To not want to be asked this everytime I see her (bf related)

(119 Posts)
GirlWiththeLionHeart Mon 25-Mar-13 10:49:42

Everytime I walk into dp's mothers house with my 3 month old ds: 'Are you still breastfeeding?' Cue awkward 'Um, well yes..'

It's just getting boring now as she's done it everytime from the first visit. She also holds him and talks to him, but directing it at me, saying things like, 'when are you going to start aptimil?' hmm

I feel like bf has gone really smoothly for me and ds and all I get is people trying to stop me sad. Even dp yesterday said he looks to big to still be doing it!

My mum and sister also say to give him a bottle before bed and he will be happier. He's very happy thank you!

I don't expect a well done or a pat on the back but this is just pissing me off now. Rant over.

TanteRose Mon 25-Mar-13 10:52:55

tell them that medical advice is to breastfeed exclusively for the first 6 months.

it is so rude to keep on at you angry

especially as its going so well - good for you!

just ignore or say that yes, you will continue as long as you and your baby are happy.

no-one else's happiness is important, really

stick to your guns smile

Tailtwister Mon 25-Mar-13 10:54:09

YANBU, it's really annoying when people do this.

Do you have an idea about how long you plan to breastfeed for? I just used to say that I planned to bf for at least X time based on X, Y & Z (if you want to give a reason at all). I found that worked for people who regularly pestered me about it.

EldritchCleavage Mon 25-Mar-13 10:54:39

Too big at 3 months? Are these people mad? Do it as long as possibly you can. Apart from anything else, continuing to do it is clearly the best way of winding up your interfering MIL.

kinkyfuckery Mon 25-Mar-13 10:56:03

YANBU.

You better toughen up a bit though. You have years ahead of you with people commenting on your parenting choices.

edwardsmum11 Mon 25-Mar-13 10:56:05

Yanbu, I have to admit I once told my mil it was none of her business with a similar question.

KirstyJC Mon 25-Mar-13 10:56:16

Tell them the reason he is so big now is thanks you breastfeeding going so well, so why on earth would you stop?

wanderingcloud Mon 25-Mar-13 10:56:22

YANBU it's something that you can't win either way though, if you did stop bfing, you would simply swap one set of judgements for another as there would be others who question you're going against current guidelines! Try and ignore all outside influences and do what is right for you and your DS!

"Are you still BFing him?"
"Are you still asking about?" said with a big, bright smile, sounding all breezy grin.

You go, girl!
Too old at 3 months - they must be kidding!

GirlWiththeLionHeart Mon 25-Mar-13 10:57:37

Thank you Tante. It just makes me feel awkward and embarrassed when it comes time to feed him (which is quite often!).

Dp isn't keen on me doing it in public when I'm with him so I have to use a blanket to really cover up (I don't do this when I'm on my own)

"Are you still asking about it?" - Dammit, good passive-aggressiveness works so much better if half-coherent... blush

Softlysoftly Mon 25-Mar-13 10:58:57

Too big at 3 months??? God they'd hate my 10 month old then blush.

Just say yes and whop a boob out, fuck them.

TanteRose Mon 25-Mar-13 10:59:50

to be honest, I would stop going round there so much , if I were you...

Dannilion Mon 25-Mar-13 11:00:55

Have you told them about the current guidelines?

DP would be getting an earful if he made me feel uncomfortable BF'ing in public. Boobs are made for feeding babies, there's nothing to be ashamed of other than your DP's and his families attitude.

IME not giving any kind of explanation and not being defensive about your feeding/weaning/sleeping/any other parenting choice works best and will wind you up least.

I also found useful "thank you for your advice/your story on how you did it. This is working for us just now, so we'll be carrying on."

Stuff your MiL, she had her go at childrearing, now it's your turn and your choices. You might have your work cut out with keeping your DH on side though...

GirlWiththeLionHeart Mon 25-Mar-13 11:01:32

Sorry xposts with everyone smile thank you for replies. He's doing really well, 13lbs now! I'm proud of myself anyway.

Kinky - my sister said the same.

I am very confident so will always say, yes I am and he's doing very well and gaining excellent weight. Annoys me that I have to get that question everytime I go round before I've even taken my shoes off! I wish dp would say something to her but he never does

DP, sorry, I should read your posts properly before I post

GirlWiththeLionHeart Mon 25-Mar-13 11:02:39

I like that answer Pacific

Softlysoftly Mon 25-Mar-13 11:03:32

Do not cover up for DP how controlling!

You really do need to learn to block out this rubbish like white noise, next it will be:

"isn't he crawling yet?"

"why is he still in nappies"

"Shouldn't he be in his own room"

"Why is he wasting his time going travelling, haven't you made him go to uni?"

"I hardly think that girls suitable to marry, she used to be a stripper"

Ad infinitum.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Mon 25-Mar-13 11:03:53

What about walking in and saying "YES! I am still breastfeeding him." before she has a chance to say anything. grin

or saying "why are you so interested in how I feed my baby?"

or "No. Nowadays I make him steak and chips."

Or "why do you always ask me that? I want to continue breast feeding and that's not going to change."

Or "Isn't it a sad state of affairs when someone who wants to breast feed and is able to breast feed is bullied by her relatives into swapping to a powder?"

I would be hopping mad by now and going for the jugular!

You have to forget awkwardness. She's being pig ignorant and needs telling.

HumphreyCobbler Mon 25-Mar-13 11:03:54

the only answer to this, and one I have used with great success is

"Yes I am. Isn't it FANTASTIC! I am so proud I have got this far"

all said with a big grin. It shuts up any further discussion.

I was using it past a year though, I can't believe they are hassling you at 3 months!

sue52 Mon 25-Mar-13 11:04:16

Tell your DH to get his Mother to back off. Your boobs, your baby and none of her business really.

EldritchCleavage Mon 25-Mar-13 11:05:40

Is your DP a bit of a tit (fnarr fnarr)?

GirlWiththeLionHeart Mon 25-Mar-13 11:06:42

Hec and Humphrey grin love it! Thank you. I'm well armed for next time and will definitely say something like that

Humphrey's approach is much better, actually - not passive-agressive, effective, does not invite a fight and will shut her up <likes>

SnowHOHOboarder Mon 25-Mar-13 11:07:39

My ILs and even my parents were like this from when DS was about 3 months. I just said "I'm trying to do what's best for him and since DH has asthma and excema I'm trying to help protect DS from similar allergies." DS is still EBF now at 9 months. I don't need to feed him as much now he's fully weaned but I'm not going to stop altogether until he and I feel ready. It's no one else's business how I feed my child as far as I'm concerned!

Chunderella Mon 25-Mar-13 11:07:50

Yanbu. Your baby, your body, your decision, nobody else's business. And your partner is being a bellend too- he should support your feeding choices.

Startail Mon 25-Mar-13 11:07:53

Tell mum to shut up and ask that question again when your baby is at school and not before and then ignore her totally.

I know several DCs who fed to 3-5 years, not months and DD2 way beyond that.

As for feeding in public tell your DP that taking a toddler to eat in public is way more embarrassing than a BFing baby and you can't cover them with a blanket when they are having a massive tantrum and everyone's staring at you!

GirlWiththeLionHeart Mon 25-Mar-13 11:08:12

Maybe a little Eldritch but being brought up by a woman like her, it's not surprising!

janeyjampot Mon 25-Mar-13 11:08:59

My MIL used to say the same, but I think it was partly that she really wanted a role to play and hoped to be able to give DD a bottle. Also that any choice we make that is not the same as the choice they made is seen as a direct attack on their way of life, but that's another matter!

Is there something your DP's mother can do when you take you DS to see her? That might make things easier.

GirlWiththeLionHeart Mon 25-Mar-13 11:11:09

Maybe janey but she does spend time with him and they are bonding nicely otherwise. Not really much you can do with him at the moment though. Hopefully as he gets a bit older it will stop

herethereandeverywhere Mon 25-Mar-13 11:12:23

YANBU. My MIL did this. People generally like to think you're going to make the same choices as them because that reinforces or validates their choices. My MIL ff and (subconsciously I'm sure) wanted me to reinforce her decision (and prove "she knows best".) I did it as long as was right for me. And ignored the sighs when DDs would only be settled by a bit of bf.

You've had some great suggestions for respostes on here!

MadameJosephine Mon 25-Mar-13 11:13:17

YANBU! My family haven't asked this time round, I bf DS until 20 months so they know better. However, I have had comments about 'still' bf and suggestions of baby rice/formula/cooled boiled water from my HV!!

MadameJosephine Mon 25-Mar-13 11:14:13

DD is 19 weeks btw

LadyClariceCannockMonty Mon 25-Mar-13 11:14:48

Some great responses here!

It is maddening when people do that thing of making a comment addressed to someone else but clearly aimed at you. I'd be tackling that by saying 'Can you please talk to me direct if you have something to say about DS? He can't really understand or answer you.'

Your DP needs to get a grip about your BFing too and support you.

IneedAsockamnesty Mon 25-Mar-13 11:15:11

I would also go with the direct " yes I am,move on please" before she says a thing.

Oh and next time your in public with dh,if you don't want to use the blanket then don't. If he says anything apologise then put the blanket over DH's head.

Alligatorpie Mon 25-Mar-13 11:15:40

The WHO recommends bfing for 2 years. You may want to tell them that. You can print out some information and then leave it around for them to read at their leisure.

I love humphrey's response.

It is sad they are hassling you at 3 months. Why would you switch to formula unless you wanted to / or couldn't continue feeding for whatever reason.

Please so not stop until you are ready. Do not let them bully you out what is the best for your baby. You do need to get your dh on board though, i would let him know unless he started supporting me, I would be limiting my visits to his family. Good luck!

HungryClocksGoBackFourSeconds Mon 25-Mar-13 11:18:12

DD is 2yrs and 3mo... wonder what they'd think of us?!

Think Pacific has it right with "are you still asking?" grin

You're doing great, keep it up. flowers

KoalaFace Mon 25-Mar-13 11:18:13

YANBU that is so irritating! You are doing really well and I am tempted to think that you MIL, DM and DS are taking your choice to ebf as criticism against their own choices (which of course is due to their self esteem nothing to do with you).

How about next time MIL asks you say "Would you like me to just let you know when I stop bfing? It'll save you asking me every time then!"

Or "Are you worried about DS? Would you like me to get you some literature on the guidelines for up to 6 months and then you'll understand what's going on? I know understanding of child development has come on a lot since yours were little."

lightfairy Mon 25-Mar-13 11:18:42

I got fed up of people suggesting formula and food to make my boy sleep at night.
I got the opportunity to try it because of medication issues and it didn't work.
I refused to see that particular HV after that.
Tell your DH that BF is free and you're doing it for the food of the family finances. A saving money argument always works on my DH.

GirlWiththeLionHeart Mon 25-Mar-13 11:19:59

If he says anything apologise then put the blanket over DH's head.

grin

He was a twat that day, we were both new to it all and in a shopping centre. He said could you please cover up I saw that security guard having a look hmm

One sure way to stop men looking at tits is to breastfeed!

HungryClocksGoBackFourSeconds Mon 25-Mar-13 11:20:14

(Meant to say DD is still bf at 2yrs and 3mo)

TBH by the time DD was 3 months old I'd stopped being polite when asked about feeding her.

My DH suggested I might cover up when feeding in public, I suggested if he found it such a problem he eat with a blanket over his head.

Next time you are asked tell them you intend to let you baby self wean when they are a toddler. Now that gets a response grin

GirlWiththeLionHeart Mon 25-Mar-13 11:22:33

Also my sister has said a couple of times, 'you can stop bf you know if you're finding it hard, you don't have to be perfect' wtf? I'm far from perfect! Basically if I'm having a hard week of ds not sleeping her and my dm will straight away jump on about stopping when it's nothing to do with bf!

GirlWiththeLionHeart Mon 25-Mar-13 11:23:50

I really love bf and didnt think I would. I do want to continue for as long as ds wants (never thought I would!) but I feel like ill be explaining myself forever!

Kveta Mon 25-Mar-13 11:24:07

I had this for 3 years with DS - basically, from the minute my grandmother met him. then sister and mum would occasionally chime in.

They have yet to ask when I will stop feeding 9 month old DD grin

"If he says anything apologise then put the blanket over DH's head."

grin

Genius!!

Don't explain. Don't justify. Just keep doing it smile.

And yy to validating own choices: there are a lot of people who feel critisised if they see somebody doing somethind different from how they did it.
Ignore.

The flipside is the situation my mother found herself in when I BF: she is still upset about having been actively discouraged from BFing by HCP when she had me and then my brother. 'You have no milk' said within hours of delivery... hmmangry. She was v supportive of me BFing, but I think found it quite hard and certainly emotional at times.
I am 47, she is 72; I am perfectly well healthwise, I have certainly never wasted a single thought on how I was fed as a baby, and still she feels bad sad.

You just keep doing what you enjoy, your DS thrives on AND you have the frigging evidence to show it is a benefit. Don't make it a battle.
Maybe your DP will be more positive about it in time. You could show him this thread wink?? I think some men find it hard to make the jump from boobs = lovely, jiggly love toys to boobs = ment for feeding younglings.

LadyApricot Mon 25-Mar-13 11:31:51

Please stand up to her now or it just gets worse.. I speak from experience!
Get your dp to have a word too ;)

WafflyVersatile Mon 25-Mar-13 11:35:05

Find a book which promotes BF until the children are 3 and 4 years old and rave about it next time you're there. Offer to lend her it. Mention how inspired you were by the stories and the beautiful photos of mums breastfeeding their school age children.

Once the paramedics have checked her out and given her the all clear tell her that you actually intend to BF until your DC is at least x months or years or whatever your choice is.

Or just tell her you intend to BF until x age in line with current best practice, so there's no point in asking again.

GirlWiththeLionHeart Mon 25-Mar-13 11:41:05

I think I will just tell her I will be breastfeeding him until he wants to stop. However I was so thrown by it the first time that I said I would be for 6 months, which is only 3 months away sad definitely not stopping then!

DontmindifIdo Mon 25-Mar-13 11:43:50

I'd go with "why on earth would I want to faff about with steralising and washing bottles and carting them about, plus wasting money on powdered milk when I've got it free and clean whenever DC needs it from my boobs? Of course formula will do for mums who can't breast feed, but if you can, I don't understand why anyone would stop - lord, life with a baby is hard enough without adding extra cleaning and expense in!" delivered with a killer smile.

Any other comments after that, "oh no, I much prefer making life as easy as possible for us, formula feeding seems like hard work."

I read somewhere that the definition of extended breastfeeding is any number of days/weeks/months/years longer than your MIL breastfed for!! grin

I fed my DD till she stopped herself at 18 months. My DS is 11 months and MIL has been desperate for him to "reject me" since about 4 months. She comes in the room when I'm feeding and is as loud as she can be or rattles toys to get DS's attention then when he turns round to look she gets all excited and says "oh look he's rejecting you already, won't be breastfeeding much longer!"

Ignore anyone who isn't supportive.

GirlWiththeLionHeart Mon 25-Mar-13 11:47:02

Pacific sad how sad for your dm. Awful. I'm sure she was very happy you got to bf.

Waffly that made me grin not to sound rude but she's not very 'with it' so any bf literature would go straight over her head. I think a direct approach would work best for her.

I think the suggestion that people want their own choices validated is spot on.

She had DP very young, 16, and basically turned up on the fathers doorstep with DP at a week old and said 'this is for you' sad she then wanted him back after a month or so but has always been abusive, physically and emotionally to him. It angers me that someone who did that to her child can question me and tells me how to raise him (not just about bf).

GirlWiththeLionHeart Mon 25-Mar-13 11:48:00

Remind shock

Thumbwitch Mon 25-Mar-13 11:48:35

Girlwith, you should tell them that! Just say something like "Yes I am, it's great, we're both doing so well with it that I doubt we'll stop for at least a year!" That'll give you some time - and then you can have another reason.

My DH started twittering at me around the 6m mark with DS1 about when I would be stopping - the first time I told him I'd be doing it for at least a year. So when the year was up, he started again - I said I didn't see any need to stop just yet. Then when DS1 was 18mo, we packed the house up and sent everything to Australia in preparation for our emigration - I told DH we weren't stopping in the awkward transition phase. That kept him quiet until we moved into our house in Aus, when DS1 was about 21mo. When he was 23mo, it suddenly started to feel a little awkward, and we stopped over 3 nights - we had just run our course by then.

I plan to do EXACTLY the same with DS2 (if my nipples/ boobs can stand it - I'm having a few issues with him though!) smile

I don't think you can know in advance how long you want to breastfeed for. Surely it's as long as you are both happy breastfeeding? Whenever that may be.

GirlWiththeLionHeart Mon 25-Mar-13 11:51:41

It's crap you had to do that though Thumbwitch explain why and how long you will be feeding your child <sigh> I can see myself losing my rag very quickly if DP asks me.

Sallyingforth Mon 25-Mar-13 11:51:55

In that situation my answer would be "Yes, we do it much better now that in your day"

fancyanother Mon 25-Mar-13 11:51:57

My mother was like this when I was BF. Once I heard her talking to him(a 3 month old) loudly enough for me to hear and said 'Tell mummy to give you some proper food'!!! I told her to go home!

GirlWiththeLionHeart Mon 25-Mar-13 11:52:22

Exactly Remind so I think I will use the 'however long ds wants to' approach

minouminou Mon 25-Mar-13 11:54:44

Ok....I bf-d both kids until they were 2.5 (DS) and almost 3 (DD).
Feeding a just-turned two DD at a local school event, when a friend asked, outraged: Are you STILL brrrrrreastfeeding her? Hiw old us she now?

Me: Old enough to make her own mind up, so butt out.

Also, DS has long hair, always has (well, after a while, anyway....).

Friend of friend, for the dozenth time: When are you going to get his hair cut, you meanie.

Me: Shall we set up an email alert?

Silence.

Thumbwitch Mon 25-Mar-13 11:55:16

Oh DH wasn't too bad - he didn't bang on about it too often, just had the occasional whinge about not wanting DS1 to be still doing it when he was past 2 - but if DS1 had wanted to continue and we'd still felt comfortable, we would have gone past 2 as well!

In fairness to him, he accepted my reasoning every time - he occasionally "forgot" and had to be reminded - but he never made a big issue about it. Just as well!

He tried to make an issue about potty training when Ds1 was 2 as well - I told him if he was that keen to get DS1 potty-trained then he was welcome to do it himself. That soon shut him up as well! grin

EauRouge Mon 25-Mar-13 11:57:25

That's so sad that you're being pressured to stop already sad And when you are both enjoying it so much too! It took me a long while to build up my confidence, I surrounded myself with supportive people and now anyone that dares to criticise my parenting is soundly told to fuck off.

Is there a breastfeeding group near you that you can go to? They are ace for building confidence.

GirlWiththeLionHeart Mon 25-Mar-13 11:57:46

That sounds like my DP, doesn't bang on about it at all but I can see him bringing it up at 6 months.

EldritchCleavage Mon 25-Mar-13 12:03:21

God, it's so bloody sad people have to be so snarky to new mothers. Thanks to you (and her DP) your MIL has a lovely little grandchild. Why can't she just relax and enjoy the fact you're doing all the hard work and she gets to snuggle and play? Sad and weird.

Thumbwitch Mon 25-Mar-13 12:07:46
Yfronts Mon 25-Mar-13 12:15:06

The recommendation is 6 months but the world health organisation say 2 years.

Can you just say 'feeding isn't up for discussion' or blatantly ignore them?

I BF all mine till they were 18 months.

Yfronts Mon 25-Mar-13 12:18:03

''Why would I ant to formula feed when breast is best? Everyone knows that''

Pendipidy Mon 25-Mar-13 12:20:11

Ask her, what do you think breasts are for?, that Will shut her up!

EauRouge Mon 25-Mar-13 13:04:26

The 6 months thing is exclusive breastfeeding, ie nothing but breastmilk. No one recommends breastfeeding for only 6 months, the NHS recommends to carry on alongside solid food, I think the exact wording is 'as long as desired'- the WHO recommends until the age of 2 and beyond. It could be explained a lot better by the NHS.

Nanny0gg Mon 25-Mar-13 13:59:48

When I had my DC many years ago I was the first person in my family to bf. I had no intention of shutting myself off in another room or sitting under a blanket.
Apart from always averting his eyes, my very old-fashioned DF got used to it and the rest of the family coped.
So tell your silly DH to mind his own business and do it how you want, where you want for as long as you want!

MajaBiene Mon 25-Mar-13 14:05:16

I would behave as if it's a compliment:
"Are you still breastfeeding him?"
"Oh, yes, thanks! His health and happiness is so important to me, I'm so proud to be giving him the best possible start - lovely of you to mention it!"

Why do you keep visiting his mum so much?

Find other ways to spend your time so she wont have the pleasure of putting you down so much!

RenterNomad Mon 25-Mar-13 14:46:57

There are some really crazy and mean people around, aren't there?

If the fathers and rellies want a "go" or some "bonding time with the baby, why don't they try changing nappies? I've always found the changing table a brilliant time and place for interaction and bonding. We work in a bit of singing, some blowing of raspberries, and the baby's seeing me as someone who alleviates discomfort. 'Course, it's smellier and less photogenic, so less "rewarding" for the adult, but bonding isn't one-sided... hmm

GirlWiththeLionHeart Mon 25-Mar-13 15:00:07

Erm me and dp visit her every fortnight or so, Pure. I spend my time well thank you!

MajaBiene Mon 25-Mar-13 15:07:20

Every fortnight does sound quite often for someone you don't like, is rude to you and was/is abusive to your DP.

So the incident you complain about takes place just twice a month, and you are so riled about it you need to post? hmm

I hear knitting is a good hobby! smile

GirlWiththeLionHeart Mon 25-Mar-13 15:34:35

It's obvious DP has a guilt induced relationship with her. He feels the need to go and see her even though they aren't close and because of his childhood. But it is his mother so he does what he thinks is right, and of course I go because baby is bf so where he goes, I go.

GirlWiththeLionHeart Mon 25-Mar-13 15:35:13

Pure I remember you as being quite a nice, helpful poster. What happened?

LadyClariceCannockMonty Mon 25-Mar-13 15:46:46

Pure, 'just twice a month' is a fair amount for unhelpful, intrusive, judgemental and passive-aggressive incidents.

HungryClocksGoBackFourSeconds Mon 25-Mar-13 15:54:34

I'd be complaining if it happened once!!

I dont know, Girl. sad

Sorry.

Catchingmockingbirds Mon 25-Mar-13 16:01:40

I wouldn't be able to stop myself from asking her why she keeps asking that. Too old to bf at 3 months, fgs what's next? Too old for nappies at 6 months?

midori1999 Mon 25-Mar-13 16:18:16

I made a point of telling anyone who would listen I planned to BF until DD self weaned, whatever age that was, even if it was 5, 6 or 7 when they first started asking me how long I was going to BF for. I also quoted the WHO guideline of at least 2 years and then beyond. DD is 21 months now, I'm pregnant again and although I suspect a few people think I've stopped BF due to the pregnancy, no one asks now.

As for your DH... Can you have a good chat with him about the actual benefits of continued breastfeeding up to and past 2 years old? My DH was a bit hmm about me BF past a year old at first, but he sees how much DD loves it and knows what good it does her and he's unfazed by it now, totally. He also used to scan the room like an MI5 agent every time I fed in public, but he knew asking me to cover up would probably just lead to me being less discreet, so he never said anything. As I've got more relaxed with it, so has he, although I suspect he still cringes at times like me feeding walking round the supermarket, but he hides it well.

GirlWiththeLionHeart Mon 25-Mar-13 16:53:31

Hope you're ok sad thanks

midori I laughed at MI5 agent smile

CSIJanner Mon 25-Mar-13 16:59:08

Tell her WHO recommend the first 2 years but that you're aiming to beat the woman on Time magazine. Her son was 5.5years.....

grin

IneedAsockamnesty Mon 25-Mar-13 17:13:32

My youngest baby's(12 months) dad recently got all weird about bf apparently I should be respectful of his discomfort and stop.

My response "feel free to fuck off and not come back" worked quite well.

wongadotmom Mon 25-Mar-13 17:24:32

My MIL was horrified when I put my then 3.5 yo DS on the breast at bedtime. She said oh my god are you STILL breastfeeding him? I didn't know what to say. Yes seemed to be the most obvious answer! grin

Wibblypiglikesbananas Mon 25-Mar-13 18:56:54

If you need any additional support, why not try La Leche League? Even better, take her along to a meeting with you!

I don't think you can win with people like this. My MIL was an NCT breastfeeding counsellor in her day, very pro breastfeeding, but when DD got to a year, even she started asking when I was going to stop! This was after months and months of her going on about the benefits of breastfeeding beforehand - even though I was planning to anyway and she knew it. At one point, I was very tempted to buy some bottles and formula and leave them out when she came round, just to see her reaction. Think that was my hormones as I'm not normally like that!

Good luck and do what's right for you and your baby!

carabos Mon 25-Mar-13 19:00:28

In laws you can swat away pretty easily, but I'm afraid I don't believe that fathers have equal say in how babies are fed, that's mum's call as far as I'm concerned. Any bloke who tries to suggest that his child's mother should cover up, not bf in public or not bf at all can sling his hook angry.

Pigsmummy Mon 25-Mar-13 19:04:23

I think that it is a generation thing, is she over 60? My MIL seemed to discourage BF, no idea why but I have since learnt that Ireland has a very low rate (she is Irish) and also this generation were the first to really FF, my Mum said that on the maternity ward in 1975 you were encouraged to FF and if you insisted in BF then you were considered "a bit hard work" by the nurses. Just smile and say that the you and baby are happy so will continue to take the advice of the times (even say "it's different now"). Your baby, your breasts = your choice

If they comment on how the big baby needs formula or food....just reply 'I know, I can't believe how big he is! Breast milk is truly amazing stuff!!'

I am loving all the comebacks on here. Especially putting a blanket on anyone's head who doesn't want to see you BF.

iloveholidays Mon 25-Mar-13 19:14:43

I had this with my MIL although to be fair it was post 6 months (i fed DD1 to 17 months and DD2 to 14 months so it got quite annoying!!!)

I now have DD3 who is coming up 5 months, she came up with a new line yesterday "she's got so big, is it still all your own work?" Kind of wish she'd just asked the normal "are you still feeding". You'd think she'd had learnt by now that its likely to continue a while longer!!!

I feel your pain!!!

Idocrazythings Mon 25-Mar-13 19:34:52

You are so doing the best thing for your baby. Big well done here and a [virtual] pat on the back.

Ps lucky she doesn't know me… DS three in a few weeks… still has his nightly BF.

CatsRule Mon 25-Mar-13 19:50:09

Good on you op...ignore everyone and their comments and do what's right for you and your baby. Only you as the mother will know when the right time to stop is.

Fwiw I'm still bf my ds who will be 13 months next week much to my mil and sil's disgust...they never wanted me to bf for their own selfish reasons

BimbaBirba Mon 25-Mar-13 20:14:34

I'm still breastfeeding my 13 month old and recently MIL was shock when she came to stay and saw he's still breastfeeding. She kept saying "you know it's going to be hard to make him stop, don't you?"
I didn't have the courage to break it to her that I have no intention of making him stop and he can carry on as long as he likes.
I hate that people have to be so judgemental about breastfeeding.

oldraver Mon 25-Mar-13 20:20:55

I've not had a lot of adverse comments when B/F, though have had all the "are you STILL feeding like that"

I have always found a " crikey yes, I'm far too lazy to bottlefeed" really throws people

disclaimer...I dont care how people feed their babys

PukeCatcher Mon 25-Mar-13 20:43:51

World average age is 4 I believe, that stopped my dad from asking.

LittlePicnic Mon 25-Mar-13 20:56:58

You are doing brilliantly. I had Midwife telling me to think about stopping breastfeeding DC1 when pregnant with DC2, when DC1 was 14 months. I just ignored her. Only helpful professional was a consultant (referred for other reasons), said I had to ensure I consumed enough calcium for all three of us when I was six months pregnant, to avoid osteoporosis.
Self-weaning is what I will do unless he continues after starting primary school...wink

BertieBotts Mon 25-Mar-13 20:59:02

Tell her you plan to do it until he's 14 and I'm sure she'll give you the cat's bum face and shut up smile

Squiglettsmummy2bx Mon 25-Mar-13 21:56:45

My DS will be 14 months next week & we are still bf & co-sleeping & I keep getting told he will never stop if I carry on now. I just smile & say oh well I hope his girlfriends won't mind wink

candyandyoga Mon 25-Mar-13 22:20:55

Silly woman. Tell her you are giving him the best milk he could have and there's no chance of any formula as long as you are happy and baby is happy.

Am still perplexed as to why you both see her every couple of weeks though. She sounds toxic.

I bet you post about her again!

It is so lovely to read about all of you who have BF successfully and for as long as you wanted to smile.

Otoh it is a quite sad how many of us came up with/had to come up with comebacks to uninvited and unsupportive comments, isn't it sadangry.

I don't care how anybody feed their child. I didn't particularly like BFing and I did not do it particularly long, but I jolly well did it as long as it worked for us both. Even though I stopped around the 1 year mark (by choice, I'd had enough grin), it still go the comments and my replies got increasingly sarky I hate to admit.
If I'd had a 5th child, I may have lamped somebody one grin - just as well I stopped having more.

This thread has cheered me no end x.

oldraver Tue 26-Mar-13 00:00:40

Pacific It is quite sad... I realised while reading this thread that it had slightly spoilt, put a dampner on what should just of been a natural thing as my Mum always used to say "you're going to have to give that up soon" for FOUR flipping years

MidnightMasquerader Tue 26-Mar-13 00:58:40

The 6-month thing really seems to confuse people...

The advice isn't to breastfeed for just six months and then move onto something else, i.e. formula. It's related to weaning and moving onto solids.

The advice states that babies should be exclusively breastfed for the first 6 months of their life, and then started on solids.

But so many people misinterpret it, and use it as a means to pressure women into stopping breastfeeding.

Breastfeeding itself, is recommended for the first two years of a child's life. The 6-month thing is purely in relation to moving onto solid food.

GirlWiththeLionHeart Tue 26-Mar-13 09:05:07

I've only just realised this recently midnight very true! Also you can make porridge with your bm when weaning too, so it's still very much needed. I think I will just tell people to butt out from now on. My ds loves it and so do I

Katienana Tue 26-Mar-13 09:49:13

Is there anything mil does that you could comment on.."when are you going to brush your teeth granny you stink/ clean house/ lose weight..." That would soon shut her up.
At least you know you are doing the right thing I would hate to think of negative comments like this actually stopping someone from bfing.

pigletmania Tue 26-Mar-13 11:17:37

Ignore ignore ignore like others have said tell them that we plan to breastfeed as long as you are able and that it is working very well so will continue

Yes definitely follow Humphrey suggestion, and ignore your dh, just go right ahead and feed your baby and ignore him

GirlWiththeLionHeart Tue 26-Mar-13 11:32:22

I remember we went to Starbucks once and he went looking for a breastfeeding room? While he was hunting around the bog, I just put ds on the boob smile idiot.

Thumbwitch Tue 26-Mar-13 11:34:33

GirlWith - one thing about using BM for porridge etc.; it doesn't keep long because the enzymes in the BM change the consistency! It's all right when just made up but I remember being out with someone who had made some porridge up with BM that morning and brought it with her - it had all gone completely runny.

GirlWiththeLionHeart Tue 26-Mar-13 11:39:11

Thanks Thumb I read its ok to use cows milk for cooking at 6 months, is that right? If so it sounds easier than expressing (which I hate doing)

spiritedaway Tue 26-Mar-13 11:40:06

I fed my little boy till he was 2 and he would shout out in the street a cheerful "hello boobies" and give a little wave if any fine ones caught his eye. . Well done OP, do what makes you and your little one happy Haven't read all posts but guess you have been advised to seek out some like minded groups where you can hang out (so to speak) and get some moral support

Thumbwitch Tue 26-Mar-13 11:58:52

Have a read of this re. use of cow's milk - should be ok for occasional use but not as a main drink.

GirlWiththeLionHeart Tue 26-Mar-13 12:08:54

Interesting, thank you. Maybe using formula then. I guess he won't be having foods made with milk a lot until older. Was just going to start with vegetables, fruit, pasta, cheese etc

GirlWiththeLionHeart Tue 26-Mar-13 12:09:21

spirited love your ds waving at boobies! smile

Thumbwitch Tue 26-Mar-13 12:15:06

I used rice milk with DS1 but that is now a definite No-no, thanks to the arsenic content sad
Oat milk is another option if you don't want to go the formula route; I do wonder sometimes how much of this information is real and how much of it is skewed by commercial interests... even when it comes from medical sources. A huge amount of information that comes doctors' way is from commercial sources - pharmaceutical companies, primarily - and it's not all strictly accurate!

butterandbread157 Tue 26-Mar-13 13:31:00

I feel your pain!!
I hated it when family did this to me also. Especially my own DM, who kept saying things like 'why are you not giving up, she'll sleep better on formula, maybe she's not getting enough...etc etc"

Like Softlysoftly says it's never ends! I'm now used to it and just smile and nod and mostly ignore!!!!

All good advice above and love some of the comments to say to mil smile , I continued till 8mo ( had to get operation or would've carried on)

DontmindifIdo Tue 26-Mar-13 13:42:59

cows milk is fine for cooking with - it's not bad for them when weaning, just not as their main drink IYSWIM - formula is mainly made from cows milk and having stuff added to it - if you are using breast milk still as the 3-4 'big' feeds a day, then cows milk in porridge is fine.

Mind you, I give you about a fortnight before your MIL stops going on about BFing and moves on to nagging you to give your DS solids... wink

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