To let my 5 year old DS see me naked when coming out of the shower?

(64 Posts)
ilikeyoursleeves Wed 03-Apr-13 19:29:43

My DH said today that he thinks I should no longer walk about naked in front of our children. Please note that the only time they see me naked is when I come out of the shower and when changing at the swimming pool. My sons are 5, 3 and 9 months old so I don't think there's anything wrong with them seeing me naked, in fact it should be seen as totally normal IMO!

The conversation came up when we were having an argument about them watching a 12 movie which DH thinks is fine despite lots of violence in it, so he said that if that's inappropriate then so is me letting them see me naked!!!!! shock wtf?!

AIBU? what age do you start covering yourself up from your kids esp boys?

buggerama Wed 03-Apr-13 19:31:32

Sorry OP but your DH is a nob

mrscog Wed 03-Apr-13 19:32:07

YANBU, surely they will let you know when they're no longer comfortable with it by running off! I would say fine until 8/9/10ish depending on the child.

SoulTrain Wed 03-Apr-13 19:33:26

Children will dictate when this sort of thing needs to end. When e closes his door when he changes then its time to stop. He's 5! Your DH is being ridiculous. There's a really small time frame where families can live with this kind of openness and freedom and I think you are far from unreasonable!

WilsonFrickett Wed 03-Apr-13 19:34:58

I've started to lock the bathroom door just recently (but more because DS7 still barges in to chat to me and I want a bit of peace!) and he's now cottoned on to the idea that shower time is 'private time'. And I'm encouraging him to knock on a closed bedroom door too, just because he takes longer to learn boundaries etc. (mild SN). But wouldn't 'stop' him seeing me naked either, IYSWIM. So if he knocks and I'm naked, I still say come in. I think it all has to be child-led, they'll let you know when they're uncomfortable.

OhLori Wed 03-Apr-13 19:35:07

Honestly, I think you are right and your husband is wrong. Probably the easiest post I've posted today hmm.

Your DH is being a dick!

Suzieismyname Wed 03-Apr-13 19:36:05

yanbu
I think just carry on as you are until they start to feel uncomfortable about it. I shower with my 4 and 2 year old girls and wouldn't behave differently if they were boys.
I wouldn't let my girls watch 12 films. DH and I watched a bit if LoTR last night. No way are they suitable for little ones...

I stopped when the DCs started running away screaming. They will let you know.

Bowlersarm Wed 03-Apr-13 19:37:54

My 17 year old DS comes to talk to me when I'm in the bath! There is no right or wrong-whatever feels comfortable for you both

whois Wed 03-Apr-13 19:38:22

And if you take them swimming, what are you meant to do? Hide under a towel? DH is being silly.

Still wander round naked in front of six year old ds. Ill stop when he seems bothered

OhThisIsJustGrape Wed 03-Apr-13 19:38:29

I don't deliberately flaunt my naked self but don't hide away either itms and my DCs are 17, 13, 5 and almost 3. The older two tend not to barge in the bathroom anymore but the youngest two often do and I don't bat an eyelid, it's just normal.

I grew up having never knowingly seen my parents naked, it made me very self conscious and awkward about nudity - luckily DH's parents had no such hang-ups and I've finally learnt to relax thanks to him and his attitudes.

Awizardsstaffhasaknobontheend Wed 03-Apr-13 19:39:13

Oh dear... My 12 yo DD sees me in the buff all the time, and it isnt pretty! There is only the two of us - not sure if it makes any difference?

Bluelightsandsirens Wed 03-Apr-13 19:39:46

Totally normal for them to see you naked and they will soon shoot off when they are old enough to start think yuck mum put some clothes on whilst rolling their eyes at you.

I'm longing for the time when my 3 are suitable not keen on following me into the bathroom, can't even have a poo in peace in this house!

When I jump in the bath I inevitably end up with my 2 and 5yo in with me and my 8 and 11yo sitting having a yap. They soon let you know when they are uncomfortable with it.

phantomnamechanger Wed 03-Apr-13 19:42:00

Your DH is being daft - the problem is he looks at you and thinks "hmm, nice sexy wife" and does not realise that kids just see "mummy". It's the same as men who are "jealous of" breastfed babies or think it should not be done in public because it's sexual.

My DS is 8 and still comfy with seeing me naked - my DDs are a bit older and have started shutting the door when they shower etc, so we respect their privacy

LaQueen Wed 03-Apr-13 19:43:00

Your DH is being an idiot...he's just trying to score points, and win this silly argument about film ratings, by spouting some arrant shite.

My DDs (they're 10 & 9) see me in the shower, getting dressed, in my undies, whatever...most days.

DH tends to be more modest in front of them nowadays, but they don't yet have any problem with him seeing them naked.

I still walk around naked, as does dp, and mine are 4,6 and 8.

My parents only stopped when I was a teen and only because they were liable to bump into my friends in the landing!

complexnumber Wed 03-Apr-13 19:43:32

Ho hum,

kids see me, dp, and each other, naked all the time because we are for ever swapping between bathrooms and bedroons in the morning.

I wish someone would explain to me where the problem lies with a family seeing each other as they have done all their lives.

I really don't see a problem with nudity within the family..

2cats2many Wed 03-Apr-13 19:44:03

I've been wondering lately when I'll start covering up in front of my kids. My DH never walks around naked and thinks I'm a total wierdo, but its never been an issue.

In lots of ways, I think its good for my DD to see a slightly wrinkly woman's body and know that's normal. I'm kind of an antidote to Barbie.

cupcake78 Wed 03-Apr-13 19:44:34

Your dh is being ridiculous!

Hide away and all your teaching them is naked is bad and should be hidden.

Floralnomad Wed 03-Apr-13 19:45:06

I think you'll find that in a lot of families the parents stop seeing the kids naked long before the kids stop seeing the parents naked .whats wrong with naked bodies anyway ?

StuntGirl Wed 03-Apr-13 19:45:23

Your husband is being a bit dense. For a start violence =/= nudity. Secondly seeing your family naked at the pool or bath/shower time is perfectly natural and normal. Your kids will let you know when they'd prefer not to see you naked.

FarBetterNow Wed 03-Apr-13 19:46:09

My granddaughters barge in the bathroom when I'm having a bath or shower. They ask their Mum why there other Nan has bigger boobies than their Mum and me.
I think they are fascinated with women's bodies not all being barbie like.

Iwaswatchingthat Wed 03-Apr-13 19:47:09

No problem being naked in front of my dds age 8 and 6 and it means they have an idea of what they will look like when puberty hits, so perhaps it won't be as daunting. They have never said they have any problem with it.

Funnily despite badgering me when I am on the loo they now say "don't come in" to me, dh and each other when they are on the loo.

beautyfades Wed 03-Apr-13 19:50:10

UANBU!

mrscog Wed 03-Apr-13 19:50:20

Just out of interest those of you with DD's do you think you'll be happy being naked in front of them forever? Obviously different with DS's, but my Mum was always very open about nakedness etc. and even now (I'm nearly 30) I'd happily sit and chat to her in the bath or vice versa, it's unlikely to happen but as a concept I'm completely comfortable with it. Just wondering if this is unusual...

WoTmania Wed 03-Apr-13 19:51:42

YANBU your H IBU - it's fine and normal (and how else are they going to know what a 'normal' female body looks like?).
And five is really very young....

MrsSpagBol Wed 03-Apr-13 19:55:19

mrscog I am 31 and if I am chatting to my mum she often runs her bath, strips off and gets in without missing a beat.

I used to find it cringeworthy (teenagehood) but I have to say, now I

- admire her confidence
-admire the fact that she has been so open as it has made me less uptight about my own body
and I really do think it's very important for girls to see a normal woman's body not just the photoshopped stuff in magazines.

I totally totally hope I can be confident enough to do the same with my baby girl.

ChasingDogs Wed 03-Apr-13 19:55:52

I'm nearly 30 and my mum still swans naked betwixt and between the bathroom and spare bedroom when she visits.

I may have to point her in the direction of this child-led parenting stuff so that she gets the general gist. I've been asking her to stop for years and for some reason she just gets really offended.

Well, I say "asking her to stop". I think screaming "MY EYES! MY FUCKING EYES!" gets the point home more efficiently, but she just makes out that I'm being unreasonable sad

Iwaswatchingthat Wed 03-Apr-13 19:56:08

My mum was really coy in front of me and it used to make me feel more embarrassed than if she had just been naked. Really awkward. Diff generation maybe.

Smellslikecatspee Wed 03-Apr-13 19:56:20

So sex = violence.

That would worry me more

ModreB Wed 03-Apr-13 20:00:11

DS3 is 13yo, and still sits on the bed chatting when I am getting dressed. DS2 is 20yo, and comes into the bathroom when I am in the shower to brush his teeth. It's not an issue. DS2 & 3 are always told "I have nothing on". Response "Oh, what" confused on their part.

DS1 on the other hand, is 22yo and has run away from any nudity, mine, my DH's, his brothers, since he was about 6yo.

The child will absent decide themselves when they find it not appropriate!

FierceBadIggi Wed 03-Apr-13 20:02:11

You are right and he is wrong.
Imagine trying to change all those kids at the pool while completely covering up?
Mind you I don't stand around naked long around my 5 year old, as he tends to point and shout hysterically "your bum! I see your bum!" Etc.

ChippingInIsEggceptional Wed 03-Apr-13 20:08:36

Hope you are now reassured that your H is being a twat!

Lueji Wed 03-Apr-13 20:09:31

Mine is 8 and I haven't started covering up yet.

I'll stop when he stops entering the bathroom when I'm there. smile
I reckon teenage years. Maybe.

I didn't with my younger brother either.

trinity0097 Wed 03-Apr-13 20:51:48

My parents never stopped being naked when between bedroom/bathroom and sleep naked too - and I'm 34 now! They cover up when they stay with us so that hubby doesn't have to see them in the buff, and likewise keep their bedroom door closed when we stay with them.

CocktailQueen Wed 03-Apr-13 20:56:26

My dc are 9 and 5, and both are totally comfortable with nudity, both theirs and mine! I like it smile 5 is far too young to worry about that imo.

Greenkit Wed 03-Apr-13 20:56:36

My Dh said to me a couple of months ago that I need to cover up when walking around. I might nip to the loo in the night with just my knickers on or come out the bathroom with a towel wrapped round me.

My children are 16 (girl) and 15 (boy) I have never worried, nether have they really.

Maybe its time?

5eggstremelychocaletymadeggs Wed 03-Apr-13 21:02:53

My ds1 will come in to the bathroom and chat to me when i am in the bath or shower and all five see me naked or with just a towel and its not an issue.

Ds1 was at dd's birth when he was 11 so a bit if nudity is nothing in our house.

Loulybelle Wed 03-Apr-13 21:03:33

I walk around naked infront of my 5 yr old all the time, she dont care at all, i dont her feeling ashamed of herself in her own home.

ToomuchWaternotWine Wed 03-Apr-13 21:05:07

Your H is being an arse. Firstly it's good and healthy to be comfortably naked around young kids. Secondly a 12 film is not suitable, and no amount of deflecting onto another subject can lessen that.

maddy68 Wed 03-Apr-13 21:08:24

Bloody hell mine have always seen me naked (and its bit shears a pretty sight) my youngest is 18 now too. Don't think he he mentally scared by it (although I guess he knows what a 'real' woman looks like lol

allagory Wed 03-Apr-13 21:09:10

There is a point (probably 7) when I think children want you to cover up. Imagine if it was your parents walking to the shower and you get the picture. They can't even say "pants" without giggling, FFS! How are they going to cope with full frontal nudity?

allagory Wed 03-Apr-13 21:09:52

That's the kids. My parents are fine with saying pants.

Loulybelle Wed 03-Apr-13 21:12:54

Also my 28 year old best friend and her 60 yr old mother still talk to each while one of them is in the bath.

My mum probably saw alot of my sister when she was in labour with 3 of her children, and probably sees my little sister naked at 13.

Your husband is just an idiot, nudity and violence is not the same thing.

My view is I'm naked in my bedroom or en suite. Kids know if they don't want to see me naked, don't come in my bedroom. They are 10 and 8 and not bothered at mo.

catgirl1976 Wed 03-Apr-13 21:16:04

DS is too little for me to have had this issue but I have always assumed if he became uncomfortable that would be the time to stop.

I still see my mum naked (if we go swimming etc). I suppose I would feel less comfortable seeing my dad naked (eye bleach) but I agree hiding bodies away is not healthy and your DH is being U.

complexnumber Wed 03-Apr-13 21:48:52

"WHO WILL BUY THIS WONDERFUL MORNING?!!!"

LaUNCHES into the ballroom

<What's everyone looking at>

My dd is 11 and still has no problem with our nudity (only while getting dressed, not parading about). She even showed dh her teeny tiny growing boob that she is exceedingly proud of. This is totally normal to me. Hiding ones body is repressive and dangerous for the future IMO.

fuzzpig Wed 03-Apr-13 22:00:43

Not a big deal at all, YANBU. If the child is uncomfortable then you stop.

Out of nosiness interest - what was the 12 rated film?

MrsKoala Wed 03-Apr-13 22:06:31

My parents and I are still happy naked in front of each other. Never been an issue. Dad's 68, Mum's 64 and i'm 36.

MogTheForgetfulCat Wed 03-Apr-13 22:41:47

I think it's fine if the children are comfortable with it - and would be surprised if they weren't at 5. I rarely get to have a bath or shower in peace, so my DSs (7,5 and 2) often see me naked.

Am a bit worried about DS3, though - I got out of the shower the other day and he came over and peered at me really closely and then said "Willy?!" in a really tragical voice. Think I may have traumatised him in his complacent masculinity grin.

foreverondiet Wed 03-Apr-13 23:33:13

My DS is almost 7 and I don't mind him seeing me naked... When he is 9 he'll have to use mens changing room at pool so think that is as good a cut off as any....

BenjaminButton172 Wed 03-Apr-13 23:45:06

I dont cover myself when my 8 yr old is around. It is just normal to us. She has never once said anything about it.

I think your dh is wrong. What was the film? Out of interest

ilikeyoursleeves Thu 04-Apr-13 02:14:37

Thanks all, I knew I wasn't BU but its good to see others views too! I will continue to don my birthday suit proudly. Tbh I think it was just dh trying to think of something to say in the heat of our argument, hopefully anyway. Quite sad really if he thinks its not normal.

And the film was James Bond! The kids have seen a few of the old ones that are PG and quite funny but the Daniel Craig ones are way too violent IMO but dh seems to think otherwise!

OrangeFootedScrubfowl Thu 04-Apr-13 03:09:20

Yes he was just trying to score points. A silly way to argue!

lottiegarbanzo Thu 04-Apr-13 03:11:10

Yup, sounded like clutching at straws to avoid 'losing' an argument. You're definitely right, on both counts!

Athrawes Thu 04-Apr-13 03:21:10

Me, DH and DS (nearly three) still roll around under the duvet, naked, playing scarey monsters or whatever is todays theme. He pokes my boobs (gently) and tells me that sometimes babies have mummy milk and cows give us milk for breakfast. Smacked me on the bum this morning as I was brushing my teeth and laughed like a loon at said bum wobbling like a jelly. Heavens, there is plenty time for teenaged body hangups and self loathing later.

Twattybollocks Thu 04-Apr-13 07:16:07

Ds is 8 and I has just started going out of the room when I get dressed. His own choice and that's fine for me. He has obviously started to feel uncomfortable with it and that's fine for me. Dd is 6 and still likes proper mummy cuddles ie both of us with just knickers on as she says it's lovely and snuggly like that. Also fine for me, I like cuddles like that too, she is so soft and warm and snuggly.

middleagedspread Thu 04-Apr-13 07:24:31

I've always let me DSs (now teens) see me naked.
I think it's imoportant that they realise that women's bodies are not normally the size 8, surgically enhanced, hair free images that they probably see elsewhere.

ruthyroo Thu 04-Apr-13 09:09:37

Keep doing it as long as you are both comfortable. My mum hates her body and has never been remotely comfortable with nudity. I've absorbed a lot of that from her. Luckily I don't have any daughters to pass this particular hang up onto but I am determined that my boys will see a normal female body ie mine as long as they are comfortable to.

RevoltingPeasant Thu 04-Apr-13 09:21:10

ruthy - exactly - I find it v sad that some husbands tell their wives it's time to cover up. How shaming.

I still see my mum naked when I go to visit her - just if it happens. I think I last saw my dad naked when I was in my 20s and we lived in the same house. Nobody flaunts anything, but equally, if you've just put on moisturiser after a shower and need to walk back to your room, why should you cover up?

I am also not one of those people who has to get changed under a towel in the gym changing rooms, though...

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