To think its rude to order a starter if nobody else is?

(132 Posts)
Iactuallydothinkso Sun 31-Mar-13 11:36:05

Well, mn jury. Is it?

CuppaTea83 Sun 31-Mar-13 11:36:57

Hell, no!

Tailtwister Sun 31-Mar-13 11:37:22

I probably wouldn't. If you do, it must means it takes so much longer for everyone else to get their main course and I'd feel a bit awkward eating when nobody else was.

MissAnnersley Sun 31-Mar-13 11:37:33

I wouldn't think it was rude, no.

god no, the atarter is the best bit, I would cry if I wasnt allowed a starter.

Tailtwister Sun 31-Mar-13 11:38:07

Sorry, didn't answer your question. I don't think it's rude as such, but it doesn't show much consideration for other people at the table.

It is unreasonable to not order a starter.

Man up FFS.


trixymalixy Sun 31-Mar-13 11:38:49

No. I'd much rather have a starter than dessert..

kinkyfuckery Sun 31-Mar-13 11:39:56

Why is it rude?

If noone else ordered a started because of time constraints, I'd ask for my starter to be brought at the same time as the main.

JudithOfThePascha Sun 31-Mar-13 11:40:24

Rude? No, I don't think it's rude. If someone else at the table made a comment about it, that would be rude. If anyone at the table farted loudly and then said "cor, blimey, that was a hot one!", that would be rude. If the waiter suggested someone had the fruit salad instead of chocolate cake so they didn't get any fatter, that would be rude.

But personally, I don't think someone ordering a course that is on the menu, even if no one else in their party does, is particularly rude.

chickensaladagain Sun 31-Mar-13 11:40:41

When I eat out with friends I always ask if we are having starters and they always say no so I don't have one hmm
I would much rather have starters than pudding!

If you suspect someone fancies a starter you should have one too so they are not eating alone, or don't feel like they're being awkward. Same goes for dessert grin

RustyBear Sun 31-Mar-13 11:41:12

Ditavontaseed - maybe you should do what DH often does and order two starters instead of a main course...

WilsonFrickett Sun 31-Mar-13 11:42:20

YABU. I love a starter and very rarely eat dessert. So should I just have a main course and sit quietly while everyone else tucks into pud?

I wouldn't. Everyone would sit and watch me eat it. sad

notimefors Sun 31-Mar-13 11:42:24

I am a greedy pig and often have starters and desserts when everyone else just has mains. I don't know if I'm rude or not, I just know my tummy demands that this is the way things remain.

iamsmokingafag Sun 31-Mar-13 11:43:38

I ahte it when people don't order starters.

Booyhoo Sun 31-Mar-13 11:43:48

nope. not rude. if i go out for a meal i'm paying for i order what i like. starters are to be expected when you eat out with others. if some choose not to that's up to them, but no way is it rude for some people to do what is expected in a restaurant.

EostreChaoticResurrEggtion Sun 31-Mar-13 11:44:22


Iactuallydothinkso Sun 31-Mar-13 11:44:35

I asked if it was thought rude because everybody else has to wait to get their food while the "startee" eats.

I actually thought it was really inconsiderate. But then I was very hungry. All but the startee opted for the set 2 course menu with main and dessert. Actually the startee also opted for that but added a starter too.

I just found it annoying.

iamsmokingafag Sun 31-Mar-13 11:45:15

have some bread then?

INeedThatForkOff Sun 31-Mar-13 11:45:22

My FIL did this not long ago. The other sixteen of us had to wait while he gobbled (he wasn't rushing on our behalf, that's just the way he eats). I don't think it would've hurt to go without a starter. I wouldn't do it for sure.

Iactuallydothinkso Sun 31-Mar-13 11:45:46

I fear I may be unreasonable as the general consensus is that I am!

SawyerHuckleberry Sun 31-Mar-13 11:46:07

No it's not rude, people should be able to order what they want. Plenty of times where I've waited for people to finish a starter when I'm hungry - never thought of them as rude.

Numberlock Sun 31-Mar-13 11:46:10

I'm with the startee! Did anyone get a calculator out at the end as someone had had an extra course?

ENormaSnob Sun 31-Mar-13 11:47:38

I never ever order a starter but think yabu.

Iactuallydothinkso Sun 31-Mar-13 11:47:40

Nah number lock, it was all divided up between the amount of people. Wasn't worried about that, nobody was.

wankerchief Sun 31-Mar-13 11:49:08

I would of ordered one too and if you all looked impatiently at me I would of eaten reeeaaallyyyyy sloooowwwllly grin

I rarely go out for dinner so I like to make the most of it


Booyhoo Sun 31-Mar-13 11:49:29

well if 3 out of a group of 6 order a starter, the other 3 still have to wait fo r their mains but does that make the startees rude? if 9 out of a group of 10 order starters making 1 person wait for mains are all 9 rude?

trixymalixy Sun 31-Mar-13 11:49:43

Why didn't you ask for your main courses to be brought at the same time as the starter then?

heronsfly Sun 31-Mar-13 11:52:32

I always have a starter but no pudding,I wouldn't expect others to go without pudding, so no I don't think its rude.

BrunellaPommelhorse Sun 31-Mar-13 11:53:02

no, i wouldnt though

BrunellaPommelhorse Sun 31-Mar-13 11:53:55

its polite to not be starving at a meal, eat a little before you go out

complexnumber Sun 31-Mar-13 11:54:18

Ooh! In the day there weren't many that would get between me and a Berni Inn pate starter (with extra toast please).

And then a steak (medium please) and jacket potato (extra butter please).

And a bottle of your cheapest red wine (please)


RegularVoltaire Sun 31-Mar-13 11:54:30

Its not rude at all confused

sannaville Sun 31-Mar-13 11:55:53

I have,starter but no dessert but I order starter to come with my main

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Sun 31-Mar-13 11:56:02

Starters are for greedy piggies.

JudithOfThePascha Sun 31-Mar-13 11:56:28

Inconsiderate? Annoying? Those are quite strong words for someone ordering a starter when the rest of you didn't.

I have to say, I do think you are being quite unfair. If everyone had ordered starters but you, would they all be rude? Why should anyone not order a starter just because you're hungry but don't want a starter?

kinkyfuckery Sun 31-Mar-13 11:56:34

If you were that bloody hungry, why didn't you order a starter, rather than wait?

CouthySaysEatChoccyEggs Sun 31-Mar-13 11:59:10


Lots of people prefer a starter to a dessert. Half of my family do.

So, some wait around eating nothing at the start of the meal while others eat a starter, and some wait around eating nothing while others eat a dessert. OK the meal takes longer - but that's more time to talk and enjoy the evening and company, surely?

Why should the person who wants a starter but not a dessert ONLY have a main just because the others want a dessert. Surely you cater for all your friends likes, not just dictate that because everyone else doesn't want a starter, that person can't have one either?

And some people thinking of my DS1 here who eats for England want a starter, main AND dessert...

Nothing wrong with that either, as long as I'm not paying!

Sirzy Sun 31-Mar-13 12:00:01

As an adult why can't you wait? Why should others not have what they want because you are impatient?

IsaacCox Sun 31-Mar-13 12:02:04

Erm no, it's not ruda at all. YABU.

StuntGirl Sun 31-Mar-13 12:02:44

Don't be silly. Do you find it equally rude when people order coffee or desserts after the main meal?

Groovee Sun 31-Mar-13 12:02:46

I want a starter over a pudding. I'd find it rude if you pulled me up for it.

Iactuallydothinkso Sun 31-Mar-13 12:03:01

I guess I was unreasonable then!

It's just something I wouldn't do because I think it's rude and its difficult I guess to think others aren't rude when they do it.

I should probably relax a bit more and yes, not be sooooo hungry when I go out.

BooCanary Sun 31-Mar-13 12:03:14

I hate it that quite often (especially when out with a group of women only) there are clearly those who want a starter and those who don't, and the ones that do have to pretend they don't (IYSWIM) so as not to appear rude or greedy. And then quite often the people that didn't want a starter go on to have a dessert.

SO annoying, the starter is my favourite. That's the benefit of going for a meal with my DH - he always has all three courses and encourages me to do the same!

Tbh, the people who don't want a starter, and feel that they must exclaim loudly 'oh god no, I could NEVER eat a starter and a main, I'd be far too full' are very rude IMO.

Rude? Good gods - I'm an adult and I'll have what I damn well want if I go out! How very odd...

Crossed posts. You see yabu now, so I will forgive you. wink

aldiwhore Sun 31-Mar-13 12:06:25

If the startee was rude then you were rude too, for having a dessert when the startee had long finished eating?


YABU but you know that don't you? Stop being so considerate... have a starter if you want one from now on! (I'm a starter and dessert, no main, sort of person, so I'm probably the most U of everyone... and I pay in exact change including tip).

Iactuallydothinkso Sun 31-Mar-13 12:07:10

Cheers Remus!

I didn't want 3 courses because it was lunch and I was being fed by others later so I didn't want to eat too much. It is just me because I was so hungry, I didn't really want to wait.

I shall not hold it against the startee then.

N0tinmylife Sun 31-Mar-13 12:10:53

It does seem a bit rude. Whenever I go out to dinner with a group of people there usually seems to be a conversation at the start of the meal about whether we are having starters. Usually about half of the group do, but I certainly wouldn't have one if it was only me who wanted one. That said, I would feel sorry for the person who wanted a starter being deprived! I would have thought asking for the starter to be brought with the mains would be the perfect compromise and keep everyone happy!

I don't understand this idea of not going out too hungry, surely if you are going out to dinner you want to be hungry to enjoy the meal. Seems a little pointless eating first!

Viviennemary Sun 31-Mar-13 12:11:05

I could see under some circumstances why people might think it's inconsiderate to order a starter if nobody else is. For example if people were in a rush. But I like having a starter. And why shouldn't people have a starter if they want one.

I think the group you're with put together their meal from what is offered by restaurant. To me this means there should be a general consensus on whether you (as a group) are having starters/ puddings/ coffees. It's a bit anti-social to go against the flow. I agree though if one person adamantly wants a starter it's probably best if a few others join them - And agree starters can often be nicer than puds !

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Sun 31-Mar-13 12:11:30

I think it is inconsiderate if you expect everyone to wait for you.

However, I often order a starter because I intend to have a starter and a pud, instead of 3 courses. I want my pud grin and round here the portions are massive. The starters are honestly the size of an adult's meal. They aren't tiny little appetizers. Plus the choices are often nicer than the main.

I ask for my starter to be brought out at the same time as everyone's main. That way we all eat together, but I have the meal combination I want.

I would suggest you do that. Order the mains at the same time as the person orders their starter and tell the waiter/waitress to bring out the mains as soon as they're ready and not to wait for the starter to have been finished.

I suppose there will be those who say that's rude.

winefairy Sun 31-Mar-13 12:12:12

In a group we would tend to have a quick poll as to starters and I'd probably just go with the flow. If I really didn't fancy anything I'd be happy to wait though.

I never have dessert as I don't have a sweet tooth so I always have to wait for others to decide, order and eat before we can get the bill but I do so graciously with the knowledge I am the lone pudding hating freak. And I use it as an excuse to have another glass of wine.

Still, if no one else was ordering a starter I wouldn't have either. Not sure if that makes you unreasonable or not grin

AmberLeaf Sun 31-Mar-13 12:15:25


I love having a starter, would rather skip pudding.

ChippingInIsEggceptional Sun 31-Mar-13 12:15:40

Well done for seeing how unreasonable you were being smile

I woudn't order a starter if no-one else was, generally people tend to ask 'if we're doing starters or not' don't they and as a group you tend to go with the majority. More so I suppose if you are a 'split the bill' group or in a hurry. But if no-one asks and someone orders a starter I wouldn't think them rude.

I never used to order one because I prefer dessert, if on the rare occasion I have room after a main, but I can't eat desserts really anymore, so I'm more tempted by a starter if there's something nice but if no one else was ordering a started I'd be happy to have it with my main so as not to keep everyone waiting.

Fleecyslippers Sun 31-Mar-13 12:26:14

When I first went out with work colleagues it used to amaze me that one gobby cow would announce that 'we' weren't having starters. Apparently she did it at every meal out and nobody had said a word for years. Until I opened me gob grin Now people are allowed to eat what they like.

AmberLeaf Sun 31-Mar-13 12:27:38

This is probably why I don't like eating out in a big group!

makemineamalibuandpineapple Sun 31-Mar-13 13:08:11

I think this is one of the few things I dislike about going out in a group situation. You get there, people are looking at the menu, then someone pipes up, "whose having a starter?". There is an embarrassed silence and then the loudest person says yes or no and that seems to decide whether or not the whole group has a starter. I personally love the starter so am always really pleased to have one so if the group doesn't have one I am miffed but wouldn't eat one alone (I am weak!!) However, people don't seem to have the same problem with people not eating during dessert confused

KobayashiMaru Sun 31-Mar-13 13:11:48

So people around you should only eat as much as you personally want to have? I'm surprised you have to ask if you ABU, surely it's obvious. The rudeness here is making someone feel uncomfortable for eating the lunch they want to!

diddl Sun 31-Mar-13 13:14:00

I think if it was only me I would decline tbh.

Last time I went out I was the only one not having a starter.

I think the others felt bad about it as they all gave me a taster!

But previous to this there had already been a "shared platter" starter!

Zambonie Sun 31-Mar-13 13:15:04

Not rude, but not good form to make others wait. I tend to do what the majority do, so if no one else ordered one, I would pass too.

kinkyfuckery Sun 31-Mar-13 13:18:18

How many were in your group? Did anyone else think it was "rude"?

Trills Sun 31-Mar-13 13:19:13

Its sensible for the diners to decide together how many curses to have (and which) so that nobody is left without food while others eat.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sun 31-Mar-13 13:21:44

What about... everybody orders their main course - and then to finish - a desert OR a starter. That would keep everybody happy. I'm not a desert person, starters are more delicious. grin

DolomitesDonkey Sun 31-Mar-13 13:26:41

Yabu, but next time instead of sitting there in a sweaty state of pent-up passive aggressive fury - simply ask the wait staff to bring it at the same time as the main course so you don't have to wait.

Wishihadabs Sun 31-Mar-13 13:40:04

I am going against the flow to say YANBU. If everyone one else was happy for 1course only or main and dessert in this case, then I would either
a) Forgo my starter
b) Order it in place of a main (maybe with extra side order to bulk it out)

To not be able to exercise a modicum of self control and selflessness in a group situation would sit badly with me I'm afraid, sorry.

Lyin, that is genius!
Why is it related to self control?

Wishihadabs Sun 31-Mar-13 13:47:01

It is an exercise in self control to not order exactly what you want. (Albeit a minor one)

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief Sun 31-Mar-13 13:53:17

The ideal meal would be starter and pudding. Main courses are always a bit boring.

Numberlock Sun 31-Mar-13 13:57:05

I sometimes have two starters instead of starter and a main.

Fully agree with you Rich.

DrCoconut Sun 31-Mar-13 13:59:04

I often come across what I consider strange attitudes round food. Eating /not eating certain things or at certain times. Why not just eat what you want? As others have said have mains brought out for those not having a starter so no one is sat there. I like starter, main, dessert and a glass of something nice

I hate most deserts and love soup. So the others can sit and watch me scoff my soup and I'll sit and watch them scoff apple crumble. Not rude.

SirChenjin Sun 31-Mar-13 14:03:11

Not rude - as long as you don't order all 3 courses (or whatever it is) and bottles of wine while everyone else is having one course and a soft drink/one glass of wine, and then expect everyone else share the bill equally

<you know who you are>

Whatdoiknowanyway Sun 31-Mar-13 14:07:11

I've had the opposite. Many years ago as the only woman at work related meals out they always insisted that I order first, even though I was far and away the most junior. Previous meals people had ordered starters so I did and every single one of them then refused a starter and made me feel massively greedy for ordering one. Now THAT was rude.

Montybojangles Sun 31-Mar-13 14:08:58

Hate dessert, love a starter (often the best bit of the meal). Why should they miss their other course because you all fancy pudding?
Nibble some bread or olives if your hungry.

BackforGood Sun 31-Mar-13 14:09:38

Yup - YABU. It's not rude. Everyone should be able to choose what they want when they are treating themselves to a meal out, not be pressured by others.
tbh, if a bigger order goes in to the kitchen for several main meals, you probably wouldn't get your meal any quicker anyway. The food would be cooking, while the person is eating their starter (much more likely to be pre-made)

twentythirteen Sun 31-Mar-13 14:11:00

Its not good etiquette, but its not rude, IMO.

twentythirteen Sun 31-Mar-13 14:15:29

Sorry I'm just laughing about this now. Rude would be if they said, "well F* you b***h, I'm having a starter". I'm with the poster who prefers states to puddings, I often sit through a boring pudding course. To each their own!

5Foot5 Sun 31-Mar-13 14:24:45

Surprised no one has asked this alreacy, but did the one person know beforehand that they would be the only person eating starters. If he or she was asked their order first they might have assumed everyone else was going to have starters too and perhaps were a bit embarassed when it turned out they were the only ones.

I'm a two-starters-and-pudding type grin

I think it depends on the menu and the venue. If your starter could be an accompaniment (eg a tomato salad) then noticing that nobody else is having a starter and saying "oh please bring the starter with the mains" is considerate. But that doesn't work with soup or garlic mushrooms <vintage> or something.

Often though I don't want a starter because there's nothing on the menu I fancy enough (allergies limit choice) so I'm not going to order something just to push round the plate to keep someone else company.

I don't think it is rude precisely but in a group of totally considerate people it would just never be an issue.

Booyhoo Sun 31-Mar-13 14:40:19

"It is an exercise in self control to not order exactly what you want. "

i dont know about anyone else but when i go out for food it's a rare treat and i go to relax and enjoy good food. i dont go out to practise my self control. why the hell would i go out for lunch/dinner knowing i wasn't going to order what i wanted? confused

Machli Sun 31-Mar-13 14:43:12

Irritating but not rude imo.

Wishihadabs Sun 31-Mar-13 14:47:12

Well I go to social occasions including meals out to socialise and enjoy others ' company. If I go out with DH then I might just think f#$ k it I will order whatever the hell I like. However in a large group I would be sensti've to the others. That includes if people are on a diet/ trying not to spend too much/drink too much. I think that is just good manners and putting people at ease.

QuintEggSensuality Sun 31-Mar-13 14:47:44

Well if you were that hungry you should have jumped in and also ordered a starter.

Wishihadabs Sun 31-Mar-13 14:52:01

Incidentally this also includes choice of venue. Which frequently might not be my first choice, but if everyone else wants to go there then of corse I go along with it. Yes knowing I am unlikely to eat what I would choose given an entirely free choice.

Booyhoo Sun 31-Mar-13 14:54:07

people who are on a diet/trying not to spend too much/drink too much go out to a place that serves drink and food knowing that others will be eating infront of them. any of my friends would be mortified to think that i had held back on ordering what i wanted because they were dieting or watching their money. the whole point of going out to eat is to eat.

simplesusan Sun 31-Mar-13 14:58:02

I normally go with the majority. I don't usually have a starter and it doesn't bother me at all if anyone else does.
Likewise I usually have a coffee, I don't give it a second thought if anyone else has a coffee or not.

whois Sun 31-Mar-13 15:05:52

Not rude. Why should the person who wanted a starter have a desert instead just cos its what you wanted? Some people aren't into deserts.

If you were so hungry OP, you could have ordered a starter or ordered a side of bread or something.

I think it is a bit different actually at the start of the meal than at the end - I think you do want some sense of togetherness at the beginning. Later on it doesn't matter so much ? Perhaps would help if restaurants more generous with bread and olives etc. as on the continent/ elsewhere in the world rather than making this big deal about whether or not individuals are having starters.
But then I'm all for sharing food in general - much more friendly !
I guess some places are beginning to do more sharing platters - I think something like that is a perfect way to get things under way smile

Thumbwitch Sun 31-Mar-13 15:08:54

I think if it was a largeish group of people I wouldn't have elected to be the only one having a starter, that's for sure! I don't like being the cause of holding anyone else up for anything, including eating their meal.

But that's just me. Obviously this person wanted their starter, you had the choice to have a starter yourself if you were that hungry, you chose not to for other reasons (fair enough) but you can't blame the person who had the starter for your choices.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Sun 31-Mar-13 15:10:41

No, it's not rude and it gives everyone else a chance to sink another glass of wine if they are skipping that course.

musicposy Sun 31-Mar-13 15:15:46

I alwvays order a srarter even if I am the only one. I don't like deserts - there's never anything on the menu I fancy. A meal with only one course is a bit of a non event. I don't think my friends mind - after all, I have to sit around whilst they eat pudding so it's all fair.

DorcasDelIcatessen Sun 31-Mar-13 15:18:00

What is rude is someone loudly declaring they can't eat that much in a sneery manner then proceed to tuck in to everyones starters as if partaking in some cunting tapas-off. I know several people who do this. Just order some food you tight ass.

Jins Sun 31-Mar-13 15:18:55

Sharing food?


I hate that grin

Wishihadabs Sun 31-Mar-13 15:26:37

In certain situations ordering exactly what you want does put others in an awkward position. So when the bill comes, do you just split it or do they have to point out that you have had the three most expensive items on the menu and more alcohol than anyone else. (This has happened more than once). Most people want to be to just split the bill everyone having had a meal of roughly equivalent value. If one person either ostanteously order much more or less than everyone else it makes the whole process more fraught than it need be.

Booyhoo Sun 31-Mar-13 15:51:09

i wouldn't leave anyone in the position of having to point out to me what i ordered.

McNewPants2013 Sun 31-Mar-13 15:54:44

When I go out for a meal I always order starters, I think it is rude to comment on what people are ordering.

DumDum32 Sun 31-Mar-13 16:00:30

just have the starter.come out the sgame time the mains (crisis averted) & no it's not rude to order a started when others don't.

susiedaisy Sun 31-Mar-13 16:12:20

Rude? No, if I was starving I would also have a starter, if I wasn't then I would have no problem in waiting a while whilst the other person ate a starter, I tend to have starters rather than puddings then just a coffee at the end.

kim147 Sun 31-Mar-13 16:16:23

I wouldn't order a starter if no one else did - maybe there's a critical mass of people who want one so everyone gets one?

As for dessert - I suppose people have already had their main so it doesn't make too much difference as you have eaten.

It's hard though - more psychology involved and group dynamics. Fascinating area.

YellowandGreenandRedandBlue Sun 31-Mar-13 16:20:05

Er, no. It is a restaurant, the concept is that everyone gets to choose from a menu on an individual basis. At least, that is what I heard.

PollyEthelEileen Sun 31-Mar-13 16:25:11

Tricky one.

It's best if either everyone or no one orders a starter.

I'd lean to say that it is rude to not order a starter if everyone else wants to. A lot of people eat out rarely, so having a two or three course meals is something they might see as a a major treat.

OTOH, starters are ludicrously overpriced, so you can understand why many people would rather pass.

A solution is to go to a restaurant with Table D'Hote.

heronsfly Sun 31-Mar-13 16:37:31

On the subject of olives, one of my work colleagues and i like olives, we always order a large bowl and pay for them between us, apparently no one else likes them, yet as soon as they arrive everyone helps themselves and we are lucky to get one each, now that is rude.

Loulybelle Sun 31-Mar-13 16:44:33

Its not rude to order a starter, whats rude is when others try to steal some one they insisted on not having there own.

Wishihadabs Sun 31-Mar-13 16:54:58

I agree eating food you haven't ordered and is not designed for sharing is rude. God it's a minefield isn't it ?

SilverOldie Sun 31-Mar-13 16:56:57

YABU. Isn't eating out supposed to be enjoyable? If you want a starter, have a starter or not, up to you.

I really hate people who comment on what you're eating, e.g. omg are you going to eat all that! and it's usually the same people who try to steal food from my plate - they get their knuckles rapped with a knife grrr.

Wishihadabs Sun 31-Mar-13 16:58:38

Commenting is also very bad form IMO

Ullena Sun 31-Mar-13 17:11:56

I usually order a starter and a side dish, which I am happy for everyone to share. Just stay the hell away from my dessert! I don't actually order a main dish as I can't eat large amounts in one sitting, hence the sharing.

gotthemoononastick Sun 31-Mar-13 19:34:09

I usually tell the waiter to bring me a starter when others' main courses arrive and have never had a problem...small old ex- ballerina appetite.

Ashoething Sun 31-Mar-13 19:41:39

No its not rude-just have a bloody starter! Pisses me off when I go out with friends and they unilaterally decide that we are not having a starter.

Happened a couple of weeks ago and I really wanted a bloody starter! Usually I will just order starter,main and dessert-I like my grub and don't care who knows it but on this occasion there had already been tensions over meal so I didn't rock the boat.

Emilythornesbff Sun 31-Mar-13 20:34:31

Group dining can be a social minefield.
Timing issues and bill splitting both bring the main problem areas.
Work dos are the worst for this IMO.

I think if you're going out to eat in a group you just have to chill outand go with the flow. It's not rude to order a starter or dessert, because those not partaking should be able to sit and chat / enjoy their drinks/ nibble some bread.

I don't do either of these things (chill outer go with the flow) as I'm not drinking (breastfeeding). Watching my dining companions get merry envy and sharing their fucking wine bill while staying stone cold sober after drinking fucking tap water makes me an irritable bitch. grin
So i'dsay everything about communal dining is rude!

(bitter much?)

MoominmammasHandbag Sun 31-Mar-13 20:46:51

Wow, I have just had a bit of a lightbulb moment. I bloody love good food but I'm 5 foot 2, weigh about 8 stone and I just physically can't eat a starter, main and pudding.
But two starters and a pudding! Why have I never ordered this before? smile

Emilythornesbff Sun 31-Mar-13 20:54:59

I don't "get" starters though.

Two savoury courses. It seems like eating lunch and then straight away having supper. confused

MummytoKatie Sun 31-Mar-13 21:34:53

If left to myself I would generally have main course and pudding. (Or starter, main and pud if portion sizes are small / I'm feeling greedy.) Personally I would never order a starter or a pudding if I was e only one in a big group. If I want to eat exactly what I want I go out with dh - when with others it is more about the company than the food anyway.

But we generally have a "starters or not" debate and if the answer is yes I will always order bread & ovlives / bread and hummus / garlic bread even if I don't fancy a "proper" starter.

But generally when I go out with friends we all know and consider each others likes and dislikes anyway. So, for example, I don't like curry so generally they avoid curry places or go for one that has an "English menu" and I have chicken and chips. But occassionally they do fancy an authentic Indian restaurant in which case I come too, we try and find me something mild and if that fails I cheerily eat poppadoms and rice and focus on the fact that I'm having fun with my lovely friends.

MidniteScribbler Sun 31-Mar-13 22:39:33

I'd be seriously pissed off if someone expected the restaurant to bring my starter and main course at the same time because they were too impatient to wait ten minutes. I like my food hot, not sitting congealing on the side while I eat my other course. If you're a grown adult, you can sit and wait, order a starter yourself, or just STFU.

Callycat Sun 31-Mar-13 23:53:12

Debrett's says it's
rude, if that helps grin

Iactuallydothinkso Mon 01-Apr-13 17:18:11

Gosh midnight! Stfu? Get off the fence eh? The splinters must be chafing your arse!

I would be considerate enough to not order the only starters and make others wait for their meal. I guess however it is pretty much only me bar a few on this thread who think it is. I can cope with that. I'm clearly in the minority. Fine. Ill attempt to adjust my thinking on it or at least try hard not to think someone else doing it is inconsiderate.

What is rude is being told to shut the fuck up because I've dared to have one opinion and it clearly differs to yours.

Everybody else managed to give their different opinion without being quite so rude.

DreamingOfTheMaldives Mon 01-Apr-13 17:50:37

Why on earth should someone miss out on a starter because others don't want one. When I go out I generally prefer a starter to a pud and my DH never eats pud - why should he or I miss out because other people have more of a sweet tooth and would prefer pudding.

If you were that hungry OP you should have had a starter!

No. I think it is rude not to order a starter and then order a pudding. grrrrr.

If you are hungry get some olives. Don't make someone who had been looking forward to a meal out miss out on the highlight.

Meglet Mon 01-Apr-13 18:01:07


I'm wouldn't follow everyone else and miss a starter! When I go out it's starter, main and pud regardless of what everyone else does I'm not going to miss out just because others don't have an appetite.

If you have a starter, you are not making people wait. They have the option of ordering a starter, bread, olives, whatever too.

If they don't want to then obviously they're not THAT hungry after all and should stop whining.

middleeasternpromise Mon 01-Apr-13 18:18:45

I hate eating out with groups where there are all these secret rules - if its lunch and everyone is pushed for time I can see that someone ordering a starter might be viewed as a bit selfish. But having a meal together really should be a socially enjoyable experience with everyone being able to have what they want and no one getting in a fuss because they feel the behaviour of some is offensive when there was probably no way they intended it.

ifancyashandy Mon 01-Apr-13 18:19:24

If I didn't order a starter (rare!), it would occur to me to feel slighted or irritated by those who did. Therefore, it wouldn't occur to me that my ordering a starter whilst they did not could be seen as rude.

I'm very glad my friends are lovely. And couldn't give a monkeys about such things. And I know Lords and everything grin!

ifancyashandy Mon 01-Apr-13 18:20:11

Arrgghh *it wouldn't occur to me...

I would probably pity the people that didn't order a starter tbh. I'd think 'what a shame they're not hungry enough to enjoy the best part of the meal and are going to miss out'.

I would NEVER think 'gosh, I'm making hungry people wait!'? wtf? hungry people order starters. That's what they're for.

Sianilaa Mon 01-Apr-13 18:27:09

YABU it's not rude... That's what you do when you go out isn't it? The idea is to chat and spend time lingering over your food, make an evening of it? Not to shovel it down as quickly as you can because you're starving? It wouldn't occur to me that it was rude and if we were starving hungry we'd either order a starter too or get some bread etc.

Gobbolinothewitchscat Mon 01-Apr-13 18:28:40

I never really thought about this til I met my 6 foot 6 DH. He's normally pretty hungry at meals and would like a starter. I have no probs not having one and sitting whilst he eats his - as starlight said, if I was hungry, I'd order one too!

Meglet Mon 01-Apr-13 18:50:56

I always order 3 courses, although I don't finish every last scrap of them.

TiggyD Mon 01-Apr-13 19:06:07

It's rude not to order a starter.

And always ask for 2 forks. One to eat with and one to stab anybody who tries to pinch a bit of yours.

ChocsandChipsandSealingWax Mon 01-Apr-13 20:04:38

I love starters. I don't order one if no-one else is, but then always cross we haven't had them and it slightly ruins the meal for me. I agree that for me the pleasure is in lingering and chatting over the food, so I prefer to take my time. I don't normally have pudding, but always expect that someone on the table will, and never think it's rude of them to have one even though I'm not.

Meals out with MIL were always a bit annoying for me initially, as she doesn't have starters - saves herself for the pudding (and also her DH makes rude comments about how she shouldn't eat all that, she'll get fat sad but that's another story) But now than we know that's how we are, I have the starter, she the pud and we are both happy!

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