Sister set her wedding date two months before mine

(82 Posts)
Karadi Sun 31-Mar-13 21:54:48

She did check with me that it was alright and even though i was taken aback, I said its fine go ahead

A bit of background. Ive been seeing my finance for a couple of years, got engaged in Sept and have been dithering about setting a date but thought we do it July. Small wedding so not much planning req.

Sister met her finance in Sept, had a whirlwind romance and they have deceided to get married and not wait. Sister is 36 yrs old and wants to start a family asap and thinking of getting married in May.

Considering all this I have said go ahead but at the back of my mind i think she is being a bit U and sort of trying to upstage me. I say sort of because she is lovely and we are very good friends so i dont think all this is conscious. She is older than me btw.

So AIBU for thinking she is?

AllThatGlistens Sun 31-Mar-13 21:57:36

But if you haven't actually set a date formally yet then she can't be upstaging you?

TWinklyLittleStar Sun 31-Mar-13 21:58:17

YABU, she asked which she was under no obligation to do, and as she's 36 I can see that she wants to get on with having a baby asap. Anyway my DSis and I had a similar gap between our weddings and it was lovely being able to plan and get excited together. Hopefully you'll be able to do the same.

notnowImreading Sun 31-Mar-13 21:58:21

Double wedding?!

FiveGoMadInDorset Sun 31-Mar-13 21:58:34


scottishtablet Sun 31-Mar-13 21:59:18

Yes, YABU. She asked you- you had the chance to say you would like to be married first, and you didn't take it.

I think for the sake of your relationship and your own sanity you might have to let this one go if you can. I can understand her not wanting to wait at the age of 36. How old are you OP?

HollyBerryBush Sun 31-Mar-13 22:00:41

How can you say one the one hand she is upstaging you, then on the other hand say she wouldn't be conscious of doing so? T'is one thing or the other.

ChippingInIsEggceptional Sun 31-Mar-13 22:01:10

Double wedding seems like a good plan grin

TheEasterQODdy Sun 31-Mar-13 22:01:36

My sis did exactly this. We got engaged on deciding to get married a yr for that day, sis suddenly announced about 8 months later that she was bringing her wedding forward by 9 months (not pregggers) to 7 weeks before ours.

TheEasterQODdy Sun 31-Mar-13 22:01:57

Ugh a year FROM that day

Karadi Sun 31-Mar-13 22:03:13

I can understand her reasons for not wanting to wait but its just that a lot of people will be traveling from abroad for the wedding and its unlikely that they will travel for two weddings a couple of months apart and it is likely that they will come for hers and not mine. Which is why Im a bit grumpy about this.

Not enough to say no to her or cause a fight but just enough to want to vent on an anonymous forum smile

Neither of us want a double wedding.

I am 34.

FakeHotCrossLobsters Sun 31-Mar-13 22:10:11

When I met DH his cousin was engaged and the wedding set for September.

We were also a bit of a whirlwind and got engaged four months after we met and set a wedding date for July.

Upstaging his cousin didn't even cross our minds.

I understand you might have felt put on the spot but she asked and you said you didn't mind, so I think you might have to let it go now.

Is it just the wedding that's bothering you, or is the fact that she's also thinking of starting a family after the wedding on your mind as well?

FakeHotCrossLobsters Sun 31-Mar-13 22:11:32

Oh, x-posted.

The guests from abroad thing does add a bit to it.

Does she even plan on inviting everyone though, or is she thinking of a quick, low key event?

trixymalixy Sun 31-Mar-13 22:13:03

She checked with you. You said it was fine. YABU.

Karadi Sun 31-Mar-13 22:15:04

Yes she will invite everyone. About 25% of the guests would be close family and our childhood friends who now live abroad. If anything hers is going to be a bigger event than mine.

But glad to know people think IABU so will let it go and enjoy her wedding.

No = not at all jealous of her happiness or having anything against her starting a family

thegreylady Sun 31-Mar-13 22:15:39

I do think a double wedding is the way to go so family members can see you both married.You could have a separate party for your individual friends at a later date.

How can she 'upstage' you?

You are marrying the person you love, her marrying the person she loves doesn't change that at all.

YABU and a bit bridezilla.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Sun 31-Mar-13 22:17:38

If you don't want a double wedding, then why not have yours the following day or something? That way everyone will be there for both.

Maggie111 Sun 31-Mar-13 22:18:01

You're dithering with yours - she can't wait till you actually decide anything as that could be a while yet.. I can understand your issue but as you only want a small wedding - why don't you do it within the same week as hers?

Don't have a joint wedding together but plan some elements together - so that they can be distinct. You can agree with each other's venues and colours etc.

specialsubject Sun 31-Mar-13 22:19:53

on what planet does it matter how close or far apart two sisters get married?

thousands of people will get married in the same week as you. Some may even get married on the same day.

another newsflash - many people may not travel from abroad for either wedding. Those that only want to go to one will not have the decision affected by whichever is first.

live your own life. Your wedding will take an hour of it at most and is not important.

CandyCrushed Sun 31-Mar-13 22:22:07

YAB very U

It was polite of her to ask you but really she should get married whenever she wants and you should get married when you want.

Do you honestly think she wants to upstage you???? hmm.

formicaqueen Sun 31-Mar-13 22:40:02

does it really matter

SquinkieBunnies Sun 31-Mar-13 23:44:01

My sister and her best friend (since babies, like sisters) married a week apart, they were each others bridesmaids. If you have family coming from so far, maybe a week apart means they could see both weddings. Or cancel your date and move it to another year out.
I'm sure you can come to some sort of happy medium.

allagory Mon 01-Apr-13 00:12:41

i can see why you might be slightly miffed. But she did ask. To be honest, if the relatives / friends come from abroad for her wedding, you will get to spend more time with them and enjoy their company much more as a guest than a bride. Before the wedding there are a million little urgent tasks to do and at the reception as the bride you really have to talk to everyone. If you have 80 people coming and 6 hours, that's only 6 mins per person (less if you take time out for photos, eating, speeches, cutting cake etc.)

I am sure you will have a lovely day at your wedding but being a bride is really a daft load of nonsense. Focus on the marriage, not the wedding.

pinkyredrose Mon 01-Apr-13 01:38:02

YABU. Get over yourself. She's your sister you should be happy for her.

CSIJanner Mon 01-Apr-13 03:14:22

She asked, you said yes but the question came out of nowhere. Do you think that you could put feelers out as to whether those abroad would come back for your wedding, and if not, organise a meal with them?

Alternatively, you could book your wedding for the beginning of June so they might extend their stay and come to your wedding at the end of their holidays?

Pagwatch Mon 01-Apr-13 03:25:39

I can see why you are a bit taken aback.
But I think you are right to try and work round it. Some of the suggestions on here are quite good - pulling the dates closer together or trying to arrange a supper for any long distance guests who won't be able to fly in twice.

You and your sister are close. Talk to her about it - maybe co host a party between the two ceremonies for the long distance guests. It probably won't have occurred to her that her wedding may mean some family/friends won't travel to yours.

ivanapoo Mon 01-Apr-13 03:46:07

My sister did exactly this but we ended up moving our date (before she announced hers) so instead of 2 months later it was 8 months later.

I didn't mind at all, but then the only people in common going to both were family and most aren't abroad so less of an issue. Our weddings were quite different. Our relatives that we're abroad said they would come to ours rather than hers if they couldn't attend both as they received our save the date first... As it happened they came to both (at great expense!).

I think YABU as a) she checked and b) you haven't confirmed a date.

Longdistance Mon 01-Apr-13 03:56:23

Do it a week before or after, and the guests who have come from abroad will be at both.
Speak to your sister about it. I reckon she'd be really pleased, and you could help each other out, and have a joint hen before. Saving money that way.

TheEasterQODdy Mon 01-Apr-13 05:39:50

We had parents both living separately abroad at the time, and aunt
I had to change my date or accept none of them could come.

I think you've a right to be pissEd off

JenaiMorris Mon 01-Apr-13 05:52:07

YANBU at all. This isn't about being upstaged, it's abut being able to share your wedding with guests who won't be able to make both weddings easily.

I life the idea of moving the days closer together, considering that it would be a bit much to postpone either wedding by a year.

Alligatorpie Mon 01-Apr-13 06:21:38

My step sis ( who i grew up with) got married 2 months before me. She asked if it was ok and i was confused as to why she would even ask as don't own the date. It turned out fine, we had very different weddings - hers was more formal and child free, mine was very casual and we had 10 children under the age of 5. People had a good time at both - i dont think they were comparing. Different people, different wedding styles.

Alligatorpie Mon 01-Apr-13 06:24:50

I forgot to mention the guests from abroad. If you really want them there, send a save the date card ( once you have committed to a date) then they will have the choice of which wedding they want to attend.

NewAtThisMalarky Mon 01-Apr-13 06:55:40

People coming from abroad might nog be able to arrange it with just a few weeks notice. Travel is generally more expensive thd closer to the travel dates it gets.

ditziness Mon 01-Apr-13 06:58:17

It's something I too struggle with, I always feel like my sister tries to upstage me, even though I'm sure most folk would think I'm being entirely mental and unreasonable!

For instance when I fell pregnant with my first child, she already had two children. I told her when I was five weeks pregnant. Her third baby issux weeks younger than mine! When I told her she automatically said it made her feel broody and jealous. But when she told our wider family she was pregnant too, it was a disaster, a complete accidental third child and her pregnancy was extremely difficult and dramatic , needing much support and attention from the family. I always feel awful saying it, but she completely took all the attention from me and my first baby. We both had boys, and it's great because they are friends. But she's so competitive with them.

And even more contentious, when I got engaged, she announced that she was divorcing her husband a few weeks later. So the whole six months I was getting ready for my wedding, my family were focused on her marriage, and whether she and her husband would split up. They reconciled and came to the wedding together, with lots if stress and bad feeling from my family as she'd bad mouthed her husband plenty. Infact my mother was supporting my sister more on my wedding day than me, because she was upset at being at a wedding when hers was falling apart. But they are still together now 5 years down the line.

ditziness Mon 01-Apr-13 07:08:38

It's something I too struggle with, I always feel like my sister tries to upstage me, even though I'm sure most folk would think I'm being entirely mental and unreasonable!

For instance when I fell pregnant with my first child, she already had two children. I told her when I was five weeks pregnant. Her third baby issux weeks younger than mine! When I told her she automatically said it made her feel broody and jealous. But when she told our wider family she was pregnant too, it was a disaster, a complete accidental third child and her pregnancy was extremely difficult and dramatic , needing much support and attention from the family. I always feel awful saying it, but she completely took all the attention from me and my first baby. We both had boys, and it's great because they are friends. But she's so competitive with them.

And even more contentious, when I got engaged, she announced that she was divorcing her husband a few weeks later. So the whole six months I was getting ready for my wedding, my family were focused on her marriage, and whether she and her husband would split up. They reconciled and came to the wedding together, with lots if stress and bad feeling from my family as she'd bad mouthed her husband plenty. Infact my mother was supporting my sister more on my wedding day than me, because she was upset at being at a wedding when hers was falling apart. But they are still together now 5 years down the line.

Obviously both these things are massive, and both times I acquiesced and accepted that my sister needed my families support and attention more than me. Keeping my doubts to myself. Because it's awful to think she'd manufacture things like divorces And pregnancies for attention. But sometimes, when the pattern continues in smaller ways , like it has since our childhoods, of her always wanting my clothes, my things etc, I get resentful and seethe. Doesn't do me any good though. Sister relationships can be very strange.

Best of luck OP. my best advice is to try and ignore it. Focus on you. Feeling bad about it is to your own detriment. Try and let it go.

ditziness Mon 01-Apr-13 07:09:39

Sorry, not sure why my post posted half finished!!weird!

ivanapoo Mon 01-Apr-13 07:20:49

Ditziness your sis sounds like a drama queen tbh...

nosleeps Mon 01-Apr-13 07:27:14

This May? As in next month? Flights will be very expensive. Have them a couple of days apart then everyone gets the chance to go to both.

searching4serenity Mon 01-Apr-13 07:38:52

How can she upstage you? If you mean she will take away some of the attention you feel was meant for you... Well look at it this way - you can have lots of fun talking weddings and looking for dresses etc together. Turn it into a positive!

If you don't want to feel pressured into a date and you're the sort of person that likes to take their time... Then choose a date way after hers.

ditziness Mon 01-Apr-13 07:48:33

She's actually lovely , and we do get on well and it's awful to think that these things would be intentional. Makes me feel ashamed of myself really, but this is anonymous. I'd never say it out loud to her or anyone else. Really I think that it's either completely coincidental and my bad thoughts about it are my own weird sister problem, or most likely subconscious and the product of two similar aged women having lived their whole lives simultaneously, doing similar life steps at similar times.

So OP, I'd advise to just absorb it and not worry.

microserf Mon 01-Apr-13 08:43:29

She asked which is better than not! In the general scheme of things, this is pretty small beer. I'd be happy for her and not sweat it. When the fog of bridezilla ness recedes (and you seem to be only mildly afflicted) you would regret making a big deal about it.

On a separate note congratulations! This will be a big year for your family.

TobyLerone Mon 01-Apr-13 08:53:51

YABVU and a bridezilla before you've even set a date.

I cannot imagine many things which matter less than whether your sister gets married 2 months before you.

Also you sound smug and judgemental with all your "we've been together ages and she's only just met her DP".

ELR Mon 01-Apr-13 08:56:45

Quick get your invites in the post ASAP!!

janey68 Mon 01-Apr-13 08:58:09

I too am confused about the timing. She's wanting a big wedding this may ( ie next month!) She'll be lucky to find a registrar and venue free, never mind worrying about people booking flights from overseas.

And as you were thinking of a small do anyway, and haven't even set a date yet, then why would you expect people to travel from abroad?

There's something which doesn't add up here. If I received an invitation from a family member to a wedding next month then I would wonder why on earth they hadn't asked earlier. If it was an overseas wedding and involved flights, I doubt I'd go as prices will have shot up by now and also lack of availability would be an issue?

Or are you talking may 2014? In which case, you have plenty of time to arrange your own do, either before or around the same time, but tbh if you want a small wedding I don't know why you're worried as presumably you won't want half the people she's having.

The timing here does not add up. Of did your sister plan this a while back for next month? If so, why are invites not sent out and a clear idea of who's coming sorted out by now? And why raise it as a problem the month before her big day?

ELR Mon 01-Apr-13 09:03:02

YANBU the fact she even asked you is proof she knows it is an issue. If you hadn't actually set a date I can understand her asking as you might have changed your mind, but you should now go ahead and formally set the date if that's what you want to be honest it's one off those odd situations where you can see both sides, I hope it works out for you

janey68 Mon 01-Apr-13 09:30:15

Just re read OP and you say sister does not want to wait to marry, so clearly May means next month. I really wouldnt worry about people from abroad... She'll be lucky to get any of them at such short notice (never mind the venue and registrar at such short notice!)

You still haven't set a date so go ahead with July if you want , though frankly if you're expecting people to travel from abroad FGS tell them a a date NOW As flights will be getting more expensive by the day. July is also a busy time of year. I find it very odd that neither of you seem to have given this much thought. It's fairly standard to send invitations for a big wedding around 3 months beforehand- and of course for important family members you'll tell them to keep the date free long before.

Your OP raises many questions really. Has your sister already invited the people from abroad? Do you know for sure they are coming? Do you actually want them at your 'small' wedding? If so, why have you not set a date if you are thinking of 3 months down the line?

Honest answer in your situation: I would go for a late summer wedding if you want a small do, maybe september time, often lovely weather. Or if you actually want a fairly big do, book for summer 2014. You have been with your fiancé for years, you're clearly in no rush so either of these solutions are fine.

But the timing and the lack of definite arrangements in place sounds really odd tbh. I can't see how your sister will pull off a big do in a month!

sparklekitty Mon 01-Apr-13 11:05:21

My Dbil proposed to his then gf a year after my DH proposed to me then set their date 10 days before ours. They spent a fortune on theirs and his family did compare on our day (lots of 'well bil did so and so on his big day) It drove me mad so I understand how you feel. YNBU

Bogeyface Mon 01-Apr-13 11:11:12

You can forget May and July this year or next! Any half decent venue will have been booked up atleast a year ago, so I wouldnt worry too much about it as you will probably both have to change the date.

LIZS Mon 01-Apr-13 11:16:50

So neither of you have actually set a date, but expect people to take leave at short notice and travel from overseas. Since when was this just a "small wedding" hmm

Karadi Mon 01-Apr-13 14:09:04

We will have the wedding at our house - have a large garden and will put up a marquis so the venue booking is not really an issue.

It is a small wedding as the no of people coming is not huge but we do have overlap of people especially childhood friends and close family.

But I have decided to postpone my wedding and let us all focus on hers.

HazelnutinCaramel Mon 01-Apr-13 14:30:30

You know you can have a wedding any time you like don't you? It doesn't have to be summer. Do something different! A Halloween wedding or Bonfire Night. Christmas. I know someone who got married on New Years Eve, which if you're having a small do, is an excellent idea.

And if your sister is in a rush to start a family, why not start one and get married later? This isn't the 1800s.

Oh I really can't stand all this bridezilla upstaging nonsense. I just can't understand it - weddings are not a competition, FGS! Where does the upstaging come into it?! People planning a wedding often have only limited choice of dates when it comes to things like time off work and venues and choice of honeymoon so are often tied to certain dates.

OP, the one things that MIGHT concern me is the guests travelling from abroad thing..but then, I think you said you wanted only a small wedding so presumably only the very closest friends and family would be there, and so would travel for that, no matter if it was only a few months after your sister.

simplesusan Mon 01-Apr-13 14:37:04

I felt a bit like this with bil and sil (neither related to me).

We had been together several years and planned our wedding over a year in advance.

Sil and bil then announce they will be getting married 2 months before us. Both had been married before and hadn't been seeing each other long.
The thing I found strange was that they couldn't have a honeymoon till after our wedding (she gets set holidays) so I thought it would have made more sense for them to get married after us and go straight on honeymoon when her holidays were.

Anyway not much you can do about it.

countrykitten Mon 01-Apr-13 14:37:05

Bridefuckingzilla. Upstage? Jeez - how about being happy for your sister?

countrykitten Mon 01-Apr-13 14:38:35

And I doubt you'll have a Marquis at your wedding (although I may be wrong). More likely to be a marquee.

LaQueen Mon 01-Apr-13 15:02:02

I really don't see how any bride can possibly feel up-staged by anyone else's wedding hmm

You're marrying the man you love, your wedding will be can someone else's wedding detract from that? I don't get it?

But, I know that people think very differently sad

DH and I got married 6 weeks before a close relative's wedding. We never stopped for a moment to think we might be upstaging them (although the bride did accuse us of this, to our guests at our wedding hmm ).

We had been together 10 engaged in the spring, and wanted to marry that summer. There were only a handful of days left available at the venue we wanted, so...

To be honest, we were too busy organising our own wedding, to fret about anyone's else wedding...and we assumed the close relative would be too. Except she wasn't...she genuinely thought we should delay our wedding until the following year, so as not to up-stage her hmm

I just don't get it. I loved our wedding day, nothing could have made me feel up-staged...and I would have been perfectly happy for the other bride to marry the week before us, or the week just wouldn't have impacted on our day, at all.

I just saw our wedding as a huge party we were throwing, and not something to get so irrtate about, or so hissy about. It was just one day, and amazing day, yes, but still just one day smile

Karadi Mon 01-Apr-13 15:04:25

Countrykitten - think i will have both smile

and RTFT

CSIJanner Mon 01-Apr-13 15:18:05

Karadi - that's v sweet of you to postpone. I think your sister might realise and appreciate it, even if you don't tell her the reason why. I hope you enjoy both days x

JenaiMorris Mon 01-Apr-13 15:55:43

Karadi I hope you enjoy your marquis in a marquee grin

It's very good of you to postpone your wedding. I don't think you were being at all bridezilla, other than when you mentioned being upstaged and even then like I said earlier I think it was the guests issue that bothered you most.

TiggyD Mon 01-Apr-13 15:57:56

Refer to her wedding as "the warm up".

lovetomoan Mon 01-Apr-13 16:27:12

There will be two different weddings, do not worry about this and I am sure both will be fine as most weddings are.

Moknicker Mon 01-Apr-13 16:44:20

Thank you to everyone who has taken the trouble to post on this thread. I have found this really useful to help to think through my feelings on this.

To those posters who have asked me to be happy for my sister - I am. Do you not understand nuanced emotions whereby one can be extremely happy for someone that they love dearly but also feel slightly grumpy with them at the same time?

Groovee Mon 01-Apr-13 17:20:33

My wedding date was set for 13 months. Then my brother got married 5 weeks before me. It went fine but I was miffed.

JenaiMorris Mon 01-Apr-13 17:29:17

"Miffed" is probably a good word in this context. I'd be miffed too. I wouldn't be incandescent with rage or wailing because my wedding was ruined - ruined!!!! but yeah, I'd be a bit put out. Wouldn't anyone?

Being thrilled for the other couple and being a bit "hang on, I was meant to be doing this first" aren't mutually exclusive.

DontmindifIdo Mon 01-Apr-13 17:34:44

i think its very generous of you to pospone if you think it'll be a problem having them so close together - in fact to me that's the opposite of bridzilla - you've realised that actually it might be a problem for your guests to attend both so close together, so rather than stamp your feet and say "but I was first" and try to force people to do both/pick yours, you've changed it it make it possile for people to do both.

Sallyingforth Mon 01-Apr-13 17:44:28

I don't see any problem with it. You are both getting married and you both set dates that are right for you. I would only be concerned if they were the same week and made attendance difficult for friends.

DontmindifIdo Mon 01-Apr-13 17:47:47

Sally, a lot of the 'cross over' guests will have to fly in from overseas. It does mean two weddings a couple of months apart in the UK is both too far away for them both to be covered in one trip, and too close together for a lot of people to find the money again for another UK trip. It's really good of you to move it OP.

Plumsofgold Mon 01-Apr-13 18:14:27

I think it's very odd that you are now postponing your wedding. I was under the impression that getting married was about the 2 of you. If people want to see you get married then they will still come.

HildaOgden Mon 01-Apr-13 18:21:57

I don't think you should be annoyed with your sister...I think you should be annoyed with yourself for procastinating.

Your wedding wasn't even booked.

piratecat Mon 01-Apr-13 18:25:44

if it means alot of people won't be able to take time off or be able to afford to come to your wedding then i don not think you are being unreasonable.

she was unreasonable to get in there before you, and i feel she should have held off.

that's what i would have done if it was my sister and she'd been talking to me about wedding plans for this year.

janey68 Mon 01-Apr-13 18:54:10

I think you've got the far better deal by postponing. I'm still
wondering how on earth your sister is going to get a big do booked and organised for next month!! Youve got far more chance of getting the rellies from abroad over

kelda Mon 01-Apr-13 19:00:38

You don't sound that bothered about getting married if you have postponed the wedding - although how can you postpone if you had never set a date anyway?

If you really want to get married, stop thinking about it and just do it. Nothing and no-one would have stopped me marrying my dh.

Bogeyface Mon 01-Apr-13 19:05:58

I wonder if the reason the sister has jumped in first is because she is older and feels that as the elder sister she should be the one that gets married first. Some people are stupid about that sort of thing. I know someone who stopped speaking to her younger sister because the younger sister had a baby first, even though the older one didnt want kids at that point. As far as she was concerned, the younger sister should have waited until the older sister had had at least one baby before starting her own family, and if that meant waiting 5 years, well tough, wait!

emess Mon 01-Apr-13 19:49:43

OP I think you have found a sensible way through this. I am glad.

Real-life story: A (female) and B got engaged at New Year and declared they would marry in 1.5 years (in June). A's older brother then got engaged to his gf shortly after, and declared they would marry in August. A felt upstaged and felt it was unfair on their widowed mother (despite widowed mother not having to pay for son's wedding, obviously). So A and B pulled their wedding forward to November. A was miffed that she couldn't have the June wedding she'd dreamed of. She's my MIL and is still complaining about it 60 years later!! OP, don't let this be you ...

Trills Mon 01-Apr-13 19:51:39

Having a wedding is not "upstaging" someone, it is just "having a wedding".

Trills Mon 01-Apr-13 19:55:48

You've been dithering and have not set a date.

She has reasons to want to get married quickly.

As far as she knew you could have waited another year.

She's not dong it to upstage you, she's doing it because she wants to be married.

foreverondiet Mon 01-Apr-13 19:59:41

Yabu as you said you were dithering about when, why should she wait when you dithering? if you are worried about overseas guests have the wedding a few days after hers.

FamiliesShareGerms Mon 01-Apr-13 20:01:32

It's a bit Bennett sisters to worry about which sister gets married first

allagory Mon 01-Apr-13 23:48:05

Karadi - difficult decision, so mature. Your sister is lucky to have you.

Mother2many Wed 03-Apr-13 16:14:15

I think your worried that people won't be able to travel to go to BOTH weddings?

I agree with ImTooHecsyForYourParty , maybe have it a few days after hers...and then out of town, people travel LONG distances can attend both! smile)

I'm sure if she confronted you about the date, she would understand just talking about how you feel about everything.... Doesn't hurt to talk and ask for suggestions on how to make things work for both of you. flowers

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