To ask if you could punch a cake, which cake would you punch?

(163 Posts)
littlemissbunny Thu 28-Mar-13 19:25:56

Inspired by Marmalades thread, I have been thinking about how much fun cake punching would be!

I would like to punch a Victoria sponge, all that jam and cream splattering would be very satisfying grin

So what cake would you punch?

Inertia Thu 28-Mar-13 19:30:45

Coffee and walnut. Two of the world's most hideous foodstuffs in a cake that looks deceptively like nice carrot cake.

Lemon drizzle cake got an unfairly hard time on that thread - I love lemon drizzle cake (no it's not me smile )

NotAnotherPackedLunch Thu 28-Mar-13 19:33:24

Can I be awkward and punch a bakewell tart instead of a cake?
They always look very smug.

prettyfly1 Thu 28-Mar-13 19:35:59

Definitely those god-awful giant cupcakes - because hand-held sized piles of sickly sweet disgustiness arent awful in their own right someone decided they could be BIGGER. Bleurgh... Plus all that icing would make a really satisfying mess....

hazeyjane Thu 28-Mar-13 19:36:14

Battenburg, I would batter a battenburg.

BeingAWifeIsNotForMe Thu 28-Mar-13 19:36:59

Rum Baba quite like rum punch

LeonardoAcropolis Thu 28-Mar-13 19:37:20

The chick cake in Asda

Emilythornesbff Thu 28-Mar-13 19:38:06

Well definitely not a cornflake cake - too shardy with possibility of splinter injury.

Probably a Madeira cake (large) for its shock absorbing properties. Also, no frosting to have to clean from hands.
Yes, Madeira cake please.

Badvoc Thu 28-Mar-13 19:38:10

Any cake with vegetables in <narrows eyes at people who eat this shit>
I would punch the fuck out of a courgette cake and enjoy doing so.
Vegetables in cake!
Gah!
angry

ShatnersBassoon Thu 28-Mar-13 19:38:53

A boring madeira. It's a cake for people who don't know what they like.

TiggyD Thu 28-Mar-13 19:38:53

Overpriced cupcake. Particularly if it was a millimetre from the cake maker's face.

Emilythornesbff Thu 28-Mar-13 19:38:53

grin @ Leonardo

CryptoFascist Thu 28-Mar-13 19:39:11

I would karate chop a Yule Log.

WowOoo Thu 28-Mar-13 19:39:21

Meringue.

Coconut cake.
<vom>

Especially when it is masquerading as a naice cake!

Emilythornesbff Thu 28-Mar-13 19:40:24

The other good thing about punching a Madeira is I don't think anyone would miss it. As indicated by shatnersbassoon

ShatnersBassoon Thu 28-Mar-13 19:40:44

Meringue is definitely not cake. You have to choose again, WowOoo.

Battenburg, feckin vile stuff. Pink and yellow and marzepan, Bleugh.

LeonardoAcropolis Thu 28-Mar-13 19:42:04

Any cake made by Paul Hollywood

seriouscakeeater Thu 28-Mar-13 19:42:47

Chocolate fudge cake from cost co but then I would lick it of my hands grin

WillYouDoTheBunnyHop Thu 28-Mar-13 19:45:29

A black forest gateau, who ruins a perfectly good chocolate cake with cherries? Plus it would be satisfyingly squidgy

GetOeuf Thu 28-Mar-13 19:45:37

One of those barbie cakes where the cake is Barbie's dress. Punch barbie right in the kisser.

Or a wedding cake, a three tiered one. Smack the top tier right down through the levels.

Very pristinely iced royal icing christmas cakes could do with being scribbled on in black pen.

Beehatch Thu 28-Mar-13 19:45:41

One of those smug Red Velvet jobbies for sure, smack them upside their evil beetrooty souls I would.

ItsAllTLAsToMe Thu 28-Mar-13 19:46:48

Any nutty cake. FFS, why ruin a perfectly nice cake with nuts?

seriouscakeeater Thu 28-Mar-13 19:50:09

get grin

enormouse Thu 28-Mar-13 19:50:11

Birthday cake.

I'm allergic to eggs y'see so practically all cakes are off limits but birthday cakes hold a special place in my heart. I've had to endure hundreds of birthday parties watching everyone scoff cake. [Sob] even my own. (My parents insisted everyone would be expecting cake).

One of those comedy bum cakes.

MumOfMissy Thu 28-Mar-13 19:51:58

One of those hideous giant cakes from Costco with Anerucan 'frosting'. SIL wheels them out for her kids birthdays. Vile.

MumOfMissy Thu 28-Mar-13 19:52:23

* American *

Fruit cake. For happily ruining Christmases, weddings, Easters and other special occasions with its soggy, gritty disappointment.

GetOeuf Thu 28-Mar-13 19:55:56

Those big frosted tray bakes look vile. You would need to run at full tilt and hurl the thing SLAP against a big window rather than punch it, I think.

stealthsquiggle Thu 28-Mar-13 19:56:13

A big OTT American tiered wedding cake, in all it's over sweet butter creamed glory. It would make such a fantastic mess.

MammaTJ Thu 28-Mar-13 19:56:18

Battenburg! UGH!! All pink and yellow and fake and almondy!! UGH again!!

TeggieCampbeggBlegg Thu 28-Mar-13 19:57:01

Not technically cake but how brilliant would it be to punch a trifle?

SPLAT

i love trifle.

LeonardoAcropolis Thu 28-Mar-13 19:57:58

One of those many-tiered cakes from Big Fat Gypsy weddings, I could go at it like Mike Tyson. And be there all afternoon.

ShatnersBassoon Thu 28-Mar-13 19:58:39

Fruit cake's a good call. I'd love to give someone's miserable, long-lasting wedding cake a really good one-two. A cake prized for its ability to keep for a long time is essentially missing the point of cake.

BeingAWifeIsNotForMe Thu 28-Mar-13 19:59:02

Second thoughts one of the willy cakes on the other fred

PassNoRemark Thu 28-Mar-13 19:59:24

MoM, better or worse than the Asda "photo cake" that deserves a swift 1-2 in the cake-ribbon...

GetOeuf Thu 28-Mar-13 20:00:49

But the gypsy cakes wouldn't be satisfying to punch as they are made of polystyrene. You would have to catch them on fire <cackles>

Have you looked at www.cakewrecks.com for wonderfully revolting looking squishy cake madness? I love that site.

LetUsPrey Thu 28-Mar-13 20:07:13

I'm with Badvoc - cakes with vegetables = wrong. The words carrot and cake do not belong in the same sentence.

Unless it's to say "euurrgghh carrot cake is rank".

WillYouDoTheBunnyHop Thu 28-Mar-13 20:08:53

With you all on the fruit cake, with a special mention for the ones with dirty marzipan lurking under the icing

I'd say fruit cake but I know the correct answer is Lemon Drizzle.

cocolepew Thu 28-Mar-13 20:11:31

I'd drop kick Colin the Caterpillar.

scarletforya Thu 28-Mar-13 20:11:54

Eccles cake, teabags are not a cake ingredient.

drjohnsonscat Thu 28-Mar-13 20:18:48

a rum baba. I once chose one (not knowing what it was) in a cafe aged about 14 and have never got over the disappointment of it. I'd like to punch that doughnut impersonator right where it hurts.

drjohnsonscat Thu 28-Mar-13 20:19:34

also surely all gateaux need a punch

IAmSheWhoMustBeObeyed Thu 28-Mar-13 20:24:58

Fruit cake needs trashing but is too hard and gritty to punch so a baseball bat would be required.
Agree Victoria Sponge would be very satisfying and cupcakes need jumping up and down on, in wellies.

Badvoc Thu 28-Mar-13 20:31:21

Anything with cherries, marzipan or fruit on is the cake equivalent of the antichrist.
So wedding cake is pretty much the most evil cake in existence and must be destroyed.
<steely glint in eye>

SarahLundKicksAss Thu 28-Mar-13 20:36:36

Anything with bastard buttercream. Especially if it's a warm day and it's sliding limply down the sides of the cake - that would deserve a really good twatting.

where's the orginal thread BTW? I need to catch up with Marmalade and thunderthighs LDC lady...

girlwiththedragon Thu 28-Mar-13 20:37:19

I would slam that slimy sneaky Jamaican Ginger cake against the wall and then would probably have to burn it to ensure its demise. That effer made me SICK when I was expecting DS and I will never forgive it. Couldn't effectively punch it because its the slimy nasty skin.

RatPants Thu 28-Mar-13 20:38:36

A light, fluffy Victoria sponge.

girlwiththedragon Thu 28-Mar-13 20:39:41

because of its slimy nasty skin I mean

Bingdweller Thu 28-Mar-13 20:41:18

A Hello Kitty birthday cake. Smug wee fucker.

HappyDogRedDogToss Thu 28-Mar-13 20:49:23

I imagine a creamy meringue would really splat... but my heart choice would be Katy nobber I Can't Cook's courgette cake.

Lucyellensmum95 Thu 28-Mar-13 20:51:47

Anything made my Nigella smugface lawson

BikeRunSki Thu 28-Mar-13 20:54:20

Does pavlova count as a cake?

I fancy punching through the crunch of the meringue crust, into the gooey soft meringue and cream underneath.

And liking my hands clean afterwards!

girlwiththedragon Thu 28-Mar-13 20:58:12

What is a courgette cake? Is that like a solid vegetable pate? Bleurgh it sounds fucking vile. I will spare the Jamaica Ginger cake and punch the courgette pate freak-thing instead. Can we ask Katy-whoever to hold it while I punch it?

Inertia Thu 28-Mar-13 21:01:37

Cheesecake. Gooey claggy stuff.

trikken Thu 28-Mar-13 21:04:39

Im with all of you on the fruit cake. Grr fruitcake

Badvoc Thu 28-Mar-13 21:08:15

...and don't get me started on French fucking fancies!
They properly bring on the rage in me.
angry

QuintEggSensuality Thu 28-Mar-13 21:08:44

Chocolate fudge cake. Then I would lick my fist. grin

OxfordBags Thu 28-Mar-13 21:15:11

I'd roundhouse the shit out of Christmas cake. Yeah, you heard me. Bastard fruit cake and marzipan at the same time? Get fucked, you sick freak of a confection.

Battenburg also deserves some proper Bruce Lee-stylee punishment, the chequered cunt. Enter that dragon, motherfucker!

SecretLindtBunny Thu 28-Mar-13 21:16:02

Blackforest gateau.

Seventies throwback.

Badvoc Thu 28-Mar-13 21:16:46

Oh, and fucking stollen!
I mean...why? Just...why?

toxtethogrady Thu 28-Mar-13 21:20:42

battenberg. the evil half sibling of angel cake.

oh and fruit cake

TheBigJessie Thu 28-Mar-13 21:22:12

I'd perform an array of sophisticated kicks against a giant Magdalena cake.

Aldi's marzipan Stollen, on the other hand, is wonderful.

enormouse

That's terrible! Have you been supplied with lots of egg-free recipes since then? If not, try this cake! allrecipes.co.uk/recipe/2223/basic-chocolate-cake.aspx

OxfordBags Thu 28-Mar-13 21:22:34

Oh God, Stollen! Truly the proof that Satan walks amongst us (I also fucking hate panettone).

anonymosity Thu 28-Mar-13 21:23:22

a 4 tiered wedding cake and i would like to kick it!

KenDoddsDadsDog Thu 28-Mar-13 21:23:32

One of those long cream doughnuts or finger buns. Splat.

SanityClause Thu 28-Mar-13 21:26:04

DH has looked at me all confused, and said "Battenburg, of course!" There followed a long explanation about how the squares would help you gauge the strength of the punch and level of destruction, followed by the statement "Battenburg is the crash test dummy of cakes!" shock and confused and grin

montage Thu 28-Mar-13 21:46:11

I immediately thought of Battenburg but could not have explained why half so well as Sanity's DH.

macreturnofthe Thu 28-Mar-13 21:47:38

banana cake for fooling you into thinking its a nice fruit cake...until you discover it tastes of banana - BLEURGHHHH!!!!

I went to a meeting once where the host always made great cake (my favorite meetings) I was very excited by the prospect of fruit cake, helped my self to a large piece. Can you imagine my disappointment at finding it was banana cake, I had to keep a straight face, resist the urge to vomit and smile and say how great it was.

I then spent the rest of the meeting trying to work out how to hide the rest:
1. without being spotted
2. without ruining my notes, laptop or pockets

moral of the story - always check what the cake is before eating it!

PickledInAPearTree Thu 28-Mar-13 21:51:23

Id like to kick the fuck out of a wedding cake.

FannyBazaar Thu 28-Mar-13 21:52:17

The cake that someone proudly presents as one they have 'made' themselves with a smug grin but when asked more, admits it's out of a packet mix. That's precisely the point at which I want to punch it.

doorbellringer Thu 28-Mar-13 21:57:04

I though someone would have said the Iceland Xmas Bailey's wonder by now!?

I'd get all Chuck Norris on Danish Patries. Stodgy fucking glazed disappointments!

KenDoddsDadsDog Thu 28-Mar-13 21:59:54

grin doorbell ringer !

INeedThatForkOff Thu 28-Mar-13 22:03:44

Fruit cake is fucking lovely you weirdos

I'm struggling to think if a cake I don't like blush but will go for a pavlova with all its fruity faux-wholesomeness. It would make a satisfyingly soggy crunch, too.

doorbellringer Thu 28-Mar-13 22:03:47

*pastries. Even the thought of them renders me illiterate!

Cakebitch Thu 28-Mar-13 22:05:16

That fucking sachertorte that messed up on me today, that im going to have to go and deal with tomorrow, and almost certainly have to throw it in the bin. Might just drop kick it across the kitchen first.

My two most hated things in the world are lavender and chocolate/lime (it pains me to write these words) so mine would be

Key Lime Pie with chocolate curls (or even worse, the Key Lime Pie with chocolate digestive base that Nigella made)
and
those poncey genteel cakes with lavender icing (why. Just why ?)

Finola1step Thu 28-Mar-13 22:24:49

Dundee cake. My aunt used to make us a Dundee cake every Christmas as a "family gift" instead of giving us kids proper presents! Every effing year! What 7 year old wants an effing Dundee cake for Xmas?

So now I would happily mash up any Dundee cake that my aunt ever dares to make.

Kneedeepindaisies Thu 28-Mar-13 22:36:54

Those fucking Earl Grey cakes I keep seeing everywhere.
Poncey bastards.

JumpHerWho Thu 28-Mar-13 22:47:35

An aggressively made Christmas cake. No! No! No, I don't want to eat a dense, calorie laden and nutritionally pointless box, ta.

JumpHerWho Thu 28-Mar-13 22:49:18

70isalimit - take it you're not a fan of the only cake I can make then - Nigella's chocolate lime cake with boozy cream? Google it though , best cake ever. The only one I've ever deigned to make...

Catmint Thu 28-Mar-13 23:07:11

Fondant fancies, would punch them in volleyball style. Yuck.

If pies are allowed, lemon meringue. Foul.

WallyBantersJunkBox Thu 28-Mar-13 23:30:38

Two words:

Black forest gateaux

Hammer

WallyBantersJunkBox Thu 28-Mar-13 23:33:03

Okay, we'll 4 words then. blush

I'm off to live in a tree house in Bavaria tomorrow. Don't tempt me.

WallyBantersJunkBox Thu 28-Mar-13 23:34:01

Well not we'll aaaaaaargggghh pass me a donut to stamp my anger out on NOW!!!!

lashingsofbingeinghere Fri 29-Mar-13 03:42:43

Colin the caterpillar here is definitely asking for it. I'd soon wipe the smile off his face. <cracks knuckles>

lashingsofbingeinghere Fri 29-Mar-13 03:43:40

Just to be clear, Colin is a cake, not a person.

BookieMonster Fri 29-Mar-13 04:32:35

I'd quite like to twat a plate of Mr Kipling's fondant fancies in their plasticky cream, dayglo sickly icing faces. You'd get a good six punches in if you went for the fuckers on an individual basis.

MrsSchadenfreude Fri 29-Mar-13 07:08:55

One of those little plain things that you put jam and cream on. But you'd have to be quick, before it's scone.

<groan>

DublinMammy Fri 29-Mar-13 07:20:59

All cakes with marzipan deserve to have the shit beaten out of them.

DublinMammy Fri 29-Mar-13 07:29:26

Would it be wrong to crucify cakes, just for today?

<gets into Easter spirit>

Upside down pineapple cake. POW.
Black Forest would make a satisfying splatter as I heaved it into someone's face.

WestieMamma Fri 29-Mar-13 09:43:22

Stollen. Pure evil disguised as cake. KILL! KILL! KILL!

gordyslovesheep Fri 29-Mar-13 10:10:25

rice 'cakes' ...what is the point ...they are vile

OxfordBags Fri 29-Mar-13 10:31:43

Doughnuts can shit off too. They'll be all hole once I've finished with them.

MarmaladeTwatkins Fri 29-Mar-13 10:47:45

Lemon Drizzle Cake.

judgementofsolomon Fri 29-Mar-13 10:59:51

Hideous, tasteless, dry marble cake as served at DCs' school events, sports days etc. A sneaky punch to dislodge it from the trestle table, then stampstampstamp.

Machli Fri 29-Mar-13 11:03:44

Red Velvet cake. It looks horrible and I cannot imagine it tastes very nice with that amount of food colouring in it.

Its cake but its horrible. Thats wrong!

TiggyD Fri 29-Mar-13 11:24:25

Is there something...'sexual' about Red Velvet cake?

MarmaladeTwatkins Fri 29-Mar-13 11:39:12

I don't know, Tigs. Is there?

<pulls chair up closer to Tiggy>

TiggyD Fri 29-Mar-13 11:44:31

The way some people talk about it, the scarlet insides, the sensual word "Velvet", the "Mmmmmmmms" when you tuck in...

I'm just off for a walk. Back later.

Machli Fri 29-Mar-13 11:45:16

I don't know. There's just a WRONGNESS about it and I don't know for sure what it is <<ponders>>

TheBigJessie Fri 29-Mar-13 11:47:00

On the subject of cake...

My three-year-old has just informed me he will be having a snail cake on his fourth birthday. I can't bake. Where do I buy one of these?

Machli Fri 29-Mar-13 11:49:30

grin At "aggressively made Christmas cake". That's a perfect description.

DublinMammy Fri 29-Mar-13 12:47:27

Jessie, cut a Swiss roll into slices, make "feelers" out of.....something (not an expert, cheesestraws?) and voila! Individual snail cakes....

TheBigJessie Fri 29-Mar-13 12:48:38

<writes down>

Thank you!

JohnSnowsTie Fri 29-Mar-13 12:55:32

This thread reminds me of the time the host of a BBQ I was at drop-kicked a carrot cake into his neighbour's garden.

OxfordBags Fri 29-Mar-13 13:06:57

Or, Big Jessie, get a swiss roll and bake one single circular sponge. Stand circle sponge on its side, for the shell, shove swiss roll up to it to make the body, secrete it all in place with a fuckload of chocolate icing and bung 2 lollipops into the end of the swiss roll for feelers. If you're feeling mental really swish, place some smarties in swirl on both sides of the shell, then mix some dessicated coconut with green food colouring and place that round the snail to look like grass. Shove a couple of sugar flowers out of a packet onto it.

Yes, it's me, Martha Stewart. Honestly. That'll be £50 please. I accept Paypal.

GetOeuf Fri 29-Mar-13 14:27:09

NO at stollen. God I love that. But it's 90 percent marzipan, and the rest is fruit, so not really a cake per se.

Cantbelieveitsnotbutter Fri 29-Mar-13 14:52:07

Fresh cream sponge, right in the middle
BAM
grin

WallyBantersJunkBox Fri 29-Mar-13 14:57:32

That dry mealy quark cake they serve up in Germany every day at 3pm.

Shove a firework in it, light the blue touch paper......

KABOOOOOM!

splat

WowOoo Fri 29-Mar-13 14:57:46

I've only just come back to this thread.

Thought Meringue could pass as a cake. The crunch would be satisfying.

Ok then, i'll punch one of those ready made children's birthday cakes.
The Gruffalo one might be good.

deemented Fri 29-Mar-13 14:59:34

Jaffa Cakes.

They just aren't big enough, little fuckers.

greenandcabbagelooking Fri 29-Mar-13 15:01:32

Carrot cake with nuts. Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy have you ruined a perfectly edible cake with nuts?

Inertia Fri 29-Mar-13 15:55:42

I know we are not really allowed to branch out into confectionery, but I could smash a walnut whip to smithereens.

theodorakisses Fri 29-Mar-13 16:15:00

Easy. Cupcakes. When did a £3 muffin with a frosting become so important. Actually, wouldn't punch, would sit on and squash said latest accessory (along with a handbag dog and blacked out Hummer.

dingit Fri 29-Mar-13 16:19:33

My Dds One Direction Cake. I didn't though, just enjoyed chopping them up grin

MollyBee Fri 29-Mar-13 16:23:57

I would love to cave in a Batternburg, and smell the sweet almondy smell of violence on my knickles. I fact I am off to Sainsburys now to kick Mr Kiplings' cakey butt.

Coffee and walnut. Punching it would be far more satisfying than eating the revolting bugger.

littlemissbunny Fri 29-Mar-13 17:06:31

If we are allowed to punch two at the same time, I would punch a Victoria sponge with one hand and a lemon meringue with the other grin

Just think of the mess and my hands would taste yummy

Tortington Fri 29-Mar-13 17:08:19

jaffa cakes are biscuits. smile

i'd slap shit out of a chocolate roll - its a waste of chocolate and cake - a fucking WASTE

Badvoc Fri 29-Mar-13 17:13:15

Bring em all on, the fuckers.

oopsadaisymaisy Fri 29-Mar-13 17:15:55

I was having such a shit day until this thread. Pickledinapeartree, I actually cried laughing when I got to you. smile

littlemissbunny Fri 29-Mar-13 17:57:15

Would punching a fruit cake not hurt though?

Perhaps there should be different categories?

Cake punching
Biscuit punching
Cakes that are too hard to punch therefore need hammering?

Any others grin bear

Ffuntimewincies Fri 29-Mar-13 18:03:24

Battenburg

70s teatime marzipan bastard

deemented Fri 29-Mar-13 18:10:59

No Custy you are wrong.

Jaffa cakes are not biscuits. The clue is in the name wink

dawntigga Fri 29-Mar-13 18:14:00

The green dome cake things in Morrisons - we call them snot bomb cakes, they look nice but don't have real cream in them.

BastardsTiggaxx

meddie Fri 29-Mar-13 18:15:09

Arctic roll... I could happily punch the crap out of that soggy, cold, gritty, sponge.

peachyglow Fri 29-Mar-13 18:29:09

Christmas cake- pointless and traditional all at the same time, ruined by marzipan and takes fecking hours to make. I'd quite like to behead a brioche or 2, line them up and go all karate kid on them

I would punch fuck out of ANY cake, with my mouth (misses point)

UserError Fri 29-Mar-13 18:32:06

The 1/2 syn cake, chickpea cake or any other heinous Slimming World creation pretending to be cake. YOU ARE NOT CAKE.

FakeHotCrossLobsters Fri 29-Mar-13 18:34:33

I'd punch one of those meringue type cakes with fruit on them. Or those cupcakes with hard, flat icing on them.

DH just said he'd punch a wedding cake.

DS said he wouldn't punch a cake, he'd eat one.

ShipwreckedAndComatose Fri 29-Mar-13 18:36:28

Dunno about punching one but have always wanted to zit a mousse like John Belhiush did in Animal House

ShipwreckedAndComatose Fri 29-Mar-13 18:36:54

Bugger! Animal House

Emilythornesbff Fri 29-Mar-13 18:38:07

Walking through the baked goods aisle in waitrose gave me a new frisson of excitement today after ading this thread.

Iwas temptedby their Easter offering "lucky lamb" but just couldn't do it. Motherhood has made me too sentimental.

Sorry.blush

Emilythornesbff Fri 29-Mar-13 18:43:00

And i believe jaffa cakes have been formally and legally given cake status custy

RaspberrySchnapps Fri 29-Mar-13 18:47:48

respect for OxfordBags martial arts skills

<shoulders grenade launcher and takes careful aim at a pile of Battenbergs>

BOOOOM. poot. fooooof.

DameFanny Fri 29-Mar-13 19:19:59

What are those horrible things people used to do, sponge casing looking like a Flan base, bits of fruit in jelly in the middle? I would punch that very hard, but I'd need gloves on so I didn't actually have to touch it.

Please tell us more about the drop-kicked cake at the barbecue johnsnow?

Loislane78 Fri 29-Mar-13 19:44:29

Those chocolate profiteroles that are tiered up in plastic containers - I'd do that.

Don't get me wrong, I like an eclair/profiterole as much as the next person if the next person is a greedy choc-aholic but the splodge out of the the sides would be brilliant!!! Those plastic containers were designed for punching directly from above for maximum cream spillage.

TrollFoot Fri 29-Mar-13 19:52:31

There's a lot of cake anger here.

PickledInAPearTree Fri 29-Mar-13 20:21:34

You could pop profiteroles like big creamy zits. Satisfying.

ShipwreckedAndComatose Fri 29-Mar-13 20:22:34

Yes, yes!!! Lets do it

ShipwreckedAndComatose Fri 29-Mar-13 20:23:32

Cake and sporn all in one go!

I love it when he does that in the film!!

littlemissbunny Fri 29-Mar-13 21:07:29

It's a good job I'm not working this weekend as we sell those profiterole towers and I don't know if I could resist the urge to punch them all grin

Jemma1111 Fri 29-Mar-13 21:35:33

I would get one of those sponge cakes with the icing and have my ex's photo printed onto it , then I would punch fuck out of it !

I think I might find that quite therapeutic
grin

Tortington Sat 30-Mar-13 10:57:06

jaffa cakes are a biscuit.

one does not dunk cake in civilized society. one doe dunk jaffa

It would be a Croquenbouche for me. They're all 'ooh la la, get me, I'm French you know and very, very sophisticated.' I wouldn't punch it though, just pull out one of the bottom profiteroles then stand back and watch it crumple before my eyes. Ha.

SamuelWestsMistress Sat 30-Mar-13 11:54:54

I'd love to run into a wedding just as they were about to cut the cake and absolutely smash it to bits, throwing cake at all the guests and splitting it in the mother of the brides face,nor something equally outrageous. It would need to be one of those huge 6 tiered jobs. I'd proper body slam it. Huuuuuuuuuuuh!!! SPLAT.

SamuelWestsMistress Sat 30-Mar-13 11:56:13

Splitting = splitting. I would never split the face of a mother of the bride.

SamuelWestsMistress Sat 30-Mar-13 11:56:52

SPLATTING SPLATTING SPLATTING GOD DAM YOU IPAD CUNT!

ShipwreckedAndComatose Sat 30-Mar-13 12:01:10

grin

Not just me and my iPad, then!

PickledInAPearTree Sat 30-Mar-13 12:52:03

I might book you for my wedding Samuel. I'll get a face guard for my poor old mum.

Christmas cake...I hate fruit cake, marzipan and royal icing. The only pleasure I'd get from it is blatting it with something hard.

DameFanny Sat 30-Mar-13 17:35:58

Had to issue a correction here.

jaffa cakes are cakes not biscuits

Cake goes hard when it stales, biscuits go soft.

Thank you.

SofaCanary Sat 30-Mar-13 18:18:35

Cupcakes - twee little fuckers.

xigris Sat 30-Mar-13 18:22:21

scrambled egg lemon drizzle or otherwise a beautifully crafted twee sickly cupcake grin

xigris Sat 30-Mar-13 18:22:57

Psychic X posting Sofa!

SofaCanary Sat 30-Mar-13 18:25:52

That's definitely sealed his fate grin

xigris Sat 30-Mar-13 18:26:46

Preferably one with little butterflies or hearts on fuckers

SofaCanary Sat 30-Mar-13 18:26:51

Bah, I wanted one with bunny ears, like this grin

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