MIL gave Dd a big present I hate, what to do?

(135 Posts)
Mashedupbanana Sat 23-Mar-13 18:30:55

Today MIL turned up with a present for our 2 yo Dd. it's a bright pink slide (dd's not seen it yet). I know I will sound really ungrateful but it really is not something that I would want to look at in the garden. My tastes are very different from MIL, I prefer more natural, creative, gender neutral, well constructed toys whereas MIL is quite the opposite - if it's plastic, flashes and pink she loves it. I think dd would probably enjoy going on the slide and that's the most important thing, but it's really not my kind of thing.

Realistically I dont want a plastic slide in the garden, but I have come to the conclusion that i'm just going to have to suck it up and have it. I don't like pink things like this as I think they look tacky and if we have a son next it is too gender specific. It doesn't matter with little things I can pack in a box but with a slide it's very visible. If i have to keep the slide, would I be unreasonable to ask if I can swap for it for the more neutral red one. At Christmas they wanted to buy her a pink trike and we gently suggested something else as we'd prefer to buy a balance bike, but I can see this coming up every time. What would you do?

Euphemia Sat 23-Mar-13 18:33:34

Suck it up. In a year it'll be too small and/or broken, not to mention beaten to hell by the weather. Then you can get rid of it.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Sat 23-Mar-13 18:34:00

I'd say thank you for the slide.

I'd, after a decent interval, talk about how you don't want to go down the everything pink route as you disagree with gender stereotyping etc.

You will get your garden back in 10 years or so. In the meantime, accept that it is your children's playground grin

stargirl1701 Sat 23-Mar-13 18:34:24

Keep it at your MILs for when you visit.

StuffezLaBouche Sat 23-Mar-13 18:35:07

You keep mentioning how much you dislike toys that are gender specific, but surely if you have a son next he can play on the slide too? If you're worried about the pinkness being unsuitable for a possible son, surely you're the one pushing gender stereotypes...?
Having sad that, I wouldn't want a hunk of garish plastic shit on my garden either.

doctorhamster Sat 23-Mar-13 18:35:34

I'd count my blessings. I have a 10ft trampoline in my garden courtesy of dm!!

Your garden will be a playground for the foreseeable. The sooner you embrace this, the less stressed you will be smile

I don't think a boy would mind playing on a pink slide, but I have to say I prefer not to have too much pink stuff too, I always ask for the yellow/blue/red/green versions if I can.

On balance I think I would accept it and get DH to have a word about future pink purchases.

Omnishambolic Sat 23-Mar-13 18:35:46

I would say thank you, and stick it in the garden (where, incidentally, any hypothetical future boy will not be remotely bothered that it's pink. And anyway, boys playing with pink things is good if you're not into gender-specific stuff, right? Pink is just a colour. He won't catch sissy.)

YOU may prefer natural, creative, etc etc - but it's a slide. Unclench. smile

StayAwayFromTheEdge Sat 23-Mar-13 18:36:25

It's a slide this time or a bit of plastic tat next time - It really isn't worth worrying about. Your DD getting some enjoyment out of it is what matters - I really don't understand the need for gender neutral toys.

(And I say this as the Mum of three boys, one who loves pink and his dolls and another who does ballet).

VerySmallSqueak Sat 23-Mar-13 18:36:30

This is such a difficult one to deal with!

I think I'd agree with ImTooHecsy.

LIZS Sat 23-Mar-13 18:36:39

It's a slide, a temporary play feature which you can screen off if it offends and will probably fade . dc tend not fuss about gender specific colours unless you make a fuss !

doctorhamster Sat 23-Mar-13 18:36:52

Is it one of those little toddler slides? She will have outgrown it in 18 months max.

ajandjjmum Sat 23-Mar-13 18:37:28

I think whilst you've got small children your natural and creative preferences might have to take a back seat. I've yet to see a really tasteful garden with toys in it - at least, mine never was! grin

sleeplessbunny Sat 23-Mar-13 18:38:48

She gave the slide to your DD, not you, as you say yourself in the title! Your taste is therefore irrelevant.
Suck it up.
(well i have to, so you should too) wink

fluckered Sat 23-Mar-13 18:39:36

it was a nice present and its for your DD not you. i dont have a daughter. i do have a son and remember there was a foam chair he loved at his cousins ... i couldnt get it in blue so i bought it in pink. no big deal. as she gets older be prepared for more pink and girly stuff. i think you should suck it up (in a nice way). surely seeing your DD's smiles and face playing with the slide is the main thing.

WireCatWhore Sat 23-Mar-13 18:39:42

It's a bloody slide.
Don't be so ungrateful.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Sat 23-Mar-13 18:40:17

I had one of these in my garden for a few years

and a big slide.

Then came the swing set

and the massive bloody trampoline

Your garden is not your own for years!

Forget about tasteful.

that ship sailed the moment you had a child grin

Fairylea Sat 23-Mar-13 18:41:10

Let dd enjoy it. Honestly it's not worth getting upset about.

I say that as the mother of a 10 year old dd who despite every influence I have had has now grown up into quite the opposite of everything I imagined.... loves everything pink, hates all vegetables, loves rap music blah blah.

Just let dd enjoy herself on it. It's a slide, you can get rid of it when the latest new thing is about.

everlong Sat 23-Mar-13 18:41:57

Keep it and say nothing.

Your relationship with mil is more important than your dislike of pink and plastic stuff I reckon.

wigglesrock Sat 23-Mar-13 18:42:21

For what its worth I have a big pink slide in my back garden. It's probably been the best outside toy my children have. They would play on it all day given the chance - glares at the very deep snow currently covering it. I am also at a loss as to why a future son couldn't play on it.

LandofTute Sat 23-Mar-13 18:43:29

You could just say "aww it's lovely. Can we swap it for red in case we ever have a boy?"

BlueberryHill Sat 23-Mar-13 18:43:45

I avoided pink clothes with my DD, also 2 yo, she also has a whole range of 'boy' toys to play with courtesy of an older brother. She now has days when she wants a 'pink' dress, pink is a girls colour and wants to be a princess. Quite frightening how much they pick up from around them. However she also has 'pirate' days so it evens out.

Short story, you cannot control what they are exposed to, just try to balance it out and not buy pink yourself. My ILs and parents don't buy a lot of pink though so I'm spared that.

You will also hate that they prefer plastic crap toys to lovely wooden toys. I did.

LastTangoInDevonshire Sat 23-Mar-13 18:43:55

Just so you neighbours bought their grandaughter a small red plastic slide for the garden. It is fading rapidly in the sun and is............turning pink !!

TomArchersSausage Sat 23-Mar-13 18:44:14

'I don't like pink things' Lol I bet your dd does thoughgrin

everlong Sat 23-Mar-13 18:44:55

Actually what landoftate said is perfect.
Try that.

MisForMumNotMaid Sat 23-Mar-13 18:45:17

So long as your mother doesn't get into competition with your MIL and buy an even bigger pink slide.

My mum bought my barely toddling DS a big yellow tractor (he was 2 and 5 before he could go on it). She knew that MIL had brought him a big red tractor (he was 4 before he could ride that on his own). I wanted beautiful organic landscaped in toys.

We now have a garden corner thats dedicated to plastic tat 'the tat shrine' lets say, then the rest of it is lovely to look at. The tat area is tucked round a corner so its not the first thing i see when i look out in the garden. I collect up the tat at the end of the day and tuck it away. The DC like the tat, the grandparents like the tat.

wrongsideoftheroad Sat 23-Mar-13 18:45:26

We have a giant pink slide in our garden, courtesy of PIL.

Would I have bought it myself?


Do I appreciate it as a thoughtful gift that they knew our DDs would love, spent time choosing, ordering and then constructing?

Yes I do, very much so.

5eggstremelychocaletymadeggs Sat 23-Mar-13 18:46:06

Its a slide, she will love it and so will any boys you go on to have.

It will fade in the sun anyway if we ever get any bloody sun

Hulababy Sat 23-Mar-13 18:46:49

Why can a future son not use the pink slide?

EggsMichelle Sat 23-Mar-13 18:48:11

By the time you have a son who's old enough to use it the sun will have bleached the pink out of it!

Fairylea Sat 23-Mar-13 18:48:33

Why on earth does it matter if the slide is pink anyway??

The odd pink thing or everything pink is fine if that's what your dd likes. If that's what your ds likes it would be fine too. It's just a colour. It doesn't mean your dd is going to grow up chained to the kitchen sink and wearing marigolds for her whole life.... !

I think all the hatred over pink is nonsense.

Dd had a pink Disney princess bedroom aged 4 because that's what she wanted. I cringed but fair enough. At 10 now she has a bedroom that is painted army camouflage .... ! They do change.

Hulababy Sat 23-Mar-13 18:48:36

Sadly in most cases toddlers and children love the plastic flashing stuff more than the hand crafted organic wooden stuff. It's generally the mums who like the latter.

I think you should buy MIL a massive tacky bird bath, (or a massive tasteful bird bath if she is into tacky). And mention that you'd wondered if it was a bit thoughtless to buy someone a large present for their garden without checking first, but then you remembered the pink slide so you knew MIL wouldn't mind. And how you're looking forward to seeing it in MIL's garden every time you visit.

wrongsideoftheroad Sat 23-Mar-13 18:50:02

And while I'm polishing my halo can I just point out that it's not just your garden - it's your DD's garden too.

You have to share now ;)

DoeEyedBeauties Sat 23-Mar-13 18:50:21

I used to think the same for the first two years of my daughter's life. I kept things absolutely gender neutral (not a speck of pink in the house!). Then she gradually was able to pick her own tastes in toys (from shops or play groups or t.v adverts) And no big surprises here, she tended towards girly pink things and is now one of the most girly girls I know.

No matter what you bring into the house, they will gravitate towards what they like, not what you like. You will not create a pink-freak if you allow the slide into your garden.

And young boys don't care about the colour either. My son plays with Barbies and pony's and beads and lip gloss with his sister. He's only 2 so it's not an issue.

Your house will not be your own for a number of years to come. Not a room will be left without sticky fingerprints, crushed cheerios, gaudy plastic toys, or 'artwork' on the walls. Tacky toys like pink slides are part and parcel of it all, unfortunately.

EeyoresGloomyPlace Sat 23-Mar-13 18:50:37

Say thank you and get over it. Its a slide, it performs the same function regardless of colour. Your dd (and any future DCs of either gender) will enjoy playing on it and wont care two hoots if its black, pink, blue or orange.

It sounds like you are trying too hard to be 'gender neutral', if your dd enjoys the toys and they are age appropriate then it would be unfair and ungrateful to stop her.

RevoltingPeasant Sat 23-Mar-13 18:51:15

Ha! My friend's DS will not play with anything that is not pink. She wanted a DD but said, 'At least with a DS I will not have to worry about bloody pink everywhere.'

How wrong she was.... last year he demanded to watch the whole Race For Life as so many of the runners were wearing pink grin

YANBU to hate it; YABU to let MIL know this.

wrongsideoftheroad Sat 23-Mar-13 18:51:15

Exactly fairylea, well said, I completely agree

(DD1 has a pink disney princess bedroom)

TomArchersSausage Sat 23-Mar-13 18:52:59

Lol at gender specificgrin

My dds played for years on a blue slide. But they liked pink things too. I don't think they cared either way. Ds used to dress up in their princess outfits.

I'm afraid children haven't read the manual on what they're 'supposed' to like (which is of course the brilliant thing about them!)

seriouscakeeater Sat 23-Mar-13 18:53:14

Goodness first time ever I'm going to agree with MIL? (Wtf)
It's a bloody slide for god sake! I bet your dd will love it! Has it really got to the point where parents are now choosing toys to go with there own tastes? How strange that you would have prefered a more classy one? Will you be using it? [Grin]

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Sat 23-Mar-13 18:55:23

YABVS (You are being very silly) It's a slide. It's pink. Big deal.

Wait til your PIL give your 3 year old a recorder 2 weeks after the birth of DC2 hmm now that's a pisser of a gift! it did not end up being chucked outside and then repeatedly run over with the wheelie bin while DD was at nursery, oh no

Also what wrongsideoftheroad said. Time to share OP grin

Mashedupbanana Sat 23-Mar-13 18:56:44

Thanks everyone, ok I'll keep it. It runs a bit deeper than just the slide if I'm honest. I had previously got on well with MIL (despite different backgrounds and tastes) but she was horrified when I became pregnant as we are not married and she made it very clear that we were an embarrassment to the family and behaved disgracefully throughout my pregnancy and early weeks with new born. We were very shocked at this as we were delighted to be becoming parents but didn't ever discuss how upsetting their behaviour towards us was. They are Daily Mail reading judgy types and just don't 'get' us. I think each time we get this kind of situation it just reminds me how different we are unfortunately.

ouryve Sat 23-Mar-13 18:57:06

This mum hated the "organic" wood stuff. It put dents and scratches in everything it collided with and made wonderful makeshift crayons. Add to that the fact that most of it's still made in the far east, anyhow so you have no idea what's possibly in that paint they're chewing off. (Yes, there was a range of wooden toys found to have lead based paint on them, a few years back)

Babybeesmama Sat 23-Mar-13 18:58:56

Yabu - Its not your present, its DD's and I'm sure she likes it. Suck it up & let her enjoy it!

KurriKurri Sat 23-Mar-13 18:59:14

Does your DD like the slide is the question, pink is a colour that is suitable for all children who like the colour pink. You seem to be wanting to swap it to meet the hypothetical preferences of a hypothetical DS.

This will not be the first time your DD owns something that is not to your taste, - you and your garden will survive the trauma of the pink slide.

Fairylea Sat 23-Mar-13 18:59:58

Ahh so looking out in the garden at the slide is going to remind you of her and her miserable ways... I don't think the colour is going to help disguise it smile

Maybe you could imagine it's her smug face everytime dd slides down it?

Lovely natural stuff is really expensive, so probably unrealistic for most people to get as presents or themselves. I would suck it up but one of you can have a word about not wanting to have to buy everything again if you have a son. While I know that you wouldn't really have to, the kind of person who buys pink everything is probably the kind of person who wouldn't want a boy playing with masses of pink toys.

SquinkieBunnies Sat 23-Mar-13 19:00:01

Say thanks and use it for the summer, your child will have a great time on it. My Dd wanted one of those plastic cars you move with your feet, I found a purple and pink one in a car boot sale for super cheap, took it home and he was in heaven. His big brother took a sharpie pen and wrote Police in block letters on each door and he played on it for years. The colour won't matter, if you have a boy he'll slide as well on pink as if it were brown.

SquinkieBunnies Sat 23-Mar-13 19:01:03

It was my Ds that wanted a car, Dd wasn't born till many years later.

starrystarrymole Sat 23-Mar-13 19:01:51

Was the present for any particular occasion? Could you go down the 'we don't want to spoil her with presents all year through, so can we save it for birthday/christmas 2014? Also, I think it's a fair point that it's not neccessarily the colour pink you (and I) object to- it's probably as much to do with the decoration- all stupid butterflies and twirliness. Why can't the stuff be pink, but with trains or something on? It's one thing to genderise colour, but the likes of ELC etc have divided up most objects of interest too. Name something apart from maybe Zoo animals that isn't designated for girl/boys. Actually, forget Zoos: Lions/tigers/monkeys: boys. I reckon only elephants are neutral now. sad wink

MyShoofly Sat 23-Mar-13 19:02:19

Its just a slide - hardly worth being ungrateful and particular over IMO.

Surely the intended recipient will love it and if it occupies her than it will have been a good gift for both of you in the end.

LittleBairn Sat 23-Mar-13 19:06:40

I'm quite mean I would send it home with MIL and tell her next time to consultant if she is going to buy a gift that takes up so much space.

MidnightMasquerader Sat 23-Mar-13 19:09:38

I would really dislike this as well, especially in light of your recent post.

But unfortunately, I think there is very little you can do aside from expose it to the elements and hope it disintegrates sooner rather than later.

HazelnutinCaramel Sat 23-Mar-13 19:14:22

Give your DD some paints and let her paint it. Will take away from the pinkness, it's creative & natural and if you get the right colours, it'll blend in to the garden better.

CandyCrushed Sat 23-Mar-13 19:18:39

I think you should say thank you, she is trying to be nice. Buying a pink slide for the garden for you DD is a kind thing to do.

Plastic and pink is what most little girls and MIL's like. (Not PC but true!)

Keep the other issues seperate.

FrameyMcFrame Sat 23-Mar-13 19:25:36

I don't agree.
I have 2 kids and a super tasteful garden with dens, masses of veg plots and little paths and no pink plastic....

Have you got a garage you can store it in and just get it out occasionally?

shockers Sat 23-Mar-13 19:49:06

Stick it out there now... it'll be on the other side of the country by morning grin.

nokidshere Sat 23-Mar-13 19:52:07

Who cares? Seriously? Its a present fgs and one that will be grown out of sooner than you think.

CombineBananaFister Sat 23-Mar-13 20:04:29

I completely see where you're coming from as a mum who bought ridiculously expensive wooden toys and 'twee' cath kidston cowboy bedding and anything bloody swedish as they know best about childcare? and it looks cool. (i was temporarily that shallow grin )
BUT which toys did my Ds like best? the loud garish plastic tat from asda that nannan bought so do yourself A favour - if it's fun and she likes it, let her enjoy it, you can pick the adult stuff to your taste.
Incidentally, my 6 mth old did NOT give a shit about his beautiful bedding haha!

Bananasinfadedpjs Sat 23-Mar-13 20:06:19

Slides are great fun for little ones. Sliding down, climbing up the wrong way, jumping off the steps, sending cars and balls down, and teddies and dolls and sand... Combine with a paddling pool in the summer for loads of entertainment.

Plastic ones are easy to wipe clean and light enough to move around the garden.

Get her a pair of waterproof trousers and she can play on it in all weathers, mine love sliding in the rain.

You could always grow some pink flowers in your garden to co-ordinate with the slide wink

b4bunnies Sat 23-Mar-13 20:17:07

i think you should let your inlaws get whatever they like, to their taste, and you buy the things you like. you can put the garish things out of sight - plant a few more bushes.

zukiecat Sat 23-Mar-13 20:30:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sokmonsta Sat 23-Mar-13 20:44:32

Yabu. Dd had a pink slide until she outgrew it. Ds doesn't give a flying fig what colour it is as long as he can whizz/roll balls/cars down it. Leave it out and it will fade. Otherwise only have it out when they want to use it.

stargirl1701 Sat 23-Mar-13 20:54:51

Sell it on eBay and buy a new slide?

Snazzynewyear Sat 23-Mar-13 21:00:17

Or if it's from a big name store, take it back to your nearest one and ask if you can swap it for a red one. Then tell your MIL that a bit was missing when you opened the box, and the local store kindly exchanged it but only had red.

thebody Sat 23-Mar-13 21:04:50

Ah your mil sounds generous and nice. Don't upset her over a temporary toy for the garden.

Your dd will love it.

I would love my dd to wear pretty boho clothes and she's gone out tonight in blue shorts, black tights, see thru red top with a white bandu, topped up with red converses.

I'd swap you the slide.

Mashedupbanana Sat 23-Mar-13 21:14:37

Generous and nice.. did you read update post sad

thezebrawearspurple Sat 23-Mar-13 21:39:13

I have always mentioned how much I hate to much pink to people. Everyone knows that I like dd to have a wide spectrum of colours and toy mix so that she can make her own decisions about what she likes. Relatives and friends are happy to buy mostly non pink things, gender neutral and even boy stuff because they know a good mix is preferred. You have to mention it to people if it's a problem for you!!!!

MrsDeVere Sat 23-Mar-13 21:47:57

I have read your updated post. Sorry she was so awful.
Do you think this could be a bit of an olive branch, albeit a clumsy or controlling one?

The slide will fade and look hideous in a few months outside anyway. If you have a boy he won't care if it's pink. Your DD will get a lot of fun out of it (for a few weeks until she gets bored of it anyway).

Perhaps having to look at it in your garden reminds you of how badly you were treated by your MIL?

I can understand why that would bother you.

Try and think of it as Just.a.slide.


quesadilla Sat 23-Mar-13 21:49:53

A word of advice from someone who was raised by a pink phobe: kids home on it and tend to go the other way. My mum basically banned pink and it gave me a lifelong obsession with the colour. I totally get the ideological/gender conditioning issues and I sort of instinctively side with you but if you make too big a deal of it your dd will react and worship at the altar of all that is princessy and girly. Don't ban it - she will grow out of it and if you make a scene she will react.

WorraLiberty Sat 23-Mar-13 21:50:22

I don't like pink things like this as I think they look tacky and if we have a son next it is too gender specific.

Oh yes, he'll catch the gays as soon as his bottom hits a pink slide.

MrsDeVere Sat 23-Mar-13 21:55:09

I love pink.
<unhelpful but true>

shesariver Sat 23-Mar-13 22:01:08

Such snobbiness in some of these posts, "tat", "shit" etc....its a chute that kids love to play on that's all. Glad I care more about my kids having fun in their own garden, rather than how aesthetically pleasing it looks.

shesariver Sat 23-Mar-13 22:03:26

And I think mrsdevere has it spot on.

5eggstremelychocaletymadeggs Sat 23-Mar-13 22:04:34

I dont much like pink but my ds3 loves it and now i have dd my going a bit mad with pink tat, every visit there are more bobbles and hair clips and little bags and toy necklaces and bracelets etc. The kids love it tho, esp ds3 and she means well. Dd would prefer anything dinosaur related!

We have a varietu if toys, pink, blue and more neautral. Some wooden amd some plastic. As long as the kids like them.its a good and i just try and be ruthless and donate to charity so we done get over run!

Dd was given a hideous baby annabel toy wardrobe full of dolls clothes. Big pink monstrositu but the boys love it and spend ages dressing the dolls, then dd takes a the clothes off again....

She was given my little ponies as well. She lines them all up and then gets the toy dinosaurs to come and eat them....

MyDarlingClementine Sat 23-Mar-13 22:06:57

My Mil got us a huge orange and brown vile kicker thing - they lie on backs and kick and its like a million slot machines whizzing and lights flashing away, balls rolling, it was the whole of las vegas in one toy.

and it was so big. and so ugly. she didnt seem to like it. i hacve to admit it went into the loft.

by the way - my DD plays with any toys i can get her for free usually, so they are "boys" blue toys, girls pink, toys or any toys.

i have never mentioned gendery things to her, or pink or say the word - girly.

ie i havant made an issue of any of her toys to her - and cringe when people say " oh she plays with trains or cars" with us - she just plays regardless of colour.

PoppyWearer Sat 23-Mar-13 22:08:05

I understand that your history with your MIL may be influencing how you feel about it.

But honestly, I had a DD first, and we bought her a huge great plastic Little Tikes thing for the garden (tastefully arranged behind some trees). The slides are pink. That's just how it came (from eBay).

Now we have a DS too. Does he care that the slides are pink? He does not. All he knows is that chucking himself down them is a LOT of fun.

Slides are fun. Once you see your DD enjoying it, I bet you won't care any more where it came from and why.

idiot55 Sat 23-Mar-13 22:11:15

embrace it, seriiously you will end up with a lot of stuff you dont want

exoticfruits Sat 23-Mar-13 22:14:00

I don't see why your DS will mind it being pink. I should make a start at having big presents at her house- to enjoy when they go there.

WinkyWinkola Sat 23-Mar-13 22:17:24

Pink and plastic? Yuck. I can imagine it's vile.

And of course there is always some background as well.

I would just say thanks and then say we might have a boy next time - can we go for more yellows/reds/greens etc in future?

And is it just me who finds the phrase 'suck it up' totally repulsive?

Startail Sat 23-Mar-13 22:18:24

It's a slide, if it's a plastic one it will soon be outgrown.

Try a 14ft trampoline complete with safety net.

Mashedupbanana Sat 23-Mar-13 22:29:56

I'm not a pink hater as such, but as dd doesn't yet seem to have a preference for a particular colour, if I'm buying something new then I tend to go for neutral things just so they are easily passed on to a boy as it seems silly to buy twice, but glad to hear those with boys don't seem to care about having pink stuff so hopefully ours (if we have one) will be the same. Pink wouldn't be my preference but we have quite a bit of second hand pink stuff as it has been good value / free. I wouldn't want a future boy to feel like everything was clearly his sister's I suppose so I was just wondering if it is rude to swap for more neutral colour but sounds like the boys aren't as bothered by pink as I'd have thought they might so maybe it's not a prob after all. Yes i think because MIL has behaved badly in the past, everything she does now irritates me. She now loves dd which I'm pleased about, but can't help feeling a little bitter that she didn't want her here in the first place and yes I think looking at the damn slide reminds me of the way she made me feel. But you're right, it is just a slide and dd will love it.

5eggstremelychocaletymadeggs Sat 23-Mar-13 22:30:31

stairtail we have a trampoline, a big wooden climbing frame with a climbing wall and massive slide and a sand/water play table, massive ride on tractor and trailer, a swingball, skateboards, scooters etc etc.... Its like a play area not a garden! Meh the kids like it smile

KirstyJC Sat 23-Mar-13 22:38:50

If you don't like gender-specific toys, why would a pink slide be a problem if you had a son? He can have pink toys too, can't he?

ceebie Sat 23-Mar-13 22:47:46

Your MIL's taste is similiar to my MIL. We accept gaudy, flashy, brightly coloured and loud gifts with gratitude. However over the years we try to 'steer' MIL's choices in our favour (difficult as she buys up to 6 months in advance and if she gets her own idea she is unstoppable) - either we desperately try to think of the type of present she might like to buy but that we could tolerate / actually fit in our house, or if she's thought of something DH might say "ooh you can get nice wooden ones / neutral ones - one of them would be lovely" - doesn't always work and when it doesn't, we just think nothing is forever and not worth falling out over. I always get DH to voice the suggestions, not me - I think it's better that way.

By the way, my 1 year old DS goes swimming in pink swim shorts and a pink bodywarmer. Maybe he'll mind when he's a bit older but for the moment he doesn't care and nor do I!

ceebie Sat 23-Mar-13 22:53:05

Is it one of those little tot's slides? Buy a nice big garden storage box / mini-shed thing to put all large toys in.

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 23-Mar-13 22:55:14

Glad you realised yabu.

Cos the thing about colours are they ARE just colours and are all gender neutral they only become otherwise if you start saying stuff like you can't wear/have/ play with that because you are a boy, same as everything else traditionally concidered to be none gender neutral

BarbarianMum Sat 23-Mar-13 23:00:03

Guess what, all you 'gender neutral' people up thread who are worried that your sons won't use pink things?

Some girls don't like pink. Quite a lot of boys do (although most have it verbally beaten out of them by the loving adults in their lives by the time they hit school age).

Pink is just a colour b/w red and white. It is gender neutral, just like any other fucking colour.

Personally I don't like pink but I am so, so sick of this shit.

<Storms off ranting>

aldiwhore Sat 23-Mar-13 23:01:28

My boys had a pink swing, it was given to us... they are not gay. I was certain everything I would ever own would either be politically correct, gender neutral and aesthetically pleasing (almost to the point that I very nearly denied them the colour blue - which is daft, it's a nice colour) and I am very very glad I failed.

My wonderful children play in their eclectic garden on their garish toys and although you'd never see my property in 'Beautiful Homes' it is actually a beautiful home, because, not in spite of, garish plastic items strewn around the garden, the boys' drawings on my kitchen walls, crayon on the stairwell, etc.,

I am glad I let go of the idea of perfection, because I really don't think I'd have got it if I hadn't.

I now have an all colours are awesome policy and have chilled the hell out. grin

aldiwhore Sat 23-Mar-13 23:02:10

I should point out that I wouldn't give a stuff if my boys were gay, but the pink slide certainly hasn't forced their hand either way!

mrsjay Sat 23-Mar-13 23:07:03

It is because it is pink plastic tat isnt it , you sound snooty suck it up let her play with it the brittish weather will get fade it soon enough ,

bamboozled Sat 23-Mar-13 23:13:01

Really, you might as well give up now, roller skates, sand outs paddling pools (even more ugly when empty) abandoned balls, netball hoops, trampolines with safety nets - its all an eyesore, but hey - the kids are outside all the time - I know which I prefer...

LandofTute Sat 23-Mar-13 23:21:58

I suppose the problem with suggesting to someone that a wooden version of a toy would be preferable as a gift, is that they are often more expensive than the plastic version and the person may not have wanted to spend that much.

mrsjay Sat 23-Mar-13 23:26:23

I have a relative who for nearly 16 yrs has given his mother an acceptable present list for his daughters it has ranged from good hand made wooden toys up until this year expensive perfume and a scarf by 'some designer' My aunt hasn't the budget to buy any of these things, and she feels mean and letting her Gd down at birthdays and christmas everybirthday she frets she has got the 'right thing' OP dont do that to your MIL it is too stressful, accept her gift graciously let your dd slide down the slide and seriously it is just a bloody slide not an accessory for your garden

AllTheMadmen Sat 23-Mar-13 23:46:24

you could spray paint it gold or any colour.

AmberSocks Sat 23-Mar-13 23:48:53

i used to be like that but honestly,with a 5,4,3 yr old and a baby i dont mind anymore,we still have a lot of nice neutral wooden toys but i have noticed bright colours and plastic are taking over,as long as they enjoy them dont worry about if it looks tasteful or not.

jojane Sun 24-Mar-13 00:21:28

A red slide would only fade to pink anyway

Startail Sun 24-Mar-13 01:09:46

Yes we have all manner of other climbing and swing stuff further up the garden, but it's the sodding great trampoline I can see from the house.

LittleEdie Sun 24-Mar-13 02:51:38

I wouldn't have a pink slide in the garden. Kids can do loads in the garden without slides and stuff. It'd spoil it unless your garden is big enough it could be hidden. Must be very difficult though if she'll take offence.

Lavenderhoney Sun 24-Mar-13 03:03:16

I've given up on my lovely calm garden and stressing about grass, flowers, picking of flowers etc. the grass is ruined anyway by tying a tennis ball to the whirly thing and letting dc bash it with sticks/ bats. Bright pink is ok. I am not into colours for boys and girls but dd knows what she likes and its pinksmile

I think a slide sounds great, and your dd will want to be outside playing and you will want to get her toys or how will she play? And other people's dc come round... Better everyone outside than insmile

Go on, get a Wendy house and a paddling pool for when the weathers nice. Plus a deck chair for yourselfsmile

Someone gave my ds a pink trike when he was 2. He loved it- so does his baby sister now.

Sunshineandwaves Sun 24-Mar-13 05:39:00

My mother in law didn't buy my kids anything for Xmas or their birthdays. I think you are being very ungrateful.

Timetoask Sun 24-Mar-13 06:06:06

I am sorry you don't like the colour, but little children really love these slides. Mine had one (sorry it was plastic!) in the lounge when they little and it provided endless hours of fun when it was too cold to go outside.

Emilythornesbff Sun 24-Mar-13 06:08:50

Let it go.
Be grateful you have a mil who is interested in your dd and generous enough to buy her a toy that she'll love. I'm sorry she was difficult about your pregnancy but it sounds like she's come around. What does your DP think about this issue?
The "natural" wooden garden toys you might prefer are phenomenally expensive, go ahead and buy a 4 k climbing frame if you want to have some of your own taste of garden gear. Maybe the addition of other toys will tone down the plastic slide a bit.
Your dd wil probably love the slide.

BecauseYourWorthIt Sun 24-Mar-13 07:16:31

I sympathise with you too op. I am very house proud and would also prefer something that looked good in the garden like a wooden one.

Its difficult really how to word it unless you found something like a wendy house which had a slide attached to it (in a nice natural wood of course) or some other kind of play/activity thing for your garden incorporating a slide. You could politely say that she gave you a good idea getting a slide for the garden (sucking up to her a bit here) and you saw something which lo would love which doubles up as ie slide/wendy house which i think she will love. Do you fancy going halves on this instead?

OneLieIn Sun 24-Mar-13 07:34:23


It's only a slide

Wait til you get the full size arcade basketball game we got for Chrishmas........

Mashedupbanana Sun 24-Mar-13 08:19:11

DP thinks the slide is awful too and would be happy to ask them to swap it.

I must say we certainly aren't one of those families where dd only has beautifully crafted wooden toy - pretty much everything is second hand so it's a real mixture. I'm fully prepared that dd'll probably be into all things pink and tacky in future and thats fine if it is her preference. I suppose i just think with large presents that are very visible, it would have been better for GPs to check with us first. However our tastes and outlook are just so different and they just presume everyone thinks the same as them so it wouldn't occur to them that we wouldn't like it.

MrsDeVere Sun 24-Mar-13 08:56:37

I think we all have our 'pink slide'
Most of us would be find with an actual pink slide but I am sure we all have things that would make our stomach churn in that puzzling way.
We know its just a slide, walker, doll, saucepan set, duvet cover etc

but it will get to us just the same, for the same or similar reasons you have.

But if your DH asks them to swap it, will it be worth it? If this is an olive branch it might set your relationship back at a time when it has a chance of being bearable.

They really are quite handy for small children and the colour is irrelevant because you are not telling your DD she is only allowed pink toys or that pink is just for girls..

birdofthenorth Sun 24-Mar-13 08:57:54

I have resigned myself to the influx of pink plastic stuff from the in laws, their only GD alongside 4 GSs. Not my preference politically or aesthetically but Dd does love it and MIL is clearly desperate to by "girly" stuff for her "little princess" and several quiet chats have not changed that. It's not worth going to war over and can only last a few years so I'm sucking it up and giving DD gender neutral stuff myself (some of it plastic to be fair- budgetary constraints!).

Yabu, your dc will love it and that's all that counts. After all at least it's an item that can be stored outside and not one that has to be kept inside. If you really hate it that much, keep it in the shed when not in use.

Mashedupbanana Sun 24-Mar-13 09:31:04

Yes MrsDeVere, you're so right. If a friend had given me the slide as a hand me down I would have been delighted, it's just that it represents a relationship that I'm still bitter about and as I can't actually tell MIL that I hate the way she treated us, it's easier for me to reject her tacky presents -I guess I'm subconsciously showing her that I don't approve of her choices just as she made so clear she didn't approve of ours (having a baby and not being married).
Thanks for the advise all, I have realised its not the slide that is the problem after all, yes I wouldn't have chosen it, but dd will like it and not give two hoots about the colour.

My relationship with MIL is the problem and I thought I would just be able to ignore the way she behaved and move on but it is still eating me up two years later. Will post a separate post about that as I clearly can't leave things as they are as I'm sure dd will pick up on this tension as she gets older. Thanks for making me realise this everyone smile I've not posted on MN before. I feel like I've just had an hour of therapy wink

acceptableinthe80s Sun 24-Mar-13 09:34:00

But OP you're the one stereotyping. Why would a boy toddler think all the pink toys were his sisters? He would only think that if you pointed out pink was for girls iyswim.
Besides you'll soon find out how practical plastic garden toys are, wooden ones get weather beaten very quickly, have sharp corners etc whereas plastic stuff can be cleaned easily and is generally more child friendly. I've had a red plastic slide in my garden for 3 years, it's been battered by gales/snow/rain and looks none the worse for it.

MrsDeVere Sun 24-Mar-13 10:04:26

Just a warning masheduup
This thread may well keep going regardless of your sensible, insightful post.

Be prepared grin

WhatTheWaterGaveMe Sun 24-Mar-13 10:07:13


It's a slide for your daughter which will not last forever.
My mum also got my DD a pink slide for our garden - is it the little tykes one? It's not tacky either - think you are being a bit snobby there

WhatTheWaterGaveMe Sun 24-Mar-13 10:08:28

My silly phone only showed up the first page grin

Good for you :-)

Catchingmockingbirds Sun 24-Mar-13 10:10:28

Very true mesdevere, as demonstrated by whatthewater grin

WhatTheWaterGaveMe Sun 24-Mar-13 10:17:07

Explanation under my first post catching grin

I wouldn't have replied if I'd seen the rest of the thread wink

WeAreEternal Sun 24-Mar-13 10:22:15

I would just say " thank you for the gift, I'm sure dd will love it. I think you should keep it for your garden so that you can watch her enjoying it every time she visits."

VinegarDrinker Sun 24-Mar-13 10:23:34

MrsDeVere speaks wise words. And your last post is spot on OP.

If it makes you feel better though, my first instinct would have been exactly the same as yours. Luckily we have a smallish flat and small garden so everyone knows not to buy DS "big" presents, regardless of taste.

Mashedupbanana Sun 24-Mar-13 10:47:36

No it's not little tykes, it's the Chad valley one. Ooh just looked up Little Tykes on line... maybe I can swap it for the Little Tykes green one

Mashedupbanana Sun 24-Mar-13 10:49:58

... just as I had come to terms with the fact I was being unreasonable and going to keep the little pink horror grin

crashdoll Sun 24-Mar-13 11:25:54

YABU, it's not your present. Also, I don't get the pink hate. I would certainly not want my DD to have everything pink but the odd thing here and there (if SHE liked it) would be fine.

hackmum Sun 24-Mar-13 11:28:13

YABU. It's not as if she bought a toy gun or something. She bought it to be kind because she thought it was something your DD would like. So as everyone else said (more or less): 1. Your DD will probably love it, which is the main thing, 2. You can't have children and maintain a home full of good taste, it just isn't going to happen and 3. If you have a boy next, then you can show off what a fine gender-stereotype-busting mother you are by letting him play on it too.

countrykitten Sun 24-Mar-13 11:31:38

How is a pink slide too 'gender specific' for a boy? Sounds like you haven't really got a clue tbh.

DoeEyedBeauties Sun 24-Mar-13 11:33:48

It's good of you to realise what the real issue was Mashed. Not many people can figure that out so quickly. thanks

ScrambledSmegs Sun 24-Mar-13 11:49:39

Think you're very wise, Mashed. Just as an aside, those plastic slides fade like a cheap spray tan - red will fade to pink outdoors very quickly, pink will go almost white. So don't worry too much about the colour.

Xmasbaby11 Sun 24-Mar-13 12:04:54

My MIL is the same but luckily it's only a few clothes in her case.

Since it's a slide, which is a gender-neutral toy, I don't think it would bother me too much that it's pink. A fairy castle or similar would be another story. Like others have said, if it's just the odd thing, it probably balances out.

BelleEtLaBaby Sun 24-Mar-13 12:38:29

I think yanbu actually. I wish wish wish people would ask before buying big things or furniture. Toys or whatever, small things, then fair enough. But big items, garden stuff and furniture is part of the house and I think just because you've got kids doesn't mean your opinion gets totally negated. I wouldn't dream of buying someone a garden table or a sofa without asking them? Why is this different?

My in laws and parents do this to me all the time. For ds's first birthday they all turned up with massive toys. A police car, a slide (yellow), a rocking horse that neighs (which ds is terrified if and is still too big for him to ride and he is nearly 2 now), and a quad bike. All of which sounds lovely except we were living in a tiny rented flat with one living space the size of a postage stamp, no loft and no garden confused And before anyone suggests keeping these massive items at theirs, neither my parents or my in laws have a garden either. I ended up tripping over it all and I had to keep the slide in the bath for ages. It was a massive pita. I'm not backwards in coming forwards and I said, look, this is all lovely but what were you thinking? They were all really apologetic but nothing could've been returned as they had all taken these things out oft he boxes, built them and stuck ribbons on it all so it was used and not returnable. We have moved now into a bigger house with a yard and ds's birthday is in 2 weeks. I've had to have a word with them all and say LOOK we are already bursting out of this house. DO NOT buy anything big. Do not do not do not.

Luckily we all get on really well. Mil especially has form here for non baby items. She has previously turned up at our various flats with a double bed (for our one bedroom flat) a massive armchair (for our fifth floor bedsit with I lift and one room we were already busting out of) and, just free out wedding, her old three piece suite. No warning, just arrives with this massive thing she no longer wants in her house gifts. I've sent her to the charity shop on all 3 occasions.

You don't have to nod and smile. Shove the slide on Oxfam and tell her someone came in the garden and nicked it smile no shame, me

BelleEtLaBaby Sun 24-Mar-13 12:41:38

That post was full of mistakes. Too pregnant to spellcheck smile

LittleEdie Sun 24-Mar-13 14:05:14

Swap it!

Mashedupbanana Sun 24-Mar-13 15:03:02

Right we swapped it today, asked MiL and she was fine with colour change. Thanks all. I do need to do something about my relationship with MIL though and have posted in the 'what would you do' board - any advice gratefully received.

CandyCrushed Sun 24-Mar-13 18:34:04

Don't be too suprised if she oesn't give your DD anything else for awhile wink

YABU. A slide is a a slide. I'd be quite happy for my DS to be given a pink slide - we can't afford one. In fact, if it bothers you that much we'll be happy to take it off your hands! grin

Oops didn't see the last post. Glad you've got it all sorted OP!

SquinkieBunnies Mon 25-Mar-13 22:44:21

Glad MIL was OK about changing the colour, so everyone's happy?

Mashedupbanana Tue 26-Mar-13 12:43:48

Yeah everyone's happy pretty much. I still think they should have checked first but it's now green so blends in a bit more smile

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