

They are not friends and there's no reason you shouldn't go out when you're pregnant. I'm 11 weeks, and went to a party last night! And I've got tickets for a gig when I'll be about 20 weeks. There's plenty of fun to be had out there without drinking.

JessieMcJessie Tue 09-Apr-13 16:49:59

three of them all simultaneously started drinking three months ago after a life of abstinence? that's extremely weird, have they banded together to turn their backs on a common religion or something? religious influence would explain (though not excuse) their bizarre views on going out while pregnant and a mother's duty to look after her child 100% of the time. Delete and ignore from now on.

kinkyfuckery Tue 09-Apr-13 17:33:16

Hope you told them to fuck off before you deleted them.

Did you get replies to any of your texts?

MusicalEndorphins Tue 09-Apr-13 17:40:09

Obviously they missed the part about you wanting to see the entertainment, all they can think about is getting drunk.
They sound very rude. Are you still going to round someone up to go out?
I hope you do go and enjoy the band.

BegoniaBampot Tue 09-Apr-13 17:43:47

I was out in the pub with friends the day I was due. the guys beside me at the bar did look a bit nervous right enough.

Did you say anything to them OP?

thezebrawearspurple Tue 09-Apr-13 17:53:51

Defriend, block from phone and fb, ignore forever. What nasty and very weird people. Do you have anyone else to go out with?

elQuintoConyo Tue 09-Apr-13 18:00:39

I'm sad to say that some friendships just run their course. Did you post that they are childless can't be bothered to find previous post ? If so, obviously they have no idea of the Rights of Pregnant Women to Party.
I'd let the friendship just fizzle out.
Fwiw I had people telling me I couldn't possibly go get a haircut on my due date or go to a friend's Christmas brunch as I'd be a week overdue. Such simpler things! Turns out DS was 12 days late smile People can be wankers. Avoid.

elQuintoConyo Tue 09-Apr-13 18:02:44

Crap! Thanks was supposed to be flowers thanks

superstarheartbreaker Tue 09-Apr-13 18:23:53

Sounds like jealousy. Mabe they can't have kids? In any case they are twats and i would get rid.

Lavenderhoney Tue 09-Apr-13 18:36:58

I wouldn't bother to respond myself, just delete them off Facebook. Dont waste your energy on them. Of course you can have a night out! Many people go out without drinking even if not pregnant.

Can you call anyone else? Or just go to watch, you'll get a seatsmile and enjoy. I expect people will chat - I know I would if I was in a busy pub to see a band and prgnt lady was there. Take a magazine or something to pass the time til it starts or if its really busy just take a seat and enjoy being out.

You are better off on your own than with people like this. Loads of nice people about, make the space and time for them by losing these.

parisfernandez Wed 10-Apr-13 12:05:19

Thanks everyone. They did reply to my message but all they said was that they wouldn't do what I'm doing if they were stupid enough to ever get themselves into my situation. That just shows how immature they are and at 25 years old i expected more. Yes I'm young but i devote my life to my kids and I love it. I really enjoy being a parent and it was my choice. I have never ever claimed benefits or even council housing, I have always worked and i work hard for what I have so im not caught in a trap like a lot of young mothers are. They just don't seem to understand and I suppose they never will because they are far too selfish to have children. They aren't religious at all, in fact they ridicule people who go to church (like myself) and don't understand that either. I'll just let the friendship fizzle out. I'm sure they will need me before I need them.

BegoniaBampot Wed 10-Apr-13 12:29:58

they sound like idiots, why would you want to be friends with them.

KansasCityOctopus Wed 10-Apr-13 12:33:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

They sound like idiots.

One day they may think back and cringe at their horrible rudeness. Delete them and block them.

TigerSwallowtail Wed 10-Apr-13 12:46:17

confused OP I'm 25, am 34 weeks pregnant and had a babysitter for my son last weekend so went out and had a great night drinking juice all night. My friends and family that were out on the night out too all said they were pleased to see me and were glad I managed to get out and enjoy myself. Those women are not your friends - definitely delete!

Emilythornesbff Wed 10-Apr-13 13:07:50

Unfriendly them. Yucky ppl.

Pixieonthemoor Wed 10-Apr-13 13:18:50

So even after you texted them to explain that they had hurt you, they didnt apologise and said you were 'stupid' for getting yourself into your situation?? shock. They sound vile - really bitchy and selfish. I am so sorry that you had to discover how foul they are but thank goodness you can ditch them and move on. You sound fab, btw, and if you don't already, I am sure you will soon have tons of lovely and worthwhile friends.

Wannabestepfordwife Wed 10-Apr-13 13:28:32

Op they are not acting like friends and I'm another one saying delete!

I'm the same age as you and sometimes I do find it hard to relate to my friends of the same age who don't have children.

Are there any groups for expectant mums in your area so you can meet people in same position and you could have a group of friends for when baby arrives.

Btw I went to beer garden at 39 weeks(only drinking j20) so dp could have his last pre dc summer drinking session

Crinkle77 Wed 10-Apr-13 15:59:46

YANBU they sound like a gang of bitches and I would not bother with theem anymore. Why should you stay in cos you're pregnant and have another child at home?

SarahAndFuck Wed 10-Apr-13 16:03:05

What turned them from juice drinkers with a watershed to rabid alcohol pushers with tight judgy pants?

LoveWine Wed 10-Apr-13 16:37:07

These "friends" are complete bitches. I would delete them and not bother. Definitely have a night out, but select proper friends to join you.


JamieandtheMagicTorch Wed 10-Apr-13 16:47:17

You poor thing. They are, as everyone has said, extremely immature.

DeepRedBetty Wed 10-Apr-13 16:56:32

I'm mystified how they came to be 'friends' of yours in the first place paris!

GeekLove Wed 10-Apr-13 18:18:17

They send like a bunch of arses. Go out and have a stunning time! I went to Sonisphere and InFest while pregnant. If you HAVE to drink its probably not a good night!

Pixel Wed 10-Apr-13 18:47:30

Blimey, I was sitting on a bar stool a few hours before my waters broke. Or trying to, but for some reason my back was hurting and I couldn't get comfy...
I had a perfectly nice evening visiting friends (it was their pub) without the need to drink alcohol, though it could have been the gallon or so of orange juice that set me off grin.
Luckily most sensible, mature, non-bitchy people realise that women don't need to become hermits just because they are pregnant!

Uppermid Thu 11-Apr-13 20:07:41

Leave the bitches!

fatlotofgood Thu 11-Apr-13 20:54:22

They aren't worth worry your head over. Ditch them.

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