Nanny spotted reading magazine whilst child at playbarn

(296 Posts)
zebedeethezebra Mon 25-Mar-13 14:04:48

AIBU to be annoyed at my nanny for reading a wedding magazine whilst 3 year old DS is at a playbarn, or do all nannies think it is reasonable to behave like this??

She was spotted by one of my friends the other week. I don't mind her having a coffee or something whilst she is there, but I expect her to keep an eye on DS, not have her nose buried in a magazine. Particularly on the money we pay her.

TheElephantIsADaintyBird Mon 25-Mar-13 14:05:55

Yabu If your child was happily playing and she was keeping a close eye on him

shewhowines Mon 25-Mar-13 14:06:25

YABU

NoelHeadbands Mon 25-Mar-13 14:06:26

This woman clearly needs to die.

Have her shot. More than once

FingersCrossedLegsNot Mon 25-Mar-13 14:06:28

Yabu

Plumsofgold Mon 25-Mar-13 14:06:35

Yabu!!

LeslieKnope Mon 25-Mar-13 14:06:59

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Wingedharpy Mon 25-Mar-13 14:07:20

I just wonder what your friend's motivation was in telling you this?

5eggstremelychocaletymadeggs Mon 25-Mar-13 14:07:21

Yabu she can read and keep an eye on your son.

shewhowines Mon 25-Mar-13 14:07:28

They are in loco parentis (SP?). If it is ok for a parent to do that then it's ok for the nanny IMO.

grin I am almost smell your outrage from here OP!

YABU.

lisad123everybodydancenow Mon 25-Mar-13 14:07:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Welovegrapes Mon 25-Mar-13 14:07:54

YANBU - I wouldn't read a magazine while looking after someone else's 3 year old.

I bet she blinks sometimes as well, how can she keep an eye on your child when she keeps closing them!

Kiriwawa Mon 25-Mar-13 14:08:39

I don't know about all nannies but as a fellow parent I think you sound a bit of a nightmare

NoelHeadbands Mon 25-Mar-13 14:08:43

You should rethink the coffee thing as well btw.

If you start letting them refresh themselves with refreshments and shit, it's a slippery slope to gin, or cake.

UnChartered Mon 25-Mar-13 14:09:01

* I don't mind her having a coffee *

how fucking gracious of you hmm

Snoopingforsoup Mon 25-Mar-13 14:09:03

YABU. I don't follow my DC around Play Barn.
He comes to me if he needs something. It's one of the only places he gets true independent fun.
If your DC's needs were met - no biggie.

Fleecyslippers Mon 25-Mar-13 14:09:07

If it was a quick flick through a magazine then YABU as long as she was still watching and engaging with DS.

If it was anything other than that, YANBU. And those who screech about your utter unreasonableness will be the same posters declaring death on mothers who fail to supervise Tarquin, meaning that he headbutts their little Roland on the slide.

weegiemum Mon 25-Mar-13 14:09:27

yabu.

Just occasionally, my nanny and I went out together (good bonding/catching up time) to a soft play with dd2 (and sometimes ds too). We'd be nattering away (we've remained very good friends!!) andwould realise 20 mins had gone by and we had no idea where dc were. I always read a book when waiting for my dc anywhere!

Startail Mon 25-Mar-13 14:09:31

YABU you can't see DCs most of the time at most soft play places so why in earth shouldn't she read.

I used to go with a nanny to ours and keep her company. We were terrible we chatted and drank coffee while her charges and my DD played.

YABU.

Just out of interest, what do you do when you go to a softplay area with your DS? Of course, I play with mine if one of them wants me to, but if they are happily playing somewhere and know where I am, then I quite happily read a magazine/answer some emails/play some tetris grin.

or do all nannies think it is reasonable to behave like this??

She was reading a mag, maybe she was thinking of a wedding invite poem! grin shock

So this friend saw your nanny reading a magazine and came running to tell you about it? Sounds like a shit stirrer. I feel sorry for the nanny. YABU

Jambonfrites Mon 25-Mar-13 14:09:43

I don't think you're being unreasonable. She's paid to look after your child, not to put her feet up.

grabaspoon Mon 25-Mar-13 14:10:00

Had to check what the nanny was reading as that could have been me blush

I am a nanny and have been known to let my charges loose in a playbarn type thing and have a cuppa/read my book. We are in a secure space, a 3 year old can come find me if they need help etc.

Part of my job is to entertain but another part is to allow my charges time to explore and play by themselves.

neunundneunzigluftballons Mon 25-Mar-13 14:10:23

It would not bother me at all but that is not the point, it does bother you. I would handle it by telling her your friend saw your ds at the playbarn and she was looking out for you, then say no more and next time she might be worried incase you have your spies out again. I definitely would not raise it as a big issue.

I bet you didn't employ a nanny whisperer did you OP? If you had then you wouldn't have these problems

I am not a nanny btw, I employ one and I do not expect her to helicopter parent

hatsybatsy Mon 25-Mar-13 14:11:45

YABU. When you take him to the playbarn do you watch him 100% of the time? What do you do when he disappears out of sight?

not sure what the relevance of the magazine being a wedding magazine is either - unless you would have been happy with a different magazine?!

relax

shewhowines Mon 25-Mar-13 14:12:05

So the nanny can never take her eyes off the child for the entire time? Most jobs have tea breaks and soft play is the equivalent.

pramdunce Mon 25-Mar-13 14:12:11

Get over it. If you were there with him I bet you'd have your nose in a magazine too. At 3 yo he is fine to be watched with a glance every now and then while she reads. He'd soon come and get her if there was a problem. Who has been telling tales btw? Sounds like they're stirring.

Mydelilah Mon 25-Mar-13 14:12:17

I'm not a nanny but until recently I employed one. YANBU

I wouldn't sit and read a wedding mag at my desk. You are paying her (a lot) to supervise and interact with your child.

Reading a mag during break time/nap time is ok

TobyLerone Mon 25-Mar-13 14:12:31

YABU and your friend who grassed the nanny up sounds like a shitstirrer and a twat.

JiltedJohnsJulie Mon 25-Mar-13 14:12:37

grin at Leslie.

I'm assuming the reason you are annoyed is that as you are a decent employer and abide by the law, you are already providing her with regular breaks and lunch breaks and this incident was not within her break time?

Here's a thought, if you resent the fact that you pay her a descendent wage and she gets to read a magazine, why not look after your child yourself?

hellsbells76 Mon 25-Mar-13 14:12:45

grin at Binky - maybe nanny should be forced to wear those eye-holdy-open things from A Clockwork Orange...

Nancy66 Mon 25-Mar-13 14:13:18

you are being totally unreasonable.

She was flicking through a magazine not freebasing crack

ZakuroFujiwara Mon 25-Mar-13 14:13:22

In my view, YANBU. I think 3 is too young to be left unattended at a soft play whilst a nanny is (I assume) sitting away from the child and not keeping an eye on what's going on.

But ultimately everyone will differ and I will be called a helicopter parent by others (my best friend for example!!).

I always make very clear to my nanny (in a friendly way) what I expect in terms of supervision dependent on where she tells me they are going - however, I also recruited a nanny that is a great big softy like me so she would often be more cautious than I would!!

There will be as many different opinions on this as there are posters...the key thing is are YOU bothered about it for YOUR 3 year old?

MajaBiene Mon 25-Mar-13 14:13:23

I tend to keep an eye on my 2 year old at those places, but don't follow him round.

When I have nannied for 3 year olds I have just let them loose.

Does your nanny have a clear break in the day when she is free to go out for lunch and not be responsible for your child? Does she work long hours?

Thought so. Nannies have to take a few minutes to themselves when they can as don't get a proper break like other employees are legally entitled to.

NuhichNuhaymuh Mon 25-Mar-13 14:13:39

YABU

It's possible to read and supervise at the same time.

megandraper Mon 25-Mar-13 14:13:58

I'll go against trend here, and say that I wouldn't expect my nanny to do this. Wouldn't expect her to entertain the 3yo if they were happy playing, but I would expect her to keep an eye on him. I would keep watching my own 3yo in a soft-play centre too. Same in a playground.

But I must admit, I loathe most soft play places and don't go to them much.

Soupa Mon 25-Mar-13 14:13:58

A lifetime ago I worked as a nanny, I wouldn't have done this. It is someone else's child, you are paid, you don't read a magazine at work.

So, what is she supposed to do?

Sit with her eyes literally fixed on the child at all times?
Never look anywhere else, ever?

Is that even realistic?

MajaBiene Mon 25-Mar-13 14:15:51

Soupa, loads of people read magazines at work. Many people have up to an hour every day to do so.

HesterShaw Mon 25-Mar-13 14:16:37

Sack her immediately.

You remind me of this sketch

Catchingmockingbirds Mon 25-Mar-13 14:17:02

confused is this one of those joke threads?

Kiriwawa Mon 25-Mar-13 14:17:27

It is perfectly possible to flick through a magazine and keep an eye on a child at the same time.

OhChristHasRisenFENTON Mon 25-Mar-13 14:18:00

She was spotted the other week? Has something else happened or is this the only thing you are unhappy with about her behaviour.

I think I'd want to know exactly how long her nose was in the magazine before I started to worry about this too much.

mum11970 Mon 25-Mar-13 14:18:03

Gee I wonder how she's supposed to visit the loo if she has to have eye contact with your child at all times.

OBface Mon 25-Mar-13 14:18:21

YABU the reason I brave softplay is to have a moment to myself to read a book or magazine. Is it reasonable to expect a nanny to be engaged with you DS every minute of the day?

Your friend is also BU to tell you.

LadyBeagleEyes Mon 25-Mar-13 14:18:22

What a lovely friend you have Op.
Sitting flickering through a magazine and it's a wedding magazine, so not a lot to read can be done while watching a child.

coffeeinbed Mon 25-Mar-13 14:18:58

Ohh! And a wedding magazine, the cow!
Whatever next, she'll be asking to days off to get married?
She clearly needs to be shot, at the very least.

NoelHeadbands Mon 25-Mar-13 14:19:23

I bet it wasn't even a wedding magazine she was reading.

I bet it was Take A Break, secreted inside a wedding magazine

expatinscotland Mon 25-Mar-13 14:19:37

YABU! And your friend who 'spotted' her sound like shit-stirring twats.

WafflyVersatile Mon 25-Mar-13 14:19:52

YABU

and your friend is a shit stirrer.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Mon 25-Mar-13 14:21:45

If I had a nanny for my DC I would NOT want her to be staring at them the whole time. Fgs it would give them a weird, unbalanced view of life and of themselves!

Welovegrapes Mon 25-Mar-13 14:21:49

This child died in a playhouse while nursery workers were chatting on the phone:

[[http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2263480/Rhiya-Malin-Nursery-workers-talking-phones-unusual-playgroup-girl-died-hanging.html]

Welovegrapes Mon 25-Mar-13 14:22:05
Catchingmockingbirds Mon 25-Mar-13 14:22:33

noel maybe it was the job section of the newspaper folded up inside her mag grin

StuntGirl Mon 25-Mar-13 14:22:46

Oh give over you daft mare grin Have you never read a magazine/checked your texts/chatted with your friends/anything else that doesn't give 100% undivided attention to your kid? I'm sure they'll survive.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Mon 25-Mar-13 14:22:53

And a million more did not WELOVEGRAPES. What a horrible post.

mum11970 Mon 25-Mar-13 14:22:59

Wonder who was watching your friend's child while she was watching your nanny!

HesterShaw Mon 25-Mar-13 14:23:13

Oh well then.

"It's absolutely true because I read it in the Daily Mail."

Another YouTube classic

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Mon 25-Mar-13 14:23:37

AND Welovegreapes that was at a NURSERY not a playbarn!

MadamFolly Mon 25-Mar-13 14:23:58

What else is she supposed to do whilst facilitating your son to have independent play that is necessary for his development? Should she have been knitting him a hat? Standing to attention?

OP, what exactly do you expect your Nanny to do, follow him round?

Is that what you do when you take him?

Kiriwawa Mon 25-Mar-13 14:25:35

Welovegrapes - that's a story about a child who died in an an outdoor playhouse at a nursery.

What exactly is the relevance here? confused

Welovegrapes Mon 25-Mar-13 14:25:55

The nursery worker was convicted and I think is still awaiting sentencing. Accidents can happen and that is why I wouldn't be reading and supervising someone else's child.

JiltedJohnsJulie Mon 25-Mar-13 14:26:11

Hester never heard that sketch before, its brilliant. OP has the nanny finished the extension yet?

mrsbungle Mon 25-Mar-13 14:27:24

Do you go in the soft play and follow your child about then? Or just sit and continuously look at them?

YABU.

"standing to attention" grin

As we are using the one story in the daily mail as proof and evidence we must also be accepting annecdotal evidence.

I took all 3 of mine to soft play. I took a book with me, my phone, magazines, laptop.

They are 15, 14 and 9 now. All still here. Didnt come to any harm from not having my eyes fixed on them at all times.

My SIL and MIL also took them. And talked to each other rather than watching the children at all times.

Yep, still no terrible side effects. Yet.

OutragedFromLeeds Mon 25-Mar-13 14:28:38

Welove I know an adult who got run over! Perhaps we should all stop crossing roads? Or only go out with our mums until we're 50? hmm

OP YABU. If it was a younger child it would be different, but at 3yo they're old enough to play alone, being supervised from the sidelines.

Fookinell Mon 25-Mar-13 14:29:35

Visit the loo, the OP has probably given the poor girl a Sheewee and a bottle to pee inhmm I was a nanny for 20 years and most of my employers were lovely, except the idiot mum who wanted me to take the phone into the loo so that i could answer the phone at all times.....

ppeatfruit Mon 25-Mar-13 14:30:14

NYANBU I was a nanny and CM and there's no way I would have read a magazine while taking the L.O's out. You never know if there's a bigger kid about to whack/push your mindee or vice versa and i would be there to stop it the trouble before it escalated.

OOOo just think, she might be planning to get married and leave. You'll have to find a new nanny. If you get an illiterate one, this will never happen again.

ppeatfruit Mon 25-Mar-13 14:32:12

You can generally see the L.O's in the play places if not I'd make effing sure I could.

YABU. When at softplay I let my charges run wild. They know I do spot-checks and will play with them in short bursts but for the most part they play alone now. It's great! It's the only time I'm with them that they get to be really independent! We go once every two or three weeks. We'd go more frequently if I didn't get so bored whilst there grin

Also, this:
"I'm assuming the reason you are annoyed is that as you are a decent employer and abide by the law, you are already providing her with regular breaks and lunch breaks and this incident was not within her break time?"

Let us have our five minutes rest!

Locketjuice Mon 25-Mar-13 14:33:23

YABU

Notafoodbabyanymore Mon 25-Mar-13 14:34:53

I was a nanny years ago, and on the odd occasion I took one of my charges to a soft play, I would sit with a coffee and magazine and enjoy the peace from the normal round of cooking, cleaning and ironing. If I could do all those things whilst supervising my 4 charges at home, why couldn't I supervise one in a safe, enclosed space whilst reading a magazine?

I am now a mum of a 3 year old, and would do exactly the same thing with her. She's old enough to play independently, and come find me if she needs me.

YABU, and your friend is a bitch.

TrinityRhino Mon 25-Mar-13 14:35:39

excuse me op but you are appearing rather a lot unhinged

YABU. That is unless you are willing to come home and give her ten minute coffee breaks and a lunchbreak like any other employed worker. This is how nannies get their breaks.

It is good for your child to have a little independent time in a safe environment where they can easily find the adult who is looking after them.

It is very very good for your child to see adults that are important to them enjoying reading. Not sure how strongly I can emphasise that. It is why some schools have an 'everyone reads in class' period during the day. It isn't because teachers are lazy fuckers who want an extra break, it is so they can model behaviour they want the kids to aspire to. A pre-reader really needs to see ALL the adults in his/her life enjoying reading every day.

It is not good for your child for your nanny to feel like she is being checked up on.

Yep, have her shot...........

Seriously, you need to get a grip. What do you want her to do - spend the time staring at your little darling and not take her eyes off at all?? Do you never read a mag whilst looking after your kids?

You don't mind her having a coffee though....what a kind employer you are hmm

Sparklingbrook Mon 25-Mar-13 14:42:42

Poor Nanny. sad

NeverKnowinglyUnderstood Mon 25-Mar-13 14:46:00

HMMM I think it is very interesting.

Having run a couple of playgroups, I have seen childcarers sit with a magazine and totally ignore all that is going on around them to the detriment of the children they had been supervising... if your nanny was doing that YANBU.
However, there are lots of childcarers who have a cuppa and chat or read a magazine and are totally aware of what was going on in the room Yabu.

JiltedJohnsJulie Mon 25-Mar-13 14:46:33

I usually discourage MNers from divulging personal information on here OP but can you tell us who you are so that all the nannies on here can avoid you like the plague? It'll save a lot of time next time you are recruiting smile

Really hope your nanny is a MNer too.

pinkyponk67 Mon 25-Mar-13 14:51:23

Soft play centres are an accident waiting to happen, having had 3 kids of my own I have seen countless pre school kids have accidents/get into fights etc when not supervised by their parents. I don't often go to them now except the smaller ones and i wouldn't sit and read a magazine in one when looking after my own child. Even if you could guarantee your kid would be perfectly behaved, you don't know who else is in there with them.

Goldmandra Mon 25-Mar-13 14:52:10

If you trust your nanny you need to allow her to make these small judgements about the level of supervision your child needs.

You need to believe that she has checked out the playbarn in terms of the safety and cleanliness of the equipment as far as is reasonable and is aware of the procedures in place to prevent a child from leaving unaccompanied.

You need to accept that she has talked with your child about how to behave in a playbarn and that she has imparted this information at a developmentally appropriate level for your child because she knows him well enough to do so.

You need to trust her to have made sure he knows where to find her or to call out if he needs her and ensured that she will be able to hear him if he does.

You need to accept that she has made a judgement about how long she can allow him to play between checking on him or making sure she can see him from where she is sitting and to be professional enough to be doing that.

If you trust her to have done all those things you should allow her to do her job and perhaps a have a few minutes which aren't down time because she will still be vigilant to the needs of her charge but could perhaps be a breather in the midst of a busy day.

If you don't trust her to do those things you need to rethink your childcare arrangements.

If she were discovered watching tv while he played alone in the bath or chatting with her mates while he was round the corner playing at the side of a busy road I could understand your friend reporting back to you but this is rather OTT.

yup YABU.
Everyone is entitled to a coffee break and as long as the child is safe and happy.

shewhowines Mon 25-Mar-13 14:54:31

good points gold

FingersCrossedLegsNot Mon 25-Mar-13 14:55:08

Do you permit your nanny to go to the toilet? Does she bring your dc with her to the toilet?

RandallPinkFloyd Mon 25-Mar-13 14:57:01

YADNBU, she should be flogged immediately.

Flicking through a magazine that contains only pictures whilst your child plays a few feet away in a room made almost entirely out of foam?

Disgusting behaviour. She'll be going out to the bin next you mark my words.

Sparklingbrook Mon 25-Mar-13 14:57:11

Perhaps tell the Nanny to stay in in future. No fun at the Playbarn for your DS.

Soupa Mon 25-Mar-13 14:58:00

Majabiene, yeah never had one of those. Jobs.

IME soft play is like lord of the flies, I would be watching out for them. Of course it could have been appropriate to the situation and the friend an idiot but it could be that the nanny was inattentive. I used to know some who used these places as some kind of childcare that didn't involve them. The friend could have been being helpful some nannies are shit some incredible. The op should have a good idea of whether hers is ok.

Floggingmolly Mon 25-Mar-13 15:02:06

Would she have been allowed to get into the soft play bit with him even if she wanted to? (and who in their right mind would want to?)

JuneChurch Mon 25-Mar-13 15:02:55

You just can't get the staff these days.

I bet she buys pasta too.

morethanpotatoprints Mon 25-Mar-13 15:04:02

Ha grin totally unreasonable.

I take it you don't take your kids out much then? All parents, gps, cms, nannies can watch kids and have a bit of a flick through a magazine. OMG I really don't believe some people.

Hang on, wind up, troll perhaps.

shewhowines Mon 25-Mar-13 15:07:26

No, unfortunately probably not. Quite a few helicopter parents have agreed with op

Megatron Mon 25-Mar-13 15:08:29

When I read the heading I actually thought this was a joke thread.

If she was ingrossed in war and peace then I may see your point but flicking through a magazine is hardly the same thing so YABU. Unless of course your DS is normally terribly badly behaved and needs someone watching his every move.

LadyBeagleEyes Mon 25-Mar-13 15:08:50

The thing is, I'm sure she probably was watching him.
You can look through a magazine, particularly a wedding one which are mainly just nice pictures, drink coffee, even talk to others and watch your child at the same time.
It's not rocket science.

LadyClariceCannockMonty Mon 25-Mar-13 15:09:39

'Particularly on the money we pay her.'

Stealth boast ahoy grin

Dawndonna Mon 25-Mar-13 15:13:47

yawn.
biscuit

CatPussInACrownOfThorns Mon 25-Mar-13 15:16:02

Reverse AIBU?

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Mon 25-Mar-13 15:18:32

This is a wind up, yes? Good one. grin

I thought the whole point of taking the kids to that hell on earth that is soft play is that you can sit and read for a bit, looking up every now and again to make sure they're ok. (which they are. In a sealed environment that basically consists of great big foam cushions everywhere!)

You do know adults can't actually get in there with them, don't you?

ppeatfruit Mon 25-Mar-13 15:19:15

soupa I agree. As I said before I've been on both sides of the nanny\mother divide. Of course she could've been watching or not If it were me I'd prefer to be told especially if I had my doubts about her. it doesn't make me a mad mother just one who cares about her DCs.

I know L.O's who've been quite badly injured in soft play centres BTW.

LOs can get badly injured anywhere even when being supervised by their loving helicopter parents.

LoopaDaLoopa Mon 25-Mar-13 15:22:56

Ah

RandallPinkFloyd Mon 25-Mar-13 15:23:02

I think you're right ppeat, you're just the type of parent who cares about your child.

I'm not that bothered about mine. I just tend to strap a couple of pillows to him and hope for the best.

Goldmandra Mon 25-Mar-13 15:26:20

I know L.O's who've been quite badly injured in soft play centres BTW.

Can you tell me any place you can take a child where another child hasn't been quite badly injured at some point, either in that particular place or another one of a similar nature?

Children have been badly injured and even killed in beds.

I am wondering where the OP is......

ppeatfruit Mon 25-Mar-13 15:26:24

Yeah 2 pillows and a helmet and he'll be fine grin

CatPussInACrownOfThorns Mon 25-Mar-13 15:27:10

Goldmandra has it exactly right.

ppeatfruit Mon 25-Mar-13 15:27:24

Yeah but when the nanny 's been in charge she'd be in deep shit.

CatPussInACrownOfThorns Mon 25-Mar-13 15:29:43

I know L.O's who've been quite badly injured in soft play centres BTW
And how will watching the child prevent injury?

ppeatfruit Mon 25-Mar-13 15:35:33

Erm you can tell them not to hang off a slide or not to hit a L.O. and stop a fight should one be starting. I take it that you don't watch your 3 year old and he or she never is involved in fights.

foreversunny Mon 25-Mar-13 15:38:26

YABU.

Your friend sounds delightful for reporting back to you hmm

JiltedJohnsJulie Mon 25-Mar-13 15:39:20

Stealth boast indeed LadyClarice grin

Yes, I've seen lots of stories of children getting injured at play centres, that's why I keep mine in the wheelie bin. I've never once seen a story in the daily mail of a child being kept in a wheelie bin coming to harm. Great parent me.

UnChartered Mon 25-Mar-13 15:41:40

this bar of chocolate and a espresso says the OP has got distracted by a magazine article

YOO HOOO!! OP!!!

Fucksake

Poppet48 Mon 25-Mar-13 15:47:37

Spotted reading a magazine at the play barn! Words fail me blush

Come on OP, YABU.

coughingbean Mon 25-Mar-13 15:53:46

As the op has nit replied I am inclined to believe this is a winduphmm

ISeeRedPeople Mon 25-Mar-13 15:53:58

Perhaps you should only employ resolutely-single nannies in future. Ones who don't enjoy crafts, sleb gossip, television, antiques, current affairs or photography.

They will struggle harder to find an engaging magazine and are more likely to be watching your child instead [sage nod]

ByTheWay1 Mon 25-Mar-13 15:54:47

hahahahahahaha - it is a wind up?? isn't it ???? hmm

OP - do you go home to let the nanny go to the toilet occasionally? or does she have to take your LO in there with her?

Sounds like she is helping your child become a happy independent 3 year old, preparing it for school - where it may have to - you know - PLAY ALONE SOMETIMES..... or even meet with other kids without an adult overlooking them, and make friends.... I'd be paying her more for her foresight - not criticising her for allowing free and independent play...

coughingbean Mon 25-Mar-13 15:55:05

Also I just literally lold at 'wheelie bin' blush

LeggoAcubunnyture Mon 25-Mar-13 15:59:46

The question is, do you watch your child's every move while at a playbarn/soft play? If the answer is no, then YABU, if yes, then YANBU.

You should have her flogged a word with her about what you expect when in such places.

LegArmpits Mon 25-Mar-13 16:01:07

I actually hate EVERYONE today. Jesus Christ Op.

Tubegirl Mon 25-Mar-13 16:04:40

I don't care if this is a wind up - those links from HesterShaw were worth it! Although if serious Goldmandra made some excellent points and I agree with her.

Echocave Mon 25-Mar-13 16:05:14

OP don't worry I bet she was keeping an eye on your DC at the same time. It comes down to trust. But if she was genuinely not keeping an eye out then YANBU. I think your pal sounds a bit of a stirrer (sorry) but equally the frothing that goes on here sometimes when people criticise a nanny is ludicrous. Some are great and some aren't. Live with it mumsnet!

PearlyWhites Mon 25-Mar-13 16:05:20

Is this a wind up? If not yabu

sittinginthesun Mon 25-Mar-13 16:06:11

I know this sounds unreasonable on the face of it, but doesn't it entirely depend on the child, the play barn and the circumstances?

There are local soft play centres where I wouldn't let a three year old play unsupervised. Big, unsupervised spaces, older children tearing around. Others, I would happily have a coffee, and watch from a distance.

I know a lot of nannies, although I have never employed one. Several I know would happily leave a child to run around a park or play area with far less supervision than I would like, if it were my child.

I don't helicopter, btw. I just watch from a distance, but I am aware of where they are and if there is any problem.

So, OP, I actually don't think you ABU, unless the nanny was literally glancing at a magazine and watching at the same time. presumably your friend thought the nanny wasn't playing close enough attention?

JiltedJohnsJulie Mon 25-Mar-13 16:06:40

Yes, perhaps the OP is too busy reading Daily Twat to reply?

Yabu. I suspect you know this by now though and won't be back

zebedeethezebra Mon 25-Mar-13 16:27:28

Gosh you lot are evil. I hope you all feel pleased with yourselves. Actually I've been at work, which is more than I can say for most of you lot. I suspect you are mostly nannies / childminders yourself.

I keep a constant eye on DS when I'm at the playbarn actually. DS is only just 3 years old and in my view they are not completely safe environments where you can just ignore what is going on.

HesterShaw Mon 25-Mar-13 16:28:55

Yes I am a nanny. Tis true, you've got me there.

And no one on MN works. We're all housewives with nothing to do except go on MN.

JiltedJohnsJulie Mon 25-Mar-13 16:29:50

Are we being a tad judgemental there zebeedee? I've been at home all day looking after a very sick child, and no, I'm not a cm or nanny smile.

I`m being a bit stupid here, but at soft play with over three`s is it not normal then to sit with a coffee, have a chat or read a book/magazine glancing up when you remember, (therefore averting eyes away from child/ren) or are you meant to go into the thing and play aswell? Because I find all those adults climbing around the thing a bit bloody annoying.

x posts

hahahahahahahahah op, your a one ar`nt you.

I actually thought this was a joke thread from the title
seems not.
If you want to interact with the children, then don't take them to soft play grin

Also, whilst your friend was spying on your nanny, she was not looking at her own children, bad bad mother.

"they are not completely safe environments where you can just ignore what is going on. "

If you're waiting for a completely safe environment, might as well buy shares in cotton wool now. In a year or so he'll be going to school you know and they tend to frown on parents sitting in.
Although I do believe there's a siren going off after the nannies/childminder comment...sounded just on the wrong side of the goady line for me

sittinginthesun Mon 25-Mar-13 16:35:13

I think it is just me and the OP then - as I said, there are soft play areas around me where I would always supervise. Not climb up myself (although I have been known to), but to WATCH from a distance. You are responsible for your child whilst in there. It's not supervised child care.

morethanpotatoprints Mon 25-Mar-13 16:36:21

OP, yes we have all been at home looking after our dc, not complaining about somebody else looking after them.
Keeping an eye on them by the way doesn't keep them from harm. What do you expect the nanny to do, go in with your child?

I looked out for mine too, but at the sign of rough and tumble I didn't go dragging them out, or confronting other dc or parents.

What do you expect your nanny to do, other than keep an eye open.
If she doesn't do what you want her too you could try taking your child yourself.

shewhowines Mon 25-Mar-13 16:36:55

nope. Not a cminder or nanny. Just not over protective.

RandallPinkFloyd Mon 25-Mar-13 16:36:56

Ah, see now you've ruined it.

You were almost believable up til then, but like all wind up merchants you just couldn't resist taking it that bit too far.

Still, lesson learned for next time.

valiumredhead Mon 25-Mar-13 16:38:39

Ha ha ha ha ha ha funny thread grin

Just in case you are genuine YABU, nothing wrong with taking a magazine to the play centre, in fact it's much healthier than hovering over the child, let them have some independence!

shewhowines Mon 25-Mar-13 16:38:57

And I would be on here complaining if parents didn't intervene when necessary, but it is possible to keep an eye on them without devoting your eyes entirely to them.

JiltedJohnsJulie Mon 25-Mar-13 16:40:55

Although I do believe there's a siren going off after the nannies/childminder comment...sounded just on the wrong side of the goady line for me grin

There are soft play centres near to me where I wouldn't take my eyes off my children too. That's why I don't take them to those centres. I'm assuming that as the OPs friend was there and the OP hasn't bitched about the play barn in question, its one of the better ones?

Does she get official bread then zeebeedee?

EggsitPursuedByAChocolateBunny Mon 25-Mar-13 16:41:28

There are some real loons on here at the moment.

JiltedJohnsJulie Mon 25-Mar-13 16:42:49

Breaks not bread, unless you are paying her in sliced white. She probably wouldn't appreciate those lovely little artisan loaves you have though would she grin

SoupDreggon Mon 25-Mar-13 16:43:40

Isn't the while point of a Play Barn that you can sit and read something whilst your child/charge plays? Looking up occasionally to check where they are (something that won't be obvious to someone spying though)

cornyvin Mon 25-Mar-13 16:43:57

She was probably looking for a new job.

pleasestoptalking Mon 25-Mar-13 16:44:14

I agree. I don't think you are being unreasonable. I wouldn't sit at my desk at work and read a magazine. She is being paid to look after your kids.

I also wouldn't sit and read a magazine when I was at soft play. I would be keeping an eye on my children. It's a pet hate of mine that some mums absolve themselves of all responsibility as soon as they walk through the doors at soft play.

5eggstremelychocaletymadeggs Mon 25-Mar-13 16:45:31

Not a nanny or childminder, sahm of five who have all been to soft play many many times. In 13yrs we have had one injury when ds1 was in a ball pit, i was sat right by the ball pit but nothing i could do, he got poked in the eye by another chikds toe! Totally fluke occurance as they were playing and he was fine, had eye drops for a week, putting those in was more traumatic than the origional toe in eye incident.

Its perfectly reasonable to sit and keep an eye on a child whilst reading a magazine.

If you're waiting for a completely safe environment, might as well buy shares in cotton wool now

But then they'll be so buried in cotton wool you won't be able to see them anyway....maybe layers of clingfilm

Astelia Mon 25-Mar-13 16:48:39

YANBU OP

There is no way I would read anything when my 3YO was playing at soft play. Glance around, wander around, yes. But I would not go 30 seconds without seeing her and checking she was ok.

I am amazed at the responses you have had here.

mum11970 Mon 25-Mar-13 16:48:45

No, not a nanny or childminder. I'm just a mother of 3 kids on Easter holidays, and have been to more soft play than I care to remember. All 3 are now past the age of soft play and came out unscathed.

JiltedJohnsJulie Mon 25-Mar-13 16:49:18

*Ah, see now you've ruined it.

You were almost believable up til then, but like all wind up merchants you just couldn't resist taking it that bit too far.

Still, lesson learned for next time.*

Lesson learned indeed.

please, there is a difference between having a coffee/magazine/chat and absolving responsibility in a soft play/playground. Many parents/carers can multitask, no one just sits there staring at their child, that would be weird.

FrameyMcFrame Mon 25-Mar-13 16:51:59

Oh God, call the NSPCC...

Bogeyface Mon 25-Mar-13 16:53:20

Nice to see my windup radar is fully functional! As soon as I saw the thread title I knew it was BS!

I would have replied earlier but I was at work!

HesterShaw Mon 25-Mar-13 16:54:49

There is no way I would read anything when my 3YO was playing at soft play. Glance around, wander around, yes. But I would not go 30 seconds without seeing her and checking she was ok.

How do you know that's not what the nanny was doing? She could well have been doing it more often. And the busybody "friend" doesn't know either as presumably she wasn't close enough to see the nanny's eyes flicking from mag to child.

Bogeyface Mon 25-Mar-13 16:55:04

Oh and in case this is genuine yeah right

If you are paying her £££ then that will be because she is a good nanny and a good nanny can name her price. A good nanny also knows other good nannies and agencies so a bad employer (ie you) will find it harder to get a good replacement than she will find it to get another job! You might want to bear that in mind......

CatPussInACrownOfThorns Mon 25-Mar-13 16:56:05

Actually Im a self employed market trader on her day off. so there!

VitoCorleone Mon 25-Mar-13 16:58:28

Your friend sounds like a twat.

Pandemoniaa Mon 25-Mar-13 16:59:36

It was thoughtful of you, OP to provide a perfect example of why there is no point in posting in AIBU when you are already certain that you are not. You've also backed up your example by resorting to being uppity with everyone who has had the temerity to disagree with you.

But beyond this, what do you plan to do next? Do you honestly intend to confront your nanny with third hand "evidence" of her alleged neglect? Or might you consider that actually, since you wouldn't have employed an unqualified nanny, and you weren't there to see what was happening your 3 year old was not at any sort of risk since his nanny was keeping an eye on him. Something that's not incompatible with flicking through a magazine.

grin Those of us lot who replied are evil?

What do we have to be pleased about?

thebody Mon 25-Mar-13 17:03:24

You sound unhinged. Here have a grip.

pleasestoptalking
It's a pet hate of mine that some mums absolve themselves of all responsibility as soon as they walk through the doors at soft play.

Glancing through a mag, or even reading it, isn't abdicating responsibility. Even at 3 yrs old, my DCs just needed checking occasionally, not keeping an eye on them constantly.

I've been at work today, finish at 1pm on a Monday thanks smile

There is a difference between supervision and helicoptering. There is one centre near me where I wouldn't be able to find my charges easily. I don't use it. The others are all a case of getting up and having a quick walk around. I usually spot them in a few seconds but if I don't I know where they are in the hurricane machine pretending to be under water

We have no clue what the nanny was doing, for all we know the friend was entirely right and the nanny was completely absorbed in her mag. Or she could have been reading the mag in a distracted manner, glancing up every now and then, getting up if need be and so on.

OP, you sound like the mother the other week who lectured me for daring to sit down after playing with the children for 20 minutes. She was sat on her iPad and sent her child away every time he came close hmm

Spero Mon 25-Mar-13 17:15:58

I think it depends a lot on the soft play centre. The one at Brixton Rec was quite terrifying for eg and seemed deliberately designed to maim small children whilst hiding them from adult view.

However any soft play centre where nannies gather is highly unlikely to pose much of a threat I would have thought from either dodgy equipment or horrid rampaging Poor children.

I once read the entire Observer, even boring foreign news bits without looking up more than twice. Daughter had got stuck but some other helpful children came to find me and I think it was very character forming. Ahem.

She knows where I am sitting, even if I am watching her with gimlet stare that won't actually stop her falling off something and I trust the massive amounts of foam padding to do their job.

But if you are unhappy with what nanny does, talk to her. Please get her side of the story before relying on your lovely sounding friend. There is a big difference between leafing through a mag and being engrossed in War and Peace.

Wishihadabs Mon 25-Mar-13 17:24:43

OP would it be different if she had been texting or mning ? I can't see how looking at a magazine is different. Lots of those places provide newspapers fgs. What on earth would you have had her do?

IAmNotAMindReader Mon 25-Mar-13 17:25:16

YABU for allowing your child to cross the threshold of the Satans fun factory that is otherwise termed soft play.

You have 2 choices:
Sit down with your nanny and revise your expectations of her.
Treat it as child endangerment and therefore gross misconduct and sack her.

Your friend btw is no friend. She is a shit stirring loud mouth who won't hesitate to flap her gums at the merest hint of misfortune that dares so much as glance in your direction to all and sundry.

LadyClariceCannockMonty Mon 25-Mar-13 17:26:21

'Gosh you lot are evil. I hope you all feel pleased with yourselves. Actually I've been at work, which is more than I can say for most of you lot. I suspect you are mostly nannies / childminders yourself.'

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

a) I've been at work too
b) if we were mostly nannies/childminders, what of it? You clearly think enough of them to pay one loadsamoney to look after your child although presumably you make her life hell on wheels in other ways

But I suspect that this is a wind-up, actually, in which case all of the above become null and void.

Sparklingbrook Mon 25-Mar-13 17:36:24

Ah well, maybe she will get married and hand her notice in and do you a favour. Are you hoping for a wedding invitation?

I'm a nurse, sorry op.
Why ask if yabu if you know you're not

flangledoodle Mon 25-Mar-13 17:42:21

Is this a joke?

bunnybing Mon 25-Mar-13 17:48:42

YANBU, Zebee. The local childminders used to meet up at a softplay place near me and I was always amazed at how little attention they'd pay their mindees. Their minding used to consist of letting the kids go and occasionally barking at them if they were in the wrong ball pit.

Also once saw a woman with a toddler of about 1year - 18months in a buggy. Instead got letting the child get out and play, she just had her buckled into her buggy, paid her no attention whatsoever, and was reading a magazine on child psychology!

I am a mum of a 16yr old and 12yr old. I was a nanny before I had my kids.

I don't think it is a windup because I interviewed for jobs where the parents felt this way. I also turned them down because I didn't want to work for neurotic helicopter parents and don't think it is good for the children.

If I did I would only do so because I was paying a hefty premium and expectations were very clearly laid out ahead of time.

"I know this sounds unreasonable to many people, but it is how I want my child raised and I am paying an extra $$$ to make it happen. It is a requirement of the job."

rainrainandmorerain Mon 25-Mar-13 17:50:23

pleasestoptalking - totally agree.

Lazy entitled parents/carers at soft play (or anywhere) do my head in. They leave their kids to run riot (funny how often it is THEIR kids hitting/kicking/bullying - maybe that's why they don't give a shit) while a few other more responsible parents are left trying to intervene or manage situations when they kick off. Or worse, spend ages looking for a parent with an upset child who's just been clobbered ("yes, she is upset... yes, it is bleeding a bit, isn't it....).

Then they go on about 'helicoptering'. Yawn. They need to leave the magazines alone - it's not the fucking hairdressers, and I'm sick of looking after their kids when they just can't be arsed.

garlicbrunch Mon 25-Mar-13 17:51:16

OP, your friend wants your nanny. Have you not twigged yet?

Sparklingbrook Mon 25-Mar-13 17:53:11

TBF soft play is vile and should be banned. It is the cause of so many problems.

Spero Mon 25-Mar-13 18:05:17

Where are all these soft play centres where children are hitting and kicking? I have never experienced this, which is why I am more than happy to get coffee and read paper. If other children are hitting and kicking, why aren't you reporting this to staff??

Same here Spero, I very rarely see injuries at soft play and if there is the staff are on to it. I cant see parents jumping in and sorting out woes at a childrens play center having a good ending tbh.

Spero Mon 25-Mar-13 18:25:55

The biggest problem I have seen is the older more boisterous children getting into the areas designated for the toddlers, which I accept can be a problem. But I thought the whole POINT of the hideous noisy hellholes is that children can play unsupervised in a relatively safe environment where frazzled carer gets a chance to sit down with coffee and mag?

If I was told no coffee or mag I would never, ever enter. They are the only things that lure me in.

SassySask Mon 25-Mar-13 18:33:51

Silly bloody woman.
Ill just point out that your friend quite clearly wasnt watching her own kids if she had time to gawp at your nanny. And <shock horror> she wasnt at work either!

Foshizzle Mon 25-Mar-13 18:39:30

Nah, YANBU in my opinion.

If I'm paying you to look after my kid, that means look after my kid, not read magazines, especially not with a 3 year old in a public place. I wouldn't do it and I wouldn't expect a carer to. I couldn't give a crap how that would make me look and if you were the type of person who thought me neurotic for that then it's probably a good thing that you wouldn't be interested in the job.

I've never understood how people think it's totally acceptable for a load of under 5s to pile into a small(ish) area and throw themselves around unsupervised. IME it's usually the parents hovering around who end up keeping some semblance of order. I hate soft play.

ApocalypseThen Mon 25-Mar-13 18:39:46

Overall, if the child is happy, stimulated and generally safe (accidents will happen, so long as its not regular/routine) and you have no complaint other than what a friend reported seeing, I think you should count yourself lucky to have a competent and able childminder.

I would also think that castigating someone who has all the marks of a competent professional using judgement appropriately (she clearly assessed the risks properly or you wouldn't just know this by hearsay) is poor on your part.

Employ her and respect her or let her find a more reasonable position. If this is your only concern about her, she won't be long finding a family who actually not a complete pain to work for.

LeggoAcubunnyture Mon 25-Mar-13 18:40:53

Well that's us evil lot told!

Like I said, if the nanny wasn't watching your child the way you parent then YANBU.

Rather than listening to idle gossip, have you asked her?

McPheetStink Mon 25-Mar-13 18:44:49

I feel sorry for your nanny sad

It's bloody hard work. Try it.

RalphGnu Mon 25-Mar-13 18:45:09

2/10

Your second post was just a bit too mock outraged, OP.

Must try harder.

Wallace Mon 25-Mar-13 18:49:27

Hang on. The OP says her ds was at a playbarn "Nanny spotted reading magazine whilst child at playbarn" and "my nanny for reading a wedding magazine whilst 3 year old DS is at a playbarn"

Therein lies the problem: The Nanny wasn't even there at all shock

Goldmandra Mon 25-Mar-13 18:50:51

Ah! She dropped him off then went to WH Smiths, you mean?

thegreylady Mon 25-Mar-13 18:52:05

If it is during school hours and she is sitting where your ds can easily find her I dont see the problem.
Are you really real?I usually take everyone at face value but not many people would be so easily 'outraged'.

Sparklingbrook Mon 25-Mar-13 18:53:11

Why is the fact it was a wedding magazine mentioned? Is this relevant?

Spero Mon 25-Mar-13 18:53:50

Some of you must go to very exciting play barns. Are you sure you have not taken a wrong turn and ended up on actual barn?

I do not see these pits of slathering feral children just waiting to rip each other to bits. The toddlers sit there and pull stuff around, the older ones run around and generally look as though they are having a great time. My daughters tally of injuries in past six years? nil. Worst injury she has ever has was falling off scooter in park when I was right behind her.

Apparentlychilled Mon 25-Mar-13 18:56:24

I don't think you're necessarily being unreasonable, but that kind of depends on whether it was a quick flick with one eye/ear on DC, or whether she was totally focused on her mag. Maybe the best thing is to have a word with her?

OutragedFromLeeds Mon 25-Mar-13 18:57:33

grin at all the 'I'm not a nanny' comments!

I actually am a nanny and read this while my youngest charge played in the road with a dangerous dog and some glass slept.

At our local soft play they actually sell magazines there, it's designed to let children play freely and adults have a sit down.

Obviously if your local softplay is one of the ones where the other children are hooligans and there is broken glass in the ball pond then you need to watch them or find a new soft play, otherwise you don't need to watch them the whole time.

OutragedFromLeeds Mon 25-Mar-13 18:59:42

'Therein lies the problem: The Nanny wasn't even there at all'

grin if the OP comes back to drip feed that the nanny was reading the magazine in the car park this will be the greatest thread ever.

Turniphead1 Mon 25-Mar-13 19:07:58

I think OP is finding a way to sack the nanny for gross mismagazine reading. To avoid paying her maternity pay after she gets married & has her own child. Yup. That's it for sure.

Wallace Mon 25-Mar-13 19:10:11

WHSmiths sounds like a good possibility grin

KatieMiddleton Mon 25-Mar-13 19:10:41

Hahahahahahahahahahahaha! grin

I suspect you are mostly nannies / childminders yourself. Yeah, you... you... childcarers!!!!!

skratta Mon 25-Mar-13 19:11:29

grin

LineRunnyEgg Mon 25-Mar-13 19:21:36

Hester Was Rastamouse an actual thread?!

Well, I employ a nanny because I work, and no, I don't work as a nanny grin.

I am quite eveeeel though grin.

This must be a reverse AIBU, surely? Please?

In case it's not: I don't disagree with the notion that your nanny should respect your parenting choices, but otoh if you do not trust her to look after your child using her own judgement when you are not there, then you should not have anybody look after your child.
Letting somebody else (paid childcare, family, friends) look after your child means that you have handed over the responsibility of looking after them. You sound actually quite unhappy with the whole arrangement and therefore suspicious, maybe?

HesterShaw Mon 25-Mar-13 19:26:45

Am I the only one who thinks soft play is good fun? <weirdo>

Soft play is good fun when you can join in grin
Our local one does not allow adults on the climbing frame thing.
And DS4(3) now pushes me out of the way in his haste to follow his friends/brothers.
Which leaves me free to neglect him...

TSSDNCOP Mon 25-Mar-13 19:38:55

How was your most marvellous friend looking after her own DC whilst keeping surveillance an eye on your Nanny?

Have you really written down somewhere that you want DS monitored and handled at all times? What will you expect when he goes to school, or will nanny be forced into a uniform and re-live advanced finger painting.

FGS unclench woman.

Or pack you job in and look after your DC yourself perhaps.

Goldmandra Mon 25-Mar-13 19:39:35

Our soft play closed recently but it did let adults in to play smile

They lets us go down the long wavy slide too but not the vertical drop slide for which I was eternally grateful grin

Ive always thought there should be ones just for adults, dh wanted to open one up for adults that would be licenced, he thought it could be become the next `big thing`, bless him grin

TSSDNCOP Mon 25-Mar-13 19:42:29

Dreams surely that's just a Wetherspoons with a bumpy slide in the corner, no?

HazelnutinCaramel Mon 25-Mar-13 19:43:00

I must be sadly misinformed because I thought the POINT of these places was for the DC to run around on their own. It's one of the few environments where it's actually safe for them to do so. Isn't it?

Have you sacked the lazy cow yet OP?

TSSDNCOP grin

Foshizzle Mon 25-Mar-13 19:58:02

I thought the point of soft play was that you could worry less about them falling and hurting themselves on hard surfaces and so be less hands-on with unsteady toddlers etc. I didn't think it absolved you of all supervisory responsibilities.

<clearly misinformed>

OutragedFromLeeds Mon 25-Mar-13 20:03:50

'supervisory responsibilities' is exactly what softplay gives you. You sit in head office with a magazine and a coffee and when there is a problem the DC come and report it to you.

RubyGates Mon 25-Mar-13 20:04:52

Is this the same Nanny, or have you frightened off another few since then?
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/childminders_nannies_au_pairs_etc/1158626-Feeding-the-nanny

Oblomov Mon 25-Mar-13 20:06:07

Oh this is a good thread. Home from work, (yes op, I was at work), tired. This has rite cheered me up. Love a good laff

Foshizzle Mon 25-Mar-13 20:07:12

Where that approach fails, Outraged, is where your DC are the protagonists. That's the real point.

JaquelineHyde Mon 25-Mar-13 20:09:43

You don't mind her having a coffee? hmm
Are you really sure about this? If I were you I would ban the consumption of any food or drink and insist of a full scale fast all the time she is in charge of your DS.

Drinking and flicking through a magazine shock

OutragedFromLeeds Mon 25-Mar-13 20:11:41

I think that's a risk you have to take tbh. At our softplay once they're in the playframe you can't see them from outside. It's huge and packed. The only option would be to go in with them, they don't allow that. The options are; don't go to softplay or take a chance that you've brought them up well enough not to turn into violent hooligans the minute they get a but of freedom. My DC don't hurt other kids anywhere else, I don't know why they would start at softplay. I take the risk.

toffeelolly Mon 25-Mar-13 20:12:46

What do you want her to do , never take her eyes off your child. Grow up wonder how she would feel if she knew she was being watched by your friend's.Would hate to be your nanny . YABU.

Foshizzle Mon 25-Mar-13 20:19:22

Fair enough. I probably would be giving anywhere a swerve that I couldn't see and intervene if needed. Especially since I'm talking about 2 and 3 year olds, not 5, 6 or upwards.

I'm just slightly taken aback that the debate appears to be whether a warehouse full of overexcited toddlers and pre-schoolers mostly moving at speed requires adult supervision or not. Really?!?

Spero Mon 25-Mar-13 20:19:29

O my! Just looked at the fridge thread. I don't think the op is very comfortable with servants.

I'm not a nanny either. Op - you're unhinged, Seriously, you need to lie down in a darkened room for a few months. All those on this thread who won't let their dcs out of their sight for more than 30 seconds in a secure SOFT PLAY location can join you too.

Ditch the friend by the way. She's only encouraging you in your complete and utter oddness.

Try respecting the caregiver you employ, try trusting her and you might just regain some of your sanity. Please don't ever, ever say 'particularly on the money we pay her' again. Your child is, I assume, your most precious possession? Therefore his happiness and safety is beyond price. You should pick a caregiver who shares your values (within reason as some of your values are clearly cocked up) and who will keep him happy and safe. You pay that person a fair wage for fair work done and that's it. You don't own her. You don't get to weigh the value of her work by the £.

Goodness me, you disgust me. But then I was on the two year old thread where you bitched about nanny eating fruit. hmm

Turniphead1 Mon 25-Mar-13 20:22:34

This nanny eats! She reads! she really is taking the absolute piss.

The poor woman is probably hungry enough to order food at a soft play centre. And eat it.

I think people have different degrees of what supervision is required Foshizzle, I haven`t seen anyone on here say they dont keep an eye out at all, but most people agree that you can multitask in a soft play. What do you do if you have more than one pre-schooler going in opposite directions?

Anyway, isnt soft play/playgrounds etc the gentle start to a little independence?

The nanny eats fruit??! shock

Whatever next?

<wrings hands>

RubyGates Mon 25-Mar-13 20:28:05

OP, have you considered one of these:
www.theverge.com/2012/4/6/2930433/university-of-washington-robovie-robot-nanny

They don't need to eat, no reading and you won't need to pay it.
ALthough no doubt there'd soon be a thread about how outraged you are that the damn thing uses your electricity when it needs charging-up.

Foshizzle Mon 25-Mar-13 20:31:13

Sitting reading a mag and not looking up until someone poltely asks you if that child sitting over there crying belongs to you is no level of supervision to me. And I'd bet money that there are a few on this thread who do exactly that.

AngryGnome Mon 25-Mar-13 20:32:05

I think the person who comes out worst in this is the 'friend' who gossiped to you that she had seen your nanny reading magazines. Either she was concerned about your child welfare, in which case why didn't she intervene at the playbarn, or she could tell your child was not at risk, in which case by telling you she is just deliberately shit-stirring.

Without knowing what type of playbarn it was, or how engrossed your nanny was it is impossible for any of us to say whether or not YABU.

Fwiw, ds is 2 and I always send dh go on the play frame with him, and wouldn't feel at all happy about him going in to play with school age children on his own. I constantly see bumps and accidents at soft play - not feral children just excited boisterous kids who will inevitably bump and bang into each other. Not so bad if it is two 10 year olds, not so great if it is a 2 year old and a 10 year old.

ChippingInIsEggceptional Mon 25-Mar-13 20:32:15

Christ on a fucking bike... please tell me this is a joke thread.

Nah. When I'm out with my kids I head 3 miles in the opposite direction lest be I be expected to get off my backside and do something with them. I don't interact. Just keep them in a box till they're 18 for preference.

I don't take them to swimming lessons either.

ChippingInIsEggceptional Mon 25-Mar-13 20:34:15

Oh yes - I remember that other barking thread as well. It's no wonder some parents struggle to hold onto their nannies.

AmandinePoulain Mon 25-Mar-13 20:36:02

She reads? She eats? What else does she do? I'm guessing she buys pasta from m&s for your dcs and doesn't make it herself too? hmm

JamInMyWellies Mon 25-Mar-13 20:36:22

Good Lord OP YABU. As an ex nanny I would be horrified to find my employer complaining that I had looked at a magazine while at a soft play.

I had a message from a friend about this thread and we guffawed and said how we would have been sacked on the spot by the OP. Especially during Wimbledon when our charges were left to shock horror play with each other. grin

Our employers were always very understanding of us working long hours and that if we wanted to sit down for half an hr and watch the TV or read a book that was perfectly acceptable.

Goldmandra Mon 25-Mar-13 20:39:50

And I'd bet money that there are a few on this thread who do exactly that.

No! You have to pay for playbarns. I put them in a dog crate in the garden and take them out 20 mins before parents arrive to warm them up smile

OutragedFromLeeds Mon 25-Mar-13 20:41:04

Foshizzle I don't think anyone has said they don't need supervision, just that the level of supervision required is keeping an ear and eye out from your table. Most people are perfectly able to glance at pictures of wedding dresses inbetween glances at the children. You don't need to be standing by the playframe, nose pressed against the mesh, yelling 'No Tarquin! No running, get down it's high, mind the baby, oh watch a big boy is coming, TARQUUUIINNNN!

I also think there is a massive difference between a 2 year old and a 3 year old. At 3 years old they're probably at pre-school/nursery and used to being trusted to play by themselves.

Our softplay has a seperate bit for under 3's that adults are allowed into. It's only 3+ that adults are banned from. They do have staff in there to prevent any seriously dangerous behaviour and supervise the death slide.

DameFanny Mon 25-Mar-13 20:43:21

If this did actually happen, I wonder if the friend only mentioned it in a 'oh is nanny putapon getting married then' sort of way, not realising the angst and rage she would be unleashing?

And what oblomov said. Happy sigh grin

samuelwhiskers Mon 25-Mar-13 20:51:12

I was going to answer something quite sensible and then I read your comment that we are all evil and nanny/ childminders so now I can't be bothered ......smile

YABVU - with not only your view that your child should be under constant scrutiny but your attitude as well.

Please do send photos when your Nanny has finished your extension though. Would LOVE to see them.

countrykitten Mon 25-Mar-13 20:52:32

Poor nanny. I hope she finds a better employer than the vile sounding OP very soon.

MammaTJ Mon 25-Mar-13 20:54:11

Playbarn=place children can play independantly!!

YABU!!

Foshizzle Mon 25-Mar-13 20:59:15

<shrugs>

I haven't read the OP's other thread so can't speak for her overall approach but for me the bottom line is that if I am paying someone to look after my children then yes - particularly in a public place - I expect their full attention to be on my kids, especially if they are toddlers. And other people's opinion on whether I was being overcautious / neurotic or not wouldn't really influence that.

I go out regularly with a childminder (who used to childmind for me) and a nanny and I could not for a minute imagine them reading a magazine / playing on their phone at soft play. Sitting, having a coffee and chatting, while watching their charges - yes absolutely.

But yeah, Outraged, I'm not really loving the idea of standing next to Tarquin's mum either smile .

I have done enough supervising/climbing after littlies in softplays to last me a life time!
I am delighted that DS4 no longer wishes me by his side tbh grin.

slippysofa Mon 25-Mar-13 21:08:05

OP are you cross because she hasn't told you she's getting married and she might leave so you're going to have to go through the bother of replacing her?

NippyDrips Mon 25-Mar-13 21:21:12

Yabu. Maybe you should pay your nanny more to put up with you.

ClippedPhoenix Mon 25-Mar-13 21:25:27

We have children where I work that are total spoilt brats due to having constant attention and it doesn't serve them well in the end. Do you expect your nanny to constantly interact with your child 8 hours a day? really?

Hulababy Mon 25-Mar-13 21:36:19

YABU

A 3y does not need a helicopter parenting approach in soft play. They are in a pretty safe environment and should be given the opportunity for some freedom and play time with other children and not an adult trailing them at every step.

She was flicking through a magazine. I suspect she was checking where your ds every so often by simply having a quick glance every couple of minutes or so. Just the same as most parents would.

I am not a nanny or childminder btw, nor do I use on.

Your friend was obviously keen to grass her up to you though, wasn't she?!

KenDoddsDadsDog Mon 25-Mar-13 21:37:07

You need Mary Poppins

jellybeans Mon 25-Mar-13 21:37:56

YANBU I would always watch the child too.

OP is your real name Katie Hopkins?wink

shewhowines Mon 25-Mar-13 21:43:38

Most 3 yr olds have a free nursery place for at least a morn/aft every day. How do they survive? confused All those kids indoors and out. Going to the toilet on their own. Minimal supervision with, what 10 to 15 kids per worker? What is the world coming to?

Oh no - even worse what about the kids in day care who are 18 months old or younger? Do they have one to one care, where their carer never takes their eyes off their charges? Their parents are paying for that care. They are all going to need to be sacked. shock

shewhowines Mon 25-Mar-13 21:44:40

And their environments aren't even foam!

GoshAnneGorilla Mon 25-Mar-13 22:10:35

YANBU - to start this thread. I've been needing a distraction, this thread has served that purpose wonderfully.

Turniphead1 Mon 25-Mar-13 23:01:06

Kendodd - Mary Poppins had kids up on top of roofs with non-CRB checked faux-Cockney chimney sweeps. The OP would go nuts with her sloppy approach to child supervision.

Groovee Mon 25-Mar-13 23:10:06

I did once tell a parent about their nanny after the parent questioned why her son kept coming to me while they were in the soft play. Her son had been having a rough time with other children picking on him and the nanny ignoring him, having brought friends with her. So I comforted him and told the others off. Then at a weekend he spied me and kept coming to me. The nanny was not amused the next time she saw me as she'd been banned from seeing her friends during working times unless they were nannies.

If the child is being ignored then fair enough to be cross but if the child is settled and happy, then I wouldn't make an issue of it.

sweetiepie1979 Mon 25-Mar-13 23:10:13

Yes your been unreasonable! Your friends motivation for telling you is more worrying.

ApocalypseThen Mon 25-Mar-13 23:11:27

Is the real problem here that she's being paid for this time when, instead of assiduously going about her employer's business with unwavering grit and determination regardless of whether it's necessary, she's swanning around flicking through bridal magazines on the OP's time?

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Mon 25-Mar-13 23:19:40

Yabu. Look after your own child if it means so much to you.

Lilipaddle Mon 25-Mar-13 23:35:18

YANBU. I was a nanny before DD's birth. I wouldn't have been reading a magazine, I would have been watching him.

She is being trusted, she should be engaging with him, making sure he is safe and actually being a nanny, not just glancing up every so often.
With your own children, do what you like, but with someone elses you should be giving them your all. At a nursery staff wouldn't be flicking through magazines, so why should a nanny.

There is something between standing over your kid and ignoring them completely for 30 minutes. If you are good at multi-tasking you can read and keep an eye/ear out for kerfuffles/tumbles.

Now a 6-18 month old, yeah, you are pretty much trailing them if they are more than about 6 feet away even in a soft play area just for littlies and you have your eyes on them all the time, but three year olds are perfectly capable of being independent for five minutes at a time. Somehow you have to get your child from a 12 month old with constant supervision when awake and active to a reception age child who is capable of going all day without one-on-one supervision. Three is rather closer to the school end than the one-on-one constant end. How exactly is your precious going to manage on the school playground if they don't have some lead up time?

ComposHat Tue 26-Mar-13 04:29:02

YABVU she was reading a magazine not injecting heroin into her eyeballs.

Mind you she is BU for wasting good money on a wedding mag. Surely you could have provided her with a copy of razzle for such occasions?

Goldmandra Tue 26-Mar-13 08:52:49

At a nursery staff wouldn't be flicking through magazines, so why should a nanny.

No they would be keeping an eye on and interacting with half a dozen other children, making arrangements with other staff, setting up and clearing away activities, welcoming and handing over children, making notes of WOW moments, etc, all the while being vigilant for any mishaps, squabbles which need their intervention. Hopefully for some of each day the children will all get a small amount of one to one attention which complements their independent play.

shewhowines Tue 26-Mar-13 08:58:41

At a nursery staff wouldn't be flicking through magazines, so why should a nanny.

And they'd get breaks and lunch to read their magazine

catkind Tue 26-Mar-13 09:56:44

I wouldn't read a book if i was at soft play with my 3 yr old. I think actually home is a safer place for a carer to take a break and read a magazine while child is busy playing with their own toys and she'd hear and see any upset. I wouldn't be helicoptering btw, he probably wouldn't know i was keeping tabs, but I would be. I would suggest if OP's friend was concerned enough to tell her then nanny probably did have nose stuck in magazine ignoring child, not just glancing through. OP, you know your friend and your nanny best to judge what the actual scenario was.

I think those on here that say they would constantly supervise in a play barn need to go and work a full 60 hour week as a Nanny looking after someone else's house and children and then come back and say whether or not you appreciate a rest in an otherwise unrelenting work day.

Maryz Tue 26-Mar-13 10:25:51

Can I be evil too please?

The only reason to go to a play barn is to read a magazine.

supergreenuk Tue 26-Mar-13 10:27:59

It seems a reasonable thing to expect her to do but your the parent. She may not realise this is unacceptable to you so you need to address it calmly with her and she will know in future. I think your reaction is maybe a bit over dramatic so YABU.
I am a mum but I used to he a nanny and some unhelpful parent told tales on me. The child I was looking after wanted to go into pre school by herself. Obviously unacceptable so I would let her go in but I would watch until she was fully through the door. Instead of asking me about it and asking me to not do that she fired me without even going through any process. Not very helpful at all.

VikingLady Tue 26-Mar-13 10:29:09

You know, the only time DD (13m) has been hurt at soft play it has been by being barged out of thhe way by helicopter parents who are sooooo concerned about their own spoilt brats darling children that they don't pay attention to the small child they are trampling behind them.

And I only take her to nice soft play places, and keep an eye on her whilst having coffee and chatting to friends. About the same level of attention as reading a magazine.

Op, I would not say you are an arse, as that is not allowed by MNHQ. But you are voicing opinions that sound arsey - just letting you know! <helpful>

ppeatfruit Tue 26-Mar-13 12:10:51

Yes catkind There is a wide gulf in always obsessively watching and interfering with yr L.O.s whatever they're doing and wherever they are and keeping an eye on them when they are somewhere that COULD be risky (of course it depends on many variables).

IMO it's a bit sad and juvenile that there are some posters on here who are being personally insulting

TheSeventh I was a full time nanny and before that a full time C.M. paid very badly paid BTW and I STILL would keep an eye on my charges in a soft play area . Yes have a coffee and chat but not read a magazine.

ppeatfruit Tue 26-Mar-13 12:12:17

'paid' once of course grin.

MansView Tue 26-Mar-13 14:56:36

RE : * I don't mind her having a coffee *

how fucking gracious of you

haha... smile

KatyTheCleaningLady Tue 26-Mar-13 15:02:13

The first playbarn I ever went to when I was new to the UK and had a two-year-old was in the Forrest of Dean and it wasn't secure. My kid kept escaping and being found in the kitchen or the goat barn (in his stocking feet!) It seemed to defeat the point of the place, so I stopped going.

I've been to some that are easy to keep an eye on whilst reading, and I've been to some where you could hardly find your kid when it was time to go (Socks-n-Slides in Dumbarton was like this) but they had a cafe and seating area and it was totally normal to just sit and let the kids go. They did have a lot of CCTV monitors, although even finding my kids on those were hard. I don't remember there ever being a problem there, though. It was just set up to be a place where kids could play while their carers/parents relaxed.

I wouldn't go to a place where I actually had to watch my kid. If I'm going to do that, I'll take them somewhere like a museum.

If the play area in the OP is a decent one, and there aren't any problems there, then I think the nanny should be able to relax and have a flick through a magazine.

There's a web site in NYC called "Is This Your Nanny?" where people take photos of "bad" nannies they see at parks. Sometimes, they report real issues ("Nanny yanked child's arm and screamed at him.") but often it's "Nanny let child play on slide alone while texting on her phone." That strikes me as mean.

cumfy Tue 26-Mar-13 15:13:06

I think the two of you need to agree clearly what her responsibilities are.

Smuffy Tue 26-Mar-13 16:04:17

good lord OP YAB completely and utterly fucking barkingingly U.

I feel so sorry for nannies and CMs nowadays, the majority of parents expect them to literally take their eye balls out and glue them on to their children. If the soft play area is not safe enough for Precious to actually play in for 10 mins without having someone stand over them then its clearly not safe enough and Precious shouldn't be there in the first bloody place.

FrankSpenser Tue 26-Mar-13 16:19:40

Come back OP. You're sound far too bonkers and entertaining to flounce yet!

BTW your friend sounds a snake in the grass.

Nothing wrong in flicking through the pages of a magazine IMO. YABU.

alemci Tue 26-Mar-13 16:39:42

wouldn't you do the same yourself? I know i would read the paper or magazine whilst at home with my dc etc. I suppose the nanny is in paid employment but as long as she was keeping her eye on your dc so what.

LadySybilPussPolham Tue 26-Mar-13 17:12:10

The person YOU need is Nanny McPhee...

Moknicker Tue 26-Mar-13 17:15:24

YANBU - you are paying her to look after your child not read a magazine.

Im a bit surprised that so many posters think its okay to read a magazine while at work.

Wickedgirl Tue 26-Mar-13 17:30:16

OP, does your nanny get any breaks during the day? Does she work 10 hour days?

ApocalypseThen Tue 26-Mar-13 18:22:06

Im a bit surprised that so many posters think its okay to read a magazine while at work.

Yeah, and it doesn't stop there. Sometimes I browse the internet, sometimes I send a few mails about my wedding, have the chats with colleagues, all sorts. And I think that's a-ok. I get my work done to my employer's satisfaction so win-win, basically.

Im a bit surprised that so many posters think its okay to read a magazine while at work.

Nannys have no lunch breaks. Nannys have no real breaks at all, not with a 3 year old. Nannys are on their feet all day. Nannys work up to 12 hours a day.

Bit different from an office job - office job "rules" don't really apply here.

TBH if you are not capable of flicking through a mag and keeping an eye on a child then you perhaps shouldn't be looking after one - being engrossed in a book is very different to looking at a magazine which is mostly pictures.

Spero Tue 26-Mar-13 18:28:58

Neuro surgeon, air traffic controller etc - would be alarmed if they were reading mags.

Adult at soft play - would be intrigued if they were not. It's a safe environment for children to begin to learn how to explore and play on their own.

ChippingInIsEggceptional Tue 26-Mar-13 18:37:06

So just another pointless wind up thread then. Just as well, at least some real nanny isn't working for a complete twat.

Spero Tue 26-Mar-13 18:41:34

I would have said wind up, but there is the fridge thread from 2011 - same poster, same theme. Quite a dedicated wind up merchant if so.

Lilithmoon Tue 26-Mar-13 18:42:14

OP you say 'particularly on the money we pay her'. I wonder just how much more than the hourly Living Wage you are paying your Nanny...

does the op ever post about anything else? if not clearly a one trick wind up pony

ChippingInIsEggceptional Tue 26-Mar-13 19:35:24

Spero - yep, you are right. An on/off poster with an actual nanny - poor nanny sad

Hobnob - I just had a look and yes she does. She posts on all kinds of things. Some even make her sound nice. I wonder why she didn't come back - she made it look like a wind up thread.

I wrote my undergrad dissertation in soft play, and studied for exams in there too. (Admittedly, they don't have much of a library-like ambience about them in general, but it was better parenting than parking DS in front of the tv. No?). Yes helicopter parents: clutch your pearls. I was concentrating on something else and not continually monitoring my child. Indeed, I would have to seek him out when it was time to go. He had a great time and I got what I needed to do done. Win-win.

If I employed a nanny (and I don't), I would positively encourage him/her to read magazines at soft play. What else is there to do while DS2 runs around? I'd even encourage him/her to go with groups of friends and chat while DS ran around. And I'd suggest cake to go with the coffee too. I think I'd want my nanny to be happy in his/her job and feel that s/he could relax when s/he got a chance. I just couldn't find myself getting worked up at magazine reading at all.

Incidentally, the only person who seems to get injured at soft play is DS1, and usually at the hands of his brother/his brother's little friends. DS1 is 12 and likes to use 'supervising' DS2 (3) as an excuse to go on the play equipment. There would be fewer injuries if DS2 were unsupervised.

I'm pretty sure that my parents let me play outside completely unsupervised at 3. By 5 they let me wander all over the place with my friends, in fields and such like.

How's that for neglectful parenting? Reading a magazine in soft play is positively diligent in comparison.

Spero Tue 26-Mar-13 19:42:51

Maybe its just her way of blowing off steam or stealth boasting? The comment 'particularly on the money we pay her' is especially ripe.

YouTheCat Tue 26-Mar-13 20:02:23

Oh god, I thought this was a thread about some poor beleaguered nanny from the Fail or something. I'd never have thought it was serious.

OP, I suggest you spell it out for this incompetent fool, along with all her paid break times. grin

fedupofnamechanging Tue 26-Mar-13 20:03:02

I watch my child at soft play and truthfully, I would expect my nanny to give my child the same level of attention as me. Some soft play areas are small, only have one escape route exit and are fairly quiet. If she was in one like that, then she can get away with skimming through a magazine. However, others are huge and manic and have more than one exit. In the latter, I would definitely expect my nanny to not be doing anything other than watching my child. these are public places, after all.

Whether or not your friend is a shit stirring bitch hinges on whether your nanny was just glancing at a magazine or was deeply engrossed and taking no notice of your child whatsoever.

hopefloats Tue 26-Mar-13 20:31:42

When I used a childminder, a 'friend' reported to me that she had seen DD parked in her pram outside a toilet cubicle in a shopping centre while childminder had a wee (or whatever). Some people really need to mind their own business.

jellybeans Wed 27-Mar-13 21:30:38

I've got to admit it makes me uneasy when I see people leave their charges outside shops etc! I wouldn't like it if it was my child.

DeepRedBetty Wed 27-Mar-13 21:42:00

I've just read the other thread.

I wonder if OP is that rather odd lady in the next village who's got through seven nannies in the past 18 months?

cory Wed 27-Mar-13 23:08:39

The only serious accidents my dc have ever had have been when I have had my eyes literally fixed upon them. You'd have thought they'd have showed a bit more consideration. hmm

At our local softplay nobody over the age of 4 was allowed in the toddler's area. For safety reasons. Presumably they'd had accidents with kiddies being bowled over by the parents of PFBs.

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