to feel annoyed at that women in the coffee shop?

(287 Posts)
gabsid Tue 02-Apr-13 19:11:52

Today I sat down at a sofa (2 2-seater sofas) in a busy city coffee shop enjoying my coffee and waiting for DP and DC. A woman with a baby came up to me and asked whether the second sofa was free and I said no since I was waiting - fine. The people on the next sofa just left so she took that seat, when within the next 5 minutes another 3 women with 2 babies arrived!

Had I been by myself I would have offered the sofa and I would have been happy for 2 more people to share my table, but share 2 2-seater sofas with 4 adults and 2 babies? I would have been very annoyed and probably left to find somewhere else to sit. That would have been so rude of them!

Luckily it didn't come to that, but it might have.

LadyVoldemort Tue 02-Apr-13 19:13:03

What? confused

You feel annoyed about a situation that didn't happen confused

ArteggsMonkey Tue 02-Apr-13 19:14:32

Phew, what a relief eh.

isitsnowingyet Tue 02-Apr-13 19:15:34

It's a good thing she asked then ...

Euphemia Tue 02-Apr-13 19:15:45

I'm really not sure who annoyed you. confused

Next time, have coffee by yourself at a little table?

TedRoombax Tue 02-Apr-13 19:16:30


I hope you glared and tutted at them

HDEE Tue 02-Apr-13 19:16:41

She's nicer than me. I'd have sat 'your' second sofa, and stuffed whether you were waiting for someone or not, if I already had my coffee, I come first.

Skullnbones Tue 02-Apr-13 19:17:02


AstroSnot Tue 02-Apr-13 19:17:12

Sounds like a nightmare !!!!

acceptableinthe80s Tue 02-Apr-13 19:17:55

You cant 'keep' seats in coffee shops. You sound about 5. I have a small coffee shop and if someones waiting on a friend, they get 5 mins, 10 max. It's a business, not a sixth form common room!

Sirzy Tue 02-Apr-13 19:18:03

What was the problem?

Iamsparklyknickers Tue 02-Apr-13 19:18:08

I was at some pedestrian lights today and there was a woman waiting on the opposite side.

I'm still fuming hours later, imagine she'd got there a couple of minutes before me and I'd just missed the lights and had to press the button again.


Ledkr Tue 02-Apr-13 19:18:54

Did they all beast feed grin

grin @ sparklyknickers.

Ledkr Tue 02-Apr-13 19:20:02

Ha ha ha ha beast feed? <laughs at own mistake>

purrpurr Tue 02-Apr-13 19:20:38

The coffeegate that never was. Drama llama.

ParadiseChick Tue 02-Apr-13 19:20:56

Hope you're ok op <hugs>

CheCazzo Tue 02-Apr-13 19:21:55


Broken Britain


I was at the supermarket earlier and someone didn't park in the parent and child parking but I thought they might. There was also a Greggs in the complex so he could have had a sausage roll. He didn't but might have.

I am still angry hours later.

McNewPants2013 Tue 02-Apr-13 19:22:19

This is one of my pet hates, you can't reserve seats when there is people with food/drinks waiting to sit down.

EllieArroway Tue 02-Apr-13 19:22:39

Hang on - are you annoyed because you think the lady who spoke to you but took another sofa didn't move when another group of mums and babies came in?

Or are you annoyed at the group wanting to share the other lady's table?

In any event - what on earth is there to feel "annoyed" about?

Did a big fight happen that you're not telling us about?

That women was indeed an utter cunt.

Reminds me of the time where someone almost bought something I didn't want or need. The bastards.

MrsKoala Tue 02-Apr-13 19:23:02

sounds like one for viz letterbocks. i've got a top tip to avoid just this problem. next time smear shit all over your face and no one will want to share your table.

you're welcome grin

CheCazzo Tue 02-Apr-13 19:24:19

<<<arf>>>@ MrsKoala


whattodoo Tue 02-Apr-13 19:24:50

Hang on.

You were enjoying your coffee. Where were DP and DC at this point? Queuing for their beverages (if so, why didn't you pay together).

Or were they not one cafe with you but elsewhere in the city? If the latter, then you had no right to reserve any of the 2seater sofas.

(May be over thinking this a tad).

EllieArroway Tue 02-Apr-13 19:24:55

I was really annoyed because the bloke behind the Tescos checkout might have leered at me and said, "Nice melons, love". He didn't - but imagine if he had?What a wanker angry

Sailormercury Tue 02-Apr-13 19:27:55

Go and make some chamomile tea you poor thing. Here's a liitle something to go with it biscuit. You strange creature.

Ellie, from what I gather, lady with baby asked if sofa was free. OP said no. Lady moved on and sat at another sofa, where she was joined by her friends and babies.

OP was angered that had she have said "yes, use sofa" she would have been surrounded by ladies with babies!

OP, you're being a silly sausage.
No rudeness happened.

LadyBeagleEyes Tue 02-Apr-13 19:29:07

Crying with laughter at some of the responses on here.

KurriKurri Tue 02-Apr-13 19:29:45

The Daily Mail could well be interested in this story, have you got a 'my table was almost sat at' sadface for the photo OP?

Alternatively, try Channel five - they might want to include your anecdote in their upcoming documentary 'Sofa Woman: My life in the Cafe Police'

ihatethecold Tue 02-Apr-13 19:30:41

Ffs. I've had a shit day but obviously now way near as bad as yours could have been

ParadiseChick Tue 02-Apr-13 19:31:23

Hope you're ok op <hugs>

dexter73 Tue 02-Apr-13 19:32:01

EllieArroway - I would report him just in case he doesn't do it to another lady at Tesco. You would never forgive yourself if you could have stopped him not saying something to someone else sad

ubik Tue 02-Apr-13 19:32:41
LadyBeagleEyes Tue 02-Apr-13 19:32:53

I saw a woman walking her dog today when it did a poo right in the middle of the pavement, imagine how angry I would have been if she hadn't cleaned it up.
But she did.

montage Tue 02-Apr-13 19:35:17

Ah yes OP, it's the "foot in the door sales technique"

A bit like when a chugger says they just want to talk to you for a minute but they are going to follow up that request with one for your bank details.

Imagine what could have happened if a woman and child had asked to sit on the sofa and then the rest of her family from "16 kids and counting" had joined could have really been squashed on that 2-seater sofa then.

LineRunner Tue 02-Apr-13 19:38:15

I am glad you were enjoying your coffee. If you hadn't been enjoying your coffee that would have been an unenjoyable experience for you. I hope this has helped, OP. That'll be $100.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Peachy Tue 02-Apr-13 19:40:25

I share your pain OP

I walked down a street and someone passed me and didn't push me under a lorry, but might have done.

Then I went to the shop and nobody hit me with a haddock but they MIGHT have done. I am apoplectic with rage that someone may well have even stuffed a raw sausage into my ear whilst singing ABBA songs and dancing an Irish jig wearing only a skinned rabbit.

I mean, they didn't, but they MIGHT HAVE DONE IT

How are people share this planet, eh?

Peachy Tue 02-Apr-13 19:41:13

Dare. How DARE people share this planet. Gah.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Tue 02-Apr-13 19:41:30

Can someone explain please. Is this a joke about some other thread?

coffeeinbed Tue 02-Apr-13 19:42:11

Arf at beast feed

Lucyellensmum95 Tue 02-Apr-13 19:42:47

But just imagine if she HAD sat there, the other mothers would have been there talking about curtains and moaning about the gas man turning up late. Ignored their LOs who would have proceeded to climb all over the OP and then vomited in her mulberry bag. In the panic that ensued one of the children could have been left with the OP who may not have noticed the extra one until dinner this evening and would have had nothing to feed it. She THEN would have had to send her DH to the shop for cow and gates, whilst T-rexing in the aisle, bumped into sharron and fucked her in the photo booth - and the whole sorry affair would have started over again. Meanwhile the OP would have been left at home with a vomit smelling mulberry bag and an extra child.

OldBagWantsNewBag Tue 02-Apr-13 19:44:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Grockle Tue 02-Apr-13 19:44:24



Someone knocked at the door earlier... usually the dog jumps the babygate that keeps her locked in the kitchen & runs & jumps at up the door, barking a lot whilst I remind her to be quiet & sit down. But she didn't jump the gate shock


Oh, now. I think we should all think on. There but for the grace of God go all of us, no? Who amongst us has not been not affected by a similar event that never was?

Maybe we should start a 'Not so Near-miss' helpline. If you have been affected by the issues raised in this thread, call 0800-Utter-Non-Event to share your story.

EllieArroway Tue 02-Apr-13 19:45:28

Ellie, from what I gather, lady with baby asked if sofa was free. OP said no. Lady moved on and sat at another sofa, where she was joined by her friends and babies

Oh, I see. That makes slightly more sense.

Iamsparklyknickers Tue 02-Apr-13 19:47:49

Come back Gabsid, we's just joshing you grin

eminemmerdale Tue 02-Apr-13 19:49:46

I am crying with laughter, and I so need to be what with what didn't happen to me today.

macdoodle Tue 02-Apr-13 19:50:07

hahahahaha - this thread has made my day

LineRunner Tue 02-Apr-13 19:50:08

Ah! Ha!

FeralStreep Tue 02-Apr-13 19:51:54

MrsKoala I am crying

BenjaminButton172 Tue 02-Apr-13 19:53:13

And i thought my day was bad.
Oh dear OP i do hope you are well now.

Have you considered counselling?

Even if you don't engage a therapist you should definitely call the police HUN

olivertheoctopus Tue 02-Apr-13 19:56:00

I have read the post 3 times and still don't understand it...

sleeton Tue 02-Apr-13 19:56:18

next time smear shit all over your face and no one will want to share your table

I think you just made me wet myself ........

LovesBeingWokenEveryNight Tue 02-Apr-13 19:56:29

No I've read it three times and I have no idea what Jeff you are on about

Emilythornesbff Tue 02-Apr-13 19:58:09

grin @mrskoala

scottishtablet Tue 02-Apr-13 20:00:44

Poor OP grin

Coconutty Tue 02-Apr-13 20:00:47

Thank God for that near miss.

I wasn't so lucky. I saw a woman walking towards me and opened the door for her as she had a buggy. At least 367 people walked through while I stood holding the door and I only had one thank you.

I only went to get the paper and was gone 3 hours.

SmilingCrocodile Tue 02-Apr-13 20:03:56

No I've read it three times and I have no idea what Jeff you are on about

What I understood from the thread is -

If the OP was completely by herself in the coffee shop and the 3 women with 2 babies had asked if they could share the 2-seater sofa she was sitting on then she would have found that annoying and unreasonable.

But they never asked ... and therefore this situation never happened.

MrsKoala Tue 02-Apr-13 20:04:24

i am genuinely shocked i am the only poster to offer the OP a real solution to this problem. shame on you all. tsk tsk.

Next time, cover all the remaining spare seats with beach towels. That way other people will know they are reserved and not bother you wink

Euphemia Tue 02-Apr-13 20:08:56

See, my reading of it is that the OP was hogging two sofas to herself when up came:

(1) Woman + baby

Who then went to sit elsewhere. Barely two minutes later a second party, entirely unrelated to Woman + baby and comprising:

(2) Three women + two babies

approached the OP and asked if they could sit. Hence the OP's final nightmare scenario of:

Four adults + two babies
(OP + the second party of invaders)

The maths don't work if the first woman and her baby are included. smile

Euphemia Tue 02-Apr-13 20:10:13

Wins the prize for most random thread of the day, though!


Euphemia Tue 02-Apr-13 20:11:02

Oh in fact (2) never spoke to the OP at all, did they?

<bangs head on floor>

SmilingCrocodile Tue 02-Apr-13 20:12:41

I didn't get that Euphemia

3 women & 2 babies + the OP with = the 4 women and 2 babies
(The 4 adults and 2 babies mentioned in the OP)

If it was the 3 women & 2 babies + the other women baby that would = 4 adults and 3 babies.

They also never approached the OP and asked if they could sit there.

landofsoapandglory Tue 02-Apr-13 20:13:19

I am wondering if the OP is the woman who saved 2 seats in Argos today, whilst her DP and DC paid!

DS and I were sat there looking like this hmm going WTF?

(I swear to you all, that did happen!)

No, no, no.

OP was saving seats and approached by Woman One. She said no, Woman One found another table. Woman One then joined by Women Many.
IMAGINE if OP had not said no to sharing - she'd have been sitting Really Quite Near to the many Women and their babies.
Luckily she did and so she didn't. Phew.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 02-Apr-13 20:17:11

Arf at LEM95 grin

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 02-Apr-13 20:19:36

Actually. I don't understand the OP


CheerfulYank Tue 02-Apr-13 20:23:13


Wtaf? grin

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 02-Apr-13 20:23:30


Why did you (OP) say the second sofa wasn't free?

a) it wasn't your sofa. You had a sofa to yourself (sofa 1)


b) other people were sitting right there (sofa 2) (the ones you say left shortly afterwards) so she could see it wasn't free

roastednut Tue 02-Apr-13 20:25:04

Love this thread! Nearly made me laugh as much as the farting one from weeks ago!

abbyfromoz Tue 02-Apr-13 20:25:49

Bahaha- this is a joke right?

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 02-Apr-13 20:26:35

also, were the sofas perpendicular to each other, or parallel?
Where was the table in relation to the sofas?
Was it round or square?
Does sofas have an apostrophe? If so, why? (is sofa short for something? If so, what?)

Jamie - two sets of tables, each with two sofas round 'em.

OP and her absent family had one table, two sofas.

Woman and Friends found another table, two sofas.

Rest of cafe breathed sigh of relief at the narrowly averted disaster.

Or that's what I understand.

OP to avoid this in future, push sofas together and lie down over all of it, starfish style. I can guarantee no-one will even ask.

Also are you the woman in the ice-rink that spent 1/2 hour last week spitting feathers because I dared to sit on an empty chair without a table but in the vague area of you and your table?

She spent the whole time discussing with her rude son that I wanted their table, we're going so she can have our table as she wants it so much, we can leave our rubbish here, if she wants your table so much she can have our rubbish too.hmm

I didn't want or need the table, made no intention to have the table and wasn't anywhere near the bloody table.

Couldn't read my book for laughing at her annoyance.

gordyslovesheep Tue 02-Apr-13 20:27:55

the very nerve of some people - I hope you told them what you felt your head...where all this exists

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 02-Apr-13 20:28:34

Thankyou Sue. The whole scenario is just making me feeling rather anxious.

Any opinion on the apostrophe?

BrokenBritain Tue 02-Apr-13 20:29:10 called? grin

SmilingCrocodile Tue 02-Apr-13 20:29:16

Why did you (OP) say the second sofa wasn't free?

Because she was sat on a 2 seater sofa and was with her DH and DC.

Therefore needed 3 out of the 4 seats.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 02-Apr-13 20:32:03


Thankyou. Maths never was my strong suit.

You could argue that saving 2 sofas on a busy day was a bit shellfish

No apostrophe as it's a plural, innit? Sofa's would be something belonging to the sofa. I'm not sure what. Perhaps a space it doesn't need.

If many sofas owned something I think you'd do the sofas' apostrophe (could be wrong), but I don't spose it comes up an awful lot.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 02-Apr-13 20:33:12


Yes you are right. I was kinda hoping sofa was short for something.

Like sofackingwhat

TondelayoSchwarzkopf Tue 02-Apr-13 20:34:02

OP did you over hear the women talking and were they planning to have more babies so they could get free council houses?

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sofuckingwhat grin

Sofa so good smile

Sofa away <thank GOODNESS>

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 02-Apr-13 20:40:05

So near and yet .....sofa

Grockle Tue 02-Apr-13 20:42:07

Where's the OP gone? Come back!

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nice one Jamie grin

Coconutty Tue 02-Apr-13 20:45:24

Maybe they weren't sofas but settees.

Has anyone considered that?

Hullygully Tue 02-Apr-13 20:46:15

don't we KNOW gabsid...hemmm?

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

c - ouch!

lazarusb Tue 02-Apr-13 20:46:50

BeerTricks Don't forget to smear shit on your face too...You'll have the place to yourself grin

Settees, eh? Then she did right to chaise them away

OP next time, put your futon it.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 02-Apr-13 20:50:38


I feel a bit guilty. I think the OP would have had a point and now we're getting all carried away with silliness and puns.


Come back, you don't have to "settle" for this treatment

Coconutty Tue 02-Apr-13 20:52:24


JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 02-Apr-13 20:52:45

Don't suffah (Arabic for sofa <smirk>.) in silence

Course, when I were a lad there were none of this sofas in coffee shops nonsense. But then. I'm old-Stool.

IncrediblePhatTheInnkeepersCat Tue 02-Apr-13 20:56:18

I think the OP has disappeared in a pouffe of smoke.

BOEUF Tue 02-Apr-13 20:56:30

Chair up love, it might never happen.

apostropheuse Tue 02-Apr-13 20:56:40

OK just to clarify for all who are having trouble understanding the OP's scenario:

She goes into café and sits her arse on one two-arsed sofa.
There is a further two-arse sofa nearby - probably across a low oak coffee table. I imagine the sofas are brown leather.

This cheeky bastard walks into the café and asks OP - Can I sit my arse on that spare two-arsed sofa sitting at the other side of the low oak coffee table?

OP at this point sweetly smiles and says no I'm waiting for husband and weans to arrive - probably only two weans as you can't overcrowd two-arse sofas and the OP is well aware of this.

Cheeky bastard newcomer probably rolls her eyes, thinking what a numpty, and goes off to another area in the café where there is another two-arse sofa free. She sits her one arse on sofa and is shortly joined by another 3 women with one arse each - and two babies into the bargain!

Well at this point the OP thinks, thank goodness she didn't sit on MY other brown leather two-arse sofa which is sitting on the opposite side of the low oak coffee table from me! If that had happened there would have been a total of five adult women arses and two weans to sit on two two-arse sofas. (OP's arse and the other four women's arses, just to reiterate).

Now of course, all of this has really upset the OP, but before you all condemn her please just think of this. None of you can judge as you don't know the size of the OP's arse. She might have had a medical need to ensure that her arse wasn't squeezed in any way. Or perhaps not.


Imagine if she'd sat down and BF
There would have been a chest( in your)field of vision!!!

UptheChimney Tue 02-Apr-13 20:58:18

Terrible. Other people daring to clog up cafés with their children just when you wanted the Whole World for your one child.

Some people have no consideration.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 02-Apr-13 20:59:02


Look, the poor OP clearly meant no arm. rest assured, it could happen to anyone.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 02-Apr-13 20:59:30

Oh my upholstered dais!

Yeh yeh yeh, sofa jokes blah blah v good but LOOK Sue's back hurrah!

<misses the point>

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SirChenjin Tue 02-Apr-13 21:01:42

Good - that's what you get got keeping a seat in a coffee shop. Buy your bloody coffee and THEN find a seat so those of us who have already bought our coffees don't have to wander round a cafe looking at tables with only one person on them while our coffee gets cold <froths at mouth> <froths some more>

MillyMollyMandy78 Tue 02-Apr-13 21:02:07

I have had the worst day (seriously - and nothing to do with sofas) but this thread has made my day. So funny!

Fleecyslippers Tue 02-Apr-13 21:02:47

Faux leather or real leather ?

apostropheuse Tue 02-Apr-13 21:04:41

Faux leather, with saggy cushions subtly shaped by the many arses which have graced them fleecy

Vicky2011 Tue 02-Apr-13 21:07:21

"So funny" - brilliant MMM78

ShatnersBassoon Tue 02-Apr-13 21:07:31

I get ya op. I was in Costa yesterday and a woman asked me if she could have the paper that was on my table as I was leaving. It was my paper and I hadn't finished with it so she apologised and had to make do with an Express from another table. It's a good job she didn't throw her coffee in my face, wrestle me to the ground and take the paper from me. I'd have been really mad with her for a really long time.

kungfupannda Tue 02-Apr-13 21:07:34

If anyone manages to get chaise longue into a post, I will follow them around the boards agreeing with everything they say forevermore.

CheCazzo Tue 02-Apr-13 21:07:41

Loving that there really is a NN BrokenBritain grin

Is all this anything to do with Sharon? confused

I am NOT back <sucked in>. And I got chaise in, does that count?

Pleather or not its faux, the principle is the same smile

kungfupannda Tue 02-Apr-13 21:09:38

No. It's got to be the whole thing. Or no slavish agreement for all eternity.

The chaise can be longue when trying to find a sofa in a coffee shop, so, OP, YABU grin

RustyBear Tue 02-Apr-13 21:11:13

Kungfu - you mean you will chaise them for a longue time?


Salmotrutta Tue 02-Apr-13 21:11:24

I am literally crying here, the cats shot of the chair in alarm when I snorted out loud and have now got the hump.

Dead wasp anyone?

ShatnersBassoon Tue 02-Apr-13 21:11:45

Where's OP? Chaise longue since disappeared. Ugh, that's terrible...

Salmotrutta Tue 02-Apr-13 21:12:06


Ok so, imagine if that woman had not only sat near the OP and invited ten of her closest friends to join her, but had also STOLEN the Op's skinny latte and amusingly oversized Bourbon biscuit?
She would have had to have given chaise, longue and hard until she caught her. Them biscuits are worth fighting for.

Will that do?


I feel I should be awarded points for adding more to the entirely imaginary scenario in the OP. I captured the spirit.

kungfupannda Tue 02-Apr-13 21:14:53

Pfft. I fart in the general direction of your pathetic attempts.

When I was little, my family used to play a slightly crap game where you had to choose a category of items and then get them into sentences as puns. One game involved haberdashery items (I know, I know, it was a long journey and we'd played every other possible game) My grandad sat in absolute silence until everyone had given up on elastic and then quietly said "You know, I wanted to go to the concert but ALAS TICKets were not available"

I await a glorious moment like that. But with a chaise longue.

KurriKurri Tue 02-Apr-13 21:15:26

For some reason that bit from Fawlty Towers keeps coming into my mind;

Mr. Hutchinson: Is it possible for me to reserve the BBC2 channel for the duration of this televisual feast?

Basil Fawlty: Why don't you talk properly?

kungfupannda Tue 02-Apr-13 21:16:13


[embraces Sue and assumes slavish position 3 paces behind, nodding in agreement]

[offers Shatner a token nod]

Sue really took the biscuit with that one ( badadabish)

Salmotrutta Tue 02-Apr-13 21:17:24

That's not a crap game kungfu.

I remember playing the Fish version in the pub years ago.

Excellent, Kungfu. Course, I only post on telly threads now (apart from this one, but the genius of the OP was enough to suck me in). So you'll have to come agree with my insightful comments on Jessie J's pleather trews.

ShatnersBassoon Tue 02-Apr-13 21:20:13

Token nod is the pinnacle of my Mumsnet life. I'm touched.

kungfupannda Tue 02-Apr-13 21:21:01

With booze presumably, Salmo.

Try playing it entirely sober in a car from Newcastle to Inverness in the days before ipads and smart phones!

Anyway, I'm off for a bath. I agree with anything Sue says while I'm gone.

I think that kungfupannda is a caah with visible nasal hair <predictable>

GreenEggsAndNichts Tue 02-Apr-13 21:23:42

I am so glad I clicked on this thread. smile

I think kungfupanda is an imposter, I mean, pandas can't even manage to reproduce, never mind get a black belt. Lazy feckers.

Salmotrutta Tue 02-Apr-13 21:24:49

So am I.

It's like The Piano Wig Thread.

IncrediblePhatTheInnkeepersCat Tue 02-Apr-13 21:25:26

The OP's gOT TO MANage to post some more details.

Salmotrutta Tue 02-Apr-13 21:26:45

I was trying to think of an ottoman pun!

You horrid person!

I'm stuck on upholstery
Can't work a gun into a sentence, any ideas?

Gun would be too hard.That's chesterfield-ing I have.

Salmotrutta Tue 02-Apr-13 21:36:01

I'm rifling through ideas as I type Katie

Can't be going off half-cocked now can we?

Uzi does it now.

MiaCulper Tue 02-Apr-13 21:37:29

This is just a field (chesterfield?) day for the Larkers, innit?

Poor OP. sad Someone very nearly almost sat at my table last week. It's a scary thing, and one that more and more of us will have to face soon enough.

MiaCulper Tue 02-Apr-13 21:38:49

Dammit, Sue, your absence hasn't slowed your typing down any, has it?

Did you know you've still got your Christmas hoverererer on?

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 02-Apr-13 21:40:07

I don't think the OP will come back now, chaise a bit too longue in the tooth for all this nonsense

I do, but I like it. The old hoverererer just denies having purple labia.

Maryz Tue 02-Apr-13 21:40:11

Oh, this has cheered me right up.

Nombrechanger Tue 02-Apr-13 21:40:42

You ok Hun?

ShatnersBassoon Tue 02-Apr-13 21:41:09

That damned women in the coffee shop. Upholsting her right to sit with friends and enjoy a coffee and cake banquette near other pewple.

I'm exhausted.

The OP prolly won't come back, and youse should all be ashamed. You Ottoman your own business and not be judging people who need sofas.

MiaCulper Tue 02-Apr-13 21:42:55

Ooh, I like banquette. Good call.

VinegarDrinker Tue 02-Apr-13 21:43:01

I love you all. Fab thread.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 02-Apr-13 21:43:01

Pewple. Now I've setteen it all.

Sunnywithshowers Tue 02-Apr-13 21:46:21

Arm chair the OP won't be back.

Maryz Tue 02-Apr-13 21:48:31

Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee <snogs>

How're your purply bits?

I forgive everything that happens around here if it has brought you and Stratters back grin

Nice work grin

Salmotrutta Tue 02-Apr-13 21:51:15

Maryz - I really feel you should couch that in more dignified terms.

Let my skills be your bench mark.

Stratters is back I think, I am not. I am not really here grin. Me or purple labia.
Only for that this OP is genuinely my favourite MN post ever have I ventured into AIBU.

Sue has beanbag for a while now Maryz grin

I most certainly have not. Button(back) your lip, you, or I will throw you dirty looks. Or maybe deck(chair) you, if you're not careful <scraping barrel>

SadGiantPanda Tue 02-Apr-13 21:56:42

Ah, OP, that is a very sad hypothetical situation. sad It has made me even sadder. sad

It reminds me of that terrible time when I was sitting in a coffee shop and somebody almost wished extinction upon me. sad

Maryz Tue 02-Apr-13 21:57:20


I love this thread, really love it. It should be nominated for Classics [hopeful]

How are you still alive SHP?
Are you in your local Habitat?

Feck, SGP !!!

apostropheuse Tue 02-Apr-13 22:06:04

I'm guessing the OP hasn't bean bag yet?

HoneyDragon Tue 02-Apr-13 22:13:45

Good Heavens Op. I'm amazed you leave the house knowing all the shit that probably won't be waiting you outside.

Lovecat Tue 02-Apr-13 22:14:19

I've just read most of this thread out to DH, as he asked what I was giggling helplessly about.

What he has gleaned from all this is that MrsKoala is probably a man, as 'she' has helpfully offered a practical solution whilst everyone else has just empathised with all the terrible things that didn't happen to them...


anothershittynickname Tue 02-Apr-13 22:19:36

I have read all this thread.



Quite probably wet myself a little.

I still however, have NO idea what happened in the coffee shop :-/

Oi, Mr Lovecat. I started a HELPLINE.

cocoachannel Tue 02-Apr-13 22:23:17

I hope to goodness she wasn't drinking a frappuccino in this weather. That would just be the limit.

I suggested using towels, The German way ( sulks)

Lovecat Tue 02-Apr-13 22:27:32

And where's the number, Sue? WHERE'S THE NUMBER?? Even as I type things that might happen are not happening - I need help (not least with Mr Lovecat)!

KurriKurri Tue 02-Apr-13 22:27:34

It's all very well to laugh, but will no one think of the hypothetical children sad

I gave the number, but like wot the Americans do, with letters. Cos it was funnier.
I've got nobody to man the hypothetical helpline though, which might be OK, as they're only imaginary situations. Or we could ask Mrs Koala to do it.

ShatnersBassoon Tue 02-Apr-13 22:30:48

Sue said the number is 999. She didn't, but imagine if she did. She beggars belief, the idiot.

I do. i beggar it.

Grockle Tue 02-Apr-13 22:34:04


You lot have far too much time on your hands.

I'm worried about the OP though - she's not come back. Any number of terrible things that might happen might not have happened to her and you are all here laughing sad

SlinkyB Tue 02-Apr-13 22:43:31

I just cried laughing at this thread, brilliant.

It really annoys dh when I sit here laughing my head off at my phone, but I don't care grin

EvenBetter Tue 02-Apr-13 22:43:32

She's probably trying to order a 'flat white' from a faceless corporation with faux colonial wood decor and 'shabby chic' paint effects. Bleeaarrghh. Please everyone spare a thought for the people who work in cafes that have to deal with people like this everyday. •sob

Why hasn't anyone suggested that the OP/mothers /sofa may be depressed or have sleep apnoea yet?

Euphemia Tue 02-Apr-13 22:47:05

I can't say "Flat White" without a glottal stop at the end of each word - it sounds poncy and school-marmish to enunciate the words properly.

So I have an Americano instead. smile

Namehelpplease Tue 02-Apr-13 22:52:58


Euphemia Tue 02-Apr-13 22:54:30

I live in Dundee, where the glottal stop is king! smile

VivaLeBeaver Tue 02-Apr-13 23:05:05

How very fucking lazy (boy) of the woman to sit down on a sofa.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Tue 02-Apr-13 23:22:19

<cries with laughter>

Lucyellensmum95 Tue 02-Apr-13 23:23:25

So, is a glottal stop where you don't pronounce your Ts then?

KurriKurri Tue 02-Apr-13 23:25:45

Maybe OP is having an early night so she can gear up to deal with all the things that might happen to her tomorrow (but won't).

Lucyellensmum95 Tue 02-Apr-13 23:28:16

this has fried my head so if i were from Dundee i'd say

Fla whi?? but with some sort of emphasis on the vowel rather than just not saying it like my DP who is from Sarf Lundun?

So latte would be Lar(stop)eh?

Cappucinno? hmmmm

shellyf Tue 02-Apr-13 23:34:49

laughing hard at responsesJust the tonic I needed today :-)

Pandemoniaa Wed 03-Apr-13 00:03:06

I could have died laughing at this thread.

But I didn't.

It was a close run thing though.

LovesBeingWokenEveryNight Wed 03-Apr-13 00:08:22

SmilingCrocodile - thanks I get it now

BOEUF Wed 03-Apr-13 00:10:13

Pandemoniaa grin

meddie Wed 03-Apr-13 01:55:37

I think its BU to suggest using towels to reserve seats Katie. Not everyone is comfortable seeing San-pro in Costas!

BigHands Wed 03-Apr-13 07:18:44

What a nasty bunch you lot are.

gabsid Wed 03-Apr-13 08:25:17

Oh my god, I have started something here [surprise] - I haven't even answered yet and a number of people find it necessary to make assumptions and start being nasty, and there are always others who join in. Sad!

I meet my friends at that very same coffee shop regularly (4 of us and 2 small DC) but we would never ask to join a single person an a big sofa table, whether they are waiting or not. I would consider it as very rude to take over their table. I would ask if I was by myself though.

Besides I was waiting less than 5 min for DP and DC.

anothershittynickname Wed 03-Apr-13 08:30:46

Who's been nasty?

Basically they've taken the piss because you got a bit stressy over a non event - I haven't seen nasty though!!

FWIW - YABU, I wouldn't consider it rude to ask to share an otherwise empty table in a busy coffee shop, I fact, I would consider it ruder to expect to have the whole area to yourself!

gabsid Wed 03-Apr-13 08:31:45

Just read some more of that thread, maybe I should start another one like it if you find it that amusing grin

gabsid Wed 03-Apr-13 08:33:17

No, you are right. I started of reading the first page when I wrote my reply.

gabsid Wed 03-Apr-13 08:34:54

Yes, but I would I there are 4 of you and there are only 4 seats on the sofas, one of them already occupied.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lucyellensmum95 Wed 03-Apr-13 08:51:19

What do you think of mumsnet sofa?

JamieandtheMagicTorch Wed 03-Apr-13 08:52:33


Yes, they were probably being a bit cheeky. Hoping you would bugger off eventually. Or maybe the first woman didn't know when her friends were going to arrive and just wanted to sit down with her baby.

None of us meant to be mean. Your OP was worded in a funny way, and sometime we get carried away with our punning.

Nottoman amongst us wanted to upset you

BigHands Wed 03-Apr-13 08:53:05

It's 9 pages of taking the piss. Yes OP was being unreasonable - just tell her that rather than have 200 posts making her feel stupid.

BigHands Wed 03-Apr-13 08:53:47

X post...

Sarah919 Wed 03-Apr-13 08:54:18

This thread is the funniest thing I've read in a long time, but I absolutely understand your feelings OP. I've seen that sort of thing happen lots of times in coffee shops and usually the person on their own who was there first moves elsewhere and the other people who were overcrowding them end up with the area to themselves.

och it's all goodnatured stuff

no one has said you precious madam

and there were some WONDERFUL jokes AND SUE's back

I call this thread a TRIUMPH, Gabsid [thumbs up]

HoneyDragon Wed 03-Apr-13 08:56:36


Now you're back. Thankyou. Thankyou so much for this thread thanks. You have made a lot of people very very happy, and I think you have yourself a contender for Classics.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Wed 03-Apr-13 08:59:40


The Mothers Mafia are speccialy guilty of this, but I try and forgive because I remember how very tired you are at that time, and how it is simply not possbible to go around in anything otherr than a tired, anxious yet competitive pack. Not me, you understand. I hate coffee, and overpriced coffee shops.

Grockle Wed 03-Apr-13 09:12:31

Gabsid, no-one was laughing at you...

The OP was amusing because it was unclear on first reading what had gone on and you appeared completely outraged at something that didn't actually happen. grin

I've been really ill, am feeling quite unhappy & hopeless but this thread has made me laugh a lot. No-one was mean or attacking you, but it sparked a lot of banter and made many of us smile. I suspect I shall remember this thread every time I meet a friend for coffee.

Don't take offence. This is mumsnet. We're lovely.


Maryz Wed 03-Apr-13 09:21:00

I really hope you see the funny side of this gabsid, and can laugh along with the rest of us. This thread made me laugh so much last night - it really cheered me up.

Sometimes these threads just take off and gain a life of their own - which is very "mumsnetty" and is something to celebrate.

So thankyou smile

sherazade Wed 03-Apr-13 09:24:24

YANBU. How very dare she.

GreenEggsAndNichts Wed 03-Apr-13 09:53:23

Gabsid (and defenders) I think Grockle's post sums it up. The situation as described in the OP wasn't entirely clear, and it took off from there. If I'm honest, if it had been perfectly clear, the thread wouldn't have been nearly as amusing. grin

I think there's hope for MN yet if the OP can be gracious about piss-taking and only one person turns up with the 'MN at it's worsed/VILE/Call yourselfs mothers/Nasty thread' comments.

thanks OP, it was genuinely the funniest OP I've ever seen on MN and you're a good sport.

<off to hide in Telly again>

ginslinger Wed 03-Apr-13 10:20:30

I have wet mysef and this thread has made up for a lot of the cuntishness in other places

Coconutty Wed 03-Apr-13 10:21:24

I think this thread was vay funny and hope that the OP takes it in good spirit. flowers

saving seats in a coffee shop thread may not go so well though

FairyJen Wed 03-Apr-13 10:30:25

Well I'm not happy op! I was innocently m'netting with a coffee and came across this. I actually choked and inhaled coffee down wrong hole angry

Tres hilaire tho! grin

MrsKoala Wed 03-Apr-13 10:35:14

OP can i just point out that (as noted by mrlovetit) i was the only one in this nest of vipers to offer a real achievable solution. So practical was my suggestion, that i was even accused of being from a more pragmatic gender. but sadly after extensive rooting in my pants, i can confirm i am merely a woman punching above my weight. however, i concede i am solutions based and at work am unaffectionately known as 'the enforcer'

hope you have a good day OP - cheers for the laugh ;)

Pandemoniaa Wed 03-Apr-13 10:36:01

It's been brilliant entertainment, thanks OP.
And I'm not being hypothetical in my acclaim.

Lucyellensmum95 Wed 03-Apr-13 10:59:33

I hope the OP comes back, i think she'll fit in well she is clearly as barking as the rest of us

Salmotrutta Wed 03-Apr-13 11:29:34


Sorry for shouting.

MansView Wed 03-Apr-13 11:30:56

I hope you had a cup of decaf...

WingDefence Wed 03-Apr-13 12:02:20

I've just been crying with tiredness after feeding my 5 day old DD but this has turned to crying with laughter. OP, this has turned into a great thread so please don't get offended!

HoneyDragon Wed 03-Apr-13 13:09:20

Ops a reg Lucy

MmeLindor Wed 03-Apr-13 13:10:12

I believe you are quite new to MN?

No one was laughing at you, but at the funny OP that you posted. I am glad that you are taking it the way it was meant.

<pins on Top MNetter badge>

Lovecat Wed 03-Apr-13 13:23:43

grin grin grin @ Mr Lovetit. That is so his new name...

digerd Wed 03-Apr-13 13:29:19

This has rang bells with me, as I have had people saying things like to me, and I may have been guilty of doing the same at sometime.
"Oh, just think what might have happened. That's a warning never to do it, just incase". Many times I've heard those words. But it was about something serious/dangerous.
Not saving seats in a coffee shop, which I would never do incase the worse comes to the worse!!

Ezza1 Wed 03-Apr-13 15:45:56

Brilliant thread that has had me crying with laughter and momentarily forget all the crap going on around me.

Thanks all thanks

Round of applause to the OP
Best thread all year grin

gabsid Wed 03-Apr-13 19:36:38

No, I am not new to MN, I just don't usually start threads here. I just come here for entertainment myself once in a while.

I am glad something funny came out of me being genuinely annoyed at the time. Since I couldn't quite picture a solution to the space problem at the time, maybe one of them could have sat on my lap.

Maryz Wed 03-Apr-13 19:40:33

Good for you gabsid, taking the ribbing good-naturedly smile

I do think one of them sitting on your knee would have provoked quite a different (and probably much more boring thread).

Loads of puns about lap dancing though grin

whethergirl Wed 03-Apr-13 20:23:52

Best thread in ages thanks. Just when I think MN is losing the plot something like this comes along and makes my day.

I was sitting up til 4am writing an essay, and was feeling a bit lonely. It's so brilliant when something is so funny it actually makes you laugh out loud, all by yourself, and worth every filthy look my cat gave me for daring to make a noise.

Shaky Wed 03-Apr-13 22:52:59

Thank you for coming back OP, your thread has made me giggle.

It must have costa lot of guts

You are a star bucks

This is meant light hearted of course. grin

mollymawk Wed 03-Apr-13 23:12:47

Every evening after the children have gone to bed I have to sit down and do work, answer emails etc,and then when I am really tired and have to stop I have a quick look on MN for a few mins. And this is why. Literally LOL.

abbyfromoz Wed 03-Apr-13 23:22:35

OP if it was me i would have been thrilled... Yay! Friends?
Seriously lonely having coffee on your own every day!

gabsid Thu 04-Apr-13 07:43:22

I wasn't trying to be funny, neither was I traumatised by the experience. It was you lot who turned it into something funny!

Lucyellensmum95 Thu 04-Apr-13 11:35:40

Credit where its due gabs you have a great turn of phrase thanks

LineRunner Thu 04-Apr-13 11:46:59

gabs It was your genius use of, "Luckily it didn't come to that, but it might have," that set us off.

everlong Thu 04-Apr-13 11:49:12

My head is fucked.
I cannot make head nor tale of your OP. I have tried about 4 times to understand.

What was the problem again. wine for any kind soul that can be arsed explaining.

everlong Thu 04-Apr-13 11:49:51

Tail even.

coffeeinbed Thu 04-Apr-13 12:06:02

OP could have been overrun with beast feeding mums.
Luckily she wasn't.

That's is.
I think.

abbyfromoz Thu 04-Apr-13 12:07:24

It's a personal space issue.

quietlysuggests Thu 04-Apr-13 12:09:21

everlong - OP's point is- imagine what would have happened had she said Yes please sit. Well the first woman would have sat down and then been joined by her friends a few minutes later.
So OP is thinking "Why would that woman ask to join me when she knew she was meeting lots of people and there was no space for everyone" and "Imagine had I said yes - where would all her friends have sat? They would have squashed up next to me and there was not enough seats"

whereas woman who did the asking thought " theres a couple of sofas, I do love sofas for when we meet the women and babies. I will ask that woman sitting by herself, she looks like she might be about to leave. If she is leaving then that will be 2 sofas so all I need then is a coupld of the hard chairs and we'll be all set"

coffeeinbed Thu 04-Apr-13 12:09:23

Or the anticipation of a personal space issue, maybe?

everlong Thu 04-Apr-13 12:10:54

wine for you quietly thank you.

quietlysuggests Thu 04-Apr-13 12:12:52

It was a near miss in health and safety terms!
OP though it was an almost calamity with a dozen people competing over 4 spaces.
Asking woman thought she was just asking a woman if she could sit.
Do you follow sofa?

MTSgroupie Thu 04-Apr-13 13:02:59

gabs You was drinking coffee on your own. It was not unreasonable for the woman to assume that by the time her friendsd turned up you might have left or another set of sofas might have opened up.

It's a bit silly to expect this woman to stand there with her stuff until a table big enough to accommodate them all opened up.

As for being 'traumatised' stop being a drama queen. You said the sofa was not free. She went elsewhere. Where is the trauma? Or do you find women with toddlers intimidating? smile

gabsid Thu 04-Apr-13 13:29:08

Thanks for explaining the space issue again!

And, it can't have looked as if I was leaving because I had just sat down myself and my cup was full and steaming. And, yes, she was breastfeeding, but maybe she just wanted to sit down for a bit to do exactly that?

But then, the whole scenario happened within 5 minutes ... how much feeding can you get done in 5 min .... I can't believe I am still discussing that ... smile

Grockle Thu 04-Apr-13 17:30:45

"Luckily it didn't come to that, but it might have."

This is my new favourite phrase.

MTSgroupie Thu 04-Apr-13 19:06:06

It gets better. You are pissed off that this woman with a baby that needed feeding asked to sit at an empty sofa that you was holding for someone who had yet to arrive. grin

quietlysuggests Thu 04-Apr-13 19:09:26

"That would have been so rude of them"
Ha ha ha

whethergirl Fri 05-Apr-13 00:44:18

Someone earlier in the thread explained the whole thing using arses and arse space. God that was funny. And actually a good explanation.

candyandyoga Fri 05-Apr-13 07:20:35

Leave the bastard.

candyandyoga Fri 05-Apr-13 07:21:07

Seriously though, find it hilarious you were stressed about that! Chill out!

gabsid Fri 05-Apr-13 08:29:00

Ok, so it was a non-event I stressed over. Maybe PMT.

But, I still believe it could have been very stressful if it had happened. smile

I will try and not come back to this silly (but funny) thread!

Ducklings45 Fri 05-Apr-13 08:48:46

YANBU! Would have annoyed me too!

everlong Fri 05-Apr-13 09:08:17

I doubt it would have even registered with my brain tbh.
Funny thread though.

Sunnywithshowers Fri 05-Apr-13 09:55:57

gabsid I'm wryly amused at the people arriving who haven't RTFT.


Lucyellensmum95 Fri 05-Apr-13 10:03:41

gabsiddddddddddddd - don't go!!!!!!

everlong Fri 05-Apr-13 10:08:14

Maybe the mother was tired and was just thinking about ' right now '
Sometimes it gets you like that.

TiggyD Fri 05-Apr-13 11:18:17

I suggest counselling. You wouldn't want a harrowing situation like the one you were nearly in to give you near traumatic stress disorder or something. I blame the Daily Mail.

everlong Fri 05-Apr-13 11:35:11


gabsid Fri 05-Apr-13 11:38:22

I think the joke is done now, but I nearly went to the same coffee shop again today with 3 friends, 2 small DC and 3 8 year olds - but I didn't.

Because friend 1 didn't have a car today, friend 2 had other plans with her DS and friend 3 must have gone on holiday. She didn't tell us about that which was slightly irritating.

So therefore, we decided to meet next week, but in order to avoid any near disasters I invited them to my house.

everlong Fri 05-Apr-13 11:53:39

For the best I reckon.

Gabsid, I may actually love you.

Lucyellensmum95 Fri 05-Apr-13 12:10:40

OMG Gasbid!!!! can you not see the pertinance and irony of your last post - i mean, can you imagine what would have happened if your plans had not been scuppered and you had arrived before your friends, there was two sofas free apart from a lone woman sat there who may or may not have been leaving or waiting for someone? You could have been the woman who asked if you could sit there - she may have let you sit there, but she might not have............. its really quite spooky and i think it WILL happen, at some point, you may have invited them to your house next week but it will happen, in the future, at some time...... please post about it when it does. You may or may not offend someone grin Its like some sort of worm hole thing

LeChatRouge Fri 05-Apr-13 12:16:49

Aha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

LeChatRouge Fri 05-Apr-13 12:17:24

Am literally crying. Best ever thread.

LeChatRouge Fri 05-Apr-13 12:19:24

I barely have brain room for the things that do happen, let alone all of the things that might happen.

gabsid you are fab.

MTSgroupie Fri 05-Apr-13 12:27:06

smile at Lucy. Set me thinking about the film Sliding Doors. In scenario 1 Gwyneth Paltrow misses her train. In scenario 2 she catches her train. The film does a what-if on both scenarios.

Imagine scenario 2 where the OP gets a text message at the cafe door which delays her long enough so that it is the other woman that is holding the sofas for her absent friends.

Lucyellensmum95 Fri 05-Apr-13 12:51:31

MTSgroupie - thats great film that is - and yes, i see the parallel universe I think tht is just the sort of scenario that gasbid is trying to avoid by having the coffee morning at home! I just hope she has enough seats! grin There are too many possibilities. I can't help but thinking that "what if" she had let the woman sit down last week? They might have been really nice women and she could have increased her circle of friends and been arranging to meet with THEM again this week, but then what about her old circle of friends, would they feel abandonned by this development.

Well, im just going to the town with DD I am going to avoid any coffee shops with sofas because i can't do decisions at the best of times and this thread had introduced the possibilities of "what ifs" on my coffee experiences.........

Lucyellensmum95 Fri 05-Apr-13 12:53:10

gasbid - i really (serriously) hope that you are enjoying this thread - it has cheered me up so so much. Please help us to keep it going xx Its such a classic thread but i woudlnt want to make anyone feel bad

I have read the OP repeatedly and still can't figure it out. I think my brain is breaking. Has it been rephrased elsewhere? confused

everlong Fri 05-Apr-13 13:01:23

pumpkin it's ok my brain didn't compute it either.
quietly very nicely broke it down for me yesterday at 12.09.

Kneedeepindaisies Fri 05-Apr-13 13:09:35

Why did I not discover this thread earlier instead of the one about slut vibes?

So funny!

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