To think it was insensitive to have said this about my post baby body and be a bit upset??(97 Posts)
I had a c section 3.5 weeks ago.
My SIL has just come round and gone on and on about ow I 'still look five months pregnant' and how this 'didn't happen' with her after her c section.
She kept looking at me from different angles and saying, 'it's just really weird, your tummy still looks pregnant!'
I would have told her (politely) to bugger off but I was too upset to get into it so just left the room.
.i am sleep deprived and have struggled with eating disorders and body image issues previously (SIL knows this) and feel very sensitive on this matter.
I am now worried that I have got totally wrecked stomach muscles from the c section and that they will never be normal ever again
Could it be my uterus not contracting down yet?? I haven't been able to breast feed (Been feeling rubbish about this too... SIL also knows this...) and so wonder if my tummy is still protruding from sticking out uterus. Possible??
I probably do look v pregnant still, I am overall quite skinny but do still have a big bulging tummy. I had been feeling better about it these last few days as I thought it was improving and now I feel really really shit.
sIL not known for her sensitivity but this is a bit much. I may just be hormonal and tired but I feel rubbish now and just want to hide away because I feel like a freak.
what a fucking cow she is. I'd keep her out of your house if i were you.
You will be fine. She is a complete bitch. When you're rested and feeling stronger you can tell her to fuck off.
What a twat, keep her at arms length.
What. A. Bitch. Regardless if you have or have not shrunk yet, she is unbelievably insensitive. FWIW, it took ages for my tummy to shrink back after my CS. You probably notice because you are slim to start with. I wasn't
I have gone upstairs and left them all to it.
I feel really really miserable and embarrassed. I made an effort to look nice for this evening and now I just feel like I am fat and pregnant looking.
I had my DD 10 months ago and still look about 4 months pregnant!
What a bitch. Unless you had a sneaky tummy tuck during your c section how on earth are you expected to not have a tummy 3.5 weeks after giving birth?
Nasty cow. Ignore her.
She's clearly jealous about something to feel the need to do that!
I am now pathetically googling 'uterus shrinking' to see if I am 'normal' or not!!!
Ignore her or better still say did you mean to be so rude.
She's an utter heinous cunt.
Am going to go back downstairs and get a very large glass of very old white wine
Mine is still there after 15 bloody years. I am a greedy pig though.
Anyway. Your SiL is an insensitive cow.
I looked 6 months pregnant post c section, your sil is truly awful and don't worry it does go down. Enjoy your evening and im sure you look fabulous
I had a baby four weeks ago and without hyperbole, would feel suicidal if someone said this to me- I too have ED history and lay awake at night struggling with my post baby body, hating myself for even caring.
Ignore her, she's being deliberatly hateful. I BF and uterus has gone back down but I still have a pregnant looking tummy. It's normal. It will go back. So will yours, I promise.
Swerp the whole flipping bottle up. And the baby and retreat to your room.
It takes ages for a c section tummy to go down. And I have had 3. It took me 2 years to feel like ME again after my 3rd. I dont know if I am unusual or not, but after the swellling goes down, then I needed to lose the weight and it felt like all my organs were in the wrong place. Anyway, it took ages for me, ignore the silly bitch, you are in a vulnerable place post cs. This is just the exact opposite of what people should say to you right now. I'm sure you look just as you should right now
You've just had major abdominal surgery. There's probsbly a fair amount of swelling there! She is a cow. When you've composed yourself a bit I'd say to her the MN classic Did you mean to be so rude?!
fucking hell, go and point out that her nose is bloody huge and she should get it sorted.
Enjoy your wine and don't stress. It's quite normal to have to wait for your body to return to it's new shape, you've had 9 months worth of growing inside there.
She is a bitch.
You will be slim again.
I agree with Mrs Terry, your tummy may appear to be bigger than it really is as the rest of you is skinny.
Hope that makes sense.
It will go down on it's own, don't do any dieting - you need all your energy to cope with the lack of sleep.
The celebrities who get their figure back with a week of giving birth are mental (IMO).
it's perfectly normal. Mine looked like that too and then gradually shrank. I reckon you should make it very clear to her how much she's upset you. Insensitive cow.
Ignore, ignore, ignore.
She is a cow, and almost certainly a lying cow!
You've had major surgery, please try and forget her comments (hard I know), relax and enjoy your lovely new baby. Congratulations by the way!
four days after i had my twins by section my mum said 'you look like there's another one still in there'. Gee, thanks for that....
I was still very pregnant looking a good month later and heading back to my old size about 4 months later.
So tell your SIL to (politely) piss 'orf
What did your DH say?
Feel free to challenge her - say something like 'I feel hurt and offended when you make personal remarks about my appearance, please stop it' . Repeat once or twice if she keeps on. The third time do shout 'stop being so rude, please leave now' and show her the door.
You don't have to put up with rudeness from anyone.
Well, this kind of stupidity is why a glittering career is obstetric surgery does not await your SIL. I don't think I've ever said this before on MN, but your SIL is a bitch!
Ask your midwife or GP about the uterus; Dr Google never makes yus feel better and never properly identifies real issues, either. Lose/lose situation!
You poor, poor thing. Your sil is an evil, jealous cunt.
Op, you'll be fine - it's been THREE weeks - all sounds perfectly normal to me.
Fwiw, I've had 3 babies, I've also been very big - at my largest 18 stone. I had a small (16 month) gap between my last 2 and was very greedy - gained huge weight. I was very pregnant looking 2 months after giving birth (I was asked when was I due etc)
Youngest is now 22 months and I'm a size 10 with, to be honest, very little effort. I probably have the best figure I personally have ever had.
You'll be fine
You need time to heal. Talk to your doc at six week check. Three weeks is no time to recover from a c section. She really is being a bitch. Congratulations on your new baby. You really don't need this shit.
SIL was being very very rude and insensitive.
AFAIK, it's perfectly normal to still have a bigger tummy 3.5 weeks after the baby's born.
But ask your midwife / GP if you really are worried that your uterus hasn't contracted as it should. Not google.
What an idiot she sounds. Keep her away for a while. Who wants to listen to this kind of nonsense. I got back to being slim fairly reasonably quickly after being pregnant. I'm not slim now though.
She's sounds like a total twat. Ignore her spiteful cruel comments- she enjoy the fact she must be a very sad and bitter person to have to put others down to make herself feel better
please please please do not listen to her.
what horrible person she is. quite honsetly i'd tell her to leave. how dare she come to your home and treat you like that. and there is no way she is that thick that she wont know how hurtful that will have been.
3 weeks is nothing! I was asked by a stranger if I was pregnant again at 7 months after my second - I am slim elsewhere but it's taken 14 months for my stomach to look almost normal again
Ignore her, she is either being deliberately hurtful, in which case she's a poisonous cow & doesn't deserve to be listened to; or it was a thoughtless comment & she just doesn't realise how hurtful she has been. I totally sympathise re the ED, body image etc. Probably she just felt randomly vindictive & you were an easy target.
What a horrible thing to say.
Enjoy your wine and if she says anything else about your body just tell her to bugger off!
What an utter bitch!
Please ignore her. I know it is so hard when you're do so hormonal but this isn't worth paying attention to. I am quite sure I still looked 5 months pg 3 weeks post CS!! It does take a while to go down, this is very normal. CS mums can't be mobile so quickly, plus there is swelling from the op and as you say your uterus is still contracting. Only a month ago it was your baby's home. It isn't going to snap back in that quickly!
Congratulations in your lovely baby, ignore your idiot SiL!!
I'd just send her out of the house. Excessively mean. She presumably has some deep-rooted issue making her say it but thisis not your problem.
You're not being overly sentive at all! She's being a bitch.
Is anyone else going to place money on the fact that SIL is actually jealous of how good Emerald looks 3.5 weeks after a c-section and really, inside, is gnawing at her own liver with jealousy?
What a cow- why is your dh giving her house room and not saying something?
It took me months to get tummy back and I am slim everywhere else. It isn't like normal pregnancy cos of surgery effect. Looking about 6 months gone for months after is normal.
Enjoy the and a lovely baby snuggle .
I am also slimmer than ever post 2 kids so it is not permanent.
You prob have some swelling, just ignore her
3.5 weeks after giving birth (whatever type of birth) it is completely normal to still look 5 months pregnant. Your sil is clearly a bitch.
She is a complete cow, OP. and IMO people who do this are doing it to make themselves feel better, as she is jealous. You look fab and she wishes she had looked so good!
My mum told sniggered and said you don't look as though you have had the baby yet....3 days after DS3!!!
I used the old mumsnet favourite "Did you mean that to sound so rude?" She was absolutely shocked that I had said that, and said "That wasn't very nice!" to me!!!!!
You have a gorgeous snugly little bub that you are perfect for. Forget those losers.
Oh my goodness! What a Category A bitchtwat! Ignore, ignore, ignore. My eldest is 6 and my youngest is 3.5 months. I still get regularly asked when I'm due. Why the hell do people do this to new mums (whether it's their first or 14th?) it's just unbelievable. This is her problem and not yours! At 3.5 weeks post section you're still well in the post natal period plus you've had major surgery. Not that many years ago you'd still be in hospital. Next time ( if you ever deign to see the hag again) just sweetly reply, 'yes, but I'm young, I'll get back to my pre baby figure if and when I decide. Shame it's too late for you' Harsh maybe but she's hardly Miss Congeniality! Congratulations on your baby! And please don't stress
Thanks so so much for nice words everyone. Really really has helped.
DH isn't here, he is off getting takeaway...
It's my brothers wife not my DH's sister...
She is a spiteful bitch. Do not take any of these comments to heart. 3 wks pp after dd1 a friend took me down the road for a quick coffee and we bumped into someone she knew- even though I had tiny DD next to me she said whilst staring open-mouthed at my tummy "how come you've got such a huge stomach?"
It is so unnecessary and very hurtful.
I had 3 CS, my body reacted slightly differently each time, but I had a huge stomach in the very early days too. Its normal- do not let this dreadful woman near you for a while.
I read somewhere that it takes 9 mo ths for your body to grow the baby so you should expect it to take 9 months for it to get back to its previous shape afterwards.
Please don't worry, you're completely normal. Swelling takes time to go down, and your uterus needs more time to contract than for a vaginal birth (although to be honest, it would still be normal for you to have a protruding abdomen after a vaginal birth after 3.5 weeks!). Your SIL is either totally lacking in empathy or a complete b**ch!
she sounds awful. ask your dh to tell her to fuck if you're not up to it
oh just read it was your brothers wife not dhs sister. In that case I feel passive aggressiveness is the way forward.
if she is older than you
"yes, but it was suuuuuuch a long time ago can you actually remember exactly when it went down? "
if she has given birth recently;
"no, trust me, you were huge too, but it's mostly gone now, don't worry" (smile sweetly)
My son is 17 months old and I'm still packing more than my fair share around my middle. And I didn't have a c-section and I breastfed.
The problem isn't your belly, it's that your SIL is a complete arsehole.
Tell her to shove it up her perfectly formed arse. Bastard.
Her lack of empathy is going to make her very lonely.
My DD is 2 and I'm still using the baby weight excuse!
Congrats on your little one OP
There isn't a problem with your body, there is a problem with her. Whatever problem that is its most certainly not yours so don't let her put it on you. She should be ashamed of herself.
She sounds jealous to me?
She knows your issues and she is deliberately trying to upset you, which is, TBH just plain cruel.
You've had major abdominal surgery, it takes time for your body to heal and settle down, in total it takes 2 years for your body to fully recuperate from having a baby so please do not punish yourself.
When and only when you are ready, start some gentle exercise, I recommend yoga and pilates, some swimming.
You can get your body back in good shape but it takes time and effort, no your body won't be exactly the same as it was so here's a very warm welcome to the mum's club :-D
Please waste no more time on this spiteful cows remarks. x
Sorry - had to come back to this. Did your DB not pull her up on this? If you don't want to bring it up with her now, have a word with him. She needs to be told she's just upset you.
She might not be a bitch. Some people just lack tact and sense. Ignore her anyway.
What a bitch. My midwife was saying how good I looked after a week and my mum piped up "she was a size 10". I had put on a shitload
4 stone of baby weight. The midwife gave her a death stare and said "she will be again" I could have kissed her. It took me a while but I am, you will be bak to your normal size in time, don't rush it just enjoy your baby.
I've had two sections its all swelling don't worry. Tell her at least your swelling will reduce but she will always be a Bitch!
I'm guessing that your baby is MUCH cuter than hers. She's a fucking cow, ignore her. Don't stress about your figure, I know it's hard but be patient and take good care of yourself and enjoy the baby - s/he and your health are what matters.
Tell your DH what she said for some back up. Any more nonsense he can chuck her out.
I've had two sections its all swelling don't worry. Tell her at least your swelling will reduce but she will always be a Bitch! Anyway babies like to snuggle up on mummies squidgy tummies! I couldn't BF dd1 either, managed for dd2 but stil felt guilty for dd1 . Try not to stress just enjoy your baby and keep visiotrs to A minimum
What a bitch.
I had to have physio after my c section (bad back/pelvis) and the physio lady said that it takes 9 months for your body to grow and it will take at least 9 months for it to go back.
Don't forget that on top of your organs etc shifting back into their normal place, your body is also knitting all your nerves/muscle/skin back together.
Totally unacceptable to EVER say this to a new mum.
It will go down, fear not . Don't you sometimes get a painful shoulder after C-sections? Perhaps your arm might involuntarily jerk out and accidentally give your SIL a slap - "just another side-effect what can I say, sorry about that"
What a bitch! 9months on 9 months off.... at least... plus a bit!!
Takes a while for it to go down, 3.5 weeksis nothing, do not let her take you back to body issues!
Thanks so much again everyone, it is so nice of you all to take the time to post nice things!!!
Annoyingly it IS taking me back to old body issues... partly because I just feel like my usual confidence has been swept out from under me because I thought I was looking all right and now I think I was being stupid.
I know it takes 9 months to come off... I had come to terms with the fact that I wouldn't look my 'normal' self for months just yet... but I was feeling as if I was doing well for where I was, IYSWIM, and now I feel like I was kidding myself.
None of my anger with SIL is helped by the fact that prior to saying this she was holding my baby and attempting to shove her (the baby's) fingers into her (the baby's mouth) while saying, "Find your thumb, darling!" and telling me that her children had always sucked their thumbs and she would 'encourage' me to get my DD to do the same... I have no issue whatsoever with people's children sucking their thumbs but I personally would rather DD didn't if at all possible... and if she is going to such her thumb then fine but let it be HER choice and not because she was having her fingers shoved into her mouth by a stranger!!! [anger]
I am kicking myself for not saying anything at that point (I just took DD away) because now I feel like a pushover as well as a bulging-tummied freak!!
Not a good day. DD is crying with colic at the moment as well which is probably making everything seem more awful.
I had a section 8 weeks ago and my tummy was still very big until 2 weeks ago. It's starting to get smaller now but as far as I know it's normal for your tummy to be big for quite a while after a c section. Please don't panic, you will get your figure back just give yourself a bit of time.
Just seen your update, who on earth tries to teach a baby to suck its thumb?! My ds is also a colicky screamer so I feel your pain.
Try colief for baby and nice wine for you!
Wafflepuss... ah, so it's not just me then?? about the thumb I mean??! I am honestly starting to doubt my judgment about a lot of things this evening... SIL is one of those domineering people who just does/says such outrageous things that you can be left thinking, did she REALLY just do/say that, and then wondering if you are the one who is being unreasonable for finding it a bit much...
What a knobhead.
I remember someone saying 'oooo, you've still got a bump' about 2 months post-birth. I wanted to thump her.
Congratulations on your squishy new baby, I'm very jealous! In fact, when I saw a friend of a friend the other day who still has her post-baby bulge, I was jealous of that too!
<sneaks in gives unmumsnetty hug>
<sneaks out >
I think it is fair to say that your SIL is a twunt, and anything she says about you, your body, and your baby can be completely ignored!
What a nasty cow.
You will shrink back, never fear. (It took me around 6 months after vaginal delivery, but I tend towards the saggy!) Whereas your SIL will still be a nasty cow no matter how long post-partum she is.
You say you thought you were looking OK to have this amount of tummy after birth, now you think that belief is stupid. Look at all the evidence though- one jealous person makes stupid comments, 70 others say your doing fine. If we look at this logically your sil is Wrong. She is the stupid one not you.
Ooh, missed the bit about colic. BIG hugs on that score, colic is the pits. DD had it for ages and I thought I was losing my mind. It's so stressful. You need to be extra kind to yourself if you're contending with that
and not anywhere near that unhelpful insensitive bitch of a SIL
My sis's tummy took ages to go down after both cs, mine was instant after natural, although kinda like a deflated balloon!
Now her dc are 1 and 4 she looks amazing, mine is 4 and I do not!
Ignore her, who on earth says that to anyone, let alone a new mother who is still probably a bit hormonal and a member of the family?!
Congrats on your new baby
Oh this is so normal. I was upset that I couldn't leave hospital in my trousers - not my pre pregnancy size tens (I wish) but the maternity trousers I'd been wearing at seven months!
Your sil sounds like a cow
She's vile. Did she have her compassion and common decency removed when they did her c-section?
If you feel up to it next time she goes on about how skinny she was post birth fix her with a look and say "actually I remember you being quite bloated looking for a long time afterwards. Months actually now I think about it".
You will slim down eventually. You didn't grow that baby overnight so you won't shrink back overnight either.
Ignore the cowbag for now and practice your aloof look and a withering "I really don't think so" for next time she comes out with some crappola about you or your baby.
This is definitely one for the MN classic question "did you mean to be as rude as that came out?" follwed by a silent stare.
She needs to get a TKN mindset:
Think. - is it...
If it hits 2 out of the 3 you can open your mouth. If not, zip it.
Have found this works as a pretty good rule of thumb, she might want to take note
Am joining you in a white
Sorry to hear your SIL is a twisted cow. It says a lot about her. I hope the wine was good!
Oh fgs. Your SIL sounds delightful. Please don't let her upset you like this and don't tell her she's upset you; if she's a bitch, which I suspect she is, she'll be pleased her remarks hit the spot, and if she so tactless she didn't realise her remarks would hurt then there's no point in telling her because she's obviously too stupid to understand.
In case she says anything again, have a reply prepared. I don't know your SIL but I can state categorically that her abdomen was not back to normal after 3.5 weeks after a cs.
You've had major abdominal surgery, your body needs to heal. Ignore this horrible woman and enjoy your lovely new baby.
Thanks MN, I am really overwhelmed by such lovely comments and good advice. I will re read in the morning when I hope I will feel a bit more human... If I can get some sleep...!
what a bitch , talk about kick you when you are down .
Tell her to piss off! If she says it looks funny again say " so does ur bleeding face now get over it " Xxx
How horrible! I couldn't forgive her for saying that.
Please don't worry, she sounds like the unusual one (although it sounds like she is lying anyway and just being nasty)
Fwiw my pregnancy, vaginal birth, breastfeeding all were completely textbook and I still looked pregnant until around a month and then my belly was still much bigger than usual for many months afterwards. Still needs a bit more toning nearly 2 years later but it is not a priority right now.
Also it is pretty normal to be in maternity clothes at this time as well!
You aren't meant to be worrying about this at all yet so stay away form her and don't invite her around. Speak to your midwife/gp for reassurance and advise as well.
she is a nasty bitch but check if you have separated abdominal muscles. . mid wife casually mentioned it to me also saying i now had the baby and the bump
I reckon she's jealous that you have a beautiful newborn baby and so the focus has moved away from her baby, so she's being rude to you in a childish attempt to focus negativity onto you. Petty, bitchy behaviour. Rise above it, what a cow bag!
Not sure if this is helpful, but I just read about your babies colic. A few of my friends found learning a bit of baby massage really helped with colic. Maybe worth finding a local class? good luck
You poor thing, the first few weeks after birth are so emotionally vulnerable, it's hard to stand up for yourself because you're so exhausted.
You're sil is a nasty bitch, don't bother with politeness toward her, tell her she's no longer welcome at your home due to her rudeness. Don't let her anywhere near you until you feel healthy and strong enough to stand up to her bullying and tell her to fuck off. When in a few weeks/months, you are up to being in the same vicinity as her be sure to say something like 'oh sil you've gotten such deep lines around your eyes/gained so much weight/gotten jowls since I last saw you'
Btw, you're stomach is probably still swollen, it can take a few months to go back to normal. So please don't worry yourself, you're still recovering from major abdominal surgery and it's early days yet!
What did your brother say?
I think I'd have told my brother to take her out of my house because if he didn't I couldn't be held responsible for my actions!
Stupid fucking nasty cow.
Please don't let her set you back. Tomorrow is another day and you have a georgous baby to cuddle! I hope her colic settles soon - it is unbelievably draining dealing with a colicky baby
You know, 9 months post-partum is about the time I could really start to shift the weight. Most of it just melted away but I did do a bit of exercise (walking) and spent a couple of weeks eating less junk food.
My abs did do that separation thing and it took a while for them to mend. Running and walking helped a lot with that. Just being more active.
I have never had a ED and so I can't really address that in any meaningful way, but I hope that you can get help with that. It's normal to be bummed about having a belly post-partum, but there is a difference between that and feeling really shitty because you have issues with your body image. I am so sorry that this fucking bitchface has triggered this shit for you.
Gosh what a cow.
Everyone is different post partum. I lost my bumps immediately so looked slim but in reality, I was left with a tragic empty pouch that I could swing from side to side!
Most of my friends had the gradually shrinking bump scenario, much less alarming imo.
How are you this morning, OP?
What a sour cow SIL is. She probably was just the same as you - it is amazing how soon one forgets, and how soon the swelling does retreat. I still definitely looked pg at about 3m pp and will never lose the jelly belly I don't think. But I have my children instead, who are a zillion times better than washboard abs.
You are quite rightly concentrating on your new baby. Don't have people round you who make you feel like shit.
Also, three weeks pp is a bad time for hormones more generally, and recovery is still very early. Remember that in generations gone by you would only just have been released from the maternity hospital; in other cultures you wouldn't be allowed out of bed yet, section or no section.
Please don't feel insecure about your body. It is wonderful and beautiful and it supported your gorgeous baby for nine months and will continue to do so. I was huge for months after my first c-section , not least because I could barely walk, let alone exercise for weeks. I have only just returned to my pre-pregnancy weight this year, 6 years after my first baby.
Your SIL is a bitch. She sounds like one of those women who can only make herself feel good by criticising other women. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but I would be tempted to go along the lines of "Isn't it fabulous to not have to worry about my weight for a while, I have a really good excuse for it now! You know my history, and so I'm sure you can understand how refreshing it is to not care for a while."
I hate to add a negative note to the conversation, but when I was breastfeeding even a sip of wine made my DC colicky. It may not be the case for everyone, obviously, but worth thinking about.
Feed baby. Jiggle baby. Give to SIL to hold. Hope baby vomits on SIL? Tell her to fuck the fuck right off
Ignore, or use the classic "Did you mean to be so rude?"
I was swollen for a while after my C-Sec but things did settle down. If you are naturally slim then any bulges of this kind will look worse, particularly so to you, as you'll have a birds-eye view.
And do not try to diet. Just let your body heal, and regain strength.
Then you'll be strong enough to punch her in the face
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