I don't want to be bridezilla but...

(150 Posts)
milf90 Mon 01-Apr-13 18:20:35

Ok future sil got engaged 3 months before us, she was planning a July wedding for next year, but after we said we were planning for August next year, theirs got brought forward (I think this was more due to cost ten because of us, but it does work better fr our families anyway) to August this year (not quite booked yet. We sorted our venue out about a month ago and booked it, I have alwad wanted to get married at this venue and I was only a case of if we can afford it.

Sil asked us before we has booked, If she could book it because they had an offer on. We booked it, so she disnt go for it, which I'm really greatful for - but I have to say I was a bit put out she was considering it, given the only reason we wouldn't have gone for it would have been because we couldnt afford it

Anyway, I have had some annual leave so I have been super organized with arrangin things - we've booked the dj, photographer and chair cover hire. Sil rang dh and asked if she could have the numbers of all the people we have booked so she could use them too??? I have to say inwas a bit cheesed off, I had put a lot of effort into finding them, negotiating good deals and finding people who were use to the venue etc. my bridesmaid (who used to be a wedding planner) was even more annoyed than me and said this was out of order. I gave herthe websites for her to look at (didn't feel like I had much choice unleas I wanted to look like a bridezilla)

She then told oh she is having the same colour scheme as me?? This is what has upset me really, because the colour scheme I have chosen is very personal to me ad oh, so I don't feel like I can change it. I know these things aren't just 'mine' and she has every right to chose what she likes, but I just feel like we are going to look like we copied her, iv just go to hope that people won't remember sad also they have a lot more money than us, so I have already tried to make it really personal to us because we can't 'compete' with all the lavish things they can ad I don't want us to be compared if that makes sense?

My bridesmaid seems to think she is doing it on purpose and predicted all this would happen before it did. I thought she was being ott until it actually dis happen sad

I also made a group on Facebook to get addresses for save the date cards and ivitations and sil made a rather patronizing comment about we need to save money an she wasn't going to send them so we shouldn't etc. The only reason I was doing it was because I had thought of a cute idea that would only cost usnpostage

specialsubject Mon 01-Apr-13 18:21:28

...but you are bridezilla!!

why does someone else's wedding matter?

'you copied me' belongs in the playground.

soverylucky Mon 01-Apr-13 18:21:49

immitation is the most sincerest form of flattery....or something like that.

DeafLeopard Mon 01-Apr-13 18:25:18

Hate to say it but you do sound a wee bit bridezilla-ish.

Who cares about colour scheme really? And as for the suppliers - well she will have to do her own negotiation, they are not going to automatically give her the best deal.

dinkystinky Mon 01-Apr-13 18:25:19

Ignore your sils comments on FB' don't share any more ideas with her and bear in mind with only a few months left before her big day she may well find trouble finding caterers, photographers, florists etc.

I have been to loads of weddings, I can't remember the colour scheme of a single one of them tbh.

Her wedding will not detract from yours, yours is the day you marry the love of your life, how will her having the same coloured chairs make that less special for you?

YAB bridezilla.

Sparklyblue Mon 01-Apr-13 18:26:11

I would be annoyed about the colour scheme and would probably have to mention it to her.

FingersCrossedLegsNot Mon 01-Apr-13 18:27:16

Yanbu I would be furious with her!

Lottashakingoinon Mon 01-Apr-13 18:27:49

Sorry, you may not want to be a bridezilla but you have just written the handbook for it.

You seriously refused to give her the contact telephone numbers? If I were the businesses you were using and getting good deals from, I would be bloody cheesed off (if I knew!)

Oh, and your bridesmaid seems to be enjoying shit stirring. I should watch her if I were you.

Look, it's a wedding not a state occasion. Enjoy it, and look forward to married life. Forget what other people are doing!

LovesBeingWokenEveryNight Mon 01-Apr-13 18:29:14

Tell her fake stuff in future grin

Euphemia Mon 01-Apr-13 18:30:19

The wedding's about the couple; none of the guests will give a fig about your colour scheme, or favours, or style of chair tie-backs.

Enjoy planning the day you want, and prepare yourself for enjoying it, rather than for being offended by any little thing.

WafflyVersatile Mon 01-Apr-13 18:31:25

It does sound a teeny bit like she's miffed you arranged your wedding so close to her original date and is 'getting her own back' for your inconsiderateness or however she sees it.

I would also be a bit annoyed that I'd now look like I was copying her. However your wedding will be your wedding and if she is arranging her wedding to spite yours then I doubt she's a very happy person.

PurplePidjin Mon 01-Apr-13 18:31:31

She sounds lazy i would give her numbers for all the crap ones

No one will give a flying fuck about colours, nor will they have any idea who the bossy boots behind the camera is. The Top 40 will have changed dramatically in a year.

BarredfromhavingStella Mon 01-Apr-13 18:31:53

There is a whole year between her wedding & yours, people will not remember the colour scheme etc so really wouldn't worry about it.

Also, yes do what LovesBeingWoken suggested grin

CandidaDoyle Mon 01-Apr-13 18:32:02

Yep, you sound very bridezilla-ish.

Focus on organizing your own day, don't worry what others are doing. There's only many variations a wedding day can take, some similarity will crop along the way. It really doesn't matter.

WafflyVersatile Mon 01-Apr-13 18:32:44

This does sound a bit like a reversal of a thread on here before. hmm

milf90 Mon 01-Apr-13 18:32:44

I haven't refused, I gave her the name and website and I also gave her the search websites I used to find them. I also emailed our photographer to let him know she was interested...

Sianilaa Mon 01-Apr-13 18:33:46

Rookie mistake OP - never tell the real details to other brides for this reason! If she asks for anything else, make it up!

Although YABU about not handing over supplier details, don't see what the problem is there. She won't be ordering the exact same things as you unless you tell her what they are.

Cherriesarelovely Mon 01-Apr-13 18:34:00

Err no! Yanbu! I would be pissed off too. I had a really simple, cheap but fantastic civil partnership ceremony so I am not into lavish displays or anything like that but I would have been very annoyed if a close friend or family member had literally tried to copy the entire thing. One or two aspect of it, the odd contact is fine but the whole thing? Strange! It's one of those awkward things where moaning about it makes you sound childish but I don't think you are being childish at all.

chocoluvva Mon 01-Apr-13 18:34:16

It shouldn't matter to you what anyone else does for their wedding. Don't spoil your big day by being annoyed with someone else.

The guests will appreciate having a nice meal at a sensible time of day, spending the day with you and the other guests, seeing you being happy and looking amazing. They won't feel cheated or even notice similarities to your SIL's wedding.

roamingwest Mon 01-Apr-13 18:34:36

Yanbu - I got married a couple of years ago and parts of my wedding (eg a not v well known poem that was special to me and used as our blessing) have cropped up in the weddings of acquaintances who were at my wedding, not close friends btw they'd know better!

It's a special day and you want it to be unique to you. I totally get it. But I was a bridezilla too [embarrassed] nothing wrong with it!

roamingwest Mon 01-Apr-13 18:36:52

Ha ha blush!

Lottashakingoinon Mon 01-Apr-13 18:36:59

I haven't refused, I gave her the name and website and I also gave her the search websites I used to find them. I also emailed our photographer to let him know she was interested...

Then you did yourself an injustice earlier on grin. But I should still watch your bridesmaid!

And given that she is doing this in more than a hurry than she might have hoped, and at least part of the reason is to avoid too close a proximity to your wedding (set after her original choice of date) you could perhaps be a little more cahritable to and happy for her rather than curtain twitching at every move (again, this may not be the case but it's how you made it sound in your OP)


Pandemoniaa Mon 01-Apr-13 18:37:35

Sorry but YABU and bridezilla too. Has it ever occurred to you that the reason why a wedding venue is popular is because other weddings take place there? Unless you are so rich that you can buy an island or similarly exclusive venue then you've got to expect that other people (including family members) might be attracted to the same place themselves.

Also, I think this colour scheme thing is utterly bonkers. I can't remember a single colour scheme from the last few weddings I've attended let alone sat there thinking "Hmmmm....clearly Kate has copied Claire. How very dare she?". Just chill a little. Your wedding day should be special because it is yours. To get overly bothered about other people's wedding planning is the route to ruination of your own day.

TidyDancer Mon 01-Apr-13 18:38:11

I'm surprised so many people have said YABU.

I think future SIL is being weird about it. It's oneupsmanship isn't it? She doesn't sound like a very nice person.

Unfortunately, I don't know a way you can do anything about this without seeming like a giant bitch. I understand your feelings on the subject though.

ELR Mon 01-Apr-13 18:39:45

You are being a bridezilla with totally good reason. It is your most important day and you are entitled to be cheesed off and not share numbers ect if you don't want to. I bet all the people saying yabu are already married, and like others have said it is the your day you get to marry the love of your life so just enjoy it. Once you are married or even on the day it will all pale into insignificance.

It's like having a baby you kind of think nobody has ever done it quite like you before so are in a first time bubble before you know it it's old news and you wonder what all the fuss was about!

Fudgemallowdelight Mon 01-Apr-13 18:40:32

Have you already had kids? If not then if you get pregnant at the same time as her, make sure you tell her you are going to call the children Egbert and Pam, otherwise they will nick your names.

Lottashakingoinon Mon 01-Apr-13 18:40:34

By the way I have quite a bit of involvement in wedding peripheries, plus my own daughter is getting married so I am probably as steeped in this as the next woman, and you would be AMAZED at how often the same 'unique' 'special' 'personal' poems, songs, colour schemes crop up! No one else gives a shit cares!

Coconutty Mon 01-Apr-13 18:40:43

Yeah, sorry but you are a Bridezilla. You can't own a colour and if she choose it too it either means that it's nice, or it's trendy.

A couple of years ago, every wedding I went to was Burnt orange. Then a weird duck egg blue. God only knows what this year will be.

But no-one will care, they are there for you wedding, not to compare you.

Fudgemallowdelight Mon 01-Apr-13 18:41:23

She does sound a bit unimaginative to pick the same colours as you.

ENormaSnob Mon 01-Apr-13 18:42:26

I wouldn't worry because im pretty sure guests only give a shit about the food, drink and whether it's convenient to attend.

Sil is being a bit weird though, I loathe people that copy. It's so annoying.

Lottashakingoinon Mon 01-Apr-13 18:43:32

I bet all the people saying yabu are already married

Well yes I admit I am, but I would have thought that actually being married would give you the benefit of hindsight and so a more rounded perspective. At the very least I really don't see how/why being married should disqualify you from having an opinion on this.

I alsdo said that being married was the most important bit: go figure!

Iwearblack Mon 01-Apr-13 18:46:41

The only thing guests care /remember about weddings are
1) how much free booze was there
And if single:
2) what the available totty was like

Everything else (including bride's dress/flowers/ cake/ readings etc) makes v little impression!
But then I don't have the bride gene so maybe that's just me (or your SIL too- really can't be bothered to spend anytime sorting it)?

Tailtwister Mon 01-Apr-13 18:47:21

Well, I don't think YABU to be annoyed. A wedding is a huge deal, you only do it once (hopefully) and you sound as if you've put a huge amount of work into planning it, despite having to deal with budget constraints.

However, I have been to several weddings in the same venues, similar colour schemes, almost identical dresses etc and I can categorically say that despite those similarities they were all totally different! Each wedding I have been to is as individual as the couple themselves. I love weddings and the very best one I attended was probably the lowest budget. What made it special was a couple who obviously adored each other and all the family and friends who were over the moon for them.

Try not to get hung up on what your SIL is doing OP. Just get on and plan your day.

sue52 Mon 01-Apr-13 18:47:35

After my DD's wedding last summer one of her friends asked if DD would mind her using the same venue and caterers. DD was pleased and flattered that they enjoyed her food and venue and wanted to follow her lead. I really can't see what you're so annoyed about. Take it as a compliment.

ZenNudist Mon 01-Apr-13 18:49:55

At least you recognise your bridezilla tendencies! Another one who says relax! Perhaps change your bridesmaid dress colours. There are lots of colours that will look good. See this wedding as a good chance to trouble shoot your own. That's a really great opportunity!

People will Enjoy your wedding if you are generous with food & booze.

Don't worry about fripperies & favours. Even people like me who are interested in these things don't really care what they are or if you have them.

Make sure your cake is different to theirs. Preferably a really delicious one that people get to eat rather than having dessert.

In fact just stop planning your wedding. If you've booked band/dj/photos. You can sort your dress etc but just do all the other things after yr his wedding. That way you don't have to be bridezilla about it.

garlicbrunch Mon 01-Apr-13 18:51:28

Hang on, she changed her wedding date to avoid a clash with yours. And you're worrying about the colour scheme? You are so unreasonable!

garlicbrunch Mon 01-Apr-13 18:53:39

... actually, if this is upsetting you, it would be a lot more reasonable for you to change things about your own wedding. Nobody needs 17 months to plan a wedding, but they do need 5!

I bet all the people saying yabu are already married

Yes I am already married, and a friend of mine was getting married a month after me and used some of my ideas for her wedding but with her budget she did it all 50 times 'better' than I did. I couldn't have cared less, my day was about getting married to my husband not about colours and what we had for dinner and all the other stuff that actually doesn't matter, and now 13 years on I can barely remember anyway. The thing that has stayed with me is my dhs face when he saw me, it doesn't matter if a million other people get married in your exact dress with your exact menu and the same colours, nothing will take that away.

I still think YABU, you need to think about the marriage not the wedding, its not actually that important if someone has copied your ideas.

Bridgetbidet Mon 01-Apr-13 18:54:25

I think the worst thing here is that you booked your wedding for a month after hers anyway. I think that was an absolutely horrible thing for you and your DF to do. Talk about stealing someone's thunder. You must have known that it would mean lots of people wouldn't be able to go to both or buy presents for both. To be honest I think the fact she just moved hers forward and didn't say anything to you was remarkably restrained of her.

When 2 siblings got engaged around the same time I did we made sure that there was at least 6 months between all our weddings because otherwise one or both of us would have missed out on guests etc. Perhaps even leaving a couple of months would have been okay, but to book your wedding weeks later without even running it by her was an absolutely horrible thing to do.

Bearing that in mind I don't think you have any right to complain about anything do you? It's just tit for tat.

To be honest I think your SIL is giving you a rather deserved taste of your own medicine. You got engaged just after she did and planned your wedding for a few weeks later in an attempt to steal her thunder and now she's just doing the same back to you.

You deserve it. Suck it up.

glossyflower Mon 01-Apr-13 18:55:32

Maybe a little bridezilla but god it's your day and you feel she's taking it away from you by doing what she's done! So no you are not being unreasonable.
I would not give any details to her only a list of various numbers/sites etc so she can choose for herself.
As for the colour scheme, I'd be pissed off too but there's not much you can do about it.
Her wedding is first so you can pick out all the faults and shortcomings on her day and make sure it doesn't happen on your day!

SoupDragon Mon 01-Apr-13 18:56:22

she changed her wedding date to avoid a clash with yours

No, because July and August next year don't clash.

Toasttoppers Mon 01-Apr-13 18:56:48

I want to know what the colour is.

McNewPants2013 Mon 01-Apr-13 18:57:30

There is not really that many colours to choose from.

DoJo Mon 01-Apr-13 18:59:25

One of our friends has asked for all the details of the people we used for our wedding and I gave them all happily to help them out - really, how much difference can there be even if you use someone else? Things like chair covers are really only of interest to the couple getting married (and often not even to them) and I have never heard ANYONE comment on a colour scheme, accessories or periperal aspects to the wedding at all. Very few people even care about your readings (I didn't so we didn't have any - we know we love each other and that's all that really matters) or where you have the reception so long as they can find it easily. Most of the elements to a wedding are fairly generic, it's whether the couple look like they're having a good time, the speeches and the bar that people remember (or don't!) so I think you're probably just blowing it all out of proportion. Just try to relax and be glad that you have plenty of time to enjoy the anticipation of your big day.

SoupDragon Mon 01-Apr-13 19:00:19

But you are being bridezillaish TBH.

Hullygully Mon 01-Apr-13 19:00:55


Give her fake details and tell her the colour scheme is lilac and apricot with hints of citrus

glossyflower Mon 01-Apr-13 19:00:58

Ps as for not affording as much as her, my cousin married a month before me in a big formal hotel, massive reception room, proper dj with disco, casino and sweetie bar.
Mine was more intimate at a small informal country pub, luckily the weather was nice and we were able to use the village green with garden games spread out for the kids (and adults too!).
I know my wedding was enjoyed more than my cousins, and I'm not just saying that because it was my day but people have even told me so.

Nishky Mon 01-Apr-13 19:01:02

Yes please please tell us what this colour scheme that is so 'personal' to you is? I am fascinated.

McNewPants2013 Mon 01-Apr-13 19:01:28

I just hope your hen party isn't around the same time, i am surprised your SIL isn't peeved right off with you, because it seems like you are stealing her moment.

Lottashakingoinon Mon 01-Apr-13 19:02:52

No, because July and August next year don't clash.

C'mon Soup effectively they do...there's a world of difference btween a month apart and a year apart and even the OP said that the moving forward of SiL's date made it easier for the families (and yes there were money reasons too, although I am sure SiL would have preferred an extra year to save!).

The bottom line is that I really don't see that OP is the innocent put upon victim here. Bridget has put it beautifully clearly IMHO.

Pandemoniaa Mon 01-Apr-13 19:04:53

As for the colour scheme, I'd be pissed off too but there's not much you can do about it.

I truly don't understand how anyone can think that they "own" a colour scheme let alone assume that their choice of colour scheme rules it out for anyone else. It smacks of supreme self-importance, to be honest as well as a total lack of awareness since if everyone took this approach, the entire spectrum of colours would have been exhausted years ago.

BikeRunSki Mon 01-Apr-13 19:08:55

YAB a bit U

BiL and SiL got married on our first anniversary. She wore the same non-white coloured dress as me (hers was a Monsoon copy of my Amanda Wakeley). MiL made them exactly the same cake as she had made up, iced exactly the way I had designed it.

You know what - I don't care. it was different couple, different guests and a different party for a different marriage.

Although I think I might have been a bit shock angry sad at the same venue. At least our photos look different!

phantomnamechanger Mon 01-Apr-13 19:09:18

when my M&D got married, her sister actaully pinched their date - she was "allowed to" by family because the odler sister SHOULD be married off first hmm so M&D put their wedding back a month - then some people didnt come becasue they wouldnt travel to 2 weddings so close together

YANBU OP - she is a strange one wanting to copy and not wanting to do all the sorting and choosing herself!

Coconutty Mon 01-Apr-13 19:11:25

Also, how does she know your colour scheme?

SoupDragon Mon 01-Apr-13 19:22:03

The bottom line is that I really don't see that OP is the innocent put upon victim here.

Neither do I but nor do I think the future SIL is the type to bring her wedding forward to avoid a non-existent clash. Besides, the OP has been complaining about the SILs wedding choices since before she was engaged.

expatinscotland Mon 01-Apr-13 19:25:02

Here's a newsflash: other than the bride and groom and perhaps some immediate family members, NO ONE GIVES A FUCK THAT YOU ARE GETTING MARRIED.

YABU and Bridezilla.

Crack on with it and be done with it.

maras2 Mon 01-Apr-13 19:31:35

I don't like your user name.Especially as your soon to be husband is a teacher.Oh, and you are being very unreasonable.

Bridgetbidet Mon 01-Apr-13 19:33:30

SoupDragon, having a few weeks between weddings IS a clash. People have to take time off and travel to the wedding and often go to a great deal of expense to attend one. New outfits, presents etc. If the dates are only weeks apart that is a clash. People won't be able to take the time off to travel twice, they'll cut back on what they spend on the wedding and won't be able to spring for a new outfit twice.

It wouldn't have mattered to the OP that much. HER guests would only have been invited to one wedding and it wouldn't have made much difference. However the groom and the SILs guests are the ones who might have decided that they couldn't attend both or would only give small presents. OP managed to inflict a pretty big blow against her SILs wedding by potentially nicking half her guests before she'd even starting planning properly.

To be honest I really think it's a bit ridiculous to suggest it was for other reasons. It would be horrible to have your thunder stolen like that. It would feel horrible to have that done to you.

To be honest I have to admit that I'm rather loving the SiLs work. She's obviously having a fantastic time getting her own back. And good for her. The OP has no right to complain about her thunder being stolen when she was the one who started the whole game playing.

Lottashakingoinon Mon 01-Apr-13 19:34:36

In fact I think you and I pretty much on the same page Soup but I have just re-read and realised that the SiL did not book the venue even though they had a special offer on, precisely because OP wanted it, but OP was upset because she even considered it. If that isn't Bridezilla then I don't know what.
(And I will just whisper again that the clash was not non-existent and that it was entirely the OP's doing but I know this is where we will have to agree to differ...)

Bridgetbidet Mon 01-Apr-13 19:36:53

And as the OP says, bringing the wedding forward 'does work better fr our families'. Reading between the lines it would have caused problems for their families otherwise. And those problems would purely have arisen because the OP went for August knowing full well it would cause problems.

GoLadyEdith Mon 01-Apr-13 19:40:37

So...your future sil will be getting married a whole year before you. Frankly even if you stick with your colour scheme, your choice of seat covers (?) etc etc NOBODY WILL REMEMBER (and if they do they won't CARE) that there were similarities between the two ceremonies.

<still thankful as f* after 20+ years that dh and I got married in the local registry office at short notice with close family the only guests>.

milf90 Mon 01-Apr-13 19:46:13

Thank you for all your replies

Just to clarify a few things:

I gave her the details of the people/company she wanted amd I also gave her some websites I found useful

She did not book her wedding for July, she was thinking of doing it round this time but then started looking at earlier because ofthe good deals that are around because it's short notice and 2013. I'm not sure if us going for August has anything to do with it. As some of you seen I asked if inwas bu before for chosog a date close to sil's and the majority said no. We are constained to school holidays due to oh's occupation and our honey is in August (gift from my parents and it is a set week) we also want to have another baby and don't want the age gap to be too big (we are bein bugged already) so we didn't want to put it off another year, plus we also want to save for a bigger house after wedding etc.

The colour is nothing special, but my idea and the reason behind it is and it won't really work woth another colour. I'm quite embarrassed now so don't really want to share and have it torn to shreads!

As for my username: it was a joke between me and oh when i frst got pregnant and iv just kept it for all baby related forums. Lighten up a bit ;)

I just want our day to be special and enjoyed by all

milf90 Mon 01-Apr-13 19:48:08

Dammit honey moon! Sorry for typos sad

mumofweeboys Mon 01-Apr-13 19:52:09


Id be glad she mived the wedding forward and didnt book the same venue.

I would be fuming about the colour scheme - some people have no imagination if their own.

I wouldnt be bothered about her using the same dj ect as good trial run for your wedding - she sounds a bit insecure to me and seems to value your choices or she could be a bit lazy.

At least there is a whole year between the weddings so dont think it will matter by the time it comes to yours.

Still18atheart Mon 01-Apr-13 19:52:27

Ok so you do sound a bridezilla but i would be too. YANBU

glossyflower Mon 01-Apr-13 19:54:51

milf don't worry about what some mners on here say. Some people just go straight for the offensive just because they can.

AnnaRack Mon 01-Apr-13 19:56:18

Will any of this matter in a year's time? 5years? 10 years? Till death us do part etc.

maras2 Mon 01-Apr-13 19:56:26

Lightened up a bit,still not funny.

Bridgetbidet Mon 01-Apr-13 20:03:45

I still think YWBU picking a date at that time when you knew your sister in law was intending to book around then. People on here may have told you that you WBR but they're not the ones who's wedding you were trying to upstage. And to be quite honest you shouldn't have been asking on here, you should have asked your SIL if she minded.

You really didn't leave your SIL with much choice but to move the date. All of the reasons you've given - none of them meant that you unavoidably had to have that date. I'm sure your SIL could probably give a similar list of reasons why your chosing of that date has inconvenienced her and doesn't fit in with what she would ideally want to do.

To be honest when you went and picked that date you lost the moral high ground which would have allowed you to complain if she trod on your toes re colour schemes, save the date cards etc, etc, etc.

Incidentally I think the wisest thing for you to do is keep your gob shut and smile and grit your teeth because hopefully you're going to have the same in laws for the rest of your life and I seriously doubt whether you have covered yourself in glory already. After the whole date incident if you start causing a fuss about them using the same photographer or catering company you are going to make yourself a) look like a right bitch, b) look like a total hypocrite because you've already trodden on her toes far more. And she sounds like she's perfectly capable of starting even more of a war about this if you push her.

I'm sure your in laws are being too polite to say so, but I really suspect that the whole engagement a few months after her then booking your wedding around the same time has raised more than a few eyebrows.

Lastly - when you look back on your own wedding you probably won't care if your SIL had similar coloured bridesmaids dresses a year before or had the same canapes. You WILL care if your whole wedding was tainted by bad feeling within the families and that will also set the tone for your relationship with the in laws in years to come. Any bad feeling created won't be worth it for the sake of the shade of a few flowers and the typeface on your save the date cards.

Believe me. It's really not worth it.

TheTiger Mon 01-Apr-13 20:04:18

I think she is being very unimaginitive and basically copying you. You must have planned a lovely wedding for her to want the same! smile

You need to think of small personal touches that will make your wedding stand out and people will remember. For example little baskets of toiletries,etc in the bathrooms with a note saying that they are from you for your guests. Sweetie buffets make a big impression on people and don't have to be expensive.. I think mine cost £100 for everything (used mine, my mum's and sisters' vases etc. and bought sweets from cash & carry). People raved over it and still mention it to me now. You can get the hotel to set it up at night as a surprise.

We also had a 'tree' of wedding photos of all our married guests which no one knew about, so everyone was looking for their photo - some funny 80's ones!

Dont tell her any more of your plans, and remember: only your in-laws will be at both weddings. No one else will know what is the same. And once her wedding is over, everyone will be looking forward to yours!

milf90 Mon 01-Apr-13 20:17:37

Maras2 I wasn't trying to make u laugh, I said it was a joke between oh and I ;)

I wasn't trying to upstage sil at all. We couldnt have afforded to donit any sooner and we cant afford weekend prices. We possibly
Could of afforded for Easter but would have had the same situation and Xmas hols would have been expensive or the venue is closed.

milf90 Mon 01-Apr-13 20:18:46

Thank you tiger, those are lovely ideas! Inwas thinking something similar with the sweetie budfet and love the tree idea smile

oscarwilde Mon 01-Apr-13 20:24:10

Yabu and yanbu grin Your SIL is either being a cow or more likely she is stressed (having brought her wedding forward by a year), lacking in imagination (and likes your taste) or doesn't really care (hasn't planned this since she was 3ft tall). I can understand why you are irritated and annoyed but speaking as someone who arranged a wedding in a hurry and wasn't too fussed about all the usual fripperies, it really wouldn't have occurred to me that I would be causing offense to have similar colours or ask for recommendations. It's an awful lot of money to get it wrong.
Unless your SIL is doing really horrid stuff and engaging in blatant oneupmanship I would simply ignore. Your wedding is a year away, you can simply say you haven't thought about it yet, feed her misleading information or share your shortlist of suppliers and leave her to leave her to choose the final one?
Or you could offer to help? Might be handy experience grin

aldiwhore Mon 01-Apr-13 20:24:48

All this shit would be avoided if people didn't tell anyone about their plans.

To bride everywhere, including close family and friends: I hope you have a lovely LOVELY wedding, I wish you well, I don't want to know a single solitary thing about it apart from where I have to be at what time.

Don't tell anyone. Let them see your amazing day through eyes that haven't been sabotaged by the ears, who in turn haven't been bored to tears by the bride and her obsession with different shades of peach.

Say nothing. Because if you don't, quite naturally, anyone else you know who's getting married might, completely understandably think "Oh never thought of that, what a great idea" and then you will be turned into Bridezilla despite your best intentions.

You don't have to make it some massive secret, you just respond with "hmmm, I've narrowed it down to a million options".

YABU (but no different than any other Bridezilla on AIBU, and certainly not the worst) x

ChairmanWow Mon 01-Apr-13 20:32:06

Not sure I can remember the colour scheme from my own wedding, let alone anyone else's.

Tell her it's tartan, that you're wearing only a pair of diamanté nipple tassels and a vajazzle and that you'll be walking down the aisle to 'Bad romance' by Lady Gaga. Then we'll see if it's a case of Single, White Female or pure laziness.

Bridgetbidet Mon 01-Apr-13 20:35:33

Seriously? You've been together long enough to have a child who is old enough to put pressure on you for a brother or sister but you've never got engaged and suddenly you do straight after your sister in law. And there is absolutely no date that you could possibly get married except a couple of weeks after she is? And you didn't even have the courtesy to ask her if she minded? Okay, I will give you the benefit of the doubt. But to be honest if I was your SIL or MIL it would be almost impossible to do that. And if you then started kicking up a fuss about 'copying' when you were the one who got engaged just after her then booked your wedding a few weeks after hers..... put it this way, I wouldn't be surprised if there was a little dolly somewhere with pins stuck in it who looked a bit like you.

milf90 Mon 01-Apr-13 21:12:36

I didn't really get a say about when we got engaged....and oh was planning on doing it when he did months before bil proposed

ajandjjmum Mon 01-Apr-13 21:14:50

I'd be hacked off if she was copying the colour scheme - I think I would have to implement LovesBeing Woken's idea! grin

ThreadWorms Mon 01-Apr-13 22:14:56

I'm on the fence with this one.

I had a friend completely fall out with me for considering the venue she had wanted but had not yet booked and had no idea of when she would get married (except that it would be within the next two years). The venue is the most popular in our area but u backed down and booked somewhere else. She still fell out with me.

However, my SIL is extremely competitive and told me at my wedding that she was planning to outdo me (she was drunk and also said some other vile things to me). She rushed out and booked her wedding for DH's birthday, and changed her intended colour scheme to the sane as I had and is basically trying to 'copy' and 'go one better' on everything I did - centrepieces, personal touches, everything. I handmade everything for our wedding and whilst I wish I could say it doesn't bother me at all, it does piss me off a bit but only because my SIL has form for this and I know it's an attempt to get at me.

So overall, I think YANBU, if there are a million colour schemes out there, then why does she have to have the same one? And I think it would grate me too if my SIL wanted to piggy back off my hard work and research.

FreshLeticia Mon 01-Apr-13 23:27:14

Sorry, but WTF is chair cover hire ? Who on earth needs that?

cherrypez Mon 01-Apr-13 23:42:20

I'm just totally perplexed at why on earth her OH being a teacher makes her username offensive?! Really don't get that...care to explain, maras?

ComposHat Mon 01-Apr-13 23:57:34

The wedding's about the couple; none of the guests will give a fig about your colour scheme, or favours, or style of chair tie-backs.


OP I have been to a LOT of weddings and they all blend into one homogeneous mass. They are all basically the same - selected from the same limited repertoire, the same readings, the same hymns the same generic meal in near identical venues.

Even if your sister in law hadn't 'copied you' odds are you'd have ended up with the same sort of wedding, as the wedding industry seems set up to fleece people of their money so their 'special day' is just like everyone else's.

Look on the positive side - use it as an opportunity to be original, fuck colour schemes, favours and chair covers and gove your guests something a bit different from the norm.

CandyCrushed Tue 02-Apr-13 00:08:56

Sorry but another YABU.

No one cares about wedding colours except the BrideZilla . I haven't even met a groom that cares about the colour scheme.

sayithowitis Tue 02-Apr-13 00:25:28

I really don't understand all this angst over who gets married where, with what colour schemes, what date etc.

when I was a child, my Dad's sisters all got married within 6 months of each other. All five of them. All at same church, all receptions held at same venue. Probably all same menu, same band etc. Whilst they all had different colours for bridesmaids, the styles of the dresses were all the same and, as all photos are black and white, look exactly the same. But, nobody cared. Everyone enjoyed the weddings ( including us children) and had a great time. The only thing that caused any sadness was after the last wedding when everybody realised that the next family member to get married would probably be me or my sister and, given that I was under 10 at the time, that would be a long way into the future.

Nobody owns copyright on colour schemes, wedding venues etc. Just get over it.

AngryGnome Tue 02-Apr-13 06:27:25

I don't understand why it is a problem that she wants to use the same dj and photographer etc. The first thing I did when I got married was ask other people who they would recommend, and a few of us have used the same dj as a few friends - surely this is normal? Or are photographers/dj/florists single use only?

ChantandbeHappy Tue 02-Apr-13 07:44:59

Two of my friends and I got married over the space of about 2 months. It was just a coincidence, and when we each discovered that we had similar dates in mind negotiated a bit so that everyone was happy.

Two of us had beach ceremonies. One of the brides, who got married before me, had similar decorations. We hadn't talked about what decorations we were having, so it was just another coincidence.

As we are all in the same group of friends, there were a lot of the same guests at each of the weddings. Despite similarities, they were all different because we all have such different personalities. Each wedding had it's own vibe.

Oh, and we all shared a hen night, as we thought it was too much to ask our friends to attend individual hens as well as the weddings.

Then, a few months later another friend asked if he could use the reading I had at my wedding for his wedding.

My point is, although the similarities might seem like a big deal now, they really aren't. Just enjoy planning your day and don't worry about what your SIL is doing. Honestly, no one other than you is going to notice colour schemes smile.

kungfupannda Tue 02-Apr-13 08:13:26

I think YABU.

You booked your wedding extremely close to your SIL's proposed date, which must have been a major factor in her bringing hers forward.

You then got annoyed about giving her contact details for chair hire cover for goodness sake - no-one will ever in a million years notice if their bums are on the same type of chair cover at two weddings which are now presumably months apart. You also say that you found people who are used to the venue - so there's a reasonable chance she would have finished up with some of the same people anyway.

The colour scheme is perhaps slightly irritating, but again, no-one will notice! I've been to lots of weddings and I don't think I can remember a single colour scheme, and I don't remembering noticing the colours (beyond the dresses obviously) at the time, either.

Just do what you want to do for your wedding and never mind what anyone else is doing. I've probably been to around 20 - 30 weddings in my life. I only remember specific details of a handful - and even for those, it is just odd details I remember - the rest just fades into a general blur of cream and white and complicated seating plans. I remember most of one brilliant, low-key, off-the-wall Scottish wedding. I remember the really odd music that one bride walked down the aisle to. I remember the massive micro-management of one wedding where DP was the best man - and the spectacular almost-falling-out cleavage of one wedding guest. I remember the aunt of one bride who was clearly rather overwhelmed about the groom's family's wealth and went all Hyacinth Bucket about the whole thing. I remember the hideous bridesmaid dress I wore for one wedding. I remember one of my best friends coming down an amazing staircase for her wedding. I remember the father's speech at one wedding about the bride's swiming certificates and gymnastic talent.

That's about it - no colour schemes, not much about the venues, not the ceremonies - just random details and funny things. Your wedding is most important to you - other people care about you having a nice day, but they won't remember much about it in a few days time.

sassytheFIRST Tue 02-Apr-13 08:27:04

I really would like all brides to hear this message loud and clear:

Its true, yknow.wink

Fraggle3112 Tue 02-Apr-13 08:55:05

As a former bridezilla myself I think YprobablyABU but who cares its your wedding, your putting in all the effort into making your day how you want and she is copying!! ( yes that is childish but it's also true! Haha) I would go to the wedding be all smiles then subtlety mention to any mutual guest that SIL was short on time, poor lamb, so you kindly helped by sharing your suppliers! Just be discreet, I would probably chuck I'm the odd 'yes it's the same florist but my flowers are very different, I don't really like ott displays' but then my work colleges act made me a bridezilla sash so maybe I'm not the one to listen to! Haha

Moominsarehippos Tue 02-Apr-13 09:01:07

No-one would copy a wedding (their big day) out of spite. Maybe she thibks you'r ideas are good?

If she does book the same supplier/s mayube you can wangle some sort of 'finders fee' from the supplier.

Moominsarehippos Tue 02-Apr-13 09:02:38

Is she pregnant? Is that why the rush and lack of decision-making?

sweetiepie1979 Tue 02-Apr-13 09:13:22

Get over yourself! Think about the real reasons for marriage, a colour scheme? Come on.....

Crocodilio Tue 02-Apr-13 09:22:27

Is a 'sweetie' buffet this year's chocolate fountain?

OP, if your wedding is after your SILs, can't you choose stuff after her wedding so that you know yours will be different? Where's the problem?

I love weddings, but IMO those that focus on colour schemes and chair covers are generally the least fun. Think about atmosphere, rollicking good fun, FUN!

MisForMumNotMaid Tue 02-Apr-13 09:29:15

Turn this on its head and negotiate a fee with all your suppliers for referrals.

The last laugh would definitely be for her to pay for your honeymoon through the flattery of imitation.

DreamingofSummer Tue 02-Apr-13 11:13:35

No-one going to a wedding gives two figs for, or even notices, the colour scheme. No wedding is unique - except for Cana and that had a star guest

Get a grip - enjoy your wedding, forget about hers

Pandemoniaa Tue 02-Apr-13 11:33:42

I would go to the wedding be all smiles then subtlety mention to any mutual guest that SIL was short on time, poor lamb, so you kindly helped by sharing your suppliers!

Dear God. Is there no end to the Wedding Madness?

Spuderoonerism Tue 02-Apr-13 11:50:34

I just want our day to be special and enjoyed by all

Are you providing booze and food? If so then most people will enjoy it roughly as much as they enjoy all the other weddings they go to - i.e. it will depend on how much they like weddings and what the people they are sitting with are like.

Really and truly no-one else gives a flying fuck about colour schemes, invitation styles etc. No-one remembers them years down the line (I'm not even sure I can remember our colour scheme now after almost 16 years) so it's really not worth the hassle now. Relax, enjoy the fun aspects of planning a wedding and just ignore your SIL.

cjel Tue 02-Apr-13 12:10:02

YABU. Whether or not you had a say in engagement it happened just after hers. The honeymoon doesn't have to be straight after the wedding. To have two close family members wedding a month apart is really bad expense and time wise for joint guests. I think if you bothered to stop being so bridezilla you would see that they may have brought the wedding forward a year especially to make yours seem more special, she deliberately didn't book 'your' venue and as for colour if it is special to you it will still be special to you won't it?

EldritchCleavage Tue 02-Apr-13 12:13:33

YABU about everything (especially given your date behaviour) except perhaps the colour scheme. Tell her the wrong one, or just change yours. Otherwise, the weddings and pictures will look very samey.

I have to say though, all the 'special touches' people seem to need to have now, including lots mentioned on this thread, I think are completely unnecessary. It's all a bit teenaged and completely superfluous to having a good time or a memorable wedding. All you need for that is: nice outfits, lovely food and drink (and lots of it), good music and a friendly welcome.

In other words, don't sweat the small stuff, especially as you aren't exactly on the moral high ground.

Alternatively, get the two grooms to have a sensible adult meeting without the brides and thrash it all out.

LittleBearPad Tue 02-Apr-13 12:14:05

No one will care about who the photographer is or the DJ (as long as they are good). Colour schemes a bit more annoying but not something to get too upset by. You and your DH will make your day - not a bloody colour scheme. Going forward though just don't go on about what you've chosen or decide after her wedding. You have loads of time.

ComposHat Tue 02-Apr-13 12:16:06

was the fad for pale blue as a theme around 2007ish? I seem to recall wearing an Usher's Willy Wonka costume with a pale blue waistcoat around about that time.

Can we start a sweepstake on the theme? My guess is that theop is going for white and black or purple and hot pink. Dress with a sweetheart neckline.

specialsubject Tue 02-Apr-13 12:21:39

"Really and truly no-one else gives a flying fuck about colour schemes, invitation styles etc. "

listen to these wise words!

5Foot5 Tue 02-Apr-13 13:23:55

"I know these things aren't just 'mine' and she has every right to chose what she likes, but I just feel like we are going to look like we copied her, *iv just go to hope that people won't remember*"

They won't. Trust me.

garlicbrunch Tue 02-Apr-13 14:28:03

Well, somebody must remember ... any future bridezillas in attendance, who spend their quiet moments planning their eventual wedding and taking notes of the ones they attend hmm

I just picked a 'season' colour scheme (autumn, since you ask). Was v cheap easy and looked nice.

CocacolaMum Tue 02-Apr-13 14:31:09

It will be purple.. everybody has bloody purple..

Pandemoniaa Tue 02-Apr-13 14:32:22

It will be purple.. everybody has bloody purple..

Made worse by being described as "Cadbury Purple" usually.

garlicbrunch Tue 02-Apr-13 14:33:11

Do they? In my 'wedding years' everybody had bloody teal grin

garlicbrunch Tue 02-Apr-13 14:34:04

"Cadbury Purple" ... Oh, I could go for a chocolate wedding grin

LittleBearPad Tue 02-Apr-13 14:36:27

I agree it does seem that purple is this year's colour. Hadn't thought of the Cadbury link though.

Bakingnovice Tue 02-Apr-13 14:50:55

To be honest I can see why you are upset. But you do across as a total bridezilla.

Toasttoppers Tue 02-Apr-13 16:02:37

I went to a wedding with Cadbury purple as the theme last year. The Bridesmaids looked like bars of dairy milk.

OP I have attended 30 weddings, ones that stick in my mind are

A colleague, her fiancée was a complete asshole and everyone hated him

DH cousin, the wedding was cut off by a flood

A wedding in Melton Mowbray, I made a joke to DH about giant pork pies, they had them

Being the only person at a wedding that wore a hat out of 200 people. No one told me that Americans don't wear hats to formal weddings. Bloody thing had flown a couple of thousand miles.

That's it the rest are a bit of a blur of Strapless gowns, Owl and Pussycat themed tables and DH raging when people ask for cash.

ENormaSnob Tue 02-Apr-13 16:17:49

Actually op, just remembered your wedding is on a weekday.

I really wouldn't worry about colour schemes etc as a lot of your guests may be bubbling with resentment at losing a days leave and thinking of leaving early anyway.

ThreadWorms Tue 02-Apr-13 18:09:01

Cadbury purple has been the most popular colour for a while I think but navy blue seems quite 'in' at the moment too.

Vintage is massive at the moment so pastel colours or ivory and champagne or gold with a shit load of lace.

Have we guessed right op?

milf90 Tue 02-Apr-13 19:13:37

Nobody has guessed right so far

racmun Tue 02-Apr-13 19:30:14

Seriously a colour scheme? I couldn't remember the colour scheme of a single wedding I've been to and I doubt your guests could either.

Nor who the dj was, what the flowers looked like etc etc

All the weddings I've been to all seem to be pretty much carbon copies of each other despite each bride painstakingly planning every last detail. Unless you are doing something really different then I think you are worrying about nothing.

Just enjoy your day and stop worrying if their budget is more

Floggingmolly Tue 02-Apr-13 20:07:26

You sound mad, tbh. The colour is personal to you... You can't copyright a colour, you know, and the guests seriously won't give a toss what colour your "scheme" is.

ThreadWorms Tue 02-Apr-13 20:40:59

I know that the general consensus is that colours 'schemes' and 'themes' don't matter, but I really enjoyed planning my wedding and finding things that 'matched' my theme. Not that I ever lost sight of what the day was about but the planning was all part if the build up and excitement of getting married. I didn't do it to impress anyone, it was for myself and because I enjoyed doing it.

So I can understand why the op feels a bit protective if 'her' colour scheme, especially if it's quite unique. I think she has acknowledged that she doesn't own the colour scheme but still, I think the SIL could choose something a bit different.

greenfolder Tue 02-Apr-13 20:46:51

you have a year, a whole year between the weddings unless i have misunderstood.

she has not booked the same venue, she has shifted the date to one that works better all round.

no one will remember her colour scheme or yours 5 mins after.

is it claret and blue? are there bubbles?

Floggingmolly Tue 02-Apr-13 21:04:13

Her colour scheme has a fairly miniscule chance of being " quite unique", Thread, to be fair. There's hardly an infinite choice, is there?

AngryGnome Tue 02-Apr-13 21:09:53

How does anyone know who your suppliers are? How will they know which suppliers your SIL will be using?

Unless they are troupes of wedding guests who enter churches, gasp aloud, clutch pearls and cry 'it's ANOTHER arrangement by Jones the Florist' before collapsing to the ground in a dead faint confused

DontSHOUTTTTTT Tue 02-Apr-13 21:16:10

Tiffany green and cream?


Gold and cream?

AngryGnome Tue 02-Apr-13 21:20:06

Gold and cream would be nice.

ThisIsMummyPig Tue 02-Apr-13 21:29:30

Hmm My SIL nicked my colour scheme (I gave her some stuff that was leftover) and she invited most of the same guests (what with being family and all).

My wedding was much better because it was mine, and I had booze flowing freely. She made people pay, so they were soberer and more miserable. She probably thinks her wedding was better because everyone was pissed at mine, while they were appreciating the event at hers.

When she did piss me off was when she nicked the name of my baby. If your SIL asks about that you do need to start lying.

BTW you are a bridezilla.

ThreadWorms Tue 02-Apr-13 21:30:02

True flogging, but I think I managed to pick a fairly unusual colour scheme myself. A few guests commented in it being quite unusual.

superstarheartbreaker Tue 02-Apr-13 21:40:10

YANBU op. Her behaviour is annoying...it's almost like she wants to steal your thunder. You won't let her though will you? If I were you i'd not disclose any more info and say yes you do mind her stealing your ideas. The comment on Facebook about saving money was catty. She sounds like a right PITA.

garlicballs Tue 02-Apr-13 21:54:23

Hmmm, which colour schemes would be "quite unique", one wonders?
Orange and lime - zingy!
Orange and purple - sunset!
Orange and blue/turquoise - sunrise!
Black & purple or Black & blue - shiner.
Black & brown - shadowy.
Black & yellow - waspy.

It's black & lime, isn't it?! Or black & orange <runs away>

tvmum1976 Tue 02-Apr-13 21:55:20

you are being ridiculous. Why shoudln't you give her the numbers of suppliers etc and save her the work? You chose to do the work anyway- to not pass on the benefits is pure selfishness and costs you nothing. And colour scheme? Really? Who cares? no one owns a colour and you are talking about a wedding a year later. Who will remember? And if they do, i would have htought that most reasonable people would think it was nice that you were doing something similar.

ThreadWorms Tue 02-Apr-13 22:05:49

grin at garlic.

No, none of those. It was grey and pink blossom theme. I believe it's quite popular in America but not here judging by how difficult it was to find grey bridesmaid dresses.

You're all going to tell me it that isn't unique at all now, aren't you?

ThreadWorms Tue 02-Apr-13 22:08:03

Tv mum - I would have no problem sharing supplier information with anyone and indeed I have. But I don't think my SIL deserves my help as she insists on being a cow to me.

Of course I don't know if the op's SIL is deserving of her help or not.

garlicballs Tue 02-Apr-13 22:08:33

Thread - that sounds very nice smile

The bridesmaids will be in naruto-style orange boiler suits and blue headbands. That's the unique to them colour scheme/theme.

garlicballs Tue 02-Apr-13 22:15:21

Arf, Arb grin

Floggingmolly Tue 02-Apr-13 22:23:10

Fair enough, Thread, that does sound pretty unique smile. Please God it's not the same as the op's

I've just had a quick google and no one else seems to have gone with bridesmaids dressed as naruto yet (there would be photos on the Internet). So that one is still available. It has the added advantage that it will absolutely make your bridesmaids look crap no matter what. What more could a bridezilla ask for?

garlicballs Tue 02-Apr-13 22:25:55

grin You googled it!!

Well it occurred to me that some people really like naruto so there might be themed weddings out there. I guess the naruto fans are mostly too young to be marrying and have come to their senses once they're old enough.

Although googling for anime themed weddings does validate the theory that no matter how 'unique' you think yours is, it just looks like a wedding to everyone else. for example

ApocalypseThen Tue 02-Apr-13 22:31:29

I just hope this SIL bee-yatch doesn't copy the white dre...

Have I let it slip?

EostreChaoticResurrEggtion Tue 02-Apr-13 22:32:11

Naruto with fake tan and they'd look like they'd been tangoed hmm

AmandaPayntedEgg Tue 02-Apr-13 22:34:04

The wedding are a year apart, yes?

Dear god in heaven. No one cares about 'those important personal touches' other than brides, and soon to be brides. People care about:

- being fed at regular intervals;
- plenty of alcohol;
- being seated near their friends/family;
- not being made to hang about for two hours in some freezing church yard/random hotel reception whilst the bride and groom have amazing wedding portraits taken.

I cannot remember one single DJ, photographer (except the bossy one who took fecking days), favour or buffet.

I do remember one fab wedding where they served red, white and rose though!

NigellaTufnel Tue 02-Apr-13 22:34:05

You are BVU!

Good God, I would hate to be your SIL. She sounds like a Saint.

How do you know she "stole" your colour scheme? She may have always liked it, it may go with her colouring, etc etc.

ThreadWorms Tue 02-Apr-13 23:06:10

Thank you garlic and flogging.

I felt it was a bit unusual,probably not in a never-been-done way but in a that's-a-little-bit-different way. So I was slightly narked when my SIL changed her colours from black and white to grey and pink after seeing my wedding.

I don't think there's anything wrong with brides trying to make their weddings a bit different from their friends and family's weddings, it's all part of the fun. Whether they are successful or not and their guests notice us beside the point, they want to feel like it was personal to them.

DontSHOUTTTTTT Wed 03-Apr-13 02:11:21

I bet noone would steal this colour scheme grin

nooka Wed 03-Apr-13 03:20:39

Boy this thread makes me feel a bit glad that my parents didn't let me organise my own wedding (although at the time I thought about eloping). Organising my children's birthday parties seemed bad enough!

I feel sorry for the soon to be SIL here, as moving her wedding forward must mean a lot more stress. Many venues get fully booked months in advance, so if she's not yet got everything fixed she must be feeling the pressure, and being able to use your research was probably a great relief. I have no idea why this would be out of order as it seems totally sensible to me.

2rebecca Wed 03-Apr-13 09:54:03

I can understand the upset about the colour scheme but as her wedding is first it will look as though you copied her. As your wedding isn't for over a year you should have kept the details quiet until after her wedding. It's like people who discuss babies names with friends and relatives then get upset when someone has a baby before them and uses that name. Don't overshare stuff. The colour scheme thing may be coincidence.
Maybe SIL was hoping you could have some bonding time planning weddings together, if you did do that then you could have persuaded her to have a different colour scheme as you would be friends not rivals.
I don't see why some people think having a wedding in August is the same as one in july, if you want kids to come to your wedding then July and August are popular months as families can take extra days off work for the travelling involved. If it's over a year away you have time to save up.
My weddings were both arranged withint 6 months of deciding to get married though as once I decide to do something I like to get on with it.

Pandemoniaa Wed 03-Apr-13 11:20:21

I can understand the upset about the colour scheme but as her wedding is first it will look as though you copied her

Yet more evidence that some weddings appear to exist on a parallel universe. Do people really sit through them happily passing judgemental comments about copying colour schemes? Especially when the weddings are 12 months apart.

GreenEggsAndNichts Wed 03-Apr-13 11:32:54

Have read a few pages. If the weddings are a year apart, seriously, no one will remember the colour schemes. Even if they were weeks apart, only the most fastidious wedding-obsessed beancounters would notice.

And I see someone upthread has said that those of us saying it doesn't matter are already married. Well, yes, perhaps (I am). But isn't that the point? We've lived through this. As soon as the day hits you realise just how little many of these points matter! Not a soul cares whether or not the bridesmaids shoes match, so when I tell someone it doesn't matter, I'm trying to save them the days of their lives they are spending fretting over them. (That's a random example to this thread but a real one, my best friend worried over that for a week!)

My advice: make your entertainment memorable. Pick unique music if it's a DJ. Use unusual flowers. Get decent food in if you're feeding people, and if it can be something other than chicken or salmon, then do that.

You've got a year between her wedding and yours. You'll be fine!

heirtotheironthrone Wed 03-Apr-13 11:51:19

I have BEEN a 'Cadbury Purple' bridesmaid...

I'm getting married this year, there is no colour scheme, no chair covers (!), no sweets, no favours. What there is is a lot of beer, and sausages for all, in the pub. Job done I think. I can't remember the colours for the two weddings I went to in February, let alone last year. DJs play different songs, photographers take different shots.

We moved our wedding back so as not to 'overshadow' my brother's giant formal church affair which is now 2 months before ours. He and his fiancee have never acknowledged this or said thanks, just got pissy because we are having an ice cream van and they want one too. There are no new ideas, forget about it and enjoy your day.

garlicballs Wed 03-Apr-13 12:13:44

"There are no new ideas, forget about it and enjoy your day."

Best comment so far smile Enjoy yours, Heirto!

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