to think the world does not need 'gender reveal parties'?

(282 Posts)

My cousin, clearly the first woman in the world to ever give birth wink, has just had something called a gender reveal party.

They went for the scan, then had friends and family around, ramped up the suspense for a couple hours, then she opened a big box of balloons that were.... pink! It's a girl! Awwww.

AIBU to think this is the wankiest thing ever? Or am I a joyless hag?

My family think it's cute so I need you nest of vipers lot to restore my faith in humanity.

Finola1step Thu 04-Apr-13 09:25:46

Eh? I've never heard of this before. Her poor friends, having to fake all that excitement.

habbibu Thu 04-Apr-13 09:26:16

Scans not always accurate, either. I'd go for yellow balloons. Our perhaps a tasteful beige.

Purple2012 Thu 04-Apr-13 09:26:20

Ha ha. That made me laugh. I've never heard of that before!

Sugarice Thu 04-Apr-13 09:26:41

I've heard of these parties being hugely popular in the States,having a lovely tea party then cutting open the celebration cake revealing pink or blue filling!

It's not my thing either , yanbu!

MorrisZapp Thu 04-Apr-13 09:27:07

It's Pinterest.

They have gender reveal cakes on there, I shit you not.


Finola1step Thu 04-Apr-13 09:27:22

Just had a thought... What if the sonographer got it wrong? Hee Hee.

TheNebulousBoojum Thu 04-Apr-13 09:27:39

Need no. Want yes.
No harm done by holding one, so I'd let them be.

Omnishambolic Thu 04-Apr-13 09:27:49

That is over excited first time parent-to-be nonsense. I blame her friends and family for enabling her though.

I would laugh myself sick if the baby turned out to be a boy after all that.

CockyFox Thu 04-Apr-13 09:28:07

I can't help but hope the people who do naff things like that are the ones where the sonographer got it wrong. I am a bit mean though.

Flojobunny Thu 04-Apr-13 09:30:13

YABU and a party pooper! I think its a good excuse for a party if u ask me!

EasilyBored Thu 04-Apr-13 09:30:24

1) Yes, you are not a joyless hag. I'm putting gender reveal parties further up the list of things I think are tacky and unnecessary than baby showers.

2) It is not gender you find out at the scan. It is the sex. This absolutely drives me potty.

Ohhelpohnoitsa Thu 04-Apr-13 09:30:25

I suppose its cute as long as you only invite guests who will be gushily interested - probably gps & siblings I guess. Other than those vested interest people, it would be a little ott and cringey. I like the way she did it though - the box of balloons.

phantomnamechanger Thu 04-Apr-13 09:30:30

I know several people who have had the "wrong" gender baby according to the scans!

It's daft.

Pascha Thu 04-Apr-13 09:30:38

Very wanky. I would happily go along with it though, if it meant free cake.

Smudging Thu 04-Apr-13 09:32:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sokmonsta Thu 04-Apr-13 09:32:26

I'd be far more amused if she opened a box of yellow balloons to her friends and family and told them they were keeping it a secret.

I don't mind whether people want to find out/tell people or whether they don't. But to hold a party to reveal it is just attention seeking. Do they expect gifts? Is it a prequel to the baby shower? Gah!

Next there will be baby naming parties where everyone puts names in and the parents to be draw however many they want out!

Ohhelpohnoitsa Thu 04-Apr-13 09:34:06


Cantbelieveitsnotbutter Thu 04-Apr-13 09:34:17

But was the baby ok?

Or am I missing the actual point of a scan?!?

Ohhelpohnoitsa Thu 04-Apr-13 09:34:22


Sugarice Thu 04-Apr-13 09:34:31
glorious Thu 04-Apr-13 09:36:58

easily I'm so glad you said that, when I was pregnant I was forever saying 'no, we don't know the -sex- and nobody could tell you the gender at this stage'. I got a lot of puzzled looks.

Trills Thu 04-Apr-13 09:37:01

YANBU - the world does not need them.

I'd like to say ah, let them have their fun if they enjoy that sort of thing but actually I disagree with the idea that someone's sex/gender is as important as this kind of thing makes it out to be.

bridgetsmum Thu 04-Apr-13 09:39:04

Stupid idea, and I love the word wanky and will use it often grin

Easily bored. I just looked up difference between sex and gender, interesting, thanks for pointing that out. Never thought about it before smile

CockyFox Thu 04-Apr-13 09:40:55

I am puzzled by the sex or gender question, I thought they meant the same thing?

I saw the cakes a while ago, they are horrid the whole concept is horrid, who cares what the unborn baby is. Lets just get to it being born healthy and then you can start celebrating the insignificant things.

I don't understand why, what bits a baby or young child has is important to anyone. Apart from choosing a name, it bares no impact in anyone elses lifes (aside from genetic disorders that have a gender link).

CockyFox Thu 04-Apr-13 09:44:59

Oh have googled now, gender is cultural personal identification - nonsense.

Theicingontop Thu 04-Apr-13 09:45:40

YABU, because I get feckloads of customers wanting gender-reveal cakes.


eccentrica Thu 04-Apr-13 09:45:47

Sex is biological physique, gender is culturally learned behaviour, these parties are awful ;-

eccentrica Thu 04-Apr-13 09:46:15

And that was meant to be a wink!

glorious Thu 04-Apr-13 09:46:24

fox sex is biological whereas gender is what someone identifies themselves as. I didn't know either until I embarrassed myself once smile

I can't get steamed up about gender parties/baby showers/gift lists etc. Let other people get on with what makes them happy. I don't understand the foaming about it.

And I think it's incredibly naive to suggest that no one should care about what sex their baby is. People do, it's life.

thanks ladies grin

I have to say, it's increasingly annoying living in a Pinterest world. It's like there are so many more things I have to pretend to care about!

Easily great point about gender vs sex. Another reason to hate the whole idea.

I should say as well, my cousin is American, so if the scan turns out to be wrong there will no doubt be a lawsuit in the works wink

icing I will totally accept AIBU in your case! Are you in the UK? Is it really becoming a thing there?

HesterShaw Thu 04-Apr-13 09:53:47

God, I've heard it all now hmm. Wanky is right

I think what people are forgetting in these FB and Twitter driven times is their lives are not as interesting or exciting to other people.

EasilyBored Thu 04-Apr-13 09:54:43

I understand people caring. We certainly wanted to know the sex, just so we were not limited to only buying while clothes (as it was we bought a lot of purple, green, yellow etc, not just blue), but it also made us feel like the whole thing was a bit more 'real'. The part I object to is the whole 'it's a girl/boy! Here's a load of frilly pink/blue cars lets just get this kid all well and labelled before it's even taken it's first breath!' And do not even get me started on naming babies before they are even born.

I find it all a bit tacky to be honest. Gender reveal party and grabby baby shower. Why can't people enjoy having a new baby without it being this giant production. We had a little meet the baby type party when DS was a couple of weeks old, everyone came over for some cakes but there was absolutely no expectation of gifts.

TakingTheStairs Thu 04-Apr-13 09:56:05

Why on earth does it bother you? If it's not for you, don't go to the party.
Or does it make you feel smug & superior to sneer at others because you don't agree with their reasons for excitement.

Librarina Thu 04-Apr-13 09:56:07

I'm glad someone else asked about the gender/sex thing cos I'm never very sure.

My sex is female - that's biology, X & Y chromosomes, that sort of thing. If I have gender reassignment surgery, my chromosomes will stay the same, so I will always be biologically female.

My gender is ... about identity? I identify myself female, however other people may identify themselves as something other than their biological sex, and you might even define yourself as gender-neutral?

Is that right? I'm practically tying myself in knots attempting not to be offensive to anyone.

Either way, any excuse for a party and I like cake very much but I wouldn't have a party to reveal anything about this baby just in case something goes wrong before they're safely in my arms.

thebody Thu 04-Apr-13 09:58:33

Ar am guessing its a Pfb.

When she gets to number 4 noone gives a shite!

Seriously she sounds a hoot, wait till potty training she will probably have a poo in the potty party!!!

At least you will have a good laugh as time progresses.

catlady1 Thu 04-Apr-13 09:59:17

I'm another who just can't seem to get wound up about this. It's not something I'd do myself, but if other people want to throw a party then why not? Life, for the most part, is pretty dull, so surely any reason for cake celebration is a good thing.

Mondayschild78 Thu 04-Apr-13 10:01:59

Definitely wanky. However, I am going to tell my friends we are having such a party though now I'm preg with #2

Just for a laugh like! grin

maddening Thu 04-Apr-13 10:09:08

I don't know anyone who wasn't interested in the sex of their baby - whether they found out at the scan or keeping it a surprise for the birth. And what sex the baby is is always one of the first questions - so I don't get all those suggesting that no one should care.

Personally wouldn't have a party or a shower or even christening/naming party but it doesn't bother me that others do.

anothershittynickname Thu 04-Apr-13 10:14:13

YANBU - I also think that this is the wankiest (word steal) ever and they should be celebrating the fact that the baby is ok xx

anothershittynickname Thu 04-Apr-13 10:15:37

Wankiest thing ever*

LokiTheCynicalCat Thu 04-Apr-13 10:20:43

I had one. It was fun, just an excuse to have friends over for cake.

We have a really good home for parties, but both of our birthdays fell too late into my pregnancy to celebrate with a party, and we didn't think we'd be up for hosting parties post-pregnancy because, well, you never know what's gonna happen with the birth. We needed a good second trimester excuse.

Anyway I was rubbish at keeping secrets so everyone knew the damn thing was blue before we cut it.

I assumed this was about adults from the title grin

fuzzysnout Thu 04-Apr-13 10:24:07

I thought you were going to say it was one of those lentil weavery extremists families who give their child a gender neutral name e.g. Storm or Rain and refuse to tell anyone the sex until the child is 26 so that they are not defined by the gender expectations of others.

YANBU, I'm joining the nest of vipers to say we really don't need parties with boxes of balloons or colour reveal cakes however sweet & harmless it is. America, you are a great country in many ways, but please keep your twee crap to yourselves. There is something in the British psyche which makes us scoff & tut at your excesses and then ultimately copy them. We are weak sad

Pancakeflipper Thu 04-Apr-13 10:25:19

Dream - yep you are a humourless old hag cos it's made me giggle.

I feel left out as we went for 'surpise' and never found out the gender at the scans for our children. Boring old fart me - missed out on a cake and balloon opportunity.

Fucksake. I'm shocked at the stupidity of the posters who are making holier than thou comments regarding being so interested in the sex of your baby, that you are automatically too preoccupied to give a thought to the health of your child. You can do both hmm

sjupes Thu 04-Apr-13 10:27:54

I wouldn't do it and i wouldn't go to one either.

Important people i told by phone the rest by facebook.

The sheer effort of having to throw a party uch sad but i'm a lazy miserable sod wallowing in my pregnancy induced sleepy spell and everything is too much effort ..

JamieandtheMagicTorch Thu 04-Apr-13 10:31:59

I hate parties, especially ones that are a big old excuse for attention-seeking/ present so can't really get into the whole " any excuse for a party" argument.

I may be a miserable sod though

JamieandtheMagicTorch Thu 04-Apr-13 10:33:14



EuroShaggleton Thu 04-Apr-13 10:40:12

I don't get why parents to be think that anyone other than very close family is going to care deeply about the sex of their baby. We had some friends who found out but refused to tell anyone. I really don't get that. Having a party about it is completely ridiculous.

LokiTheCynicalCat Thu 04-Apr-13 10:40:36

Definitely a miserable sod Jamie wink it's nice to have an excuse for a get-together with friends, especially when you don't drink anymore and suddenly start to prefer an early bed-time... Might as well have them round for cake on a pretext they wouldn't be churlish enough to refuse! (You don't want to celebrate the imminent arrival of a tiny baby to two good friends? YOU MONSTER!) grin

But I'm with you all on the presents/baby shower thing. Grabby. Ugh. Anyone who asked me if they should bring a present was met with "don't you fucking dare...!"

I had a free 3D scan as part of a training session - not an anomaly scan, although I'm not sure it makes much difference.

They offered to tell me the sex, but DH wasn't with me (he was home looking after DS who was sick) and I really wanted us to find out together.

The doctor wrote the sex on one of the scan pictures and sealed it in an envelope. On my way home, I stopped at a party shop and for the grand price of £3.50 they checked the envelope, inflated the appropriate colour balloon, and put it in a box without me seeing.

DH did not know I had found out the sex, although I knew he wanted to know. The next day was Mother's Day, and we let DS open the box. It was a lovely present to myself, I got to share the moment with DH, and DS had fun with the balloon.

The 3 of us enjoyed it, so <raspberries> to the killjoys grin

YANBU lol I def wouldn't do one of these! First of all, imagine the pressure of going for your scan, where presumably you're also finding out if everything with the baby is ok, knowing you have family and friends all gathered round in your house waiting to see pink or blue balloons. Maybe I'm just a bit joyless cos I've had 2 mcs and I had a lot of bleeding at the start of my current pg (tho touch wood everything seems to be fine now) so I can't imagine anything worse / naff / more twee than a gender reveal party. A healthy baby is what matters and I thought the 'gender reveal' was supposed to be the phonecall you make to all family / good friends after the baby arrives?

PS) browneyesblue - that is so elaborate but a very lovely way for you, DH and DS to all find out together grin I don't have a problem with anyone celebrating finding out their baby's sex or anything, I just don't get why anyone would throw a big cheesy party and insist on presents!

Bunbaker Thu 04-Apr-13 10:49:08

" It is not gender you find out at the scan. It is the sex"

What's the difference?

slightlysoupstained Thu 04-Apr-13 10:51:56

I was expecting the thread to be about grownup gender reveal. There I was thinking "well, I guess if you're quite the extrovert type then maybe just throwing a big party so you can tell everyone in one go and get all the questions over with might make sense..."

In two minds about parties for foetuses. On the one hand, parties are nice and expectant first-time parents get to be all excited with friends and family around. On the other hand, they seem potentially a bit tacky, sex isn't the most important thing about the baby, and I'd hate it to become an expected thing. What if you found out something terrible at the 20 week scan and you'd already organised a big party?

Mind you, I was enough of a worrier that I didn't tell anyone beyond a small group that I was expecting until after the 20 week scan. I was wearing somewhat baggier clothes by then but had been eating enough pies that nobody guessed. grin

expatinscotland Thu 04-Apr-13 10:52:18

YANBU. I can't think of anything stupider.

SpecialAgentTattooedQueen Thu 04-Apr-13 10:52:47

*Trills Thu 04-Apr-13 09:37:01
YANBU - the world does not need them.

I'd like to say ah, let them have their fun if they enjoy that sort of thing but actually I disagree with the idea that someone's sex/gender is as important as this kind of thing makes it out to be.*

^ This. I can't quite put my finger on why, but something about it makes me ^deeply uncomfortable. I'm thinking it's probably the gender stereotyping but... I don't know.

On a lighter note I'd be grumpy if I had to fork out for a baby shower pressie, a congratulations you've had pre-mentioned baby pressie, as well as two gender specific (eww) pressies for a gender reveal party.

But like I said it's not the embarrassingly tackiness of it, it's the stereotyping.

We have enough problems overseas with baby girls not even being wanted, imagine if this caught on in China? A 'we're so sorry it's not a boy' gift if it's a girl? O_O

JamieandtheMagicTorch Thu 04-Apr-13 10:53:05


Imam not a total griouch. That is a lovely story.

SuburbanRhonda Thu 04-Apr-13 10:57:26

Hmmm, don't think they'd get as many attendees if they called it a "sex-reveal" party. Or maybe it would attract the wrong ones!

EasilyBored Thu 04-Apr-13 10:57:30

Sex is biological. Gender is a social construct. Gender is a spectrum (I think that's the best way of putting it?).

This is an article on the WHO and this is good old wikipedia

EasilyBored Thu 04-Apr-13 11:01:07

Special I think that's what bothers me the most too? There's something about celebrating preconceived notions of what your child will be like, based on their sex, that makes me uncomfortable.

Plus, I just think it's all too much. Babies are great, lovely. Have one. Have a whole bunch. I'm happy for you. But why why why is there such a big song and dance and a million organised events generally showmanship about it now. Photoshoots every day throughout the pregnancy, pregnancy/sex reveal parties and photoshoots, baby showers and photoshoots in hospital etc. It's just too much for me.

Nah, I find it wanky and self-obsessed. But then again, I don't see the need for baby showers and engagement parties and suchlike either.

FormerlyKnownAsPrincessChick Thu 04-Apr-13 11:02:03

Naff, naff, naff...^in my humble cynical opinion^ but each to their own and if makes you happy.... I guess it's only cake and balloons at the end of the day. I just don't go in for all this pre-birth party stuff. And I know people who painted the nursery blue, bought all blue clothes, train sets etc etc etc and ended up team pink (and then I thought to myself that I like the colour blue and nagged for a train set and scalectrix and a barbie house and a tea set). Why are we so hung up on sodding colours for babies? confused

I liked the yellow balloon suggestion grin

On a separate note, I thought this thread was about an old, old client I spoke to who asked me if he should tick M or F on an application form yesterday.... ponders whether it's rude to ask a 75 year old to look in their pants for answer

SamuelWestsMistress Thu 04-Apr-13 11:02:24

Oh god that is so dickish!

belfastbigmillie Thu 04-Apr-13 11:12:06

I was told it was a girl and got a boy (was very happy as I'd secretly wanted a son) but as he was the first grandchild, my MIL had gone overboard buying frilly dresses etc (horrible ones) which I couldn't even flog on Ebay afterwards! DS ended up in pink babygros and cheapo stuff and all the expensive pink designer outfits ended up in the charity shop.

chocoluvva Thu 04-Apr-13 11:12:42

dreaming - you are not a joyless old hag. In fact you have restored my faith in humanity - so you are bringing joy to a fellow MNetter!

Graduation ceremonies for 4YO's, prom parties for primary-school leavers, limos to take school-leavers to their prom; ridiculous annoying NONSENSE.

What's next? Conception parties?

Arabesque Thu 04-Apr-13 11:19:05

YABU. We are inviting all our relatives around next week to tell them where we're going on holidays. We're going to have a cake and when we cut into it the flag of the country we're visiting will be revealed. We are not expecting any presents AT ALL, but I have told my mum that if anyone asks I would like flip flops, sarongs or American dollars.

Pancakeflipper Thu 04-Apr-13 11:24:32

Arabesque - I am having a really crap morning but that's made me giggle.

I am off to make a cake now to inform all our relatives what make of car we have just bought and collecting next week. I will instruct them that only tasteful car airfreshners are welcome and car mats for our gifts.

Letitsnow9 Thu 04-Apr-13 11:24:37

I think it's quite sweet, much much better than baby showers. I wouldn't have one myself and find the ones where the parents don't know until cutting the cake (the person doing the scan writes if its a boy or girl, puts it into the envelope which is handed to the cake maker), silly but I did get all misty eyed at a mum and dad cutting a 2 tier cake (they were having twins), the first layer was pink and then the second was cut to show blue, they were so happy and over the moon

feckless1 Thu 04-Apr-13 11:31:35

No, YANBU, and being a joyless hag is a tragically underated occupation. They really should call it a SEX REVEAL PARTY as it sounds like a lot more fun, but I'd imagine that the type of people who think that this pile of self-absorbed wank is a good idea struggle to say the word 'sex' out loud.

M0naLisa Thu 04-Apr-13 11:32:38

There was a woman on the post natal ward with me, She had 3 scans too never 20 weeks scan and 2 extra scans a sexing scan private at 16 weeks and a 4D scan at 28 weeks all revealing to be a girl n

Out popped a boy!!!

She had pink clothes pink pram pink Moses basket pink car seat everything was pink.
He was wearing pink baby grows. Her friends and family rallied round to get blue for her. She said the nursery at home was pink!!!
And they didn't have a name as the only named picked was for a girl.

crunchybiscuits Thu 04-Apr-13 11:37:00

Sex means what biological sex you are - basically, what do you have between your legs. Are you XX or XY?

Gender means how society treats you in terms of whether people see you as a 'boy' or a 'girl'. Most of the time, we say that male children are boys in gender (so we give them blue things, toy cars and call them handsome) and female children are girls in gender. (pink things, barbies and pretty).

I think gender roles tend to be way too restrictive and I try and let my ds play with whatever toys he chooses and where whatever colour he likes. He seems to like dressing up toy dinosaurs in barbie clothes (ripped a lot of them) and making his own clothes out of paper! grin

SpecialAgentTattooedQueen Thu 04-Apr-13 11:53:34

Arabesque Thu 04-Apr-13 11:19:05
YABU. We are inviting all our relatives around next week to tell them where we're going on holidays. We're going to have a cake and when we cut into it the flag of the country we're visiting will be revealed. We are not expecting any presents AT ALL, but I have told my mum that if anyone asks I would like flip flops, sarongs or American dollars.

Snort You're joking right? Why on earth would you need to assure people not to give you presents because you're going on a holiday? Why would you get presents in the first place? hmm Why would anyone ask if they need to bring a present?

I am a grumpy ass. I never wanted a baby shower (my DM was desperate though) But when I found out we were expecting DTs, that was my excuse as I refused to find out gender. I enjoyed dressing my boy and girl in yellow, green, pink, blue, whatever. Green is really DTD's 'colour' so if I'd only had pink to dress her in I would have been sad. Do my kids wear gender specific clothes? Of course. Do I give a shit if they don't? Of course not.

Their nursery is yellow with a strip of wallpaper with fish and ducks. Some of my happiest memories of being PG was the choosing mobiles, decorating the room, guessing names, whether they'd be identical, etc etc. Ignores memories of non stop farting and maternity jeans that made me look like I'd swallowed a few basketballs

Sorry for the rant. blush The idea of gender reveal parties has bought a very strong emotion out in me... Why put your child in a box before you even meet them? What's the point in having lots of blue and toy cars/trucks when all your DS wants is a tea set?

Okay, rant over sorry blush

MrsHoarder Thu 04-Apr-13 11:54:21

Is a sex reveal party where you reveal that you are pregnant ie have been having sex?

Arabesque grin

Actually I guess it's true that you could do something really sweet in connection with finding out boy or girl (lovely story browneyes!) I think it's just the whole big party thing that seems a bit over the top.

I'm taking on board the AIBUs though. It's true, I can just ignore it. I really don't think I'm being smug about it, it's just .... I don't know, it's just too much for me. If you want to have a party, have a party! It doesn't need a wanky name and a colour theme.

Although I do like the idea of gender reveal parties for grownups so perhaps I'm a big old hypocrite.

SpecialAgentTattooedQueen Thu 04-Apr-13 11:56:12

No, it's too reveal that OMG! My baby has a cock/vag! Aren't you excited!?!

Seriously, just save cake from your hen/stag do. hmm

Still18atheart Thu 04-Apr-13 11:57:48

Do I think that is rather tacky? yes

But any excuse for a party right, so long as they don't ask for any presents or produce a gift list for it

joolsangel Thu 04-Apr-13 11:58:29

ive never heard of these parties before. hilarious! for people whose heads are a mile of their arse perhaps!!

Bertrude Thu 04-Apr-13 11:59:18

Utterly, utterly wanky.

joolsangel Thu 04-Apr-13 11:59:58

oops - that should be mile up their arse! (not of their arse!)

stressyBessy22 Thu 04-Apr-13 12:00:22

nobody but the parents and possibly gps if a first grandchild is interested what sex someone elses baby is

orangebuccaneer Thu 04-Apr-13 12:00:30

I'm in the US and I get a 'parenting' magazine. One of the articles this time around was all the different options for revealing the gender at one of these horrific events.

My favorite was to give everyone a glass of water and then hand out sachets of colorless powder. Everyone pours this powder into their drinks at the same time, and the powder turns the water blue or pink....confused

I find these parties just the most navel-gaving thing ever. Surely congratulations on simply having a baby is enough: why do we need to get all flappy about its gender (since it's clearly going to be one or the other...)?

WhatKindofFool Thu 04-Apr-13 12:02:22

What??? UANBU.

I'm glad all my children were born whilst baby showers were still in the USA.

TheRivieraKid Thu 04-Apr-13 12:04:42

"Why put your child in a box before you even meet them? What's the point in having lots of blue and toy cars/trucks when all your DS wants is a tea set?"

^ THIS. I hate, absolutely despise the gender segregation based on colour. Drives me insane. DD wears whatever colour I pick out that day, her nursery is green. She plays with boy toys and girl toys (her fave at the moment is to put her toy cars in her pink handbag). This whole 'gender reveal' crap is just another way to push the way people (and the unborn children) into a pink = girls, boy = boys mentality. angry

TheRivieraKid Thu 04-Apr-13 12:05:48

I missed out a *think there I was so ranty grin





Now THAT is the wankiest idea ever. Good god.

TheRivieraKid Thu 04-Apr-13 12:06:27

Wow and *blue = boys too. Think I'll go for a lie down in a dark room...

carabos Thu 04-Apr-13 12:10:49

Call me old-fashioned but I thought the sex reveal usually happened at the birth.

It's not even that exciting is it? It's going to be male or female, there's nothing you can do to change it and whether it's "now" or "later" it will be revealed in the short term. Not much suspense there... grin <looks for get a life emoticon>

HazeltheMcWitch Thu 04-Apr-13 12:12:38

So, gender reveal wrt parties is probably more accurate (than sex reveal).

As it is basically saying here's what pigeon-hole we're plonking you into, like it or not, right? Willy? You'll love trains, and tractors and dinosaurs. And you'll wear blue and brown.

Lady-parts? Pink for you. And pretty things. And you'll have to be 'nice'. Do you like princesses yet? Kittens?

Tailtwister Thu 04-Apr-13 12:17:39

Not a new thing, been going on for years in the States.

It's not for me personally, but I care what other people do. If I was invited to one I would just go along with it and no doubt be excited along with everyone else.

I don't think YABU not to like them OP, but I don't see why it's an issue that other people do.

Tailtwister Thu 04-Apr-13 12:18:02

Should read 'but I don't care'

nenevomito Thu 04-Apr-13 12:18:06

Totally wank. I'd say more, but what else is there to say?

JenaiMorris Thu 04-Apr-13 12:18:19


Whilst I'm more than a little hmm about the gender stereotyping, these parties, like baby showers, are a cute bit of frilly nonsense.

You lot are miserable cahs.

chocoluvva Thu 04-Apr-13 12:21:18

Votes for which date to nominate as 'World Miserable Cah Day' anyone?

How about sometime in September - still free from conform-to-mass-commercialist-events as far as I know?

JenaiMorris Thu 04-Apr-13 12:21:42

i was going to say YANBU because of course the world doesn't need gender reveal parties.

It does however need at least some silly nonsense to make it worth inhabiting, so I stick to my original YABU.

JenaiMorris Thu 04-Apr-13 12:23:12

I'll make you some bunting out of old copies of the new Internationalist, chocca.

No commercialism required.

SpecialAgentTattooedQueen Thu 04-Apr-13 12:25:38

I'd rather be a miserable cah than hold a party and get gender specific presents and pigeonhole a person I have yet to meet.

Yep, my judgey pants are hoiked.

DoctorRobert Thu 04-Apr-13 12:28:07

YANBU. Extremely wanky to think that anybody other than close family will actually give a shit.

sherbetpips Thu 04-Apr-13 12:29:04

ha ha Pinterest is to blame! Have a look on there loads of gender reveal things

dizzyhoneybee Thu 04-Apr-13 12:29:05

If we'd done this then we'd have had the wrong colour cake smile

As an aside, a friend had the scan and wanted to keep it a big secret whether her PFB was a boy or girl. That was fine until I went to visit her one day and she had washed all the clothes in readiness and there was a neat little row of blue baby grows on the washing line in her not-at-all-private back garden grin

mnistooaddictive Thu 04-Apr-13 12:30:10

It makes me really uncomfortable. I think it is to do with knowing people who have had the worst news at scans. Also babies do die before they are born or during birth etc. I guess that I think we shouldn't celebrate until the baby has arrived. I had 4 mc though do that probably influences me. I could never allow myself too much hope as it felt like tempting fate!

shrinkingnora Thu 04-Apr-13 12:30:21

Chocoluvva - sorry, can't do September, I'll be busy getting Christmas sorted.

MrsKoala Thu 04-Apr-13 12:32:31

This is one of those things which makes me think i was raised by wolves or am a replicant. i had no one to care i was pregnant let alone give a shit about the sex. mum and dad were underwhelmed at best. DH and i did not consider finding out and actually after the birth neither of us even checked or asked what ds was. the nurses said 'him' and neither of us even remarked on it. we never looked at childrens clothes and we didn't buy much or get anything or get anything ready till a week before the due date - and then it was a hassle. the whole thing just passed us by. ds is 7mo now and i still have never looked at or bought him clothes in a shop - just bought a job lot from an nct sale.

i realise after reading this how weird i sound blush

JenaiMorris Thu 04-Apr-13 12:33:00

I'll be busy sorting out the decorations in preparation for Halloween.

Bartlebee Thu 04-Apr-13 12:42:52

Very wanky indeed.

And so self obsessed to assume every detail of your pregnancy is just as riveting to all and sundry as it is to you.

JenaiMorris Thu 04-Apr-13 12:48:06

Your friend's/sibling's/cousin's baby's sex might be of no interest to you, but if it is to them then wouldn't it be a nice thing to at least pretend to give a stuff?

chocoluvva Thu 04-Apr-13 12:48:15

"some silly nonsense"

Some? Eh, what? I agree in principle, but what about the now compulsory Red Nose Day, Comic Relief, Halloween (that reminds me, what's wrong with old-fashioned swedes - who made it the law to have to hoist a massive pumpkin back from the supermarket and hack into it for a couple of hours), Easter Egg Hunts, 'Pancake Day' (I think you'll find that's 'Shrove Tuesday')?

There's such pressure to be having extrovert fun on set days - for commercial reasons.

Ah. May be outing myself here but...

Close Friend's brother is married to an American woman. She's lovely but VERY American. A couple of years ago, they had a gender reveal party (followed by a baby shower, a welcome to the world party and a christening. I was SKINT by the end!). I'd never heard of this before but I's obviously a very big deal in the States as her DM, DF, DSis and best friend actually flew over for the occasion.

Anyway, it's a massive, very formal tea party, with champagne, little sandwiches, table centrepieces, the lot. An hour or so in, one person at each table stands and bursts a massive balloon which has been sticking out of the display in the centre of their table, releasing a shower of pink glitter and confetti. We were then all presented with a beautiful pink iced cupcake proclaiming "it's a GIRL!" The American guests looked teary and cheered, the Brits followed suit with many a "WTF!?" glance being exchanged. DF and his DW then get up and make a lovely speech about how excited they are to be welcoming their daughter Maisie Carolyn into the world and how privilaged they feel that we were there to share their special moment with them. It was all completely over the top. But quite sweet all the same.

Imagine my surprise then, 2 months later, when their DS was born.

His name is Rory. grin

Maisie finally made it last month. They didn't have a gender reveal party!

Owllady Thu 04-Apr-13 12:50:06

I can't think of anything worse confused

Owllady Thu 04-Apr-13 12:51:25

blue suede, that's funny grin I love the teary eyed americans versus the wtf british too

bamboobutton Thu 04-Apr-13 12:51:30


Did they ask for gifts? I'm assuming not as i can't see any mention.

Did everyone have cake? Yes! What's not to like.

My sis did one. We gathered for cake, cake was cut, we all went 'wooooo', we all ate the cake and had tea.

Gender reveal party's are nowhere near as wanky as baby shower grabathons. confused

JenaiMorris Thu 04-Apr-13 12:55:43

chocca I'm not keen on enforced jollity and it can indeed grate, but the 'bag humbug' dismissal of any other than a few approved examples (mustn't be too American, mustn't be too new fangled) is just the ascetic side of the same coin.

GetOeuf Thu 04-Apr-13 12:56:08

I really like the idea of baby showers, and think it is a nice US tradition to cross the pond, but I don't like the gender reveal thing, but I think because personally I would prefer to find out the sex at birth, plus also think babies should be dressed in white for weeks (old fashioned) and would hate a load of pink or blue baby grows. Urgh at the whole pink and blue thing anyway.

GetOeuf Thu 04-Apr-13 12:58:53

Exactly what jenai said. Yes you may think it is a bit wanky, but just because it is American doesn't mea it is bad. Some of their traditions are nice and worth adopting.

TheBigJessie Thu 04-Apr-13 13:02:12


Some people like parties. People who like parties often come from families who like parties, or have surrounded themselves with fellow Annoying Sociable Types. So on that count, I don't care.

However, an official occasion to start pushing a small person, who isn't even born yet, into gender stereotypes doesn't sit well with me.

I detest the whole pink and blue thing. There are so many other wonderful colours in the world.

chocoluvva Thu 04-Apr-13 13:03:28

I wouldn't rain on anyone's parade Jenai. When I'm invited to gatherings I go and enter into the spirit. But it puts pressure on people to spend money - that's why these things start. And impressionable types are made to feel inferior or unhappy if they can't afford them or aren't invited to join in the fun.


BeCool Thu 04-Apr-13 13:04:15

all I can think of to say is WTF???!!!

BerylStreep Thu 04-Apr-13 13:06:39

There would have been a lot of red faces if I had thrown one. My DS was supposed to be a DD - we had been told on 3 different occasions.

Which led to a very embarrassing 'is my son's willy small?' conversation with the consultant, who thought I was nuts.

(it isn't, BTW, just a bit shy grin)

See, I don't mind baby showers at all -- okay yes, some people have very grabby and tacky ones, but for most people it's just a chance to celebrate before the baby comes. A nice tradition.

I don't want to be too bah humbug, Jenai, I see what you're saying.

I guess I think there's a fine line between excitement and exhibitionism. Being all excited because you're having a baby is one thing, making a big show about what kind of baby it is seems a bit too much.

I mean look at Blue's story -- 4 parties! For one baby!

Snazzynewyear Thu 04-Apr-13 13:13:54

YANBU. It's wanky.

Nothing wrong with getting together with your friends and family for cake but why not just do that because you want to?

I am now off to get ready for my 'will I have ham or cheese on my lunchtime sandwich?' reveal party.

olivertheoctopus Thu 04-Apr-13 13:14:52

Super wanky. Even more wanky than baby showers!

JenaiMorris Thu 04-Apr-13 13:22:11

Baby showers are lovely. Having a mile long gift list for one isn't, but throwing a party for people who are about to have a baby is sweet.

I kind of had one, in that I had a leaving do at work and they gave me lots of lovely things.

If Pinterest had existed in 2000 there might even have been bunting and a rainbow cake grin

Yup, 4 parties for the one baby. When they got married, there was also the hen do- which they call a batchelorette party AND a bridal showerm which was essentially another tea party with yet more presents. They also had the rehersal dinner like they do in America 2 days before the wedding.

My conclusion is that as a country, Americans like to celebrate big life events, and are a bit self centred in expecting you to share their joy. But it's ok in a way, as they are more then happy to over-celebrate with you when it's you turn.

However, being VERY British, I mostly just cringed at the public display of tackiness emotion. grin

BigRedBox Thu 04-Apr-13 13:31:39

Naff as hell. So self-centred and as loads of others have said, further perpetuates the pink/blue hideousness.


MrsSpagBol Thu 04-Apr-13 13:33:36

As a cake maker I am ALL for this !!! Bring it on!

Tortington Thu 04-Apr-13 13:33:49

i'd ay any excuse for a party - but if your preggers and can't drink - i'm not seeing the point tbh

LadyHarrietdeSpook Thu 04-Apr-13 13:37:19

My crazy Yank cousins just did this. All of my friends are too old for that sort of thing.

Accd to a woman at work, these parties can be coed, with drinking games built around them - I guess not involving the mum. She heard aobut one in Texas where they did this. Stereotypical but true.

I love going: "Gender Reveal Parties: WTF do you reckon this is?" on nights out. It's good value.

What I find unbelieveable is the gene that can find a financial opportunity anywhere, that exists in the US.

soverylucky Thu 04-Apr-13 13:43:33

Didn't think that there could be anything more naff than a baby shower but it seems that there is.

Naff Naff Naff Naff Naff

And I didn't give two hoots about what sex my baby was. What purpose does it serve?

JenaiMorris Thu 04-Apr-13 13:46:29

Self-centred bastards inviting people round for Champagne and cake angry

WaterfallsOver Thu 04-Apr-13 13:51:28

I avoid baby showers and would definitely not attend a gender reveal party. Wtf?! Conceited parents to be.

MrsSpagBol Thu 04-Apr-13 13:54:49

LOL at JenaiMorris

skratta Thu 04-Apr-13 14:01:15

All of my friends who have given birth in the seven years I have been here in the USA (Cnnecticut) have done this. It's very popular around here, and very 'American' I guess.

Personally, I'd prefer not, but I get cake (with a blue/pink inside, although two of my friends went for green for a boy, yellow for girl!) and it's nice.

Also, I don't seen any problem celebrating (unless it costs me money). My friend gave birth five months ago and had a gender reveal party a week after her scan. We came around, we just had general fun and gave some little cheap presents (baby stuff and maternity and pregnancy stuff) which we'd have given away, watched a movie, and our kids all played around (and my teens watched, bored) and we got a cake which was beautiful (in the shape of a rainbow and iced prefetch as one...she designs and makes cakes for a living...) and we got a pink inside.

Personally, I wouldn't have it but it was just a nice celebration for an excited first time mum? I think Americans tend to celebrate little things more (which is overwhelming for a humble Swede like me!) but the gender CAN be a big thing for a parent and they want to share it with us. A wedding us about, firstly, getting married, but you invite guests to share your happiness too.

I am happy for my friend when they have babies, I am happy that they are excited to know the gender. All the ones I have been too are like a normal group of friends coming over with kids, the kids play/moan/teens play on IPad and watch TV and MIGHT talk a bit, we chat together and talk, and we have some nice food together like normal, only difference is that we have a dessert which tells us something very exciting.

Personally, I have always gone 'oh, we had our scan, we'll be having a least we can reuse the old stuff from the DDs...' because I'd like to tel my friends (because they ask me questions and I ask them questions because we are friends and interested n each other) but no big deal tbh.

But some people like it. As long as they don't g overthetop, or mean I lose money, then it's fine.

It was also useful as it gave us a chance to get some baby things together beforehand so she didn't have random friends coming at random times to give random gifts just before or after the birth.

I agree it might seem showy offy but this was the only thing. None of my friends had baby showers, all of them were generally not over the tip or anything, it was just a day to celebrate them and their pregnancy and a chance fr them tell us news which is important to them.

skratta Thu 04-Apr-13 14:03:13

Before anyone says anything- I had NO Gender reveal party, no baby shower, when I got married our hen do was a night as friends with an Indian take away and I really hate celebrating stuff (I am quite introverted) so it seemed very odd to have gender parties but seems normal over here?

skratta Thu 04-Apr-13 14:05:12

And sorry, replace gender with sex in my posts (I know they are different things. So sorry about that, just posting too quickly).

MsJupiterJones Thu 04-Apr-13 14:29:44

I am not a fan of these reveal parties, and would prefer the sex of my baby not to have been a massive issue, so we didn't tell anyone. Not in a na-na-we're-not-telling way, just said, it's a surprise. For those saying no-one cares, you're wrong. It's the first thing anyone asks and they don't let it go.

One of my favourite questions was, but how will you know whether to paint the nursery pink or blue? Er... it's white.

If we are lucky enough to win a 2nd then I'll just tell people, less hassle. Probably not with a cake or exploding balloon though.

Tbh, I think any excuse to have a party with family and friends, that you like, is a good thing. Likewise if you are involved in the lives of your friends, it does matter that they are having babies and you see it as a cause for celebration. It is exciting, finding out the gender, it doesn't matter, as such. Too many posters on here seem not to like the people that they mix with, I don't get this, at all. What I would say is only have relationships with people who you value and care for and these problems don't exist, because your happy to go with the flow and turn up to anything as long as everyone is there.

skratta, I don't even know what to think about your friends doing yellow/green cake filling.

On the one hand, yay for them for not conforming to blue-pink madness.

On the other, a gender reveal party seems even more pointless when people have to ask what the revealed colour means.

Sorry, maybe I'm catching the humbugness blush

crashdoll Thu 04-Apr-13 14:38:52

I can kind-of go with baby showers (although I hate the term) but gender reveal parties?? YAsoooooNBU!

MiniEggsJumpedInMyBasket Thu 04-Apr-13 14:39:30

How ridiculous! Very wanky!

That's a very reasonable point, Birds.

I do think though that it's possible to love people, love spending time with them, and still sometimes think they've just gone a bridge too far.

I would never say anything to my cousin or ruin her fun, I just wanted to know if I was a big ole grump for thinking it's a ridiculous concept.

soverylucky Thu 04-Apr-13 14:49:28

I think that celebrations are nice and the birth of a baby is probably the most joyous occasion that you can think of. I personally think that baby showers and gender reveal parties are premature celebrations and sorry to put a downer on someone elses thread but I have a personal reason for holding this view sad

xigris Thu 04-Apr-13 14:50:14

Wanky. If ever I'm invited to then I might have to dust off the cuntbunting. My friends organised a baby shower for me. With naked waiters. Was fabulous and really just an excuse for a piss up joyful celebration of new life grin [disclaimer: they had the wine and gin. I had orange juice]

xigris Thu 04-Apr-13 14:51:13

X posted soverylucky very sorry for your loss sadflowers

soverylucky Thu 04-Apr-13 14:53:09

thanks xigris.

I'm sorry for your loss sovery -- I should have said that earlier to the other posters who shared their losses, I'm sorry.

Tbh this is a big reason I didn't have a baby shower myself, I felt to be pregnant at all was a bit of a miracle and I didn't want to tempt fate any more than I was already.

thezebrawearspurple Thu 04-Apr-13 15:05:37

Any excuse for a party I supposegrin

SpecialAgentTattooedQueen Thu 04-Apr-13 15:15:14

For some, I think it's any excuse for presents...

Grumpy today! But even with my natural grumpyness, this is just icky. No, no and more no.

freddykins Thu 04-Apr-13 15:25:01

YANBU. What a pile of wank.

Buzzardbird Thu 04-Apr-13 15:25:45

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

PollyIndia Thu 04-Apr-13 15:33:42

I would get this if there were 20 different options for sex. Say you could have a boy giraffe or a girl cockatoo. But there are only 2. A boy human or a girl human. It's very self absorbed to think anyone really cares which it is as long as the baby is healthy and the parents happy.

I a

bealos Thu 04-Apr-13 15:37:49

Sounds like an excuse for more spending too me! Agh... I wonder if these parties were started by a switched on brand looking for more opportunities to sell baby stuff? cynical, moi? hmm

WillColbert Thu 04-Apr-13 15:39:48

So Snazzynewyear - was it a pink or yellow balloon at your sandwich reveal party?

SpecialAgentTattooedQueen Thu 04-Apr-13 15:54:47

Snort grin

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Thu 04-Apr-13 15:55:23

Were there presents involved? It seems that the americans will do anything for a chance to do presents!

fussychica Thu 04-Apr-13 16:08:42

Totally naff. I assume it originated in the US???
Personally, I wouldn't even want to know even if I was the expectant mum let alone a friend!
I think knowing would take away so much excitement from the actual birth.

Lottapianos Thu 04-Apr-13 16:08:56

A couple of years ago, they had a gender reveal party (followed by a baby shower, a welcome to the world party and a christening. I was SKINT by the end!).

Holy. Jesus. Christ.

What in the name of sanity is a 'Welcome to the World 'party? I feel sick. Were you supposed to bring a present to all of these wretched events?

I have a no baby showers, no hen nights rule. I guess I will have to expand this to include Welcome to the World parties now too

Disclaimer: I'm not tight, or a misery guts. I gave my best mate an entire box of gifts which I had been collecting for months when she had her DD. But I have heard about baby showers which involve 'games' and I would honestly rather stick pins in my eyes than even find out what those involve, never mind actually get involved in them. And just don't get me started on hen nights.....

Squitten Thu 04-Apr-13 16:11:36

It's all just a wonderful part of the new cash-cow that is having babies!

I'm a grump when it comes to all that though. I even think those 3D scans are a total con. BIL & SIL had one done and (shocker!) it looked like a baby! Who knew..?

seeminglyso Thu 04-Apr-13 16:14:48

''Fucksake. I'm shocked at the stupidity of the posters who are making holier than thou comments regarding being so interested in the sex of your baby, that you are automatically too preoccupied to give a thought to the health of your child. You can do both ''

Quite! People are naturally excited about the sex of their baby as well as hoping it is healthy!

I do think the party is a bit of a cringe but each to their own, I think baby showers are cringey too...everyone buy me presents..erm no thanks.

K8Middleton Thu 04-Apr-13 16:16:46

Is anyone else desperately hoping they have a boy now? grin

[cowbag emoticon]

SpecialAgentTattooedQueen Thu 04-Apr-13 16:18:40

"Fucksake. I'm shocked at the stupidity of the posters who are making holier than thou comments regarding being so interested in the sex of your baby, that you are automatically too preoccupied to give a thought to the health of your child. You can do both ''

I guess that means if I get pregnant again I better have a 'my baby is healthy!' party.

Maybe we can release doves and everyone can have politically correct, gluten/wheat/dairy free cake. hmm

Because, you know, that wouldn't be weird at all...

EasilyBored Thu 04-Apr-13 16:18:42

I hate those 3D scans. SOrry, but they are the creepiest thing I have ever seen. Like tiny alien babies. All lumpy and weird.

Buzzardbird Thu 04-Apr-13 16:20:02

I had visions of them all standing in a circle, pulling up their skirts and 'revealing' their dicks!
I might throw one!

BraveLilBear Thu 04-Apr-13 16:21:21

OP YADNBU there is no need for such drama - although a bit of giddy excitement can be sweet, if shared with the right people.

Also agree re premature celebrations. I'm not a total doom-monger but stuff does go wrong. Plus you never know how other people are feeling - what if a guest recently had a secret miscarriage?

I think I'm mainly bitter because my mum and sisters made a big deal of saying to me on Monday 'we're going to throw you a baby shower' despite my protestations about grabbiness etc. Eventually I warmed to the idea only to be told when I got home some 2 and a half hours later that 'my dates don't fit with theirs, so nevermind'. I'd just got my head around having a non-grabby girlie gathering as well pffft.

mum2jakie Thu 04-Apr-13 16:23:21

PMSL! How tacky!!


When asked 'do you know what you're having?' I would reply 'Kittens, apparently,'

QOD Thu 04-Apr-13 16:26:56

I've got American friends and I've heard of the scan company themselves notifying a cake shop of the sex, they make a cake with pink or blue sponge and ice it

The family collect it, party time, cut the cake and REVEAL!!

op where had skratta mentioned yellow/green cakes? he bit I can see mentions cakes in the shape of a rainbow (??) with blue or pink insides

MrsHoarder Thu 04-Apr-13 16:28:17

I was going to have puppies Wankbadgers. Thinking about it, this may explain DS's tendency to chew my slippers (I do stop him. I mean I don't want bite marks in them.)

Buddhagirl Thu 04-Apr-13 16:34:23

If I was there I would puke

SpecialAgentTattooedQueen Thu 04-Apr-13 16:35:13

Cutting into a scan of your 3D alien baby?

How morbid. Then again, those yanks do love their violent fllms grin

But most people do bloody care! I lost track of the amount of people who asked what I was having and begged me to find out. People are naturally nosey and being all holier than thou about it doesn't change that.

3D scans on the other hand. They're weird. But hey, whatever you like.

Arabesque Thu 04-Apr-13 17:04:00

I agree people are interested to know if someone's had a girl or a boy, but not so interested that it warrants a party and a big dramatic revelation with balloons etc.
Honestly, at this rate you could spend your life lurching from one party to another:
Welcome to the World
Graduating from Playschool
Graduating from Primary School
Sweet Sixteen
Eighteenth birthday
Graduating from Secondary School
Twenty first birthday
Graduating from College
Gap Year Farewell
Gap Year Welcome Back
Hens Party
Baby Shower
Gender Reveal

and this is where we came in.

Sugarice, that cake looks disgusting. I am actually glad that I am wheat intolerant, so would never have to eat anything like it.

RedToothBrush Thu 04-Apr-13 17:14:03

Its the wankiest thing ever.

Pass the bucket to vomit in.

dreaming, in your shoes, I would not have had the tact to be polite and keep my mouth shut about how wanky it is.

SPB -- she said two of her friends opted for green/yellow instead of blue/pink

The idea of the scan company arranging with the cake shop to notify you of the sex via icing might be the most American thing I've ever heard of. I'm actually in awe.

LynetteScavo Thu 04-Apr-13 17:20:40

When I read the thread title, I thought the child would be 18 months or 3 or something, and the parents had kept the gender secret by dressing the child in gender nuetural clothing.

I want another just so I can have a gender reveal party, and watch my mother close her eyes and stick her fingers in her ears so she can't find out. She thinks some things should be kept for the birth. grin

BoffinMum Thu 04-Apr-13 17:20:41

Now if you are having a party like that, you need a cake like one of these.

Oh yes

RTB -- luckily I've had years of experience with 'smile and nod, smile and nod' with this particular cousin smile

She's a good-hearted person, just very blingy

Arabesque Thu 04-Apr-13 17:24:07

I'm trying to imagine myself saying 'I'm just off to a gender reveal party', 'I think I'll wear that to Sarah and Jim's gender reveal party',

grin grin grin

It would need to be easy open.

Jeeeeeeez Boffin, those are hideous

I have to admit though I'd be really tempted to mess with people if I had to make those cakes

thanks OP, I can see it now, I picked over her post before without spotting it confused

"pink and blue polka dots"

YANBU. Definitely wanky (love this word!) IMHO and another shit thing we've adopted from the USA.

"...cutting open the celebration cake revealing pink or blue filling!"
Pah, I'd have a purple filling just to confuse people ;-)

BettyandDon Thu 04-Apr-13 17:35:13

I knew a pregnant lady who burst out crying when the cake was opened. She got a boy (2nd one) and wanted a girl.

Reminds me of a tantrum I had at my birthday party aged 6 when a boy gave me a skipping rope that I already had. The horror of it.

Snazzynewyear Thu 04-Apr-13 17:40:05

Will As it turned out, I had a ... (drumroll) cheese AND ham sandwich grin Pink and yellow it is!

I guess the equivalent is boy and girl twins, where you would have to have pink and blue balloons and explain that you weren't just being indecisive. Don't know how the cake icing people deal with that situation.

congratulations grin

elizabethdenbury Thu 04-Apr-13 18:14:05

Haha if it was a boy would they revel a huge inflatable phallic thing?!

Theicingontop Thu 04-Apr-13 18:43:40

I made a gender-reveal cake for a lady who was going by a 15 week scan. Never did find out if the pink sponge cake I made was lying! Risky stuff.

shockers Thu 04-Apr-13 19:10:21

My mind boggled when I read the OP.

I live in a small town where Pampas Grass is prevalent.


Miggsie Thu 04-Apr-13 19:15:27

Colour me unimpressed.
Who gives a monkey's other than the parents and grandparents possibly?

Unless.... you already had a child and were planning to marry them to that couple's child to merge your two companies into a massively profitable enterprise so you could live in the lap of luxury in your later life.

My DH would definitely have said "so what?" if we ever had to attend one of these fiascos. I would have to fight back the urge to say "and are you hoping for a lesbian?" just so it's all sorted out beforehand.

DH actually once said to his friend "you need to understand that the rest of us are not obsessed with your child the way you are". DH is VERY direct.

Toasttoppers Thu 04-Apr-13 19:15:54

It's just bollocks, or in this case not bollocks.

LynetteScavo Thu 04-Apr-13 19:22:27

BettyandDon did the pregnant woman not know herself? shock

I admit I cried at one of my scans. The scan lady told me in no uncertain terms to get a grip. grin She also said, if I didn't want to know, I shouldn't of asked. 1) I hadn't asked what sex it was, I'd asked if she could tell. 2) I did want to know. But I had convinced myself I really wanted 3 boys, and the thought of a girl had me in tears.

If there had been pink cake available I would have eaten lots of it that day!

McNewPants2013 Thu 04-Apr-13 19:29:08

Me to cockyfox ( love the name btw)

A party is a party, hope there was cake

Mumcentreplus Thu 04-Apr-13 19:52:40

who the fuk cares?? evil side wishes the party was for the wrong sex you went shopping and you chucked away the receipts<<fuksake>>

Catchingmockingbirds Thu 04-Apr-13 19:58:27

Did your cousins friends have to bring presents to the party?

PretzelTime Thu 04-Apr-13 20:08:17


grin at the ones where the scans turned out to be wrong though, and at the cake wrecks. "Blue & Pink Paka dots"

PavlovtheEasterBunny Thu 04-Apr-13 20:33:38

they are fucking ridiculous.

Breadrollsbuns Thu 04-Apr-13 20:34:20

... But if they weren't called 'gender parties', they would have to be called 'sex parties', and those are a whole different thing grin

PavlovtheEasterBunny Thu 04-Apr-13 20:34:54

and unlikely to be a booze filled party so renders it pretty pointless as far as parties go

Liara Thu 04-Apr-13 20:44:24

Gosh, and I thought sex reveal emails were wanky. You know, the sort where the title is 'It's a......' and you have to actually open the email to find out the sex.

I haven't a clue why anyone would think than anyone other than the parents (if them) would give a damn, and that they are doing anything other than making polite conversation when they ask.

Liara Thu 04-Apr-13 20:46:00

Loving miggsie's dh, too. Wish I had the guts to say that.

Ridersofthestorm Thu 04-Apr-13 20:50:32

LMFAO! No your not a joyless hag, I think it is very silly too.

If the parents-to-be are "any excuse for a party" types then there are probably worse reasons to throw a party.

But yes, a bit wanky and unnecessary.

How about a "thank fuck our 20w scan went well" party? Booked only after the scan, obvs.

Changebagsandgladrags Thu 04-Apr-13 21:03:20

Not read the entire thread...

Is this the sort of party where everyone hides in a darkened room. I then come in, switch the light on, flop out my knockers and say "ta-da, I'm a girl"

ItsOkayItsJustMyBreath Thu 04-Apr-13 21:12:13

Hmm, as I have heavy periods and AF arrived today, I'm thinking about planning a 'number of clots I passed this period' party. What do you think?

Should I hire a plane to have the number sky written? Or maybe hide the answer by way of strawberries inside a bowl of red jelly and have someone bob for them?

Think of the fun we could have.

ReetPetit Thu 04-Apr-13 21:44:40

YANBU. Absolutely ridiculous - do people who have these parties seriously think anyone else gives a toss what sex their pfb is?! It's either one or the other hmm

thermalsinapril Thu 04-Apr-13 22:08:26

Call me old-fashioned but I think the right time to celebrate and congratulate is after the baby has arrived.

Scans on Facebook, gender reveal parties, baby showers and the like all seem to be too much, too soon.

ipadquietly Thu 04-Apr-13 22:11:33

This has brightened up my day today - thank you OP. I have had so much fun googling the cake ideas...... smile

PretzelTime Thu 04-Apr-13 22:15:04

That's not old-fashioned thermal that's sensible. Can we please save the celebrations until the baby is actually born?

nametakenagain Thu 04-Apr-13 22:15:42

Yanbu. I would not be happy to be invited to a gender reveal party. I've never been invited to a baby shower, though, so I think I'm probably safe for a while, at least.

DoreensEatingHerSoreen Thu 04-Apr-13 22:24:17

Am I the only one that totally misunderstood the thread title? When I saw "gender reveal parties" I thought this would be referring to some kind of party for a trans-gender person to "reveal" their new body after a sex change, or to celebrate making the decision to live as a different gender.

I was going to come on here and say something along the lines of: "that's nice if that's what the person wants to do to mark the occasion" blush

BoffinMum Thu 04-Apr-13 22:35:46

I'd like to see a cake for that.

Alconleigh Thu 04-Apr-13 22:41:30

Yes utter wank. No one, truly no one, gives a flying one what you're having. Know this, weird attention seeking loons.

DoreensEatingHerSoreen Thu 04-Apr-13 22:44:26

grin @ Boffin

BoffinMum Thu 04-Apr-13 22:47:29

If we start seeing those cakes in Waitrose we'll know gender equality will have finally been achieved once and for all.

bumperella Thu 04-Apr-13 22:55:55

It's a nice thing to be able to share the joy of others; that they're going to have a baby and they're excited and all appears well and it's a boy/girl.
I can see the "tempting fate" aspect.
I can see the tackiness. But the alternative is endless " she told Cousin A before she told Cousin B, the cah" shenanigance. Telling all your nearest/dearest/.obligated to invites at the same time at least avoids the practical issue of who gets told first.
I dunno. Sometimes I think the American in-your-face-bessie-mates stuff is good.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Thu 04-Apr-13 23:11:29

Yabu. I think it is positively fantastic. I was SO EXCITED each time I found out. Celebrate and have a fab day, we always have done (well each of the 4 times but ykwim!).

Alconleigh Thu 04-Apr-13 23:11:59

But Bump, no one actually cares! People ask to be polite, and because what else do you ask about a bump, but truly, cousin A and colleague B don't really care!

CherylTrole Thu 04-Apr-13 23:12:01

First time I have heard of this!! Wow! What if the scan is wrong though? Would they have to have another party for that?

Alconleigh Thu 04-Apr-13 23:15:22

Property, I totally get that you're excited, but you wouldn't have a party on the premise that anyone else is, surely?

bumperella Thu 04-Apr-13 23:18:12

Alconleigh, people do look for excuses to take offence, though, even about something they don't really care much about! C'mon, it's not just my mental colleagues/cousins who are like that sometimes, surely???

It's an excuse for a party and get away from the "ooh, well, I know what it is but don't think I shouldn't tell you" fall out. If you're invited tp one and you don't fancy it, then surely make up an exciuse.

I didn't know the sex of my DD, am not pg and have never been to a gender reveal (sex relveal sounds SO much more dodgy-suburban though).

Alconleigh Thu 04-Apr-13 23:24:11

Nope, everyone I know is well balanced and with plenty going on in their own lives. I can no more imagine any of the people I value huffing about when they found out a foetus gender than I can imagine them appearing on Jeremy Kyle. Not that the two are comparable. I know that sounds a bit insufferable, but I do find this sort of thing extraordinary. Do these people who care about such minutiae not have their own families, jobs, commutes, hobbies, box sets?!

SpecialAgentTattooedQueen Thu 04-Apr-13 23:26:22

The only time I think people get annoyed about not knowing the sex is either:

They're dysfunctional family members

Or you're one of those annoying people who brings up the fact you know and ooh eem gee it's sooo hard not to tell every fucking conversation. So you play along and ask. Oh no I want it to be a surprise. ARGH I don't give a fuck either tell me or don't.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Thu 04-Apr-13 23:29:43

Yes, I would not have a large party but I see nothing wrong with inviting grandparents and siblings for a reveal and a celebration.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Thu 04-Apr-13 23:31:28

Plus you need to be genuinely delighted whatever the gender for this to work. Can you imagine some Hun bursting into tears as blue is revealed instead of princess pink grin

StuntGirl Thu 04-Apr-13 23:32:25

Wanky as hell.

<Adjusts miserable cah badge>


I am of the opinion that you wait til your baby is born safely before you start celebrating.

SpecialAgentTattooedQueen Thu 04-Apr-13 23:37:27

I wonder what the reaction to this thread would have been on NetHuns...

PretzelTime Thu 04-Apr-13 23:40:42

Don't give them ideas!

LazyMonkeyButler Fri 05-Apr-13 00:12:03

On the face of it it sounds sweet. However, I am firmly in the "wait until the baby has arrived safely to celebrate" brigade. I had a late MC myself & two friends have had the agony of stillborn babies sad. In my last pregnancy (after my MC), I didn't even announce the pregnancy as such - obviously people who saw me noticed grin, and I told close friends & family but I felt like it was tempting fate to do any more than that.

We discussed possible names obviously, but DD's name was decided in hospital after her birth. The only things we bought in advance were a moses basket, first size clothes, nappies & a pushchair aswell - we needed to see a healthy baby come home first before we could really "go to town" as it were.

We had a gender reveal party.

I was giving birth. Baby popped out. I said 'has he got a willy??'. Midwife said 'yes'.

It was an ace party, there was mood lighting, nakedness, a hot tub and drugs on tap. Felt totally wasted afterwards.

tvmum1976 Fri 05-Apr-13 04:21:17

I don't get this whole "why do people think I care what the sex of their baby is" line of thought. People don't think that other people care deeply about their birthdays or weddings, but it would be nice to think friends took a passing interest in the major milestones of their lives and a baby seems like a pretty major milestone. Personally I prefer this idea to baby showers as it seems like more of a celebration of a fun milestone rather than a grabby attempt to get presents.

aurynne Fri 05-Apr-13 06:35:25

"When she gets to number 4 noone gives a shite!"

No one gives a shite with any number.

nooka Fri 05-Apr-13 06:56:49

Lol VisualiseAHorse grin

The birth of a baby is a very big deal of course. Finding out the sex should not be. Where I live now they have been discussing whether to stop telling parents the sex during scans because of a rise in the number of later abortions.

I also think it is peculiar and really quite wrong to have a party to 'welcome' a child that hasn't been born.

I thought this was going to be about a new party craze among androgynous young people, who wore masks and capes (or something) to a party and mingled flirtatiously (disguising their voices presumably) before revealing their gender at some point in the evening - a bit like 16th century Venetian carnival or a more elaborate masked ball...

Am disappointed now grin Although it sounds slightly less offensive than a "gimme presents" baby shower, as long as only a few close interested parties are invited and no presents expected... Wouldn't do it though!

PretzelTime Fri 05-Apr-13 08:17:40


Visualise grin

It's not that I don't care what my cousin is having, but it's like -- oh how nice, a girl! (or, alternate version: oh how nice, a boy!) Then, um, life goes on. It's just one small facet of having a baby, why have a party for this particular characteristic? It's just nature, doing its thing.

Oh and sorry, people asked: no I don't think there were formal presents, but people would normally bring a little something for these things.

I also like Cheryl's idea of having another party if the scan is wrong. They can call it a gender correction party and really give people the wrong idea.

freddykins Fri 05-Apr-13 08:48:50

Visualise Cracking my DH and me up! Nice one.

chocoluvva Fri 05-Apr-13 09:33:31

Have scans become more advanced in the past 14 years? When DC2 was scanned I had to beg the radiographer to tell me which sex he was. It was not policy to reveal the sex apparently, as there was a significant inicidence of getting it wrong.

And the hangover lasted for MONTHS.

Nooka - I am shocked that people have abortions because of the 'wrong' sex. I already knew that this can and does happen, but it is so awful.

Yes, I know at least a few hospitals in London no longer tell you the sex, because they found some people were having illicit abortions after finding out they were having girls. It is awful sad.

I guess in that light, having people be so excited about having a girl seems like a good thing? But really, I wish the whole issue didn't have so much significance.

TheRivieraKid Fri 05-Apr-13 09:49:01

When I had my 20 week scan for DD 3 years ago, the sonographer told me she used to work at one of the Birmingham hospitals and it was policy NOT to tell people the sex of the baby due to the same reason bohemian describes. All very sad that technology can be used in that way sad

lowra Fri 05-Apr-13 12:38:01

Naff naff naff.

Honestly, pipe down, no-on else is that bothered...

LimboLil Fri 05-Apr-13 14:14:56

lol did you tell her you thought it was wanky. Or did you make all the appropriate ooh and aaah noises? I would probably make all the right noises but I am not good at hiding my inner thoughts and feelings so it would be mightily obvious that I thought it was wanky. I do cringe a bit though when I think about what I was like when I was preg first time (rivalled only by mil's sheer nuttiness)

WafflyVersatile Fri 05-Apr-13 14:17:20

I thought this was going to be about some sort of masked balls.

I'm not a fan of what I thought it would be but this is worse.

CabbageLeaves Fri 05-Apr-13 14:21:59

I was expecting an online dating game where you all met up and were naked under a big cape or something. Cape lifted and voila!

CabbageLeaves Fri 05-Apr-13 14:22:24

Probably should reward rest of thread now...

CabbageLeaves Fri 05-Apr-13 14:22:34

Read. Doh

CabbageLeaves Fri 05-Apr-13 14:24:08

grin at visualise's contribution

weegiemum Fri 05-Apr-13 14:27:53

This must be a new thing?

My dc are 13,11,9.

We didn't know before thy were born, it didn't even cross my mind to ask!

What's the big deal? We managed to decorate a bedroom (not a "nursery" fgs) and buy some essential bits before dd1 was born.

There seems to be a real gender obsession now. Aren't you happy enough to be having a baby?

And the announcements (by my dh) ago the delivery are some of my most precious memories!

FreedomOfTheTess Fri 05-Apr-13 14:38:39

Yes it's wanky. Very wanky.

As my mum is of the American persuasion, that side of my family are (mainly) in the US, but I only know of one of my family members having a gender reveal party.

One of my cousins was the "offender" and she really went to town (I saw the pics). Her and her husband put together a little video presentation (I kid you not!) for the big "IT'S A GIRL" reveal.

The day of birth arrived.

She had a boy.

Oh how I laughed.

ShabbyChit Fri 05-Apr-13 14:44:04

Its such an American thing. Bit hmm over here.
I think Americans use any holiday or event in their life to have a party really, I'm currently addicted to pinterest and find it odd that so many people buy or make valentines gifts for all of the DC school friends, they have whole menus and outfits planned for St Patricks day, decorate the whole house for 'Fall' and 4th July.
They just seem to celebrate all these events more over here than we do.

I think I could just about handle a baby shower over here in the UK but a gender reveal is a bit twee/tacky to me!

Oh god yes, Fall decorations.

Advanced Level Wankiness

4th of July, okay, patriotism, rah rah rah, but Fall??? Craziness.

Btw I'm loving all these stories about people who had parties and then had a different sex. What more proof do you need of karma!

AmandaPayneAteTooMuchChocolate Fri 05-Apr-13 17:00:12

I think the issue I have with these parties is the same issue I have with most enforced gatherings.

The parents-to-be may feel that it is a lovely excuse for a party with their nearest and dearest. The problem is, there is probably only a small overlap between their nearest and dearest and my nearest and dearest.

So from my perspective I get to spend an afternoon making small talk and in the seventh circle of hell that is playing party games with your cousin, your old university friend and your best mate from work.

I have got more grumpy about this sort of enforced socialising as I get older. I have enough trouble squeezing in my own friends and family without spending an afternoon with someone else's. And, much like an evil hybrid of a wedding and a kid's birthday party, I would suspect you don't get to speak to the parents-to-be that much as they are busy running round hosting and being in demand as guests of honour.

I'd far pop round for a slice of cake some time quiet. Hell, come to mine, I'll make you a flapjack and gush about all things baby related with you. I feel pretty similar about hen dos, birthday parties for non-event ages, baby showers, etc, etc. I'll make an exception for weddings, but only because there is probably free alcohol grin

SatsukiKusukabe Fri 05-Apr-13 17:56:01

I'm American. I'd rather eat my eyes than go to one.

PretzelTime Fri 05-Apr-13 18:06:25

I-I like fall decorations. At least you know that autumn is coming. But the baby gender scans are not to be trusted!

Aw I'm sorry Pretzel. I'm sure your fall decorations are lovely. I'm clearly still a little bitter from enforced childhood leaf peeping.

HomeEcoGnomist Fri 05-Apr-13 22:35:06

100% naff

Unless it's one that a pp suggested: adult jumps out to assembled friends with tassels in the appropriate places grin

squishee Sat 06-Apr-13 00:17:14

Like Doreen, I was sure this intriguing thread was going to be about some kind of "gender reveal party" in adulthood! Dammit.

I say put the champagne on ice until baby arrives safely.

loulouppy Sat 06-Apr-13 07:58:23

Sex = male and female
Gender = masculine and feminine

Sex refers to biological differences; chromosomes, hormonal profiles, internal and external sex organs.

Gender describes the characteristics that a society or culture delineates as masculine or feminine.

copied from google but just to knock it on the head once and for all.

SprinkleLiberally Sat 06-Apr-13 08:35:35

Pinterest is like a whole new world for thia stuff.
Gender reveal, pregnancy announcement photos, capturing the whole pregnancy photos, really staged wedding shots, engagement reveal photos.
To me, it's all too much "I'm centre of the universe, me".
There is one entertaining pregnancy shot where the bloke appears to be pumping up the increasing bump!

Librarina Sat 06-Apr-13 09:50:56

Sod the sex party. I want to know what 'Leaf peeping' is!

feelingdizzy Sat 06-Apr-13 09:53:23

I thought it was a 2 year old ,and they had brought them up gender neutrally and their was going to be a big reveal in more ways than one.!!

FarelyKnuts Sat 06-Apr-13 10:34:25

I would love to do this and have a rainbow cake and rainbow balloons pop out and just tell people we will let the child decide their own feelings on GENDER when they are old enough grin

As for this constant obsession with the sex of your baby to be- whenever asked "what are you having" I replied with "a baby aapparently" in true wanky style smile

TurnipCake Sat 06-Apr-13 10:37:20

If sex reveal parties aren't enough, I've seen videos online of bloggers posting the 'reaction' to them telling their partners that they're pregnant. I'm waiting for the pee-on-a-stick reaction portrait

flaminhoopsaloolah Sat 06-Apr-13 12:24:31

More ways for the card companies to make a fortune. But having a nice get together with friends and sharing the excitement, why not if they're not hurting anyone why care?

Librarina -- haha. I'm realising everything in America sounds naughty!

Leaf peeping is going out to see the trees in the countryside after the leaves have turned colour. I know. Exciting!

Farely I love the rainbow cake idea smile

Whenever anyone asked DH what we were having, he'd say, 'I don't know, but I hope it's a tiger'

It really depends on the type of the party. If the host is hoping to get lots of presents out of it then YANBU. But what is wrong being invited to a party with free cake and coffee?

Viviennemary Sat 06-Apr-13 14:40:41

Never heard of them before. Beyond pathetic in my opinion. But let them get on with it if that's what they want to do.

MagratOfStolat Sat 06-Apr-13 16:01:24

I think it's a pile of shit in my opinion, but whatever floats their boat...

WhatILoved Sat 06-Apr-13 16:49:15

Definitely naff. I heard in the States that the sonographer writes the sex down on a piece of paper and puts it in an envelope so parents are still unaware. You then give this envelope to the baker and they bake a cake which is blue or pink inside. When you cut the cake you find out. Gross!

quoteunquote Sat 06-Apr-13 19:23:08

I'm amazed that they could find anyone that would go to such a party, I don't think I've ever been that bored that I would consider such a thing, did the cake have cocaine icing? (struggling to think of the appeal)

Isn't it the kind of thing that could be covered in a short conversation.

God, are you lot still wetting your knickers over this?

quoteunquote Sat 06-Apr-13 20:01:05

sorry Gwen read the thread at 19:21, replied,

Is there something I'm missing about a public forum works?

Are we only meant to reply within a certain time, could you specify the time limit to partake in threads?

IfNotNowThenWhen Sun 07-Apr-13 11:09:58

When I was pregnant I didn't want to know the sex, but I had a strange fear that my baby would be intersex-neither one nor t'other. I realise thus is not something that most people consider. I am just that much of an anxious nutter.
Imagine an intersex reveal party. Purple balloons?

lauratheexplorer Sun 07-Apr-13 14:02:49

Completely naff imo. I don't think they should be banned however as I'd do something like that for my DP if he couldn't attend the scan just as a little surprise but that's between us, not us and twenty of our friends.

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