friend said i treat DD as though she's terminally ill(279 Posts)
Later in the year we're going to Disneyland. DD, age 5, doesn't know yet and I was planning on hiring a Mickey costume for DH's friend to wear to deliver the tickets and some Disney goodies to announce the trip to DD. My friend said this 'special treatment' is ridiculous and that I treat DD like she's terminally ill by arranging things like this! I just wanted DD to have a lovely memory, that's all. She still totally believes that people dressed up are real characters and would be amazed by Mickey coming to the house. The suit only costs £10 to hire but she'll remember it forever- AIBU to think this is just a nice thing to do and that my friend was out of line?
Your "friend" is being a bitch really, isn't she. What an unnecessarily spiteful thing to say.
Of course its a nice thing to do. It's what makes childhood special. Go ahead and let her have some lovely memories.
No, fuck her. that's a lovely idea and your child is very lucky. If I had the money I would so do that for my little boy
Ignore your friend, YANBU. Your daughter, your choice how you do things. Sounds great fun to me!
Your friend was out of line!
It's not something that I'd make a habit of but to make a special memory I think this is a lovely thing to do!
Your friend is a miserable bugger - ignore her.
I'd say she is not really a friend and it sounds like she is jealous of your lovely holiday.
I hope DS enjoys the telling and the trip.
It's a lovely thing to do! The fact it will be so special to her indicates she's not spoilt or anything and appreciates things.
Ditch the friend if she's usually like this, it's a really bitchy thing to say!
That's a disgusting thing to say. It sounds like a lovely thing to do.
That's an awesome idea! Something special DD will always remember.
We're over in Florida now, it's fantabulous
What a spiteful thing to say about you trying to do something nice for your DD, don't let her put a dampner on it for you both.
What did you say to her?
And when she says 'things like this' what other things is she thinking of?
Jealousy from your friend OP.
What a fantastic experience for your DD. enjoy!
Is it Disneyland in America?
What an awful thing for her to say! Sounds like a lovely surprise that your dd would love
She's not a very nice friend is she. You go ahead, it sounds like fun.
Kind of depends if this is a one off thing or whether it is the end of a succession of things that would make your friend think that you helicopter and over indulge.
Well, your friend was a bit er... blunt, but it does sound completely over the top, IMVHO.
what a horrible bitch. Do you think she's jealous maybe? Ugh nasty cow
What a vile thing to say! I'd suggest she isn't a real friend.
Have a lovely holiday.
Your 'friend' is an utter cunt. Drop her like a hot potato and only engage with people who can smile when you tell them your lovely plans.
Your friend is being absolutely out of order
(but you are perhaps being a teeny bit over the top, a teeny bit)
I'd do it.
She's being a cow, but really what can you do about it? Ignore her, don't let her ruin it for you.
That's a disgusting thing to say!
Sounds lovely, your DD will remember it for ever.
Drop the 'friend'
Bloody 'ell! I was expecting you to describe some sort of "wrapping your DD in cotton wool" thing, and even then I was going to say YANBU (as your parenting decisions are up to you). BUT, your "friend" is not only out of order but seriously rotten to say this to you! YANBU.
Ignore her that's a great idea! We went to Disney and I left presents on my kids beds every morning 'from Mickey'! You could that too that'd really annoy her!
Her examples of 'things like this' were:
When I was pregnant with DD2 a facepainter I knew asked if she could practice bump painting on me for free, I agreed and DD had her tummy painted too and the photos were on the facepainters website
last year for DD's birthday we told her we were going to grandma's to stay over but didn't leave til 7. DD fell asleep in car and when she woke up she discovered we were camping for the weekend at her favourite place
Some other friends and I chipped in £3 each to hire an Easter bunny mascot to visit each of our children to deliver an egg on Easter Sunday
Yanbu what a horrid thing to say, you go ahead and make your dd trip special, your only a child once
Of course you're not bu. I hired a guy in a Santa suit to pop in to ds's 5th birthday party (his birthday is the week before Christmas).
The kids didn't really think it was the real Santa, but it added a special touch of magic all the same. Ignore her.
Horrible, bitter, vindictive thing to say. She does sound jealous. And even if she finds it over the top it's still a totally vile thing to say. Your DD will be delighted
She is an offensive fucking numpty tosspot.
I don't think I can be any clearer.
Does your 'friend' actually understand what terminally ill means?
Taking your kid to Disney is hardly the main activity of a mother caring for a terminally ill child.
For FUCKS sake.
I don't think your "things" sound OTT to me. Not the sort of thing my DCs would have been interested in, but you say your DD would really enjoy this, so I don't feel she's being spoiled.
Think your friend is jealous.
I can be quite hard/blunt/
rude and I think your friend is being a dick.
If your DD was 15 then perhaps it would be a bit OTT, but at 5, enjoy the magic of seeing your DD's excited face. My DD is 3 and is just getting into Disney characters (Disney Junior has been on sodding TV at some point every day this week) and I can imagine how excited she'd be if Mickey turned up here!
What an offensive thing for your 'friend' to say
1. Ignore her
2. she's probably jealous
3. it's none of her damned business
4. with friends like her....etc
Children are only children once - why the hell shouldn't you do lovely things for yours?
Seeing as it's likely to be a once in a lifetime trip (because it's working out to be so bloody expensive!) I just wanted to make it extra special for DD
your 'friend' is being a spiteful witch with no sense of adventure you are creating memories for your child there is nothing wrong with that . it is a wee bit OTT with the big performance but it is ok saying all thaT
we didnt tell our dds we were going to florida till they got to the airport they were 10 and nearly 5 , 5 yr olds memory can fade but you are making a thing of it she will remember, enjoy your holiday and get rid of your friend who is being a grinch
Wow what a nasty thing to say your 'friend' is incredibly jealous. I think that is a lovely idea to get a friend to dress up as Mickey - what a lucky girl to have a mum like you.
What a vile thing to say.
Hope you have a great time.
Oh FFS, the things you describe are really lovely and your DD is lucky to have someone looking out for how she'll look back on her childhood when she's older, what kind of joyless fuck would try and pour scorn on them??
A couple of my relatives are similar and they try to make you feel a bit of an immature twonk for doing them, but it's those sparkly bits that children look back when they're an adult and smile at how much their parents must have thought of them to make such an effort.
Your friend was too blunt but I am afraid I agree with her.
Having said that, I am not your DD's mother, you are, so your views are much more relevant than your friend's or mine.
we have taken dd1 to the 'park' and ended up on holiday when she was 3 meh these things are memorable dd is nearly 20 she remembers going to the park but thinking it was a v v long way away ( it was butlins )
Your "friend" is a miserable old bag. Drop her from your life. When my son was small we went to Disneyland Paris. Told him we were going to Devon. On the feeder coach I said that we were very sorry but there had been as change of plan, so we were going somewhere else. He was so excited & happy when we told him, & he always remembers that. He's 27 now!
Your friend is a jealous cow. If my friend told me she had arranged something like that for their child I would be thrilled for them and wanting to see the video of the child getting the news delivered in such an amazing way.
Ignore her x
I think it's lovely
Your friend sounds like a twat
Your friend is not a friend.
They all sound lovely things for your dad
We once hired a darth Vader outfit that dp wore to a star wars themed party we did for ds2
Oh and it's only because DD never asks for/expects anything that I do these things. She honestly would've been extremely happy just to go to grandma's for her tea for her birthday - she didn't even expect more presents despite only getting a few little ones on her actual birthday. Plus she is very appreciative and remembers surprises from when she was 2 so it's nice to know they mean something to her
You're spending your time and using your imagination to do lovely things for your dcs, and a 'friend' thinks it's appropriate to say that? What a nasty wee cow!
She's not a friend in any sense of the word - get rid, and carry on with your plans, your dcs will love it and have some fabulous memories
I pity people like the OPs friend. What horrible nasty little lives they must lead.
Wherever possible I do things to blow my DSSs tiny minds. Last Christmas they got their presents in a giant cardboard castle. It didn't cost that much but it was as big as them and they did that fabulous thing where they stand and shake a bit because it's all so exciting.
But then I come from a family where we gift wrap stuff to take to uni. My mum wrapped individual toilet rolls
Your friend sounds like a wanker.
Your DD sounds lovely, as do you.
Forget the stupid comments from idiot 'friend'. What a vile thing for her to have said.
And whose business is it but yours as to what is 'too' much?
It's a lovely idea, we did something very similar for our DD, probably more so as I made elaborate Disney Princess gowns for DD & her friend to wear, (we took friend along too) & had them delivered with the tickets - it made for wonderful memories for us all
Your friend is a jealous cow, sadly you making such an effort probably makes her feel guilty or inadequate in some way, but that's HER problem, not yours ;)
I think it sounds a wee bit over the top myself, a little bit Make A Wish Foundation. I'd probably think the same thing but be afraid to say it. Your friend sounds quite funny, does she post here?
I think it's a lovely way to "build up" the excitement to the trip. People always say that part of the fun is the planning. At 5yo she won't really have the concept of 'in the summer holidays' or 'in 4 months'.
The Lapland UK (not the Crapland New Forest one) sends out a Letter from Santa to give to the child to explain. Haven't been there though.
What you're planning is along those lines.
She could've said "Mmm, bit OTT " which is her opinion, but se sounds rude.
Your DD will remember it so much more with the plans you're doing.
Well your friend's phrasing wasn't the most delicate, but I would find the things you've mentioned a bit OTT to be honest. But I'm very much in the majority on the threat so clearly I'm just a hard bitch
It'd be OTT if you were doing it for everything, but the odd special occasion and your DD will remember it.
Why makes you wonder whether the friend posts here elsie?
a sockpuppet, maybe you're right fliss.
It is a bit shit for her to think a child would have to have a terminal illness for their parents to do something special for them.
Your friend isn't really a friend.
Go for it! When you consider the cost of the entire trip surely the extra £10 for the costume will make so many extra memories.
I do things like this for the family too. DH and I told the kids we were going to see WW2 trenches and ended up at Euro Disney. I told DH we were going to IKEA straight from work on the Friday before his birthday and 'turned off too early' into the airport... we caught the 9pm flight to Berlin for the weekend.
I love surprises... just wish someone would surprise me too .
waiting that sounds great! Did you make the castle yourself? Mine would love that
Baby brain you said it didn't cost that much! Where did you get it from?
That is just an awful thing to say to you.
You must be very hurt.
But can I say the ignorance and insensitivity of that comment to any parent who has had to live through the neverending trauma of watching their child die just fucking speechless.
Really this woman isn,t capable of being a friend, call her on this, then fuck her right off.And have a lovely time with your dd, cherish every moment.
to MrsD and others on this thread.
What an odd thing to think, let alone actually say. Ok, it might not be something I would do but, it does sound lovely.
floggingmolly. My DD is 2 but she is also a Xmas baby. Will be pinching your Father Christmas at birthday party for future use. Thanks.
Your friend is a twat. Make some amazing memories for your dd, ignore your jealous friend and enjoy yourselves. I think what you are doing is fabulous.
I have been thinking and the fact she said terminally ill is bloody awful is she usually so nasty
Gosh what a horrible thing to say!! It probably isn't something I would do but it does sound like your DD will love it, so YANBU!
We took my nieces to disney when they were 6 and 3, and didn't tell them where we were going until we got to the station, expecting a 'wow' moment and huge excitement. What we actually got was pretty much blank/confused faces! I think it was just so far removed from anything they'd done before that they couldn't really grasp what was going on and didn't really get excited at all! They loved it when they were there though. So actually I think telling DD in advance and helping to build up the excitement is a really good idea!
But I'm very much in the majority on the threat so clearly I'm just a hard bitch
Or maybe just lacking in imagination ;)
It's not like its a frequent thing FFS, its a really special treat, as it Xmas & birthdays, why not go the extra half mile & make it as special as your imagination allows especially as they grow so quickly & will be eye rolling at the thought of anything as "magical" before you even blink - some if us enjoy it as much as out DCs, live & let live;)
Love the cardboard castle for Xmas - we always made our living room into a grotto over night, balloons tinsel glitter & snow everywhere including santas foot prints & rigged up a bubble machine with Christmas music to go off in the morning too - OTT - yes, but I loved every second of it
Children only get one childhood, I think it's our job to make it as magical as possible. What you've got planned sounds lovely.
Your friend is obviously entitled to her opinion, although the way she shared this was obviously incredibly off!!!
Carry on making fabulous memories & maybe just don't bother telling her what you've got planned.
I think it sounds a wee bit over the top myself, a little bit Make A Wish Foundation. I'd probably think the same thing but be afraid to say it. Your friend sounds quite funny, does she post here?
Funny eh what Oh she sounds hysterical
:O I meant to say minority honest!
I just thought it was an awfully cruel thing to say regarding the terminally ill bit. She could've just said it was OTT and I wouldn't have been offended. I had a shockingly shit childhood as friend knows and have no happy memories at all so I probably do overcompensate with my DD's but so long as they don't become spoilt I don't see the harm.
And I can't work the smileys either, marvellous.
Just do it and ignore your jealous silly friend. Or not friend.
How unbelievable of her.
I really wouldn't call her a friend tbh. She's wicked saying that. Oh and too.
Seriously offensive thing to say - both from the POV of those who do have terminally kids to care for, and for making you feel shit.
I used to love doing OTT stuff for DS when he was little - he's 14 now, but vividly remembers seeing the Easter bunny (Friend of mine using a large soft toy such that DS saw him hop over the fence).
They're only littl for a very short time, make the most of it!
^ Are you the friend, elsie07? ^
No, but a lot of you are clearly overreacting. Ditch the friend, she's a cunt etc. Maybe she just thinks you're a bit OTT. Like I do.
Oh formatting is a pile of shite here.
She needn't have said anything except something positive. She's a cow.
Perhaps she feels guilty that she doesn't think to do these things herself. Maybe she feels you're a bit smug about what a wonderful mummy you think you are and wanted to bring you down a peg or two. Not nice of her though.
I think your ideas sound lovely and creative. £10 extra is hardly going ott on the holiday.
Your friend is a jealous, spiteful ball of negativity. Your daughter is so lucky to have such a thoughtful, loving mother, she will have those beautiful memories for the rest of her life
was to your friend's notion that you are treating her too much.
We took dss to Disney World in Florida when dss were small. DS2 was only around 2 or 3. But even he remembers things from it. Amazing what dcs can remember. She'll have a fabulous memory from this .
well that is ridiculous (the friend not you) what a lovely idea and it is things like that you remember.
Did your parents do anything to surprise you when you were little Elsie?
They don't have to cost anything, thoughtful things just to see the surprise on your face and know they're doing something that'd make you happy.
Thats a horrible thing to say your 'friend' is obviously just jealous that you are such a lovely mummy! Ignore her!
YANBU I do these type of things all the time. Themed Helium balloons for christmas, easter, birthdays etc. Visits from characters on these occasions too because there is a local company that do these events. If parents didnt do it they would not have a business. So many parents do this. Much better than some things Ive seen. Eg: one parent asked their kids what they wanted for chirstmas, got it and left if sitting unwrapped on the sofa for christmas morning. the child was so spoilt she didnt even appreciate it and most of it was left unplayed with in the packaging!
I suspect as others have suggested that your friend is indeed a little jealous; not all children are spoilt rotten even at 4-5.
I would have bitten my tongue, however, she has a point.
Why are you so very very keen for your DC to have these superlative experiences ?
I completely understand wanting to do this.
This friend is no friend and I can't understand how anyone could turn the lovely thing you are doing into something negative.
Enjoy your lovely holiday.
I do think hiring costumes and so on is a little over the top
and anything Disney makes me want to vomit however, I would never say so to a friend, I would smile and say how lovely. So yeah, your friend was out of line.
YANBU; sounds like a lovely thing to do, it's brilliant went children believe people in costume are the actual character, I can totally understand why you want to do it! These things make amazing memories! Stuff your friend, she's probably just jealous Mickey Mouse isn't giving her tickets to Disneyland (I know I am!)
Your friend is no true friend and is being very unkind.
It sounds like a lovely idea and somehing she'll treasure forever
Your friend was being an insensitive dick referring to you treating your DD as if she were terminally ill.
However, I for one think it's OTT. A bit like how some people dramatise Christmas further with the invention of a christmas hamper bought by ficticious elves. It's over egging the pudding - a trip to Disneyland is (IMO obviously) a big enough treat in itself and doesn't need extra fuss. But you want to do it, and its your decision. If you were my friend, I would smile and not politely whilst thinking in my head you were a crazy loon
I hope you all have a lovely time. I have been there a few times between the ages of 10-17 and even the last time behaved like a small child!
I wouldn't hire the suit and not into Disney either, but isn't it a similar thing to getting someone dressed up as Father Christmas to come round?
That's a pretty normal(ish) thing to do isn't it?
X-posts with you bedmonst, the hamper/elves combo is different to just FC in his get up IMO
This thread has made me think of a really lovely one from ages ago can anyone help me remember it properly/find it?
A mner had moved (abroad i think? canada?) as a SP and with very little cash and was feeling bad about not being able to make things special for her dd- there was a massive thread about all the things she could do, for free or at very little cost, there were some really lovely ideas.
Anyway you made me think of it OP, and I don't understand anyone who wouldn't want to create special moments for their dc. However, I think even more important than that is making sure they feel consistently secure and loved (which I'm sure your dc do btw!). Do you think your friend thinks your dd is spoilt?
Utterly horrible comment. Yanbu. Your friend sounds jealous and just spiteful and nasty. Hope you all enjoy Disney!
Agent it's all the same to me - it reminds me too much of weird adults-who-haven't-grown-up-and-still-wear-tinkerbell-pyjamas-and-an-eeyore-watch
If you were my friend, I would smile and nod politely whilst thinking in my head you were a crazy loon
This^ ^ ^
Unless this is a complete one off for something special I have to admit I'd think it was massively OTT as well. But I'd never say it (I might find it hard to keep a straight face though).
If it is a complete one off and not the kind of thing you normally do, I think it is actually pretty sweet.
there's nothing wrong with a Christmas Eve Hamper BTW.
It makes PJs, Lush Bath Bombs and hot chocolate exciting.
And buys frazzled parents some all-important peace and quiet.
I've known a couple of people like that bedmonst, and it always turns out that they've had a bollocks childhood and are making up for lost time.
The OP said she had a shit one herself, but the waking up at the MILs and Easter Bun things are within the normal perimeters of stuff you'd do for your DC that you'd never in a million years do at any other time.
At least the OPs not dressing up and is getting DHs mate to do it! (clever OP ) If she was getting a bit too much of a kick out of it, surely she'd dress up herself?
I would maybe inwardly secretly roll my eyes a tiny bit, but mostly I would think what you were doing was cute and think it's sweet that you have such enthusiasm for this sort of thing.
What your "friend" said was way out of order and she should go suck a bag of dicks.
It's not something I would do myself, but I know quite a few people who have gone to Disney and surprised their children in some special way so I wouldn't think anything of it.
Your friend is certainly not a friend and has been hugely insulting.
she should go suck a bag of dicks
I just spat cocoa over my iPad screen
I do hate it when people refer to indulging our DCs as "Spoiling them"
My wise old aunt who spent her whole working life running a large nursery used to say "you spoil a child far more by what you don't do for them, than you ever can by what you do for them"
She was right, I see FAR more brat tush behaviour amongst DCs who are left to et away with doing what they like & the parents don't know how to say no, than I ever do in those whose DPs go to town with special occasions
& FTR, I hate all things Disney too, but I LOVED the look of wonder on my own DD & her friends faces - I did think being there would be my idea of hell, but it was about making memories for DD - I surprised myself by loving it
Brattish - porno autocorrect at it again
Your friend has no business commenting on how you raise your daughter.
'porno autocorrect at it again'
That has to be another typo
It sounds like you want the best for your child, there is nothing wrong with doing that.
Is your friend struggling with money at all
It's quite an elaborate thing to do, but that's totally your choice, it's being done for a nice reason (wanting to see your DD's happy response) and your 'friend' was being incredibly rude by commenting as she did. If she mentions it again, I would say 'Oh yes, you got all worked up about this before, didn't you? Oh well, I'm happy I'm doing it'. and then refuse to engage in any more discussion about it.
I think undoing stuff like is is a perk of parenting, you get to pretend again, to make believe. Ds2 loved it when Darth Vader came to his party, it was July and rather hot for dp in the outfit but it made the party, the kids loved it!
They are only little once, you will all treasure these memories op
I think what you're doing is lovely. Friend sounds like an utter wanker.
I'm taking my DD to see Mamma Mia in the west end on Monday. I am planning to suggest we snuggle up and watch the film (her favourite) on Sunday and then present her with the tickets. I can't wait to see the look on her little face! Nothing wrong with going a bit OTT every once in a while.
No Agent that was me this time - my autocorrect has got into a bad habit of subbing porno word all over the shop
That's a lovely thing to do
I still remember the way my Dad told me we were off to Disneyland. He scrambled all the letters on a piece of paper and told me to guess where we were off to. Simple, but all these years later I still I still remember
Your DD is going to love your idea and will remember it forever. Don't listen to the silly cow YADNBU
Have a fab time out there
''Oh yes, you got all worked up about this before, didn't you? Oh well, I'm happy I'm doing it'. and then refuse to engage in any more discussion about it.'
I'd be tempted to make her squirm a bit more than that, and have to ask her to elaborate on why she felt the need to voice her concerns.
But then I have few social skills
Technology + human nature = recipe for maximum embarrassment rockin
Too true & I'm with you on your previous post too - I'd be making the friend squirm too, the way she phrased her disapproval was disgusting
'I think doing stuff like this is a perk of parenting'. It should say...
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
She is jealous, you sound lovely. Keep making those memories.
In 25 yrs time, when your daughter is a mumsnetter, there will be one of those "what's your favourite memory" threads, and your daughter will post this one.
Your friend is jealous.
I don't do Disney/Princessy stuff, as dd has never been interested in it. But a similar surprise, even at 9, would thrill her to bits.
Hope you all have a lovely time.
Friend is being a bitch.
I know someone who's small child was a huge Mr Blobby fan.
Mr Blobby came to his birthday party and said small child completely freaked out.
I am also in the minority here because I think this is OTT and your friends had a point (although I'd never actually say that to a friend).
AND...I've started so I'll finish...this phrase "making memories" just makes me want to barf. It sounds so false and set up. Imo we should be living life in the present and having experiences we all enjoy, which may or may not become memories. Some of my best childhood memories are such simple things - games I played with friends, walking to my nan's house through deep snow, sitting by the fire with my mum watching our favourite TV show - not a costume in sight!
After saying all that, life would be boring if we were all the same. Do what you want to do and have fun doing it!
I really don't get why on threads like this the 'jealousy' line always gets trotted out. Personally the idea of going to Disneyland has absolutely zero appeal for me, and the OP's planned 'reveal' feels very OTT and would make me squirm a bit.
I can also see where her friend might be coming from because this is the sort of thing that charities like Make a Wish do. On the other hand it was an unkind comment, especially if she knew why the OP might have a tendency to go over the top. But it does sound as if there might be a bit of a pattern, so I would suspect that the comment is probably more about that than this particular incident.
Personally I don't think that memories are things that can be artificially made, my strongest childhood memories are of fairly ordinary things that happened to me, in particular spontaneous events between me and my siblings. But perhaps the important memories being created here are more for the OP than her dd (nothing wrong with that).
Last year the dds had an exclusive opportunity to meet a certain dancing mouse and her friend there were 3&6 - just them and they danced with them , the whole thing lasted about 10 minutes .dd now 4 still talks about it .
Also last year in tenerife dd1 was picked to do the dolphin show seeing as that 3 days before she had been on a drip in the local hospital it made it 10 times better.
They also have happy memories of simple things however if it makes them happy then you do it......
I bit my tongue last nigh when this thread started, all I really thought was 'how are you going to top this next year?'.. It reminded me of those increasingly extravagant birthdays parties where each school gate mum tried to outdo the last party. Or proms where limos are so out of vogue but helicopters are in.
Yes, it's over the top. It's a lovely idea and I hope your DD is excited and delighted by it. The world should be magical and full of wonder when you are 5.
Having had things missing in your own childhood, of course you want them for your child, that's the way that the majority parent. You remember bad things that happened as a child and try not to do that to your own children.
Your friend was unkind.
I agree with your friend(sorry). However you friend was a spiteful bitch to tell you this. She needs to learn to think before she speaks!
My friends have done things that are not to my taste/inclination but I wouldn't dream of raining on their parade by telling them! That is just mean spirited.
I think it's a wonderful idea. In fact I'm probably going to steal it in a few years!
When I was little my dad made a point of taking us somewhere every Sunday in the summer. Be it to the garden centre to look at the animals, to a park, walk round the woods wherever. One day we got in the car and he said we were going to a DIY store but instead we went to flamingo land. It was fantastic!!
I love reading all the lovely ideas at Christmas of what people do to create magic, I'm tempted to start a thread of lovely all year magic ideas...
I always wonder, when people post stories like this (or when the inevitable "what are your DC getting for Christmas" threads start), why anyone asks "How are you going to top that next year?"
Why is there a perceived requirement for each year to be bigger and better than the last? The OP has already said it's a once-in-a-lifetime trip due to expense. I don't see why anyone has to rain on her parade by being sneery about what she may or may not follow it with.
OP, I think it's a fab idea. Doesn't cost much and will just add to the marvellous experience for your DD.
Your friend was being a complete bitch, ignore her.
FWiW, we organised a trip to Legoland Windsor for my older son for his 6th birthday last year, staying in the brand new hotel and timed so he'd wake up in Legoland on his birthday. Given we live in NZ, this was a huge deal and he still remembers his breakfast doughnut with candles This year he wants a few mates over for pizza and a movie. You don't have to top a fabulous experience just because you've done it once - you just make that one experience as special as you can. Which is what you're planning.
I have just come back from Disneyland and think its a fab idea. As long as your daughter is happy then sod your 'friend', Disney is OTT.. Thats the point
Another vote for yanbu here!
Our DD dislikes people in those character costumes, so Disney was "interesting" for her - and someone at the house would have freaked her out at 5! However, you know your DD and I agree that this is a cool idea. Your friend has a seriously warped mind!
Agree with milky, Disneyland is meant to be OTT. Nothing about the trip will be tasteful, you just have to get into the spirit of it.
Op your friend is entitled to her opinion, but she should have kept her mouth shut.
"this phrase "making memories" just makes me want to barf. It sounds so false and set up. Imo we should be living life in the present and having experiences we all enjoy, which may or may not become memories."
Also to me adults dressing up as fictional characters and pretending to actually be them insults children's intelligence.
It's the opposite of magic - it takes imagination and mystery and brings it kicking and screaming into the mundane.
I can't bear it.
I do think it's a bit OTT. But on the other hand if you had a horrible childhood it's understandable that you want to make your own kids' childhood exciting. Perhaps your friend is just worried that your kids will end up spoilt but obviously expressed it badly.
Hardly worth falling out over. Be glad your friend feels she can be honest with you.
Treating our children like they have a terminal illness- as in, enjoying them, treating them, showing them you love them in whatever way you want- can't be a bad thing, surely?
It's not a material good you're giving her- it's a surprise. Yes, it's a little OTT. But in a harmless cute way. Buying her 'stuff' would 'spoil' her far more.
How horrible but do think you are being ott, if I'm honest!
I think it's OTT but I am rather envious of your imagination! I wish I thought of this kind of thing for my DC. They're only 3 and 5 months though so there's still time
Well I think it's wonderful. I really can't see any harm at all in trying to make things as magical and memorable as possible for DC. I realise child hood is a modern concept, but I can't wait to have DC so I can create "magic"
it's also why I became a primary school teacher
You're friend is a bitch, but you do sound slightly demented (in a sweet sort of dappy way). I do wonder though if I was your friend whether all your OTT (slightly ridiculous) gestures would drive me batshit. I suspect I probably wouldn't be your friend as my style of parenting is rather more neglectful...horrid thing for her to say though.
My friend decorates her house like Santa's grotto every Christmas, like a house of horrors at Halloween and like Easter bunny land at Easter, complete with all the activities to go with it. Every birthday party has to be the biggest, most exciting, "only one ever to have thought of it" party ever to the extent that my s/n ds has to be excluded as it is all too much for him.
I think it is really OTT. It's just not my thing at all (which I am sure she has noticed by now) however I would never tell her this. They are her children and she has every right to do as she likes.
I think it's a but OTT but everyone to their own. Her remark was completely uncalled for and I would drop her as a friend.
Who cares if it is over the top - if it makes you and your DD happy (which it most certainly will) then do it!
That really was a tasteless and mean-spirited thing for your friend to say.
A holiday to Disneyland is a lovely surprise, but a magical presentation of the tickets and a few advance goodies relating to the special holiday is just extending and making the treat even bigger and better. What parent doesn't want to make nice things even better and more exciting for their DC?
Yes, it is maybe a little 'OTT' (or perhaps just unusually creative?) for a lot of people's tastes, but it sounds like a really nice and pretty affordable idea that would give a lot of pleasure all round. So what on earth is wrong with that?
"What parent doesn't want to make nice things even better and more exciting for their DC?"
I can't bear this kind of lily-gilding shite.
Your friend is a bitch. Do you want to do!
It doesn't matter whether your friend thinks you're OTT or not - it's the fact that she not only rained on your happy parade, it's the analogy she used to do it that's so offensive.
It makes no difference if anyone thinks Disney is naff or not - it should only matter to a friend that its special to you and your family: it's not about the place or the activity, it's about the fact that a friend is excited and happy and planning something special for her family and she thought that it would be OK to just stomp on that? Not a friend at all.
FWIW, for many people they remember their kids faces when they tell them they're going to Disney - my eldest is 22 now and I can see as plain as day the expression on his face when he was 10 when we told them we were going. It's a priceless memory for the parents, as well as the kids.
AThing the OP isn't asking you (or her friend) to bear it though, is she.
If you don't like it, don't do it. And it sounds like you don't - fine.
But do you not think its extremely rude of the "friend" to announce that OP is treating her child as if she is terminally ill?
Even if its not to your taste, surely you don't just go round saying things like that to people who are supposed to be your friends?
That is a really horrible thing to say.
I think you have a fabulous imagination... what a lucky girl your DD is.
I am wondering if 55 is too old for you considering adopting me if I promise to be a good girl?
I would lose the friend. What a really offensive comment.
Childhood should be about creating magical memories. I have very few of those from my childhood probably only one I can think of. I would hate for ds to grow up and look back on his childhood and not have any special memories.
Mind you I took ds to Disneyland Paris when he was 5. He got thoroughly fed up of seeing Mickey Mouse everywhere. We were in one restaurant with loads of children wanting their photo with Mickey. He came up to ds who told him to go away and stop bothering him
What the hell does it matter to her what you choose to do?
It's your money and your daughter.
It doesn't affect her at all. You're not asking her to be involved with it and you're not asking her to pay for it.
Her sneering tone is unacceptable. Even if it's not something she'd choose to do - so what? Why does that mean it's ok to say nasty things to you to try to make you feel bad about your choices?
Tell her to sod off.
I suppose it was a bit rude, but it does all seem a bit Make a Wish Foundation.
I wouldn't have said it. But I would have thought it.
And I am giggling away at all the people saying how imaginative and creative it is to have a person dressed up as Mickey Mouse making a big song and dance of announcing your holiday
Jealous friend me thinks. Even if she thought it was over the top she should still enjoy that it's a fun thing to do and your wacky. Your not by the way I think it's fun and why not ? If you look around there will be other things happening that will help you realise she has some issues.
Tell her to bugger off and mind her own.
It's possibly a bit OTT but so what? If you can't do slightly bonkers stuff to bring a bit of magic to your child's life then it's a sad old world.
FWIW I'm taking my 8yo to see Charlie & The Chocolate Factory in July - am not telling her until the morning when she will get all the details of our trip (we're staying in London overnight and doing some other stuff too) on a golden ticket inside a real Wonka bar !
I suppose it was a bit rude, but it does all seem a bit Make a Wish Foundation
I hope for your DCs sake that you never need to understand exactly why that is so offensive but you really should be ashamed of yourself, as should the OPs friend
I think the surprise sounds really lovely (and do do you) and I'm sure your DDwill love it to.
Your friend sounds thoroughly unpleasant. No need for such a spiteful comment.
Oh dear, my phone is conspiring against me today.
DumSpiro I did that a couple of years ago when I took DS to Legoland. The look on his face was priceless! Have fun
Is she really a friend? I'd be telling her to get lost. I've surprised my children with a trip to Florida this year and I didn't see it as being terminally ill but a surprise which their reactions were fab x
Some people are just miseries and can't see the fun and joy in anything about different. Ignore her a do what suits you and dd best. Your dd will have lovey memories.
Tbh I find your so called friend quite unpleasant referring to terminally ill children like this anyway.
I'd find another friend.
It's a horrible thing to say to a friend and I wouldn't want to stay friends with someone who said it to me
It does, however, sound ott, but you say you had a bad childhood, so it's all abput making their childhood extra special. Maybe that is why your 'friend' sees it as 'make a wish' territory. Mean to say or even think it though, and not at all comparable
What on earth did you say in reply?
No do it your mate is jealous.
We took our ds's to Florida years ago and didn't tell them until the limo turned up to takes us to the airport ( dh mate had limo company so cheaper than a cab)
I took my d to see one direction last night and I wouldn't have risked missing her face for the world
Whilst I would never dream of saying what your friend said I can't believe how many posters think she's jealous.
Really? Jealous of someone going to Disneyland, it's hardly a world cruise (no offence to your holiday choice OP) outside the pockets of all but the megawealthy is it?
Sure, she might be a nasty person but I wouldn't jump to the conclusion she's green with envy.
Sounds absolutely lovely to me.
Just one word of warning - several years ago my nephew (then aged 5yrs) adored Mr Blobby. My DP hired a Mr Bobby suit for my DSis wedding (don't ask why). We all thought nephew would love it but he screamed the place down - Mr Blobby close up was over 7ft tall ! Can I suggest Micky stands back from the door and allows your little girl to approach him rather than being really close to the door. At the Disney parks characters are briefed to step back if small children look frightened so as not to be threatening.
Have a lovely time - "It's a small, small world !"
AThingInYourLife Sat 06-Apr-13 08:32:35
>>>> Also to me adults dressing up as fictional characters and pretending to actually be them insults children's intelligence.
It's the opposite of magic - it takes imagination and mystery and brings it kicking and screaming into the mundane.
I can't bear it. <<<<
You'd hate my family then. Today DH is off with a bunch of mates to dress up in Star Wars costumes in a shopping centre (they are part of an official costuming group). Kids, and adults, love having photos taken with them and they collect for charity, today it's for the MS society. Often the kids and I go too; although I don't costume the kids do and they love it. DD is a great jawa and has loads of adults wanting photos with her.
Should anyone want to see them they're in the Cleveland Centre in Middlesbrough from 10:00 until about 3:00.
So OP, in my opinion YANBU. It sounds like your DD will love it. And your friend was well out of order.
We went to disney Florida last year and told the dc the previous Christmas - huge box filled with packing beans with disney character toys and leaflets etc all hidden at bottom. Dc still talk about how they found out and holiday was brilliant. You'll have a brilliant time and don't worry about what other people think, it's what your dc think that matters.
It does all seem a bit "Make a wish foundation".
Err no. It doesn't.
Massively insensitive post
Well I am against dressing up, it's true
But what sends me out to the barricades is people pretending the "real" Santa/Easter Bunny/Mickey Mouse/Elvis/Jon Snow showed up to their house.
That was a vile thing for her to say but I wonder if maybe you came across as bragging...? Not excusing her but we don't know the context for this situ.
what an odd thing to say
I too am going against what most are saying on here i do not think it is jealousy as it seems to be more about getting the ticket delivered by friend in costume. If a friend made this suggestion i would laugh and tell them not to be so indulgent. I agree it is the little things that make memories
Not a fan of all this Disney is magical. Ds went
thankfully with his dad they had an ok time but neither of us play into the Disney stuff and ds would have enjoyed a weekend at centre parks more ex feels it was a total rip off and waste of money
Telling Mickey to stop bothering him hilarious
I wouldn't have her as a friend any more
I think it sounds quite OTT, but half the fun of doing these things is going over the top! OTT isn't always a bad thing and I hope that when I have children I'll be as imaginative as you
and not a horrid grump like her
Waiting That cardboard castle idea is awesome
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Not to my taste though partly because I know my DS has a tendency to react in exactly the way I don't expect. We did the "pretend we're going to see GrandPs but actually we're off to your favourite place (CP)" thing and there were floods of tears 'cos he wanted to see GrandPs so we had to take a massive detour on the way back via them.
But in short, while your friend is entitled to feel it's all a bit OTT she is being horrid to say so and to make the reference to terminal illness...very strange thing for any parent to say. Does she actually have kids?
MuddlingMackem DD1 has taken DD3 to the cinema in Middlesbrough so I'll text and tell them to go to the Cleveland Centre after that
OP YANBU Some people don't know when to STFU
So what if it is OTT though? I mean I can see why people might think so but that doesn't matter does it?
That the "friend" thought this but also having said it then voiced it in such an unpleasant way - really nasty.
Having thought it, not said it.
I'm actually quite surprised that some posters on here actually have friends if any time those friends make a fuss of their DCs or do something they think their DCs might enjoy they get told they are over-indulgent or precious or ridiculous etc.
What's so hard about just keeping your mouth shut and then talking to your DP about it? Do you get some enjoyment from making your friends feel like crap?
I think you bought in to the last Disneyland TV advertising campaign! But your mate is horrible.
Might not be a bad idea getting "Mickey" to call if your DD hasn't seen any characters in costume before. My DD is 4, I asked her how tall she thinks Mickey is, she thinks he's about 2 foot tall!
I have heard of children getting freaked out by 'giant' characters so it will be a good gauge of whether you need to work on that aspect with her before the trip. Be awful if you got there and she spent the holiday terrified of giant mice!
The friend's comment was completely unnecessary and insensitive. How spiteful.
Like other posters I expected OP to be the kind of parent who doesn't let the children do anything remotely dangerous and hovers with handgel all the time.
For what it's worth the costume etc is not remotely the kind of thing I'd do although we do do surprises. I don't think it's about "how do you top that" but rather that every occasion would get special treatment and that would surely dilute the effect.
If it is genuinely occasional and you also have "normal" occasions and surprises, then a one-off bit of bonkers dressing-up sounds groovy.
AllDirections Sat 06-Apr-13 10:40:10
>>>>> MuddlingMackem DD1 has taken DD3 to the cinema in Middlesbrough so I'll text and tell them to go to the Cleveland Centre after that <<<<<
Trazz I can not imagine any of my friends doing this thlauds why I would laugh and yes I would say its being over indulgent. If this were to happen they would probably tell me to piss off and stop being a grump go get a bottle of wine and help me get into this twatish costume it would not be the end of a friendship
The friend's comment was completely out of order and very unkind.
However, I think it is very OTT. Memories shouldn't be made and constructed, they should happen naturally and be spontaneous IMO.
Anyone else wondering if there are 2 Mr Blobby-loving small boys who were terrified of him in RL?
I think it is a lovely idea. It is great for your DDs they will have beautiful memories from their childhood.
My Dad used to make us toys with old stuff. I still remember fondly the harp he made for me out of a sardine can and a broken egg slicer! (even made me and siblings a wooden see saw and a life size wooden horse with an old tree trunk a neighbour was getting rid off)
Childhood is a magic time and does sadly not last forever, memories such as the ones you are giving them will keep them going and hopefully theywill do the same for their own children one day. Generations of happy children will be better prepared to make this world a better place!
TSC that was a slightly err controversial comment about 10 year old fat chavs going round housing estates..many would be monumentally roasted for that one.
I went in one for my aunties 70th..I was 36. Twas a laugh.
It wasn't a v nice thing to say and it's probably not quite the thing I'd have thought about the kind of 'memory making' you're describing BUT I do think such behaviour is OTT and contrived and rather cringe-worthy. The best memories are the ones that happen from natural events, not those photo-shopped by parents, imho.
I admit that the shit stuff in my childhood (and there is enough of it) far outweighs the good stuff in terms of memories. Something like this will be a great memory for your DD, even if it isn't something that other people would do.
Your friend should never have said that, it was a horrible thing to say and I would have to say something to her about how offensive she was. Then I would be limiting my time in her company.
I think your friend sounds like a proper miserable cow, why try to make you feel bad about doing something lovely for your DD.
and I am one of those weirdos with tinkerbell PJs and hello kitty watch.
What a lovely thing to do. Childhood is so short. She will remember that forever.
Your friend is horrible.
I suppose it was a bit rude, but it does all seem a bit Make a Wish Foundation
Er how exactly? Its only someone dressed up in a mouse costume giving a ticket at the end of the day, whilst I get everyone thinks differently I think its sad that something designed to put a smile on a childs face is seen by some people somehow as wrong.
ChristmasJubilee you would think Im OTT to then as I to decorate the house at Christmas and Halloween I love it and the kids all love it. Its just a bit of fun for us all. Dont do birthday parties mind you!
Don't think she's jealous - she has much more money than me and could easily afford a far better trip. I didn't tell her in a bragging way, the costume hire shop called while I was with her and she asked what it was about so I told her. DD has met lots of characters and isn't remotely freaked out by them - she's more freaked out by actual people (strangers) approaching her so think she'll be fine. She doesn't really know much about Disneyland and the mickey with the tickets bit may well be her favourite bit. I agree about memories being natural - some of DDs are great - but she won't know it's been engineered so her feelings will be genuine.
If your friend used the words "as though she is terminally ill" then she was being incredibly crass and insensitive and has also upset some people who have suffered the awful loss of a child.
If she compared your idea to the 'Make a Wish Foundation' charity and its followers then perhaps she just has a warped sense of humour.
I do hope that you have sorted out your other problems.
I admit I do find it sad that people think its 'a bit make a wish foundation.' No one would disagree that the foundation do awesome things which enrich a child's life so why is it OTT to do similar things for your own child? They are only young and believing in magic for a short time, surely we should make the most of it rather than turning them into being sceptical and scornful before their time?
I'm the world's most prosaic parent - I never even told my DCs Santa was real - and a bit mean and we rarely had much money, so our special occasions were rare and never stretched to Florida. But it's nice, really nice, to save up and plan something special which you know your children will love. It doesn't matter if it isn't something you'd do yourself by choice now you're GROWN UP FFS (aimed at those who have the horrors about people dressing up as animals etc; so do I, but I'm not 5 years old). And you certainly don't need the reason that it's the last chance you'll ever have to do something special with that child
ps OP's friend is a miserable old cow.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
They are only young and believing in magic for a short time
I think like you, whereas although everyone has the right to their own opinion I think that some people are just misery guts and suck the fun out of life
You are giving your dd a childhood to remember. Nothing wrong with that.
In regards to your friend, is she just jealous of what you're doing?
I agree that they are only young and believe in magic for such a short time, but there is a difference between leaving out a mince pie for Father Christmas, for example, and doing a whole chap in a costume leaping up to them to present them with tickets sort of thing. One feels like tradition and the other feels contrived and OTT, but that's just my opinion.
This is a fairy floss thread, how come nobody other than Fanjo hasn't pounced on TSC's comment?
Haven't read all the thread, but wow there are some really shitty comments in what i have.
So what if you think it's OTT or not something you'd do. If the op wants to do it and she thinks her dd will love it then good for her. Go for it , and I hope your dd has a lovely surprise. I think it's a fab idea, my ds would have loved it when he was small especially if we'd swapped Mickey for Buzz Lightyear!
Because we all feel much the same about stretch limos? Don't know about 10 year olds, round here it's chavvy hairdressers.
I think it sounds a fabulous idea and I only wish me and dh had that kind of imagination. in fact, I can see we need to be a bit more like this.
Your friend sounds very miserable to be around and a spoiler. I hope she doesn't speak like this in front of your dd. and ceases to in front of you. I wouldn't be spending too much time with her in future. She sounds jealous of your dd and her happiness.
She's jealous. It's a lovely thing to do. Make sure you show her all the photos!
"They are only young and believing in magic for a short time, surely we should make the most of it rather than turning them into being sceptical and scornful before their time?"
They believe in magic for way longer if you don't overdo the unbelievable stunts.
athing Im really curious why you think someone dressing up is an "unblelievable stunt", rather just what it is - someone dressing up for fun?
Well Flogging I feel as though you are being a bit disingenous there, we all know 'fat' 'chav' and other value judgements aren't encouraged. I dunno about hairdressers though.
It was OTT, and not something I'd do personally. But she should not have made the comment she did and is very much in the wrong.
Your friend sounds spiteful and mean.
Am about the comment about the holiday not being 'A world cruise' hardly a nice thing to say either.
I think it's great that you are creating something she will always remember, not all memories can be spontaneous, they do need planning, what's wrong with that?
I cringe when I see screeching kids/teens/pissed women hanging out of limo's. TSC's comment is not far off tbf. I live near such an estate in Trafford. Not all of them are fat though. Only half. Bad TSC. Any of that caper back home in County Kerry and we'd be doubting the sanity of the parents involved. A rake of money and shite all to do with it.
Anyway. I had a terrible childhood. With my kids I just do the things my mum didn't and I wanted her to like reading stories, clean pyjamas, fresh underwear daily, not going to school stinking of fags, beer and wee, not leaving my eldest in charge while I go out for a piss up, not beating them up if one of them creeps up behind me and goes "raaaargh!" you know that kind of thing? Nothing wrong with OP's preferences though. I'd dump that friend quicker than a hot turd. Nowty oul witch.
It's a stunt because instead of just telling the child they are going, which should be exciting and "magical" enough, they have to make a big production out of it.
And it's unbelievable because they're trying to convince a 5 yo that the actual, real Mickey Mouse is coming to their house.
I have a very unworldly, magic-believing 5 year old. But she would know a man in a Mickey Mouse costume was a man in a Mickey Mouse costume.
It just stretches credulity too far.
Was I the only one to not be moved by the cute girl finding out she was going to Disney posted on here
The point about saying the costume is ott or not what we would do is to point out that even those who think it is unnecessary think the friend was out of order.
If I am honest OP I think you are being OTT BUT it doesn't offend me and its not my business. You are not hurting anyone.
We wend to Disneyland Paris. MY DD was terminally ill.
We went to the meeting place, she knew we were going but when we got there my DS1 said goodbye and I said 'oh, you not coming then?'
He didn't have a clue but all the nurses and other families did
His face was worth the subterfuge.
Aww Mrs D! I bet that was amazing.
ChristmasJubilee you would think Im OTT to then as I to decorate the house at Christmas and Halloween I love it and the kids all love it. Its just a bit of fun for us all
Haha - we do hallowe'en over kill here too, house becomes " Haunted Mansion" though ours includes a party with bloody chocolate fountains & pumpkin head brains dip etc too - the kids love it & its the only one DD will still buy into
Amazed at the Limo comments though - around here its stil more MC type families who do this for their DCs - one of DDs school friends had one as a surprise pick up from school, drove out to a local beauty spot then took them onto a restaurant - they loved it - you rarely see kids in them, its usually more hen parties
Not much of a friend is she?
Actually another thing I've seen is a "For Hire Engine". Its a fire engine decked out a bit like a limo but with pole and male stripper inside. Thats for the hens and older birthday ladies obviously. I did see it picking up young boys at lazer quest a few weeks ago.
I do hope they removed the pole and smells of cheap perfume and testosterone beforehand
But athing whats wrong with making a big production as you put it if its making a child happy? Yes going on holiday is exciting but it doesn't have to be one or the other surely....and I havent seen anything said by the OP that she is trying to convince her DD that it is the "real" Mickey Mouse in any of her posts, unless I've missed it, its her DD that thinks they are real so hardly trying to convince. if her DD believes this and along comes Mickey I cant see the harm.
rockinhippy oooh sounds like our house at Halloween. DS1 (whos over 6 foot) hates it as hes always walking into the webs I hang from the ceiling everywhere. Weve also got one of those giant butlers that talks. Your party sounds like fun, I did a buffet last year with loads of stuff like that (youve given me some more ideas!), I baked some cookies in the shape of fingers, put a sliced almond on for a nail and then covered around it with strawberry jam to look like blood.
What a crass thing for your friend to say
Seems a shame to miss an opportunity to have a look at what they actually do - or any donations if anyone's got a couple of quid going spare
That sounds great Shesariver. We made hands by filling latex gloves with red water and floating them in the apple bob bucket. Looked very spooky.
And freezing them. Forgot that bit. I remember one of the mums at school making realistic looking hands by freezing butterscotch angel delight in gloves. Made me feel a bit sick actually...
OP, carry on doing with what you see to be good enough for your DD. I always did similar for my DD's, now 27-15, they still talk about past events. I did OTT (in others opinion) events, their friends still talk about the stuff that they took part in. Recently I surprised my 17 year old with tickets in Paris to see a last EU performance of her favourite dance group. However she was equally happy with her Sponge Bob pjs and matching socks, at Easter, so it doesn't mean that they carry on needing big expensive stuff. We all have our own personalities and I like to theme whatever I am doing, as you must do, I don't understand why you would come up with an idea and then decide that it is to much for a person who is supposed to mean the world to you, without getting into debt, of course. Stay away from people who suck the joy and life out of everything.
What's wrong with it?
Well nothing much if you're into making big pointless dramas about things.
I just think that kind of thing steals a bit of magic from children, because it's so tacky and so obviously fake.
You think it makes them happy. I think they know they're meant to play happy in their parent's personal drama.
I don't think children need adults manufacturing "magic" for them.
It comes from them. And too much adult involvement just kills it.
I should have added that I Paris themed everything around the add on gift, which she loved.
What's with all the catsbumface, how ott comments? OP has said she had a rotten time as a child and wants to do a nice thing for her DD.
What the actual fuck.
I think my hand would have "accidentally" found her face if anyone had said that to me. That's a SHOCKING thing to say. What, just because she isn't dying, she doesn't deserve to have a nice time?! She should suffer with the rest of us and be miserable just because there isn't something wrong with her?!
Fuck me, that's just the most stupid logic I've ever heard...
That sounds lovely. Ignore your 'friend'.
Touch if the green cheese,,you go for it,she will love it.be sure to show the photos when you get back
"AThing", it mite have a touch of drama about it, or rather creativity, but it certainly isn't pointless.
I'm a bit speechless.
What an utterly vicious thing to say.
I'd drop her fast.
You are making magical moments for your child. Those memories will last forever.
Your friend sounds nasty, bitter and actually rather envious. It LOVED it when my parents surprised me like this. I never got big things like Disney tickets but we got special presents presented in special ways.
Children can and do make their own fun but that does not mean that special events such as this will not be appreciated, enjoyed or cherished. Anyone saying otherwise is being sour grapes.
It's the inference regarding the ' terminally ill child ' I find horrible.
Yeah, I guess I reject the idea that creating big dramas is creative in any positive way.
What's creative about renting a Mickey Mouse suit? What's imaginative about it?
Adjectives I would reach for are tiresome, tacky and mundane.
"Woooooooo, we're going to Disney. Now let's flog that horse until it's dead months before we even pack our bags."
Apologies for possibly triggering Grand National imagery on the day that's in it.
It's not something I would do either but I wouldn't slate anyone else that did. It's up to them. It's hardly detrimental to the child is it?
I'm quite a cynical person, but holy shit, I'm amazed at the kill joy attitude being shown by some.
How can people be so scathing because someone wants to do something nice for their child
Have none of your friends ever said anything that has upset you or we have disagreed with.
The reference to treating her as though she terminally ill of course is wrong but no one on here ever said somethng stupid
have many times obviously ^
getting all very dramatic drop her, she is no friend is all a little precious so she thought it was silly so what
Well the look on a child's face when being given a present in a showy manner, says different, it's a bit like them entering a fully decorated house at Christmas. It's just an extension of theming a party, with the cake to match, rather than picking one up on the day from Iceland.
I think.its fun to do these things occasionally.
Ds2 and his friends still remember darth vader coming to his party.
When ds1 turned four he was really into undersea type stuff. So in the weeks leading up to his bday dp and i made loads of decorations in this theme. Then once he was in bed the night before his bday we put them all up, covered the sofa with blue throw and all the walls and furniture with blue tissue paper and pretend seaweed and fish etc. I had stuff hanging from the ceiling etc. Took us hours we were up doing it till the early hours of the morning but the look on his face in the morning was priceless and he had his friends round for a party. they are all 13/14 now but they still remember the party and the decirations.
Was it over the top? Yes probably but dp and i enjoyed planning and doing it and it was worth it. One of the decorations was a lighthouse and a plane pulling a happy birthday banner. We drew and made it ourselves and we still have it, oh and a hot air balloon tbat ds1 still has up on the wall of his bedroom!
We have done all sorts, and doing something 'big' doesnt mean you have to do something bigger and better next time.
Meh i enjoy doing stuff like this, its fun.
Kids are very good at figuring out and giving the desired reaction.
You can bake a cake without a party theme.
But nice little dig there pretending people who
are afraid of don't enjoy organised FUN are lazy and get frozen cakes in the world's worst shop.
Well my kids dont always give the reaction i expect.
Ds4 turned 5 a few weeks ago. He had asked for s lego ninjago cake so i made him one. His reaction when he saw it was to burst into tears ans howl because i had made a blue lego ninjago and he had wanted a green ninjago... Mummy fail! He got ovet it and lovef the cake and i can look back and laugh at his 'trauma'
I was impressec at my restraint as i didnt shove the cake in his face
"When ds1 turned four he was really into undersea type stuff. So in the weeks leading up to his bday dp and i made loads of decorations in this theme. Then once he was in bed the night before his bday we put them all up, covered the sofa with blue throw and all the walls and furniture with blue tissue paper and pretend seaweed and fish etc. I had stuff hanging from the ceiling etc. Took us hours we were up doing it till the early hours of the morning but the look on his face in the morning was priceless and he had his friends round for a party. they are all 13/14 now but they still remember the party and the decirations."
OK, that's cool.
And totally magical.
But no 5 year old had to pretend that Kwazii was really at their party. (Disclaimer: I know there were no Octonauts then. Further disclaimer: the "real" Octononauts live in our house. DH and I didn't invite them.)
To me having a really cool decorated party is nothing like having fake Mickey for the announcement of a future holiday.
Athing...you're really over thinking all this
You sound like a really, really lovely Mum and your DD's are very lucky to have you I've only read your posts, not the replies as I'm sure you've had a mixed response - varying from 'how fab' to 'what the fuck??' - but seriously, stop caring what anyone else thinks. You enjoy it, your DD enjoys it (and I'm sure DD2 will as well when she's old enough!). As you said, you had a crap childhood and you want to make your DD's childhood as lovely as you can. You say she is lovely, that she isn't 'spoilt or demanding' so where is the harm? No-where, that's where!!
Christ only knows why your friend would say something so revolting - I'd be re-considering my friendship with someone who would say that. I'm with you - if she'd said it was OTT I'd have said 'Yeah - and??' and wouldn't have been annoyed - but saying what she said, it's horrible.
Carry on, enjoy every moment with them, they're only little for such a short time and ignore any mardy arses who think children should be happy to get a penny on their birthday's if they're lucky
Oh - and please ignore the rogue apostrophe - not sure where that came from
McBalls - I'll overthink whatever you want. I'm on my 6th day of a throat so sore I have to make an appointment to swallow.
I'm the product of a mother who, upon hearing the ice cream van on the street would send me out for a cone with a flake and make me watch her eat it. Or run me a bath full of very hot water and threaten to hit me if I didn't sit in it.
I can only imagine what it must be like to have a mum like the OP.
It was ahorrinle thing to say
I do think, however, that sometimes we parents do things to fulfil our own needs. Much of the time that is OK. But what about if the childmis not grateful, what if they beome spoiled. We can't make our children's life some sort of compensation or redress for our own.
I haven't read the whole thread so apologies if I'm repeating something anyone else has said but as a maaahoosive Disney fan I'd warn against this. Mickey in Disney is likely to be quite different to the costume you hire (and never speaks directly to kids). My kids believe they're all real too and I think meeting a character that was different to the US versions may make them reconsider.
What an awful "friend". Your DD is 5 FGS, why can't you make it really special for her. Your "friend" sounds jealous. I'm going to Disney at the end of April with my 2.9 yo niece, my sister, mother and father. My sister has bought her DD a Rapunzel dress for her build-a-bear so they will be dressed the same. Enjoy this special time with your DD and ditch your "friend".
Aaaw it sounds like something i'd want to do but never get round to!
i'm a right lazy sod
If your own childhood blows it's quite obvious you'll try and make your dcs a bit better - making memories that are good ones whether 'natural' or orchestrated is the important part.
It's just like hiring bob the builder or a clown to a birthday party - it's to enhance the memory, tickets to disney world wow, tickets from mickey for disney world wow mum it's dead embarrassing now but ong i still love it (i'm thinking teenage years here!)
bitch friend may have more money than you but it seems she has a lot less heart.
I think some of the po faced attitudes here are just people being a bit snobby about Disney really.
I've posted in this vein before, but I do really hate all this choreographed "making memories" shite. It is so forced and fake and over the top.
But I can see how people who had bad childhoods can be drawn to grand gestures and not feel confident enough in their parenting. So I think what your friend said was vicious and cruel and incredibly crass, but I probably would have been doing a bit of internal eye rolling. (If that was physically possible).
I wouldn't have said "terminally ill" but I would have thought you were being OTT.
I've watched a friend whose child has a terminal illness and I wouldn't wish that on anyone no matter how many Disney trips they got so I'm totally about that.
But it's totally OTT to do the stuff you do, in my opinion.
I think the po-faced attitudes are inspired by people who love getting offended and enjoy telling people to ditch their friends.
I don't like Disney. I find it weird and the marketing makes me angry. What your 'friend' said was truly spiteful. You're basically spending £10 to make the holiday seem more real to your DD. I can't see how that is OTT, but even if you were hiring a marching band and acrobats to accompany 'Micky', it still wouldn't come close to justifying that comment.
I think that the comment from the poster's Aunt (can't remember who) is very true. Spoiling children is a lot more about what you don't do, like not setting boundaries or saying no to them, than the treats you give them.
Think it's a bit off to suggest people who have had bad childhoods do not feel confident in their parenting.
Nope, there is definitive whiff of anti-Disney on MN at times!
moomin thats quite offensive. Loving how warped it seems to me that by someone dressing up to make a child happy its "forced, fake and OTT". Some people are just miserable really.
I agree with isla here - bad childhood does not mean under confident parenting i'm confused as to how that can make sense at all. People i know who have had it rough tend to be more secure in the choices they make for their children.
I am really not trying to offend anyone here. I just have personal experience of a couple of people, who by their own admission had bad childhoods, feeling that they had to go completely over the top to make sure they were doing a good enough job.
I am talking stuff like people who never had any decent clothes as a kid, making sure their own kid has designer stuff: Tesco/Primark does not cut it for them.
And yes I can understand why people do this.
But sometimes grand gestures are just about showing off and more for the parents's benefit than the child's.
There is a reason why "Disney Dad" has become a well used phrase. Good parenting is more about putting the everyday hard miles in.
I bet the OP really regrets starting this thread now.
Really, how horrible to pull to bits something that is simply meant as a nice surprise and imply she's doing it for selfish reasons, doesn't know to parent etc.
I am not slagging the OP or her nice surprise, I am merely expressing my own opinion that grand gestures are not always what they seem.
I assume the OP started this thread because she was interested in people's opinions not because she was angling for a unilateral pat on the back. She did post in AIBU after all.
Your friend's comment was a bit mean, but I can sort of see what she means. I'm surprised your daughter would still believe someone in a costume was real at the age of five, but children mature at different rates (my seven year old has seemed like an old man in some ways since he was born!). I know my son would say "mum what on earth are you doing" if I pulled a stunt like that.
That being said, it is nice to treat kids if you can afford it. You're doing nothing wrong and sound like a very lovely mum. Each to their own I suppose.
I daresay the OP realised some people would have different opinions, but I'm sure she didn't anticipate the uninvited pop-psych analysis of her parenting techniques.
If she'd confessed something awful then I would understand the angst but all she's done is arrange a treat for her daughter and had the audacity to be hurt by an offensive comment from a friend.
Can it not simply be that she wanted to do something nice for her daughter? Not everything has an ulterior motive.
I think I see Moomins point.
If you have had a shit childhood you may not realise that really good memories are not organised by someone else, but come from simply having a good time with Mum and Dad. If you dont have good memories of your own then perhaps the idea of Mickey Mouse delivering tickets or the "real" Easter bunny coming to the door seems like a good one. But people who had a good childhood and have good memories know that none of that stuff is needed.
The memories she will keep are of the holiday, not how she got there, because the most important thing isnt Mickey or Minnie or Donald Duck, but Mummy and Daddy. I do think that is is a self confidence thing, based on a lack of experience.
Nobody is saying that 'orchestrated' events are necessary to create good memories and of course many great memories come from spontaneous events and nice day to day stuff.
I think you are overthinking a one off display of extravagance.
Why anyone would feel the need to shit all over it is beyond me.
Certainly didn't expect a psychological analysis based on the hire of a Micky Mouse costume! I agree with whoever said that the important things are doing what you wish you had done for you when you were a child - hence why DD has stories every night and weekend mornings in bed, why we bake every Sunday to have cakes to take in packed lunch, why she's allowed to make mud pies and get filthy in the garden digging for worms etc. I don't think a trip to Disney makes a good childhood, it's just a fun holiday. My childhood was mum trying to stab me bad, not mum making me wear primark clothes bad, for the record so I'm very secure in my parenting knowing that however I parent it cannot be worse than my own parents!
Oh princess your mum did that?
Who's psycho analysing you? Must have too much time on their hands.
My dcs have a better childhood than I did, by far. Nothing near as bad as you had though.
Oh and we once hired a limo and took the whole family out to lunch at a posh hotel. DCS were ecstatic and very young. Oldies were too. Exdh had won some money.
I'm one of those parents who DC has had a wish granted by the Starlight Wish Foundation (y'know, cos I own one of those 'sick' kids ). Her comment is fucking disgraceful and she isnt just a shit friend but an absolute twat of a human being.
I never get the overtreating of DC's issue, Some DC's will have more than others, but as along as a parent is raising children correctly with discipline, then treats such as DisneyWorld or other such things aren't going to 'spoil' a child.
Personally our DC's have been treated a lot and I do go overboard sometimes. So fucking what. I have a DC who might not live to adulthood - why the hell shouldn't we celebrate and enjoy the life we do have? Weird fucking attitude to never go OTT occasionally.
I hope you have a lovely time OP.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
That sounds lovely OP! Have a lovely time. I'm sure your DD will love it, I know mine would.
Seriously didn't mean to sound like I was inviting folk to flame you, was just a bit
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