to not want anyone to touch me for a bit

(46 Posts)
fruitstick Sat 30-Mar-13 08:22:30

This sounds awful.

I have lovely husband and two DC (6&4) who are great.

But I just need everyone to leave me alone! I'm really suffering from contact overload.

The 4 year plc constantly wants to sit on my lap, regardless of what I'm doing.

The 6 year old is always coming into our bed and he's enormous! and just fidgets & fiddles and generally causes a disturbance.

When they're in bed we sit on the sofa and DH wants to rub my feet, or wants me to rub his, and then gets all cuddly when we get into bed.

He then gets offended and thinks I'm not interested in him. It's not true, I just want to be able to sit or lie down somewhere without being accosted it something being demanded of me.

When I write it down I sound insane, and I feel mean and selfish.

It's making me twitchy!

Sounds like you want 24 hours of nobody invading your personal space. grin But saying that my boys are 13 and 11 and every now and again I miss those little boys that sat on my knee, or got into bed with us in the night. sad

Give it a few years and you will have all the personal space you need. <sobs>

I have got DH and Sparkling cat though. smile

TobyLerone Sat 30-Mar-13 08:26:38

YANBU.

I get like this sometimes. I am very introverted and sometimes it's all too much.

I explain to DH and the DC that I just need not to be mithered for a bit. I still like to be in the same room as them etc. It's even fine to have someone sitting next to me. I just don't want to be lolloped on.

I get over it after 15 minutes or so, and it's all back to normal.

Everyone understands, luckily. But my DC are 12 & 13, so it's easier to explain than it would be to young children.

fruitstick Sat 30-Mar-13 08:28:22

I know sparkling brook hmm

I want to sit with them, I just want the little blighters to keep still grin

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Sat 30-Mar-13 08:29:14

Oh yanbu I am the same. I now have the spare room as my "office" and I go in there when I need space. DHis also welcome to use it if he needs space. Yes it means the kids have to share a bedroom....but so what...I had to share with 2 sisters so as far as I'm concerned, 2 small girls in one room is luxurious!

I love my office and am in here now.

Jacksterbear Sat 30-Mar-13 08:29:31

Omg I soooooo know where you are coming from op! I have 2 very clingy dc; my 6yo in particular is suffocatingly so. Sometimes when dh goes to hug me in an evening after a day with the dcs, I flinch before I can stop myself sad, then I feel awful. sad

Sometimes DS2 will come and sit with me to show me Minecraft stuff on the laptop, but he always sits as close as possible, so we are both jammed into the corner of the settee. grin

Numberlock Sat 30-Mar-13 08:32:31

I'm exactly the same. I love and need time on my own and it's a rare commodity.

Do you have chance to 'escape' regularly OP?

Completely agree. Go away the lot of you!

Even dinner times aren't sacred.

I used to feel like that when ds was a baby. Sadly my poor little old cat bore the brunt of it and died before I could make amends. sad

But the minute I put ds to bed the cat would appear from nowhere and want his turn and I just wanted to have 5 minutess to myself.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Sat 30-Mar-13 08:33:58

YANBU

My two are 4 and 2, and they always want to be clambering and sitting in me, and in our bed.

They are lovely and cuddly and gorgeous, but sometimes I just need a bit of space.

DH does understand if I just want to be left alone to lie down though and doesn't get offended.

TobyLerone Sat 30-Mar-13 08:34:16

I have to remind my DC about personal space on a regular basis. They can't sit next to me to show me something. They have to practically sit on me!

I remember breastfeeding DS1, it was a really hot summer, and we were both sweating, then the cat decided to come and join us on my lap. grin

It's nice to be wanted though eh?

jojane Sat 30-Mar-13 08:36:02

It was worst when I was breast feeding but now I just get prodded and jumped on and cuddled and stroked and pulled on etc etc

I have a 2 year old that will not let me sit down unless it's to be used as a climbing frame.

I have been known to sit on the dining room table with a cup of tea just so I could have a few minutes of peace to stop that twitchy feeling grin brew

YANBU
You are not a climbing frame or a machine. grin

X post, great minds and all that wink

GwennieF Sat 30-Mar-13 08:39:35

You're neither mean nor selfish! Sometimes everybody pawing at you just feels a bit too much.

Kveta Sat 30-Mar-13 08:41:07

same here! clingy bfing ill 9 month old, clingy whiny pointy 3 yo, both fighting over who can be in closest contact with mummy without me having to actually give birth to them again.

DS has the boniest bum ever, and is always wriggling about and stroking my hair and patting my face, whilst DD is feeding and gripping bits of boob or pulling my hair or fishhooking my nose.

Once they are in bed for the evening, I barely want to sit in the same room as DH, let alone be touched by him.

I want some peace and quiet. It would be lovely if the children would just shut the fuck up for half an hour.

I have a dream...Of a bright future.

Where my boobs are no longer elbowed & my hair is no longer pulled. Where I can go a whole day without having an eyeball carelessly poked or my lap full of 30lbs of pure energy & invasive curiosity!

On the plus side all that blocking of unexpected jabs to the face/body means I now have the reflexes of a ninja... grin

YANBU or mean or selfish. I quite regularly hide after tea and before bed to get a bit of space from small boys who feel the need to squeeze my neck, stroke my hair or sit on me even whilst i'm on the toilet.

It does get less intense as they get older though -12YO likes his space now too so it is a bit better. But I miss him in the general pile on of the other three.

Softlysoftly Sat 30-Mar-13 08:53:34

YANBU I have 2 dds and actually other than sleep time where they are both regularly in my bed they are fairly independent (10m and 3yrs). I am an extrovert and yet I still Get to the stage some days where I just can't handle any more noise and physical contact.

DH also comes in sometimes and wants to talk about his day, hug whatever and I just want to scream.

Strangemagic Sat 30-Mar-13 08:53:49

Aaaaarrrggggghhhhh elbowed boobs,coughing in my face and being whacked around the head or just poked ,you have my sympathy op.

I feel the same way about noise.
I spend my days listening to harrowing, depressing stuff while trying to help and stay positive.
When I get home I'm all talked and listened out and my fabulous DC come home and want to regale me with tales of their friends and school ( I know I'm lucky they talk to me at all as are teenagers wink)
I feel shit about it TBH, on the outside I'm doing interested concern, on the inside I'm screaming aaaarrregggggghhhhh!!! I don't care what Kelly said to Tony! DS, losing 3 marks out of effing 70 in your Physics test is not a disaster!!!!!
But I smile and nod and pray that something happens to distract them from their monologues so I can creep away and read a book wink

Haha Orchard, DD is 17 and I still can't pee in peace! grin

KansasCityOctopus Sat 30-Mar-13 09:02:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

My DS (2 and a half years old) is fascinated by my toilet trips & practically tries to haul me off so he can have a look before it's flushed. I know it's good and all as he's soon to be potty trained but I've started shutting the door sometimes just so I can pee in peace!!

thezebrawearspurple Sat 30-Mar-13 09:04:46

yanbu.

RubyrooUK Sat 30-Mar-13 09:13:58

Oh me too. I have to carry out every breastfeed of DS2 (2.5 weeks old) with DS1 (2.7 years old) sitting on my lap too. I feel like I am drowning in small boys.

I adore them and their cuddles but it can get so oppressive. Kveta's description of her children attempting to get back inside her is spot on.

What makes it worse is that they are currently both farting on me. grin

Wookiee101 Sat 30-Mar-13 09:18:38

YANBU. My DC are 4 and 2 and so there's always one elbowing, crawling over me, leaning on me, tugging and jostling me. There have been times when I have to literally push them off me as I can't bear it. I have fibromyalgia and I think that accounts for a lot of the annoyance as my skin is really sensitive and so it's like a sensory overload.

The touching combined with the constant bloody noise drives me insane by the end of the day. Some days I can 'feel' my head sort of buzzing with it all.

Luckily, I get a couple of hours between the DCs going to bed and DH coming home so I can just chill out with no-one around - sometimes I could almost sob with relief!

Bearandcub Sat 30-Mar-13 09:20:46

YADNBU, I vant to be alone too.

CabbageLeaves Sat 30-Mar-13 09:22:01

What a reassuring thread smile.

I used to have a whole family of 5 pawing at me, talking at me, all at once and had spent the day at work listening (as KatieScarlett said) to awful stuff, concentrating very hard and needed to come in, have a cup of tea and just sit in quiet.

Divorced one needy ex. Two DC at uni (but still get the phone calls at all times of day and night) and now have DD and elderly parents who demand my time. I often find myself inwardly sighing whilst painting an understanding interested smile on my face. Again, a full on busy day at work and I walk into make a meal for the parents, listen to their detailed tales of 'Dora who had the gas man out again' whilst DD tells me about her new 'fall out with Isabel'. Usually all 3 talk at me at once and rarely does anyone ask about my day!

Tonight I am alone. Bliss

HesterShaw Sat 30-Mar-13 09:24:49

Can I present the alternative view? When I was little, I would go to my mum for a snuggle on the sofa and she'd shrug me off impatiently shouting "Stop DROOPING on me!" So I learnt then not to do it and that physical affection was a no-no. It's been like that since, yet she can't understand it and gets all upset our relationship isn't touchy feely huggy hmm. I never saw her being affectionate with my dad either, and now he flinches when touched.

These years are short and your family need cuddles.

Softlysoftly Sat 30-Mar-13 09:34:57

Oh Hester that's sad but an unfair comment to make. There is a world of difference between needing some space and a total lack of physical affection.

KansasCityOctopus Sat 30-Mar-13 09:39:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jacksterbear Sat 30-Mar-13 09:40:58

hester sorry you had this experience. You are right of course, cuddles are essential, and lovely. I love cuddles. But there comes a point when it all becomes too intense, and too much, and everybody wants a piece of you ALL The Time, and you just want to shout "will you all just fuck off![sad

fruitstick Sat 30-Mar-13 09:43:46

Can I just say that I went to give my 4 year old a kiss & he just stuck his tongue in my mouth shockconfusedconfusedshock

Eww

I am very cuddly, and NEVER tell them. Hence my needing some space.

Maybe I need to introduce a few boundaries grin

HesterShaw Sat 30-Mar-13 09:45:59

My two year old nephew climbs all over my sister. She lets him at the moment, because she knows how little affection we got.

But you're right. There is a happy medium.

DD is talking at me now.
Nodding and smiling, nodding and smiling grin

RubyrooUK Sat 30-Mar-13 10:23:39

Oh that's sad Hester. I love my cuddles and would never stop cuddling my boys. They are the loves of my life and I tell them this about a million times a day. DS1 is kissed about a thousand times an hour. (And now DS2 is too.)

But sometimes when one is latched onto your boob and another one has a cheek pressed against yours and his hands in your hair, it can feel a bit like you need personal space....

thebody Sat 30-Mar-13 10:31:59

Cabbage your parents sound like mine.

Op of course your not selfish, completely understand and think every mum feels this way sometimes.

You need mummy time! That's a locked room ( bathroom) glass of wine, book and bubble bath. Noone allowed to disturb you for an hour.

Bliss.

MummyPig24 Sat 30-Mar-13 11:44:05

I feel like that too some days. Ds is 5 and not very cuddly at all but very noisy, constant chat and questions. Dd is quiet but sees me as a human climbing frame and wants to be in constant contact with me. It's really quite draining some days. Poor dp gets a bit neglected some days.

CabbageLeaves Sat 30-Mar-13 12:23:25

Hester. I fear ever being like the mother you describe hence I force a smile and focus as much attention as possible on them all. However it doesn't stop me rolling my eyes, gahing and think of turning to drink when it's so full on.

DD starts most days in bed with me. Her current statement is that we are soul mates / BFF ...because we were talking (with older DD) about this being a load of old codswallop and how there are lots of possible partners out there. So now the in joke is that she is my soulmate.

You know what...she's right. My kids are the closest thing I will ever have to soulmates

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