Aibu to think if I want to go on the fucking plane I shall go on the fucking plane?

(149 Posts)

Or is my dislike of the ex making me act "irrationally" (which is what he alleges)

Me and the ex and all of the DCs have been invited to an event. We have separate invites, me and him, but we are all invited. It is very important to the person doing the inviting that we are there and that we bring the DCs

Ex was on the phone last night (discussion Easter holiday arrangements which have to change to suit him - whole other thread) and asked me did I get invited. I said yes

He then said "good. We can all go in my car"

I said no I wanted to fly.

He says I'm being irrational.

My reasons are :

His driving stresses me. I hate sitting in the car with him driving

DD GETS CAR SICK I don't want this any more than we have to why put her through it

The plane is just a cheap and quicker and we can get collected at the other end

I think it sends the wrong message for us all to rock up together. We are not together. We are divorced and have been for years. We are not a happy family.

So Aibu?

ArabellaBeaumaris Wed 27-Mar-13 08:03:05

I think it is entirely up to you how you get there.

CalmingLava Wed 27-Mar-13 08:04:42

YANBU at all. Make your own arrangements without him.

Yanbu, if he wants to drive then let him. You will be there hours before him, and will be all calm and serene when he arrives all smelly and cramped.

Sod him! He's not the boos of you <childish>

YANBU at all....go on the plane. Even if just for your DD's car sickness. I used to get that as a child and it's fucking miserable.

*boss

Thank you. I told him I'd make my own plans and it was up to the kids who they chose to go with (youngest is 11)

I expect them to chose the plane.

He also said he was planning to be in and out on the same day. So, drive, ferry, arrive, event, and leave immediately.

I want to arrive the day before. Relax. Dinner. Get up. Make up. Hair. Faff. Event. Dinner. Bed. Wake up airport. Home.

Glaikit - that's exactly how it made me feel.

Why are you even discussing it with him? No is a complete sentence.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Wed 27-Mar-13 08:08:04

He's your ex. He doesn't get to dictate how you choose to get to an event. I don't think you need to say anything more than no, I shall not be travelling with you.

It's amazing that he thinks he has the right to dictate to you.

Go look fab, dance like there is no one watching, and flick the proverbial at him! grin

Your plan sounds MILES better. I wouldn't want to put young children through all that travelling in one day unless I absolutely had to.

Thank you all. Hecsy - I said that to him. I said "we aren't invited as a couple. We have separate invites"

But it makes more sense to travel together. We'd save £2.40 (or thereabouts - he's very tight). He said it must be nice to have money to burn.

elQuintoConyo Wed 27-Mar-13 08:10:58

Go ahead and make your own flight arrangements. Have the hosts requested that you all attend or that you all arrive together?
If he thinks you are being irrational, let him, he shouldn't give two shits anymore as you're divorced.
He sounds like a controlling arse - was he always like this? It sounds like you having an opinion and not bowing to his demands = his idea of irrational. You know you have valid reasons for wanting to fly so stand your ground.

Ok. Outing myself. But this is important to the dynamic.

It's a DS's graduation. We are to meet The Girlfriend's parents. I want to go out to dinner with them. I want to see my son. I want to go for tea with him the night before. And this what he wants.

And he wants the rest of the DCs there coz he's my softest one.

LMAO - £2.40!! grin

Sorry that made me laugh...Give him the £2.40 if he's that bothered.

AwkwardSquad Wed 27-Mar-13 08:12:02

It only makes more sense to travel together if you actively want to have a miserable time instead of a nice time. YANBU.

Ok maybe scrap the dancing then! grin

elQuintoConyo Wed 27-Mar-13 08:14:11

£2.40? I've just blown porridge out of my nose!

3 days and flying will be a lot of fun for your dc.

What DS WANTS is for us to arrive the day before in the morning.

The GF is lined up to take the DDs on the day of his graduation during the ceremony because they will be bored. I am not to worry about it. He and she have it planned. I believe shopping is involved grin

But he wants the day before with us. He wants tea the night before. And a meal the evening after his graduation with his GF and her parents.

The ex's drive and leave plan doesn't allow for any of that.

Lonecatwithkitten Wed 27-Mar-13 08:14:51

Do it exactly the way your DS wants this is your moment as a parent to walk around with PROUD stamped on you forehead so make last as long as possible.

OddBoots Wed 27-Mar-13 08:15:33

Don't argue, just do it, he's being a numpty and probably just wants to charge you petrol money.

OnwardBound Wed 27-Mar-13 08:16:51

As he is your ex husband I am astounded that he feels he has any rights to demand anything of you or think you have to in any way justify yourself to him.

So what if he thinks you are irrational? You know you're not and that's all that matters.

You're even allowing the kids to make their own decision on how they travel ffs so you're not dictating how anyone must travel to this event apart from yourself.

I hope you have a very pleasant flight and enjoy the event [ feeling refreshed and relaxed!] immensely.

To be fair, he had calculated the costs including diesel and I believe to drive is about £40 cheaper for all of us.

And of course, I'm being frivolous and wanting to go and have dinner out and shopping and he's there may well be dancing grin

I wouldn't care if it was £400 more. I'd still want to go on my own. And on the plane. Plus it's more exciting for the wee ones to go on a plane.

LoveMyBoots Wed 27-Mar-13 08:20:15

OddBoots I was thinking the same thing!

I don't see why it's a problem. You say no. End of discussion.

I won't see DS do this ever again. I want to make it last. I want to make it an experience.

Sounds wonderful...go on the plane, I hope you all have a fantastic time, you must be very proud smile

ChairmanWow Wed 27-Mar-13 08:22:28

Sounds like you know what to do. I can't imagine a long car and ferry journey and back in a day is going to be much fun with Mr £2.40. I also can't imagine the other DCs turning down the opportunity to go shopping and hang out with their big bro in favour of a miserable journey either.

Your ex will look stupid and bloody-minded driving and dropping in, which by the sounds of it is exactly what he is.

Have a lovely, relaxing trip and enjoy being a proud mum.

He will harp on and on and on and on and on

I intend to book flights this weekend. And then it's a done deal.

If you were divorced, would you want to sit in a car and on a ferry for hours and hours with your ex?

I don't really understand why he even suggested it tbh.

MoetEtPantsOn Wed 27-Mar-13 08:23:03

Are you expecting him to pay half of the plane fares? I can see why he thinks he should have a say if so. BUT I have to say your plan sounds nicer and also that your DS sounds just lovely.

SoupDreggon Wed 27-Mar-13 08:23:51

Tell him you've already bought the tickets and can not get a refund.

And thank you all.

He really twists things and makes me feel small and like a "stupid woman"

I can see why he is your ex! I agree with SoupDreggon, just tell him you've booked it already and if he starts moaning do an internal "la la la I'm not listening la la la" whilst sticking your middle finger up at the phone grin

No I'm not expecting him to pay for it. If I go on the plane I will pay for me and as many DCs as want to go with me. It's about £50 each tops if we book it now. I'll hardly be taking on a massive debt to pay for it.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster Wed 27-Mar-13 08:26:15

Just tell him its a done deal, you have booked the tickets and you'll see him there. End of. Don't engage. Ignore.

I am flabbergasted that he thinks he gets a say in how you travel somewhere! The nerve.

Have a lovely time with your son. x

SoupDreggon Wed 27-Mar-13 08:26:36

If I had the choice between sitting in a car for hours or jumping on a plane I would be on that plane like a shot.

And that's ignoring the fact that I can't be within 6ft of my ex without my skin crawling.

mirai Wed 27-Mar-13 08:28:39

It sounds lovely and you're going to have a fantastic time. Of course you should fly the day before and make a minibreak out of it. I don't understand for a second why you're even considering allowing your dipshit ex to ruin your plans. Let him drive. "No, that won't work for us." is a complete sentence!!

mirai Wed 27-Mar-13 08:29:32

Yeah, just stop engaging and book the tickets NOW!! grin PS his girlfriend sounds lovely smile

I am slightly concerned about the student house but he swears he'll clean before I get there grin

MortifiedAdams Wed 27-Mar-13 08:31:27

Just tell.him 'im flying there on Saturday, we will see you there whenever'.

«dont know if it is saturday, just picked a random.day»

I said I'd give the girls money to go shopping with. He said no, this was his treat.

I want to cry I am so proud.

Well that's part of the problem grin

He can't find the email/piece of paper that tells him exactly what day it is.

He says he will let me know today. (He is incredibly laid back)

TigerFeet Wed 27-Mar-13 08:34:13

he just wants you to subsidise his trip, which of course you're under no obligation to do. fly, make a weekend of it and enjoy smile

He does know what WEEK it is, just not the exact day.

I want it to be fun and laughs and silly.

Mr £2.40 would make us take a flask and a picnic for the boat because the food is too dear (been there) he wouldn't spend Christmas. If I treated the kids to a silly hat or something he'd have a face on.

My friend thinks he wants us to go together so he can control me and how the trip dynamic works, if you get my drift, so that its more his sort of time.

But it should be how DS wants it. It's his big day.

lottiegarbanzo Wed 27-Mar-13 08:39:39

I don't know why you feel the need to justify yourself. Just make your plans. Sounds like he just wants to split his costs.

50BalesOfHay Wed 27-Mar-13 08:39:51

Fly business class. That should wind him up even more. I would. <but am childish when dictated to>

lottiegarbanzo Wed 27-Mar-13 08:41:50

Btw, why is your spending any of his business? Answer - it isn't.

I feel for the GF actually. Shopping with teenaged girls. She's braver than me ;)

Business class would be hilarious. He'd go puce with rage and indignation at the waste of money.

KoalaFace Wed 27-Mar-13 08:47:36

He sounds like a controlling, money pinching, nightmare and I'm happy for you that his opinions no longer mean diddley squat to how you make your decisions!

Have a lovely day. Your DS and his GF sound great!

Longdistance Wed 27-Mar-13 08:48:23

He sounds like a control freak!

Tell him to foxtrot Oscar <airline speak for fuck off>

IneedAsockamnesty Wed 27-Mar-13 08:50:49

Yanbu.

If I had to be trapped in a car with any of my ex's chances are a crime would be committed I would miss the event as I would be in jail so never a good idea.

They are ex's for a reason and that reason is often because you cannot tolerate there company.

He also (outing myself even more) said could my parents not babysit the younger ones and we could leave them behind.

Firstly, there's a lots of stuff going on for my parents at the minute. None of his business. My mums not well.

Secondly, DS WANTS THEM THERE. And has put effort into planning it so they have a good time.

I must confess, to all of you on MN, I lied. I told him mum and dad were away on holiday that week.

They might be on holiday, they've talked about it, but no firm plans are made (due to mums health)

CadleCrap Wed 27-Mar-13 08:59:49

YABU - you need to drive with him and give us a blow by blow account of his fuckwitedness grin

Your DS sounds lovely, you did well there!

I'm not sire why he seems to think that he has any right to involve himself in your plans. no wonder he's an ex, controlling.wanker! go by plane,do what your ds wants, and give not another thought to appeasing this bloody idiot!

Dawndonna Wed 27-Mar-13 09:01:27

Tell him you are divorced for a reason and that reason is still valid. You are going on the plane, you are divorced and therefore it is up to you to make the decisions concerning you. You intend to have fun and you can't do that with him and that's one of the reasons why you're divorced.
Mardy, tight git that he is!

If I pay for me and 3DCs to fly, and other DC makes his way from somewhere else and I pay for that too (train not plane in that case) it'll cost under £300. I just checked with easy jet and the train line.

Emilythornesbff Wed 27-Mar-13 09:06:42

YANBU. Who cares if he thinks you are?

Emilythornesbff Wed 27-Mar-13 09:07:42

grin at cradlecrap

And he's picking us up. And putting us up in his scummy student house. But I won't be eating there I'm not daft grin

I'm really not a spendthrift I was going to treat this as a holiday for me and the kids like a short break and make the most of it. DS Said we could stay an extra day or two if we wanted.

Jengnr Wed 27-Mar-13 09:10:47

Just fucking do it.

And enjoy the time without him before he rocks up in his car.

Am I mean to hope it breaks down on him?

There will, undoubtedly, be an "oh fuck what do I wear is this ok" thread at some point grin

I don't really do mother of the graduate pastel suits.

50BalesOfHay Wed 27-Mar-13 09:14:32

Got to do it then. Make him find out by accidentally leaving boarding pass lying around.

50BalesOfHay Wed 27-Mar-13 09:18:15

Nice subtle but knock out frock and heels?

Tee2072 Wed 27-Mar-13 09:21:05

Oh just tell him to fuck off to fuck off. And point out that he is ex, because he seems to be missing that part!

grin fuck off it is

MathsCat Wed 27-Mar-13 10:33:23

Your DS and his gf sound lovely! Graduation isn't about the ceremony - that's bloody boring (well done to his gf for getting out of it wink) - it's about celebrating after, and before if you can, with people you care about. I'd have been upset if my parents had literally come just for the ceremony as I wouldn't have been able to spend any time with them. It's your son's day and since you can afford to do what he wants AND you actually want to, it's a no brainer grin!

zipzap Wed 27-Mar-13 10:56:52

Your ds is lovely for arranging it all (give or take losing the date of the event!) and wanting all his family there for the event and all the extras before and after.

Your ex is being a twat of the highest order for thinking that he has any right to dictate your arrangements - he just wants you to go halves on the fuel as it makes it much cheaper for him if you are in the car with him. His fuel costs will be the same whether you are there or not, so your decision impacts him - but seeing as he is your ex that's still not your problem.

Tell him that there is no way that you are driving up - for a day or a few days, even if you were going to drive up you would not be driving up in the same car as him, that there is no way you are going to risk missing the ceremony so you have to be there the day before, and you are going to go, have a lovely few days with your ds and really enjoy some quality family time together.

He could always choose to fly in and out on the same day if he wanted to too.

If he says that you are being irrational then it's a classic technique to try to manipulate you into coming around to his way of thinking. Just treat him like a toddler and tell him that you're not irrational, he is. If the difference had been £1000 then maybe he would have had a point when it comes to costs. But £40 in the grand scheme of things, especially spending time with your ds in his own setting at uni, at a major point in his life, it's going to be fab and well worth every penny of that £40.

Fly and enjoy it! (and that's coming from someone who hasn't flown for over 20 years, so that's saying something!)

lottiegarbanzo Wed 27-Mar-13 11:03:27

I'm hoping his calculations are based on you sharing, so going alone, it might actually be cheaper for him to fly. Just cos that would be funny.

Anyway, have a lovely time doing all the fun bits. Your DS does sound lovely.

His calculations are indeed based on all of us going in the one car.

It would be loads cheaper for him to pay for himself to fly and us to split the cost of the kids 50/50

MmeThenardier Wed 27-Mar-13 11:24:15

I can't believe he's going to all the expense, time and effort to spend about 30 minutes with your DS before he turns around and comes back again. It would be much cheaper if he stayed at home altogether!

Have a great time and enjoy what sounds like a lovely ocassion and don't let Mr£2.40 ruin it with his shit ideas (which are probably the reason you left him in the first place).

He's talking - arrive, go to graduation, straight home. No meal after.

Why would you bother is dead right?!

MmeThenardier Wed 27-Mar-13 11:43:16

What?! Thats ridiculous. Now that really is a waste of money

I wonder why you left him... wink

SissySpacekAteMyHamster Wed 27-Mar-13 11:45:21

Besides which, why the hell would he want to be in a car with someone so "irrational"?

Tee2072 Wed 27-Mar-13 11:56:41

What a waste of time! Your poor son that he's dad doesn't want to see him more.

lashingsofbingeinghere Wed 27-Mar-13 11:58:16

God, OP, it's almost worth saving up to charter a private jet so you can really trip his Mr Mean switch.

I would just book the flights/train as suits you and disengage.

GreatSoprendo Wed 27-Mar-13 12:19:56

Your son sounds so lovely - how nice for him to want to spend his graduation weekend with his family. Bless him! As you said, is a one off event and special for both you and for DS. You will never get that weekend again.

Get it booked and have a fabulous time grin

"He's talking - arrive, go to graduation, straight home. No meal after."
Jeez, what a joy-sucker! Your plan sounds so much better. And how fab is your son!

As soon as you said your ex was tight, my first thought was that driving was all about you subsidising his transport.

Hope you have a great time. Don't go the pastel suit path, killer frock and heels sounds so much more you.

InkySkink Wed 27-Mar-13 12:38:21

Is it possible that Mr £2.40 didn't really actually want you in the car as much as he was looking for you to subsidise his transport?
Maybe that's what got him so annoyed.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Wed 27-Mar-13 12:39:27

How on earth did you let such a catch slip through your fingers. hmm

I think you just have to do the broken record technique on him.

Don't attempt to explain or justify. Just stick to "I have chosen to take a flight. I have chosen to take a flight. I have chosen to take a flight."

It is my choice. It is my decision.

tbh, I would be saying look, I don't CARE what you think. I am not going to obey you. I am making my own way there. You do what you like. I do not want to have another conversation about this with you. Are we clear?

ChairmanWow Wed 27-Mar-13 13:29:52

He's talking - arrive, go to graduation, straight home. No meal after.

He's probably thinking 'Ha haaa! I get to save the £20 I would have spent on a meal. Plus the £2.40.' What a fucking genius.

Great for you though. Not so great for your son, who sounds totally bloody amazing and deserving of a dad who worships the ground he walks on.

I am raging.

Just picked the DDs up from school (early finish for Easter)

"Daddy said we should stay at Granny X's because flights are expensive"

I told them not to be so daft, flights were cheap as chips and if DS wanted them there, and they wanted to be there, they'd be there.

And the ex can fuck off. To fuck. And then a bit more.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Wed 27-Mar-13 13:36:11

Bloody hell.

does he actually think that he can make you do what he wants?

I think you need to tell him straight to butt out. That he isn't in charge of you and you will do what the hell you like.

Book those flights now. For you and the kids.

And he can go stuff himself.

Thumbwitch Wed 27-Mar-13 13:40:07

Your ex is ex for a reason. And the reason is quite plain to see.
He has NO CONTROL over your behaviour now, and if you want to spend the money on flights, then that is exactly what you should do.

Your DS has plans for a great time for his family. Your ex wants to fuck those plans up because he is a narsty controlling tightwad bastard. You, otoh, want your DS to have a lovely graduation.

So - book the sodding tickets and tell the ex to do one.

At this point if the flights were hundreds each I'd find the money.

How dare he lay it on children about expense and stuff? That's something that kids don't need to be concerned with. In this case it's my decision, if I decide then that's all that matters.

Just as well I never expected him to play fair and fund half isn't it? Because I know damn fine well and rightly he won't pay a penny.

angry

FayeKorgasm Wed 27-Mar-13 13:45:37

Freddie your ex is a total wanker!

Fly and have a wonderful time with you DC's. It is a wonderful day and should be and fun, relaxing and happy time. (my DS graduated last year)

Wear something wonderful, I wore an orange dress from Reiss grin I don't do beige.

grin liking the orange dress. That's much more ME than beige suit and a wee hat.

Honest to God I am fucking fuming now. Really properly raging.

How fucking dare he? Who the fuck does he think he is to tell me how to fucking live my life?

<and breathe>

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Wed 27-Mar-13 13:47:39

Was he controlling when you were together?

He is being a total arse about this. Did he expect you to say yes master, whatever you decide master, I will bend to thy will...

FayeKorgasm Wed 27-Mar-13 13:48:03

I had rather a lot of champagne too!

Hecsy - yes he was very controlling. Or rather, I think he was, he says he isn't at all controlling.

He's not, as long as you do as you are told. He is very "yes oh great one I shall do as I am told" (there's another thread in relationships I have stepped away from because the OP reminds me so much of him it makes my skin crawl)

VanitasVanitatum Wed 27-Mar-13 13:49:57

I cannot believe he tried to undermine you via your children! Why is he still so obsessed with you, and why does he even have an opinion on what you do with your money?! Wear a very big hat too and sit in front of him at the ceremony.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Wed 27-Mar-13 13:50:18

xpost.

calm, calm grin

do not give him this power over you by getting angry. He can shoot his mouth off all he likes but he has no control here. You do.

Stay calm and remember that he has no say in this. Book the flights, do things the way you want to and be very clear that you don't give a shit what he thinks.

If he sees you angry, he knows he's got under your skin.

Thumbwitch Wed 27-Mar-13 13:51:20

Wear a hat that says "I'm NOT with Wankbadger here" and an arrow pointing to your ex.

He is a massive pompous windbag, full of hot air and shit, he has NO control over you nor your DC, he's just trying to throw his weight around. Let it go - you know you're going to do what YOU want to regardless of his impotent blusterings - so stop raging or you'll give yourself a headache - just get on and book the tickets and have a lovely time with your DC and your DS on his graduation. And if Wankbadger decides not to bother his arse to go by himself then, although that would be a slight sadness for your DS, the rest of you will have a much nicer time without him, so it would be a bonus.

In the meantime get yourself one of these and have fun. grin

Oh I won't show him I'm angry that plays right into his hands.

grin calm thoughts rabbits and kittens and easter eggs and wine and skipping happily through a meadow

That doll is brilliant grin

I'm going to take my kids out and buy spurious fun groceries. I'm living on the edge.

LyonsDemesne Wed 27-Mar-13 13:53:38

It is feck all to do with him how you chose to arrive it also feck all to do with him how you spend your money.
Book it , and have a fabulous time !!

SoupDreggon Wed 27-Mar-13 13:55:40

I may, in the past, have sent a text to my ex that said "butt the fuck out of my life you control freaky wanker"

Thumbwitch Wed 27-Mar-13 13:55:44

Boooook the fliiiiiggghhhhhhttsssss... do it!

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Wed 27-Mar-13 13:56:24

Tell him you've decided to charter a private plane.

I'd probably laugh in his face and say it's so funny how you think you've got a say in how I travel.

ChippingInIsEggceptional Wed 27-Mar-13 14:05:43

So, tell me, why did you and he break up?

grin
grin
grin

What a complete knob.

Stop allowing him to make you think you are being unreasonable/stupid/frivilous/whatever!!! You did the best thing you could have leaving him - now get a grip and stop letting him doubt yourself smile

DontmindifIdo Wed 27-Mar-13 14:05:55

I would say again to your DDs that the flights aren't all that expensive and anyway, her DB wants her there, it's a big deal for him and you're all going to show how proud you are of him. Don't mention it again to him expect to send him a message informing him which flights you and the DDs will be on, if he wants to get the same he's welcome too.

If he mentions not taking them again, say "ok, what's this really about? Because it's my money and you know you have no right to tell me how to spend it, so why don't you want the DDs there?" if he says about the price keep repeating "but it's my money, not yours, it's none of your business how I spend it and you know that, so it must be something else, I can't believe you are so stupid to think that you could tell your exwife how to spend her own money, really tell me, why do you want several hours in a car alone with me without the DDs? Oh god, you weren't going to use the time to try to talk me into taking you back were you?? You must know we are really over? Oh, ExH, I really hope you weren't hoping we could have a little trip together and rekindle the old times, that's done with, really it is." then give him patronising "OK, shall we forget all about it then?" with a knowing smile...

Davsmum Wed 27-Mar-13 14:07:07

Your reasons are valid.
You decide how you get there. There is nothing to argue about.

ChippingInIsEggceptional Wed 27-Mar-13 14:07:34

I thought that too Hecsy!! Chartered flight for sure grin

I'd chip in to have the OP arrive at the graduation in a helicopter grin

MarinaIvy Wed 27-Mar-13 14:20:44

Ooh, I love dontmind. Pure evil.

Of course, for the ultimate in wind-up value, you could brag to ex abut how you made the mile-high club on your flight over.

DontmindifIdo Wed 27-Mar-13 14:29:38

oooh, Chipping, perhaps a "DS really should arrive at his graduation in style, here's the stretch hummer I've booked."

Isn't it nice of him to remind you exactly why splitting up was 100% the right decision, just in case time dulls the memory of his behaviour.

I think not wanting to spend hours in the car with a tightfisted controlling ex is one of the most rational things I have ever heard.

What has your spending choices got to do with him?

You lot are gems. Every one of you.

LondonNinja Wed 27-Mar-13 15:51:53

LTB!!

Oh, you have? Can't imagine why.

Have a brilliant time, OP. Pay him no heed.

I spent my money on food. Damn children have to eat. I even let them have lollies and crisps. Clearly I am on a path to ruination.

DontmindifIdo Wed 27-Mar-13 16:45:43

I bet as well if you were in the car with him he'd make you take a tupperwear box with sandwiches in and a flask of plasticy tasting squash - insisting that motorway stops were purely for "quick wee, stretch your legs, no need to buy anything"...

SoupDreggon Wed 27-Mar-13 16:46:57

Has anyone suggested you reply "Thank you for reminding me why you are now my ex"

Don't mind - spot on. He would. And I'd have to make the sandwiches. And he'd expect me to make enough for him to eat some too.

Soup - am so tempted to send him that.

EldritchCleavage Wed 27-Mar-13 16:53:47

Soup beat me to it. I was going to say all you need to say in response to anything he says to you about this trip is "This is why we are divorced".

SquinkieBunnies Wed 27-Mar-13 16:54:26

Tell him to enjoy his car ride up to the Graduation and not to forget his lunch crackers, he can eat them on the ferry.
He's an Ex for a very obvious reason. What a knob trying to get at the kids about the cost.

Squinkie - that's what has made me fume. How fucking dare he get at the kids and put a downer on them going. Fucking tightarse.

DrHolmes Wed 27-Mar-13 17:16:31

If i were you I'd go by plane. Your plan sounds much better.

Would it be evil to make him sandwiches for his trip and lace them with laxatives?

SissySpacekAteMyHamster Wed 27-Mar-13 19:18:18

Not evil at all!

He just texted and as part of the back and forth said "I can't understand why you don't want to save the money and travel together"

I did not reply "because I would commit murder"

I replied (shoot me now please how pretentious am I?)

"Your cost benefit analysis is fatally flawed in that it is predicated on the erroneous assumption that I am prepared to subsidise your travel costs to the tune of 50%. This is not the case. I intend to fly. I am not asking you to subsidise my travel costs. Do not ask me to subsidise yours maths best thing is that we make our own arrangements. I am happy to pay whatever costs associated with taking the DCs since you are obviously tight for money "

The best thing. Don't know where maths came from lol

Fabulous reply! What a cock he is!!

I don't usually talk like that

I didn't even swear! I just realised

Excellent text.

Now if he comes back and tries to argue / call you irrational / whatever just say 'I've told you my plans. I'm not discussing this any more'. And then ignore any further texts.

And this:

I think not wanting to spend hours in the car with a tightfisted controlling ex is one of the most rational things I have ever heard

With bells on.

I just checked maths. The ferry alone is nearly 400 - the only way his way is cheaper is if we go together. And the flights/train were 250 so 400-250 is 150. Plus his diesel cost. I doubt he's saving any more than the 40 he said it was cheaper. Which is TWENTY FUCKING QUID EACH.

What a nob! Great reply too.

If we all fly its 245. That's for the 5 of us. SO THAT'S 122.50 each plus 15 each to pay DS train. So that total is 137.50 each

MY WAY IS FUCKING CHEAPER. UP YOURS DICKHEAD.

Please someone check I've worked that out right before I crow too much?

A turbo prop (what's that?) private plane is £6,680.

Donations please to

Iwanttopissoffmrtwopoundforty@whatadickhead.com

MarinaIvy Wed 27-Mar-13 20:47:14

your cost benefit analysis is fatally flawed ..., oh gods, freddie, you are adorable!

And don't worry about the polysyllablism. This is Mumsnet, not Netmums.

>saucer of milk for Marina's table, please<

Euphemia Wed 27-Mar-13 20:55:20

Brava! grin

He is ignoring that text. He's texted since to ask me something else but has hasn't said a peep about that one.

SquinkieBunnies Wed 27-Mar-13 21:18:50

He's ignoring it cause he knows you are right. grin

MarinaIvy Wed 27-Mar-13 21:31:26

Yeah, has he ever admitted you're right about things? I'm suspecting: No.

I have to wonder what's going to happen next! Now that you're not subsidising his ferry costs, is he going to cave and take a plane? Hmmm...

Have you picked an outfit yet? I know an orange dress was being mentioned for a bit...

Thumbwitch Wed 27-Mar-13 22:48:44

<<CHEERS AND CLAPS>>
Excellent text Freddie, and all the better for NOT swearing, because you haven't shown that you are riled. smile

He's a dick. He is, definitely, trying to get you to subsidise his trip so he can fuck right off.

I just BET, if you and the girls fly, that he will end up flying too. Dickwad. Or not going because he's a selfish cock.

Using the children in his argument with you is another very good reason why he is now an ex. That's a seriously low blow, bastard.

Boooooook theeeee fliiiiiggghhhhhhhts...

LittleBearPad Wed 27-Mar-13 22:56:20

I love your text. Book those flights and have a wonderful time being proud of your lovely DS.

StuntGirl Wed 27-Mar-13 23:08:11

I love your text grin

Don't give him any more head space. Get the kids excited about the plane ride and all the fabulous things you'll be doing at your sons graduation. You'll all have a blast flowers

Oh, and congratulations to your son!

Tortoiseontheeggshell Wed 27-Mar-13 23:17:36

You're doing well, Freddie. Although you do still have a tendency to pre-empt (imaginary) criticisms. Here you are talking about car sickness and cost benefit analysis and whatnot, when really all you have to do is say "Because I want to fly". But this is the thing, isn't it, when you've lived with a controlling man, it takes forever to stop listening to the criticisms in your own head.

Right, now. He's told, the flights are sorted (they are booked, right?). What are you going to weeeeeaaaaarrrrrr?

ZebraOwl Thu 28-Mar-13 01:59:18

YANBU - indeed, you are being Awesome.

What a worm your ex-H is. And that's doing worms a serious disservice, too.

He is an eejit & trying to get at your DDs like that is vile. Can you show them the cost calculations to reassure them?

Hope you have a fantastic time. And that your ex is the victim of a mysterious Squirrel Attack (or similar).

flowers

ChasedByBees Thu 28-Mar-13 02:17:19

Great! One thing though - I wouldn't give your DCs a choice about how to get there (i.e. With you or him) I'd book them flights. If they go with him, it'll be a crap and cramped journey and they'll likely be subjected to guilt trips and miserly-ness. Let them fly free (or £122.50 each) and have some joy!

SoupDreggon Thu 28-Mar-13 06:53:04

Fabulous text smile

hermioneweasley Thu 28-Mar-13 07:05:02

This has made my day! Brilliant text Freddie, have a wonderful time a the graduation!

Great text smile

Walkacrossthesand Thu 28-Mar-13 08:23:36

Awesome. Your reasoning is right at every level, FreddieM - how interesting that he hasn't replied to your text, all innocent-like, saying 'no, no, I wasn't going to ask you to pay half, honest..' so there's absolutely nothing he can say instead! Do book those flights though - you can find out when DS graduation is on his Uni website - as there will be a lot of people wanting to fly in a short space of time and if it's a small regional airport it would be such a tragedy to find flights full...Hopefully FWXH isnt so vindictive that he won't try to shaft you get his own back by (eg) taking DCs off on minibreak scheduled to return on day of flight and 'oh dear we've been held up so they'll have to drive up with me' - be wary!

MNetBlackpoolLE Thu 28-Mar-13 08:23:46

Ok I speak from experience after being a mug to a similar man who would do exactly the same!

Seriously I spent six months paying for him to come see dc, paying for him to get in cinema or wherever with them and paying for all their lunches including his because he was coming to access with no money at all. mug I soon caught on when I saw his FB pictures of him with new gadgets/out.

Next time text the following "sorry I've already made arrangements, don't worry I've paid for kids. see you there"

There is no reason at all to discuss anything with him unless its visitation to the dc.

Walkacrossthesand Thu 28-Mar-13 08:25:09

Sorry - double negative around vindictiveness - for won't read will!

caramelwaffle Thu 28-Mar-13 10:04:57

Have a great time.

Great text.

Well done for getting away from him.

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