AIBU to feel that couples who bicker in company are tedious.

(44 Posts)
lolaflores Mon 01-Apr-13 18:00:13

You know the ones; think they are cute bitching back and forward at each other. Tell people "it's just our way, we love each other really". Meanwhile, everyone else has to witness their endless power matches and one upmanship and anything like a normal conversation is impossible. Depending on how much drink is taken things get out of hand. I hate it

Don't mind me, had the in laws this weekend and this is how they operate. At one point I was stood between the two of them, trying to get an answer as to whether or not they wanted tea but became the net in a game of "what happened in that film last night"? "That wasn't it, you fool. Blah blha wha haaha dhghuien". they let me stand there with me gob swinging but they would not stop. So I fucking walked off for a fag instead. They were still at it when I got back in.

TEDIOUS. So why do some people think it is alright? Any answers for me

Pagwatch Mon 01-Apr-13 18:04:19

No answers except yes, it is fucking tedious.
I had a lovely friend who I spent loads of time with. Alone she was witty, engaging, interesting, a great bundle of generous spirited humour. The minute her DH arrived it was snip, spit,spite dig.

HoneyStepMummy Mon 01-Apr-13 18:04:53

YANBU. It is tedious. It's also rude, inconsiderate, and makes other people uncomfortable.
People do it because that's how they talk to each other at home too. Then they pretend they're "joking" and it's soooo funny and cute "ha ha ha!". But it's not.

DioneTheDiabolist Mon 01-Apr-13 18:06:48

YANBU, if couples insist on bickering in company they should at least make it entertaining.grin

hedgefund Mon 01-Apr-13 18:07:59

like john and mary from father ted?

muminthecity Mon 01-Apr-13 18:09:06

YANBU. This pisses me right off. I went out with my Dsis and her DP a few weeks ago, it was a night I'd been looking forward to for ages, booked tickets months before etc. They had a row and were both moody gits all night, sniping and bickering one minute, ignoring each other the next. Horrible atmosphere, ruined my night completely, I was so annoyed. Selfish bastards.

(To be fair this isn't normal behaviour for them, they usually get on well and can be a right laugh at times.)

YouTheCat Mon 01-Apr-13 18:09:38

Aw I like John and Mary and how they keep on with the whole 'trying to kill each other' thing.

But they don't do it infront of anyone else. People who do are incredibly bad-mannered. I don't care if they say it's just their way. They can bugger off and snipe behind closed doors.

Mrsrobertduvall Mon 01-Apr-13 18:10:28

PIL were like this all the time.
We stopped visiting eventually ( thank god)

Sianilaa Mon 01-Apr-13 18:11:22

My last relationship was like that - because actually we didn't like each other much at all! Took me a while to realise it though... So yes couples like this are tedious and ruin the atmosphere for others. But perhaps they're extremely unhappy?!

lolaflores Mon 01-Apr-13 18:13:28

Yes John and Mary....divine pair of fools.
THe in laws are the worst at it, and I have given up trying to distract them sufficiently to be able to conduct a conversation that is above the weapons grade venom that they slosh about in.

But they fucking go on about TEENY TINY things.... on and on. Next week we are supposed to be visiting friends of DH. They do this. I have had enough. I am witholding my company. THey behave so badly and in front of the kdis. She is downright outrageous to him and I squirm for him. I am glad i am not th eonly one who thinks it is bad mannered

lolaflores Mon 01-Apr-13 18:15:23

Sianilaa how can anyone even exist in that atmoshphere? For the PILS this is both their second marriages and they have been pissing and bitching at each other for 20 years +. She will slip me a sly wink as if to say "what fun" and I just cannot understand it.

YANBU, how anyone can live like this is beyond me.

DP and I went on holiday with a couple like this. When spending the odd day with them you don't really notice it, after 2 weeks in a villa in Florida with only 1 car it was excruciating! Snipe, snipe, snipe. At one point they didn't speak for 3 days, I've never plastered on so many smiles and made as much inane small talk in my life.

LadyBeaEGGleEyes Mon 01-Apr-13 18:18:52

I must admit I used to do this with my ex.
I don't even think we even realised we were doing it and it wasn't till we separated I saw how awful we were blush

YouTheCat Mon 01-Apr-13 18:19:05

I would have just told the pair of them to grow the fuck up.

anonymosity Mon 01-Apr-13 18:19:46

YANBU. Its awful. I know a couple with two delightful DDs who we just can't meet up with anymore because its so awkward and I am always embarrassed / pretending not to notice.

god knows what effect it has on the kids, too...

lolaflores Mon 01-Apr-13 18:20:00

I couldn't even drink?!?!? Sober I had to sit through it. We had two days of them though I got out of the trip to Kew Gardens. When they got back there was a long debate about which palace they went into and was there a kitchen there or was it the other it wasn't , yes it was ye fool.
Bang head on table. v

lolaflores Mon 01-Apr-13 18:21:05

You know what. I think my MIL does it as she has NOTHING WHATSOEVER IN THE WORLD to talk about, so she makes small fights up with FIL to cover the silence....

LadyBeaEGGleEyes Mon 01-Apr-13 18:21:05

Oh and I see now it was the sign of a marriage falling apart, but I just wasn't ready to admit it at the time.

Sianilaa Mon 01-Apr-13 18:21:08

My ex was an emotional abuser and I thought his constant put downs were normal/all I deserved, etc... Then he started doing it in public and other people were shocked and had words - he laughed it off as just banter. As I started to see clearly, I would bite back to stand up for myself/point out that he wasn't exactly perfect himself but in front of other people it was masked as jokey. it wasn't - the undercurrent was hurt and hate. It was awful and I cringe at the times we must have upset people I thought were friends but I felt utterly trapped with him. So that carried on for about 3 years. I shudder thinking back to that time. I understand that a relationship can be based on mutual love and respect and that you don't put someone down in front of others unless you have issues!

lolaflores Mon 01-Apr-13 18:21:54

LadyBeag were you provoked? Did your ex do it to entertain himself or was it just constant pissyness.

YouTheCat Mon 01-Apr-13 18:22:49

My ex used to do that when it was all going tits up and for a while after. I just used to ignore him. It made him look stupid not me.

lolaflores Mon 01-Apr-13 18:23:45

FIL is a cunt though, has to be said. He has started on me before but realised I was not his wife and did not have to put up with it. Wearing. Sianilaa, that is so sad and exhausting too. Well done you for getting rid though and out of it.

I've never encountered a couple like this. I kind of want to now so I can form an opinion.

lolaflores Mon 01-Apr-13 18:28:15

Kiss don't you will lose the will to live fairly soon and your arse will clench so very hard with embarrasment you may never use it again for anything useful. That or you have nerves of steel.
Boring is all that can be said of it.

TheArmadillo Mon 01-Apr-13 18:29:23

My parents did it constantly, often escalating into full on shouting. There was more shouting at home, more sniping in public.

I hated every fucking minute of it. It was mortifying. My relationship with my sister mirrored theirs, they couldn't understand why we fought all the time hmm we copied what we were taught.

They are still married and claim everything is fine, when they haven't been able to hold a civil conversation within my living memory.

lolaflores Mon 01-Apr-13 18:31:53

Armadillo you make a very good point. I have to be very firm with my DH as he has witnessed his dad's take on social graces (paticularly around women) so I have to pull him up from time to time. Having said that, he is a different person, charachter wise than his dad, who as I said is a cunt. But that kind of learned behaviour goes under the radar alot for some people

CandidaDoyle Mon 01-Apr-13 18:37:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lolaflores Mon 01-Apr-13 18:41:39

Would it be rude to point it out though? Considering the pair of twats I have to see next week (if I must)? Just like a version of "did you mean to be so rude to your partner who you swore to love honour cherish etc.?

Do you know, I was proud of the fact that exH and I never argued in public. TBH, we very rarely argued in private, either. I would try to provoke the occasional row but he just wouldn't join in. I was all smug about our near perfect relationship, he didn't communicate much, but I made up for it. blush Then he left me for OW.

I think had he we communicated our niggles a bit more, we might have sorted things out before it was too late.

oldraver Mon 01-Apr-13 18:49:53

Many years ago I had some friends like this. They were lovely but to be honest she was rather bossy with him and seemed to enjoy putting him down in front of people or just belittling him. Occasionally he would bite back and you would be sat there while they bickered. I used to be astonished as to how oblivious they were that they were arguing in front of people.

LaQueen Mon 01-Apr-13 18:51:14

Oh, it's grim sad

We were friends with a couple like this...every time we saw them it was constant, constant bickering and sniping and petty point scoring...possibly amusing/entertaining for the first 15 minutes? But, insanely annoying and dull, after 4.5 hours.

She would dredge up stuff that had happened 17 years earlier FFS hmm and was quite capable of switching on the waterworks when she felt she was losing ground - then he'd have to cuddle her, and then a quick nip outside to make up.

It was like being trapped in a restaurant with two 14 year olds.

We don't see them now.

YouTheCat Mon 01-Apr-13 19:00:08

I think if it's people you aren't that bothered about, a brief 'will you two grow up' makes you feel better and might nudge them into realising what utter twats they sound like.

I could so easily have 'bitten' when it came to the ex but knew it didn't matter. If those he put me down in front of thought it was true then fine, they weren't my friends. If he did it in front of mutual friends then they usually knew the score anyway and it just made him look like a massive dickhead.

DoJo Mon 01-Apr-13 20:27:04

Only marginally worse to my mind are couples who are into overt demonstrations of their love, which is just as cringeworthy, but if you say anything you look like a joyless, loveless harridan who's jealous of their love for one another and wants to stomp on everyone else's fun (when actually you just don't want to lose your lunch listening to them call each other 'bubsikins', whisper in each others ears before giggling and stroking each other 'surreptitiously' right in front of you.). Not that this has happened to me or anything...!

specialknickers Mon 01-Apr-13 20:42:41

Oh god, we are friends with a couple who do this... It's excruciating. Constant sniping and sulking. They're both lovely, fun people separately, but together they're a total bore.

Unfortunately for us, they are our best friends sad

IloveJudgeJudy Mon 01-Apr-13 21:18:39

Like Armadillo my parents are like this. It's absolutely rotten, growing up in a family where the adults are like this all the time. It's as if they have no idea about the best way to behave. My father is a complete asshole and when DM is with him, she completely changes into an obnoxious person, but only with him. She has never behaved like that with any of us.

If the people that you know who bicker in company have DC, please feel very sorry for them. They are hating absolutely every minute of it. Please also understand that it is not just when they are out that they are like this; the bickerers do not know any other way to relate to each other.

YANBU. They are tedious.

Fudgemallowdelight Mon 01-Apr-13 21:29:04

Gawd this reminds me of an ex who I split up with in the late 90s. I remember going for dinner at another couple's house and he kept putting me down and I tried to defend myself. It must have been so cringey and annoying for the other couple. It was one of the final nails in the coffin for the relationship. Thank goodness my husband isn't so insecure that he needs to do this. The guy moved in with someone else and had a baby with her after we split. HIs new partner actually phoned me to ask if i used to find that he kept putting me down. "Yes I did" I replied.

GirlWiththeLionHeart Mon 01-Apr-13 21:49:00

Yanbu at all!

I had a couple round earlier who do it, it's fucking awkward. They also say snippy things to eachother under their breath so others can't hear, horrible.

EggyFucker Mon 01-Apr-13 21:52:37

Yep, I agree

It's immature, unsociable and downright boring

Save it for when you get home, fgs and that equally applies the overly lovey-dovey stuff

Why do some people believe their petty little fuckeries are at all interesting to other people ? It's really very narcissistic, tbh

EggyFucker Mon 01-Apr-13 21:52:56

applies to

Trills Mon 01-Apr-13 21:53:58


It's not cute.

We don't care if you don't mind how you speak to each other, WE mind.

hwjm1945 Mon 01-Apr-13 21:55:38

Yes however even worse is when couples are all flirty with each other,have v good friend who is completely different with her husband..all giddy .bugging him up and flirty an d is v odd unnatural and off putting

LaQueen Mon 01-Apr-13 22:44:22

And, I'm equally bleurgh about overt displays of affection...which are generally accompanied by coy remarks about how in love they are, and how they can't keep their hands off each other ...and, clearly they think (hope) you're looking at them with thinly disguised envy... hmm

No. I'm not. I'm looking at you with thinly disguised distaste, actually.

TheOriginalSteamingNit Mon 01-Apr-13 22:49:11

Oh YES. One of them comments to you that it's night, and the other one says 'well darling, you always say its night, because your mother always claims its night, but actually it is day'. Etc.

MidnightMasquerader Mon 01-Apr-13 23:04:16

I don't know anyone like this fortunately, but I understand my best friend's sister and her DH are like this, from what she's told me.

Constant sniping and bickering and putting each other down. They also do that awful thing where they talk through the children - isn't Daddy an idiot not wrapping you up warmly enough, isn't Daddy stupid for forgetting X, Y, Z - which must be so damaging for the children...

Apparently he shouted so loud once during one of these exchanges that both his small daughters and his neice (my friend's daughter) all burst into tears.

God knows what family life must be like, if this is what they're like in company... sad

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