To tell dh I'd rather he didn't go out tonight

(327 Posts)
orderinformation Sat 30-Mar-13 21:49:57

Got home at 9.00pm as been visiting family. Both kids fell asleep in car and we carried them up to bed. I said I'm also going to bed as bad night last night with both kids waking and also clocks change tonight so we lose an hour.

Anyway ten mins ago he says in that case would I mind if he goes out.

I said I do mind because:

- I will not sleep properly until he's safely home which if he's going now means after midnight at least thus negating the early night

- I do night wakings as he is very heavy sleeper and never wakes so I would end up waking him up to do it and we'd both be knackered so instead he takes dc downstairs at 7am and I catch up for hour or two. Partic need this at moment as dc2 is three months. But if dh not home until late either he does this still but spends tomorrow knackered. Which you might say is not my problem but it is if it ruins our family Easter day or he needs afternoon sleep. Or I don't get my lie in catch up which is fine if tonight is ok but not if it's another bad one.

So I said in all honesty because I am so tired I'd prefer him not to and he said ok but is now downstairs sulking and I am upstairs feeling bad though am bf and then going to sleep and at least won't be lying here awake until he's safely home.


hwjm1945 Sat 30-Mar-13 21:52:23

Am surprised he has the energy to go out.with little ones it is a case of batten down the hatches and help each other with I donut think ubu

Sorry but YABU
You need to get over not being able to sleep until he's home, it's pretty controlling. You're a grown woman.

GirlOutNumbered Sat 30-Mar-13 21:54:33

Why can't you sleep while he's out? What do you think will happen? It seems a shame he just has to sit in while you are asleep upstairs!

OHforDUCKScake Sat 30-Mar-13 21:57:28


Numberlock Sat 30-Mar-13 21:59:15

It's a rare 4 day weekend, surely he can have 1 night out? Don't understand at all.

tinkertitonk Sat 30-Mar-13 22:00:21


Puddlelane Sat 30-Mar-13 22:01:52

I'm in your shoes right now and I don't think you are being unreasonable

500internalerror Sat 30-Mar-13 22:02:10

Err, did you not sleep at all in your life until you met him then? confused If you're tired, it's the perfect night for him to go out, as you wouldn't be staying awake with him anyway.

WorraLiberty Sat 30-Mar-13 22:02:35


It's not really his problem if you can't sleep properly until he gets home.

As long as he gets up with the DC in the morning, I dont' know why you're imposing a restriction on him?

AnOeufUniversallyEggnowledged Sat 30-Mar-13 22:02:49

Hmmm. Tricky one. I think you know YABU, but I feel similarly to you when DH goes out and I'm knackered. I don't sleep properly until he's home (possibly as I feel I'm 'on duty' or something? It's not about being 'controlling' hmm)

Our compromise is that if he goes out he still gets up with DS in the morning, takes him downstairs, sticks telly on, snoozes on sofa, etc, so that I can get my lie in, then later in the day when he needs a rest I'll take DS to soft play or to my mum's so that DH can chill out. He's pretty good though, he knows that a hangover is not an excuse for being grumpy! Would something like that work for you?

Nirvana1999 Sat 30-Mar-13 22:03:30

I expect there is probably more to it. I don't see the problem tbh.

LaQueen Sat 30-Mar-13 22:03:35

Don't get this. So, he has to sit downstairs for the rest of the evening, while you go to bed now, and go to sleep hmm

Seems a bit pointless and unfair to me.

hwjm1945 Sat 30-Mar-13 22:05:12

Out of interest where would he go?

pictish Sat 30-Mar-13 22:05:56

Going on your reason, yabu.
The fact that you can't sleep till he gets in is your issue....and it's up to him if he wants to be knackered tomorrow isn't it?

MySpecialistSubjectIsMN Sat 30-Mar-13 22:07:02

If I was your husband I'd be mightily unimpressed at sitting downstairs alone, while you were asleep upstairs.

Could you really not sleep if he went down the pub for an hour or two? I age that if you've still got waking babes during the night that he shouldn't go out and get steaming drunk, but going out for a couple shouldn't be a problem? Doesn't sound like he was going to turn it into a heavy night.

RatPants Sat 30-Mar-13 22:09:31

Yeah sorry but YABU from me too.

You were going to bed anyway so he'd only be sitting up by himself. I know you appreciate the help but a few hours won't hurt. You need your sleep now more than ever so you need to tackle the not being able to sleep without him thing if possible.

Bluelightsandsirens Sat 30-Mar-13 22:11:27

Sorry yabu, if you are going straight to sleep he should be able to out if he wants to as long as still does his share in the morning.

Or is it because you don't trust him to go out for a few hours and come home in a reasonable state so he can then have Easter Sunday with a normal routine?

Lack of sleep is dreadful and your baby is still small so I'm assuming that is why you are being sensitive over being home alone rather than controlling.

ruledbyheart Sat 30-Mar-13 22:12:26

I can see your point and YANBU
If your dp goes out he will be tired and cranky tomorrow so why should he be allowed to ruin easter Sunday, and also I can't sleep without my DP either, mines out of habit and its a strange feeling having an empty bed, he now works evenings and sometimes doesn't get back until 1am I sleep without him but not fully, plus who wants to be disturbed by their partner coming to bed late at night?

AgentZigzag Sat 30-Mar-13 22:13:02

As terrible as it is to not get enough kip in, it does sound unreasonable to not 'allow' him to go out.

I know he asked and you gave him your honest opinion, but the reasons are scraping the barrel a bit.

BoringTheBuilder Sat 30-Mar-13 22:14:30

But Why can't he drink at home watching TV
Some people go to the pub and start enjoying themselves, forget about the time, spend too much, drink too much, come home smelling and is useless following day
I am with OP. Stay at home with your family. Wake up fresh.

AgentZigzag Sat 30-Mar-13 22:14:49

Is the risk of him 'ruining Easter Sunday' overhyping how most people feel about The Day? grin

RevoltingPeasant Sat 30-Mar-13 22:16:23

I'm with Universally Egg'd - you need to specify that he can do whatever he wants as long as he gets up tomorrow with DC.

DH went for a rare big piss-up with mates the other night. I said it would be nice if he could be up between 12 and 1 so the day wasn't lost. Can't you make a similar arrangement?

In my case I enforced it by sitting on him until he got up waking him gently at 1pm.

BoringTheBuilder Sat 30-Mar-13 22:18:34

But why should OP stay at home alone in charge of the kids and worried about having another bad night and her husband can go to the pub and enjoy himself?

RatPants Sat 30-Mar-13 22:19:19

Who wants to drink alone on front of the tv? Surely you go out to socialise rather than just drink although obviously drinking is a part of that for a lot of people. His family are all in bed asleep.

MomaP Sat 30-Mar-13 22:19:51

YABU. My DH has gone out on the piss with a few friends. Screw worrying about his drunk ass and missing my sleep. He's a big boy, I'm sure he can look after himself, just the same with you - you're a big girl.


RatPants Sat 30-Mar-13 22:19:56

If he said he was going to bed and you wanted to go to the pub would it be a problem op?

WorraLiberty Sat 30-Mar-13 22:20:10

Why does going out for a drink, automatically mean he's going to be tired and cranky tomorrow?

I can stay out til the early hours and not be tired or cranky the next day at all.

Yabu for all the reasons stated. UNLESS he has form for not being able to go out for a couple and getting so pissed tomorrow would be ruined. Can't you talk to him and make it clear that if he goes out he must still get up in the morning with the kids and not let his hangover spoil the day?

pictish Sat 30-Mar-13 22:20:27

Why not?

pictish Sat 30-Mar-13 22:21:02

Sorry that was to boring.

Zatopek Sat 30-Mar-13 22:21:29

On the night's my DP goes out (usually once a week), I ask him to go out after the bedtime routine but once at least one is in bed (preferably two), he is free to go out.

What I don't like is the fact I am always up with two DC from 6 (and one of them still wakes in the night 2-3 times). I usually wake DP at 9 with a cuppa but sometimes there's a lot of lounging on the sofa the next day so I must admit I sometimes resent the goings out for what happens the next day.

But if your DH is going to be business as usual the next day and your children are both asleep- You are pronably being U.

AgentZigzag Sat 30-Mar-13 22:24:54

I know the DP has responsibilities as a DP and as a Dad, but some posts are talking as though he's a teenager, putting good behaviour clauses into him being allowed out.

nars Sat 30-Mar-13 22:27:26

blardy hell if my dp said he wanted to go out alone on a sat night without me i would start worrying!

nars Sat 30-Mar-13 22:27:56

jeez is he 17?

pictish Sat 30-Mar-13 22:28:02

Why nars?

BoringTheBuilder Sat 30-Mar-13 22:28:57

pictish, because he could wake up to see the children during the night because OP had a bad night last night?
because it is a family day for them tomorrow?
because he can drink at home saving him time and money?
because they are supposed to be a team?

my husband drinks alone in the sitting room watching tv or playing in his ipad.
he does go to the pub too sometimes, but I prefer when he stays at home tbh

but why should OP stay at home alone in charge of the kids and worried about having another bad night and her husband can go to the pub and enjoy himself?

For the very simple reason that the op wants to go to bed. And her dh wants to go to the pub. She is not being forced to look after the kids so her husband can paint the town red. Imho she is being very dog in the manger about this although having suffered the sleep deprivation that 2 small children brings I do sympathise with how she is feeling even though I think she is being unreasonable.

SminkoPinko Sat 30-Mar-13 22:29:32

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

pictish Sat 30-Mar-13 22:33:49

Yes he could...and I'm sure he will, on many other occasions. Just not this one.

Family day...and? That's tomorrow.

He can drink at home and save money? Whoop whoop! Sounds fun. Who needs conversation?

He's also an individual.

StuntGirl Sat 30-Mar-13 22:34:14

Unnecessary pinko.

BoringTheBuilder Sat 30-Mar-13 22:34:31

I know the question isn't for me Sminko, but if OP is like me o leaves in a similar place where I leave, coming home after certain hours in the night is dangerous. My H was mugged a few times and had lucky scape. Some of the times he hadn't being drinking. One of his friends got blind on one eye just for being at the wrong place in a wrong time (bus stop, after work. going back home) when a gang fight broke out. Other was stabbed on the neck over nothing, someone stabbed him for fun.

nars Sat 30-Mar-13 22:34:33

because it wouldn't occur to my dp to shoot off up the pub (or wherever) on a sat night alone. it's a bit weird imo

sminko that is an incredibly offensive post? did you mean to sound so rude?

pictish Sat 30-Mar-13 22:35:18

Weird how?

BoringTheBuilder Sat 30-Mar-13 22:35:44

not leaves, LIVES

SminkoPinko Sat 30-Mar-13 22:35:58

It's a serious question. I was wondering about anxiety or depression.

HotCrossPun Sat 30-Mar-13 22:36:16

SminkoPinko OP not being able to sleep properly until her DH is home doesn't mean she has a mental illness. Where is the link?

SminkoPinko Sat 30-Mar-13 22:38:02

Why is it offensive? Having a mental illness is very common and might explain why someone lies awake worrying about someone who has popped to the pub, ordinarily not a worrying occurance.

nars Sat 30-Mar-13 22:39:02

weird as I would worry if my dp wanted to go off alone on a sat night, blokes going out on a sat night is a pretty alien thing to me, my dad wouldn't do it my dp wouldn't either - would be a bit offended if he wanted to quite frankly!

pictish Sat 30-Mar-13 22:39:27

Offended why?

Whoknowswhocares Sat 30-Mar-13 22:40:16

Being honest, it would never occur to me to stay up worrying because a grown man had gone out. Presumably he managed before you got together? What help is worrying about something you have no control over going to achieve?
As long as he does his agreed share of the childcare tomorrow and not leaving you to pick up his slack,I don't think you have any right to stop I'm going out. He is a grown man and has the right to choose for himself! Yabu

nars Sat 30-Mar-13 22:40:37

because he wouldn't want to spend sat night with me! though maybe i have a weird relationship where we like to be together and not go out on the piss alone wink

MomaP Sat 30-Mar-13 22:41:15

Pinko. Shes simply wondering if she's being unreasonable. There is absolutely no need to ask such personal, insensitive Q. Pipe down.

nars Sat 30-Mar-13 22:41:50

blimey i must live in some weird alternate universe

pictish Sat 30-Mar-13 22:42:31

I went out last night sans dh. Do I unwittingly dislike him, pray tell? I'm worried now!

BoringTheBuilder Sat 30-Mar-13 22:42:36

i know what you mean nars. Even if one is sleeping and the other is alone watching TV, still feels like together.

pictish Sat 30-Mar-13 22:43:39

Ahhh I see! You jest with us! Very good very good. wink

Whoknowswhocares Sat 30-Mar-13 22:44:00

But surely as the OP has already stated she is going to bed, he won't be spending sat night with her anyway.
He will be sitting on his own in the lounge

nars Sat 30-Mar-13 22:45:06

what?? confused

LaQueen Sat 30-Mar-13 22:45:45

Anyone else feel sorry for the DH, sat there alone, watching Saturday night TV, with a can of tepid Stella in one hand and a packet of McCoys in the other... sad

BoringTheBuilder Sat 30-Mar-13 22:46:31

And what is wrong with sitting on his own in the lounge? does he loathe his own company so much that he must have a pub mate and a pint JUST because it is Saturday night?

pictish Sat 30-Mar-13 22:47:11

i know what you mean nars. Even if one is sleeping and the other is alone watching TV, still feels like together.

This is having a laugh, surely?

BoringTheBuilder Sat 30-Mar-13 22:47:26

I don't feel sorry for the DH and I envisage him quite content and enjoying himself

nars Sat 30-Mar-13 22:47:45

lol oh how sad for him to be sitting in the lounge alone. maybe he could spend some time with the op and see things from her side!

wow mn really is very strange these days

BoringTheBuilder Sat 30-Mar-13 22:47:49

No, not having a laugh.

pictish Sat 30-Mar-13 22:48:23


LaQueen Sat 30-Mar-13 22:48:27

I dunno Boring I just assume he has friends, and he enjoys their compnay from time to time, yes?

You know, like people tend to do with their friends hmm

BoringTheBuilder Sat 30-Mar-13 22:49:10

How sad for the Dh...he must be entertained, otherwise whinges: it is boring....

RatPants Sat 30-Mar-13 22:49:24

Do you honestly not have social lives outside of your relationship? My female friends are a big part of my life, have been since school and it wouldn't occur to me to invite my dh out on one of our nights out unless it was a taking partners kind of do. Similarly I don't tag along to the rugby or whatever, I have no interest so am happy to stay at home with the children on those nights. It's just what we have always done.

WorraLiberty Sat 30-Mar-13 22:49:33

And what is wrong with sitting on his own in the lounge? does he loathe his own company so much that he must have a pub mate and a pint JUST because it is Saturday night?

Oh now come on

Don't you think that's just a little OTT?

Are you saying people who want to pop out for a drink on a Saturday night rather than stay in alone (which is effectively what he is doing) loathe their own company?


LaQueen Sat 30-Mar-13 22:49:40

I think the DH is trying to liven up his Saturday night, by balancing his pint glass on his knees and flipping crisps into his mouth...

ladymariner Sat 30-Mar-13 22:50:03

Wondering if it's really husbands that are being discussed here or children?

WorraLiberty Sat 30-Mar-13 22:50:18

lol oh how sad for him to be sitting in the lounge alone. maybe he could spend some time with the op and see things from her side!

Like the inside of her eyelids?

BoringTheBuilder Sat 30-Mar-13 22:50:46

OP didn't mention friends, and he decided to go last minute
It does sounds he is bored the poor lamb

LaQueen Sat 30-Mar-13 22:50:51

grin at worra

MomaP Sat 30-Mar-13 22:51:21

How can he spend time with her if shes going to bed? Poor bugger has to sit downstairs on his lonesome like a grounded teenager. wine

pictish Sat 30-Mar-13 22:51:32

You guys are kinda scary! confused

LaQueen Sat 30-Mar-13 22:51:34

I love the very bones of my DH...but watching him sleep...not the most exciting past time, I must admit.

ladymariner Sat 30-Mar-13 22:51:34

Controlling much........

Whoknowswhocares Sat 30-Mar-13 22:51:44

I dare say the lounge is a perfectly pleasant place and he indeed spend many a happy evening there.
But why should a grown man be dictated to about when and where he can go when it does not impact on his sleeping partner? What gives any partner the right to dictate to the other?
Would the same answers be given if the genders were reversed? I doubt it.

AgentZigzag Sat 30-Mar-13 22:51:49

Because scrabbling around for weak reasons as to why your DH should do as he's told could be described as controlling Boring.

I don't like people generally wouldn't say I'm a very sociable person, but I believe some find other peoples company on a weekend evening quite stimulating and enjoyable.

How does him wanting to go out for a pint equal him loathing himself?

nars Sat 30-Mar-13 22:51:52

lol i would worry if my dp preferred to spend sat night with his friends rather than his family but then again his life doesn't revolve around the local pub thankfully

op has said her dc2 is 3 months old am sorry but i think she needs some tlc and understanding from her dh at this time.

BoringTheBuilder Sat 30-Mar-13 22:52:41

Well, sorry for having an opinion and for my opinion being different to yours
I thought I was allowed?

SminkoPinko Sat 30-Mar-13 22:53:17

Sorry if I sounded abrupt but sleep problems are very common with anxiety and depression. It is not that common to lie awake worrying for no reason.I think that unless orderinformation's husband is a horrible drunk or liable to stray or something like that it is quite unreasonable to pressure him to stay in. I genuinely wondered about an anxiety disorder.

NotMostPeople Sat 30-Mar-13 22:53:19

YAbu. Suggest that he pull his weight tomorrow, but otherwise I don't see what the problem is.

thornrose Sat 30-Mar-13 22:53:28

Wow, I'm fascinated by this thread. I've been single for a while, granted, but when did it become so horrifying/weird/worrying for a partner to want to nip out for a drink on a Saturday night?

ladymariner Sat 30-Mar-13 22:53:32

If she was awake and wanting to spend thine with him then fair enough but nars she's asleep!!!!!

WorraLiberty Sat 30-Mar-13 22:53:36

op has said her dc2 is 3 months old am sorry but i think she needs some tlc and understanding from her dh at this time.

YY but surely when she's actually awake to witness it?

Or is he to make some sort of camcorder greeting for her to wake up to?

WinkyWinkola Sat 30-Mar-13 22:54:04

Better to go out and have fun.

Unless he has form for either rocking up home at 4am and waking all and sundry or being incapacitated the next day.

Dh and I know that whatever we do socially, separately or otherwise, that we have to function the next day unless previously agreed between us. Not least so the other knows he/she is a lone parent versus crowds the next day.

He often is shite at functioning the next day though.

LaQueen Sat 30-Mar-13 22:54:18

I think we should stage an intervention...nip round to the OP's house, tap on the window...carefully assist DH out, and point him in the direction of the pub...and then place a carefully crafted life size papier mache mannequin on the sofa, with a can in its hand...

The OP need never know...[goes to prepare newspaper and paste...]

LetMeAtTheWine Sat 30-Mar-13 22:55:06

He must be a reasonable bloke. If my OH said that he didn't want me to go out then he went off to bed, first thing I would do is head out the door...

ladymariner Sat 30-Mar-13 22:55:18

Make sure it's able to nod though, laQueen..... A lot!

nars Sat 30-Mar-13 22:55:46

the op has said she can't sleep well when her dh is out. her baby is 3 months old.

mn is dead odd these days. are all your husbands out on the razz hence you are on here and it's the only kick you can get?

thornrose Sat 30-Mar-13 22:56:24

I feel like I've strayed into an alternative universe. Am I dreaming?

LaQueen Sat 30-Mar-13 22:57:08

Good point Lady ...I'm attaching a nodding device, inside the head...and it'll be wearing a large, thumb shaped hat...

AgentZigzag Sat 30-Mar-13 22:57:09

Fucking hell, I'm often shite at functioning without any alcoholic input Winky grin

<pulls up Shackletons high seater>

pictish Sat 30-Mar-13 22:57:28

I was out on the razz last night.
Not really. I met four friends for a drink in the pub. I was home by 1.
I'm such a weirdo.

Flojobunny Sat 30-Mar-13 22:57:36

YABU, unless you are working tomorrow and have to get up at a set time then how do you lose an hour? The clocks change but a 3 month old doesn't know that.
He's an adult. Why are you trying to control him? Are you always this needy?

MomaP Sat 30-Mar-13 22:57:44

I wonder if OP is reading this or whether shes already happily sleeping while her DH twiddles his thumbs enjoys his Sat night in the lounge. Alone.

LaQueen Sat 30-Mar-13 22:57:53

Thorn yep, you and the OP both...whilst her DH sits on his tod.

OhDearieDearieMe Sat 30-Mar-13 22:58:16

Maybe he didn't eat all his greens at dinner? He's clearly a naughty boy who will just go out and spend all his pocket money on drink! This must never be allowed!

pictish Sat 30-Mar-13 22:58:18

Enjoying himself.

RatPants Sat 30-Mar-13 22:58:30

You'd worry if your dh wanted to spend time with his friends? Surely that isn't healthy. All the relationships in our lives need nurturing, not just the marital one.

thornrose Sat 30-Mar-13 22:58:36

Oh believe me THIS is not a "kick" grin

LaQueen Sat 30-Mar-13 22:58:47

Nah...DH is in t'other room, licking his new laptop, I'll get nary a word out of him this side of Tuesday... hmm

AgentZigzag Sat 30-Mar-13 22:58:54

I think I would too LetMeAt, but then I wouldn't make the mistake of asking, much better to inform.

Flojobunny Sat 30-Mar-13 22:59:20

Also can't sleep til you know your DH is home safe? Where on earth do you live? Afghanistan? He's a grown man and you are treating him like one of your DC.

pictish Sat 30-Mar-13 22:59:30

My dh is sitting right here.
He thinks you're scary too!

maddening Sat 30-Mar-13 23:00:19

Yanbu on account of v small bf baby - 3 mths = growth spurts and if he goes out he will not be able to take dc at 7am (6am old money) so you can catch up. Regardless of the sleeping till he gets home discussion (and when feeling vulnerable with a v small baby it is understandable).


I love my dh with every fibre of my being and he is my best friend but the thought that sitting in the lounge with a can while he slept is the same as a night out with my mates is, quite frankly, a fucking joke.

Since when did becoming joined at the hip and incapable of enjoying time out separately become part of the marriage bourree?

BoringTheBuilder Sat 30-Mar-13 23:01:24

Well pictish, I am sure your girls night out was planned, you didn't get home with your 2 children, youngest being 3 months old and declared were going to bed thinking you could relax knowing your husband would take charge.

DisappointedHorse Sat 30-Mar-13 23:01:40

Sorry but this is just plain bizarre, it's controlling and it's selfish.

It's not the kind of thing DH generally does but plenty of other men I know wander down the pub by themselves sometimes. They chat to folk in the pub, have a couple of drinks and there is no harm done.

Each to their own I suppose but if DH ever told me I couldn't go out because it was an inconvenience to him not only would i be incredibly resentful, it would set alarm bells ringing in a major way.

StuntGirl Sat 30-Mar-13 23:01:54

I went out to a gig the other day without my partner. I didn't see him all day; went straight from work, had dinner in town and then stayed out for the gig, getting home at 1am.

I must hate my partner!

knackeredmother Sat 30-Mar-13 23:02:19

YANBU, it's not about being controlling its about needing your dh to not be tired tomorrow. Also when you are spending all evening bf you really need someone else around if the other dc wake up/you need a drink etc.
And I know what you mean about not sleeping until your dh comes home, I'm the same and I am in no way controlling. It's just one of those things about not relaxing properly until those you live are home safe and being on sole duty.

ladymariner Sat 30-Mar-13 23:02:20

What yellowdinosaur so succinctly put it......grin

nars Sat 30-Mar-13 23:02:56

jeez why don't some of you just fuck off this thread if you find the op's worries so pathetic

take your own advice and ignore the thread

LaQueen Sat 30-Mar-13 23:03:04

Have I fallen through into a parallel universe...? I ruddy have, haven't I...typical hmm

Thanks dyac for bourree hmm which clearly should be vows...

ladymariner Sat 30-Mar-13 23:03:15

Oooh, shite grammar now..... blush

Plus3 Sat 30-Mar-13 23:04:11

Do you not think you are being (ever so gently)wound up ladies?? (Innocent face)

Facebaffle Sat 30-Mar-13 23:04:11


What plans have you got for tomorrow?

When was the last time he went out? Is this a regular thing or a one off?

WorraLiberty Sat 30-Mar-13 23:04:15

LaQueen, I suppose we could stick a can of beer in his hand and dress him up a bit?

It's all I can find as I'm out of paper and paste

travellingwilbury Sat 30-Mar-13 23:04:30

He will be in the pub by now .

He has nodded and smiled and waited to hearsnoring and us now whooping if up with a pint in his hand .

LaQueen Sat 30-Mar-13 23:04:47

You feckin cah Stunt. I bet your DH sat at home sobbing himself to sleep didn't he hmm

thornrose Sat 30-Mar-13 23:05:03

What do you think he's going to do that will make him incapable of getting up at 7 am? What about men who work nights or work away from home, how do you think their partners "cope"?

pictish Sat 30-Mar-13 23:05:13

What was he scheduled to do between 10 and 1 say?
Take over what? Everyone is in bed.

Take over sitting in the sitting room? Take over watching telly? What?

There was nothing going on.

nars Sat 30-Mar-13 23:05:29

op i would hide this thread now if you haven't already it's obviously been hijacked by the freaks

Actually I don't find the Op's worries pathetic. Atty least she has the excuse of sleep deprivation.

It is some of the others on this thread spouting the bullshit about sitting in the lounge being a perfect substitute for a night out with mates and that anyone who dares to have a life apart from their husband that i'm taking issue with...

LaQueen Sat 30-Mar-13 23:06:23

Plu yeas, of course we are...I strongly sniff a hint of Eau de Hidden Agenda here... grin

But, I've worked too hard on this papier mache dummy, to stop now [adjusts its thumb shaped hat, and paints on fixed, rictus grin...]

MomaP Sat 30-Mar-13 23:06:28

I'm sure that if that's the case Travel OP will begin to stir soon enough with his absence. hmm

LetMeAtTheWine Sat 30-Mar-13 23:07:47

In all honesty Agent, I am the kind of twat that would go just because someone told me I couldn't, even if I wasn't particularly bothered about going. Think DH hoped I would grow out of it but it isn't looking likely.

ladymariner Sat 30-Mar-13 23:08:02

Have you attached its bowing mechanism, LaQueen, it seems to be an essential part.....or maybe that's just too freaky......

thornrose Sat 30-Mar-13 23:08:29

Hijacked by the freaks grin grin grin

pictish Sat 30-Mar-13 23:09:50

No, I was right the first time. I fear we are being joshed with. wink

LaQueen Sat 30-Mar-13 23:09:52

I'm trying lady ...I'm trying...but, it's giving me jip.

I'm thinking of leaving it out, and incorporating an integral 'Eating Humble Pie' mechanism, instead.

StuntGirl Sat 30-Mar-13 23:10:40

Oh no LaQ, he sat alone in the living room with a can of beer, he tells me it was better than a night down the pub grin

I'm doing it again another three times next month. In fact I'm fucking off to London for an entire weekend without him. [heartless cow emoticon]

BoringTheBuilder Sat 30-Mar-13 23:10:42

It is not funny anymore how people like to make silly jokes and laugh at people's problems, dilemmas, weaknesses.
Some here a clearly as bored as the Op's husband
What are you doing on MN? Why don't you say god bye to your partners and kids and go down to the pub to socialise? I am sure you can have better laugh over there.

Oh wait
You can be 'funnier' in anonymity...I understand.

BadabingBadabong Sat 30-Mar-13 23:10:49

nars I think you'll find it's you who has the weird relationship here!

TartyMcTart Sat 30-Mar-13 23:11:34

Bloody hell, did some of you nars nit actually venture out of the house when your baby was 3 months old?

I know myself and OH both had nights out, maybe not always together but who wants to ge joined at the hip all day long? confused

marriedinwhiteagain Sat 30-Mar-13 23:11:45

My DH went up at about 9.15. I'm in the sitting room with the dc and have had two lovely glasses of chilled white and now have the football on. Was I unreasonable not to have gone to the pub on Easter weekend night when most folk we know are away, doing family stuff, etc because DH was sleeping hmm.

Don't think the OP's being unreasonable.

nars Sat 30-Mar-13 23:12:03

some posters on here are so up their own arse they can see next spring

pictish Sat 30-Mar-13 23:12:35

No one is.
The OP's grand - she asked, we opinionated. It's all cool there. What she does with that is up to her.

Now we are laughing along with you!

LaQueen Sat 30-Mar-13 23:13:00

"You can be 'funnier' in anonymity...I understand."

Well, none of us would aspire to be anymore fun than a night, sat on your tod, watching TV with a can of beer...while your wife sleeps upstairs.

I mean, how much more fun can mortal flesh stand, eh hmm

thornrose Sat 30-Mar-13 23:14:57

Married the big difference is YOU don't want to go to the pub, OP's partner does.

nars Sat 30-Mar-13 23:15:28

i wish mn would get rid of AIBU was so reasonable before

people disagreed and had references to back up their discourse

now people just post what they fuck they like and their illiterate cronies agree with them

just like any other website

rip mumsnet

TheSecondComing Sat 30-Mar-13 23:15:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ladymariner Sat 30-Mar-13 23:15:52

The point is, married that sounds great because you chose to do it.

Op's dh hasn't been allowed a choice.

WorraLiberty Sat 30-Mar-13 23:16:03

"You can be 'funnier' in anonymity...I understand."

Why don't you give it a try too Boring?

G'wan, it won't hurt to crack a smile...

BoringTheBuilder Sat 30-Mar-13 23:16:28

yes married you are being U. How can you possibly drink alone, watch telly alone and enjoy yourself alone while your h is sleeping? it is saturday night and you must be at the pub. looser....

Plus3 Sat 30-Mar-13 23:16:56

Not RIP mumsnet at all. AIBU is full of crap. As long as you realise that, it's all good.

StuntGirl Sat 30-Mar-13 23:16:59

To be fair I'm joking about but I can kiiiinda see where the OP is coming from a tiny bit. I suspect it's not really about going out tonight, but about something else yes? Because someone wanting to go out on a bank holiday weekend isn't really worth getting wound up about.

I think she's less bothered by going out drinking tonight, and more the state he'll be tomorrow? Or the last-minute nature of it, having had it in her head (understandably) she'd get her usual lie in tomorrow but knowing she now won't?

AgentZigzag Sat 30-Mar-13 23:17:04

Your thoughts on how other posters should behave is a bit controlling Boring, and weirdly over involved.

If you think so little of people being on here because they're bored, what's the reason you're here?

ladymariner Sat 30-Mar-13 23:17:16

Loser, surely......?

thornrose Sat 30-Mar-13 23:17:53

"I wish mn would get rid of AIBU was so reasonable before"

What does that mean? Genuine question.

grovel Sat 30-Mar-13 23:17:54

nars, I don't understand the first sentence of your last post. Am I illiterate?

BoringTheBuilder Sat 30-Mar-13 23:18:39

I do, but my sense of humour is very different to the majority

Exactly thornrose.

I don't want to go to the pub tonight either. Dh is in bed. But if I wanted to go out and he told me I couldn't because why should I be allowed to go and have fun while he was doing exactly what he wanted I'd laugh at him.

Of course, if he had a genuine reason as to why he really needed me here I'd support him like a shot. But having a life without your partner is not something to be pitied ffs.

WorraLiberty Sat 30-Mar-13 23:19:05

I have no idea how loose anyone here is

Just for the record...

LetMeAtTheWine Sat 30-Mar-13 23:19:35

Loser, surely.....?


marriedinwhiteagain Sat 30-Mar-13 23:20:12

May be our Pub's too close smile.

DH can go and sit there and look at the same view and buy beer for much more than in the supermarket. And he has to make polite conversation in there if he sees anyone he knows. And he complains that it's full of young people being loud and without homes to go to. Miserable old sod really.

WorraLiberty Sat 30-Mar-13 23:20:30

Exactly that Yellow

I find it quite disturbing that anyone who wants to pop out for a beer, is deemed to loathe their own company.

Quite odd.

AgentZigzag Sat 30-Mar-13 23:21:13

Pahahahahaha at 'now people just post what they fuck they like and their illiterate cronies agree with them' grin

You're being too obvious.

seriouscakeeater Sat 30-Mar-13 23:22:08

Ooh is hate to be in a relationship where we just go out as a couple , no individuality. We have night out apart and together.
Today dh asked if I minded if he stayed out at a mates as they were having a lads night out. Dh rarely drinks so a hangover to him would last ALL day. So I said on this occasion yes I do we a soooooo busy tomorow ALL day so can't have him sweating out alchol all day and hugging toilet. He agreed and took me for a meal instead! [Grin]
Any other time I wouldn't have a problem with it. BUT do understand on not getting off to sleep till he gets back, I'm really light sleeper and then the turnip will ring me to tell me he is on way back even though i repeatedly ask him not to!

thornrose Sat 30-Mar-13 23:22:30

I'm sorry but when people post about other people being illiterate and their own post makes no sense it does make me smile.

hwjm1945 Sat 30-Mar-13 23:22:45

Have been following with internet and relating it to self when bf a baby and with toddler,think I would prob feel miffed that he had the freedom to up any go that I no longer had,but maybe I was a bit of a martyr? Think I can understand OP being worried about him being tired tomorrow,in the early days I used to get panicked about lack of sleep,

ThoughtsPlease Sat 30-Mar-13 23:24:05

By the time DC3 now 10m, was born I was a lone parent, so I often sit on my own drinking in front of the tele on a Saturday night, but I am also on duty and manage to 'cope' ok on my own, and sometimes even manage to sleep on my own or get up in the night and in the morning on my own, and we have all survived just fine.

These sort of threads amuse me, with all the 'oh it's my turn for a lie in, I've been up in the night, I'm breastfeeding' etc etc, FFS get on with it!

Viviennemary Sat 30-Mar-13 23:25:15

YABU. If you are going to bed anyway I can't see why your DH can't go out if he wants to. You're really tired and he's not. But if he doesn't help tomorrow then you will be reasonable to be annoyed. But at least give him a chance.

marriedinwhiteagain Sat 30-Mar-13 23:25:23

Going up now. Just need to check that DH can sleep without me by his side. wink. still think some of you have been a bit mean to the OP though My DH wouldn't have gone to the pub after a day out if I was going to bed - OTOH I've spent years wondering why it takes five hours to watch 90 minutes of football.

mayorquimby Sat 30-Mar-13 23:26:11

Of course yabu married
Surely you can see how having a couple of drinks will ruin Easter Sunday for your family and your husband might not be able to sleep if you're downstairs boozing it up

BoringTheBuilder Sat 30-Mar-13 23:26:45

Agent ZigZag

Some people started to criticise the posts/posters who thought OP wasn't being U
I am not controlling or try to control anyone here, nor criticising their opinion, but I just find it ridiculous the way people are getting used to make fun of other here. I don't get it.

I am not over involved and tbh, I don't give a shit

And for the record, I will be alone for a whole week as dh will take dd away for her holidays and I have to work. His parents will be there too and I am sure he will drink from 1 pm and go out every night, but he will be at a safe place and will not be overloading me with childcare.

And I don't even know why I am here tbh. That is a great question. Should be in the sitting room having my wine and watching something, enjoying myself alone YES it is possible. Much better than some company over here.

LadyBeaEGGleEyes Sat 30-Mar-13 23:27:38

I don't know if there are other issues in play here Op, but I can never understand any poster that says they can't sleep until their partner is home.
I really don't get that.

HotCrossPun Sat 30-Mar-13 23:27:44

Worra, I find it equally disturbing that a woman who struggles to get into a deep sleep until her DH is home, has a ''mental illness'', an ''anxiety disorder'' and is ''controlling'.'

My DP gets called out at nights sometimes for work. I sometimes worry about him driving long distances late at night, and can't get back to a proper sleep until he is home. I'm surprised it is a concept that so many are struggling to understand or relate to.

KansasCityOctopus Sat 30-Mar-13 23:28:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Megatron Sat 30-Mar-13 23:29:19

DH is out tonight, I've had a lovely night with the DCs and a glass of wine. I have to be up at 3am to carry out DDs medical procedure as I said I would do it tonight as he'll have had a drink. We will both be tired tomorrow at family lunch but big deal, its one day and I certainly don't begrudge him a night out with his friends. We're married, we are not joined at the hip and neither of us are particularly needy.

pictish Sat 30-Mar-13 23:29:26

Nanight then Boring!

KansasCityOctopus Sat 30-Mar-13 23:29:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoringTheBuilder Sat 30-Mar-13 23:33:30

I guess working night is different than getting drunk at he pub while you are with a 3 months old and a toddler and thought would be able to catch up on sleep until your husband changes his mind?

AgentZigzag Sat 30-Mar-13 23:33:40

I just get the feeling you don't like it that some posters aren't taking it as seriously as you are Boring.

You do sound as though you give a shit tbh, enough to stop you from doing something that'd make you happier anyway.

seriouscakeeater Sat 30-Mar-13 23:35:15

Wow just re read though thread...
How nasty these threads get so quickly.
If you have an opinion ladies say it don't bully it home. Ugly.

ParadiseChick Sat 30-Mar-13 23:35:43

Christ on a bike.

I've had a hectic, stressy day and just before dinner dh said to me 'why don't you go down the pub, catch up with your mates, get out of here for a bit' he must really hate me. <on last bus home slightly merry>

He hasn't even stipulated what time I have to get up tomorrow!

Family day. Sounds serious!

BoringTheBuilder Sat 30-Mar-13 23:36:01

it is not about taking seriously, is about making fun of other people and making them feel bad. Is it difficult to understand? Wants me to draw a picture?
I am lying on bed feeling too lazy to do anything else and that is why I am here.
Will avoid turning the computer on as much as I can, problem solved.

SminkoPinko Sat 30-Mar-13 23:36:21

I did not say that orderinformation had a mental illness or an anxiety disorder, Hotcrosspun. I asked if it was the case. And was, probably rightly, told that this was too personal a question. I was actually trying to find out whether there was an underlying reason for her worry so that a bit more sympathy might come her way than has been the case on this thread so far. Insomnia due to mental illness is surprisingly common. 1 in 4 peoiple will suffer a mental illness at some point in their lives. It is nothing to be ashamed of.

AgentZigzag Sat 30-Mar-13 23:37:24

I know seriouscakeeater!

It's amazing how concerned some posters are when people say it's up to the DH as to what he does.

seriouscakeeater Sat 30-Mar-13 23:38:27

Agreed on the making fun of other people and making them feel bad its very school yard.

BoringTheBuilder Sat 30-Mar-13 23:39:09

Sminkopinko I gave few examples as to why she might not be able to sleep while he is not at home.

WorraLiberty Sat 30-Mar-13 23:39:18

HotCrossPun I agree it's disturbing to think it has anything to do with mental illness etc...

But honestly, if one adult can't sleep without the other adult being present, that's likely to hamper the other adult's life in quite a way don't you think?

If my DH made it clear to me that if I went out with my friends he couldn't sleep, I'd see it as him laying some kind of guilt trip on me.

Fair enough if he felt like that, but there's no need to tell me about his problem...because that would sound as though he's trying to make the problem mine too, instead of dealing with it/seeking help.

AgentZigzag Sat 30-Mar-13 23:39:36

'Wants me to draw a picture?'

If you're any good at drawing I wants it very much.

BoringTheBuilder Sat 30-Mar-13 23:43:54

To draw a picture
it is a joke we say at my home country
you won't get it as I don't get some jokes here in mumsnet England

ladymariner Sat 30-Mar-13 23:44:33

Where did it say he was going to get drunk boring ? Not over-egging the pudding, by any chance, are you?

CherylTrole Sat 30-Mar-13 23:44:57

OP must be one of them bloody POs then? Are you all mnetting from the pub?

BoringTheBuilder Sat 30-Mar-13 23:45:00

Perhaps I was brought up not to laugh at people's and always got mad at it. Even as a child.

SminkoPinko Sat 30-Mar-13 23:45:15

Sorry- missed that boring, Yes, I can see how people you know being stabbed could lead to worry.sad Poor you.

WorraLiberty Sat 30-Mar-13 23:46:21

No we say it here in mumsnet England too.

BoringTheBuilder Sat 30-Mar-13 23:46:47

Lady, just using my imagination or playing with possibilities like everyone here.
People assumed he would still wake up in the morning to do childcare if he went, but he didn't say that, did he?

thornrose Sat 30-Mar-13 23:48:08

There's a massive assumption that a grown man can't pop to the pub without becoming completely incapacitated resulting in him being unable to get up in the morning and look after his children.

seriouscakeeater Sat 30-Mar-13 23:48:09

I don't sleep great when dh isn't in bed..just because its strange. He knows it but dosnt think I use it as blackmail and it certainly dosnt hamper his life in any way. Yep I'm an adult and so his he but its not a guilt trip or a problem..
We don't make issues like that.

AgentZigzag Sat 30-Mar-13 23:48:14

I understood what you said Boring.

ladymariner Sat 30-Mar-13 23:51:20

And he didn't say he wouldn't either......

CherylTrole Sat 30-Mar-13 23:52:37

But its always the men going out for a pissup, the women, not as much. Definitely a huge unequal balance going on.....

MagicHouse Sat 30-Mar-13 23:53:44

On the face of it, it seems likes YABU. But I remember back to the days of getting very little sleep, and also someone who did all the nightwakings. Some of how you feel might be down to resentment that he can just swan off at 9 while you're tied to the house as you're bf. Maybe you feel generally unsupported/ unloved at the moment? You're probably wishing he would prefer to be at home with his family. It's probably more to do with your family dynamics at the moment.
Having two small children is exhausting. I think when you're knackered with a small baby, sometimes you want to be looked after, and your dh wanting to disappear off to the pub at 9 when you've just got home probably doesn't feel great, especially if you know it'll have a knock on the next day.
Hope you get a good night's sleep, and feel more positive in the morning :-)

thornrose Sat 30-Mar-13 23:55:52

See there it is again, "going for a pissup", every trip to the pub doesn't end up with someone bing pissed.

QuickLookBusy Sat 30-Mar-13 23:56:15


The OP cannot sleep until her DH is safely home(I'm the same and have a very valid reason, maybe the OP has one too. We don't know as she seems to not be coming back. I wonder why??)

The OP has said she NEEDS an early night, she says she had a bad night last night, she needs her H to help early tomorrow so she gets a lie in. If he goes to the pub tonight she says he will be too tired tomorrow to be of much help.

So here's a very tired mum with a 3 month old baby asking for a bit of support. But lets just stick the boot in and take the piss. Not very nice at all.

Creamtea1 Sat 30-Mar-13 23:58:00

Got bored of the OP's original subject, but am intrigued by nars - surely it's a trollibob??

BoringTheBuilder Sat 30-Mar-13 23:59:22

MagicHouse you sait it ALL.

WorraLiberty Sun 31-Mar-13 00:00:51

But its always the men going out for a pissup, the women, not as much. Definitely a huge unequal balance going on

You don't know that though Cheryl surely?

I imagine there's going to be far less threads from women saying "Oh by the way, I'm going out for a drink tonight"....than there are from women posting that they're unhappy with their DP's going out.

So unless we hold a straw poll, how would we know?

AgentZigzag Sun 31-Mar-13 00:02:02

It's OK to not agree with an OP though isn't it QLB?

Because that kind of read as though you were saying disagreeing with them is the same as sticking the boot in and taking the piss.

Nirvana1999 Sun 31-Mar-13 00:04:14

If the ops DH had declared he was going to an all night rave and popping some pills I could see her point, he'd be in no fit state for family day tomorrow but he just wanted to go to the pub. I think if you're lying awake restless until his return then there are some other issues going on. I feel sorry for him, MOTD is pish tonight.

CherylTrole Sun 31-Mar-13 00:05:01

I stand by what I said. Do you honestly think more women get a night out than men?

QuickLookBusy Sun 31-Mar-13 00:05:21

There's nothing wrong with disagreeing.

There's plenty wrong in taking the piss.

There's a huge difference and many of the posts disagree are doing the second thing unfortunately.

QuickLookBusy Sun 31-Mar-13 00:06:58

Yes Niverna, there may well be other issues. But as the OP has been frightened off, I doubt we will ever find out.

ladymariner Sun 31-Mar-13 00:08:35

Op is probably asleep, QLB.....

CherylTrole Sun 31-Mar-13 00:09:06

QLB I totally agree with you.

The op hasn't been frightened off ffs, she is in bed asleep Which was a rather large part of the point...

Nirvana1999 Sun 31-Mar-13 00:10:09

Maybe her dh has been to pub and back and op is none the wiser, everyone's a winner...

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Sun 31-Mar-13 00:11:44

Yabu really. it's your problem if you're anxious and can't sleep till he gets in. I wouldn't let my DH tell me something like that!

AgentZigzag Sun 31-Mar-13 00:11:46

Maybe it'd be easier if you drew up some guidelines about where the line should be drawn between disagreeing and taking the piss QLB?

Is a grin OK?

What about taking the piss out of someone who doesn't like you disagreeing with them? Or would that be seen as taking the piss out of the OP by proxy?

Would I be allowed a small <smirk>? I'd try to keep it to myself...

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Sun 31-Mar-13 00:12:58

And if men DO go out more isn't it because they want to? If I wanted to go out a lot then I would. I don' a lot of women over 30, I like to stay in and chill...that's fine by me. I wouldn't use that as a reason to stop someone else going out.

WorraLiberty Sun 31-Mar-13 00:16:11

I stand by what I said. Do you honestly think more women get a night out than men?

More women where? On MN? In RL? What do you mean?

In my circle of friends I'd say it's about 50 - 50

On MN I have no idea because as I said, unless a straw poll is put up, no-one will know.

QuickLookBusy Sun 31-Mar-13 00:18:05

I hope she is asleep. My "frightened off" comment was referring to the fact that she hasn't been came back since her first post.

And I don't blame her. She was called "controlling" second post in and then the unhelpful comments just kept on coming.

CherylTrole Sun 31-Mar-13 00:18:33

Neo A lot of women do want to go out though but are not able to for various reasons. Women arent getting their fair share of nights out.

WorraLiberty Sun 31-Mar-13 00:19:52

Neo A lot of women do want to go out though but are not able to for various reasons. Women arent getting their fair share of nights out.

What women Cheryl where exactly?

In your family? In your circle of friends?

I don't understand?

thornrose Sun 31-Mar-13 00:20:29

What women though Cheryl? Just the ones you know?

StuntGirl Sun 31-Mar-13 00:20:54

I agree to an extent cheryl, but how many women refuse to out, or don't want to because they feel they shouldn't? I know I have female friends who could leave their children in the capable hands of friends/family but who refuse.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Sun 31-Mar-13 00:21:32

Cheryl talk about stating the obvious! A lot of men want to go out but are unable too!

It's silly thing to say....if you think women aren't going out because they're not allowed or some such crap then I would say this...yes...there are a small minority of abused women who are controlled to such an extent that they can't go out.

The rest need to woman up and go out. Unless they're shackled or breastfeeding they can go out. If money is tight then neither can go out and if they are allowing their partner more money for nights out than THEY are having then it's their own fault.

Well I go out more than dh. I am much more sociable than him. Thank fuck he doesn't take this 'i'm staying in so why should you go out' attitude. It's hardly loads though. Probably once a fortnight. Because I also enjoy staying in and spending time with him. Does that help?

And qlb i'm not taking the piss out of the op. One of my early posts said I thought she was being unreasonable but I understood because sleep deprivation does that. If there's any piss taking it's to a couple of posters, one who ironically has the user name boring, who are getting on their high horse.

Op if you've misunderstood my posts to be directed at you I apologise and hope you get a good nights sleep and enjoy tomorrow.

CherylTrole Sun 31-Mar-13 00:24:32

Some people I know, some I have read about, different scenarios. Thats just the general gist of what I know of. Mens nights out just seem to take priority.

BOEUF Sun 31-Mar-13 00:24:49

Purely to reply to the OP, I'd say it depends on what your husband means by nipping out for a drink. If it's two or three pints and he's just socialising a bit on a Saturday night because you are shattered and not going to be awake for company, fine. If he's more likely to get bladdered and show up at 4am without his shoes, covered in sick, and out of action all day tomorrow, then YANBU.

Basically, if he's a thoughtful sensible partner, you don't need to worry.

Nirvana1999 Sun 31-Mar-13 00:26:31

When dh and I were together I'd go out way more than him. His job involves driving so he couldn't go out drinking much. I used to put up with so much crap before I went out though. He'd wait up questioning me on the nights events. He had issues obviously...

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Sun 31-Mar-13 00:27:06

Cheryl that's a personal experience. You can't relate it as if it were a fact for all or even a majority of women.

It's certainly not among my friends and family.

WorraLiberty Sun 31-Mar-13 00:27:37

I am 100% more sociable than my DH and always have been.

He's quite shy and a home body. He's happy to stay home and do his own thing rather than go out with his mates.

I'm completely different. I have a wide circle of friends and unlike him, I know almost everyone in our street by name.

He knows this about me and would never dream of trying to curtail me for any reason ever.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Sun 31-Mar-13 00:31:07

That's as it should be Worra...for both sexes. I have friends who are equally sociable and they argue all the time about going out...they BOTH go out about twice a week with their own friends....when one goes, the other is jealous and gives the partner a hard time.

It's totally beyond me....when you're with someone in a couple, you're meant to be their advocate. To want them to be happy and to have a good can not wanting them to go out and socialise be good?

pictish Sun 31-Mar-13 00:35:48

Cheryl I disagree with you. Maybe women in your circle don't get out much...but I would say that within mine, it's pretty equal between the sexes.

WorraLiberty Sun 31-Mar-13 00:45:02

Precisely Neo

BoringTheBuilder Sun 31-Mar-13 02:07:56

Accuse me of anything but saying that I am the one piss taking on this thread is a bit rich.

Weird thread

Pudgy2011 Sun 31-Mar-13 03:29:26

I find this all very strange. I spent most of yesterday out on a friends party boat whilst DH stayed and took care of DS1, I came home when I wanted and didn't feel like DH was waiting for me to take over?
DH and his friends don't have big nights all that often but when they do they have form for pulling all nighters and waking up on sofas ( way it is on this island, if I lived in a big city I'd be far more dubious about it from a safety aspect) - I'm more than happy for that, I like the time for myself, I can read, watch movies enjoy a few glasses of wine and go to bed without worrying that DH will come in drunk and wake me and DS up. But what makes me laugh is that I'm far more sociable and have far more nights out than DH right now. If he was to say that he wanted me to stay in because he couldn't sleep without me is ludicrous.
I don't ask my DH "permission" to go out but I grant him the same respect that he would give me. That is what partnership is about is it not?

Astelia Sun 31-Mar-13 05:19:55

Purely to reply to the OP, I'd say it depends on what your husband means by nipping out for a drink. If it's two or three pints and he's just socialising a bit on a Saturday night because you are shattered and not going to be awake for company, fine. If he's more likely to get bladdered and show up at 4am without his shoes, covered in sick, and out of action all day tomorrow, then YANBU.

My thoughts too.

If he is normally a sensible sort of DH then YABVU. Poor man.

iloveholidays Sun 31-Mar-13 05:26:09

I know where you're coming from OP because I'm similar at the moment but also know I am BU when I say I'd rather DP didn't go out.

I have a 4 month old DD3, before she was born I had no issue with DP going out, in fact it was lovely just being able to watch my soaps without him complaining!!! smile but roll onto now and being sleep deprived and I have to be honest it's nice knowing he's home but for me its knowing he's in charge of DD1&2 if they wake. I am absolutely exhausted and if I had to get up for them in the evening as well as in the night for DD3 then I'd be annoyed plus potentially get disturbed when he got in.

But I have to say deep down I know I'm BU because i rarely get disturbed when he comes in and DDs dont often wake in the evening but its a comfort thing almost like i can just switch off.

Anyway enough rambling, just wanted to say that things always feel differently when sleep deprived.

CheerfulYank Sun 31-Mar-13 05:34:45

Sorry, YABU.

I don't sleep well when DH is out either, actually. Not because I worry, I just semi-wake, realize he isn't there, and have to think of where he is for a minute. But that's not his problem.

I go out without him, he goes out without me. We have friends besides each other.

LaQueen Sun 31-Mar-13 11:07:31

I know someone just like this...when she's tired, her and her DH have to go home, together. Even if he's not tired...even if he wants to stay out a while longer...even though they had no DCs at the time...even though he asks politely if he can stay out for a few more drinks...nope, when she decided it was time to leave, then it was time to buts...

Have watched them walk out of his BF's 30th birthday at 9.30pm, because she decided she'd had enough, and was tired...watched them leave a wedding reception early, because she wasn't enjoying it, and wanted to go home...and, oh about 101 other occasions.

It's not pretty to doesn't make either of them happy...they leave, but then spend the rest of the evening, barely speaking, because she's pissed at him that he wanted to stay, and he's pissed with her that she made him leave.

Sad, very one is happy, and no ones wins sad

BaresarkBunny Sun 31-Mar-13 11:30:54

pictish I agree. It is pretty much 50/50 with the people I know. However in terms of me and dh, I go out more than him, even if it's just popping to a friends house for the evening.

I love my husband but couldn't spend 24/7 with him. I found it very hard when I moved somewhere new and didn't know anyone. I enjoy mixing with people.

Numberlock Sun 31-Mar-13 11:31:34

He needs to join MN LaQueen and we'll tell him to stand up to her for once!

pictish Sun 31-Mar-13 11:49:14

I mean...Nars, who said that she would find it weird and be offended that her dh wanted to go out at the weekend without her.
"Because he wouldn't be with me!"

And Boring who thinks that she would rather her dh stayed in, even if she was sleeping as it's "still sort of together".

I dunno...sometimes this site makes me mighty glad to be me.

Numberlock Sun 31-Mar-13 11:49:55

And it makes me mighty glad to be single.

BoringTheBuilder Sun 31-Mar-13 11:50:58

Good for you pictish!!!!!

LaQueen Sun 31-Mar-13 12:05:05

Agree Pict it's all a bit Stepford Husbands, innit.

It just so reminds me of that Beautiful South song

"Think of you with pipe and slippers
Think of her in bed
Laying there just watching telly
Then think of me instead

And your love light shines like cardboard
But your work shoes are glistening
She's a Ph.D in 'I told you so'
You've a knighthood in 'I'm not listening"

LaQueen Sun 31-Mar-13 12:06:20

Number there's really no point sad He's been told, and told, and people who care about him, and can't bear to see him so downtrodden sad

pictish Sun 31-Mar-13 12:11:43

It is good for me Boring - and that's the point.

BoringTheBuilder Sun 31-Mar-13 12:14:28

yep. we can agree on this one
I bet making people feel bad about themselves makes you feel even better. wink

I am that homebody grin
I practically shove DH out of the house in order to enjoy a blissful silent evening with my book grin
Bonus points if he brings me home some pizza.....

LaQueen Sun 31-Mar-13 12:28:19

DH goes away golfing for a long weekend every be honest, I love it when he goes. I eat peanut butter and jam on toast for supper...I go to bed early with a good book...everywhere stays much tidier...and it's so peaceful...

Last night, he undertook to explain to me how Sky manage to get around the clocks going forward, on the Sky Planner.

Why? Why? I didn't ask to know why, I wasn't remotely interested in knowing why...but, he insisted on explaining it to me hmm

BoringTheBuilder Sun 31-Mar-13 12:33:37

Everyone is missing the point
Op was asking about that particular night in that particular circumstances in her unique situation
And she isn't asking what or how you and your partners do.
Hope she comes back and explain why can't she sleep while her H is out drinking
I bet she has a good reason..and if she probably stated her good reasons on her OP, it would be a flood of LTB comments.

God forbid if you join MN, but doesn't have a perfect husband, perfect relationship and bright children who started reading at 1.5 year old and is a mathematician before entering reception

seriouscakeeater Sun 31-Mar-13 12:34:55

Wow funny to see the mean girls still kicking around! Jeez.
Laqueen more fool your friend all I can say! What a muppet! But he is an adult and must love her so leave him to it.
I bet op and husband are enjoying nice Easter while you guys are stuck on here freedom fighting the cause!
Happy Easter...'innit'

I finally learned to work the sky doofer when the nice sky man came to install an additional box in my bedroom.
I'd never been left alone with the one downstairs for long enough to master it.
DH is trying to creep in and steal my space but I'm repelling him by putting on history programmes instead of sky sports. When he creeps back downstairs, I switch it over.

seriouscakeeater Sun 31-Mar-13 12:39:33

* boring* is leave it, its silly goadyness now. Op won't be back on here. Enjoy Easter! Better get back in the kitchen to finish off...pregnant and barefoot in kitchen, who'd have thought it!

Feminine Sun 31-Mar-13 12:42:50

boring flowers you sound like a very thoughtful person.

LaQueen Sun 31-Mar-13 12:48:26

I don't know how to use our TV...there, I've said it. If I'm alone in the house, then I can't watch TV...

When the Sky man came, even he scratched his head, and commented that we had a somewhat complicated system

Damn you DH, and your patholgically need to over complicate everything that is IT <shakes fist>

AgentZigzag Sun 31-Mar-13 12:54:51

'And she isn't asking what or how you and your partners do.'

What's the point of anyone answering if they're not saying what they do personally?

The OP asked whether other people would find what she said to be unreasonable, in their experience.

I can be understanding and sympathetic at the same time as thinking she was unreasonable.

BoringTheBuilder Sun 31-Mar-13 12:57:42

Unless you have to describe how the way your relationship works because it's soooooooo much better than some loooooosers out here

LetMeAtTheWine Sun 31-Mar-13 13:01:58

You don't know how to use your TV, LaQueen? Sounds like a perfectly good reason to make your DH stay at home all of the time to me. He could change the channels when required and then sit in a different room the rest of would still 'sort of be together' and who needs friends, unless you loathe your own company of course?

LaQueen Sun 31-Mar-13 13:05:01

I need a DH who doesn't delight in making a complete cat's cradle of everything resembling IT...why can't he just leave things on their factory settings? But, oh no...that's too easy, much more fun to patch the TV in through the PC, or the PS3, depending on what whimsical mood he's in angry

Or you could spend the evening, sanding your feet with that new gadget you bought. My cloven mean hooves have never been so smooooth smile

Dear Goady Fuckers,
you may namechange but you are so easy to recognise and work out who you were that it really is quite funny.

LaQueen Sun 31-Mar-13 13:07:58

Is it a Ped Egg KS because I bought one, and it's shit hmm

LetMeAtTheWine Sun 31-Mar-13 13:08:07

Ha ha, sounds like fun LaQueen!

LaQueen Sun 31-Mar-13 13:08:55

That's right...laugh at my misery Let angry

Mine makes me stand in various parts of the room to determine which exact spot gives the optimum listening experience from his Bose thingy....
I even sometimes pretend to care grin

Oh no, consigned the pedi egg dud to the bin when I realised that it was just a cheese grater. This thing runs on batteries, think its called a Micro Pedi. Would have settled for a soap and glory foot file but bastarding Boots never have them in stock.

LetMeAtTheWine Sun 31-Mar-13 13:13:12

Katie & LaQueen, perhaps your DH's should become friends and then they might achieve the ultimate listening/viewing experience? And you would both be let off the hook that is television trauma...

LaQueen Sun 31-Mar-13 13:14:28

Well, shows you're a naicer wife than me KS.

Mid telling me about how Sky solve the clocks going forward issue on Sky Planner - I bluntly interupted DH and said 'Look, why are you telling me? I don't need to know'

After 22 years together, we can be rude comfortable with each other like that.

That's a good idea. Does your DH like shit music from the 80's LeQ?
I'm talking the Stranglers and Floyd. If so, could be a match made in tech heaven wink

LaQueen Sun 31-Mar-13 13:16:24

Ooooh, good plan Let - the boys can be in one room, gently frothing with excitement over their gadgetry, whilst KS and I sit in the other room and quaff the vino.

DH can bring along his new lap-top, which he is in luff with, and brought to bed with him last night hmm

Yes, I like that idea smile

LetMeAtTheWine Sun 31-Mar-13 13:17:28

Genius me. smile

LaQueen Sun 31-Mar-13 13:18:04

KS does the Pope wear a funny hat and kiss airport runways...?

Not only does DH love shit 80's music, he has an enormous collection of vinyl singles, and lots of special editions...

Hah! DH brings his to bed too. There we are, me plugged into Audible while he watches another episode of Top Gear he has seen seventy squillion times before falling asleep and leaving me to power down and unplug his machine.

Green vinyl, vinyl in odd shapes, vinyl with pictures on......
We have not owned a record player since 1982 grin

BoringTheBuilder Sun 31-Mar-13 13:22:25

OP, please post on Relationship next time. X

LetMeAtTheWine Sun 31-Mar-13 13:22:32

'Power down and unplug his machine', ignoring the previous part of the sentence, that sounds like a brilliant idea. Would stop people going out and unnecessarily having fun too.

Let me you are a genius and must come along to admire your handiwork with LeQ and I in the other room.
While trying to talk over the awfulness that is early Pink Floyd wink

Seriously OP, the Relationship board was an excellent suggestion.
I'm guessing that there is other stuff going on and this is just the last straw?
Hope you are having a better day today and wine ( or the treat of your choice) with your lovely DC and sulky pants DH grin

AgentZigzag Sun 31-Mar-13 14:06:19

Oh yeah hobs?

Is it the YABUs or the YANBUs you're taking to be the GFs?

Can I send DH round to laqueen and katies sad tech husband gathering.

Oh yes, all are welcome. It can be like daycare for the sad. wink


AgentZigzag Sun 31-Mar-13 14:25:23

Thought I'd better check before agreeing grin

Not that I know who you're talking about, but it's pretty plausible.

It's going to do my head in now trying to see the clues you've seen in their posts grin

seriouscakeeater Sun 31-Mar-13 14:30:43

I havnt name changed and I said it being goady not going along with micky taking and school yard bullying? Aaaah now I know what that thread about a about! [Grin]

seriouscakeeater Sun 31-Mar-13 14:31:25

Po thread crappy phone!

Feminine Sun 31-Mar-13 15:35:54

and so the bragging continues...

Wrapped up in some contrived way as usual

BoringTheBuilder Sun 31-Mar-13 15:36:01

I could give you a list of all my previous names. I don't change name to pretend I'm someone else. I just don't have the ambition to have a virtual life as a poster on Mumsnet who is well recognised for her wonderful perfect life in all aspects, her incredible sense of humour and bla bla bla. I change my name when I decide I the next one is better. Ah but this might be naff too, who knows.

BoringTheBuilder Sun 31-Mar-13 15:39:44

Oh dear I just made a typing mistake on my previous post end of the world...

LaQueen Sun 31-Mar-13 18:50:00

Yep, come on over Hob [gets out another wine glass] We've stuck the boys in the study...we're going to slip some pizza in under the door to them later, while we crack on with the wine and cake.

DH has just written some seriously impressive computer code (apparently), he wants to demonstrate it to an appreciative audience (i.e. not me) so it'll keep them entertained for hours...

oh yes dh will love that...pour me a glass quick smile

DH has buggered his back hmm

Was it wrong of me to substitute a tramadol for cocodamol?

He's snoring like a warthog and I'm watching the tennis in peace. Good times grin

DH has buggered his back hmm

Was it wrong of me to substitute a tramadol for cocodamol?

He's snoring like a warthog and I'm watching the tennis in peace. Good times grin

perfectly acceptable katie smile

LaQueen Sun 31-Mar-13 19:00:10

Entirely acceptable, under the circumstances. Although, you do realise you have now consigned me to watching DH demonstrate his new code, don't you <cries>

Sorry LeQ my lovely, you gotta take the rough with the smooth. Now practice your nodding and smiling... grin

Hey Laqueen maybe you could leave him to his code and pop down the pub....

LaQueen Sun 31-Mar-13 19:15:44

Unfortunately, I've already had my allotted 1.15 hours of approved fun this, naturally I wouldn't dream of having some totally extra, unnecessary fun...

LaQueen Sun 31-Mar-13 19:16:07

[nods and smiles at KS...]



LaQueen Sun 31-Mar-13 19:19:04

Oh...that's sad...I have submitted a request, asking if I can perhaps avail myself of some of next month's 1.15 hours of fun...but, it's been refused sad


See how much fun you can have online with his Amex smile

Ashoething Sun 31-Mar-13 19:34:12

Keyboard warriors out again eh? Op has a young baby,is knackered and has had a long day. Nothing wrong with her asking dh to stay in for one night so as to be able to give her a rest tomorrow. Before I get accused of being controllinghmm-I go out FAR more than my dh-he is an anti-social bugger. When he does go out I cant get to sleep until he is in either-no reason why I just cant. This does not make me some kind of shrew.

I hope your dc start sleeping through soon op and that you get a good rest.


BoringTheBuilder Sun 31-Mar-13 19:48:17

Oh no Ashoething don't you realise that now after your revelation you became some kind of looser with no real important interesting life? You are also controlling, immature, emotional abuser, needy, weak and not a feminist. Doesn't look like you are fit in Mumsnet top table. Better namechange or f*off to nethuns xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

SweetSeraphim Sun 31-Mar-13 19:52:10

Oh LaQueen, you do make me laugh grin

Hi Boring, fancy a magnum?

FCEK Sun 31-Mar-13 19:56:32

I don't know if the OP has disabilities or not, I have disabilities and can't sleep until DH gets home as I wouldn't be safe, so I stay up, and often I tell him not to go out. Haven't read the whole thread, but perhaps OP has some needs like me?

BoringTheBuilder Sun 31-Mar-13 19:57:02

I just eat ice lollies or ice creams when the weather is proper hot. How boring is that?

AgentZigzag Sun 31-Mar-13 19:58:16

Ashoething was only trying to be helpful Boring.

They are surprisingly tasty if you've the heating turned up grin
I've a selection of sticky teenage alcoholic beveridges if you'd rather have a drink?

thornrose Sun 31-Mar-13 19:59:18

The OP never came back did she?

LaQueen Sun 31-Mar-13 20:02:41

[has sneaky suspicion she's missing something...]

Just spreading the confectionary and trying to palm off the leftover booze from DC party last night/this morning LeQ smile

BoringTheBuilder Sun 31-Mar-13 20:05:41

AgentZigzag - I don't need translation. Thanks. KS - I have enough money to pay for my heating and I comne from a proper hot tropical country, sorry, it isn't the same. I've already killed a bottle of wine today I'm good. Had enough now. Carry on having fun whitout me.

LaQueen Sun 31-Mar-13 20:10:09

Well, in that case hand me over a Magnum, ta...

It's a magnum something or other special edition thingy.

ladymariner Sun 31-Mar-13 22:51:51

Ffs, it's 'LOSER' not 'LOOSER'......again!

ladymariner Sun 31-Mar-13 22:52:32

And if there's any spare I'd love a Magnum please.....x

Here ladym, enjoy smile

ladymariner Sun 31-Mar-13 23:06:20

Thankyou grin

BoringTheBuilder Sun 31-Mar-13 23:30:07

How about Loooooooooooooooooser?
Much Better

CherylTrole Sun 31-Mar-13 23:35:13

Is this stupid thread still going? Crappy po shite grin
Go suck a magnum.......

motherhen1949 Sun 31-Mar-13 23:39:07

It always worries me when any one stops one of the pair going out seeing mates ect and effectivly useing emotiaol balckmail to stop your oh going out is hmm

Its not his job to help you sleep hes not a chikd and should be allowed to go when he wants i just wonder of those who agree would say if if the roles were reversed

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