swayed for a girl =diet,timing,ph levels,and got another boy.

(221 Posts)
racheael76 Sat 06-Apr-13 19:32:39

hi i really wanted a daughter this time as we already have 2 sons.i did the dairy diet,milk no salt limited chicken drank evian water ,took calcuim and magnesuim tablets,douche with massengill vinegar(cost a fortune form overseas!) plotted ovulation conceived 5 days before ovulation.i did every thing i know for a liitle girl.so many people have a daughter and a son.did anyone sway and got the sex they wanted?did anyone sway and got wrong gender?what did i do wrong?


GraceSpeaker Sat 06-Apr-13 19:36:03

What scientific evidence is there that any of this can help you determine the sex of your child?

I hope you never tell your little boy that you 'got it wrong'.

juniper9 Sat 06-Apr-13 19:36:34

What you did wrong was to listen to stupid tales about how to determine gender.

BlackholesAndRevelations Sat 06-Apr-13 19:36:36

You must be joking. You are, right? Consider yourself lucky you had your third presumably healthy boy. angry

CockyFox Sat 06-Apr-13 19:36:57

You didn't do anything wrong, you just can't choose and I've read the same advice to get a boy and girl depending where you read it. You het what you get and love them just the same.

BlackholesAndRevelations Sat 06-Apr-13 19:37:19

Oh and angry again.

IdaClair Sat 06-Apr-13 19:37:39

I am happy that you have three healthy sons, congratulations. It is the father and chance that determines the sex of a child. It is upbringing, society and personality that determines the gender of a child. I don't think you did anything wrong, but I hope you are happy with your houseful of genders in the end.

ItsAllTLAsToMe Sat 06-Apr-13 19:37:44

Is there actually any scientific basis for those things? Surely the sex of the foetus is determined by whether the first sperm to reach the egg has an X or a Y chromosome?

AuntFini Sat 06-Apr-13 19:37:52


BabyMakesTheBellyGoRound Sat 06-Apr-13 19:38:18


Wishfulmakeupping Sat 06-Apr-13 19:38:20

Have my first ever biscuit

Iamsparklyknickers Sat 06-Apr-13 19:39:35

"What did I do wrong?"

Thought you could biologically influence your childs sex at conception with vinegar and plotting your ovulation into Excel like some technological vodoo shaman.

Besides it's the sperm that decides the sex, you don't have a Y chromosome to pass on.

Congratulations on your baby/pregnancy by the way.

BabyMakesTheBellyGoRound Sat 06-Apr-13 19:39:49

I hope you wrote a strongly worded letter of complaint to the vinegar company.

racheael76 Sat 06-Apr-13 19:40:07

i do love my sons so so much and would never be without them.my little boy is georgeous so glad i have him but want a girl soooooooooo much .any tips for next time?

Eebahgum Sat 06-Apr-13 19:40:09

I really hope that this is a joke. What you did wrong was decide to get pregnant again when you clearly only had a 50% chance of being happy with the outcome.

AuntFini Sat 06-Apr-13 19:40:15

Ooops, pressed post too soon. Not laughing at your disappointment, sometimes women feel this way and it's not really wrong to want a particular gender, as long as your little boy never knows; but you were very, erm, naive to waste your time and money on this! Congratulations on your son.

TiredFeet Sat 06-Apr-13 19:40:28

Boys are awesome! I wouldn't swap my son for all the girls in england.
If you are actually serious, go read some threads where people are desperate to conceive but can't, etc etc and realise how lucky you are

After my 2 boys, I did the trying to conceive early in the cycle thing, but knew in my heart of hearts that I was more likely to have a boy. With the same couple after 2 of the same sex the chances of another baby of the same sex is 70:30. So I tried to get pregnant knowing I would love my baby whatever the sex, even if I had a slight preference for a girl. My DS3 is gorgeous, now 10 yo and I love having 3 boys. You really do just love what you get. smile

CoteDAzur Sat 06-Apr-13 19:42:45

I don't know anything about diet (Evian? hmm) but "dates" method worked for us - DD was conceived 5 days before ovulation and DS was conceived on the date of ovulation.

All this increases the chances of having a certain sex, though. It doesn't mean that the child you conceived 5 days before ovulation has to be a girl.

CockyFox Sat 06-Apr-13 19:43:48

There are no tips OP, it is something we can't control.

Euphemia Sat 06-Apr-13 19:44:31


tilder Sat 06-Apr-13 19:44:33

Maybe you will get lucky and have twin boys next time.

Congratulations in your family.


The sex of the baby is determined by sperm

You should go abroad for gender selection ivf for future offspring, to guarantee the gender you require.

BarredfromhavingStella Sat 06-Apr-13 19:44:51

hmm what utter bollocks angry

Like has already been said, why don't you visit the ttc area then stfu as you are lucky enough to have 3 children

Have another angry as your silly post has pissed me right off.

AvrilPoisson Sat 06-Apr-13 19:44:58

Honestly? Be thankful for what you have!

BonaDrag Sat 06-Apr-13 19:45:06

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

littlepeas Sat 06-Apr-13 19:45:53

I have 2 boys and a girl - the girl is in the middle - I did nothing special or different. It is absolutely down to chance. Get over it and enjoy your sons. If you have gender disappointment I suggest you try a forum dedicated specifically to that, posting here is likely to upset people.

CajaDeLaMemoria Sat 06-Apr-13 19:46:34

The only chance you have to influence the gender of your child is to go to the US, and pay the circa £30k to have only female embryos implanted. (Note: this process is illegal in England.)

There is no other way to choose. Even if you go through with the above, you may find that you can't have a girl. There are families with 10 children who are all boys, or all girls. You can't choose.

I'd recommend finding a therapist to talk too about your longing for a little girl. It'll really help. Before you try for another child, you need to be completely happy to have either gender, and accept that you may well have another boy. I believe your chances increase with every child you have, so you may have a 70% chance of a male after 3 boys, and a 30% chance of having a girl.

There are no sex positions, no eating habits, no vinegar mixes, nothing that will change the gender of your baby. You need a Y chromosome, and if there isn't one, you won't get a girl. There's nothing that you can do naturally to change this.

Ogooglebar Sat 06-Apr-13 19:46:41

confused I hope your sons pay attention in science class OP because they're certainly not going to learn it from you.

OHforDUCKScake Sat 06-Apr-13 19:47:00

Is it even possible to conceive 5 days before ovulation?


TheAccidentalEgghibitionist Sat 06-Apr-13 19:47:40

Some people hmm

lunar1 Sat 06-Apr-13 19:48:24

Will you keep having children till you get a girl?

Irishmammybread Sat 06-Apr-13 19:50:11

Having had three miscarriages last year I find it incredible you could be disappointed and feel that there is anything "wrong" with having a healthy baby of a particular sex. I would give anything to have had my little ones make it to term regardless of gender.

RVPisnomore Sat 06-Apr-13 19:50:35

What is it with the obsession with having a girl?

Ogooglebar Sat 06-Apr-13 19:52:03

I doubt the OP is even bothering to read our replies properly if she's for real

Eebahgum Sat 06-Apr-13 19:52:44

Here's a tip - enjoy the children you have and stop playing a weird gambling game with future children. Only get pregnant if you want another CHILD - regardless of gender.

There is not much in life that annoys me, but this attitude is crap.

Be thankful for your sons and be happy with your pregnancy.

Euphemia Sat 06-Apr-13 19:54:07

Breaks my heart for the people I know who haven't been able to have children. sad

Booyhoo Sat 06-Apr-13 19:55:03

"did anyone sway and got wrong gender?"

your poor child. i hope you never tell him he is the wrong gender!

also. how can you conceive before you ovulate?

if you want to guarantee the sex of your child- adopt.

Fairylea Sat 06-Apr-13 19:55:27

What a load of nonsense.

If it was that simple half the women who have abortions due to gender (which makes me so so sad) would just have to follow your silly rules for making a girl!

As if it was that simple!

golemmings Sat 06-Apr-13 19:56:08

You could adopt. There are lots of girls in care who would like a permanent home.

TheBigJessie Sat 06-Apr-13 19:56:09


Is it even possible to conceive 5 days before ovulation?

No, but this idea is actually science-based, unlike many others. The maximum length of time sperm can survive is five days, and X-sperm tend to live longer than Y-sperm. So, if you shag five days before you ovulate, the number of X-sperm still alive will outnumber the X-sperm. If you conceive at all, it's more likely to be a female foetus.

Booyhoo Sat 06-Apr-13 19:56:58

and it's another name+number name. surprise surprise.

where have you all come from?

Sleepybunny Sat 06-Apr-13 19:58:08

Don't feed the trolls

selsigfach Sat 06-Apr-13 19:58:40

Why did I open this when I knew it would make me want to hit the OP something?

TheBigJessie Sat 06-Apr-13 19:59:01

When I encounter people desperate for a girl, they always seem to have very rigid ideas about femininity, I'm not sure what terrifies me more: the idea they'll get a boy, or the idea they'll get a girl!

SybilRamkin Sat 06-Apr-13 19:59:21


Ogooglebar Sat 06-Apr-13 19:59:37

Doubly suspicious IMO Boo as Rachael/Rachel is spelled v oddly...

Ginformation Sat 06-Apr-13 20:00:43

Oh, OP you have been doing it all wrong. Your dp clearly doesn't have any girl sperms, you should find someone else to shag.


I know this is always an emotive topic and always, always, always someone will say the OP should just be grateful for having a child at all.

Why should the OP not be allowed to want one particular gender of child, there can be genuine reasons for thinking they would love to parent one gender of child and have a lot to give them.
The 'you should be grateful' lot, yes of course we should all appreciate our ability to have children but there is ALWAYS going to be someone worse off than ourselves, it doesn't make the OPs feelings any less real or valid.

OP I think charting your cycle and ttc as early as possible was the best chance you had - the other stuff just sounds a bit bonkers. I think the best advice you've had on here is from Caja saying you should see a therapist before you start ttc. No child should be a disappointment before they are even born. Good luck to you.

Booyhoo Sat 06-Apr-13 20:04:47

ogooglebar there have been so many of these type of threads clearly started to piss people off over the past few days, all started by jenny145 or laura533 (examples-not real usernames).

Ogooglebar Sat 06-Apr-13 20:05:56

Wanting a particular sex or gender assumes that you have some rather rigid expectations of what your child is going to be like and how they ought to behave...

flippinada Sat 06-Apr-13 20:06:43

Um..was there not a dodgy post a couple of weeks back from someone about a similar issue that got pulled? Someone else disappointed about having a son?

Oh ffs if this is troll... hmm

SkinnybitchWannabe Sat 06-Apr-13 20:08:02

The nan determines the gender so get another man I guess is the only answer I can give you!
As a mother of 3ds I can understand you wanting a girl, if I had the money I'd be off to America to a fertility clinic so I could have a girl.
That doesn't mean I don't love my beautiful sons btw

SkinnybitchWannabe Sat 06-Apr-13 20:08:24

man not nan!!

Ogooglebar Sat 06-Apr-13 20:09:26

Bahaha at the nan determining the gender skinny grin

flippinada Sat 06-Apr-13 20:09:34

It's just that one pulled a lot of people in and this has a similar feel to it.

If that's not the case then I apologise to the OP.

sunshine401 Sat 06-Apr-13 20:12:18

My First born was a girl ..... grin biscuit

To get a girl your partner needs to boost his X chromosome sperm. He can do this by wearing your pants, only eating meat from female animals and bathing in this extremely expensive vinegar that you can buy direct from asda me.

Alternatively celebrate your good fortune in three healthy little boys.

Ogooglebar Sat 06-Apr-13 20:15:16

Maybe numbers in names should be banned.

racheael76 Sat 06-Apr-13 20:18:54

thank you for your replies i do feel awful butsoooo grateful for my three sons i love them to bits i just want a girl to compltele my family .i just feel a bit down sometimes as i have a good mother daughter relationship with my mum which i mayl never have.just looking for support but you have made me feel my boys are so precious and its no big deal i dont have a girl as i feel i am left out i am from a huge family of girls and my friends have girls.all i did was play with my girl doll when i was younger dreaming about my future .thank you for making me feel better.xxxx enjoy the weekend.x

SirBoobAlot Sat 06-Apr-13 20:20:40

And what exactly is it about a girl that you so desperately want, OP?

I never understand this.

Children are individual human beings. Is it the pink, fluffy things, sewing and hair clips that make you go all gooey? Well, you'd have a field day with my DS. If football, mud, dinosaurs and Thomas are your thing, then you'd adore my friend's DD.

I hate when babies are reduced down purely to their genitalia.

I hope that you don't do this fucking ridiculous "keep having babies until I get one I like" thing. And hope even more that you never tell your sons how you feel.

Poor little boys.

racheael76 Sat 06-Apr-13 20:20:46

dear ogooglebar very sorry my name is spelt like this the most popular spellings were already taken.x

Ogooglebar Sat 06-Apr-13 20:22:37

Oh, ok then. I'm glad you feel better anyway. With three children of any sex I don't think anyone could say your family is incomplete!

racheael76 Sat 06-Apr-13 20:25:35

i would never tell my sons and they are all loved greatly.i always wanted four children although i just thought id have a mixture but was wrong.ps me and husband work hard to ensure they go to their hobbies football ,rugby so four would be the limit as we could afford no more.a little bored when husband takes boys to watch football and my friends are shopping with daughters .my be next time i can go to ballet!

quoteunquote Sat 06-Apr-13 20:33:03

Get an older vegan husband, increase your chance of a daughter.

It's all down to the sperm,

So get on the guardian's soul mates, or move to southern India and get shagging.

Booyhoo Sat 06-Apr-13 20:44:35

boys can go shopping, girls can watch football.

i think you are bing a bit immature saying your only played with your girl doll and dreamed of your future. you were a little girl then. you are an adult now, you really should have realised by now that childhood dreams, whilst lovely, are very idealistic and rarely pan out exactly as you dreamed them. thsi is part of being an adult,

you could have four rugby playing girls and still have no-one to go shopping with. there are no guarantees.

make the most of your children, if shopping is what you want to do with them then go. i have two boys who love shopping, one loves getting his nails painted and the other is starting to get very into his hair and picky about his clothes. they both also love getting mucked to the eyeballs in the garden and i know 100% that if i had a girl she would be right there in the middle of it with them.

SinkyMalinks Sat 06-Apr-13 20:45:06


I'm a girl. I play rugby and would rather poke my eyes out than go on a saturday shopping expedition.

But feel free to crack on with the gender stereotyping eh?

Booyhoo Sat 06-Apr-13 20:45:36

and take your boys to the ballet! why on earth wouldn't you? confused

Boooyhoo - I can't think of any boys I know who would, in honesty, want to go to the ballet.

BarredfromhavingStella Sat 06-Apr-13 20:52:14

Fuck me, stereotyping much? I'm a girl, love rugby players , adore cars & the ballet is one of my favourite things in the world.

A child is an individual & should be treated as such, saying your family is incomplete without a girl is frankly pathetic-you need to get a fucking grip.

Booyhoo Sat 06-Apr-13 20:55:17

that's quite alright daffodil. i wasn't saying you should take any boys to the ballet.

mine would go. my eldest wants to be a gymnast- but the course at the local leisure centre wont enroll him because he's a boy and boys have to be taught differently hmm

TheBigJessie Sat 06-Apr-13 20:55:36

To be honest, you're better off investing in ballet lessons for boys than girls. The competition for girls to get into the Royal Ballet School is fierce. Less boys apply though. And all of the famous ballets have parts for men, don't they?

tis bollocks

beals692 Sat 06-Apr-13 20:59:11

"a little bored when husband takes boys to watch football and my friends are shopping with daughters .my be next time i can go to ballet!"

...and of course all women love ballet and shopping so you just have to make sure your child comes out the right sex and you know she'll share your interests and be your ideal little girly friend?

My mother had similar expectations and when I wasn't interested in clothes shopping etc declared me a 'disappointment' and 'not what she'd intended'...

The only thing getting a baby of the desired sex guarantees is what you'll see when you change their nappy.

rocketeer Sat 06-Apr-13 20:59:11

Stereotyping much OP? You seem to have a warped view about what girls and boys do. Why don't you just count yourself lucky that you are having a HEALTHY baby ffs.

BenjaminButton172 Sat 06-Apr-13 21:06:46

Hey i am a name+number.

<goes to check that i dont live under a bridge>

Neither of my brothers like rugby or football. I am the only girl in my family who likes going clothes shopping.

OP what would u do if you had a dd and they hated all things 'girly'?

Bakingtins Sat 06-Apr-13 21:08:56

Have a biscuit. I have 2 boys and 3 miscarriages later I'd be delighted with a third baby of either sex.
You must have known all that "girl diet" stuff was bollocks.

NeedlesCuties Sat 06-Apr-13 21:09:22

My DD is the first female in my DH's side of the family for +60 years. I was surprised when she came long, had just assumed I'd have another boy.

But... I wasn't in the least bit worried about what sex my baby would be, I just wanted a baby, good health and a happy family.

Did I piss about with my diet, douche, take pills etc? No. I was sensible and just let God/Mother Nature work it out.

You could have 10 more babies and still never "get it right".

Phantomteadrinker Sat 06-Apr-13 21:10:01

Never mind, just keep trying, law of averages you'll get a girl at some point

CoteDAzur Sat 06-Apr-13 21:11:47

What do averages have to do with it? confused

Phantomteadrinker Sat 06-Apr-13 21:12:27

Should have added a hmm to express my 'urggggh' at this ridiculous post

MDA Sat 06-Apr-13 21:13:17

Its so un PC these days to god forbid, admit that you want a certain sex of child.

With my first I didn't have terribly strong feelings, I had a boy, I was happy. That means when my 2nd came along I wanted a girl. I didn't do any tricks to try and get one. I didn't mention it as such. But I did want one of each at some point (like my own family had, its sometimes what is normal to you what feels complete) and I got exactly what my mum got - a boy then a girl, about 2 years apart.

I would not have been bothered or shed buckets or necessarily even had a 3rd if I hadn't had my "girl". But I can totally, utterly understand the preference, and was mega happy when I heard I was expecting a girl.

Nothing wrong with it, and nothing wrong with admitting it.

You wont get any joy on here though - ask Posh Spice grin

Isn't it the sperm that decides the sex?

EuroShaggleton Sat 06-Apr-13 21:15:25

My recommendation to you, OP?

Spend a few minutes looking around the Conception, Infertility and Miscarriage boards. Count yourself very lucky indeed. Enjoy life with you healthy boys.

soverylucky Sat 06-Apr-13 21:17:24

I can understand how you might think you want one sex over another but really you have to accept what you are given.

any tips for next time?

Urm....get your husband to jizz in a bucket, sieve out all the boy sperms and throw them away. Keep the girl ones and use them.

Having a gender preference is a real thing unrelated to fertility problems or otherwise.

OP, anyone who told you that these methods would increase your chances of having a girl by more than about 2% was having you on. Anyone who failed to tell you that trying these methods would make it less likely that you would conceive at all (eg by avoiding sex on fertile days, or messing with the delicate pH balance of your vagina) was having you on. As simple as that.

You should categorically not try for a fourth if you are only trying for a girl. After three boys for some reason your odds are worse than 50/50. Fuck knows why. Statistics describe trends, not explain them. I know a family who were blessed with twin sons when they tried for a girl to complement their three sons. It happens often.

For what it's worth I'd quite fancy a girl after my two boys. I got the "right" ie preferred sex both times by shagging on ovulation day. So I had this idea that by avoiding ovulation day I'd better my chances of conceiving a girl.

What happened? Twelve long months without a BFP (before that I had spent a total of five months conceiving three times so a year felt like forever). And then a BFP that turned into mc.

So I chilled out and realised I wanted a third child more than I wanted a girl. Although I'd still like a girl in my family, a boy wouldn't feel "wrong" either. So we had sex all over my possible fertile days and here I am, upduffed first cycle. Watch this space, as they say.

LayMizzRarb Sat 06-Apr-13 21:22:15

It's a baby not a bloody handbag.

5eggstremelychocaletymadeggs Sat 06-Apr-13 21:22:16

Just be thankful you have been able to conceive easily and had healthy pregnancies and babies.

And please only have another if you would be truly happy with a fourth son.

We wanted four, our first four were boys and they are fabulous, no five was a bit of a bonus baby and was a girl which was a shock as I/we assumed we just 'did boys'. She is a delight as are her brothers but we didn't do anything different (and I have had complete strangers and friends ask me if we did!)

The only difference time is there is much more choice for girls clothes but my dd still also wears her brothers hand me downs and her current favorite toy is dinosaurs.

I think a lot of the gender differences in children are sociallly constructed tbh.

5eggstremelychocaletymadeggs Sat 06-Apr-13 21:24:14

BTW I donated eggs last year and the fertility specialist I saw was very surprised we had a girl after four boys, he said statistically we were much more likely to have had another boy.

I have two miscarriages as well and always wondered if I maybe miscarried girls?

notnagging Sat 06-Apr-13 21:25:16

I have 5 boys and constantly get asked If I was trying for a girl. My boys are great but I do wonder what having a girl would've been like. Op, you have got some slack but at least your talking about it & you don't sound resentful to me. My dh would love to have a girl but hey, not going to happen unless we adopt. Enjoy having boys op & don't think you/they can't do things. My boys are great shoppers! smile

notnagging Sat 06-Apr-13 21:28:21

5 eggs, I think the constant questioning from strangers is annoying & does make you wonder 'what if'. I have been told so many tips over the years that have obviously made no difference! : )

PipsWife Sat 06-Apr-13 21:31:34

I have a beautiful DD. I have also had 2 MCs and an ectopic.

I agree with a previous post go to the TTC thread and read a few threads and thank your lucky stars you have had 3 healthy babies.

5eggstremelychocaletymadeggs Sat 06-Apr-13 21:34:49

The questioning is annoying and the assumption that we 'kept going to get a girl' when we did nothing of the sort!

Dd is now 27mths and I still get comments about how fabulous it is I 'finally' got a girl etc often said infron of my boys as well!! Other people make it into a big issue whereas we didn't care! Just grateful I was lucky and got pregnant easily, had easy labours etc. Hence why I donated eggsto pass on the 'luck'.

FriggFRIGG Sat 06-Apr-13 21:52:34


No...it can't be....

None of that stuff you did has any basis in truth you know,the only way to 'sway the odds' is to go abroad for gender selective ivf.
Even then it's not certain.

And you are being ridiculous anyway,
what if you had a girl and she only wanted to wear jeans and play football?hated dresses and shopping and fairy princess pink crap?
How would you feel then?

CockyFox Sat 06-Apr-13 22:08:09

For the record, my beautiful little girl I always dressed in dresses and frilly knickers enjoys kickboxing training and does't go anywhere without her favourite toy - an action figure of The Hulk.
Not having a willy hasn't stopped her being the most male of my children.

olivertheoctopus Sat 06-Apr-13 22:12:36

Dear god. I'm pregnant with DS3 and couldn't be happier. Get a grip.

williaminajetfighter Sat 06-Apr-13 23:42:36

God people on this thread are downright mean. It's common and probably natural to want to have children of both sex and some women do really want daughters. I did - after growing up with 4 brothers I did secretly want a girl.

Sadly there are lots of websites with bad information about 'gender selection' and obviously the OP was misinformed but people should calm down!!!

racheael76 Sat 06-Apr-13 23:57:03

dear cockyfox if i had a girl i wouldnt mind if she wanted to do kick boxing and her favourite toy was hulk because as long as she was happy i would be.i hear at groups so many girls bad mouthing their mil and surrounded with great mother daughter relationships.i love my sons 100% but know when they have a wife i have to let go.if they divorce will i see my grandchildren if the wife takes them?
my husband takes older boys to watch football i stay at home while friends go out with their daughters shopping /girlie afternoons.i feel alone .i do love my boys so much and would never be without them or tell them i wanted a daughter.

I did the sex at the day of ovulation when I was trying to concieve PFB The theory is if you you let the fast male sperm get there when the ovum just starts it's journey then you'll have a boy.

No idea about the food, acid/alkali.
Statistically I'm more likely to have a DD.

DC1 was a boy, DC2 was a girl.

So I can't say it's all cobblers...

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn Sun 07-Apr-13 00:07:26

Sorry, but I'm going to get a bit loud now:


There are plenty of us who would happily chop off a limb/sell a kidney to be able to have one, sod the bloody sex angry

I dearly hope that your son never discovers what a disappointment he was for you hmm

MsVestibule Sun 07-Apr-13 00:17:31

As an aside, although of course it's the man's X or Y chromosome that determines the sex of the baby, I read a report recently that said it's possible that some women's eggs are more receptive to a particular type, e.g. the eggs of a woman who has five girls may be less receptive to the man's Y chromosome.

Happy for a geneticist to tell me I'm talking bollocks grin.

reneaa2 Sun 07-Apr-13 00:37:18

I think it is natural to feel that was op, but it seems you were destined to have 3 sons.

I have one son and I do hope that he will choose to be happily single as an adult so I don't have to deal with the mil issues but I will still support him if he does choose to be in a relationship I just think it might be better for our relationship if he remained single.

TWinklyLittleStar Sun 07-Apr-13 00:42:01

Are you seriously saying you want a daughter for.someone to go shopping with and because you won't get on with a daughter in law who will steal your son away? You do realise any daughter you did have could easily not get on with you, or not have children, or move abroad, or one of a million other things that wouldn't live up to this little daydream of yours?

Seriously stop to appreciate how fucking lucky you are. And if you don't let on to the sons you're so lucky to have that you wish they had fannys instead, they might just maintain a relationship with you in later life, despite what their evil wives might do.

TWinklyLittleStar Sun 07-Apr-13 00:43:56

Oh fwiw I get on great with my MIL and I see her more than my own mum because of where we live.

LooseyMy Sun 07-Apr-13 00:45:32

I'm an lp to my son and we are extremely close, I have no desire for a daughter. What a load of rubbish that you need to be able to do "girly" things like shopping to be close to your kids. Take an interest in what they do,music, sports, cinema, reading, computers are non gender specific.

RatPants Sun 07-Apr-13 00:50:06

Early cycle, salty foods and doggie style begets boys in my experience. grin

Seriously, you can't influence these things. Be happy you have another healthy child.

Bartlebee Sun 07-Apr-13 00:58:22

Good Lord.

McNewPants2013 Sun 07-Apr-13 01:06:31

I have a son and a daughter, my son loves out little shopping trips but dd hates shopping.

I suggest you really think about your reasons for having another child before ttc because the emotional damage you can do to a child for being born a boy instead of a girl can be very damaging.

Bobyan Sun 07-Apr-13 01:23:30

I hope you have the daughter-in-laws from hell, because frankly you deserve them.

MidniteScribbler Sun 07-Apr-13 01:24:20

You dreamed about having a girl?

I dreamed of being a princess, a rock star and an astronaut.

The difference between us is that I grew up.

5eggstremelychocaletymadeggs Sun 07-Apr-13 01:28:17

reneea2 you would really want your son to stay single so you dont have to be a mil and because you think it would be better for your relationship with him?? Ffs!!

ElaineVintage Sun 07-Apr-13 01:35:17

Bobyan Was that really needed?

Will you all please stop bullying this woman!

Bobyan Sun 07-Apr-13 01:45:39

Yes Elaine it was.
There are thousands if people who have trouble conceiving, they really don't need some vacuous crap about girls being "soooooo" cute and how the OP's main reason for wanting a daughter is because she is worried about who her sons might marry.

Op I have a son and 3 daughters, I did worry, moreso when the girls came along, about keeping my bond with my son so instead of doing the 'easy' thing and letting dh take him out and do things I started taking an interest in his hobbies, I take him to his running club, I teach him how to draw, and the hours I have spent watching and learning about WWE is ridiculous, but now thats our bonding time. I'm not worried about my future DIL 'taking him away from me' because I know the time and effort I put in to raising him to be a decent, kind, polite and confident young man who makes good choices will pay off.

Maybe you should spend more time bonding with your sons and learning about their interests instead of trying for another child to try and fit in with yours.

I won't flame you because I really don't understand the whole gender disappointment thing, but even if you do have a girl next time you will still have 4 children who love and need you, it sounds to me like you will be concentrating more on the girl and the boys will be sidelined.

Oh and I have 2 brothers who adore my mother and lived with her well into their 30s, I left home at 16 and haven't spoken to her in years so your cosy little scenario about having a great relationship based on gender may not happen at all.

Dear God. Yes, get yourself to the TTC boards and realise just how ungrateful you sound.

EugenesAxe Sun 07-Apr-13 05:19:46

I don't think you deserve the flaming you are getting either; many women feel like this 'in an ideal world' sort of way.

To answer, yes I did attempt to sway vaguely for number two; we did get a girl and I used the sex a few days before ovulation method. I understand that's really the only one (natural conception) with some scientific logic behind in terms of boosting your chances for a girl.

I know you'll love all your boys hugely; FWIW I know at least two women who are closer to their MILs than their DMs.

GreyWhites Sun 07-Apr-13 05:49:27

If you feel you are lonely and bored without a girl to go shopping with, maybe you need to find yourself a new hobby or interests? You sound like someone who feels they ought to always get what they want in life, which overall is a worrying attitude when you're a parent.

And yes I've got one boy and have been trying for a year and a half for another baby. I would love the luxury of being able to muck about having sex 5 days before ovulation to get pregnant.

Try to understand why your post is making a lot of people very angry. Be glad of whichever family you get. And get yourself a new hobby, or who knows, why not take more of an interest in what your boys do.

Fillyjonk75 Sun 07-Apr-13 06:02:18

How do you conceive "five days before ovulation"?

GreyWhites Sun 07-Apr-13 06:07:07

Fillyjonk, the idea is that female sperm last longer than male sperm so by having sex a few days in advance of ovulation, those that do survive in your body will be more likely to be female sperm. You're not conceiving before ovulation, just having sex. The sperm survive in the body for up to 5 days.

fairylightsinthespring Sun 07-Apr-13 06:53:21

Yes the OP is being silly but she is being honest and voicing worries about the future. Of course any daughter may turn out not to be the shopping partner / close friend, but most do. I know my mum values the "quality time" she gets with me and DSis and that my DH shares little with his. His parents didn't see my kids until they came out of hospital as I didn't want them there post CS, mine did visit. I really don't see the relevance of the "count yourself lucky" posts. On this and every other subject there is always someone in a worse position - can we never post anything other than major trauma? I'll not whinge about DS waking me up at 5.45 this morning then, as no doubt someone else was woken earlier so I have no right to feel miffed wink

AllOverIt Sun 07-Apr-13 06:57:03

Be thankful for what you have.

'Any tips for next time?' biscuit

sleepywombat Sun 07-Apr-13 07:01:57

The 70% 30% thing is an old wives tale. I'm pretty sure its more or less 50:50 each time.

exoticfruits Sun 07-Apr-13 07:21:15

Life would be nice and simple if you could just plan a,b and c to get d. I think that it is great that there are somethings that are beyond our control and hope it stays that way.

Fillyjonk75 Sun 07-Apr-13 11:23:56

Usually I can see through typos/autocorrect but I still can't work out what "swayed for a girl" is meant to mean.

Yes, that's what I thought, Greywhites. Conception very much taking place after ovulation!

IsaacCox Sun 07-Apr-13 11:33:29


5 years. 5 fucking years we have been trying for one child. What I would do to have 3 boys! Just be happy with what you've got and hope to God they never realise how much you wanted something they're not.

shushpenfold Sun 07-Apr-13 11:34:12


WilsonFrickett Sun 07-Apr-13 11:35:43

So why are you letting yourself sit alone and be lonely? Get involved in your boys' activities. Find activities that you can all do/share as a family. Or find something to do yourself. You are letting your own ideas and preconceptions of gender and what you're 'supposed' to do because you are female and your family is male keep you stuck in a little lonely box.

You can change. And the more involved you are in your sons' lives, the more likely they are to want to keep you there.

Plenty girls grow up to be women who don't see their mothers, btw.

Well, I've quoted the 70:30 thing lots of times in the past! blush I'm sure I read it somewhere reputable, but can't find anything to support it now. Just as well I thought that, though, it helped me plan for my third child thinking it would be more likely to be a third boy, so I knew I wouldn't be disappointed with that, IYSWIM.

Trills Sun 07-Apr-13 11:40:54

Tips for next time:

Don't have a baby unless you would be happy with either sex (if there is a chance that you would be unhappy with the child that you get, don't have one at all)

Don't have a baby unless you would be happy if your child did not conform to the stereotypes that you attach to children of that sex (if you would be unhappy if your girl turned out not to like "girly things", for example)

I have to add, my DS2 has SN, so didn't even fit the 'as long as it's healthy' mantra, but I still love him just as much as his brothers. smile

DeskPlanner Sun 07-Apr-13 11:51:34

"What did I do wrong ?"

So much too say, but must resist. Have a biscuit .

mombie Sun 07-Apr-13 12:01:36

I have 3 boys and a girl and fwiw they are all a pain to take shopping. I dont understand this desire because I have both sexes but it bothers me when people suggest that my sons wont care about me in the same way my daughter will when they are older. Its not why I had them. Appreciate your kids. Learn to love 'boy' stuff or else stop differentiating. Please dont do the vinegar thing again... sounds horrendous.

TheonlyWayisGerard Sun 07-Apr-13 12:43:44

Have you always been this insensitive or did you have to take an evening class?

digerd Sun 07-Apr-13 12:52:07

I had a girl, conceived on the 15th day of 28 day cycle.
A friend did the research and got what she wanted.
Another friend had 4 children and got what she wanted 2 girls, then 2 boys. She followed no plan, just had lots of sex

MIL had 13 DC < imagine she had sex everynight>
1,2,3,4, were boys, 5,6,7,8, were all girls. 9 boy, 10 girl,11 girl, 12 boy.

What about 13?

snickersnacker Sun 07-Apr-13 13:05:44

There are lots of little girls in the care system. If you really want to guarantee a daughter then perhaps you might consider adopting.

jellybeans Sun 07-Apr-13 13:06:10

I have 3 boys and 2 girls, I lost 2 girls also both stillborn and early miscarriages also, nightmare pregnancies and births so I treasure all my living children, gender means nothing whatsoever..

But being totally honest i was a bit 'worried' about having boys after my girls but only because all my friends with just boys were 'desperate' (their words) and went on and on about boys being not as good/more for their DH, go off when grown up etc etc sad They have all since had girls and dress them head to toe in pink and have 'girly' days whatever they are!!!

Well as soon as I had my own i needn't have worried at all they are every bit as nice and scrummy as baby girls!! And older boys are as fun as girls. I actually prefer boys clothes and toy shopping but I guess I am not 'girly' my girls wore jeans etc and were not into ballet etc. We don't really push the DC into dif gender areas, they do what they like. My boys used to dress up as mermaids and wear painted nails and have dolls etc. Girls played with cars and in mud. So the point is none are more enjoyable than the other, whatever you get is amazing and lucky.

arghhhhhhhhhh Sun 07-Apr-13 13:06:35

i read some drivel about one partner climaxing before the other and something about having cool balls but can't remember who had to do what to sway chance of whatever gender.

Ra88 Sun 07-Apr-13 13:10:14

At least you have a healthy child !!! Unlike some of us, who are not blessed with having 3 healthy babies !

LooseyMy Sun 07-Apr-13 13:10:16

Jelly- I love shopping for my seven year old DS's clothes- they're so cool! Don't have to worry about him looking sexualised or whether the clothes are too revealing, like you do with little girl's clothes. I'm into rock and metal and used to be a goth in my teens, so I've never been into stereotypical girly clothes. DS is developing an interest in the same music as me. He is extremely soft and loving- always saying lovely things and giving lots of cuddles. I'm not dreading the teen years as I would if i had a girl- I was horrendous as a teenager and horrible to my mum! Neither of my nieces are close to their mum- she always struggled far more to bond with my eldest niece than I ever did with DS- we've always had a close bond.

jellybeans Sun 07-Apr-13 13:13:10

'my husband takes older boys to watch football i stay at home while friends go out with their daughters shopping /girlie afternoons.i feel alone .i do love my boys so much and would never be without them or tell them i wanted a daughter.'

I don't go out shopping with my DDs or have 'girls afternoons'. We just have family days out. I do the same things with DSs as DDs..One of 3 DSs goes to football with DH along with 1 DD about once/twice a month (as DH works most match days). I would go too but younger DS wouldn't sit still for that long. You could go out to play football in the park? theme parks/cinema? Shopping? Boys like shopping too in my experience!! Why not try have more family days out? You really don't need to focus on gender differences so much. Many girls love football as well, I was obsessed when i was a kid!

jellybeans Sun 07-Apr-13 13:15:38

LooseyMy your DS sounds lovely smile I agree re boys clothes. (ps I too was a nightmare teen!)

Squitten Sun 07-Apr-13 13:21:05

Well, I don't think that you're wrong for being honest about wanting a daughter. I have two sons and would be lying if a bit of me wasn't hoping that the one I'm pregnant with now is a girl as it's our last. But me and DH agreed that we would never have another child purely to try and get a girl - it's not fair on the resulting child, male or female. So we'll be equally happy with a third boy to complete the pack.

You need to inject a bit of realism into your brain OP. Firstly, you can "sway" until the cows come home, you will always have a possibility of another boy. Secondly, there is no telling what kind of relationship you and a potential daughter will have. She might grow up to hate the sight of you. Being a girl guarantees NOTHING so take off the rose-tinted specs.

The best advice for you for next time would be to get your head on straight.

Loulybelle Sun 07-Apr-13 13:26:29

Firstly, be happy you can have children, some cant.

Loulybelle Sun 07-Apr-13 13:27:22

Secondly, you have no control over nature, since your husbands sperm, contains the X and Y, hes giving a Y for boys and not an X for girls.

cricketballs Sun 07-Apr-13 13:33:25

I think too many of you are giving the op a hard time; I have 2 sons and I think I understand the op in needing some female company! We I decided that 2 was enough amongst the many reasons why did include the fact that we would more than likely have another boy and there is only so much mud, dirt etc that I can take!

Op - have you any nieces? When I am in desperate need to do the mother/daughter thing I take one of my nieces out shopping/lunch etc and leave the smelly ones at home/football/fishing/trying to find a clean towel because I have refused to be the majic fairy that picks them up grin

Fakebook Sun 07-Apr-13 13:34:28

I had a girl then a boy. Ner ner ner neer ner.

No but seriously, I've heard magnesium helps conceive a boy too.
It's all bullshit. Only the sperm determines the sex. Blame your DH for having super fast boy sperms who win every race.

Fightlikeagirl Sun 07-Apr-13 13:58:31

Op, I have two boys, both love football as does DH so we ALL go to football matches and out to play football. Never used to be interested in football and I'm still not as into it as they are but my sons love it so I've decided to get involved rather than sit at home. We all have a fun time ( even when our team loses!).
I think it's great that my boys see that's it not just males who can be into sport. My eldest always likes (short!!) shopping trips so I get to take him into town, we do lunch etc.
I also know all the skylander names, all about Kobots and can build a lego fire engine with my eyes shut!!
So I'm just saying you don't have to be the same gender as your child to get involved and share experiences together. smile

AmandaPayneAteTooMuchChocolate Sun 07-Apr-13 14:04:31

I'm going to leave the main issue alone, as you've had lots of comments.

But I have to pick up on the 'lose them to their wives' 'if they divorce will I see my grandchildren' stuff.

Firstly, many grandparents (maternal and paternal) see less of their grandchildren than they would wish. For any number of geographic and other reasons. I know many mothers living in different countries from their parents and close(ish) to their in laws, for example.

Secondly, you do not lose your son to his family. The fact is that, in our patriarchal society, women often take the burden of organising the social life of the family. Setting the meet-ups, posting the birthday cards. That is why the family of the mother can end up getting preference. If you're doing the organising, you sway towards organising in a way that suits you. So you have a few things you can do:

- raise your sons not to abdicate responsibility in that way;

- raise your sons to treat women well and to treat people generally nicely, so that if they have relationships they are more likely to last and any break ups are more likely to be amicable (the woman who uses possession of her children to punish a perfectly lovely ex and his family being the stuff of Daily Mail caricature and really not so common in real life); and above all,

-be nice to any woman who has your grandchild. I know at least two sets of grandparents whose sons have gone totally off the rails and don't see their children, but by virtue of being nice people who the mother likes and trusts with her children, are still heavily involved in their grandchildren's lives.

I know you are probably thinking it is unfair that you have to put in what seems like 'extra' effort, but well, 'wifework' screws us all over in many and varied ways. And, to be honest, those are things I shall be doing too raising my girls (with an obvious tweak to the first one).

somewherewest Sun 07-Apr-13 14:08:37

...whereas I'm the opposite of Cricketballs and am a bit nervous about having a DD in case they turn out to be obsessed with clothes/shoes/shopping and we have nothing in common. I would happily have the OP's household grin.

somewherewest Sun 07-Apr-13 14:13:40

...and sod's law if you ever do have a daughter OP, she will probably be as stereotypically 'boyish' as its possible to be (says the woman who hated dolls and dresses and would've worn the same raggy Scooby Doo T-shirt for her entire childhood if it hadn't literally fallen to pieces).

cakeandcava Sun 07-Apr-13 14:26:43

To those defending the OP with 'gender preference is real' and 'we should be understanding of feeling sad for not having a girl' -I'm sorry, but no. Just because a feeling is real does not mean it is deserving of sympathy. I think it's totally fine to tell the OP she is being ridiculous and insensitive (I spent three years ttc, one mmc) and that she should be grateful she has healthy children.
I really really can't stand this gender preference crap. If that is truly how you feel then you should be ashamed and try to work on your feelings a bit.

sheeplikessleep Sun 07-Apr-13 14:28:32

OP, I think you've had an unfair hammering here. No one is ever saying that being able to have any child, boy or girl, who is healthy is a blessing and the most important thing. Of course it is. This isn't a competition.
However, with 3 DSs who I adore and wouldn't be without and wouldn't swap for the world (and I mean that - I wouldn't swap them for any girl, ever), I too feel some sadness that I will never experience bringing up a daughter. That is a totally separate feeling to having 3 sons. I think your wording in your OP was ill thought through. Gender disappointment is such a taboo topic and of course, it's less important than the harrows of infertility or not having healthy children. But it is a feeling that is very real for people.
OP - focus on your beautiful sons. You imagined your life in a certain way and it's turned out different. As time goes on, you'll realise why. I'm a bit fatalistic about these things really.
Congratulations btw.

sheeplikessleep Sun 07-Apr-13 14:28:55

<Awaits hammering too>

williaminajetfighter Sun 07-Apr-13 14:30:55

cakeandcava, There's really no need to be unnecessarily mean. Glad you are soooo open minded and are completely neutral about gender.

This article is starting to feel timely:


AmandaPayneAteTooMuchChocolate Sun 07-Apr-13 14:48:24

Williamina - I rather like Amanda Holden, but I find that article rather sad. She's an ambitious, adult woman. I couldn't give a toss about how long she takes off, and a few days on BGT is hardly going down 't pit. Why does she feel she has to justify her decision based on it being best for her older daughter? She's sort of an example of exactly what she's criticising - the cult of everything having to be abut the child. I wish she'd said "I needed to get back to normal. It was very traumatic and I wanted to put it behind me. It was a few days and my daughter came with me. I don't understand the fuss"

elliejjtiny Sun 07-Apr-13 15:00:58

I have 3 ds's and pg with my 4th (not sure what type this one is).

Have you seen the film "bend it like beckham"? The mum of the girls is always worrying about what her DDs are doing and the mum of the boy is perfectly happy although oblivious that her DS is gay.

I must admit I worry sometimes about being the MIL who doesn't get to see the GC but in our family it's the other way round. I'm also extra nice to DS1's GF just in case (DS1 is 6 and GF is 8 but you can't start too early grin.

cakeandcava most women with gender preference do feel guilty and do try to work on it. Your lack of sympathy does mirror those who fail to sympathise with those struggling with fertility.

Or is it ok to tell people with mental illness to pull their socks up and count their blessings?

cakeandcava Sun 07-Apr-13 15:12:05

Horry I guess my argument would be that whereas infertility and mental illness are genuine, debilitating and heartbreaking issues, gender preference is not.

However, I do see your point -I'll try to work on my sympathy.

sheeplikessleep Sun 07-Apr-13 15:21:53

For some cakeandcava, gender disappointment is genuine, debilitating and heartbreaking.

Well they need to have a stern word with themselves then and will not get a shred of sympathy from me. It is in absolutely no fucking way comparable with either infertility or mental illness.

jellybeans Sun 07-Apr-13 15:34:13

Lovely post Fightlikeagirl

I think a preference is somewhat normal but when people say they are heartbroken etc or would 'get rid' if it was 'another boy' (it always seems to be boys) it is hard to hear that if you have actually been to a 20 week scan and been told your baby has severe probably lethal birth defects (happened to me). That programme a while back '8 boys and wanting a girl' was horrible and there also is a website called 'in gender' where they commiserate if told the 'wrong' gender at the scan. Some also abort if the wrong gender. I wonder why also it is more acceptable to want girls but if it was the other way round and they really didn't want 'another girl' or would 'get rid' would it be so 'understandable'?

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn Sun 07-Apr-13 15:35:41

I pity the children of parents with "gender disappointment", not the parents.

sheeplikessleep Sun 07-Apr-13 15:35:44

I'm not saying its comparable. But it is genuine.
Im bowing out of this thread now.

Having lost babies in similar circumstances I completely agree. Anyone saying they're 'heartbroken' at having a boy would get very short shrift from me. I, and many others on here, would do anything to be able to have a healthy baby and idiots like the OP need to count their blessings rather than mourning some mythical mother / daughter relationship that doesn't even consider the female child might have their own preferences or personality.

jellybeans Sun 07-Apr-13 15:47:35

'When I am in desperate need to do the mother/daughter thing I take one of my nieces out shopping/lunch etc and leave the smelly ones at home '

What is the 'mother and daughter thing'? Why do you specifically need a girl to do it? Can't boys do dinner/lunch? And not all boys are smelly or full of mud all the time!!

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance Sun 07-Apr-13 15:50:35

What Sheep said at 14:28:42

AmberSocks Sun 07-Apr-13 15:52:19

Actually it is not just the father that determines the sex,the vagina ca have a acidic or alkaline enviroment which can help or hinder male of female sperm.

I don't understand 'gender preference' or 'gender disappointment' or whatever the term is, but I do get that every person on this planet is different.

When you feel something then, to you, that is the most important thing in your life, and just because other people have it worse it doesn't detract from the way that you personally feel.

Its like someone falling and breaking their leg and struggling on crutches, the pain and suffering and difficulties will still be the same for them if someone else falls and breaks both their legs and is struggling more.

As I say I have no experience of gender preference/disappointment, and I don't understand it, and I have been through more than my fair share of heartache when it comes to having children, but that doesn't mean that I can't see that it really is an issue for some people and that they do feel a sense of loss over what will never be.

As I said upthread though I think your time and energies would be better spent bonding with your boys rather than trying for another child and hoping its a girl. You have a lovely family right in front of you and it sounds like you are missing out on it all just now. Join in on their trips, invite force them to do things you like, take up new hobbies together. Children are all amazing individuals regardless of gender, they really are.

AmandaPayneAteTooMuchChocolate Sun 07-Apr-13 16:08:47

I am not sure it is fair to say gender disappointment is in no way fucking comparable with mental illness.

That makes the mistake of judging it objectively. Objectively, phobias of spiders, or vomiting, or flying are bloody ridiculous. Pull yourself together. It's not a proper problem. It's not going to kill you. It's not even going to hurt you. Just get a bloody grip and stop feeling sorry for yourself.

Except it isn't like that is it? Phobias about the 'silliest' of things can be debilitating mental illness. Just as this type of thing can be. Doesn't mean it's objectively anything like stillbirth, or infertility, or bereavement. But it does mean that the person's mental state has turned it into something it isn't - and that process has itself made the 'thing' something that can damage lives. I'd say that, in many ways, gender disappointment can be a mental illness.

cricketballs Sun 07-Apr-13 16:09:46

jellybeans can you not understand a bit of sarcasm? this is why I get annoyed with mn sometimes

I love all the men in my life and I have taken on their wants and needs no matter how much I want to talk to someone about mascara; but to be honest, yes they do smell!

So yes, I do 'kidnap' a niece every so often to have the lipstick/mascara conversation that I don't have with my DC - instead DH and DS have full and detailed conversations that I do join in on about if someone was offside, if someone was really LBW...

BUT I also need the full girlie thing as well!

josiejay Sun 07-Apr-13 16:24:47

I think some women think that their daughter will become their best friend but that is rarely the case in my experience. When I was young shopping trips with my mum were pretty fraught and involved buying clothes that I needed, not some kind of leisure activity. If you want to go out for lunches and shopping trips then you can do it with a friend, a sister or just by yourself!

I also think it's a symptom of the gender stereotyping obsessed society we live in that some women are convinced that they are missing out on this wonderful world of pink and princesses if they don't produce a girl, I'm not judging the women themselves but the whole worship of little girl culture makes me feel a bit queasy tbh. I'm currently pregnant with a dd, already have a DS and it slightly irritates me when people say oh how perfect. What's perfect is getting a healthy child at all, what's even more wonderful is getting two of them, of either sex!

TartyMcTart Sun 07-Apr-13 18:10:27

Honestly made up phrases like "gender preference" and "gender disappointment" get my bloody back up. The end result is that you're unhappy having another boy and shouldn't have tried for another baby knowing you might get a boy and not a girl. Poor fucking you OP.

jamdonut Sun 07-Apr-13 18:25:59

I think boys always love their mums, but you're really lucky if you get a good mother daughter relationship.
My daughter only goes shopping with me if she wants something. At the moment it is a Prom dress,hmm which I cannot afford right now,but get it in the ear because "All my friends are ordering theirs" and "Do you want me to go to the prom looking like a tramp?". I don't get this type of pressure from my boys.hmm

Floggingmolly Sun 07-Apr-13 19:17:42

I haven't actually read the thread; but what the hell is "swaying", and why would it determine or not, in your case the sex of your child? hmm
Btw, boys can do ballet too

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn Sun 07-Apr-13 19:38:32

My suspicion is that the OP meant "SWI-ing" as in "shagging with intent".

It's another one of those vomit inducing phrases up there with "doing the deed" and the most puke-worthy of all "baby dancing" <shudders>.

My honest opinion, it's called SEX and if you aren't mature enough to use the word, you're not mature enough to be doing it.

And yes I'm a grouchy old cow, and a barren one at that wink

baby dancing do people seriously say that shock

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn Sun 07-Apr-13 19:44:05

Yup, I've seen it said, and on MN too shock Along with the feckin' posts about "baby dust" angry & envy < puke face.

Floggingmolly Sun 07-Apr-13 19:46:56

Jesus hmm. So, do you sway shag differently "for a girl", then?
Op sounds about 14, God love her.

Laughing my head off here at 'gender disappointment' being a mental illness. Let's see if it makes it into DSM V, I wonder what the treatment will be?

exoticfruits Sun 07-Apr-13 20:00:29

The chance of a girl is always 50/50. It is also about 50/50 that any girl will turn out to be 'mother's best friend'.

70:30 is a myth data here.

Link doesn't work, breatheslowly. Would be interested in having my previous misguided belief proved dodgy. smile

everlong Sun 07-Apr-13 20:30:25

InGender is where you should be posting OP.

You might get a bit more empathy.

AmandaPayneAteTooMuchChocolate Sun 07-Apr-13 20:31:22

Well I'm glad I gave you a cheap laugh then Mariana.

I am sorry for your losses. Loss of a child or infertility is in no way comparable to not getting the gender mix in your family you would prefer. But people tie themselves in knots to the point of depression over many 'silly' things in life. It doesn't make the resulting depression any less damaging. Which is really what I was trying to say about mental illness- that effectively it could possibly be a trigger point for depressive illnesses. A friend of mine became horribly depressed over losing a job, even though she found another quite quickly. It was only a trigger, but the depression wrecked her life for a long time. It didn't wreck her life any less because it wasn't triggered by the death of a loved one or a divorce.

StrawberriesTasteLikeLipsDo Sun 07-Apr-13 20:34:00

Please let this be a joke. Ive never been more morally offended in my life.

ll31 Sun 07-Apr-13 20:38:05

Think some posters are being particularly nasty tbh. There is nothing wrong with knowing that you'd prefer a boy or a girl - how could there be? The op has described how she loves her children. I really don't understand the nastiness here. As for the remarks that she should look at the conception / infertility threads - so if someone says on the health thread that she is having a bad time with something relatively minor should she be told to stop complaining and look at the cancer threads -ridiculous comments.

lappy Sun 07-Apr-13 20:53:55

I agree completely with you ll31.

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn Sun 07-Apr-13 21:00:03

ll31, the key issue here is that the OP refers to her child's gender as "wrong" twice in her opening post.

I'm presuming you've never had any problems conceiving because if you had you'd know how deeply offensive and upsetting it is to listen to someone complaining about having three healthy children.

EuroShaggleton Sun 07-Apr-13 21:02:19

I read sway as "tried to sway the odds in favour of a girl".

Thanks for saying my comment was ridiculous II31 hmm. I'm just off down the homeless shelter now to wave some £50 notes at them and then tell them I had dinner at a Michelin starred restaurant last night and it wasn't all that - which is pretty much what the OP is doing to the fertility-challenged posters on here. She doesn't appreciate the riches she has.

Thanks breatheslowly! I love a statistic. So the odds do increase very, very slightly. Not 70:30, more like 52:48, when the odds for your first DC are 51:49 boy:girl anyway! thanks

Ledkr Sun 07-Apr-13 21:46:22

This subject always causes controversy but I do think its unfair to start telling someone they should think of those who can't conceive or have lost a baby.
I had three ds then a daughter ten years later and hell yes I wanted a girl.
Don't really know why I just wanted the gender I didn't already have. I wanted to buy girls clothes for a change and plait her hair and choose a girls name. All horribly superficial but harmless.
I had a mc and it took me four years to conceive her so I was extremely grateful for a healthy baby but still wanted a girl.
Just because you would prefer a different gender to what you already have it doesn't mean you aren't aware of your good fortune and certainly isn't meant to offend anyone else.

Floggingmolly Sun 07-Apr-13 21:51:56

Really, ledkr? She finished her op by bewailing "I got the wrong gender, what did I do wrong?"

Thank you AmandaPayne. Yes, gender preference can be a trigger for or indeed a symptom of mental illnesses including anxiety and depression.

Generally you can tell the difference between someone who wants "a lil princess to be ma bff luv u all reddy xXxXx" ... and someone with more deep-seated anxieties she can't quite put her finger on that happen to be currently focused on her baby's sex even though objectively she can see that that is absurd and ungrateful and all the rest of it and is so mortified by her own feelings she turns to self-harm or has suicidal thoughts. And nobody dare tell me that second woman doesn't exist. I was her.

What she did wrong wasn't to have a preference, but to buy into hokum as a result.

AnyoneforTurps Sun 07-Apr-13 21:56:02

I don't know anything about diet (Evian? ) but "dates" method worked for us - DD was conceived 5 days before ovulation and DS was conceived on the date of ovulation.

Sigh. You would have had a 50% chance of having a girl/boy whatever you had done.

montage Sun 07-Apr-13 22:04:26

"i did the dairy diet,milk"

I read this as "I did the dairy milk diet"

It sounded awesome.

shesariver Sun 07-Apr-13 22:21:33

I agree with the people who are saying the most offensive part of the original post was the "wrong gender" bit, especially when its referring to a live child. Thats really distasteful.

Ledkr Sun 07-Apr-13 22:25:05

floggin I must admit I took that as a bit if a lighthearted joke if not that's a bit silly.
I have to be honest, i always had some underlying sadness that I'd never have a daughter though be that right or wrong I'm just honest.
I was delighted with my daughter and still am 11 yrs later.
It was nothing to do with girly things either my youngest son was a ballet dancer a dc they are all arty types not a football kit in sight grin

exoticfruits Sun 07-Apr-13 22:32:43

If I try and say on other threads that there is a difference between boys and girls I get shouted down. People won't have it- therefore it follows that it really doesn't matter! grin
I agree that it generally boils down to pretty dresses, long hair to style, a quieter, more pliant personality, no mud and a love of shopping- not to mention a best friend when adults.
. Experience should tell you that it depends on the personality of the DD and that quite probably won't get any of the above!

Montage - that sounds great. I am doing the Galaxy diet - what will I get?

Ledkr Sun 07-Apr-13 22:41:03

I agree exotic. My daughter certainly isn't the fun shopping friend she "should be" she is quite cheeky at times, likes her own way and is mortified by my very presence hmm I am just off the phone to ds1 with whom I gossiped and whined and talked about our fav tv programmes and laughed like drains.
I went shopping with ds2 last week who is a bit if a Gok wan.

Floggingmolly Sun 07-Apr-13 22:41:53

I've got a 12 year old dd and I'm certainly not getting any of those, exotic smile

Thewhingingdefective Sun 07-Apr-13 22:43:12

I hope your son never realises what a disappointment he is.

exoticfruits Sun 07-Apr-13 22:52:30

I have friends who were a great disappointment to their mothers- they wouldn't be seen dead shopping with them! I had one whose mother tried to persuade us all to encourage her DD to wear a dress- she was desperate to buy her one! (I don't think she had managed it over the age of 4yrs!) The friend is now over 50, still doesn't wear dresses and only goes to the supermarket to help her mother with shopping- never for a fun day out.

Loulybelle Mon 08-Apr-13 20:04:16

I'd like to point out that daughters often have a similar personality to their mothers, and these personalities can clash with epic proportions.

I love my daughter to bits, but blimey she gets on my nerves, because shes so like me, and i know many mother/daughter relationships like it.

Scholes34 Mon 08-Apr-13 20:07:21

If you already have two boys, the chances of having a third is greater than 50%.

Scholes, it's been fully discussed and researched up the thread. The chances only increase by maybe 1 or 2 %, so instead of 50:50, maybe 52:48.

scarlettsmummy2 Mon 08-Apr-13 20:18:29

Haven't read the posts but this is very sad.

MooMooSkit Mon 08-Apr-13 20:20:23

sad I really hope your attitude isn't like this when your LO is born. I have a boy and have always wanted a boy and a girl but if my next is a boy, that is also fine, I will just be happy with being blessed to have two healthy children. I don't think there's anything you can do though I've heard girl sperm live longer and boy sperm swim faster so maybe having sex BEFORE ovulation for more chance of a girl?

MyBaby1day Tue 09-Apr-13 00:55:50

They'de LOVE you in China and think you were SOOOOoooo lucky!! grin. HUGE Congratulations on your Son!. There is something called swaying, it worked for my friend (had 3 boys too).

MsBella Tue 09-Apr-13 01:04:47

Jesus christ everyone she didn't say he was a dissapointment, she said she loves him a lot but wants a girl. Maybe she doesn't want 20 kids before having a girl which is why she did those things to try and have a girl. Id say what's actually offensive is your comments suggesting she thinks her child is a dissapointment

Oh dear. I know a family where the parents desperately wanted a daughter. They had two sons, had a third and finally conceived a daughter very shortly after their DS3 was born. Their poor DS3 has always suffered from not being a girl. He's always been a disappointment purely because he wasn't a girl and the effects of this last into adult life.

Please make sure you never let your DS know you're disappointed he wasn't a girl, in actions or words.

You may also find that any DD you have doesn't live up to your expectations of what a daughter should be. That wouldn't be good either.

sashh Tue 09-Apr-13 07:20:45

Wanting a particular sex or gender assumes that you have some rather rigid expectations of what your child is going to be like and how they ought to behave...

I know that one. My parents really wanted a girl. I just didn't turn out to be the girl they wanted.

Ledkr Tue 09-Apr-13 07:41:50

Nonsense. I wanted a girl for. Nice change after 3 boys the same as I'd not buy another pair of whit jeans if I had three other pairs already.
People over analyse this. I wanted to buy girls clothes and shoes (especially little swimsuits) and use a girls name. It really stopped there.
Each previous time I'd had my boys I was ecstatic.
I didn't know what I was having and was excited to see my new baby I merely had a preference for a girl.

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