To dislike attention-seeking "woe is me" facebook updates with no explanation

(83 Posts)
frogspoon Sat 06-Apr-13 13:15:36

Facebook friend has recently posted this update:

"Today has been absolutely heartbreaking. Sulking, wine and zombie films are required."

Several friends have responded to the messages by asking what is wrong. She has not bothered to respond to any of them.

AIBU to think there is probably nothing wrong and she is just attention seeking as usual. Surely if something bad actually had happened, she would explain. She does have a habit of posting these messages often, usually the outcome being that her boyfriend has a cold/ has gone away for the weekend etc.

malteserzz Sat 06-Apr-13 13:16:28

I hate this too either say what's wrong or don't post about it, very attention seeking

Labootin Sat 06-Apr-13 13:18:09

That makes me so sad

HollyBerryBush Sat 06-Apr-13 13:18:54

She has not bothered to respond to any of them

My mate does this - but in fairness she then has 25 windows on the go with inbox conversations.

I have learned not to respond unless it's at 5am, by which time she's usually doing something stupid like reaching for the tablets.

MrsKwazii Sat 06-Apr-13 13:20:24

This is a pet hate of mine too. The old "some people can be so hurtful!" Or "Is feeling sad" posts. I always ignore them, and if all the "Are you okay hun?" merchants did as well, maybe the attention seekers would pack it in.

flaminhoopsaloolah Sat 06-Apr-13 13:20:25

If it was something she did all the time, as you have pointed out, I'd probably ignore. I do know someone on FB who does this - and she has got a lot of problems and life and I do feel for her - but the cryptic comments several times a week does get wearing - I'd rather know off the bat so I can contribute in a helpful manner if the situation allows.

MrsDeVere Sat 06-Apr-13 13:21:01

Most of them just go over my head.
Occasionally there is one that does worry me and I know it worries others.
It is only polite to reassure people even if you don't leave an explanation.

lottieandmia Sat 06-Apr-13 13:21:19

Yes people do do this a lot

'so angry'
'had the worst day ever'

and then the ones which involve someone specific making everyone paranoid it's them

'If you have something to say, just say it to my face'

'Today I have found out who my real friends are' etc

LangenFlugelHappleHoff Sat 06-Apr-13 13:23:26

I had a fun one the other day.

Friends status update at 2.30 ish after being out on the town "I'm on a bridge"

An hour later after no replies "I'm on the bridge" at which point someone liked it! I almost spat my tea over my iPod.

Amazingly the status's were deleted by lunchtime!!

SomethingOnce Sat 06-Apr-13 13:23:29

YANBU. Very tiresome.

MrsDeVere Sat 06-Apr-13 13:23:51

BUT...I have a lot of bereaved parents on my FB friends and nearly all of us will post a 'just can't cope with this anymore' type statuses at some point.

Those of us who understand will leave a short message of support, a x or just the child's name.

None of us would do the 'whats up hun?' because we know whats up and what is required.

To outsiders those statuses would very probably look like annoying, attention seeking ones. The are not, they are an outlet.

HarrySnotter Sat 06-Apr-13 13:24:31

If it's out of character I would probably pick up the phone and see if she was OK.

But I have a friend who used to write (and similar)

'XXXX can't believe this is happening to me ...'

then you'd get a dozen

'what's up hun/babe/sweetie?

friend puts 'Oh I can't talk about it on here'.

Well don't fucking put it on facebook then!!

I have now hidden her posts so I don't see them anymore.

SayMama Sat 06-Apr-13 13:25:56

No, it's when a friend replies saying 'Aaw, what's up hun? X'
And the original cryptic poster writes 'Will inbox you hun, too many nosey parkers on here!'

< tears hair out > < screams >

SayMama Sat 06-Apr-13 13:26:42

X posts Harry!

HazleNutt Sat 06-Apr-13 13:26:49

Love the "If you have something to say, just say it to my face!"

Um...shouldn't you take your own advice and you know, tell the offender whatever you have to say to their face, instead of posting it on fb?

natwebb79 Sat 06-Apr-13 13:26:56

I can't stand it. Usually followed by a few hundred 'sup babz?' and 'k hun?'. Half the reason I've upset a fair few grown adults by 'deleting' them. Apparently the fact we speak regularly without issue doesn't count. Grrr!

HarrySnotter Sat 06-Apr-13 13:28:39

Maybe we have the same friends Mama! smile

EuroShaggleton Sat 06-Apr-13 13:44:39

Yep, intensely annoying and attention-seeking!

Snoopingforsoup Sat 06-Apr-13 13:57:19

Oh lord! Unfriend her. I can't bear this shit either!
Maybe you should just tell her she's a pain for doing this and she may stop!
I had one of those on my list and I found it a fascinating study of a 44 year old woman behaving exactly the same as she had when we were 18 and hung out together. She even created a new FB a/c as her other one had been hacked by an avenging ex! Yeah, right.

Snowsquonk Sat 06-Apr-13 13:59:36

Known in our house as "sympathy-baiting" and a pet hate of my teenage daughter who is fed up with girls her age posting pictures of themselves and saying "I'm so ugly" just so they get lots of "Awww hun your not your gorguss" responses....

Block or delete people like that!

I call them mood hoovers grin

mrsjay Sat 06-Apr-13 14:13:29

I normally respond aww no enjoy your wine/film/chocolate and hope you have a better day tomorrow I never ask what is wrong cryptic messages are usually people feeling bit lonely or deflated or unhappy and they just need a little 'there there' Obviously if they do it all the time I find the hide or delete button helps

mrsjay Sat 06-Apr-13 14:14:33

I find the teenage girls posts extremely sad snow i know it is annoying but they obviously have esteem issues, I always make sure my dds never post I am so ugly pictures on their facebook

meddie Sat 06-Apr-13 14:15:50

delete is your friend

kim147 Sat 06-Apr-13 14:18:23

I posted on my FB about how I was feeling recently and why.
No replies. No phone calls.

What was the point?

Mia4 Sat 06-Apr-13 14:25:29

YANBU. People who post statuses to attention seek also often do it to make passive aggressive digs. One of my relatives is guilty of this but in the last few weeks people who she's posting about have commented and told her straight. Pretty funny to watch her flounder, and serves her right. She's not a pleasant person and it's about time her friends clued in.

Sunnywithshowers Sat 06-Apr-13 14:34:46

YANBU. I have a friend like that. When I stopped doing the 'you okay hun?' type responses she blocked me from seeing all her status updates, except those in which she has tagged me. It's a terrible loss but I cope as bravely with it as I can grin

HairyGrotter Sat 06-Apr-13 14:36:12

YANBU, I cannot stand the attention seekers. I had one not long ago have passive aggressive digs for weeks, I just wound them up by not acknowledging it, and continue posting mundane shite.

I really hate the "I'll inbox you" ones, FUCK OFF NO ONE CARES AND IF THEY DO THEY NEED FUCKING HELP

Also hate grief vampires, I hate a lot of things, why am I even on there? I'm more a Twitter girl

NatashaBee Sat 06-Apr-13 14:40:20

YANBU... Drives me nuts!

Gossipmonster Sat 06-Apr-13 14:51:45

I sometimes post slightly frustrated things when I'm a bit pissed but always delete them in the morning grin.

I always try to write happy/funny status updates smile

I posted something cryptic last night. Never ever done it before actually. Don't know why I did it and I was not looking for replies. A good nights sleep sorted me out though.

YANBU. Drives me mad.

Other things I hate about facebook...

1) Ridiculous photo things about how kids grow up too fast/ "my daughter is my best friend" yada yada. I dont need to like a photo to prove I love my kids.

The person on mine who posts this crap is on FB all time yet she "prefers to spend time with her DD instead of texting, so cant keep in touch." ODFOD.

2) Stupid memes about horrendous crimes that require you to share if you agree about the horrendousness...err why? Will it undo the crime? I wont share that. Whatever happened to letting people RIP?

3) Rants about shit that I really couldnt give a shit about, like the workman being 20minutes late. Do get a life.

K8Middleton Sat 06-Apr-13 15:31:47

Just hide it or shed that friend.

I don't know why people get so angsty about FB when you can choose what you view and ultimately turn it off.

I'm not on FB - not properly anyway - but I think one of the best things about t'internet is support people can offer one another. Obviously cryptic messages where you really don't know what's going on have to be less helpful and more annoying to everyone.
Sometimes a few kind words can make a difference to someone's day though - or even at times to their life ?

BinksToEnlightenment Sat 06-Apr-13 15:49:37

I saw one once: I'm going to sit in the cupboard and cry. With my laptop.

Oh what, so we can all comfort you while you're in there! Bollocks to that!

MurkyMinotaur Sat 06-Apr-13 15:58:31

Mood Hoovers! Haha! Thanks for that new piece of terminology Fairydogmother!

Loulybelle Sat 06-Apr-13 16:02:20

I know one particular person who does that, how ill she is, how she hates her family, even saying she was gonna commit suicide, following by Hun answer you phone. so annoying.

StuffezLaBouche Sat 06-Apr-13 16:05:46


I hate the ones that are obviously really designed to get at one person (usually written by someone who gives it all that but hasn't the balls to sort things out face to face. Usually the kind of person who has about 80 ongoing feuds and vendettas.

"People in glass houses shouldn't be throwing stones....hmmm.....karma....!?"

Stupid people

SneakyNinja Sat 06-Apr-13 16:10:05

Yeah, I also find this annoying. As others have said though, it's only the 'What's up Huns?' followed by " I'll PM you" that actually fuck me off. Just ignore them or like the status.

SquirrelNuts Sat 06-Apr-13 16:11:42

Yanbu especially when they're asked what's wrong and they reply I'll inbox/text you I don't want everyone on here knowing my business hmm so don't put it on in the first place you attention seeking ....

MrsKwazii Sat 06-Apr-13 16:13:51

I agree with you MrsDV that where someone is dealing with a bereavement, illness or other difficult situation that sometimes you just need to say how you are and get some much-needed support. I think that's v different though to the drama llamaing that some people get up to.

HairyGrotter Sat 06-Apr-13 16:25:25

I'm all for supporting folk, but it's the ones who say 'RIP' on a status, then are asked 'Oh, I'm so sorry, who died?' then they say something like, 'Oh one of my 3rd cousins best mates, I never met them, but you know, it's terrible'...FUCK OFF, that's someones actual grief that you are not entitled to spout about on a public forum.


CelticPixie Sat 06-Apr-13 17:00:30

It's always the same people as well have you noticed? I hate when someone asks them what's wrong and they say something like, "I'll text you". It pure attention seeking and nothing else. I also dislike it when people will make little digs about people they know will probably be reading it.

HairyGrotter Sat 06-Apr-13 17:08:15

Yes, CelticPixie, I've noticed it's always the same people, usually really 'girlie girls' with little education and drama llamaling flailing about who post pictures of 'My nieces and nephews are like gems, repost if you agree'. Fuck off, really really fuck off.

I quite like the comfort I find in my anger toward such folks, I do hide or remove some, but some I keep just to make me feel the anger, I WANT TO FEEL ALIVE.

wifey6 Sat 06-Apr-13 17:23:33

I find this very annoying too. I have a few friends who do this. I have stopped responding to them.
A friend of mine also posted a picture of her positive pregnancy test, asking people if it was positive, then had over 20+ replies & congratulations, & replied with 'but we don't want anyone to know yet!'
She didn't delete the photo & wrote 'cryptic' updates about it for weeks!
Odd, very odd.

everlong Sat 06-Apr-13 17:28:24

It depends whether they have something to be really woeful about tbh.

Samu2 Sat 06-Apr-13 17:30:53


Vaguebooking sucks.

quesadilla Sat 06-Apr-13 17:31:48

I don't have FB friends like this thank fuck. Delete them, it sounds insufferably self centred.

SisterMonicaJoan Sat 06-Apr-13 18:10:12

I can't stand the ones that say "time for a friends cull" - the cue everyone piling in with "I hope it's not me!" or "please don't unfriend me!!!"

FFS if you want to defriend someone, just defriend them! No need for a big announcement. I just ignore them and I've not been defriended yet!!

CelticPixie Sat 06-Apr-13 18:19:20

It's difficult for me because some of the worst offenders are members of my own family. I have a cousin who has an on/off relationship with her child's dad and she is always posting thinly veiled attacks aimed at him, whilst at the same time sucking up to his family because she doesn't have anyone else the babysit the child ( she doesn't speak to her parents or sister, its a long story). She also deactivates her account a lot, will then return with a status saying "bet you all missed me" or something similar only to deactivate it again for a few weeks.

I'm also shocked at how many people will air their dirty laundry on there. One friend even admitted that she didn't know who her baby's dad was! Real Jeremy Kyle stuff I'm sure you'll agree?

AnyoneforTurps Sat 06-Apr-13 18:24:10

I'm with you wanna and I'll add ridiculous warnings about health/crime supposedly from " a cardiologist" or the police. I can't understand why apparently sane intelligent people share these usually ancient urban myths. There is enough misinformation out there without using FB to propagate it.

MrsDeVere Sat 06-Apr-13 18:24:28

I have someone who regularly says 'I am opening a new account and deleting this one so if you want to stay on my list please inbox me'

She has done it at least 4 times and I have never inboxed her yet I am still on her list confused

Loulybelle Sat 06-Apr-13 18:27:01

Mrs DV, i've had that alot, and the "tell me one think you like about me"

Latara Sat 06-Apr-13 18:30:38

One of my (heavily pregnant) colleagues has posted ''not well'' on her FB status today; there's been lots of ''awright hun, is the baby ok'' in reply from all my other colleagues, but she hasn't updated anyone.

So now people are really worried when she is probably enjoying her tea!

MySpecialistSubjectIsMN Sat 06-Apr-13 18:31:28

I have found that when something genuinely awful happens I don't have time for FB. However I know that is a personal preference and some do use it as an outlet.

Each to their own but I sometimes think stepping back from FB would sometimes be better than the outpourings I see, which should probably remain private, for both the person and their friends.

BinksToEnlightenment Sat 06-Apr-13 19:13:08

HairyGrotter, I know exactly what you mean grin

I have hate friends on facebook. They drive me batshit, but I couldn't bear to miss the opportunity for some righteousness indignation.

BananasInBikinis Sat 06-Apr-13 19:30:42

My sister is pretty bad for the cryptic updates. She will often just put a sad face " :-( " as her status update. Loads of people will say 'hope you're okay' etc,, but she never explains further.

She once did a very depressed sounding post, something along the lines of 'I don't know why I bother with life anymore, any time I try I just get kicked back down' or something. I phoned my Mum a bit worried, and it turned out her electricity bill was higher than usual. (Sister is wonderful in real life though).

manticlimactic Sat 06-Apr-13 19:35:42

One of my mates is like this. I remember being nosey and asking her via inbox, because normally if anyone asks she'll say I'll inbox you.

Her reply? Ah it's nothing and I wish people would stop asking me about it. She didn't like me saying stop putting it on FB if you don't want anyone asking, otherwise you look like a sad attention seeker. grin

KC225 Sat 06-Apr-13 19:44:10

HairyGrot: What is a grief vampire?

MyDarlingClementine Sat 06-Apr-13 19:45:36

Yes very annoying when anyone repeatedly posts anything when no one knows what they mean.

I just think you sad bored person really.

BegoniaBampot Sat 06-Apr-13 20:23:28

I think the thing about clearing accounts and inbox to stay friends is sometimes an automatic thing that goes out, not necessarily from the person.

None of my friends do these attention seeking things -well maybe one and I don't hide her as I find it a bit car cash fascinating.

MrsDeVere Sat 06-Apr-13 20:28:35

I have just done one blush

I have had the most dreadful day but I am not going to into details about it on FB. Just said I had an awful day. Lots of people just giving me XX. Which is very nice.

I don't want them to be worried about me though. I just wanted to say I had a bloody awful day.

But I can see how it might look.

Perhaps those attention seeking posts are not all as attention seeking as we think?

I dont know whats worse tbh, the ones who just post sad, or the ones who write a War and Peace sized saga about the trials of their lives!

I hate the pregnancy ones though as I always worry, especially if they then dont answer the phone angry

CelticPixie Sun 07-Apr-13 14:12:51

Well said cousin who I mentioned yesterday has decided to deactivate her account again today..... Until next week when she realises she's not getting any attention anymore and then she's back.

Whatisthepointoffriendships Sun 07-Apr-13 14:56:19

Lol at mood hoovers!

I have a fb friend who is very attention seeking. Lots of cryptic statuses,and duck faced photos in front of the mirror which get lots of 'oh wow Hun you are gorgeous' comments. Also she brags and puts photos on of stuff she buys. She is 40 and I'd say my 14 year old is more mature than her.

YouTheCat Sun 07-Apr-13 15:01:43

It is only attention seeking if you do it often.

I also hate the facebook 'check in' - so and so is at A & E etc. Cue lots of 'Hope ur ok hun xxx' and stuff.

I have some on there who practically live in a and e it would seem.

Whatisthepointoffriendships Sun 07-Apr-13 15:03:49

I hate the a&e check ins too. And then often the person won't come back to answer the questions asking why they are there. Why check in there if they don't want to talk about it?!

YouTheCat Sun 07-Apr-13 15:04:00

Also I've had some friends deactivate for a set time so they could get some work done which is fair enough (or even to just have a break from it). But then there are 1 or 2 who deactivate every other month. I know one who does it and then gets loads of texts etc asking if she's ok and then a few weeks later she'll reactivate it again.

I ignore her mainly. She is nearly 50 ffs.

Filibear Sun 07-Apr-13 15:20:37

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Gossipmonster Sun 07-Apr-13 15:23:09

I have people who take "Facebook Breaks"

Really? You are that fucking important that you need a break from your fans? hmm

I have a policy on Facebook, anyone who does this type of post more than 3 times in a row is a gonner.

Anyone who posts or shares any sexist or racist bullshit is gone first time.

I do however have one girl who makes my teeth itch although she's a closer relative so I've just had to 'hide' get to stop family politics going nuts, she does the 'why do I bother with life' and the lovely 'nice to know even my family don't give a shut when none of them will even bring me a fag' type posts. What makeshift laugh more is that they're always ended with a kiss!

Eg. "Life is so shit, I give and give and get nuffin bk! Xxx"

YouTheCat Sun 07-Apr-13 15:45:12

All I get from my family on there is 'check in at the pub' grin

One of favourite things to do with Dp, reading out annoying things on Facebook, keeps our relationship fresh

One of my personal favourites is when someone does something ordinary and every comment is AMAZINGG!!! Wow you're soooooo the best xyz !! Awwww thanks hun so r u !!!!
Puke bucket please plz

MunchkinsMumof2 Sun 07-Apr-13 18:05:08

I have vaguebookers too "some people are just not worth the effort" oh hun are you ok? Who has upset you? Chin up you're worth more bla bla ba. Does my nut.

Minetired Sun 07-Apr-13 18:43:42

My sis-in-law, is always on Facebook going on about how her husband is useless and doesn't pay her an attention. I cant believe how many of her friends like her status, and tell her all men are bastards. Then within 24hrs he is be best hubby in the world and she couldn't live without him! All her friends then like her status and tell her how lucky she is!!!! confused
If she wasn't family I would delete her as a friend.

sallysparrow157 Sun 07-Apr-13 18:48:30

A mate of mine posted a while ago something along the lines of "stressy day today, looking forward to getting home and sitting on the sofa with a cuppa" so not overly attention seeking, just a bit of a moan but deliberately not going int what was making her day stressy (so as not to openly moan about her workplace on Facebook). A couple of friends then decided to comment on her status with great detail about the somewhat sensitive work situation and as she was on her phone on the Facebook ap thingy she couldn't log in to delete it, making her stressy day a bit worse! I agree that the very clear attention seeking posts are annoying but sometimes cryptic ones are needed if you want to have a bit of a moan without getting into trouble (though still annoying if you're nosey and don't know what they're talking about)

Viviennemary Sun 07-Apr-13 18:48:59

I couldn't be bothered with facebook for this reason. If a friend of mine was very low I'd expect them to ring me up and come round for a coffee. Not post a cryptic message on facebook which I wouldn't see anyway.

BegoniaBampot Mon 08-Apr-13 00:55:20

i use FB everyday. I never really see the kind of stuff everyone goes on about. all the woe is me or racist abusive posts, folk fighting online. Don't blame FB for having idiot friends.

My pet Fbook hates - attention seeking updates (like ones already been described here), people who post the Dalai Lama's/positive thinking blah vlah daily updates to everyone's newsfeed, posting stuff like 'Friends are like stars, you can't see them but you know they're always there' etc etc. But, also blow by blow accounts of their toddler's potty training. Thanks, I really want to know that in detail. Not.
Then there's the people (MIL, SIL hmm who insist on sending you game requests when you clearly never play zombiewars/mafiawhatever/bejewelled blitz and have no intention of ever doing so. I just block em all ! (along with potty training mum's thrice daily updates).

TheRealFellatio Mon 08-Apr-13 03:10:23

YABNU. I bloody hate them. I saw one the other day (not a friend of mine but a friend of a friend) that said 'If only I could turn the clock back, but it's too late. It's done and it can't be undone. I am distraught' or some such nonsense. Cue a hundred messages of 'oh what is it hun? We all love you. I'm here for you if you need to talk.' etc, etc

I just thought 'Fuck off.' Either tell people properly or shut up.

CalamityJ Mon 08-Apr-13 06:19:11

Facebook is used for 3 types of status update:

1) Breaking news - I'm engaged/pregnant etc.
2) Boasting - Look at this photo of me doing something amazing with my amazing friends somewhere amazing!
3) Cryptic moaning - Just had the worst day/Why can't things ever go right for me?/Today calls for wine etc.

YABU if you haven't worked that out yet grin

Verbalpunchbag Mon 08-Apr-13 06:35:21

If it wasn't for Facebook how would you know what your friends were having for dinner or what they were watching on tv?

shellbu Mon 08-Apr-13 07:58:25

i have deleted f/b i was getting pissed off seeing daily holiday countdowns , how many hours at the gym they will have to do now they had a bar of chocolate , im ugly pics ( oh your not , yes i am sadface ),cryptic messages ( you know who you are ) ! oh and the cat pics i bloody hate cats .

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