To think it was insensitive to have said this about my post baby body and be a bit upset??

(97 Posts)
emeraldgirl1 Sat 06-Apr-13 19:25:19

I had a c section 3.5 weeks ago.
My SIL has just come round and gone on and on about ow I 'still look five months pregnant' and how this 'didn't happen' with her after her c section.

sad

She kept looking at me from different angles and saying, 'it's just really weird, your tummy still looks pregnant!'

I would have told her (politely) to bugger off but I was too upset to get into it so just left the room.

.i am sleep deprived and have struggled with eating disorders and body image issues previously (SIL knows this) and feel very sensitive on this matter.

I am now worried that I have got totally wrecked stomach muscles from the c section and that they will never be normal ever again sad

Could it be my uterus not contracting down yet?? I haven't been able to breast feed (Been feeling rubbish about this too... SIL also knows this...) and so wonder if my tummy is still protruding from sticking out uterus. Possible??

I probably do look v pregnant still, I am overall quite skinny but do still have a big bulging tummy. I had been feeling better about it these last few days as I thought it was improving and now I feel really really shit.

sIL not known for her sensitivity but this is a bit much. I may just be hormonal and tired but I feel rubbish now and just want to hide away because I feel like a freak.

bigbuttons Sat 06-Apr-13 19:26:22

what a fucking cow she is. I'd keep her out of your house if i were you.

anonymosity Sat 06-Apr-13 19:27:05

You will be fine. She is a complete bitch. When you're rested and feeling stronger you can tell her to fuck off.

Lovelygoldboots Sat 06-Apr-13 19:27:40

What a twat, keep her at arms length.

What. A. Bitch. Regardless if you have or have not shrunk yet, she is unbelievably insensitive. FWIW, it took ages for my tummy to shrink back after my CS. You probably notice because you are slim to start with. I wasn't smile

emeraldgirl1 Sat 06-Apr-13 19:28:39

I have gone upstairs and left them all to it.
I feel really really miserable and embarrassed. I made an effort to look nice for this evening and now I just feel like I am fat and pregnant looking.

IShallCallYouSquishy Sat 06-Apr-13 19:29:08

I had my DD 10 months ago and still look about 4 months pregnant!

What a bitch. Unless you had a sneaky tummy tuck during your c section how on earth are you expected to not have a tummy 3.5 weeks after giving birth?

ENormaSnob Sat 06-Apr-13 19:29:16

Sil is a cunt.

quietbatperson Sat 06-Apr-13 19:29:32

What a fucking witch!

Snoopingforsoup Sat 06-Apr-13 19:30:07

Nasty cow. Ignore her.
She's clearly jealous about something to feel the need to do that!

emeraldgirl1 Sat 06-Apr-13 19:30:14

Thanks everyone.
I am now pathetically googling 'uterus shrinking' to see if I am 'normal' or not!!!

McNewPants2013 Sat 06-Apr-13 19:30:20

Ignore her or better still say did you mean to be so rude.

KatyTheCleaningLady Sat 06-Apr-13 19:30:39

She's an utter heinous cunt.

emeraldgirl1 Sat 06-Apr-13 19:31:36

Am going to go back downstairs and get a very large glass of very old white wine

TaggieCampbellBlack Sat 06-Apr-13 19:31:39

3 weeks????????

Mine is still there after 15 bloody years. I am a greedy pig though.

Anyway. Your SiL is an insensitive cow.

emeraldgirl1 Sat 06-Apr-13 19:31:48

Cold not old!!

cathpip Sat 06-Apr-13 19:32:02

I looked 6 months pregnant post c section, your sil is truly awful and don't worry it does go down. Enjoy your evening and im sure you look fabulous smile

Littleturkish Sat 06-Apr-13 19:32:24

BITCH.

I had a baby four weeks ago and without hyperbole, would feel suicidal if someone said this to me- I too have ED history and lay awake at night struggling with my post baby body, hating myself for even caring.

Ignore her, she's being deliberatly hateful. I BF and uterus has gone back down but I still have a pregnant looking tummy. It's normal. It will go back. So will yours, I promise.

TaggieCampbellBlack Sat 06-Apr-13 19:32:38

Swerp the whole flipping bottle up. And the baby and retreat to your room.

buggerama Sat 06-Apr-13 19:34:14

It takes ages for a c section tummy to go down. And I have had 3. It took me 2 years to feel like ME again after my 3rd. I dont know if I am unusual or not, but after the swellling goes down, then I needed to lose the weight and it felt like all my organs were in the wrong place. Anyway, it took ages for me, ignore the silly bitch, you are in a vulnerable place post cs. This is just the exact opposite of what people should say to you right now. I'm sure you look just as you should right now

HavingALittleFaithBaby Sat 06-Apr-13 19:34:22

You've just had major abdominal surgery. There's probsbly a fair amount of swelling there! She is a cow. When you've composed yourself a bit I'd say to her the MN classic Did you mean to be so rude?!

KayHunt Sat 06-Apr-13 19:34:50

fucking hell, go and point out that her nose is bloody huge and she should get it sorted.

Enjoy your wine and don't stress. It's quite normal to have to wait for your body to return to it's new shape, you've had 9 months worth of growing inside there.

FarBetterNow Sat 06-Apr-13 19:35:43

She is a bitch.

Ignore her.

You will be slim again.
I agree with Mrs Terry, your tummy may appear to be bigger than it really is as the rest of you is skinny.
Hope that makes sense.

It will go down on it's own, don't do any dieting - you need all your energy to cope with the lack of sleep.

The celebrities who get their figure back with a week of giving birth are mental (IMO).

Eebahgum Sat 06-Apr-13 19:35:46

it's perfectly normal. Mine looked like that too and then gradually shrank. I reckon you should make it very clear to her how much she's upset you. Insensitive cow.

Ignore, ignore, ignore.
She is a cow, and almost certainly a lying cow!

You've had major surgery, please try and forget her comments (hard I know), relax and enjoy your lovely new baby. Congratulations by the way!

pollyblue Sat 06-Apr-13 19:37:25

four days after i had my twins by section my mum said 'you look like there's another one still in there'. Gee, thanks for that....
I was still very pregnant looking a good month later and heading back to my old size about 4 months later.
So tell your SIL to (politely) piss 'orf grin

What did your DH say?

Feel free to challenge her - say something like 'I feel hurt and offended when you make personal remarks about my appearance, please stop it' . Repeat once or twice if she keeps on. The third time do shout 'stop being so rude, please leave now' and show her the door.

You don't have to put up with rudeness from anyone.

TheBigJessie Sat 06-Apr-13 19:37:44

Well, this kind of stupidity is why a glittering career is obstetric surgery does not await your SIL. I don't think I've ever said this before on MN, but your SIL is a bitch!

Ask your midwife or GP about the uterus; Dr Google never makes yus feel better and never properly identifies real issues, either. Lose/lose situation!

You poor, poor thing. Your sil is an evil, jealous cunt.

Op, you'll be fine - it's been THREE weeks - all sounds perfectly normal to me.

Fwiw, I've had 3 babies, I've also been very big - at my largest 18 stone. I had a small (16 month) gap between my last 2 and was very greedy - gained huge weight. I was very pregnant looking 2 months after giving birth (I was asked when was I due etc)

Youngest is now 22 months and I'm a size 10 with, to be honest, very little effort. I probably have the best figure I personally have ever had.

You'll be fine

Lovelygoldboots Sat 06-Apr-13 19:39:42

You need time to heal. Talk to your doc at six week check. Three weeks is no time to recover from a c section. She really is being a bitch. Congratulations on your new baby. You really don't need this shit.

PurpleStorm Sat 06-Apr-13 19:41:15

SIL was being very very rude and insensitive.

AFAIK, it's perfectly normal to still have a bigger tummy 3.5 weeks after the baby's born.

But ask your midwife / GP if you really are worried that your uterus hasn't contracted as it should. Not google.

Viviennemary Sat 06-Apr-13 19:41:30

What an idiot she sounds. Keep her away for a while. Who wants to listen to this kind of nonsense. I got back to being slim fairly reasonably quickly after being pregnant. I'm not slim now though. grin

Wishfulmakeupping Sat 06-Apr-13 19:41:51

She's sounds like a total twat. Ignore her spiteful cruel comments- she enjoy the fact she must be a very sad and bitter person to have to put others down to make herself feel better
And congratulations

Booyhoo Sat 06-Apr-13 19:42:11

please please please do not listen to her.

what horrible person she is. quite honsetly i'd tell her to leave. how dare she come to your home and treat you like that. and there is no way she is that thick that she wont know how hurtful that will have been.

angry for you.

Lambethmum Sat 06-Apr-13 19:45:39

3 weeks is nothing! I was asked by a stranger if I was pregnant again at 7 months after my second - I am slim elsewhere but it's taken 14 months for my stomach to look almost normal again

whirligiggle Sat 06-Apr-13 19:47:10

Ignore her, she is either being deliberately hurtful, in which case she's a poisonous cow & doesn't deserve to be listened to; or it was a thoughtless comment & she just doesn't realise how hurtful she has been. I totally sympathise re the ED, body image etc. Probably she just felt randomly vindictive & you were an easy target.

babyradio Sat 06-Apr-13 19:47:23

What a horrible thing to say.

Enjoy your wine and if she says anything else about your body just tell her to bugger off!

PenelopeChipShop Sat 06-Apr-13 19:47:47

What an utter bitch!
Please ignore her. I know it is so hard when you're do so hormonal but this isn't worth paying attention to. I am quite sure I still looked 5 months pg 3 weeks post CS!! It does take a while to go down, this is very normal. CS mums can't be mobile so quickly, plus there is swelling from the op and as you say your uterus is still contracting. Only a month ago it was your baby's home. It isn't going to snap back in that quickly!

Congratulations in your lovely baby, ignore your idiot SiL!!

YellowandGreenandRedandBlue Sat 06-Apr-13 19:50:17

I'd just send her out of the house. Excessively mean. She presumably has some deep-rooted issue making her say it but thisis not your problem.

CSIJanner Sat 06-Apr-13 19:52:24

You're not being overly sentive at all! She's being a bitch.

Is anyone else going to place money on the fact that SIL is actually jealous of how good Emerald looks 3.5 weeks after a c-section and really, inside, is gnawing at her own liver with jealousy?

Gigondas Sat 06-Apr-13 19:52:30

What a cow- why is your dh giving her house room and not saying something?

It took me months to get tummy back and I am slim everywhere else. It isn't like normal pregnancy cos of surgery effect. Looking about 6 months gone for months after is normal.

Enjoy the wine and a lovely baby snuggle .

I am also slimmer than ever post 2 kids so it is not permanent.

FanjoForTheMammaries Sat 06-Apr-13 19:53:55

You prob have some swelling, just ignore her smile

MyNameIsAnAnagram Sat 06-Apr-13 19:53:58

3.5 weeks after giving birth (whatever type of birth) it is completely normal to still look 5 months pregnant. Your sil is clearly a bitch.

woopsidaisy Sat 06-Apr-13 19:58:02

She is a complete cow, OP. and IMO people who do this are doing it to make themselves feel better, as she is jealous. You look fab and she wishes she had looked so good!

My mum told sniggered and said you don't look as though you have had the baby yet....3 days after DS3!!!
I used the old mumsnet favourite "Did you mean that to sound so rude?" She was absolutely shocked that I had said that, and said "That wasn't very nice!" to me!!!!!

You have a gorgeous snugly little bub that you are perfect for. Forget those losers.

xigris Sat 06-Apr-13 19:59:11

Oh my goodness! What a Category A bitchtwat! Ignore, ignore, ignore. My eldest is 6 and my youngest is 3.5 months. I still get regularly asked when I'm due. Why the hell do people do this to new mums (whether it's their first or 14th?) it's just unbelievable. This is her problem and not yours! At 3.5 weeks post section you're still well in the post natal period plus you've had major surgery. Not that many years ago you'd still be in hospital. Next time ( if you ever deign to see the hag again) just sweetly reply, 'yes, but I'm young, I'll get back to my pre baby figure if and when I decide. Shame it's too late for you' Harsh maybe but she's hardly Miss Congeniality! Congratulations on your baby! And please don't stress flowersbrew

emeraldgirl1 Sat 06-Apr-13 20:00:09

Thanks so so much for nice words everyone. Really really has helped.
DH isn't here, he is off getting takeaway...
It's my brothers wife not my DH's sister...

MrsLion Sat 06-Apr-13 20:00:18

She is a spiteful bitch. Do not take any of these comments to heart. 3 wks pp after dd1 a friend took me down the road for a quick coffee and we bumped into someone she knew- even though I had tiny DD next to me she said whilst staring open-mouthed at my tummy "how come you've got such a huge stomach?"

It is so unnecessary and very hurtful.

I had 3 CS, my body reacted slightly differently each time, but I had a huge stomach in the very early days too. Its normal- do not let this dreadful woman near you for a while.

MummytoKatie Sat 06-Apr-13 20:02:31

I read somewhere that it takes 9 mo ths for your body to grow the baby so you should expect it to take 9 months for it to get back to its previous shape afterwards.

SybilRamkin Sat 06-Apr-13 20:03:21

Please don't worry, you're completely normal. Swelling takes time to go down, and your uterus needs more time to contract than for a vaginal birth (although to be honest, it would still be normal for you to have a protruding abdomen after a vaginal birth after 3.5 weeks!). Your SIL is either totally lacking in empathy or a complete b**ch!

SatsukiKusukabe Sat 06-Apr-13 20:05:41

she sounds awful. ask your dh to tell her to fuck if you're not up to it

SatsukiKusukabe Sat 06-Apr-13 20:13:43

oh just read it was your brothers wife not dhs sister. In that case I feel passive aggressiveness is the way forward.

if she is older than you
"yes, but it was suuuuuuch a long time ago can you actually remember exactly when it went down? "

if she has given birth recently;
"no, trust me, you were huge too, but it's mostly gone now, don't worry" (smile sweetly)

Sheshelob Sat 06-Apr-13 20:19:09

My son is 17 months old and I'm still packing more than my fair share around my middle. And I didn't have a c-section and I breastfed.

The problem isn't your belly, it's that your SIL is a complete arsehole.

Tell her to shove it up her perfectly formed arse. Bastard.

starfield Sat 06-Apr-13 20:21:32

Her lack of empathy is going to make her very lonely.

HungryClocksGoBackFourSeconds Sat 06-Apr-13 20:21:46

My DD is 2 and I'm still using the baby weight excuse!

Congrats on your little one OP flowers

Onetwothreeoops Sat 06-Apr-13 20:28:25

There isn't a problem with your body, there is a problem with her. Whatever problem that is its most certainly not yours so don't let her put it on you. She should be ashamed of herself.

MrsBombastic Sat 06-Apr-13 20:32:41

She sounds jealous to me?

She knows your issues and she is deliberately trying to upset you, which is, TBH just plain cruel.

You've had major abdominal surgery, it takes time for your body to heal and settle down, in total it takes 2 years for your body to fully recuperate from having a baby so please do not punish yourself.

When and only when you are ready, start some gentle exercise, I recommend yoga and pilates, some swimming.

You can get your body back in good shape but it takes time and effort, no your body won't be exactly the same as it was so here's a very warm welcome to the mum's club :-D

Please waste no more time on this spiteful cows remarks. x

CSIJanner Sat 06-Apr-13 20:36:47

Sorry - had to come back to this. Did your DB not pull her up on this? If you don't want to bring it up with her now, have a word with him. She needs to be told she's just upset you.

Utter cow

OrangeFootedScrubfowl Sat 06-Apr-13 20:38:28

She might not be a bitch. Some people just lack tact and sense. Ignore her anyway.

Mugwatch Sat 06-Apr-13 20:44:38

What a bitch. My midwife was saying how good I looked after a week and my mum piped up "she was a size 10". I had put on a shitload 4 stone of baby weight. The midwife gave her a death stare and said "she will be again" I could have kissed her. It took me a while but I am, you will be bak to your normal size in time, don't rush it just enjoy your baby.

sannaville Sat 06-Apr-13 20:49:59

I've had two sections its all swelling don't worry. Tell her at least your swelling will reduce but she will always be a Bitch!

AlanMoore Sat 06-Apr-13 20:51:18

I'm guessing that your baby is MUCH cuter than hers. She's a fucking cow, ignore her. Don't stress about your figure, I know it's hard but be patient and take good care of yourself and enjoy the baby - s/he and your health are what matters.

Tell your DH what she said for some back up. Any more nonsense he can chuck her out.

sannaville Sat 06-Apr-13 20:51:48

I've had two sections its all swelling don't worry. Tell her at least your swelling will reduce but she will always be a Bitch! Anyway babies like to snuggle up on mummies squidgy tummies! I couldn't BF dd1 either, managed for dd2 but stil felt guilty for dd1 . Try not to stress just enjoy your baby and keep visiotrs to A minimum

MyHusbandRoy Sat 06-Apr-13 20:53:00

What a bitch.

I had to have physio after my c section (bad back/pelvis) and the physio lady said that it takes 9 months for your body to grow and it will take at least 9 months for it to go back.

Don't forget that on top of your organs etc shifting back into their normal place, your body is also knitting all your nerves/muscle/skin back together.

Loislane78 Sat 06-Apr-13 20:56:16

Totally unacceptable to EVER say this to a new mum.

It will go down, fear not smile. Don't you sometimes get a painful shoulder after C-sections? Perhaps your arm might involuntarily jerk out and accidentally give your SIL a slap - "just another side-effect what can I say, sorry about that" smile

Bumbolina Sat 06-Apr-13 20:58:06

What a bitch! 9months on 9 months off.... at least... plus a bit!!

Buddhagirl Sat 06-Apr-13 21:00:43

Takes a while for it to go down, 3.5 weeksis nothing, do not let her take you back to body issues!

emeraldgirl1 Sat 06-Apr-13 21:10:25

Thanks so much again everyone, it is so nice of you all to take the time to post nice things!!!

Annoyingly it IS taking me back to old body issues... partly because I just feel like my usual confidence has been swept out from under me because I thought I was looking all right and now I think I was being stupid.

I know it takes 9 months to come off... I had come to terms with the fact that I wouldn't look my 'normal' self for months just yet... but I was feeling as if I was doing well for where I was, IYSWIM, and now I feel like I was kidding myself.

None of my anger with SIL is helped by the fact that prior to saying this she was holding my baby and attempting to shove her (the baby's) fingers into her (the baby's mouth) while saying, "Find your thumb, darling!" and telling me that her children had always sucked their thumbs and she would 'encourage' me to get my DD to do the same... I have no issue whatsoever with people's children sucking their thumbs but I personally would rather DD didn't if at all possible... and if she is going to such her thumb then fine but let it be HER choice and not because she was having her fingers shoved into her mouth by a stranger!!! [anger]

I am kicking myself for not saying anything at that point (I just took DD away) because now I feel like a pushover as well as a bulging-tummied freak!!

Not a good day. DD is crying with colic at the moment as well which is probably making everything seem more awful.

Wafflepuss Sat 06-Apr-13 21:13:16

I had a section 8 weeks ago and my tummy was still very big until 2 weeks ago. It's starting to get smaller now but as far as I know it's normal for your tummy to be big for quite a while after a c section. Please don't panic, you will get your figure back just give yourself a bit of time.

Wafflepuss Sat 06-Apr-13 21:15:47

Just seen your update, who on earth tries to teach a baby to suck its thumb?! My ds is also a colicky screamer so I feel your pain.

AlanMoore Sat 06-Apr-13 21:17:00

Try colief for baby and nice wine for you!

emeraldgirl1 Sat 06-Apr-13 21:17:35

Wafflepuss... ah, so it's not just me then?? about the thumb I mean??! I am honestly starting to doubt my judgment about a lot of things this evening... SIL is one of those domineering people who just does/says such outrageous things that you can be left thinking, did she REALLY just do/say that, and then wondering if you are the one who is being unreasonable for finding it a bit much...

What a knobhead.

I remember someone saying 'oooo, you've still got a bump' about 2 months post-birth. I wanted to thump her.

Congratulations on your squishy new baby, I'm very jealous! In fact, when I saw a friend of a friend the other day who still has her post-baby bulge, I was jealous of that too!

SatsukiKusukabe Sat 06-Apr-13 21:19:07

<sneaks in gives unmumsnetty hug>

<punches sil>

<sneaks out >

Thurlow Sat 06-Apr-13 21:20:16

I think it is fair to say that your SIL is a twunt, and anything she says about you, your body, and your baby can be completely ignored!

Fishandjam Sat 06-Apr-13 21:21:40

What a nasty cow.

You will shrink back, never fear. (It took me around 6 months after vaginal delivery, but I tend towards the saggy!) Whereas your SIL will still be a nasty cow no matter how long post-partum she is.

Buddhagirl Sat 06-Apr-13 21:25:07

You say you thought you were looking OK to have this amount of tummy after birth, now you think that belief is stupid. Look at all the evidence though- one jealous person makes stupid comments, 70 others say your doing fine. If we look at this logically your sil is Wrong. She is the stupid one not you.

Fishandjam Sat 06-Apr-13 21:25:37

Ooh, missed the bit about colic. BIG hugs on that score, colic is the pits. DD had it for ages and I thought I was losing my mind. It's so stressful. You need to be extra kind to yourself if you're contending with that and not anywhere near that unhelpful insensitive bitch of a SIL

sapphirestar Sat 06-Apr-13 21:26:50

My sis's tummy took ages to go down after both cs, mine was instant after natural, although kinda like a deflated balloon!

Now her dc are 1 and 4 she looks amazing, mine is 4 and I do not!

Ignore her, who on earth says that to anyone, let alone a new mother who is still probably a bit hormonal and a member of the family?!

Congrats on your new baby smile

Oh this is so normal. I was upset that I couldn't leave hospital in my trousers - not my pre pregnancy size tens (I wish) but the maternity trousers I'd been wearing at seven months!
Your sil sounds like a cow

K8Middleton Sat 06-Apr-13 21:28:10

She's vile. Did she have her compassion and common decency removed when they did her c-section?

If you feel up to it next time she goes on about how skinny she was post birth fix her with a look and say "actually I remember you being quite bloated looking for a long time afterwards. Months actually now I think about it".

You will slim down eventually. You didn't grow that baby overnight so you won't shrink back overnight either.

Ignore the cowbag for now and practice your aloof look and a withering "I really don't think so" for next time she comes out with some crappola about you or your baby.

jackstini Sat 06-Apr-13 21:34:49

This is definitely one for the MN classic question "did you mean to be as rude as that came out?" follwed by a silent stare.

She needs to get a TKN mindset:
Think. - is it...
A True?
B Kind?
C Necessary?
If it hits 2 out of the 3 you can open your mouth. If not, zip it.
Have found this works as a pretty good rule of thumb, she might want to take note hmm

Am joining you in a white wine

changeforthebetter Sat 06-Apr-13 22:08:55

wine wine wine
Sorry to hear your SIL is a twisted cow.sad It says a lot about her. I hope the wine was good!

pigsDOfly Sat 06-Apr-13 22:47:11

Oh fgs. Your SIL sounds delightful. Please don't let her upset you like this and don't tell her she's upset you; if she's a bitch, which I suspect she is, she'll be pleased her remarks hit the spot, and if she so tactless she didn't realise her remarks would hurt then there's no point in telling her because she's obviously too stupid to understand.

In case she says anything again, have a reply prepared. I don't know your SIL but I can state categorically that her abdomen was not back to normal after 3.5 weeks after a cs.

You've had major abdominal surgery, your body needs to heal. Ignore this horrible woman and enjoy your lovely new baby.

emeraldgirl1 Sat 06-Apr-13 23:17:28

Thanks MN, I am really overwhelmed by such lovely comments and good advice. I will re read in the morning when I hope I will feel a bit more human... If I can get some sleep...!

shellbu Sat 06-Apr-13 23:29:17

what a bitch , talk about kick you when you are down .

seriouscakeeater Sun 07-Apr-13 00:00:33

Tell her to piss off! If she says it looks funny again say " so does ur bleeding face now get over it " Xxx

reneaa2 Sun 07-Apr-13 00:14:31

How horrible! I couldn't forgive her for saying that.
Please don't worry, she sounds like the unusual one (although it sounds like she is lying anyway and just being nasty)

Fwiw my pregnancy, vaginal birth, breastfeeding all were completely textbook and I still looked pregnant until around a month and then my belly was still much bigger than usual for many months afterwards. Still needs a bit more toning nearly 2 years later but it is not a priority right now.

Also it is pretty normal to be in maternity clothes at this time as well!

You aren't meant to be worrying about this at all yet so stay away form her and don't invite her around. Speak to your midwife/gp for reassurance and advise as well.

spiritedaway Sun 07-Apr-13 00:17:43

she is a nasty bitch but check if you have separated abdominal muscles. . mid wife casually mentioned it to me also saying i now had the baby and the bump

Illustrationaddict Sun 07-Apr-13 00:28:07

I reckon she's jealous that you have a beautiful newborn baby and so the focus has moved away from her baby, so she's being rude to you in a childish attempt to focus negativity onto you. Petty, bitchy behaviour. Rise above it, what a cow bag!

Illustrationaddict Sun 07-Apr-13 00:35:02

Not sure if this is helpful, but I just read about your babies colic. A few of my friends found learning a bit of baby massage really helped with colic. Maybe worth finding a local class? good luck

thezebrawearspurple Sun 07-Apr-13 00:41:47

You poor thing, the first few weeks after birth are so emotionally vulnerable, it's hard to stand up for yourself because you're so exhausted.

You're sil is a nasty bitch, don't bother with politeness toward her, tell her she's no longer welcome at your home due to her rudeness. Don't let her anywhere near you until you feel healthy and strong enough to stand up to her bullying and tell her to fuck off. When in a few weeks/months, you are up to being in the same vicinity as her be sure to say something like 'oh sil you've gotten such deep lines around your eyes/gained so much weight/gotten jowls since I last saw you'wink

Btw, you're stomach is probably still swollen, it can take a few months to go back to normal. So please don't worry yourself, you're still recovering from major abdominal surgery and it's early days yet!

ChippingInIsEggceptional Sun 07-Apr-13 00:42:43

What did your brother say?

I think I'd have told my brother to take her out of my house because if he didn't I couldn't be held responsible for my actions! angry

Stupid fucking nasty cow.

Please don't let her set you back. Tomorrow is another day and you have a georgous baby to cuddle! I hope her colic settles soon - it is unbelievably draining dealing with a colicky baby sad

KatyTheCleaningLady Sun 07-Apr-13 02:15:03

You know, 9 months post-partum is about the time I could really start to shift the weight. Most of it just melted away but I did do a bit of exercise (walking) and spent a couple of weeks eating less junk food.

My abs did do that separation thing and it took a while for them to mend. Running and walking helped a lot with that. Just being more active.

I have never had a ED and so I can't really address that in any meaningful way, but I hope that you can get help with that. It's normal to be bummed about having a belly post-partum, but there is a difference between that and feeling really shitty because you have issues with your body image. I am so sorry that this fucking bitchface has triggered this shit for you.

Bartlebee Sun 07-Apr-13 02:28:50

Gosh what a cow.

Everyone is different post partum. I lost my bumps immediately so looked slim but in reality, I was left with a tragic empty pouch that I could swing from side to side!

Most of my friends had the gradually shrinking bump scenario, much less alarming imo.

How are you this morning, OP?

What a sour cow SIL is. She probably was just the same as you - it is amazing how soon one forgets, and how soon the swelling does retreat. I still definitely looked pg at about 3m pp and will never lose the jelly belly I don't think. But I have my children instead, who are a zillion times better than washboard abs.

You are quite rightly concentrating on your new baby. Don't have people round you who make you feel like shit.

Also, three weeks pp is a bad time for hormones more generally, and recovery is still very early. Remember that in generations gone by you would only just have been released from the maternity hospital; in other cultures you wouldn't be allowed out of bed yet, section or no section.

Please don't feel insecure about your body. It is wonderful and beautiful and it supported your gorgeous baby for nine months and will continue to do so. I was huge for months after my first c-section , not least because I could barely walk, let alone exercise for weeks. I have only just returned to my pre-pregnancy weight this year, 6 years after my first baby.
Your SIL is a bitch. She sounds like one of those women who can only make herself feel good by criticising other women. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but I would be tempted to go along the lines of "Isn't it fabulous to not have to worry about my weight for a while, I have a really good excuse for it now! You know my history, and so I'm sure you can understand how refreshing it is to not care for a while."

I hate to add a negative note to the conversation, but when I was breastfeeding even a sip of wine made my DC colicky. It may not be the case for everyone, obviously, but worth thinking about.

Feed baby. Jiggle baby. Give to SIL to hold. Hope baby vomits on SIL?

Tell her to fuck the fuck right off

Ignore, or use the classic "Did you mean to be so rude?"

I was swollen for a while after my C-Sec but things did settle down. If you are naturally slim then any bulges of this kind will look worse, particularly so to you, as you'll have a birds-eye view.

And do not try to diet. Just let your body heal, and regain strength. Then you'll be strong enough to punch her in the face

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