' women are looking for friends, men are looking for fucks' aibu to be seeting.

(82 Posts)
parrelluniverse Sat 06-Apr-13 14:17:23

this gem was said to me a few days ago by a potential date. I had been speaking to him for about 2 weeks and until that point he had been lovely, we had a date arranged which has now been cancelled.

He had got a bit overly flirty, i had called him on it and that was his response, he was also cross at women, as they dont mean to be hurtful, but apparently they are, when the reject these ' fucks' or ' fuck advances'

degree educated, posh job, seemed perfectable respectable until this point.

I am still SO angry about this. I accept it is true, especially with online dating, i have enough experience to verify it, but it just makes me angry.
AIBU

WorraLiberty Sat 06-Apr-13 14:20:01

YABU to accept it and be so angry yes.

Having said that, plenty of women are looking for no stings sex too...but perhaps they aren't quite as up front about it?

parrelluniverse Sat 06-Apr-13 14:22:14

Im angry because he had said he was after a relationship, and spending time getting to know someone. Then he turns around and says that, he had actually no interest in getting to know me at all.

YouTheCat Sat 06-Apr-13 14:23:19

At least he let his guard down and you found out before you went on a date.

CheCazzo Sat 06-Apr-13 14:24:29

Well of course he said he was after a relationship! He was hardly going to open bidding with "I'm after a couple of fucks" was he?

YABU to get this would up about it. There are arseholes everywhere. You just met one. You can do nothing to change this.

Machli Sat 06-Apr-13 14:24:35

And you didn't already know this? wink

Unfortunately I think quite a high percentage of men have this mindset. I don't even try to meet anyone anymore as I am too fragile to deal with it.

After the third picture of someone's knob within a few days of exchanging numbers without ever having been on a date (all different men) I realised I am just not "with it" as far as dating is concerned in today's market.

parrelluniverse Sat 06-Apr-13 14:34:46

id expect more of someone in their mid 30's claming to want a relationship.

I did know it already, but its just kind of crap really. I have been dating ( and single) for a very long time, and because of this being the general attitude, i dont get anywhere. Its sad.

If he hadnt of said that, i would have met him, and then wondered why i didnt see him again, because i wouldnt have slept with him on a first date. Had i of slept with him, i can also guarantee i wouldnt have seen him, as he would have then deemed me a slapper. Cant win

ComposHat Sat 06-Apr-13 14:39:43

what a charmer! PIt it down as a narrow escape. Good thing about Internet dating is that you didn't waste an evening on this berk.

HairyGrotter Sat 06-Apr-13 14:40:18

I've been online dating on and off for 2 years. I had to keep stopping as my faith in humanity kept diminishing to dangerous levels. There are some fucking cranks out there, but you learn to spot them quickly and block them.

I've recently met a guy who is actually, dare I say it, normal?! We're only 4 weeks in and many dates down, but he's by far the most genuine, normal one I've met in years.

I wouldn't seethe on it too long, add to experience and crack on.

SoniaGluck Sat 06-Apr-13 14:41:09

Actually I don't think that you are being unreasonable in being angry. It is a duplicitous way of approaching the situation and a pretty disgusting attitude in general, IMO.

After the third picture of someone's knob within a few days of exchanging numbers without ever having been on a date (all different men)

And, as an aside, what the hell is this with sending photos of willies in order to attract a sexual partner? Do they really think it's a turn on? FFS.

I cannot think of anything that would put me off more unless it was admitting he had syphilis or something. hmm

Whaaaaaaaaat? hmm

Lovely man grin

Don't let it put you off the dating game! My mum's done internet dating for ages (mainlu plenty of fish) & whilst single atm she has met a few very nice blokes (after some serious sifting through wankers like that).

smile

HairyGrotter Sat 06-Apr-13 14:44:59

Oh and the cock pictures!! I send them on to mates and we all have a chuckle, I even let the men know I do that too, they hate that apparently?! Who knew wink

Machli Sat 06-Apr-13 14:46:01

grin I texted one back to say there was a big gang of us sat in the pub sniggering at his photo. He was furious!

FantasticDay Sat 06-Apr-13 14:46:13

Charming! Don't lose faith though. Met my dh on a dating site ten years ago. He's my soulmate. Good luck x

Machli Sat 06-Apr-13 14:47:50

Oh and the general consensus was "could be bigger".

parrelluniverse Sat 06-Apr-13 14:49:35

4years doing it and counting. not got lucky yet.

I know how the game works. im just continually surprised that men that behave this way actually function in life. because,come on, you just dont say that to someone, especially not someone you havent met.

and dont even start on the cock pictures. i had a montage once.

HairyGrotter Sat 06-Apr-13 14:50:17

I got sent one which was the UGLIEST penis I've ever seen, and I've seen a few, I showed it to anyone who would look, even my mum, who was appalled ha.

I sent him a message to advise him that, with a penis like that, it's best to leave the gruesome discovery to face to face communication, with a GP preferably. Oooo he got a right cob on ;) p,ay with them, it really can be fun

Machli Sat 06-Apr-13 14:51:28

I don't get the cock pictures I just don't. I wouldn't dream of sending a picture of MY equipment to some bloke I had exchanged a few texts with.

What a lovely man - not!

I met my fiancée on match over 3 years ago and I can honestly say he's perfect! We got engaged at Christmas and the wedding is next year.

There were a fair few oddities lurking when I first started online dating but thankfully you get a chance to weed them out!

drfayray Sat 06-Apr-13 14:52:12

Sigh...I posted something recently about online dating...I have given up...I too received the knob shots...really guys, that is NOT the way to get me interested.. plus you do realise we show these knob shots to our friends and laugh and laugh and laugh grin...

Oh one dude I met said that he was really interested in me and wanted to shag me but he needed to tell me that he had been given a gift...yes indeed...he had herpes...but I was not to worry as apparently I might not get it. hmm... my face was a picture....

I think YANBU to seethe...but accept it...hard to find a decent man...which is why I have given up and and am just doing stuff I love...

YouTheCat Sat 06-Apr-13 14:52:16

The correct response to a knob picture is: 'I've seen more meat on a chipolata' grin

YouTheCat Sat 06-Apr-13 14:54:04

Or 'Why have you sent me a picture of your finger?' wink

Gossipmonster Sat 06-Apr-13 14:55:38

Why would it bother you if he was "slightly flirty?" It is a dating site after all?

There are a lot of wankers on dating sites as there are in all walks of life. Just ignore them and move on.

I met OH on a very seedy dating site 4 yrs ago - we are now engaged and I am happier than I have ever been smile

There is someone for everyone and all that.

ComposHat Sat 06-Apr-13 14:55:45

or wow! I've never seen a veiny tic tac before.

HairyGrotter Sat 06-Apr-13 14:56:34

Herpes a gift? He must've been a very good boy to get such a gift. I've heard some cracking horror stories, you have to laugh or you'll just break down and cry sometimes.

I'm kinda sad I won't be receiving anymore cock pictures for the foreseeable future, they used to have us roaring with laughter

ChippingInIsEggceptional Sat 06-Apr-13 14:58:55

Sorry to hear that - it's so disappointing, apart from anything else isn't it.

I really really really wish MN would let us have that 'This is One Fuckwit you want to avoid' gallery!!

Knob shots, such a joke aren't they. I mean FFS there are very few that are 'nice looking' when you know the bloke they are connected to, let alone a random one! Most of them are not exactly attractive just useful on occasion

ChippingInIsEggceptional Sat 06-Apr-13 15:00:33

'The next series of Embarassing Bodies' is looking for men with ugly/small/weird penises' why not forward it to them? They might be interested - I'm certainly not!'

badbride Sat 06-Apr-13 15:00:36

plenty of women are looking for no stings sex too...

Sorry Worra, had to titter at your typo, I reckon pretty much all the women I know are looking for sex that doesn't sting grin

Am sorry you had a rotten experience, OP. But at least you found out what a ghastly little misogynist your date was before things went too far. A worrying number of men seem to regard women as being toys to service their sexual needs, rather than fellow human beings (and get angry when this is pointed out to them).

Nice blokes do exist and are well worth holding out for--I suppose the one advantage of online dating is that you can save yourself a lot of time and heartache by discounting anyone who sends you a picture of their willy...

parrelluniverse Sat 06-Apr-13 15:00:49

gossip. maybe i should have said more than slightly flirty... he went from slightly flirty to asking how i had my pubes, and then if i liked anal.
not on.
hence me calling him on it.
and then him getting cross at me, telling me women on dating sites always do this, he doesnt think they mean to be hurtful, but men dont handle rejection well, and i had rejected him and i needed to understand women look for friends, men look for fucks.

parrelluniverse Sat 06-Apr-13 15:02:05

and he didnt send me a cock shot, so we were doing quite well up until that point.

ENormaSnob Sat 06-Apr-13 15:03:47

My pal got the nob pics when she was newly single.

When they requested a pic in return she sent one of her dad wearing a bra grin

ScrambledSmegs Sat 06-Apr-13 15:10:59

Ew. That's not slightly flirty. That's grim!

I had to laugh at herpes being a 'gift' though. First time I've heard that one.

I have a lovely friend who's been Internet dating for a while. Apparently a lot of women are odd too. I believe one wanted a semen sample before she met him. Funnily enough he said no!

ScrambledSmegs Sat 06-Apr-13 15:13:45

... To be fair he suspected that a) she had other profiles up on the same site and b) 'she' wasn't a woman. Not sure why though.

drfayray Sat 06-Apr-13 15:15:53

It is the gift that gives on giving, doncha know? grin

drfayray Sat 06-Apr-13 15:16:14

KEEPS on giving..ffs!

YouTheCat Sat 06-Apr-13 15:16:35

Well that just sounds bizarre!

Maybe he/she was trying to open a sperm bank? grin

ScrambledSmegs Sat 06-Apr-13 15:18:55

Surely s/he would have needed the samples faster than via second class post, though?!

YouTheCat Sat 06-Apr-13 15:20:23

True.

Might not have been a very good sperm bank.

ScrambledSmegs Sat 06-Apr-13 15:21:57

grin

My theory was that he/she was a serial rapist/killer and wanted other men's semen to throw the authorities of the scent.

<may watch too much CSI>

TheNebulousBoojum Sat 06-Apr-13 15:30:31

He should have been more honest, like the bloke in the other online dating thread currently running.
He should have stated what he wanted, and the price in cash or goods he was prepared to meet to obtain what he wanted.
You know 'Fit athletic blonde with matching heart-shaped vajazzled muff willing to go on all expenses paid weekend to Paris. Minimum of 6 hours sex expected.'

WorraLiberty Sat 06-Apr-13 15:35:27

If someone sends you a photo of their cock, just tell them your one's bigger wink

ScrambledSmegs Sat 06-Apr-13 15:40:37

Or send them a bigger one you've already been sent before, Worra. Penis top-trumps.

ScrambledSmegs Sat 06-Apr-13 15:41:49

That would be a picture of a cock, of course. Sending a real one would be a whole different thing confused

CheCazzo Sat 06-Apr-13 15:47:12

It's a rare cock that doesn't look like the last turkey in the shop at Christmas! Why do men do this? What kind of deranged makes them think this is a winning move?

Gossipmonster Sat 06-Apr-13 15:50:10

Yes - that is more than slightly flirty grin

HairyGrotter Sat 06-Apr-13 15:50:25

See, I have asked this of men who have sent cock pictures, why, why do you do it? It is apparently a massive turn on for them? They can explain it no further. I'd like to discuss their childhood but apparently that isn't a turn on...

WorraLiberty Sat 06-Apr-13 15:52:23

grin @ penis top trumps

No idea CheCazzo, no idea...

CheCazzo Sat 06-Apr-13 15:53:36

It's a massive turn on for them? I believe there are ladies of a certain type who will, for the exchange of money, happily humiliate men face to face! Hell - I'd do it for free to anyone who sent me a picture of their appendage without so much as a 'by your leave' grin

VelvetSpoon Sat 06-Apr-13 15:58:53

YANBU to be annoyed. Any reasonable person would be!

It really irritates me when people come onto threads like this going 'oh you should stick with it, i had 3 terrible dates with men I met OD, then I met my DH...' and so on. Honestly when you've done this shit for YEARS you are allowed to feel annoyed with it, and despair of actually ever meeting anyone normal and well adjusted hmm After that length of time all the happy, fluffy stories of people who met someone within a month really don't help!

parrelluniverse Sat 06-Apr-13 16:06:07

i had a date on wednesday, he had appeared normal until the date, when he arrived, drunk, wouldnt look at me when he talked, until he got drunker, and the proceeded to talk about fetish and how he was a freak and what he would like to do to me, while staring at me.

I do despair.

He told me we get what we attract, which is just cocks in various guises.

of course everyone i know finds it hysterically funny, which it is. They also dont understand it and neither do i.

still fucked off at ' men are after fucks'

not even, im after sex with you, even that wouldnt have been offensive.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea Sat 06-Apr-13 16:08:41

Norma grin

Can't there be a website where everyone can post the pictures of the knobs they have been sent? Like an OD wall of shame?

or use the Mumsnet have you seen this topic

parrelluniverse Sat 06-Apr-13 16:10:37

Thing is, i dont even think they would care.... they would probably be proud of it.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sat 06-Apr-13 16:26:07

Parallel, if that's his hypothesis on life, depressing though it is, youd think he'd go one logical step further and think, "if I offer what women are looking for, I will later get what men are looking for."

It's almost as if he thinks what men want is more important than what women want.

Oh, hang on...grin

Hang on...he asked if you were into anal and what pubic style you had and when you objected to that he got pissy and said women always do this and reject him.
If this ALWAYS happens then why hasn't he realised it is HIM not them that is wrong.

I only got sent one knob picture when I was online dating. For some stupid reason I did meet and have sex with the owner. I can only assume he used zoomed in a lot as it was quite small in the flesh.

Icelollycraving Sat 06-Apr-13 16:35:59

Don't be upset or angry,that is a waste of energy.
I had similar experiences but also met dh online.
I had a lot of dates from it,you learn to sort the wheat from the chaff. One that I'd been in contact with for a while sent me a picture of him wanking in a fairly grim bathroom & asked for a picture of me back. I obliged.It's only fair.


I sent a text saying 'my pussy!
with a beautiful picture of my cat grin

parrelluniverse Sat 06-Apr-13 16:36:14

doctrine. yes, i know. makes no sense. he had said when we first got chatting that women never want to meet up with him, they just want to chat. I can see why now.

Its just depressing, thats all.
because sadly it is the attitude of most men.

Gossipmonster Sat 06-Apr-13 16:37:56

I used to get asked for "Pix" all the time and not of my face hmm.

Gave that Taio Cruz song a whole meaning for me.

Most men are sex pests in one way or another.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sat 06-Apr-13 16:48:33

Hmm. It does seem likely that men who wanted to send cock pictures or sexual questions to random women would consider dating sites as a good way to achieve that particular goal. So a higher proportion of these deviants could be expected on the sites than in the general population, I think

parrelluniverse Sat 06-Apr-13 18:16:56

andjust had another one.
chatted all day, really nice, funny. no red flags.
asked me out for monday, accepted smile
swapped numbers to arrange details, he asks if i want to see a pic of his bathroom, i say yes and he sends me one of him naked in it

WHY!!!

if it wasnt so depressing, i would laugh, but i just cant bring myself to anymore.

Trills Sat 06-Apr-13 18:19:17

I accept it is true, especially with online dating

I agree with Worra, YABU to accept that it is true.

As with all issues where men and women allegedly want different thing, some men want some things, some women want other things. Men and women are encouraged when the act as if they want the "stereotypical thing" and discouraged if they act as if they want the non-typical thing.

Trills Sat 06-Apr-13 18:19:51
SilverOldie Sat 06-Apr-13 18:26:48

Some men are strange, well a lot if I'm honest smile

I went out with a guy I worked with once, went back to his place, he disappeared and reappeared in the doorway saying ta da! He was stark naked except for his socks.

I burst into laughter, he got mad I left and we continued to work together without speaking.

parrelluniverse Sat 06-Apr-13 18:27:31

in my experince it is true. ive had more dates than that blog.....

two new numbers today, from nice, normal looking and sounding men.. lots of chat, all nice. dates asked for... numbers swapped to arrange details. cocks sent within an hour.

not on.

CoteDAzur Sat 06-Apr-13 18:30:03

YABU to be surprised by this. Surely, it's common knowledge that most men have a quick fuck in mind while most women are looking for friends when they talk to each other for the first time.

YANBU to ditch the rude bastard, though.

VelvetSpoon Sat 06-Apr-13 18:39:18

I think if you don't do OD, or you have only have nice experiences from it, men sending pictures of their pathetic appendages seems like it would be the exception. When in fact it would be far easier for me to list the men who HAVEN'T sent such photos, because almost all of them have. It is hugely disappointing when you're looking for a relationship to realise almost all men (including those who say thats what they want) are really just looking for a quick shag, or someone to send photos of their genitals to...

HairyGrotter Sat 06-Apr-13 18:43:09

I'm with Velvet, it really would be easier to list who HASN'T sent a picture of their cock, or hasn't turned the once pleasant conversation to smut. I've had messages from men telling me they've wanked over my photo, like I should be flattered.

The 'normal' one I've met is coming round in an hour, he's never sent a cock pic (he can't fathom why one would) but I shall show him this thread to prove that some OD men are fucking vile.

parrelluniverse Sat 06-Apr-13 18:43:15

cote, id like to think that actually, when someones been talking to me for a few weeks, with a view to meeting up and dating me, and in fact saying so, that a quick fuck isnt the only thing on their mind.

because, how else do relationships happen....

one that sent a pic, then sent a wanking video when i didnt respond. then when i didnt respond to that, got cross and instructed me to tell him what i wanted to do to it.

its very depressing actually.

parrelluniverse Sat 06-Apr-13 18:46:02

it is fucking vile, thats the only word for it.

vile and depressing, because, as he said ' men are just there for the fucks'

and dont even get me started on them telling you they have wanked over your picture. and before anyone says anything, these can be the most innocent pics you have seen.....

HairyGrotter Sat 06-Apr-13 18:49:17

I think him saying that is an injustice to the genuine men on there, and there are some. I hate to think that all men are in it for that, it's just too depressing.

I really find the whole 'wanking over your face' thing just laughably sad, I like to then send a detailed psychoanalysis (I'm a psychology and criminal behaviour graduate) to them in the hopes that it makes them feel some ounce of shame. I've never had one respond after that haha

OrangeFootedScrubfowl Sat 06-Apr-13 18:59:49

Are there any women willing to come here and say they like the cock photos? I mean, they must work sometimes, surely, or the men wouldn't carry on??

parrelluniverse Sat 06-Apr-13 19:06:48

i dont think its about that. i was talking to a man about it, he said its about dominance. sort of forcing it on a girl.
making her take it.

like in a porny way.

and then they get off on that. not what the reaction is.

MsTakenidentity Sat 06-Apr-13 19:09:31

Dusk falls over Pemberley. Mr. Darcy sits at his writing desk, quill pen in hand, and writes: 'Miss Bennet I love you. Most ardently. Please do me the honor of accepting my hand. In the meantime here is a delightful sketch of my magnificent'..... < ^ Miss Austen faints decorously, necessitating large dose of smelling salts ^ >

ScrambledSmegs Sat 06-Apr-13 19:23:21

Isn't it flashing via the internet? Definitely hoping for some sort of upset response, which they'll get off on.

I wonder is it illegal?

OrangeFootedScrubfowl Sat 06-Apr-13 19:25:03

Hmm parallel what a depressing sign then about the majority of OD men. Eugh.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sat 06-Apr-13 19:55:59

Agree - it's about these men pushing their sexuality onto a woman whether she's interested or not - it's not seduction, it's the equivalent of flashing or heavy breathing calls.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sat 06-Apr-13 19:57:39

Distribution of obscene materials, maybe?

OP, have you complained to the dating sites? It sounds like the lovely trolls we get here somewhat, posting to provoke, and maybe they can get banned.

ParsleyTheLioness Sun 07-Apr-13 19:10:12

Scrambled has it and others. It's flashing via the internet. It's not meant to turn you on, its what it does for them. In days gone by, they'd have gone to the park, now it's much easier for them. Horrible bastards. FWIW on my OD profile I have said I don't do the smutty talk. Doesn't stop some of them trying, but that's what the block button is for. I would block at the first sign of anyone showing too early an interest in how I dress my fanjo.

b4bunnies Sun 07-Apr-13 21:08:34

op, you didn't know that? its the first you've heard of it?
most educated men have a bit more discretion about it, though.

parrelluniverse Mon 08-Apr-13 11:03:36

ack, please dont make out im some kind of prude.. Yes, im not a fool, i do know that men like sex. heck, i like it too.
But for it to be put so bluntly, and being put above all else, well, its insulting.

For example, i was meant to have a date later today, all nice chat, then he texts last night to tell me hes having a wank over my pics. That is wht its like, all the time.
I had a massive go at him and asked if he would say that to a womans face, and he said no, course not. But its how you are treated when you do online dating, or in fact as a vaguley attractive single woman... just as a comodity. its not nice, and unless you have been on the recieving end of it, you wont know.

I know plenty of relationships where the men arent there ' just for the fucks' and im sure you would be highly insulted if your husband just shrugged and said that too. its not any different just because i happen to be single.

ParsleyTheLioness Mon 08-Apr-13 16:08:57

I don't think you are being prudish. It's bang out of order. First sign of any silliness though, and I block. Not worth trying to educate them.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Mon 08-Apr-13 16:30:49

YY parallel. The fact that bloke wouldn't say it To your face says plenty, doesn't it?

beautyfades Mon 08-Apr-13 18:06:22

Get rid!!!!!

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