teens when they dont want to do what you do!!

(42 Posts)
happygolucky0 Sun 31-Mar-13 09:48:24

I brought Merlin passes for myself and my son last year. We used them last Easter and not again since. I wanted to get some more use out of them before they expire on the 8th April. I now have 3 days off and was thinking of staying in London with ds for a couple of nights. However he doesn't want to go.
Ds in 15 and a half.
A friend says leave him and go anyway. I am a lone parent so it would mean me going alone and him staying here alone. I don't really want to stay in doors for the next 3 days while he sits in front of screens.
I see there is 3 options stay home. Go and tell him he has to come (then maybe put up with him being stroppy). Or go for the day or two and leave overnight. I live abit far to just go for the day.
Ideas please?

Euphemia Sun 31-Mar-13 10:00:41

Is there something you could do locally one day, London the next day, leave him home the day after and do something by yourself?

Could he bring a pal along?

happygolucky0 Sun 31-Mar-13 10:21:59

Thanks for your reply. I would be quite expensive to take a friend. I was thinking of doing London Eye, Sea life and Madame T day one then Thorpe Park or Chessington day two. The only friend he would want to take would be his girlfriend which I would then have to get an extra room.
Good idea on doing something local today. Do you mean taking him on day two to London?

comfysofas Sun 31-Mar-13 10:51:49

Did you not discuss with him before you bought the passes what he would be interested in?

Euphemia Sun 31-Mar-13 10:53:33

Yes, London day two. Not overnight.

CuppaTea83 Sun 31-Mar-13 11:04:57

Hmm, I would insist on him going with me.

But then, mine aren't teens yet! grin

I can't imagine turning down a fun day out, even as a teen! shock

happygolucky0 Sun 31-Mar-13 11:18:43

He was very keen for me to buy them a year ago. He wants to go to Alton Towers instead of London but it is too far and will cost loads in fuel. Don't know if not going to London is a kind of I can't have my own way so you cant have yours statement.

Floralnomad Sun 31-Mar-13 11:28:38

I can understand why a boy of that age doesn't want to do the things you're suggesting in London ! Surely the cost of the fuel to Alton Towers would be less than a hotel for a London stay? I have a son (20) and it was about 14/15 when he became very picky about what he would or wouldn't come to ,its normal . BTW Madame Tussaauds is rubbish at any age .

wibblyjelly Sun 31-Mar-13 11:29:34

Not sure if it will help, but I think with a merlin pass, anyone extra you bring gets a discount as well. Will that helping he wants to bring someone with you?

livinginwonderland Sun 31-Mar-13 11:33:43

to be honest, i don't blame him for not wanting to go to madame tussauds or the london eye, and aside from the penguins, sea life in london is really overrated. i wouldn't have wanted to do those things at fifteen.

orangeandlemons Sun 31-Mar-13 11:36:06

I wouldn't either. Teens like to lurk in their rooms doing teen stuff at holiday time...or revising for Gcse's. < hollow laugh as don't recollect ds doing much revision>

CuppaTea83 Sun 31-Mar-13 11:36:10

shock
I think I was obviously very easily pleased as a teenager. grin

happygolucky0 Sun 31-Mar-13 11:44:12

It is just a long drive 4 to 5 hours each way to Alton Towers around £80 in fuel. Too much for a day or even two days. I have fibromyalgia so wouldn't cope with that drive on top of walking around a park in a day or two.
I was never offered days out like that as a teenager I was at work!! Would of been nice. Anyway we live and learn, wont be buying him another pass.

A1980 Sun 31-Mar-13 11:50:48

Make him go. if he wants to go to alton towers then he will enjoy Thorpe park....

moonabove Sun 31-Mar-13 11:52:06

That's the trouble cuppatea, that's what catches parents of teens out - you think something's a fun idea and just the sort of thing they used to love but they have gone past all that.

It's difficult to adjust, in fact it's a constant process of adjustment! Still you'll find all that out in time...(evil grin)

Could you still go to Thorpe park/Chessington OP? It's important to keep doing something together I think, however much you have to compromise.

greenfolder Sun 31-Mar-13 11:54:01

My dd was about the same age when we let her stay at home for the weekend alone.

happygolucky0 Sun 31-Mar-13 12:21:52

ok I am going to work on Chessington or Thorpe for tomorrow thanks all

IloveJudgeJudy Sun 31-Mar-13 12:23:33

I think you should make him go! We have three teens and I would make them. I would sit him down and explain that you got the passes because he asked you to and you would like to spend some fun time with him, just the two of you. I'm sure once you got to wherever, you would both have fun. He doesn't get to decide everything he does. No-one gets to decide everything. There are duty calls on everyone's time.

lljkk Sun 31-Mar-13 12:24:33

I feel your pain, OP. I have so BTDT.

DH has unexpected 2 weeks off for Easter & we were saying we could literally jet away somewhere, into the Sun (the SUN!!), but can't bear the fact DC would just moan the whole time we were away.

Planning a big trip next year to see extended family, various adventures (DC all claim to be super enthusiastic, right NOW), & bracing myself for 3 weeks of whinging while actually there.

This is part of why we never go on hols.

A day in London with a friend and doing less of the expensive stuff would be better. In fact, you could dump them for a couple of hours somewhere and do something yourself, and then meet up for a late lunch maybe?

I deffo wouldn't leave him alone but can understand why he's not terribly excited about a London trip with just his mum, and I don't know any teens who'd be excited by the Sea Life Centre tbh, sorry.

CuppaTea83 Sun 31-Mar-13 12:28:48

Can I just ask those with kids who hate going on these days out/ foreign holidays etc, have they had the good fortune to go on days out and holiday many times throughout their childhood?

I wonder if it's because I very rarely (mainly financial constraints) went anywhere and never went abroad as a kid. So I would have been very grateful for it.

Floralnomad Sun 31-Mar-13 12:44:07

I think Thorpe Park is way better for that age group , actually better than Alton Towers ,Chessington is more for children . cuppa I must admit my children had Merlin Passes from a very young age and from being big enough to sit up were regulars at all the theme parks . Infact my mum blames my sons partial deafness on me taking him on roller coasters as a toddler ! ( that's rubbish BTW) . We've always done Disneyland Paris a few times a year as well as Florida a few times . By the time my son was 14 he was pretty much theme parked out IYSWIM . We also live fairly close to London so going there is no biggie either .

onefewernow Sun 31-Mar-13 12:54:29

Bless him.

Mine like to sit in the house, play Xbox, talk to their mates, laugh hysterically late at night with each other in the kitchen.

They hate to go anywhere as a family.

It's just teens, and girlfriends definitely add to it, because of course you can't compete with that sort of fun and quite right too.

We live in the country , which they profess to hate. But given a choice of a week anywhere expensive and exciting or a day in a field with other teens, preferably of both sexes, and that, which do you think they prefer?

moonabove Sun 31-Mar-13 12:58:45

No cuppa my ds (13) hasn't been on a lot of holidays at all due to constant lack of funds - mostly caravan/camping hols in the uk which, when he was younger he enjoyed a lot.

Last year we went camping and he was just completely at a loose end, felt awkward and out of sorts the whole time. I was torn between being annoyed with him for spoiling the holiday and being sympathetic for the fact that he clearly wasn't doing it on purpose. This year we aren't going to bother going anywhere in summer and I am trying to save to go to the USA next year - now that he will enjoy!

lljkk Sun 31-Mar-13 13:17:52

have they had the good fortune to go on days out and holiday many times throughout their childhood?

How do you define "many times"?

happygolucky0 Sun 31-Mar-13 14:34:57

still not getting anywhere so am going give up. Says he just wants to chill. Gosh this teen thing is hard work sometimes. I don't want to put a spanner in the works moonabove but ds still managed to be moody at Disney in the States last year! I can remember saying this is meant to be the happiest place on earth and you are grumpy!
Think I am going to plan a girls holiday with the pennies instead.

Gossipmonster Sun 31-Mar-13 14:38:20

I would go to Thorpe Park not Chessington - Chessington is shit for teens.

inchoccyheaven Sun 31-Mar-13 14:46:14

My dc are 10 and 12 and never want to go anywhere! They much rather hang around at home on ps3 or at their mates.
We have only been abroad once 6 years ago to see my Dad who lives abroad and haven't been taken on loads of trips when younger. Think they just take after me as I am a home body too.

moonabove Sun 31-Mar-13 14:49:02

Don't say that happy! Not that I was planning to go to Disneyland...more of a road trip and visit family etc. I'm pretty sure ds will love it since he's never been anywhere more exotic than Cornwall. grin

I do think teens have a big issue with forced jollity and social niceties and so forth - sometimes you just have to get past that and realise that, in their own peculiar way, they are actually enjoying themselves. If he really just wants to chill then let it be.

FreyaSnow Sun 31-Mar-13 14:49:45

I hadn't realised teens wouldn't want to go to theme parks. Maybe it is a thing of some of them having been many times. DS's main reason for passing exams is to get a good job so he has the money to go to Disneyland and Comic Con. And both my teens want to borrow a toddler so they can to the kids' activities that they're now too old for.

happygolucky0 Sun 31-Mar-13 14:51:28

Still not getting anywhere so am going give up. Says he just wants to chill, which yes I get but he has the other 12 days to chill when I will be at work. Gosh this teen thing is hard work sometimes. I don't want to put a spanner in the works moonabove but ds still managed to be moody at Disney in the States last year! I can remember saying this is meant to be the happiest place on earth and you are grumpy!
Think I am going to plan a girls holiday (and get family to have him) with the pennies instead it is sounding better by the minute !!!!

Startail Sun 31-Mar-13 15:07:20

I have a 15y DD she wouldn't think of passing on a trip to London.

Tell him from me qa he is a spoilt brat, he comes with you and be is nice and polite for the entire trip.

Startail Sun 31-Mar-13 15:08:59

and I can't see what I am typing,there is actual sun on my screen.

Mrsrobertduvall Sun 31-Mar-13 15:12:05

He probably does want to go theme parks, just with friends, not with you.

I have never taken mine to theme parks, Legoland or Disney...we don't really do holidays anymore. But mine don't sit in front of consoles or tv..they meet friends, play sport or do theatre.

livinginwonderland Sun 31-Mar-13 15:17:39

the problem is, he would probably rather go with his mates or his girlfriend. no offence OP, but i don't know many 15 year old boys who would go to a theme park for the day with their mum. i think if a group of his mates were going, he'd be begging you to give him the money, but at at that age (for boys especially, i think), a day-trip out with mummy to the theme park seems a bit...sad.

simplesusan Sun 31-Mar-13 15:20:31

Just a thought but if you did do Alton Towers, which my teenagers love, I am sure there is a travel lodge a few miles away. We drove past it on our way home. I think it was a Travel lodge if not it was Premier Inn. Could you book in there, much cheaper than The hotel at Alton Towers.

onefewernow Sun 31-Mar-13 16:45:43

Probably a good call.

They do have family tone, don't they, but just when you don't plan it? Eg staying downstairs to watch a programme, a laugh over dinner, in the car, that sort of thing.

My older daughter - 25, nearly 26- went though a phase of wanting friends only, then wanting me to go everywhere with her ( especially shopping with a cheque book), then when she went to Uni she key coming home and missing us the first term or two.

After that we hardly saw her. Then when she stats a new job or has a problem or a boyfriend split I am desperately necessary. Right now she is happy and settled in a good job and with a partner who has been around a year, and we only speak weekly when I call her!

C'est la vie. When she has kids- if- I expect it will all change again.

onefewernow Sun 31-Mar-13 16:46:07

Time not tone!

ImperialBlether Sun 31-Mar-13 17:37:23

I feel for you, OP. It's really hard living with teens at times - you have to be there so that they don't have too much fun or burn the house down, but really all they want is either to be on their own or with their mates. It's particularly hard if they used to be really happy to spend time with you.

Having said that, I think I would try to get a day out with a friend. You'll feel much better for it.

A1980 Sun 31-Mar-13 20:25:59

I agree Cuppatea when I was a child going out and being offered a trip to any of those places Would've been incredible day out for me. We could hardly afford anything.

Turning his nose up at a night in London a trip on the London eye and a theme park....!

It makes me laugh when my colleagues come back and say they struggle every year to find a holiday the kids enjoy and will usually hate it. I suggested they tell their kids they spent a lot of money on that holiday for them and they'll get nothing next year if they don't even try to like it...they said you can't do that...why not!

Surely its common decency to say thank you even if you hate it.

ImperialBlether Mon 01-Apr-13 01:00:20

But, A1980, no 15 year old boy wants to go to a theme park with his mum. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with his mum or with him, it's just that when you're 15 you want to do that sort of thing, if at all, with your friends.

It's a really hard lesson when you're a single mum in particular to learn that your child would actually rather be with other people than with you. It's awful to learn, but the OP needs to face it. If she continued to push for that sort of trip together, the result would be that he'd move away from her (figuratively.)

I don't think it helps us thinking what life was like back in the day when we were lucky to have a holiday. We didn't have the distractions that they have now, so we were happier to leave the house. We also had a different relationship - more formal, I think - with our parents. Parents didn't believe in being your friend, so you didn't feel free to tell them you were bored with a holiday. I certainly spent holidays being bored, though, and so did my friends. We just didn't say anything to our parents about it.

AnyoneforTurps Mon 01-Apr-13 03:01:37

If you asked him about the passes a year ago, I'm not surprised he has changed his mind. Not many teens could accurately predict what they want to do in 12 months; they change so quickly.

I was a very unrebellious teenager, but there is no way I'd have wanted to do these activities with my DM at 15 though that's partly because she's a PITA even now wink.

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