To spend DH's money

(45 Posts)

DH is a lazy arse, hes a good dad and husband but hes a messy sod who never picks up after himself-don't get me wrong he does do a lot of jobs around the house but he just isn't tidy.

he has a pernicious habit of plonking his pocket change on the bedside cabinets when he gets changed from work. I have asked, I have nagged, I have moaned, I have cajoled him to not do it because I am sick of fishing coins out of 15m ds's mouth.

So quietly a few months ago I decided to start collecting all the bits of change up in jar I keep secretly stashed away. Its been the odd quid here and there but usually 20p and 50p. I have just counted and theres £32

AIBU to spend the lot on a treat for me and the kids? DH is always moaning we cant afford this and that, we rarely go on days out but I have enough there for a train fare to a nice local town or enough to take them to the kids AM cinema and have nice sandwich lunch.

Or should I just give him back the bloody money and tell him how much better off he'd be if he didn't chuck it around and how much safer DS would be!

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief Wed 03-Apr-13 12:21:55

Spend it

catgirl1976 Wed 03-Apr-13 12:22:59

Spend away smile

SoHHKB Wed 03-Apr-13 12:24:21

Spend it and enjoy! grin

and perhaps get him to put his change straight in the jar wink

Bluebell99 Wed 03-Apr-13 12:25:18

I think you should spend it too. He hasn't missed it so far, and you have saved it. Unless there is something you really ought to spend it on?!

I have just worked out that i started this just after xmas, that approx £10 quid a month he just hasn't missed!

threesypeesy Wed 03-Apr-13 12:26:11

Id also spend it grin

CadleCrap Wed 03-Apr-13 12:26:21

What would he do with the money? If it is not family orientated then spend it grin

Chocoflump Wed 03-Apr-13 12:26:32

Definately spend it

I dunno tough one. DH is a bit like this..leaves money all over the place and I often find notes in his pockets. I tend to have a place I put it and he knows where this is.

Personally, I wouldn't spend it as it isn't my money and regardless of him leaving it about it would feel a bit like stealing.

Up to you though, would he be annoyed if you spent it and then told him where the money was from. Why not just keep saving it and then put it towards a family day out where he goes as well.

ClaraOswald Wed 03-Apr-13 12:27:10

spend it. He doesn't seem to be bothered by "losing" it.

EuroShaggleton Wed 03-Apr-13 12:27:39

Spend it on something for all of you - your husband too. And disuss it with him first.

If I just spend it do i then tell him where the money for the day out came from? I kind of started picking up th money to make a point about how careless he is.

The reason I check the jar was that I haven't been able to give the kids a day out at all this easter hols. It would be nice to do so.

well if you don't tell him then obviously you know it's the wrong thing to do......you don't feel comfortable spending it do you!

The reason I check the jar was that I haven't been able to give the kids a day out at all this easter hols. It would be nice to do so

So just tell him that then - am sure he won't begrudge you and the kids a nice day out but do tell him first.

cathpip Wed 03-Apr-13 12:31:15

Spend it, I do this with the children I nanny for. The rule being if you leave your money lying around then you clearly don't need it, it gets put in a jar and then spent on days out. (daddy has also fallen foul of this rulesmile)

Toasttoppers Wed 03-Apr-13 12:31:34

Spend it on the dc on a nice day out.

livinginwonderland Wed 03-Apr-13 12:31:41

he obviously doesn't need it if it's left lying around the house! spend it!

Heres the drip feed though..... (sorry guilty of this)

I know he went into his overdraft today.

Carolra Wed 03-Apr-13 12:33:40

This made me chuckle - my pet peeve is my DH's little piles of change... they are everywhere. So a couple of months ago we instigated a new rule - if I find them, I can keep them! (although I do usually just put it all in dd's money box, or use them to buy milk - its not very exciting!!)

BuiltForComfort Wed 03-Apr-13 12:38:36

is no-one else shock that your DH can't be arsed to move his money so that his 15mo child isn't in danger of choking on or swallowing coins??

It may give him a jolt if you show him how much cash he leaves around, but really the message to him has to be STOP leaving change around where your baby can get to it. THAT is the issue here, not you having a day out on the proceeds of his laziness.

Pilgit Wed 03-Apr-13 12:38:46

before you spend it I'd have a hunt for any other stashes of money (in our house the sofa is known for hoarding cash). If he's lovely in all other respects I'd then surprise him with a family day out and only tell him hlf way through. will get two points across - 1) that he a=can be a bit careless with money and 2) a bit of saving can mean family fun.

alternative option keep doing it, don't tell him, open a cash ISA and use it for christmas presents - defray the cost of christmas by utilising a bad habit!

is no-one else that your DH can't be arsed to move his money so that his 15mo child isn't in danger of choking on or swallowing coins??

Indeed, he just doesn't think though. It's not malicious.

tomatoplantproject Wed 03-Apr-13 12:47:57

This drives me nuts. I found about £5 in change down the sofa yesterday. I've taken to putting it all into a money box for dd. I gave him a small change purse thing for Christmas which he doesn't use but he's got the message, and I now see the loose change as fair game.

Treat the kids I say!!

Whoknowswhocares Wed 03-Apr-13 12:58:34

The concept of separate money is a bit strange to me. It would not occur to me (or DH ) to view money left out as belonging to either of us separately
I'd spend it.
As an aside, him leaving out things that could harm your chid is just shock! It may not be malicious but it is certainly negligent and needs putting to a stop

But what would happen to your child if you also didn't think.
You obviously have separate finances, and this is one of those resultant awkward situations. If a teenage child was taking cash, he'd be within his rights to be angry. But in this case its so different. You're doing it because he doesn't and it needs doing. Yes, you could hand it over to him, but he'd just put it down again. Does he spend money on the kids or is that just you?

wisheshappentobehorsestoday Wed 03-Apr-13 13:07:47

What did he spend the overdraft on? Things for the family? Surely he'd check his coin stash before resorting to overdrafts

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Wed 03-Apr-13 13:11:04

Yes, spend it, because you've repeatedly told him about the spare coins and he hasn't bothered to try and keep hold of them so definitely fair game. If he had missed it surely he would have asked you where all his change had gone?

soapnuts Wed 03-Apr-13 13:17:34

spend it - i do this with my DH - DS is now old enough to do it himself so deal is, if DS sees a coin, he picks it up and gets to keep it... pocket money sorted! any notes go straight in my wallet. if you leave your money lying around you should expect to lose it (of course it's all joint money anyhow but cash in our house is always sought after!)

dopeysheep Wed 03-Apr-13 13:18:28

Another vote for spend it. If he asks where the money for the day out came from just say "well I just kept finding piles of coins around the house so I saved them. I knew they weren't yours because I asked you not to leave any coins where DS could choke on them."

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Wed 03-Apr-13 13:19:16

Yanbu. Go and enjoy spending it .

CleopatrasAsp Wed 03-Apr-13 13:19:21

Spend it, actions have consequences (or inactions in this case). It's a valuable lesson that it's about time he learned.

Sorry but I don't agree tht if you leave your money lying about in your own home you deserve to have it taken. I'd be furious if Ds or dd take our money when we're older and I'd expect them to be rightly angry if we did it to them.
However, as I've already said he's stupid to keep leaving it around bwcuase of the choking risk.

Viviennemary Wed 03-Apr-13 13:27:18

YANBU to remove the money. Just announce you will be spending it on a treat but don't do it without telling him.

Yes that's fair enough. We have joint money so if I take a few pounds off dh's bedside table it'a nit stealing. The only train I would check with him first was to make sure he doesn't need the cash - I'm not making his permission as such. Same goes for his car - I tell him when I'm taking it so he knows. When he broke his leg and so 100% wouldn't be driving it, I took full possession. But if you have separate finances and possessions it becomes more tricky.

Coconutty Wed 03-Apr-13 13:33:31

I can't understand this his money, my money stuff as we just have one bank account and spend it on whatever.

If I were you I would tell him that you've been collecting his cash and are all off out for the day and does he want to come?

Mrsrobertduvall Wed 03-Apr-13 13:39:02

Dh leaves money in his trouser pockets regularly, and I reckon since Christmas I have accumulated about £ 50 of very clean coins.

Mrsrobertduvall Wed 03-Apr-13 13:39:44

Posted too soon....I find them in the washing machine when I've washed his trousers,

I keep washing pine cones and stones too, the stones cone up lovely

Yanbu - perfect solution!

MortifiedAdams Wed 03-Apr-13 13:53:19

Id do the same, but we have a joint bank account so really, its my money too..

Inertia Wed 03-Apr-13 14:13:52

Spend it on a first aid course for DH so that he at least knows how to deal with the consequences of his thoughtlessness.

StuntGirl Wed 03-Apr-13 14:20:32

Mix them in a pie and give it to hm. Let him see how it feels to choke on them.

Couldn't care less about the 'tidy' aspect if it, the fucking negligence would make me angry

teacherwith2kids Wed 03-Apr-13 14:22:18

How are your family finances overall?

Taken as a whole - your money, his overdraft, this money - how much do you have? Are you, as a family, on a decent financial footing? Do you have enough for the basics - food, warmth, clothes, transport?

If your overall financial situation is healthy, then spending this 'found' / saved money on a treat - for all of you including him, of course, as it is money that belongs to all of you, as if you live as a family then it shouldn't be reckoned up separately (How do you buy food? Pay electricity? Pay rent / mortgage? Do you meticulously account his / your money for all of those things?).

If your overall financial situation isn't healthy, then put this saved money to better use in terms of buying food / paying bills / buying the kids a pair of shoes.

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