to be pissed off with dh

(155 Posts)
uptherear Thu 28-Mar-13 09:05:14

Dh works p/t half through previous unfortunate circumstances but half because he prefers it.
He enjoys his job and has less stresses than before.
Of course we are skint but I am a good budgeter!
So we cant afford treats but i bake to give dcs a treat for school break and occasional budget a 6 pack of crisps as these are dds favourite treat.

I used to have to hide them or dh would scoff them despite my saying these are for the dc. But recently we have had discussions and I expressed my frustration at having to go to the troubke of hiding treats. He should know as I do that we can only afford these as a little occasional treat for the dc. My treat is that I get to be a sahm, his treat is doing a piss easy job he loves p/t the kids miss out on stuff we could once afford so I like to get them a little treat for school snack every once in a while. They get fed up with scones/muffins/flapjacks that i have made.

Dh scoffed the last pavk of crisps that was in the basket for her snack today. Dh claims he ate them because only 1pack so thought it'd be ok. We have 2 school age dc and one preschool. Ds prefers a biccy as a treat so had one aside for him and crisps for dd who ended up in tears going to school with a biccy that she isnt fussed about.
Fed up wiyh everyone everyone making sacrifices and dh helpjng jimself to whatever he fancies :-(
So pissed off. Am i an unreasonable control freak?!

PollyEthelEileen Thu 28-Mar-13 09:08:48

I would say not to sweat the small stuff.

purplewithred Thu 28-Mar-13 09:09:16

YANBU about the crisps. But I do think your setup is hard on the kids, personally.

Cluffyfunt Thu 28-Mar-13 09:12:01

I would be verry pissed off at that kind of selfishness.

I know it sounds small, but I believe that things like that can chip away at a relationship and breed contempt.

auforfoulkesake Thu 28-Mar-13 09:12:30

I HAVE THE Same issues with my dh, but if it isn't him it is the dc's stealing food and why shouldn't he eat, that's his excuse.

no solution.
supply can never meet demand.

givemeaclue Thu 28-Mar-13 09:12:58

If things are really so tight that you are counting crisps them need to look again at your financial situation. If dp only works part time then could you work part time too? Half a job between two of you does sound like too little. If you both worked part time then you could all have crisps. Why is it only dp role to provide financially?

auforfoulkesake Thu 28-Mar-13 09:13:03

you know crisps are bad for you ?

Whoknowswhocares Thu 28-Mar-13 09:13:09

If you are so hard up that a packet of crisps is this much of a big deal, then one or both of you need to step up and work proper hours. Half a job between 2 adults is ridiculous, since you quite clearly say it is a lifestyle choice, not a lack of employment
Living in such a way is unfair on your kids and the taxpayer

WorraLiberty Thu 28-Mar-13 09:14:10

He's very selfish but I agree with purple, the way you're both choosing to live does sound quite hard on the kids.

uptherear Thu 28-Mar-13 09:14:28

Its hard not to sweat the small stuff when small stuff is all we can afford.

The situation is only hard on the dc in terms off material things. Its a personal choice and I think the time we have to spend doing stuff as a family makes up for not being able to afford fancy things. Even if i wanted things to change the job opportunities just dont exist at the moment.

livinginwonderland Thu 28-Mar-13 09:14:52

you can't support a family on part-time wages. it's not fair on your children. either your DH needs to get a full-time job or you need to find a part-time job yourself.

how do you really expect to raise three children on a job of about 20 hours a week? that's ridiculous.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Thu 28-Mar-13 09:15:25

I think you are both being a bit selfish, actually. Choosing to work so little and seeing your DCs go without.

imaginethat Thu 28-Mar-13 09:16:02

I think some men just don't get it. I remember my ex used to eat gingerbread men I'd baked for the kids. I mean fgs

RedHelenB Thu 28-Mar-13 09:16:28

I take it he works 24 hours so you get the tax credits but even if you did a few hours you would fins that you had more money for "treats" and an option for more hours as the children got older. Are you saying you never have crisps at all?

auforfoulkesake Thu 28-Mar-13 09:16:31

but the working is not the issue, it is the eating crisps.

WallyBantersJunkBox Thu 28-Mar-13 09:17:49

Very childish of him to not be able to curb his temptation for treats when he chose to live on the breadline.

If he wants treats for himself he should go out and earn more money to pay for them. It's not fair to expect the DC to understand this.

Or teach him to make microwave crisps from a baking potato when he has his "urges"

Perhpas steer the DC away from these forms of treats and make treats something of a healthier non food variety - such as playing a special game with dad, or building a tent in the living room with sheets and pillows.

Naysa Thu 28-Mar-13 09:19:07

My dad used to do this to my sister and I. It got to he point where we would eat our share in one go rather than have him steal our share aswell as eating his own.

He used to work p/t and would justify it by saying he worked harder than us so deserved more.

It got to the point where my sister would stash food and I would eat until I threw up. Just to make sure he couldn't take what was our's. My mum had to stop buying us treats but he still wanted snack bar and crisps to take to work. angry

Your husband is sending such a bad messge to his children. If they're anything like we were they'll resent him having anything.

Montybojangles Thu 28-Mar-13 09:20:33

Umm, get a part time Job maybe.
Something like cleaning or dog walking can be fairly flexiible. One of my friends takes in ironing for extra cash.

dreamingofsun Thu 28-Mar-13 09:21:11

agree with the of you needs to get more paid employment. if you are counting crisps this situation is so dire that it can't go on. if anything breaks you are going to be in financial ruin and this isn't fair on the kids. as they get older they will become more expensive and as things stand they will be unable to do lots of things their mates do.

Montybojangles Thu 28-Mar-13 09:23:38

I think the work is the issue though. If you are rationing things to such an extent, but have capacity to change the situation then that is equally the issue.

Out of curiosity what treats does your husband get? Im not sure classing his job as his treat is acceptable, maybe for you, but possibly not for him.

auforfoulkesake Thu 28-Mar-13 09:24:05

perhaps op is in a benefit trap, you can only work so many hours in order to claim certain benefits.
I know we are.
my dh took a part time job after being made redundant, it was meant to be for 6 months, but there is Nothing Else out for there him. Nothing.

but the issue is the crisps. or lack of.

YoothaJoist Thu 28-Mar-13 09:25:48

This is a really sad thread. What sort of father steals his own children's treats?

Agree with the others - your 'life style choices' are really hard on your kids and your selfish DP is a twat.

uptherear Thu 28-Mar-13 09:27:02

My dh and i moved 200 miles from family friends for his previous job. 3 years down the line was made redundant. Had a years temp full time work and then only p/t permanent in his field. Means he works away from home. Youngest is 3 and so I have 2.5 hrs per day childfree. Not many jobs can fit round these hours and we live in a very remote place with no family to care for the dc whilst i work. Plus the jobs are bloody scarce tbh.

Dc only miss out on the treats for school or softplay being a regular thing etc. Now softplay is a very special treat once in a while and they have carrot sticks/an apple/ homebaking for snack. Tbh they are prob healthier for it. They as before eat healthy meals that i cook from scratch and attend all the usual after school clubs etc. I can budget to ensure my kids dont miss out. Just pisses me off dh doesnt feel the need to help with this.

And dh wants to work, he wasnt prepared to completely for go his career to be a sahp whereas I did. We are both graduates with years of full time work behind us. We used savings to dramatically reduce mort to get us out of a huge dark whole that redundancy brought about.

If things are that tight that to buy a six pack of crisps is an ocassional treat then you nee to take a hard look at your parent not working and the other working part time is no ideal set up especially if you have three kids.

It's all well and good for you and DH but not great for the kids.

sorry, x post there.

givemeaclue Thu 28-Mar-13 09:32:11

It is always possible to do cleaning, ironing, babysitting, pub work etc for extra money. How do you only have 2.5 hours per day to work when your dp is only part time? When he is not at work, you can work! It does sound like neither of you can be bothered to work enough to get yourselves out of this poverty, but arguing about crisps says your current situation isn't working.

RedHelenB Thu 28-Mar-13 09:32:32

Sorry but I don't think he is being overly unreasonable - i know i'm going against the grain here but he didn't think 1 packet was specifically meant for the children. And if he's earning the money why can't he have a pack!!!

auforfoulkesake Thu 28-Mar-13 09:33:23

but you said it was a personal choice?

GadaboutTheGreat Thu 28-Mar-13 09:34:19

Your 'treat' is to be a SAHM? confused

Sorry but it just seems there is not enough money to go around if a six pack of crisps is such a big deal - they cost maybe a quid a throw? confused

So since you're asking (and it's AIBU), I think one or both of you need to start thinking more of your family's needs and less of your personal desires to not spend time working. I can't think of anyone I know who would be able to live a comfortable lifestyle on one partner working PT and the other not at all - if it was that simple we'd all be doing it smile

Seems a bit of a waste of your years of Uni Education TBH.

uptherear Thu 28-Mar-13 09:37:52

Its not an ideal situation. The jobs are just not there. We are stuck where we are because of house situation. We have no family nearby to help with childcare and no way we could afford to pay childcare in holidays for 3 children. Tbh i would rather they went without snacks and had me there for them each day. Dc are happy in general but not when DH scoffs their treats. Last week Dd had an easter egg in fridge that she was making last having a little bit each day. One day she just found crumbs because Dh had been helping himself. She was gutted.
Dh can buy himself a pack of crisps or a six pack to keep at work. I dont mind him having a treat. I do mind him taking food from the dc.

The lack of moneh i can manage. Jis selfishness i cannot.

flossy101 Thu 28-Mar-13 09:38:09

If one packet of crisps is such a big deal I think I would be looking at changing the family circs.

If your DH works part time can you not work on the days he has off?

Then you need to tell him that if he wants to eat whatever he fancies, he has the find the means to pay for extra food!

You say that it's not ideal and that the jobs are not there - maybe I've got the wrong end of the stick then... I was replying from the POV that this was a lifestyle choice, not that your H is trying to get a FT job but can't....

DiscoDonkey Thu 28-Mar-13 09:40:25

If your dh is only pt then i don't see why you can't find work to fit around his hours, evenings, weekends?

PollyEthelEileen Thu 28-Mar-13 09:42:56

How about making longer gaps between treats, so that everyone can have a packet of crisps at the same time?

There's something wrong about food being earmarked for individual family members and not shared by all (unless someone is on a special diet).

Sharing food together is a fundamental part of family life.

takeaway2 Thu 28-Mar-13 09:43:14

I would definitely look to up the hours or you to work as well. You said yourself that it's a luxury for you to be a sahm. Clearly it's not when you're bickering over a pack of crisps!!!

You can take on work that allows you to work from home, at night or during those 2.5hrs a day...? Editing work? Surveys on the net? Etc? Transcribing? It sounds like you're wasting your years of work experience and uni education tbh.

nailak Thu 28-Mar-13 09:43:25

She doesn't wan to work, I,doubt people telling her to will make her want to.

Op what are your husbands hours. What does he do on his days off? Why do you keep talking about childcare? There have been many jobs staying at home mentioned, plus your dh is home two days? Have you thought about volunteering? What are you both doing to increase employability?

uptherear Thu 28-Mar-13 09:43:34

Jobs are just not there. We live in a tiny little place.
With any job that comes up so far there is a difficulty. Dh works tue/wed/thu 150 miles away. Believe me I have looked. I even applied for a job cleaning compost toilets but didnt get it anyway. Its often who you know here.

gallifrey Thu 28-Mar-13 09:44:02

Sorry but a 12 pack of smart price crisps from Asda cost 67p, what sort of crisps are you buying for this to be such a massive issue?

auforfoulkesake Thu 28-Mar-13 09:44:21

sad he ate her easter egg.
he is selfish and I think you need to Have Words

nailak Thu 28-Mar-13 09:44:47

I don't see how using your education to raise your kids is a waste

DeepRedBetty Thu 28-Mar-13 09:52:08

Lots of us have had to scrabble around to find a part time job that fits with school/children etc.

For a start if you were round here I could offer an hour's work every term time lunch time weekday to walk dogs. Even at minimum wage that's several bags of crisps.

Three shops and two pubs have signs out looking for staff.

And I'm about to advertise for a cleaner two hours a week.

Or if you don't fancy getting your hands dirty, I know the office two doors down are looking for an occasional proof reader.

DeepRedBetty Thu 28-Mar-13 09:55:00

I do agree that it takes a while to get to know people and a lot of jobs don't get advertised. I plead guilty, six of my staff are people I already knew, four of them I approached and asked if they wanted to do it, the other two approached me, but I already knew them, and only one was a stranger who approached me. She is however one of the best!

ivanapoo Thu 28-Mar-13 10:09:05

Can you not use your nursery hours for a full day or two instead of 2.5 hours every day?

That was you could work 3 days a week for example

But as pp has said you clearly don't want to work so...

Maybe you should stop buying crisps and treats full stop. Sounds like they cause more trouble than they're worth.

Poppet48 Thu 28-Mar-13 10:15:42

Your DH works 150 miles away 3 days a week? Surely travel costs are eating there way into your DH's wages?

I'm sorry but I agree with other posters, This situation is not fair for your DC's. Either your DH should go to work full time or you should find a job to help with your financial situation.

Fighting over a packet of crisps is not a healthy lifestyle for anyone.

Merrylegs Thu 28-Mar-13 10:26:22

Ok. Leaving aside the 'it's only 10p for a packet of crisps' argument. Have a labelled tupperware snack box for each of your dc. Put the chosen snack in there the night before and close lid. Put snack box in book bag. It is easy to snaffle a pack of crisps from a basket or a biscuit from a tin without really thinking. So make it less easy. Or at least give him a visual reminder.

DiscoDonkey Thu 28-Mar-13 10:28:26

Your dc's are learning that yours and your dh's wants and needs come before theirs. It's pretty shitty behaviour to eat a kids chocolate that they have rationed because they know treats are so rare. I know you don't agree with his behaviour but if he isn't willing to gain some self control then he or you need to step up so that their is more money in the pot.

NatashaBee Thu 28-Mar-13 10:39:02

Your DH sounds very selfish. Both regarding the crisps, and in general. I don't understand how you can bring up kids on 20 hours work a week. If an extra pack of crisps is a struggle, what happens if you need to pay for a school trip/ something else unexpected?

Have just read the thread properly and am shock that your H pinched your DCs Easter Egg! He's an arsehole.

I hear what you're saying OP -- you have lots of time to give your DC and that's more important than material things.

But, we're not talking about material things like ipods and ski trips and designer clothes. We're talking about cheap snacks. I don't think it's healthy for anyone to be holding these up as rare treats, something that has to be savoured over days and guarded carefully or else Dad will eat them.

It's actually normal human psychology to want little treats. Even in really poor countries where people live on a dollar a day, they still forgo necessities sometimes to have treats.

I do think your DH is behaving very badly, and I understand why you are upset, but I think you need to look at the bigger picture. Half a job between two adults is not really sustainable. You have four days a week when your DH doesn't work. Even a few hours of random work here and there could make a big difference.

MiniEggsJumpedInMyBasket Thu 28-Mar-13 10:46:41

I'm sorry but I think it shouldn't be a lifestyle choice that your husband can just choose to work part time in an easy low paid job and you can choose to be a SAHM when you have no money! Presumably you are relying on the state to provide top ups. Tax credits aren't there to allow someone to just pootle along doing a part time job because they can't be bothered to work more hours. Could you not get a part time job to fit in with your husband's hours? Evenings? Weekends?

We'd all love to work part time in an easy job that we 'love' but it's not always possible. Sometimes needs must.

And it can't be nice for your children to always have to go without, no matter how much you justify it, it just isn't fair on them.

lottiegarbanzo Thu 28-Mar-13 10:48:00

The attitude is an issue, as presumably he'd be putting himself first if you had a higher income and bigger treats too.

That's all really. He thinks he's more important than the children, you don't. You need to discuss that again and impress upon him the need to think of ther needs first, so always assume things are for them unless he knows otherwise for certain. Really wanting them to have things, rather than himself, is quite a leap in perspective though.

whois Thu 28-Mar-13 10:54:15

I think you are both being selfish and prioritising your own needs over the whole families requirements.

If crisps are such a massive deal, then all this not working clearly isn't working for the family and you both need to up the hours of paid work. Not rocket science.

Or you stop buying crisps full stop.

Re the Easter egg - my dad was a right scoffer (as am I) for sweets chocolate and would defo have tucked into an Easter egg in the fridge. Difference is, he worked enough to doing home enough cash to buy a replacement the next day...

NatashaBee Thu 28-Mar-13 10:56:36

Have you thought about what will happen when Universal Credit comes in? At least one of you will have to work full time then... Best to plan for it now, rather than be forced into a job you don't want.

Ilovesunflowers Thu 28-Mar-13 10:59:54

What would you do if your boiler broke and needed replacing? or any other life obstacle like this.

Your husband needs to up his hours or you NEED to work. It doesn't sound like you want to work but you would be doing it for your children. What happens when they get a bit older and clothes and shoes cost more, youth club fees, parties etc. Things cost more as kids get older.

You can say all you like about the job shortages but you knew that and so did your husband when he chose to go part time...madness. You could even try babysitting work. If you are on fb ask if anyone has any babysitting or odd job work. I'm sure you'd find something.

All this over a bag of crisps. I feel sorry for your kids. People run into financial difficulty and I understand that but choosing financial difficulty is a different thing entirely and this seems to be your path.

squeakytoy Thu 28-Mar-13 11:07:16

What about holidays, birthdays, christmas? One adult in a family choosing to work part time while the other chooses to stay at home is not fair on the kids.

If he works 150 miles away, then why not move there?

noblegiraffe Thu 28-Mar-13 11:08:15

If you live in the middle of nowhere with no family nearby, no jobs available and 150 miles away from where your DH works, why not move closer to family where there are jobs?

MiniEggsJumpedInMyBasket Thu 28-Mar-13 11:09:16

We live in a rural area, with few jobs and the ones that there are are badly paid. DH and I have both started our own businesses. My youngest goes to nursery now but until recently I fit it in during the day whilst he played, and then did a bit more work at night once the kids were in bed. Anything is doable.

Even doing something like Avon would enable you to earn a little pin money each week to put towards snacks, treats, clothes etc for the kids. My friend does Avon, again in my (rural) area, and she earns around £50 a week from it. She does work hard, delivering the books and collecting them, then delivering them to other houses, but she takes her DS with her when she does it. She also does ironing too and earns another £50 per week from that. Things like cleaning can be done to fit around nursery and school hours, am currently thinking of doing this myself as a second business, as I love cleaning!

auforfoulkesake Thu 28-Mar-13 11:15:05

I think packing the lunch box the night before with the snacks, crisps, is the best idea so far.

Dahlen Thu 28-Mar-13 11:45:06

Two separate issues here. While the lack of money is certainly one, no amount of extra money is going to make up for the fact that your DH is a selfish idiot. Who on earth eats their own child's easter egg if it cannot be replaced?

If money wasn't an issue, chances are he would prioritise his own wants over your child still. That's something that isn't going to go away even with a full-time job. Indeed, the very fact he'd be earning more might result in him having an even greater sense of entitlement.

dreamingofsun Thu 28-Mar-13 14:48:00

could you not get a job in the 4 days he doesn't work and he could look after the kids? yes you live in a tiny place, but there must be other places around? how many jobs have you applied for - just the cleaning job?

perhaps he doesn't totally buy into the not eating anything at all decent regime - and to be honest it doesn't seem unreasonable to want the odd packet of crisps or bit of chocolate occassionally - i don't think thats especially selfish

Squitten Thu 28-Mar-13 14:55:01

I was kind of agreeing with everyone about the situation being ridiculous if this was what you were reduced to...

Until I read that he ate his child's EASTER EGG. Really?! Would he help himself to her Xmas presents too? What kind of a selfish arse does that to his own child?

First thing he would be doing is replacing that. Make him sell something of his if need be - might teach him the value of other people's things. What a twat.

WallyBantersJunkBox Thu 28-Mar-13 15:35:17

Could you deliver Lidl leaflets? £15 for 2 hours walking which you could do during the nursery time.

That would buy you 54 bags of Walkers crisps a week (ASDA multipack offer) and change for a creme egg.

And you'd walk off the calories from snaffling crisps.

uptherear Thu 28-Mar-13 20:58:39

Ffs honestly ....

I never said we 'chose' to be in this situation.

We moved to this remote spot when my dh got a promotion (old job) before the recession.

We bought a house in a lovely spot 25 miles from the nearest town (where dh was based). Bit far but great schools and not an unususl commute in this remote area.

Dh made redundant. This really affected him badly. His mental health suffered.

When i say we live remotely we really do. 25 miles to the nearest supermarket/leisure centre. 25 kids in whole school.

The point is that having been forced down by redundancy we found ourselves in this position. Dh did not just wake up and think im going to quit my f/t job and go part time. The job came up. It meant staying in the career he had worked hard at and this was important to him after the redundancy knocking his socks off.
Despite this meaning him working away, fuel costs eating into wages etc I supported his decision and agreed to help make it work. Like I said I do all the budgeting.

So we have been managing. If the boiler breaks we have savings. For holidays we do home exchange. Our dc have a party for birthdays and choice of gift within reason.

The reason we manage is careful budgeting. I have made sacrifices. I used to do classes etc that I don't do anymore. I genuinely dont eat the treats.

The other reason the crisps pissed me off, there is no shop to nip to to replace them. He could have bought some at work. He can do that, that would not piss me off at all. Its the taking from the dc.

He always says 'adjust your own oxygen mask first'. In his eyes he is more important. Thats what pisses me off.

Sad that so many of you read my op and labelled me a lazy selfish cow. So quick to judge without really having all the facts.

TooExtraImmatureCheddar Thu 28-Mar-13 21:30:40

The money is a red herring. The issue here is that the OP's DH nicked the kids' treats. He should automatically put them first! What sort of family man thinks 'I'm alright, Jack'? Adjust your oxygen mask first, ffs. This man's a real gem.

uptherear Thu 28-Mar-13 21:38:33

Exactly cheddar!

Never did I think he would have this attitude but he does. It boils my blood.

It would come as no surprise we are awaiting an appointment from Relate.

Inertia Thu 28-Mar-13 21:42:57

Your DH is an arse for taking food meant for his children.

I would go back to hiding it, to be honest.

quesadilla Thu 28-Mar-13 22:42:52

I would rather they went without snacks and had me there for them each day

I don't think going without crisps is a desperate deprivation but it does sound to me that you have your priorities a little skewed: surely you could take on a few extra hours a week in order that the theft of a packet of crisps doesn't become a drama...

You say your DH prefers to work less: again, that is understandable but if you have so little money you can't afford for a packet of crisps to go astray you have problems. Do you not get any benefits?

Sorry if this sounds harsh but this sounds like the sort of deprivation that people even in developing countries don't put up with and for no reason, really, except that your DH doesn't 'want a full time job and you don't want to work at all.

Your life, your decision but I think if you choose to live that close to the breadline needlessly, moaning about the loss of a packet of crisps is a bit hmm. I would have more sympathy if you or your DH were desperately struggling with it but by your own admission it's at least half a lifestyle choice.

Whoknowswhocares Thu 28-Mar-13 22:43:32

"I never said we 'chose' to be in this situation."

The very first sentence of your OP says it is partly because he prefers to work part time that he works how and where he does. You later state your choice not to work.
It is there in black and white. You did specifically say exactly that, in those exact words

quesadilla Thu 28-Mar-13 22:46:45

Sorry OP just seen your recent post which does put your situation in a different context. Didn't mean to sound too judgy. It does sound like one or both of you needs more work though.

MiniEggsJumpedInMyBasket Thu 28-Mar-13 23:14:35

You said in your OP that your DH's treat is working part time and your treat is being a sahm! If that's not done by choice I don't know what is! It's not up to the taxpayer to subsidise your 'treats' and it's not fair on your children either

lottiegarbanzo Thu 28-Mar-13 23:15:07

Feeling a bit pedantic... Thing is, you do adjust your oxygen mask first, because if you pass out you cannot help your children put theirs on. That is in no way analogous to taking something enjoyable from them.

TuftyFinch Thu 28-Mar-13 23:35:15

Why does everyone keep saying 'you need to get a job'. This isn't't a thread about money, it's about crisps and a selfish husband. Having more money won't make someone less selfish. OP lives in the middle of nowhere.
OP has repeatedly said they manage on the money they have, children don't need treats all of the time but tomeat your child's treatbthatbthey'd been looking forward tomis really, really selfish. I don't think hiding food is the answer though as that would be swapping one issue for another.

Noideaatall Fri 29-Mar-13 00:25:15

He always says 'adjust your own oxygen mask first'. In his eyes he is more important. Thats what pisses me off
This pisses me off too. My DP thinks nothing of asking DS2 (age 4) to give him some of his 'treat'. DS2 likes plain yoghurt with honey in a blob in the middle. DP asked him if he could have some - DS2 was reluctant (as he always takes a lot) but said yes. DP proceeded to mix all the honey in because that's how he likes it. Then was baffled when DS2's lip started to tremble...

Laquitar Fri 29-Mar-13 00:25:49

i think it has a lot to do with the money issue. Such a tight budgeting and a part time job for a family of 5 can make you miserable and depressed. Personally i'm more prone to snack when i'm poor and miserable than when i could afford the treats. Very tight budgeting is okish for while but it gets very tiring when is for longer term.

OP in your first post you said it was by choice.

ChippingInIsEggceptional Fri 29-Mar-13 00:46:33

Noideaatall - does he normally do fuckwit things like that?

Uptherear - but half because he prefers it. He enjoys his job and has less stresses than before How lovely for him - but he perhaps needs to grow up and realise that it's not all about him. It's also not all about you (your treat being not to work either). What do the pair of you plan to do about your unsustainable situation?

If crisps are so tightly rationed for the children, how come he can afford to buy a 6 pack for himself?

Yes - he was a total arse to take the crisps and the bairns chocolate - it's a really shitty thing to do to a kid, especially one who gets so few treats sad

StuntGirl Fri 29-Mar-13 01:51:28

Your situation sounds completely untenable. I think you both need to reassess your priorities.

AllOverIt Fri 29-Mar-13 02:02:43

Your partner is a selfish arse. Who behaves like that? angry

lottiegarbanzo Fri 29-Mar-13 03:49:54

I only just saw the bit about the Easter egg. There's no room for confusion there. He's not even putting his wants first with something that could go to anyone. He simply has no empathy or regard for their feelings.

I'd find that really upsetting and would be very angry and actually lose all respect for him over that.

Alligatorpie Fri 29-Mar-13 05:00:52

It sounds like a tough situation. Hope you get your counselling appt soon, maybe it will make him see how selfish he is.

HildaOgden Fri 29-Mar-13 05:18:37

You do realise the crisps argument is just a red herring,don't you? What you're really pissed off about runs deeper than that.For both of you.

You're pissed off at his selfishness.He is pissed off at being controlled financially (although I understand why the budgetting is so tight when one part-time wage is supporting 5 people).

You are both angry at the situation you're in,and deep down I think you are both blaming each other for it (on a sub-conscious level).He is passively-aggressively taking what he feels entitled to.

Go to that Relate appointment,you need it.

I think Hilda's nailed it actually.

MummytoKatie Fri 29-Mar-13 10:01:25

The problem is that he's not just adjusting his oxygen mask first - he's adjusting the oxygen mask, finishing his dinner and reading the in flight magazine!

And I third what Hilda says.

givemeaclue Fri 29-Mar-13 12:00:47

Op is also adjusting own oxygen mask first by choosing not to work as her "treat" when money is so tight and dh is able to do childcare for half the week so no childcare issues or costs in working on those days

PollyEthelEileen Fri 29-Mar-13 13:38:40

I will hold my hand up and admit I have pinched my DCs' sweets, occasionally.

I don't think that it is that shocking that the DH has taken some of his DD's Easter egg. I am more shocked that she has an Easter egg before Easter, tbh.

I don't really get this hoarding of food. Food, in a family, should be shared. Attributing ownership of food is very unhealthy, IMO.

PollyEthelEileen Fri 29-Mar-13 14:22:46

I will add...

Grazing is something that men do. They are always aware they are doing it. When my adult DSs are home, the first thing they do is open the fridge. If I call them on it later on, they have no recollection.

I went to Costco the other week and bought a tray of Danish pastries to take into work (as a treat). I told everyone of my intentions, but a few hours later DH helped himself. All the females in the household respected my wishes. DH was just thoughtless - nothing more, nothing less. He meant nothing bad by it, and was sorry that I took an opened package into work.

Given the obesity and alcohol epidemics in this country, a sizeable proportion of Brits do not have exacting levels of self-control.

On another recent thread here (about having to be weighed and charged extra for airline seat), a mums netter said that she was obese because she had no control over her appetite control. Sympathy all round.

Dahlen Fri 29-Mar-13 14:23:27

Polly, I think most of us have done that at some time, but context is important - I bet your DC either have so much they wouldn't have noticed, or you were able to replace it the next day or something. The OP's context sounds more akin to someone stealing Charlie's Wonka bar on the day of his birthday - the only one he gets all year. grin

Also, edible gifted treats are not the same as food designed for daily nutrition IMO.

Dahlen Fri 29-Mar-13 14:25:31

Seriously? grin

<looks suspiciously at various men and considers that they are somehow abnormal since they do not graze and respect other people's property>

Mumsyblouse Fri 29-Mar-13 14:27:27

I don't think the husband committed a terrible crime, my husband/other relatives often look in the cupboard and if they see a packet of crisps, eat it! This is surely normal, you don't have packets of crisps in a family with people's names on, and why can't he have a packet anyway?

I think Hilda is right, there's a lot of resentment all round about the lack of resources, and this needs an airing.

MiniEggsJumpedInMyBasket Fri 29-Mar-13 14:48:20

I think it's all just really weird tbh.

OP's husband choosing to only work part time. OP tip toeing round him and also refusing to look for work herself. Hoarding/strict rationing of food. Obsessive budgetting.

Really weird

OhLori Fri 29-Mar-13 14:55:40

I often eat treats originally meant for my son, then I have to go out and buy them again blush

PollyEthelEileen Fri 29-Mar-13 16:12:33

I don't think it sounds like a once a year treat at all. It sounds to me as if there are multiple treats per weak.

Perhaps I am clouded by the lack of self-control (by mother/father/child) of the chocolate egg.

We don't do personal (edible ) treats in my household. I really can't think of an example. If we have a box of chocolates for GCSE results, it will be shared by all. I have bought on Easter egg for everyone to share on Sunday.

So, when he takes things that were earmarked for one of the DC - does he apologise to them? Especially eating his daughter's Easter egg, I'd have ABSOLUTELY INSISTED on a full apology to her, in front of me, and a promise to her that he wouldn't do it again. Because I reckon he somehow sees it as just between you and him, and maybe apologising to his CHILD will embarrass him enough to make him think twice next time (or maybe not - he could be that selfish).

"He always says 'adjust your own oxygen mask first'. In his eyes he is more important. Thats what pisses me off."
What the fuck does that even mean? confused

Gingerandcocoa Fri 29-Mar-13 19:16:06

My treat is that I get to be a sahm, his treat is doing a piss easy job he loves p/t the kids miss out on stuff we could once afford

I hope this was just a very poor choice of words on your part. Not working is not a treat. Many, many people work not because they want to, but because they are responsible and want to provide for their children. I think that if you're having to budget for packs of crisps (that cost what, 50p each?), then you need to reassess what kind of values you're teaching your children.

TrollFoot Fri 29-Mar-13 19:40:02

Your husband ate some crisps - THEN END. Yes you are being unreasonable.

uptherear Fri 29-Mar-13 21:31:10

Honestly the absolute half wits on here astound me.

minieggsjumpedinmybasket you are just rude. I hope you are a less judgemental bitchy person in real life or you will be very lonely.

The 'treat' of being a sahm parent is that it is a luxury. I made the choice to give up my career and wage to be there for my dc. I have a very full and busy week running my children all over the bloody country to swimming, horse-riding, brownies, scouts and more. Half these things i either help at, contribute to time wise or work at voluntarily in exchange for lessons (i muck out a few horses in exchange for a lesson for my dd).

The 'treats' they miss out on are things like Innocent smoothies/mini Jaffa cakes/Sweet over priced crap aimed at kids.
Previously bought when not budgeting. My kids eat probably a healthier diet now. They do not suffer in the slightest and have the luxury of a mothers love 24/7 whenever they need me. This is a treat for me to provide this to my dc but means a frugal lifestyle.
We are not claiming benefits apart from child benefit. As i said already we used our hard earned savings to pay off a huge chunk of our mortgage to enable dh to work p/t. But this came about through necessity- the choice was - work all week in a job he was over qualified for or half the week earning the same in his chosen field for the same money. It doesnt take a genius really.

This thread has totally shocked me. My issue was with dh being selfish and putting himself first. The packet of crisps was just the thing that had pissed me off that day. There are things like this often which piss me off no end.
However the replies about how lazy and selfish etc we both were astound me. Talk about jumping to conclusions. Being a sahm is the hardest job i have ever done but I intend to raise my dc not ship them out to childminders/nursery for the sake of a bit of extra cash. We have plenty of lovely days spending next to nothing. Nothing is more important than the time you give your kids. I might not be able to splash money around but my kids dont miss out on anything important. I see them as quite priviledged. They go to great school, have lots of friends, spend time at lots of after school activities and are lucky to live in a beautiful place where they can play outside, where we can spend a day at the river throwing stones in the water, trying to skim stones. This is where memories come from. Not whats in your bloody lunch box.

The money was not the issue. But next time i need to vent about dh i will ring a friend.

AllYoursBabooshka Fri 29-Mar-13 21:55:47

On another recent thread here (about having to be weighed and charged extra for airline seat), a mums netter said that she was obese because she had no control over her appetite control. Sympathy all round.

If this is the poster that I am thinking of the can I ask why you left out the part about that lady having a medical condition that caused this problem Polly? It had nothing to do with "self control". She has a disability.

Pretty nasty to use her to prove whatever point you are trying to make actually and twist what she said to boot.

Mandy21 Fri 29-Mar-13 21:58:34

OP, I just think you could've worded some of your posts a bit better to be honest, thats why people have been a bit judgmental. But you've just said that life is not about whats in your lunchbox, and thats what started the whole post - the fact that your DDs lunchbox wouldn't include the stolen packet of crisps confused??

MiniEggsJumpedInMyBasket Fri 29-Mar-13 22:04:52

uptherear I've been nothing of the sort. Clearly you didn't want any honest opinions. I stand by everything I have said on this thread.

I find it hard to believe you don't get any tax credits either....

uptherear Fri 29-Mar-13 22:11:05

minieggs i stand by what I said too, you are just rude for the sake of being rude.

Not sure why you 'can't believe we are not getting tax credits'. Well you'll just have to take my word for it. We don't.

pixiegumboot Fri 29-Mar-13 22:14:47

err hello? the OP does work. 24hrs a day. she is a SAHM or is that not work? (have not read whole thread apols if been raised previously)

uptherear Fri 29-Mar-13 22:30:56

Well apparently being a sahm means I am not setting a good example to my children and that I 'don't want to work'.

larahusky Fri 29-Mar-13 22:35:23

I can't see why everyone has had to over analyse OP's question and life coach her etc. she sounds like a lovely woman doing a good job for her kids in a difficult situation with a greedy husband who can't resist treats.

Yes, it would annoy me a lot, but i do also know about uncontrollable urges to eat!

Glad you are going to Relate. Did absolute miracles for us in 6 sessions and I wish you all the luck in the world.

And I don't think happy families are created round crisps, but sharing things fairly and putting the children first is a good way to run your marriage.

Bobyan Fri 29-Mar-13 22:42:18

Get a job, buy lots of crisps or just stop moaning.

I don't think anyone has been rude to you on this thread, you asked a question and you got answers, you don't have to like them.

TrollFoot Fri 29-Mar-13 22:42:31

Your dh ate some crisps - you have created a mountain from a molehill.

pigletpower Sat 30-Mar-13 02:40:28

Your husband must be on a bloody good p/t time wage if you don't qualify for Tax Credits.Does he drive to work or take the train? either way if you can afford to take out travel expenses and still be left with something you must have a lot more money to budget with than poverty line money.Anyways, your husband is indeed a selfish cunt who needs the line to his oxygen mask severed.

WallyBantersJunkBox Sat 30-Mar-13 05:15:05

It was you who set the scene,OP, and created a pity party in your first post, making it sound like you hadn't money because you dh refused to work more hours and you didn't have money for treats.

Then at the end we read that he's on the same money as before, and there are treats such as horse riding but you work favours to pay for them, and suddenly it's not the problem it was in the first post.

So the thread should have read "I told my husband that the crisps were for my dc and he still ate them..."

If you drip feed information don't be surprised if you don't get the response you want.

uptherear Sat 30-Mar-13 07:33:13

oh ffs.

The op did say DH knew crisps were for the dc. I used to have to hide them despite my saying they were for the dc

Also I did not say he is still on the same money as before. I said the choice of jobs after redundancy was either a) an unskilled job that any monkey could do full time or b) a job in his field for the same money as a but p/t hours.

Not drip feeding. Just every clown chose to home in on the fact that we have chosen to survive on one p/t wage. We are not lazy arse scroungers who have never worked and are claiming benefits left right and centre. We are two intelligent adults who having worked full time for years have now decided time with the dc is more important than any financial gain.

I was simply pissed off that dh ate the pack of crisps that I had said were for dc snack. The last pack, no shop nearby to replace them and I had said 'dont eat the crisps (6 pack) they are for the dc snacks'.
I set a budget for food shop which does not include endless crap. He knows that. This was the problem.

I will refrain from posting in aibu as I forgot the kind of posters it attracts. Thanks to the few who were actually able to look past the fact that dh works p/t and my being a sahm and see my op for what it was- a moan about dh eating dds crisps.

TobyLerone Sat 30-Mar-13 07:40:42

I don't get why your husband isn't just as entitled to eat the things he's paying for as your DD is.

RedHelenB Sat 30-Mar-13 08:16:02

I do agree with Toby - out of a pack of 6 1 for your dh doesn't seem unreasonable!!

uptherear Sat 30-Mar-13 08:51:50

It is simple really- I asked him not to eat the crisps, they were for the dc's school snacks. He was working in town that day where he could easily buy another pack. Myself and dc are a 45 min drive from the supermarket leaving dd without the crisps she had been promised.

Thanks to the person who suggested packing snack in bag night before. I will do this.

noblegiraffe Sat 30-Mar-13 08:54:36

He could easily buy another pack of crisps? I thought you couldn't afford treats and his was to work part time? What about the budget?!

Gingerandcocoa Sat 30-Mar-13 08:54:41

No one here is saying that being a SAHM is a problem or even a luxury. You were complaining that your husband works PT and that you were a SAHM and that as a result you couldn't treat your children.

Now you don't like the responses and says that you do make enough money and treat your children a lot!

So now given the reframing of the problem, let me rephrase my response, I think YABU because it's just a pack of crisps!

orangeandlemons Sat 30-Mar-13 09:09:15

My childhood was like this. No money for treats. I ended up with an eating disorder because goodies were so rationed. I think it is a miserable way to live when there is no money for fun stuff. One of you could do some sort of employment for one day a week.

ChasedByBees Sat 30-Mar-13 09:45:13

I really don't get all the unwarranted advice about the income and lifestyle - it wasn't asked for or needed. As for people saying you can't raise a family on a part time wage, that's ridiculous. If you have a FTE salary of 70K and go part time, you'd still have more money than a lot of families.

The point is OP's husband is being a selfish arse. So is the husband of the Other poster who stirred the honey into the yogurt. Those things would make me feel so cross, it's just the total disregard for anyone else. They're taking something that they could easily get seperately for themselves but for the person who they're taking it from, it's irreplaceable. Just nasty thoughtless behaviour.

dreamingofsun Sat 30-Mar-13 10:28:21

chasedbybees - people are talking about income because a small increase would solve this issue.

uptherear Sat 30-Mar-13 10:32:16

Chasedbybees happy to welcome someone who has their full quota of intelligence to the thread.

For those who are still missing the point. The crisps were for dd not dh. The point was he left her without. The other information was to set the scene- I don't buy lots and lots of unhealthy snacks because we have decided to live on less money and this is part of budgeting- the money goes on fresh fruit, veg etc. The second thing is we live 45 mins from town where if dh wants to buy a packet of crisps he can do so. Dh being selfish was the problem.

orangeandlemons I'm sorry to hear about your eating disorder but it bears no relevance to this thread.

uptherear Sat 30-Mar-13 10:35:11

dreamingoffun if I had a few more pennies I would buy strawberries instead of apples. Not more crisps.

noblegiraffe Sat 30-Mar-13 10:38:31

If DH can buy crisps if he wants to, then there is money for more crisps and you could buy a bigger multipack. Then he wouldn't need to eat DD's crisps because there'd be a packet with his name on.

It seems a bit odd that he's allowed crisps if he buys them himself but any crisps lying around the house are absolutely not for him.

I understand that you had allocated these particular crisps to your DD in your head, but he hadn't. If there is money for more crisps then I can see why he didn't think this was a particularly dire situation.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Sat 30-Mar-13 10:40:03

uptherear - if your DH has the money to buy more crisps, then why don't you? He's eaten the last pack, so go and buy some more.

I actually do think it boils down to income. Because if you had more of it then you wouldn't need to be arguing over one bag of crisps.
Choosing to live somewhere miles away from where there is work, with commuting costs thrown into the margin is utterly ridiculous. I would be very surprised if your DCs don't resent you in a few years time because they have had to live such a frugal lifestyle through your choices.

Astelia Sat 30-Mar-13 10:46:38

I think orangeandlemons is making the point that money being so tight/you being so controlling that there aren't crisps/treats for everyone can lead to long term problems. It is an interesting (and sad) perspective.

BooCanary Sat 30-Mar-13 10:46:42

Op - not sure why you would need to 'ship your dcs off to childcare' in order to get a job. You have 4 free days when your DH could be providing the childcare.

Also not sure why it is only the ops dh who has the responsibility for earning.

And lastly, not sure if you are bu about the crisps. Guess it depends on whether your dh has eaten some crisps already and then eaten the dcs crisps, or whether he is not allowed crisps in the first place.

TobyLerone Sat 30-Mar-13 11:02:09

It's ok, everyone. We're only disagreeing with the OP because we're thick. Glad we got that sorted out.

SoftKittyWarmKitty Sat 30-Mar-13 11:15:53

The one thing that jumps out at me here is that you stated yourself that you're skint but that you don't get tax credits. That means even on a part time income your DH must be earning a fair amount - as you have three kids, according to this he must be bringing in at least £40k to get no tax credits whatsoever. If he's earning less than this, I'd recommend reapplying.

With regard to the crisps, could you buy two multipacks or a larger multipack, and put some in a cupboard just for the kids? Drop down a brand and they'll be cheaper - buy value ones if need be. To be honest if I had a partner who 'banned' me from eating crisps from my own cupboard I'd be mightily pissed off.

Whoknowswhocares Sat 30-Mar-13 11:32:16

Ah yes, we are thick because we have a different viewpoint.
OP, as you have later acknowledged, the first few of your posts painted a picture of abject poverty, self inflicted by 'choice'. Your words, not anybody else's.
If you are as intelligent as you claim, then you will understand people will make their comments with that in mind as its all we have to go on. If you choose to drip feed other stuff in later, there will be many who see that as track covering and view it with suspicion.
Rather than make shouty accusations after the event and tarring everyone as thick and unreasonable,you might be better off phrasing your comments with a bit more thought at the start and painting an accurate and succinct OP!
That way I'm sure you will get us all agreeing like sheep which is, it seems, what you wanted

noblegiraffe Sat 30-Mar-13 11:52:21

Have you told your DH your treat theory and that he's not allowed crisps because he gets to go to work?

I'm picturing DH in the kitchen spying a bag of crisps.
'maybe they're for the DC's lunch, no, can't be, there's only one bag left, so I might as well have it'
(he said he thought it was ok as there was only one bag, he didn't know it was for your DD and DS was having something else)

You come in screaming.
'why don't you buy more crisps?' he asks
'There's no money for more crisps!!!'
He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a pound. 'here you go, or I could pick some up in town tomorrow?'
'No! You're not allowed crisps!!'
'Why not?'
'because you get to go to work!!'
'And I get to not go to work and the DCs get crisps and flapjacks and swimming and horseriding and after school clubs'
'that seems fair'

What a very peculiar way to live.

dreamingofsun Sat 30-Mar-13 12:36:37

so if you had more money you would buy strawberries - but not the crisps that your husband sounds as if he likes?

Laquitar Sat 30-Mar-13 12:44:43

OP i think you have been very rude. You drip feed and then call the posters 'not intelligent'.

In your op you said he should know we can not afford treats (a pack of crisps). Now you say that you can afford it.

You also said in a later post it s the memories that count not whats in the bloody lunch box. But you are the one that you started a thread about a bloody lunch box and you painted a picture of poor children. Now you are angry that posters felt sorry for your dcs.

Can you decide f you are poor or rich and let us know because we are thick and we need clear wording.

Viviennemary Sat 30-Mar-13 12:45:09

I agree with people who say you must take a long hard look at the way your household operates. If somebody eating a packet of crisps causes a crisis there is certainly something wrong. This kind of tightly run budge must be miserable for children to live in. One of you must seek more hours or budget better.

Viviennemary Sat 30-Mar-13 12:45:55


Dadthelion Sat 30-Mar-13 12:52:38

I'm trying to imagine a world where I was rationed on crisps, I can't.

I've just scoffed some Hula Hoops and now I'm going to scoff some Monster Munch.

Why is it always 'scoffed'?

MammaTJ Sat 30-Mar-13 12:57:53

He always says 'adjust your own oxygen mask first'. In his eyes he is more important. Thats what pisses me off.

This is not selfishness but common sense. You cannot help others if you are dead.

ParadiseChick Sat 30-Mar-13 13:21:17


Pombear anyone?

StuntGirl Sat 30-Mar-13 13:28:46

Don't be ridiculous polly.

Actually that goes for you too OP.

ParadiseChick Sat 30-Mar-13 13:32:38

I must work 32 hours a day.

givemeaclue Sat 30-Mar-13 13:41:38

Problem easily solved by purchasing additional crisps

orangeandlemons Sat 30-Mar-13 13:47:52

Actually it does. We hardly ever had treats because we had no money, and everything was very tightly controlled. When we got them we would go mad for them. As a result of this I am out of control around treat type stuff. Several psychologists have made this connection not me.

CinnabarRed Sat 30-Mar-13 14:07:28

I suspect the point is that if the OP bought more crisps then her DH would eat them all and there would still be no crisps for her poor DD.

uncongenial Sat 30-Mar-13 14:12:03

Is it possible he is hungry? Are there any edible treats for the adults also? You're all managing to have adequate meals? Sorry if that comes across as rude.

I still don't think he should eat them, if that's all you have for your dc. However, I do think you need to reexamine your finances if you're so stretched.

Can't be doing with people who post on AIBU and then get arsey with the replies and defensive, and come up with excuse after excuse after excuse...

The issue is money becuse it wouldn't niggle you quite so much if you had three variety packs in your cupboard would it? I would find a job to fit in with the hours your partner doesn't work and move out of the middle of nowhere or suck it up.

Waspie Sat 30-Mar-13 14:38:50

I'd be pissed off (understatement) if DP ate my DS' only Easter egg. When a) he knew it was our son's egg and b) it was the only egg he had and had been rationed it to make it last longer.

I feel sorry for OP's DD whose own father thinks he's so much more important than her that he has the right to eat her [only] chocolate egg. Selfish git. YANBU OP.

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep Sat 30-Mar-13 14:40:04

But if you make a decision as a family that you will survive on the PT wage, by cutting out adult food treats, wine, yoga classes etc - then it isn't fair for DH to unilaterally go back on that. It's, er, having your cake and eating it (sorry blush).

Maybe sit down with DH and go over family budget again and check he is still happy with current arrangement and not bitterly resentful as suggested above? I take it you are still OK with it, from your comments on here?

Eating the DC's Easter Egg that they were rationing out is just the act of an absolute arse though.

Laquitar Sat 30-Mar-13 14:41:54

Well said bringback.

And i'd like to know if OP is allowed crisps herself.

uncongenial Sat 30-Mar-13 14:44:18

I missed the Easter egg part. Though wonder why it was being eaten before Easter Sunday, by anybody

holidaysarenice Sat 30-Mar-13 14:45:18

You are probably one of the few families I think deserve the bombshell of UC.

Sad that. Sadder you have savings (mentioned when asked how you'd manage a boiler replacement) but won't use a few measlt pence for crisps for your kids...

BookFairy Sat 30-Mar-13 14:50:36

Re. Working Tax Credits: I am a single person earning £19,000 before tax (36hrs pw) and do not qualify.

The issue isn't money. The issue is that the H puts himself before his children.

dreamingofsun Sat 30-Mar-13 15:13:01

bookfairy - perhaps in a moment of weakness and hunger he ate some chocolate and the crisps he didnt realise were already earmarked? maybe there was not much else to eat? One could argue that the mother is putting herself before her kids as she's not willing to work a few days a week whilst her husband can provide childcare

BookFairy Sat 30-Mar-13 15:33:29

The OP can't create a job when there are none. She keeps saying that money isn't the main issue. She budgets to buy treats for the DC but if she doesn't hide said treats her DH will eat them, even when he knows they are for the DC. He works away 3 days a week and could stock up then if he wanted to.

RedHelenB Sat 30-Mar-13 15:53:02

Hoiw can he if there is a strict budget!!??

dreamingofsun Sat 30-Mar-13 18:17:41

so a packet of crisps is a 'treat'? OK if this is for health reasons...but we are talking finance here. how is a 0.30p thing a treat?

it sounds like she has only applied for one job. if she can manage to find places to volunteer in, it would suggest there may be paid employment around as well.

she sounds like a control freak to me...but that may just be the way she words her threads

why should the working husband 'stock up on food'. shouldn't food buying by part of a SAHM's job?

RedHelenB Sat 30-Mar-13 18:44:08

Agree dreaming but I've a feeling OP won't!!!

WallyBantersJunkBox Sat 30-Mar-13 21:41:38

Ok you are not drip feeding at all. (But I'd advise you to read your postings again and how much more/different info you add when people aren't giving an answer you are in agreement with).

What you have been is sweepingly rude to all posters on here who disagreed with you, and incidentally no one has called you a lazy selfish cow, you pulled that one out of the bag yourself:

Ffs honestly ....
Sad that so many of you read my op and labelled me a lazy selfish cow.
Honestly the absolute half wits on here astound me.
I will refrain from posting in aibu as I forgot the kind of posters it attracts.
Chasedbybees happy to welcome someone who has their full quota of intelligence to the thread.


WallyBantersJunkBox Sat 30-Mar-13 21:43:30

Can you decide f you are poor or rich and let us know because we are thick and we need clear wording.

grin@ Laquitar

Ok, here's my ten pence worth.

Yes from the OP you husband is an arse for eating a packet of crisps if they were your daughters.

From another of your posts yes he's an arse for eating the easter egg.

In another of your posts you say you have savings, why don't you just take a bit more out of there to buy more treats for your children.

Also you said you buy fruit and veg (very sensible IMO), but why don't you grow your own, very cheap to start and very rewarding to eat your own produce, therego saving more money to buy more crisps.

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