Suitable punishment for naughty 3 year old?

(99 Posts)
Sillyboys Mon 01-Apr-13 13:47:05

This is not so much an AIBU..it is an IHBU(is he being unreasonable)!DH has just returned from the park with the DSs .DS1 is 3.5 and came in in tears crying because he wanted his toy dinosaur.When I asked where it was he cried and said it was in the river.Then DH admitted he has thrown it in the river because DS1 had deliberately thrown a ball in the river that they were playing with.DS has been quite naughty recently(has a new baby brother) but I think DH has been a bit harsh.This dinosaur goes everywhere,even to bed,and I think DH has been mean.I don't agree that DS1 should get away with everything but I think confiscation would have been enough,not permanently throwing it away.AIBU?

I despair....

zwischenzug Mon 01-Apr-13 13:50:27

No. Throwing a 3 year olds treasured comfort toys into a river is a twatty thing to do.

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts Mon 01-Apr-13 13:51:23

shock Your poor ds!! Oh my goodness that's awful of your DH.

There seems a recurring theme of ridiculous punishments, frothing over reactions, etc on here at the moment.

ivehadaverybadday Mon 01-Apr-13 13:52:20

So is DH going to fish it out? If not I hope he's on bedtime duty tonight..

YouTheCat Mon 01-Apr-13 13:52:24

So your 3 year old did something naughty and so your (presumably grown up) dh did the same thing?

It's not teaching the poor kid anything at all.

Throw the dh in the river and solve many problems.

Op did you name change to post this thread?

McNewPants2013 Mon 01-Apr-13 13:53:13

Your DH is a knob, who throws away a child comfort item.

As he takes it to bed with him, it will be him doing the bedtime routine and calming him down tonight

drivingmisspotty Mon 01-Apr-13 13:53:59

Oh no! You don't ever mess with the comfort toy. I wouldn't even confiscate that. I would be so angry if that was my DH what a terrible thing to do. Send him back to the park and into the river to see if he can find it.

Asheth Mon 01-Apr-13 13:54:36

I'd throw DH in the river if he did something like that....

The rule in this house is that there are three things DH and I never mess with. All of which are DD's comfort things. Their removal isn't threatened, their confiscation isn't and they are never withheld. Because she is a little person with very little power and no possessions and these are her world.

I vote DH takes up diving pretty quickly. Or, you find an exact replacement and DH pretends he did.

magimedi Mon 01-Apr-13 13:57:46

I would be sending DH back to the park with swimming stuff & goggles & tell him not to come home until he has dinosaur. However the fuck long it takes & however cold said pond is. I am not joking. What a twat.

thegreylady Mon 01-Apr-13 13:57:47

YANBU if he is any sort of a decent father he'd be spending the afternoon fishing and swimming. The more I think about what he has done the more cruel and horrible it becomes.

Sirzy Mon 01-Apr-13 13:58:04

Completely over the top unfair punishment which doesn't actually teach your child anything other than its ok to throw things in the river.

Why didn't he just bring him home after he was naughty?

JeremyPiven Mon 01-Apr-13 13:58:19

That is very sad and sounds like your DH lost his temper.
No matter what my DS1 does, his bedtime comforter would never be taken from him. It would be like withdrawing a family member, some objects are not just toys to a 3yr old.

He should have brought him straight home- bad behaviour means no more playing, or removal of a toy for a period of time, or stopping another privilege. But what was done was very unkind, and actually I think it could make a child very unsettled.

Sirzy Mon 01-Apr-13 13:59:25

He is also lucky he isn't fishing his son out of the river, if anyone did that with my 3 year olds stuffed dinosaur he would have been straight in to find it.

FeckOffCup Mon 01-Apr-13 14:00:05

I would have gone absolutely ballistic at your DH if I was you, that is a really shitty thing to do to a 3 year old. I wouldn't have got the ball back that the child threw in, he would have lost that but to throw another toy in is crossing the line.

Lucyellensmum95 Mon 01-Apr-13 14:01:43

wow - there have been some really upsettin threads recently about overharsh punishments. There must be something in the air sad

You know he has upset your son and scored an own goal because now the only DECENT thing he can do is go and either a) jump in the river to retreive the toy or b) go and buy him a new one.

Fudgemallowdelight Mon 01-Apr-13 14:02:26

Your dh sounds like a twat.

kinkyfuckery Mon 01-Apr-13 14:02:54

How awful for your DS! That was a horrid thing to do, and your 'D'H should go do everything he can to get the toy back, fucking idiot.
And also, not let your kids play by the river!

Thumbwitch Mon 01-Apr-13 14:04:32

OMG what an idiot he is. Your poor DS1. sad

I hope you can actually get a replacement, as I doubt the original will be replaceable, but what a way to wreck his son's security. I'd be so angry, so very angry.

Thumbwitch Mon 01-Apr-13 14:05:09

...I doubt the original will be replaceable retrievable...

Badvoc Mon 01-Apr-13 14:05:16

Your dh is a twat.
He is an adult.
Your ds is a child.
See the difference?

Maryz Mon 01-Apr-13 14:06:19

This op should be

"suitable punishment for a fuckwit dad".

ffs. Really.

Maryz Mon 01-Apr-13 14:07:03

Hobnobs grin

KansasCityOctopus Mon 01-Apr-13 14:07:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sherazade Mon 01-Apr-13 14:07:36

whathobnobsaremyfve said.
There seems to be a recurring theme on mn at the moment.
What your dh did was cruel and unecessary, but I think you know that already.
On a side note, I hate don't agree with punishing a 3 yo old or calling them naughty, have seen being described as all sorts of things on mn- greedy, sneaky, selfish, liar, etc. Children may do things that are wrong but why all the labelling? I do understand that I am probably in the minority here and this is in no way meant as an attack on the op,just a reflection!

JambalayaCodfishPie Mon 01-Apr-13 14:07:38

Yet another bizarre punishment thread.

At least it shows us that the majority of MNers replying are actually reasonable, and sensible after all. Some of the recent threads have had me wondering!! wink

MintChocCh1p Mon 01-Apr-13 14:11:44

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Sillyboys Mon 01-Apr-13 14:11:59

I have name changed,yes,I feel quite upset about it.He has now gone back to the river actually.No arguments,as soon as he told me I think he knew.I just said obviously I didn't know what had happened but that the dinosaur was irreplaceable but a ball wasn't.We are all a bit tired with the new baby and he has been doing everything for the older two,which can be quite frustrating and I don't think he's used to it.We don't usually disagree over parenting stuff,but this time,honestly!Glad most people think it was too extreme,but I can't help questioning my own judgement over things like this.

Inseywinseyupthespout Mon 01-Apr-13 14:12:27

shock he threw the dinosaur in the river ?! Your child's comfort toy??

I know myself that 3yr olds are a complete PITA - mine has driven me to distraction this week ! But I would never be do cruel to throw away her comforter !

He needs to get that dino back pronto !

magimedi Mon 01-Apr-13 14:14:22

At least he realises he was wrong.

I really, really hope he finds the dinosaur.

Am hoping it's a small, slow flowing river.

Thumbwitch Mon 01-Apr-13 14:14:53

I hope it's a very shallow river then, that doesn't move much...

Cherriesarelovely Mon 01-Apr-13 14:15:11

How absolutely horrible. I hope you are suitably livid with your DH. That has made me feel extremely sad. Your poor DS wont learn anything from that other than to be horribly resentful of his dad.

Now I've done my fair share of OTT things before, but this has really shocked and upset me.

I hope he finds it.

Cherriesarelovely Mon 01-Apr-13 14:16:30

Sorry x post. Very glad he has gone back, hope he finds the dinosaur.

countrykitten Mon 01-Apr-13 14:17:41

Your poor son and stupid dh. It may have been a spur of the moment thing to do as he is tired and angry but it is also cruel and immature.

These horrible punishment threads are very upsetting right now - what is WRONG with people?

Agree that the heart warming thing is that most posters get annoyed/upset about such behaviour so maybe the majority of little children have well balanced, mature parents who are not cruel and thoughtless. I hope that this is the case. sad

SneezingwakestheJesus Mon 01-Apr-13 14:18:32

Some people are needlessly cruel and need to learn to control their anger.

sherazade Mon 01-Apr-13 14:19:14

I'm honestly starting to wonder whats going on. Small children being referred to with complete contempt by their parents who are furious with them hours later for silly things and execute ridiculous punishments.

LaCucina Mon 01-Apr-13 14:21:39

This is awful - I only just posted on the upsetting egg thread.

3 is tiny! He has gone through a massive life change and your dh couldn't cope with his needs so he unfairly and unreasonably upset him.

Your Dh needs some help to think through his unreasonable expectations and to understand how his behaviour could impact on your children.

DuttyWine Mon 01-Apr-13 14:22:32

How is your ds now? Hopefully your ds is too young to look back and remember this. I remember a few years ago my friend went out with another mutual friend who threw her dds new teddy into the road because she got fed up with her whining! It has always stuck in my head as a really irrational mean thing to do. She just snapped and acted on impulsive anger which I can understand some people do, I'm guessing this is a one off thing for your dh to have done? Hopefully his own guilt will be punishment enough for him.

WorraLiberty Mon 01-Apr-13 14:23:49

Your Husband is a bully

And I never use that word lightly

But I'm afraid that's exactly what he is.

countrykitten Mon 01-Apr-13 14:26:12

Yes - bully is the exact word to describe him.

usualsuspect Mon 01-Apr-13 14:27:52

I think your DH should take your DS shopping to find a replacement.

Badvoc Mon 01-Apr-13 14:29:12

Look, kids can drive you batty.
No arguments there.
But as adults we can control our actions and over reactions.
A 3 year old can't.
I hope he finds it.
sad

Sirzy Mon 01-Apr-13 14:31:19

Assuming the dinosaur is lost forever will you be able to buy a new one? Do you have a picture so we can help find the poor boy a replacement?

Pandemoniaa Mon 01-Apr-13 14:32:04

Massive over-reaction and a cruel one too. You never throw away a comfort toy. Ever. And especially not one that belongs to such a little boy.

I'm not condoning bad behaviour but your ds is already coping with the disruption of a new baby. At 3.5 that can take some adjustment. But since he's probably feeling fairly insecure at the moment (which will go some way to explain how he's behaving) the removal of a toy which gives him comfort is going to be absolutely counterproductive.

Best to have brought him straight home.

5eggstremelychocaletymadeggs Mon 01-Apr-13 14:34:38

Omg please let this be an April fool?!!!

If my dp did this I would kill him!!

Its a horrible, mean and spiteful thing to do sad

countrykitten Mon 01-Apr-13 14:34:42

Yes - can you describe the dino so we can see if we can source a replacement for your stupid dh to go out and buy asap

Iggly Mon 01-Apr-13 14:34:45

I know the message has been gotten but just to add:

your DH is a nobber.

Your child is 3.5 (I have a 3.5 year old boy and a little toddler too - I feel your pain).

Awful man.

Growlithe Mon 01-Apr-13 14:36:18

When you take away a child's comfort toy you need to ask the question, exactly who are you punishing? The answer to this is the child's mother 9 times out of 10, especially at a vulnerable time like when there is a new baby.

I've been stewing about this. I know DH has gone back to try to find the dinosaur but throwing it in the first place... I don't think I could, even in a moment of anger, hurt or throw away DD's best friend (which her stuffed toy is). He has come to be a stinky, ever-present member of the family. I would feel odd for me throwing him. Because he is real to her on some, very weird level, he is real to DH and I.

I hope DH is fully cognisant of how important dinosaur is now.

Well good luck with bedtime tonight. Insist DH does it. What a dreadful thing to do to a child. I'm hoping this is a bad April's Fool as this has made me feel very sad.

threesypeesy Mon 01-Apr-13 14:51:16

Oh that's just cruel and nasty!! Poor poor wee boy sad

Some one the threads on here recently regarding "punishments" child cruelty have left me sad these dcs are so young and the parents are so nasty in their treatment of them for what are in actual fact trivial incidents.

(looks at dds a little more lovingly) as i am so sad for some of these dcs

Iggly Mon 01-Apr-13 14:52:17

Agree with the last few posters.

People don't realise how much their kids look up to them regardless of how they behave. These things will fuck them up.

babybythesea Mon 01-Apr-13 14:53:44

I am also trying to imagine a circumstance in which I got so annoyed I chucked DD's favourite toy in a river. I can't. I just can't picture any scenario where she could do something so hideous that this would be my response. I can possibly just about imagine getting to the point where I might confiscate it for a bit but even that is pushing it. She probably wouldn't miss it much during the day although there'd definitely be trauma over the initial removal. It would be bed time when the world would collapse.
I'd be much more likely to say "You threw the ball in the river. I'm not going in for it. That toy is lost now, and since we can't play with it, we are going home."

Just seems totally out of any proportion.

LangenFlugelHappleHoff Mon 01-Apr-13 14:57:16

Thats madness! What a petty little man!

Ask him how the hell you child is going learn about behavior when this example is given to him.

Easy situation to control - DS throws ball into river, DH says "Oh well, we can't play anymore" sits down and stops all fun...DS will learn he has stopped the game, spoilt the fun and I'm sure feel pretty rotten about the whole episode.

Fluffycloudland77 Mon 01-Apr-13 14:57:24

Well, if he can't find it he can put ds to bed tonight when he can't settle.

I still remember the day mum cut the head off my favourite teddy.

essexmumma Mon 01-Apr-13 14:59:33

Poor DS and you - you don't need this with a new baby to look after. I think you are right to feel it was too much - I would not be happy with DH either. I hope he finds it xx

Sillyboys Mon 01-Apr-13 15:05:29

This is not an April fool.And I have not read any of the other threads about punishment so had no idea there was a theme on here.How sad.We now have the dinosaur back though and DS1 is happy.Agree with everyone on here.He has been a twat.He has acted impulsively and was stupid.Paternity leave finishes this week and he'll be back at work,doing bed time and just doing fun things at weekends.If we hadn't got it back this would have gone further even though the last thing I want is confrontation right now.Thanks for replying everyone.

LangenFlugelHappleHoff Mon 01-Apr-13 15:07:51

glad you have it back now thwack DH with the sodden dinosaur

DuttyWine Mon 01-Apr-13 15:08:47

So glad he got it back, for you and your ds. Hopefully you can chalk it up as experience and he will never do anything so stupid again.

SneezingwakestheJesus Mon 01-Apr-13 15:09:24

How did he get it back? shock

magimedi Mon 01-Apr-13 15:18:36

I am just so happy that dinosaur is back.

I bet your DH felt like crying when he saw DS's face when he got it back.

And I hope you can enjoy the rest of the day. flowers

landofsoapandglory Mon 01-Apr-13 15:23:20

You must live very close to an incredibly slow moving, shallow river OP! And if it was that easy to retrieve things from the river, what was the fecking issue with the ball in the first place?

If this is real, I would be having serious words with your DH if I were you. What he did was beyond cruel.

Lucyellensmum95 Mon 01-Apr-13 15:30:54

Glad it was retreived - hope your DH got wet grin Im sure it was just a fit of pique, none of us are perfect parents and im sure we have all done things we regret in the heat of the moment. What is important is that DS has his toy back and that him and daddy are friends again. Maybe your DH just needs to work on the discipline BEFORE he gets to losing his rag.

ImperialBlether Mon 01-Apr-13 15:45:04

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usualsuspect Mon 01-Apr-13 16:06:44

Was the dinosaur wearing a life jacket?

DuttyWine Mon 01-Apr-13 16:13:32

Maybe your dp just pretended to throw it in to teach ds a lesson and carried it on too far and it backfired massively? That might explain how he got it back from a river?

aldiwhore Mon 01-Apr-13 16:14:18

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Sianilaa Mon 01-Apr-13 16:17:52

That's really shocking.

If my DH had done that, I'd be tearing him a new one!

At 3.5 he doesn't really understand that throwing the ball into the river means its gone forever, etc... My 3 year old would have been told off and brought swiftly home. Possibly even 3 minutes in time out.

Good luck at bedtime tonight....

Sianilaa Mon 01-Apr-13 16:19:16

Ooops hadn't read the update. Glad you got dinosaur back!

Sillyboys Mon 01-Apr-13 16:43:54

To clarify,as some of you have asked,the river is a slow moving rocky gorge running through a country park.It has steep sides ,2 small weirs and several bridges.I haven't asked exactly where it was thrown in,but it definitely was as DS1 told me &DH agreed.The reason they came back without it is that is was unsafe to leave the 2&3 yr old on the bank to venture into the water.DH left to fetch it wearing wellies & waterproof trousers and was unsure he would be anle to reach it.Why anyone thinks I have made this up or done it as an April fool is beyond me! It is/was not funny at all.

Altinkum Mon 01-Apr-13 16:49:19

I despair of parents on here sometimes, these are under 5's who adult parents have the brain cells of a fish!!!

crashdoll Mon 01-Apr-13 16:52:57

If my husband did that to my young child, I might seriously considering leaving the bastard.

Remotecontrolduck Mon 01-Apr-13 17:12:28

What?! That is an absolutely barbaric thing to do to a three year old child!

What is wrong with some parents? Why this crazy over reaction to everything? I've just seen the other thread about the four year old and the easter eggs and am stunned at how cruel some people can be to tiny kids. I'm not a soft touch by any means but punishments need to be proportionate to the actions and the understanding of the child!

I'd have gone ballistic if a partner of mine had done that. I probably would have kicked him out the house at least temporarily for being such a twat.

Hissy Mon 01-Apr-13 17:25:47

WTAF? The merest hint of anyone doing this to my DS's monkey makes me feel physically ill!

OP, you H is a twat, and a mean, disgusting little twat at that.

Go and get the dinosaur.

KurriKurri Mon 01-Apr-13 18:30:34

I agree with crashdoll - I cannot contemplate staying around someone who is that cruel, what an utterly bastard thing to do. I'm glad your little boy has his dinosaur back, but Good God I utterly despair.

Have just read the Easter egg punishment thread and I thought that was bloody sad too but refrained from posting.

have people gone mad because it is the holidays?

sadsad

SinisterBuggyMonth Mon 01-Apr-13 18:57:41

Totally histerical thread, in both sences. But well done everyone for entering into them spirit of it

(dons flame proof coat and runs for the hills, and rivers)

ariane5 Mon 01-Apr-13 19:08:14

What a horrible thing to do. I have to say though my DH has threatened similar before to dcs and I have told him to never dare throw teddy/blanket away no matter how naughty dcs are.

Your poor ds, I hope you can get dinosaur back or buy a replacement.

landofsoapandglory Mon 01-Apr-13 19:21:29

I told DH about this earlier. He said if he had done that when ours were small (he wouldn't have), he would have been too scared to have come home to tell me!blush

Bakingtins Mon 01-Apr-13 19:55:47

LTB is a bit extreme, surely? The DH is probably sleep deprived if there is a new baby in the house, and 3 yr olds can be very aggravating. He lost his temper, did something stupid and has now had to paddle in the river to redeem himself. Lesson learned, he'll think before acting next time.

Maryz Mon 01-Apr-13 19:57:49

I also feel a little sorry for him.

He ballsed up, but did his best to fix it.

I hope you both get some sleep smile.

GravityDefier Mon 01-Apr-13 20:08:59

I had a teddy from birth, my absolute comfort toy. He was with me when I moved, went on school trips etc. I lost it when I was an adult, and I cried. I was so upset because it held all these memories and it had always been there. I cannot imagine how a three year old can feel. Saying the DH made a mistake isn't good enough in my books. This is a horrible horrible thing to do and it would make me think long and hard about the way I have perceived DH so far. Hurting a three year old so badly? What a bully. And you can't take that shock back, your little boy will remember this. I am so sad for the kid.

midastouch Mon 01-Apr-13 20:10:36

shock
Your poor ds, suitable punishment would have been going home and telling him if he does it again he wont be able to come out and play with daddy! Thats my opinion anyway.
You never ever chuck your childrens toys away, confiscate yes, although not a toy that goes to bed.
As for your DH, you should be very angry with him, send him out to buy a new dinosaur and an extra one to say sorry

Catmint Mon 01-Apr-13 20:21:31

Pleased that dinosaur is back. I bet your DP has learned from this, it really was a terrible thing to do, but I hope he will reflect on what appropriate sanctions are.

Your DS wasn't naughty. Balls are to be thrown, some people throw them into rivers for dogs. Hes copying normal adult behaviour. Poor DS, he hasn't acted badly at all, DH has. Glad he has it back, but what was your DH thinking.

mumofweeboys Mon 01-Apr-13 20:29:00

Glad your dh got it back. Sleep deprived parents plus 2 toddlers can make for very irrational parent moments.

milkymocha Mon 01-Apr-13 22:28:40

You sound nice OP but, your DH is a twat.

I would have gone absolutely insane in this position. I hope your son chucks his phone/wallet/keys next time.
Idiot

I feel so sorry for your little boy. 3 is still a baby. Your 'd'h sounds like a complete and utter cunt, and he'd be out on his ear if he was mine.

Euclase Mon 01-Apr-13 22:53:21

shock

I'd have gone batshit ! Your poor son. Comfortors are out of bounds.

Your DH was very mean angry

Apileofballyhoo Mon 01-Apr-13 23:26:42

Glad you got the dinosaur back.

babanouche Mon 01-Apr-13 23:32:25

Hurrah for safe return of the dinosaur! No harm done. Silly thing to do, of course, but we've all had our parenting fails, I'm sure, especially while sleep deprived and looking after a 3 yr old AND a new baby.

Bet your OH is very sheepish now, OP. Grab a cuddle with him and imagine how comedy he must have looked being that mad with a toddler. We've all done it, don't care what anyone else says. Main thing is he went in after it. That must be worth a giggle too, surely.wink

Dancergirl Mon 01-Apr-13 23:48:54

Oh thank goodness you got it back, poor little boy.

I wouldn't dream of doing that with ANY toy, let alone a beloved one.

RapunzelAteMyHamster Mon 01-Apr-13 23:51:31

My dad threw my tape player out of the window when I was 15 and listening to some awful guns and roses song which was basically just screaming fuck off over and over again.

He then spent the rest of the afternoon fixing it smile Glad everyone is feeling calmer.

SirBoobAlot Tue 02-Apr-13 00:09:34

Glad the dinosaur is back, but seriously... What a fucking horrible thing to do. What an utterly heartless bastard you would have to be to do that to a child's comforter.

whokilleddannylatimer Tue 02-Apr-13 00:27:41

Comfort toys are out of bounds, dc1 has a cat that has dissapeared and is upset now at ten!

allagory Tue 02-Apr-13 00:39:41

Get a grip. A cuddly toy went in a river: no one was harmed! I am sure both son and husband learned a little more about life and each other from it.

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