To be furious that DH has unilaterally gone and spent £5,000 on motorbike lessons, gear, insurance and a new motorbike

(33 Posts)
Fulhamup Thu 28-Mar-13 19:47:24

It's a classic mid life crisis. A propos of not much, DH decides that he needs a new hobby in which our DS, aged 6, might eventually be interested. I indulged him in getting motorbike lessons, thinking that we wouldn't go and buy a bike. I was wrong, he did and without consulting me or asking me about use of funds. We are both working but DH is having a tricky time at work and it could all go pear shaped. Naturally we have a big mortgage, plenty of outgoings, 2 DC. DH is 45 with plenty of grey hair and an otherwise generally sensible approach to life.

zwischenzug Thu 28-Mar-13 19:58:51

Not much point having the lessons if you aren't going to make use of them. It really depends on if £5k is a lot of money to you of whether YABU or not...

Fulhamup Thu 28-Mar-13 20:03:22

Yes, £5K is lot of money to me. We are financially secure assuming that DH doesn't lose his job, but I was a free school meals kid so I know what financial insecurity is like. It's not the money so much as the not asking me/ consulting me at all.

SnotMeReally Thu 28-Mar-13 20:04:54

I would be livid (but my DH would not do this!)

Would he be OK with you spending a similar amount of money - say splurging out on a spa weekend or loads of new jewellery "just because you felt like it" - you need to have a serious chat about finances and responsibilities - its dreadful that he did not feel the need to discuss this with you first

zwischenzug Thu 28-Mar-13 20:05:09

Ok well if it is a significant bit of money to you then yes I agree he deffo should have asked you first.

Pantah630 Thu 28-Mar-13 20:07:01

Cool what's he bought? grin

Fulhamup Thu 28-Mar-13 20:09:39

Very funny, Pantah. I believe it is a Yamaha TDM 900 - second hand.

Salmotrutta Thu 28-Mar-13 20:15:20

Well, it really does depend on your finances.

For example, we have one account (joint) and don't really discuss purchases normally but I'd expect DH to at least mention it if he was thinking of spending £5000.

Cos that's a substantial outgoing...

ooer Thu 28-Mar-13 20:15:52

YANBU at all.

Plus I'm confused by the bit about the 6 yr old DS potentially having an interest in this hobby later on. I can't think of anything I would less like my DSs to do when they are older [sorry all you bikers out there] , I would spend a lot of money and ingenuity just to keep them off motorbikes! Too bleddy dangerous. And I say this as an erstwhile biker's moll.

But £5k I would be livid.

Pantah630 Thu 28-Mar-13 20:17:18

He could have bought a TDM850 for less than a grand and had lots of change from another grand with his gear and insurance. Silly man. I'm a biker and unless my DH, DS or myself had scored a 750 sport, in yellow for that price would never happen, they're a classic I'd be up the wall with spending that sort of money, DH is tighter than me mind.

Therefore YANBU at all. smile

ParadiseChick Thu 28-Mar-13 20:17:41

Idiot. That bike is way to big for someone with all the gear and no idea.

But then if he did ask, he would either have received 'no' as an answer or a grudging 'yes' with lots of privisos and grief.

He has just done a shorthand version. It is unfair, it is unreasonable, but then perhaps there needs to be your shorthand to get him to acknowledge that it was wrong and how to deal with his anxiety.

Fulhamup Thu 28-Mar-13 20:19:13

Thanks for that Pantah, bike was £3,500. I am now even crosser.

Fulhamup Thu 28-Mar-13 20:22:05

ParadiseChick, I thought that but I frankly have no idea about bikes. The one plus point is a promise to go an advanced bike course. Is that helpful?

I am horrified about the suggestion to get DS interested in dangerous pastime but at this rate we are going to be divorced before DS gets to age 17.

ParadiseChick Thu 28-Mar-13 20:24:24

It doesn't have to be a dangerous pastime.

Helpful or not, it's a hell of a lot of engine between inexperienced legs.

Pantah630 Thu 28-Mar-13 20:26:11

paradise and fulhamup read TDM slowly under your breath, sound the m as in umm not em. I'd be a lot more concerned if a novice was jumping on a Gixer6 or other sports bike. They are the sure and steady workhorse of sensible touring riders and commuters.

YellowandGreenandRedandBlue Thu 28-Mar-13 20:26:27

I'd be livid, you don't spend £5k without a brief chat beforehand!

Salmotrutta Thu 28-Mar-13 20:28:02

LOL@ "brief chat beforehand" grin

Pantah630 Thu 28-Mar-13 20:31:18

Yes advanced training is preferable, especially for born agains, I'm assuming he rode in his youth. The brakes are the biggest difference, they work now, sometimes too well. The best thing is lots of experience though, send him on a round Britain ride with your blessing, he'll come home either loving it or never want to sit on a bike again.

Fulhamup Thu 28-Mar-13 20:31:29

Pantah, I am impressed by your expertise. I am informed by DH that this bike is the equivalent of a Ford Mondeo. So that's alright then!

Pantah630 Thu 28-Mar-13 20:32:15

And treat yourself and DS to a holiday while he's at it grin

Fulhamup Thu 28-Mar-13 20:32:59

No, not born again, no experience at all other than a short teenage flirt with a moped.

Pantah630 Thu 28-Mar-13 20:33:03

I'd have said micra but didn't want to upset him unnecessarily grin

Fulhamup Thu 28-Mar-13 20:34:28

Actually I insisted that he took it out in daylight today and will carry on insisting that he takes the f*****g thing out every day until he gets bored and cold.

Pantah630 Thu 28-Mar-13 20:38:00

Lol, bet he's riding to the local cafe and sitting with a hot drink until it looks like he's been gone long enough.

I'm in the bath as I'm fed up with the cold in my bones, it's a hard life being a Biker, wouldn't have it any other way though sorry.

Alligatorpie Thu 28-Mar-13 20:40:43

A friend of my mom's dh did the same thing, and came hime with a bike one day. She went out and bought herself a $10 000 diamond ring to make it equal, but, they could afford it.

I would pissed at dh. That's too muh money for one person to spend without talking it over first.

Xales Thu 28-Mar-13 21:02:19

Not very good if you don't have that sort of cash spare to do without talking with your partner.

I am a fair weather biker now, I am waiting for it to get a little warmer! I remember the nights sitting in the bath trying to warm my thighs before going to bed!

Cheaper than an affair/divorce though wink

WMittens Thu 28-Mar-13 21:58:33

I indulged him in getting motorbike lessons, thinking that we wouldn't go and buy a bike. I was wrong, he did...

I'm sorry, but what made you think getting lessons would be the end of it? Do people have driving lessons so they can get a little pink card and only ever travel by bus or taxi? Does a student get a medical degree so they can go on to a career selling double glazing?

QuintEggSensuality Thu 28-Mar-13 22:02:58

How did you conclude that taking motorbiking lessons would NOT conclude with him buying safety gear and a bike? confused

Dh rides a motorbike. Fantastically economical to run compared to a car, so the good news is that you will save money on petrol as he can use the bike for commuting to work, saving you both time and money. I think mostly parking for motorbikes is free.

Ach, my DH is buying a harley this weekend. such a cliche

But I know about it and its taken him 2 years to beat me down.
If I had done it out of our money without talking to me first, I would be out of the door and serving papers. He knows that.

StuntGirl Fri 29-Mar-13 02:17:52

If £5k is a significant sum of money to your family he was bang out of order to spend it without consulting you. I would be livid.

frikonastick Fri 29-Mar-13 04:04:33

Even of you DO have the money, surely such a large purchase would be something you would expect your partner to discuss with you?!?

For me this issue would be less about the amount, more the whole what the actual fuck about having a conversation and joint discussion.

Am willing to bet that the OP has never in their married life trotted off and dropped 5k on anything, so why on earth would it be ok for the DH to do so?

And not wanting to discuss it in case he got 'hassle' is the behavior of a child, not a grown man with kids and a mortgage.

sashh Fri 29-Mar-13 04:41:25


You have my deepest sympathy.


This is no what you want to hear but I think the little imps start at about 6

Go get yourself some leathers and some lessons. I did a 1 week course and passed.

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