To let DS feed himself from the highchair tray?

(311 Posts)

Long, sorry...

Birthday lunch for a family friend at a country pub. 8 adults, DS1 (3yo) and DS2 (13mo)

We eat out a lot with the DC so they behave pretty well; no shouting, chucking food etc. DS1 eats like a mini-adult, uses cutlery, no probs. DS2 feeds himself nicely and has done for months (BLW) but as his pasta has arrived as an enormous adult-sized portion on a plate, I pick up a dollop or two and put them on the tray of his highchair. He scoffs away. The babywipes are poised next to him.

Waiter(asst.manager/supervisor?) hovers; 'is there something wrong with the plate?'
Me; confused 'sorry?'
Waiter; 'IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE PLATE?' (crossly, with sarcasm)
Me; <stammers> um, oh, was a bit hot...he tends to push the plate around...might get broken...I WILL clean the tray myself and wipe up any mess when he's finished...
Waiter;'oh, it's just I couldn't believe it when I saw you just dumping it on the tray like that'
Me; shock
DH; Er, hang on a minute mate, that's how he eats? No harm done! Do you have children?!'
Waiter; 'no, but I was one once, and my mother would never have just put food in front of me like that...she'd have fed me properly'

At this point my bottom lip went blush and DH asked him if he'd meant to be so rude(!). He then said; 'well, half of your party were 30mins late for the booking, and then she (gestures) dumps food straight on the table....'

I got a bit upset. Soothing noises ensued from all our party. After about 20mins he returns

Waiter; 'um, right, about earlier; I'm sorry you were upset but... '
Me; (cutting in) 'are you apologising?'
Waiter; 'no, thank you for cleaning up, but I stand by what I sai..'
Me; (nicely) 'I don't want to hear it, thanks!'
Waiter; (loudly, while walking off with his hands raised in despair) 'Ok, fine, you just carry on doing that in every restaurant you go to and see what happens...'

shock and grin


Tee2072 Sat 23-Mar-13 17:27:48


He's a tosser. And may need a chat with management about customer service.

Just wait until he has kids!

SkiBunnnnny Sat 23-Mar-13 17:28:47

My concern would be how clean do you think the high hair tray in a restaurant is?

bangwhizz Sat 23-Mar-13 17:28:50

YABU - god knows what could have been on the tray.It's probably casually wiped with a minging old cloth, he was concened for your baby?

libertyflip Sat 23-Mar-13 17:29:28

What a muppet!

WorriedMummy73 Sat 23-Mar-13 17:30:05

Oh my God, were you waited on by Basil fucking Fawlty? Unbelievably rude and I would be complaining to the management about this. And his final remark as he walked away...

OP, you were in no way in the wrong here (although I'm sure that some people will be along to tell you that, yes, you were) and I can't believe you were treated like this.

So no, YWNBU, in the slightest.

BrianButterfield Sat 23-Mar-13 17:30:14

We've done this in tonnes of places. Some well meaning waiters/waitresses have brought small plates but as DS can be a thrower I prefer him not to use 'proper' plates right now. Nobody has ever said anything and we always wipe the tray down afterwards.

janey68 Sat 23-Mar-13 17:30:43

How rude of him.
I would have asked for a plate personally, because it's preferable to eating off a high chair tray when you don't know whether it's been cleaned properly, or indeed whether it's got cleaning spray on it. But the waiter was rude to react like that.

PamBeesly Sat 23-Mar-13 17:31:11

He is a trollop mistressploppy, how the ignorant walk amongst us, your 13mo should teach him some manners

MortifiedAdams Sat 23-Mar-13 17:31:17

YANBU thats how dd feeds too and ive never ever had anyone say anything. Also, regardless of whether what you were doing was right or.not the waiter was well out of order.

In hindsight I would have asked if he could provide a plastic plate seeing as he was so insistant on plates being used. Crockery ones being a smash risk with a toddler of course.

Where was this?

I did clean the tray first

you could have used a side plate - did you clean the tray before you put food on it? You dont know what nasties could be lurking there if it doesnt get cleaned properly. Maybe he was just miffed because you were late to begin with.

total x-post

grannyagedmummy Sat 23-Mar-13 17:32:50

I'd have asked what customer service training he had as really its non of his business? He is there to serve you food not to tell you or family how to eat it.

I feed my 13mnth DS off the tray. He isn't interested in cutlery

Xavielli Sat 23-Mar-13 17:33:32

YANBU and I would complain in writing.

QueenFee Sat 23-Mar-13 17:34:32

If I gave my little one a bowl it would all end up on the floor. I would have complained to the manager as he is supposed to serve you not express his opinion on your parenting methods. If he had said I think you should do your daughters hair differently you wouldn't accept it!
It's none of his business and as far as I can see a perfectly normal thing to do. I wonder if he really remembers being that age :/

ArtVandelay Sat 23-Mar-13 17:35:21

Utter dickhead, I hope you didnt leave a tip.

I'm a bit germ phobic though and shudder at restaurant high chairs. I'm really not having a dig but could you take a little IKEA plastic plate with you next time? And a plastic bag to take it home in.

He was a disgrace to the hospitality industry though.

ZillionChocolate Sat 23-Mar-13 17:36:19

Hwbu, I wouldn't go back but I might to his manager to let them know why. The non apology afterwards was adding insult to injury.

5eggstremelychocaletymadeggs Sat 23-Mar-13 17:37:14

Yanbu I often do that, I don't know why so many places insist on serving a child's serving on a hot plate.

I just wipe the tray first, most if it ends up on the tray when they are that age anyway!

BrianButterfield Sat 23-Mar-13 17:37:20

Why should op faff about with plates because other people are germ-phobic? My DS would happily chomp on fake coal from the fire and very old food found in every crevice of the floor, I'm not fussed about a slighty-grubby highchair.

VerySmallSqueak Sat 23-Mar-13 17:37:42

I'd be bloody furious.
And the waiter and the manager would know I was too.


5eggstremelychocaletymadeggs Sat 23-Mar-13 17:37:48

And do complain he was rude!

MomaP Sat 23-Mar-13 17:38:04

Honestly, I am more shocked that you hadn't wrote on the end that you had made a complaint. I was shock all throughout reading the OP.

How absolutely mortified I'd of been to be rudely questioned about how my children ate his food. Phone the restaurant and make a complaint. There is no reason the waiter should get away with that.

MrsBertMacklin Sat 23-Mar-13 17:39:12

YANBU, lots of children feed from the chair tray, you explained that you'd be cleaning up after DS2 and who on earth does the waiter think he is to pass judgment!

You did well not to throw pasta at him.

MajaBiene Sat 23-Mar-13 17:40:01

I wouldn't have risked giving a baby a proper plate! So long as the high chair tray is clean then you did the sensible thing.

Samie10 Sat 23-Mar-13 17:41:04

I'd be happily typing an email to the management...go on do it and let us know the response....what a tosspot!

wrongsideoftheroad Sat 23-Mar-13 17:42:31

YANBU. I used to take a little spray of dettol and some baby wipes with me to clean the tray first and do the same as dd2 was also a thrower.

I did get one of those suction bowl things to take out with us, but forgot and left it in a restaurant on our second outing.

whiteEASTER Sat 23-Mar-13 17:43:21

YABU and gross.It's not exactly good table manners is it.You might well do it at hom bit that doesn't mean to say you should when you are out.
Also the hygene issue- dishwasher operates at a high temeperature to sterilise crockery.A wipe down won't do that.

VerySmallSqueak Sat 23-Mar-13 17:43:45

Given my past record to be honest I would probably have got up and left and told them they could keep their bloody food.

Then I would have to mooch about outside wondering if the rest of the party was going to follow me...blush

Traceymac2 Sat 23-Mar-13 17:44:18

He was extremely rude regardless of whether he was unhappy with what you were doing. He is representing the restaurant and should present himself as polite and professional at all times. So no YANBU and should complain to the manager.

I agree with the hygiene issue though, even using baby wipes god knows what bugs are lurking on a restaurant high chair. I would want to sterilise it first before I would put food on it!! I would use the one at home though in this way as the tray can be detached and washed thoroughly.

I'd have complained! How rude is he??

Floggingmolly Sat 23-Mar-13 17:45:23

The neck of him!
I complained about a two year old on a potty in the middle of a pub restaurant once, well, I primarily complained about the fact that the child stood up and ran off to play, and the parents left the steaming pot of piss just sitting there, but the manager seemed too embarrassed to approach them confused
Your one seems to have enough balls for both of them.

BeeBopDingALing Sat 23-Mar-13 17:45:53

YADNBU what a dick. Hope you complained to the manager about his rudeness.

louisianablue2000 Sat 23-Mar-13 17:46:00

How spectacularly rude. I am a BLW oldie and in my five years/three children experience of BLW I have never have anyone make a negative comment, let alone one as rude as that! YANBU.

everlong Sat 23-Mar-13 17:47:05

I suppose from his point of view it did look odd.
Just plopping food on the tray.
Other people have to use the high hair too.

But he shouldn't have been as persistent as he was.

hwbu! That's how DS eats too, giving him a plate would be a disaster! It would be straight on the floor. He had food on the high chair tray in restaurants too and it's never been a problem! Hope you complained!

MerryMingeWhingesAgain Sat 23-Mar-13 17:50:46

I have done the same and would again.

Give the baby a plate - the whole plate of food goes on the floor in one go.

Put food on tray, some gets dropped, some gets eaten. I would clean the tray again afterwards. Mini dettol spray in the changing bag, easy as pie.

OrangePetals Sat 23-Mar-13 17:50:54

Do the people worried about hygiene go about steralising the floor in front of their crawling babies? They do stick everything in their mouths at this age you know, a highchair that's been wiped is the least of your worries.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Sat 23-Mar-13 17:52:16

What a twat!!

My DS eats all his food off the highchair tray. He throws a plate on the floor. If I'm out I always clean it first.

Complain, he's a prized tool. I wouldn't have been as calm as you were.

SneakyNinja Sat 23-Mar-13 17:52:53

Are you kidding me?! Can't believe anybody would say YABU here?! What an absolute Grade A Prick!

Which restaurant is it? I will make sure to go there, do exactly the same as you and make him Very sorry if he talks to me like that! angry

Tinymrscollings Sat 23-Mar-13 17:52:57

YADNBU. And good lord I'd not be in the slightest concerned about the provenance of the cleaning cloth. My 13 month old, in the company of most of the toddlers I know, spends a goodly proportion of his day scrabbling underneath furniture and stealthily ingesting whatever he finds there. I'd suggest a quick wipe of a tray with a wet wipe would probably suffice, hygiene wise.

tazzle22 Sat 23-Mar-13 17:53:16

he was very rude ........... I would have complained to manager. Your DC would prob have left less mess than many by picking food up with fingers off tray than deliberately / accidentally tipping plate off the tray !

I worried about germs one of them sticky bottom plastic bowls are great to take along if one thinks about it before hand grin. Harder to throw as well grin grin

wheredoistartmrs Sat 23-Mar-13 17:56:15

Yanbu especially
since you cleaned up. Ywbu for being late.

everlong Sat 23-Mar-13 17:59:39

Hang on if you're eating out in a restaurant you can't just act like you would at home.

The waiter didn't handle it very well, he shouldn't have made you feel bad but I think he was within his right to ask about it.

I think. I don't get blw. Never did it. Always looked too messy.

shockshockshock COMPLAIN. That is shocking customer service.

RabidCarrot Sat 23-Mar-13 18:01:06

Wow, I would have demanded to speak to the manager, I would write a letter of complaint to the head office and to be really honest I would have told him to fuck off and most likely tipped the bloody pasta over him but then I am evil grin.

Don't let idiots get to you. x

Massive plate. Normal high chair tray.

<<slow hand clap for whoever thought that a good idea>>

Can't see any issue with what you did.

Personally. I would write two letters.

One to the restaurant complaining about the waiter.

And one to the waiters mother. Lauding her skills at feeding her child and expressing sadness that she did not extend this devotion to installing basic manners and a degree of professionalism into him.

MajaBiene Sat 23-Mar-13 18:09:24

Even if you just did normal weaning everlong, surely a 13 month old should be feeding themselves?

Why was he in his rights to ask about it - what harm was food on a high chair tray going to do?

VerySmallSqueak Sat 23-Mar-13 18:11:13

I have to say that I'd be so incensed my local paper would be getting a letter too.

Oh dear. What a very rude and childish man. Nice response from Mr Ploppy though! YADNBU. I would definitely complain about his attitude. What a cockwomble.

thezebrawearspurple Sat 23-Mar-13 18:12:39

wtf??!!! yanbu, dd eats like this in public because I don't want her throwing a plate at someones head, as long as you've wiped the tray with anti bacterial wipes before hand it's fine. The waiter was horribly rude and ignorant, you should complain.

midori1999 Sat 23-Mar-13 18:13:45

YANBU. I still put DD's food on the high chair tray now and she's 21 months. I do give the high hair a good scrub with Dettol wipes first though, some places have disgusting high chairs, really grubby.

I'm sure they'd rather food on the tray than a broken plate or burnt toddler.

The waiter was rude, you should have asked of there was something wrong with his social skills, what a pity his Mother didn't spend more time teaching him manners....


everlong Sat 23-Mar-13 18:15:07

At 13 months if we were out in a restaurant I wouldn't have just let mine go for it, no.
I would have helped them so they didn't make too much mess, you know by being considerate.

crashdoll Sat 23-Mar-13 18:15:23

I must be from another planet to some of you here.

Even if he is a baby, you cannot slop food onto a highchair tray. If the baby does it himself, then fine but you were in a restaurant. The waiter was very rude but YWBU!

VerySmallSqueak Sat 23-Mar-13 18:17:47

Do people not let their babies of 13 months feed themselves then?

(genuine question - because I can't see how a baby this age eating can be a clean process whether it's off a plate or a highchair tray)

Isn't that what the tray is for? <baffled>

VerySmallSqueak Sat 23-Mar-13 18:22:08

That's where I am confused Twelve as I honestly cannot see the difference between a clean highchair tray and a clean plate,except that with a plate the whole lot can go on the floor in one go.

dotcomlovenest Sat 23-Mar-13 18:22:23

Ummm do this in all places its how all babies eat. I would not have been paying for that meal outrageous.

catgirl1976 Sat 23-Mar-13 18:22:24

YANBU at all

What a rude rude person

I do this. I don't trust DS with china yet. I clean trays first and clean up afterwards

I would complain strongly

SecretLindtBunny Sat 23-Mar-13 18:22:59


I really hope you or DH are writing a letter of complaint to the owners of the business. That is shockingly ignorant and downright rude of him.

CatchTheFox Sat 23-Mar-13 18:23:36

"you cannot slop food onto a highchair tray" huh? why not? i genuinely don't see how this is a problem.
my oldest kid ate off his tray until he was old enough to have a plate without just chucking it everywhere. nobody was harmed in any way.

MajaBiene Sat 23-Mar-13 18:25:27

everlong, obviously you help them not to make a mess and you wipe the tray afterwards, but really at 13 months I would be surprised to see someone either giving a child a china plate or spoonfeeding a baby of that age.

crashdoll, what would you do in that situation - give the baby the plate and fork?

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Sat 23-Mar-13 18:25:30

YANBU in that the waiter was a rude twat. I don't put stuff straight onto the highchair tray myself usually (the odd sandwich after a wipe down or a pack of raisins- dry food basically) but I do take DS's own plate and cutlery when we go out for dinner anywhere unless it's MacDonalds.--

You should complain because the waiter was so incredibly out of order I'm almost embarrassed for the silly fool hmm

chickensaladagain Sat 23-Mar-13 18:25:33

they were bloody lucky you bought a meal for a 13month old rather than doing what everyone else does and just nick bits of the adults plates to feed to the baby

he was being an arse

My DD is 12mo and always eats off the tray when we're out. She is a ninja with tableware and can hit a moving target with a plate full of pasta at 30 paces.

Tell us where this place is mistressploppy and we can all have some fun!

MajaBiene Sat 23-Mar-13 18:27:42

If you tipped the plate straight onto the table then I can see his point, but I really don't see the problem with food on a wipe clean high chair tray.

DS is 2 now and I do mostly take a plastic plate and a little fork out with me.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Sat 23-Mar-13 18:28:48

Also I'd never bother attempting to feed either of mine by 13 months. They would never allow anyone too. The whole lot would have definitely ended up on the floor if anyone tried to help them! I wasnt/ am not even allowed to help! (DS is 21mths)

sjupes Sat 23-Mar-13 18:38:12

Ds is 16 months and whenever we go out for lunch he gets plopped in a high chair and his lunch is put on the tray in wee handfuls.


Ds is also a thrower/tipper when he is finished sometimes he does it when he's sleepy too. It's just safer for everyone if he has no plate ..

ArtVandelay Sat 23-Mar-13 18:40:19

Brianbutterfield - no, I meant for the sake of the DC. It doesn't bother me! I just remember high chairs in restaurants being filled with crumbs and grease. It sounds like you are not bothered by dirt that's your choice, just like its my choice to like things clean and tidy. I also don't find it a faff at all as I'm already toting a large bag of rubbish to amuse 3 DCs just so I can eat my dinner smile

God, how bloody rude. YANBU at all!

ENSMUM Sat 23-Mar-13 18:46:19

Why on earth should you not put food on the high chair tray? Surely, for the baby, the tray is the equivalent of their plate? Give them the plate and if the plate goes on the floor, so does ALL of their food in one go.

What a twat. DD2 feeds herself at 14 months as did DD1. If I give her a plate the whole lot goes on the floor. If I give it to her on the tray then a few bits will. As I'm invariably the one cleaning up the mess I know which I prefer.

The only way you can feed a toddler cleanly is to micro manage every morsel. I prefer to let them learn to feed themselves.

WireCatWhore Sat 23-Mar-13 18:47:58

When my toddler was a younger he refused to use a plate.

He BLW by himself, he refused to let me feed him.

So I'd have to use anti bac wipes when I was out & about on high chairs.

He was extremely rude. I'd complain.

sleeplessbunny Sat 23-Mar-13 18:48:35

I hope you forgot to clean the tray afterwards

IsabelleRinging Sat 23-Mar-13 18:48:42


If I saw someone dump a bowl of pasta in sauce onto the highchair tray I would definitely look twice.

Doesn't the baby use a spoon at 13 months? I never fed my dd like this, at 13 months she would have had a bowl and spoon and I would have had a hand at the ready to grab the bowl quick smart if she showed any sign of pushing it off or dropping it. I would have only put dry food straight onto the tray for her.

JacqueslePeacock Sat 23-Mar-13 18:51:52

We eat out a lot and ALWAYS do this with DS (now 18 mo, also BLW, still can't be trusted not to throw a plate). Absolutely normal and recommended for BLW. We have never been spoken to like that and I would have been HORRIFIED if we had. Please do write and complain.

pigletmania Sat 23-Mar-13 18:52:57

Yanbu that waiter was very rude and ignorant. What are highchairs for hmm. He was a baby once hmm so that makes him an expert on babies and weaning

forevergreek Sat 23-Mar-13 18:55:23

I can't imagine ever just plopping food on a tray!

Blw here also, but that's what a bowl/ plate is for surely. I wouldn't expect many to still be throwing plate on the floor at this age. Plate from 6 months means by 13 months they have been told several times to not throw and have learnt.

A highchair tray can't go into a dishwasher.

How do you all feed porridge/ soup/ risotto/ curry/ lasagne... The list goes on. It's sloppy and a lot different than a bit of food going on the tray/ floor. Sorry but I would be shocked also if I saw this out in a restaurant.

ENSMUM Sat 23-Mar-13 18:55:29

It is possible to use a spoon when the food is on the tray!

Pobblewhohasnotoes Sat 23-Mar-13 18:56:02

For all those saying the OP is BU what do you suggest?

My DS is 13 months and won't be spoon fed and likes to feed himself using his hands. The alternative is the plate ends up on the floor. Is that a better solution? I doubt it!

Some people are so precious! Yes food goes on a highchair tray, big deal.

Shocked? Really?

pigletmania Sat 23-Mar-13 18:56:52

forever my 13 month old with many other babies would chuck the bowl on the floor, at that age they tend to not have the coordination to use cutlery properly

pramdunce Sat 23-Mar-13 18:58:16

yanbu. My ds is 11 months and feeds like this, the onyl thing he'll allow me to actually spoon feed him is his special yoghurt, and even then he doesn't like being fed. If I put a plate on the tray, it'd be thrown. I wouldn't do it with pasta in sauce, I presume OPs pasta was plain. I'd worry it would stain the tray and make a hell of a mess of ds so wouldn;t order that int eh first place. But plain pasta, some raisins, fruit or veg? Go for it. I always clean up after him, and have never had anything but positive comments about how good he is at feeding himself. i think people who are horrified may forget how little 13 months old is. It is not normal at all to be feeding themselves nicely with a spoon at that age. Ime.

pigletmania Sat 23-Mar-13 18:58:40

forever not all babies are the same, they are still babies and are learning and yes at times the bowl will go on the floor along with the contents, you must have a very unusually compliant baby because not many i know are like this

ENSMUM Sat 23-Mar-13 18:59:27

forevergreek, not everyone has a dishwasher. Does that mean their plates are not clean enough to eat off? A high chair tray is perfectly cleanable (would end up in a horrendous state otherwise whether or not plates were used)

As an aside, our tray can go into the dishwasher

PDog Sat 23-Mar-13 19:00:04

YANBU. My 13mo eats off the tray or (shock horror) the table if the highchair doesn't have a tray. Give her a plate, even a plastic one, and it goes on the floor. Give her a spoon and the food gets flicked all over the place or she picks it off and eats it with her fingers. I have a pack of Milton wipes to clean before and after and I also pick up as much as I can off the floor. The highchair usually ends up cleaner then it was before we used it. I don't see what the issue is. The waiter was a twonk - complain.

ouryve Sat 23-Mar-13 19:02:53

We used to take the boys their own plastic bowls, since their food was always served on plates that were too hot (and DS2 went through a phase of refusing to eat out of anything but one particular bowl, anyhow). We also took antibac wipes, since those high chairs are always revolting.

gallifrey Sat 23-Mar-13 19:03:17

that waiter needs to learn to butt out!!

But... I always take a plastic bowl out with us when we go to a restaurant, as my dd (2) always throws things and even a childs portion is too much for her.

Fluffycloudland77 Sat 23-Mar-13 19:04:57

Name the chain so we can all boycott it.


pigletmania Sat 23-Mar-13 19:09:55

forever i would not expect a 3 year old to throw food on the floor at that age but a 13 months BABY yes of course. As I said some do not yes have the motor skills to coordinate cutery and for it to meet their mouth properly, some adults cant even master it. these are high expectations for a baby really, and judging by the majority, babies that age do throw bowls on the floor

forevergreek Sat 23-Mar-13 19:11:36

But restaurants do have a dishwasher. Having to scrub a tray from a staining sauce for example wouldn't be helpful. Most places would just wipe crumbs/ odd bits off

I don't think ours are unusually complient. I have worked with many many children across the world In my line of work, I genuinely have never seen anyone place a meal directly on a tray.

Learn a new thing every day I suppose

Traceymac2 Sat 23-Mar-13 19:12:28

Forevergreek I have to say in my experience having 3 daughters, a child of 13 months is not fully 'trained' and does not have a clear handle on what is good/bad or polite/inpolite behaviour yet, even when reminded on a regular basis. My 10 month old grabs anything near her and usually ends up dropping it as she can't hold things to well, I doubt this will improve greatly in the next 3 months.

pigletmania Sat 23-Mar-13 19:12:51

well thats what books encourage parents to do actually, to place food on the tray so that the babies can learn coordination and to feed themselves.

choceyes Sat 23-Mar-13 19:12:51

I have done blw with both of mine and eat out a lot. I only put dry stuff (roasted veg, fruit, plain pasta , pieces of dryish meat etc) but anything wet with sauce on I put it on a side plate and then I hold on to it while they eat. PITA but I can still eat my meal with one hand. Can't bear the mess and cleaning up afterwards of a sauce covered tray. Wouldn't bother me what anybody elss did though.
The waiter was very rude.

TartyMcTart Sat 23-Mar-13 19:14:58

YWBVU. Either a) feed your child with a spoon, b) give him a small bowl and spoon and he feeds himself or c) as a last resort put some pasta in a bowl and he picks it out by hand [shudder]

But hey, this is BLW for you hmm

pigletmania Sat 23-Mar-13 19:15:03

i tend to put dry stuff on the tray like chicken, potatoes, veg, chopped fruit etc but if its got a sauce i tend to give a little in a bowl and a spoon for ds to try and feed himself, and the rest i spoon it in. the bowl gets chucked usually on the floor

EeyoresGloomyPlace Sat 23-Mar-13 19:15:23

Wow, YANBU. How horribly rude, please complain that was awful behaviour on his part and totally uncalled for.

forevergreek I don't have a dishwasher, does that mean my plates and highchair trays aren't fit to be eaten from?

13 months is still very little, yes some can manage to spoon feed themselves by then but it is still a messy process and a plate is just another thing to be dropped on the floor, be it by accident or on purpose. Of course you were not BU to put his food on the tray, you cleaned it first and intended to clean it again afterwards.

There are some odd and downright rude people about.

dotcomlovenest Sat 23-Mar-13 19:17:49

I love it when people say in my line of work I never have seen it. I dont have a line of work and I see it all the time. Maybe your line of work is is particularily limited as to never have seen someone put there babies food on a tray. I do love how aibu turns nothing in to a massive you are a terrible mum thread. Thank god in this most people are being reasonable.

littlebitofthislittlebitofthat Sat 23-Mar-13 19:21:31

i had a similar ezxperience with one of my minded children. We took him out for Sunday Lunch (yes I mind at weekends) to the local carvery (nowt special) with my family. the LO was having some of my roast and i palsed it neatly on a small plate on the high chair.

now this particular child has an artistic temprement and likes to sexpress himself through food (!) if its not mushed into his hair, eyes and ears then he isnt 'getting the full sensation'. He's not yet two and he launched himself into the food with gusto. he may be messy, but he is doing his best!

a waitress came running over to see if everything was alright, 'only hes making a terrible mess'

I said, thats the way he eats and hes not bothering anyone else ( hes a musher not a thrower, tank goodness).

I said, dont worry, we wont leave a mess.

then dismissed her! well, he did spread the food all over his face and he ate some. we tidied up the mess, left it cleaner than when we arrived, juding by the colour of the babywipe when i cleaned the floor.

some people just dont think... but we stil chuckle about her overreaction!

HDEE Sat 23-Mar-13 19:22:03

I wouldn't do it in a restaurant, no. But then BLW always seems like mess on a grand scale to me. I'd spoon feed, then give baby a bread roll to munch on.

ChristineDaae Sat 23-Mar-13 19:23:34

Shudder at a baby feeding themselves with their hands?! I didn't BLW but at 13 months DD refused to let us feed her. I'd put bits in the tray at a time, meant she couldn't throw/ drop too much!

lovesherdogstoomuch Sat 23-Mar-13 19:25:34

jesus OP TOTALLY unacceptable behaviour from a waiter. you had a little baby eating from the highchair tray (which you cleaned). disgraceful behaviour from the restaurant staff. i would be fuming. write down the whole experience and go in and see the manager. outrageous.

FutTheShuckUp Sat 23-Mar-13 19:26:17

He was rude but I agree tbh, its not very nice for the rest of the restaurant to have to see you slopping pasta on the high chair tray whilst your child shovels it in with his hands- its a bit different to him eating finger food off the highchair tray

ChristineDaae Sat 23-Mar-13 19:26:48

Oh and I'm a waitress, people do this ALL the time and we clean our high chairs with disinfectant spray each use... Pretty much for this reason.

TeacupTempest Sat 23-Mar-13 19:27:19

Yanbu. He was being a dick.

We did this today and this thread has just reminded me that we forgot to clean the high hair tray after! Ah well we left a good tip.

MajaBiene Sat 23-Mar-13 19:28:21

Why is not very nice for the rest of the restaurant? Can't say I have ever noticed if someone else's baby is using their fingers or not, let alone been upset by it.

FutTheShuckUp Sat 23-Mar-13 19:30:17

I just dont think its very good table manners in public. Do what you want in your own home but in a restaurant dumping a plate of pasta on a highchair tray doesn't seem very polite really.

MajaBiene Sat 23-Mar-13 19:34:20

Society doesn't usually expect the same table manners from a baby as they do from an older child or adult. Children under 3 will often use their fingers to get food onto a fork for example, toddlers might eat with their mouth open, babies often burp and spit things out.

Just not chucking the plate, getting too much on the floor, screaming or vomiting is all most other patrons will expect in terms of politeness and table manners in a 13 month old.

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 23-Mar-13 19:34:21


Loads of people use the tray like they would a plate.nothing wrong with it at all I know the restaurant I frequent steams the high chairs after each use and I'm pretty sure they get high chairs in bulk and can also bulk buy replacement trays as the friend of mine who owns it very kindly ordered an extra one as a gift for me and when she gave it to me it came with 3 trays.

She said its because some food stains them.

Baby's eating directly from the trays is something I see so often I wouldn't even notice it. Its much more sensible than a plate being launched across a room.

lola88 Sat 23-Mar-13 19:35:07

thats how i feed DS he's also 13mo, infact when they have those wooden high chairs with no trays i put the food on the table. He would just chuck the whole plate of pasta on the floor which would be more mess as well as a waste of food what a prick

catgirl1976 Sat 23-Mar-13 19:35:09

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest

I like seeing babies eat. I don't care how they get it in their mouths or how much they drop. They are babies. If they are enjoying food and learning, that's marvellous

Mess is inevitable.

MajaBiene Sat 23-Mar-13 19:35:35

Maybe suggest the restaurant provides plastic plates and cutlery for their youngest guests?

IsabelleRinging Sat 23-Mar-13 19:37:46

lola? You empty a bowl of pasta onto the table, with sauce?

Pobblewhohasnotoes Sat 23-Mar-13 19:43:16

I see, the answer is to never go out, for fear that other people might see our babies making a mess. As obviously they sit and eat nicely with a knife and fork at the age.

zzzzz Sat 23-Mar-13 19:45:52

He didnt have a problem with the baby, his problem was with some of you being late.

He picked on the weakest person in the group because he is a bully.

I have 5 children and we traveled ALOT when they were little and no one has EVER behaved like that to us anywhere. He is an extraordinarily lucky prick because my Dh would have decked him.

Email manager and ask for a full refund and written apology from the little shit for being rude about your parenting. Tell us what they say and if it isn't VERY apologetic we will all go and mn them.

catgirl1976 Sat 23-Mar-13 19:46:05

The OP didn't empty a bowl of pasta with sauce onto the tray

She put a few dollops of pasta on the tray for her baby to eat.

TBH, when the waiter said "Is something wrong with the plate?"

I would have said, "Yes. It's china and hot and totally unsuitable for a child of this age you twunt "

IsabelleRinging Sat 23-Mar-13 19:46:21

Mess aside, I don't really get this BLW, why would you expect that your baby will prefer to put sticky, runny, foods like yoghurt, porridge and saucy stuff in with their hands rather than you spoon it for them? Some babies will enjoy being messy, but there must be some that will not want this stuff all over their hands. Do parents doing BLW refuse to spoon feed them full stop?

forevergreek Sat 23-Mar-13 19:49:56

I'm sorry but if we invited friends over for lunch and they poured bolgnaise for example onto the table I would have to say something. We have a 1 and 3 year old. Wooden highchairs at table with no tray. They have a mat and either a bowl or plate. Cutlery is expected to be used by 3 year old for his meal, and 1 year old will use for 90% with hand maybe for difficult bit like a stray pea.

I dont mind if food ends up on floor/ table/ chair during meal, but to start the meal with a mess seems a tad strange. When do you decide they are old enough for a plate? My mother has a tablecloth , would you just tip onto tablecloth? ( I know it gets washed but that's for odd bits not a great big korma stain!)

everlong Sat 23-Mar-13 19:53:47

Me neither isabelle
I've had 5 dc and fed them all the normal way.

I've always reckoned this blw is a big cop out for mothers that can't be arsed feeding them <runs quick>

BlackAffronted Sat 23-Mar-13 19:53:53


I fed all mine this way, even in public.

BLW id a fab way of teaching children skills.

BlackAffronted Sat 23-Mar-13 19:55:34

everlong, why would you feed a child who can feed themselves? hmm My DS managed just fine from 6 months, he had fun. Im guessing thats a bit lacking in your household wink

choceyes Sat 23-Mar-13 19:57:03

When I did blw I used a spoon for anything runny, just preloaded a spoon and hand it to them, they eat it and you take spoon back and repeat. Or just spoonfeed them if they are willing, I wasnt so strict maybe, especially after the first dc.
I did find eating out while blw when they were young pretty stressful though. Much easier to just spoonfeed and be done with it. It's not as easy as all the blw stuff would lead you to believe.

pigletmania Sat 23-Mar-13 19:57:17

i spoon in stuff like shepards pie, spag bol etc, mayby give a little in a bowl for ds 13 months to try and feed himself but with no big expectations. dry things are on the highchair tray. they will learn in time when they mature. i am not going to cause more work for myself giving a 13 month a bowl full of food and spoon and expect him to know how to feed himself with it. it will all end up on the floor and wasting it

MidnightMasquerader Sat 23-Mar-13 19:57:25

I can't image putting something like pasta directly onto a tray - I am no germophobe grin at the mere suggestion - but to me, this is grim.

I did BLW but wasn't a purist about it. I deigned to spoon feed when the food required it/was out and about, etc...

pigletmania Sat 23-Mar-13 19:58:44

maby dry pasta on the tray without the sauce

MidnightMasquerader Sat 23-Mar-13 19:59:33

OMG - the idea of pre-loading spoons to hand over and hand back makes me stabby like little else.

You can make things easy for yourself ... or ludicrously and unbelievably hard on yourself.

TwoPoundCharityShopShoes Sat 23-Mar-13 19:59:42

shock unbelievable!

Annunziata Sat 23-Mar-13 20:01:07

That's absolutely shocking. Please phone the manager and complain, you did not deserve to be spoken to like that.

I will admit my heart sinks a little bit when I see parents do it, but to speak to a paying customer like that shock

mummymccar Sat 23-Mar-13 20:01:34

YANBU! What is it to him? I'd love to see how he'd react if he gave my dd (12 months) a plate - plastic or not!
He was a twat, complain op!

everlong Sat 23-Mar-13 20:02:21

Because black at 6 months old they get more food on the floor, in their hair, on their clothes than they do in them plus I can't stand food thrown all over the place.

And how would you know that we don't have fun in our house just because i didn't do blw. Daft thing to say really.

IsabelleRinging Sat 23-Mar-13 20:02:33

So what does BLW teach them that conventional feeding doesn't? Not being obtuse, genuinely interested. By conventional, I mean spooning sloppy stuff for them with gradual withdrawal until they spoon themselves plus finger foods from the beginning for dry things. I may be being ignorant, but the only difference seems to be that wet foods are given to the baby without plates or cutlery and the baby is expected to get them in his mouth with his hands without adult assistance. How do you know your baby wouldn't prefer you to feed them?

SneakyNinja Sat 23-Mar-13 20:02:38

Some people are using ridiculous comparisons here. The Op did not smear an entire bowl of pasta sauce over a tableclothed table here hmm

FWIW, I BLW'd because both myself and my DS found it to be the best and easiest way for both of us. Really don't understand the confusion about a very simple difference in parenting 'techniques' I mean seriously who cares?

everlong Sat 23-Mar-13 20:03:59

But midnight what about the carnage you have to clean up?
Now that is making hard work for yourself.

ariane5 Sat 23-Mar-13 20:05:57


We don't eat out but ds2 10months eats from his highchair tray as if food is on a plate/in a bowl it gets thrown.

I think I would have cried if it had been me, I hope it didn't ruin your nice meal out.Some people are just silly.

MidnightMasquerader Sat 23-Mar-13 20:08:08

Exactly, Isabelle.

I did BLW, but once I copped onto myself and realised that a plague of locusts wasn't going to descend if I did BLW and spoon-fed when the occassion demanded it, it all became a great deal easier.

Letting a baby shovel wet food into its mouth isn't teaching it anything. Pre-loading a spoon and handing it over and taking it back to re-pre-load doesn't teach it anything though it does make you want to gouge your own eyeballs out with said spoon.

I let the DC play with a spoon when at home, and then adapted our style to include spoon feeding as and when, incl when out. They somehow managed to use a spoon with remarkable ease and the whole experience wasn't even more draining than it could have been for me. smile Win win.

5eggstremelychocaletymadeggs Sat 23-Mar-13 20:09:44

Its not a blw thing, ita a toddler feeding themselves thing.

There are pictures of me at a similar age with my food on the highchair tray eating. I had a little fork/spoon and also was using my fingers. My mum said as we were living in sardinia at the time it was just what everyone did with little ones.

If you have a highchair without a tray then no i wouldnt just put it on the main table that everyone is eating off but if its a plastic high chair tray, they clip on and off to be cleaned ans that is what they are designed for.

Ime the plates they bring a toddler portion out on are often too big to fit on the highchair tray or too hot. If as in the ops example the waiter doesnt like it perhaps he should tell his boss to buy small plastic plates and to not serve hot plates to a toddler.

Mine have all had a fork and spoon ftom 6mths and fed themselves, even sloppy stuff maybe with me shovelling the odd spoonful in. With soup i give them crusty bread they can dip and eat the soup like that.

When we have friends round with little ones i use a wipe clean table cloth, provide plastic plates, bowls etc and expect a bit of a mess.

When out i will try and minimise mess ie order something less likely to make a mess but i will clean up the highchair, pick up any spilt bits etc. Tho tnh dd is 26mths and doesnt make too much mess now, certainly nothing that cant be dealt with with a quick swish with a wet wipe.

MidnightMasquerader Sat 23-Mar-13 20:10:03

The carnage wasn't that bad. And it beat cooking and boiling and steaming and portioning and freezing and defrosting any day of the week. wink

I don't really get why anyone would stick to any particular way to wean over another. For me, it was mix and match and take the best hits from all methods.

choceyes Sat 23-Mar-13 20:11:51

I only preloaded spoons because dc1 especially only wanted to hold the spoon himself. He didnt like me spoonfeeding him at all. Dc2 was more willing so i fed her a few mouthfuls and then she refusedthe spoon altogether, and ate finger foods instead.

MidnightMasquerader Sat 23-Mar-13 20:12:23

I think the idea of it being grim for me is that it's a restaurant high chair.

I fed the DC directly on our antilop chair tray all the time. But would never do it in a restaurant.

elliejjtiny Sat 23-Mar-13 20:12:32

I did that with my DS's at that age, they were BLW plate throwers too grin.

5eggstremelychocaletymadeggs Sat 23-Mar-13 20:14:10

My dd very rarely let me feed her; hell she didnt even like me filling up the spoon for her.

Ds1 would sit like a little bird with an open mouth waiting for the next spoonful, they are all different but all had the opportunity to feed themselves witj a bit of help.

And if you start weaning at 6mths they dont need sloppy stuff, they can chew imo pureeing etc is more hard work. Just give them what you are eating, chopped eyc as appropriate.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Sat 23-Mar-13 20:14:14

I reckon people who don't understand BLW have a problem with mess...

Incidentally I used to spoon feed DS until he reached an age where he refused to be spoon fed. He wants to feed himself. Yes it's a mess, but who cares? He enjoys himself.

hokeycakey Sat 23-Mar-13 20:16:14


I cannot believe that anyone thinks otherwise "shocked" at seeing some pasta on a high chair tray seriously you people have nothing real to worry about evidently

OP put a small amount on the high chair tray didn't pour all the pasta with sauce onto the tray I have blw mostly but spoonfed porridge and soup etc, kids enjoy it and all have good table manners now

I bet you are so fun to be around tutting as other people do things that don't affect you in any way and hurt nobody

Also the floor is dirty did you not allow your kids to crawl either?

everlong Sat 23-Mar-13 20:24:14

pobble all mine enjoyed themselves too wink

And the added bonus there wasn't food everywhere.

zzzzz Sat 23-Mar-13 20:24:21

I don't want to freak you all out, but only a very small portion of the world use knives and forks.

5eggstremelychocaletymadeggs Sat 23-Mar-13 20:27:21

But blw doesnt have to equal food everywhere anyway. Its a small portion of food on the tray that will be eaten or just wiped up at the end of the meal.

I dont know what carnage people are imagining but it doesnt have to be very messy anyway.

MidnightMasquerader Sat 23-Mar-13 20:30:19

Well, to be fair, this thread is painting a pretty bad picture of BLW - what with people depicting plates flying and rooms generally under siege... grin

I didn't find it that bad, personally. The early few weeks were reasonably bad, but they get the hang of it sooner rather than later. Still far less overall faff than pureeing and all that rigmarole...

TarkaTheOtter Sat 23-Mar-13 20:31:17

Can't believe people would be shocked by this. I do it all the time. And on an un-tableclothed table too (although admittedly only dry stuff on the table itself). I have never noticed any funny looks - I thought it was what everyone did? I sometimes always wipe the tray down first. I think so long as you clean up after yourself what is the harm? Do people really get upset if they see a 13month old picking up pasta with fingers.

I reckon it's just those who are unreasonably defensive about their own weaning choices that would judge for this. Some people spoon feed, some don't - who cares?

TheSecondComing Sat 23-Mar-13 20:31:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IsabelleRinging Sat 23-Mar-13 20:31:41

zzzzz but they are a great invention, I never understand the persisting with chopsticks either when the fork and knife are clearly more efficient and a superior invention

MidnightMasquerader Sat 23-Mar-13 20:31:41

Christ, at the end of the day it's just getting a baby to eat food, it doesn't really matter how it's done. grin

Sirzy Sat 23-Mar-13 20:32:08

As long as everything is cleaned up at the end then why does it bother the waiter?

I could understand him having an issue if food was being launched all over the place but if he was sat in his highchair eating then no problem.

choceyes Sat 23-Mar-13 20:32:38

Yes you only put a few bits of food at a time. Especially if you are in a restaurant you cant afford to pile their tray with loads of stuff that might get chucked!!

MidnightMasquerader Sat 23-Mar-13 20:35:01

As long as everything is cleaned up at the end then why does it bother the waiter?

I think you will find this rarely happens...!

Pobblewhohasnotoes Sat 23-Mar-13 20:35:05

Everlong, nowhere did I say I did BLW. My DS simply refused to be spoonfed any longer about a month ago. What's the alternative? Let him starve, or use his hands? Plates get thrown on the floor, as do spoons.

I really don't get why it's a big deal. BLW works for some. The OP did not pour a big bowl of pasta on her child's highchair.

MajaBiene Sat 23-Mar-13 20:35:20

I didn't do BLW, but I still wouldn't think to spoon feed a 13 month old. In fact I would think it a bit weird/precious for parents to insist spoon feeding a child that age so they didn't make any mess or touch food with their fingers.

ClimbingPenguin Sat 23-Mar-13 20:36:17

DS refused to be spoon fed until he 13 months old. We had no choice but to BLW. At nearly 18 months he is getting quite good with using a spoon.

MajaBiene Sat 23-Mar-13 20:36:31

And as someone pointed out, the waiter asked "is something wrong with the plate" and there was - a big, hot, china plate is unsuitable for a 13 month old.

sausagedogfan Sat 23-Mar-13 20:37:26

OP I would have been RAGING at that waiter, the absolute twunt. You absolutely have to email head office to complain. And make sure you put in word for word what he said, as it's the details that make it so frigging offensive.

I can't believe how many people think the OP IBU. She didn't just dump the whole bowl of pasta out on the table. She put a little blob on the tray. Even if she had used a plastic plate there is pretty much 100% guarantee that her DS would have got just as much over the edge onto the tray (and then chucked the whole bowl on the floor).

We've always done it this way and no-one has ever complained. We always clean up after ourselves and usually the waiters / waitresses try and stop us but we insist.

We've just come back from a holiday where we ate every meal in the hotel restaurant for a week DS is 17mo, and he gets food everywhere. we gave him bowls when we could (ie he'll spoon yoghurt out), but most of the time it was put on the table in front of him. I always tried a plate, and it always got chucked (and caught by me). Several people commented on how good an eater he was, and the waiters loved him. I'm sure there were some sniffy people looking on disapprovingly but I frankly don't give two hoots smile.

VerySmallSqueak Sat 23-Mar-13 20:37:37

I don't know what BLW is (I'm assuming baby led weaning - but I don't know what that entails).

To me it'd just be common sense to put a bit of food on the highchair tray for them to eat,and I would find it quite beyond belief that anyone might object to that.

What a fuss over nothing!

everlong Sat 23-Mar-13 20:38:00

You said he wants to feed himself and it's a mess but who cares as long as he's enjoying himself. Blw in my book.

FutTheShuckUp Sat 23-Mar-13 20:38:39

Defensive about feeding choices? Purlease!!!
I just dont think its nice whilst eating out in public- sandwiches/finger foods etc yes chuck them on the tray- but pasta? No.
In your own home knock yourself out- theres lots of feeding practices that I would do at home but not in public not that ive ever licked the plate, oh no

Squiglettsmummy2bx Sat 23-Mar-13 20:40:27

My13 month old eats his shoes so not sure what the stress is about the high chair tray. He also thinks plates are frisbees so I'd have done exactly the same grin

everlong Sat 23-Mar-13 20:42:48

When mine were small they had plastic bowls that had a suction thing on it so it stuck to the tray.

Surely that'd be better than no bowl.

5eggstremelychocaletymadeggs Sat 23-Mar-13 20:47:10

We have had a few if those bowls everlong and they don't work, they can just be pulled off very easily ime.

Even if they have a bowl/plate they do drop stuff/spill stuff at times so good goes on the tray/table anyway.

SneezingwakestheJesus Sat 23-Mar-13 20:52:19

I don't understand people who don't understand BLW. Its just finger foods but extended to some main meals. My dd would eat mush quite happily when i fed it to her but as soon as it was time to gradually make it lumpier and get nearer to normal food, she would freak out the moment the lumps were in her mouth and then refuse the spoon after that. At the same time, if I plonked unmushed stuff like a load of pasta in front of her, fruit or a sandwich, she would eat it. Why would anyone push on with feeding half mush and struggling to get any in their child when they can put some in front of them unmushed and watch it get eaten? Some stuff would obviously stay on spoons (e.g. yoghurts) but for stuff that can be physically picked up, why not just let them get on with it if thats what they want to do?

waiter was very rude and you should get an apology or at the very least gim to be retrained.

the nhs actually now advocates blw as a preference to purees/spoonfeeding.
this attitude that some of you have towards babies not feeding themselves is exactly why my Boots newsletter told me that at 16mo I should be thinking about introducing a spoon to my dd for feedibg herself.
she has been perfectly capable of feeding herself with a spoon since 12mo. and has fed herself with hands since 6mo.
the reason the nhs now prefers blw is because weaning age is 6mo. when it was 4mo, babies were incapable of self-feeding, but by 6 mo they have enough dexterity to do it.
why stop your baby doing something that increases their dexterity? by doing so, you're slowing down or even retarding their development.

everlong Sat 23-Mar-13 20:57:01

That's funny sneeze because I don't understand why anybody does blw!

If they'll take it off the spoon why not do that?

What is the actual point other than the fact that you're not tied to the high chair?

Or is that the only point really?

louby86 Sat 23-Mar-13 20:57:28

I can't believe people are using words like 'shocked' about OP putting pasta on a high chair tray when what is shocking is the way the waiter behaved.

My DS refuses to be fed/helped with a spoon at 13 months old and I'd have probably done the same. Far less mess and no opportunity for a plate/bowl to be flung somewhere. The plastic bowls and plates with suction underneath are a great idea and do work with some children but not mine, we've tried everything and he always manages to pull them off.

everlong they do it because it is wholly unneccessary to spoon feed.

5eggstremelychocaletymadeggs Sat 23-Mar-13 21:00:50

Mine had a spoon and fork from 6mths that they used along with their hands, and lots of babies won't let you feed them, they often like to do it themselves. Sometimes I fed them a few spoonfulls but by a year most can feed themselves, they don't need to have someone do it for them.

FutTheShuckUp Sat 23-Mar-13 21:01:01

Has anyone actually said they were 'shocked'?
And I dont think many people have said anything other than the waiter was a prick..

Curtsey Sat 23-Mar-13 21:01:30

hoooooly shit can't believe this thread! I've met some rude waiters in my life and I've also been a waiter myself, for a long time, and fuck that, that's one of the rudest things I've ever heard or witnessed.

Does the restaurant always put giant hot china bowls down in front of babies? You've got to wonder how that works out for them?

I've an almost-14 month old and she eats exactly like another poster (*choceyes?*) said - plastic bowls at home, and when we're out, if there's no plastic bowl or plate then it's dryish food chunks on highchair and me holding bowl with one hand for anything saucy. Really would not bother me in the slightest to see a baby eating pasta with his hands from a tray. I have no policy or strategy it's just how it works out. I help her with her morning porridge and hold the yoghurt carton while she scoops it out with a spoon herself but it's mostly hands. I don't love the mess, not at all, but I don't see how it's done differently?! Surely that's not BLW it's just normal toddler eating. She is definitely not coordinated enough, at 13/14months, to sit and daintily carve up her meals with her knife and fork. Are many?

Letter of complaint, OP dear. Hope you're feeling better.

Sirzy Sat 23-Mar-13 21:01:40

Personally I don't see the need to label it beyond "feeding your child"

Some children like the purees, other prefer to have the food to feed themselves. Most fall somewhere inbetween. They all reach the same end point so why does it matter how other families do it?

Tailtwister Sat 23-Mar-13 21:02:19

The waiter was incredibly rude and I'd be writing to head office to complain. I hope you got his name OP. You cleaned the tray first, you were going to clean it afterwards, what was the problem?

I'm always amused by people who criticise BLW simply because it wasn't their choice to wean that way. Smacks of insecurity to me.

wrongsideoftheroad Sat 23-Mar-13 21:03:55

Everlong - I've never 'followed' blw, as such. But I'm a huge believer in self-regulating feeding and encouraging good appetite control. That's why I tried not to spoon feed mine (though would do when it came to messy stuff).

That's not to say that spoon feeding automatically overrides appetite control. But it takes a lot of effort to be passive when you spoon feed and always seemed easier to hand over the food to the child so they could feed autonomously.

You know, I don't really like to see parents forcing their children to finish a jar/bottle/plate of food until it's gone but I can hazard a guess that they may have their own reasons for doing so.

everlong Sat 23-Mar-13 21:04:04

Wholly unnecessary, to who? The mother.

And how does it make any difference to the baby.

Blw or spoon fed they'll still be eating the same as an older child/adult.

Tailtwister Sat 23-Mar-13 21:06:02

I don't see why this has turned into a debate over weaning methods. The OP is about the rudeness of the waiter, she's not asking for your opinions on how she weans her child.

landrover Sat 23-Mar-13 21:06:24

Well op the waiter was very rude to you! Were you 30 mins late by the way? Remembering back to when i had one that age, (i always asked for a cold plate btw), i can't imagine baby eating straight off high chair tray, only because it could have stained and then the restaurant get accused of dirty high chairs so i do sympathise with them.

And i would always feed baby myself so they dont make a mess in a restaurant that other people are eating in, thats just being courteous isn't it?

Thingiebob Sat 23-Mar-13 21:06:54

I had a highchair for my DD that had a sectioned inner tray that you slotted into the main tray for precisely this purpose.

Those of you freaking out - get a grip

YANBU, the waiter was horribly rude

And as for the BLW not being normal. Of course there is nothing 'normal' about a child picking up food and putting it in their mouth...hmm

everlong Sat 23-Mar-13 21:07:37

But you know as a mother when your baby/toddler is full. It's not rocket science.

I didn't do blw, all mine were/are perfect weight. Have no issues or problem with food.

Each to their own but I can't help but feel this is more about the mothers wishes than those of the child.

SneezingwakestheJesus Sat 23-Mar-13 21:08:08

everlong, did you even read my post? My dd wont take it off the spoon unless it is mushed. The slightest lump and she wont take another bit of food off the spoon and will eat nothing. She is nearly 13 months old which is obviously gettig too old to be eating food that is so mushed, mushed to the point of being as smooth as the jars which say 4 month + on them, and she will eat food with her fingers. Should I be feeding her puree still just to avoid mess?

wrongsideoftheroad Sat 23-Mar-13 21:09:22

"Each to their own but I can't help but feel this is more about the mothers wishes than those of the child."

I don't follow, everlong. You seem to be insinuating that your way was the right way for children, and that BLW is the wrong way. How so?

wholly unneccessary for both.
but they might not eat the same way later. a lot of children wgo were spoonfed became fussy eaters. I have a thing about textures myself - I can't stand it when food doesn't feel like I expect and I find it veryy hard to eat food that has different textures in one dish (eg bananas incustard, trifle, fruit pie, anything runny and fruity at the same time, fruit cake, anything squidgy (eg cheesecake) etc etc)
I was fed "the traditional way"

VerySmallSqueak Sat 23-Mar-13 21:09:50

But landrover my 8 year old dd still makes a mess at times (and my dh to that matter) but I don't spoon feed them wink.

landrover Sat 23-Mar-13 21:10:37

Whats this thread got to do about blw?

5eggstremelychocaletymadeggs Sat 23-Mar-13 21:11:04

Actually quite often if a baby is spoonfedits very common for apparent to just try to vet them to eat 'one more mouthful'. How often do you see parents doing 'here comes the aero plane' etc and encouraging their child to eat more.

If they feed themselves they stop when they are full.

landrover Sat 23-Mar-13 21:11:45

Fair enough squeak,do they use plates though? grin

everlong Sat 23-Mar-13 21:12:15

No sneeze I was just referring to the bit in your post that mentioned you not understanding those who don't understand blw.

VerySmallSqueak Sat 23-Mar-13 21:13:42

grin at landrover

(Only because they won't fit in the highchair....)

landrover Sat 23-Mar-13 21:14:51

lol at dh in highchair, squeek grin

Pobblewhohasnotoes Sat 23-Mar-13 21:16:39

Everlong I don't think you read my post either. It's DS's choice that he longer wants to be spoonfed. Should I force him then?

We have one of those suction bowls. He pulls it off.

landrover Sat 23-Mar-13 21:16:41

Especially after a few pints DH is a very messy eater!!!!!

Pobblewhohasnotoes Sat 23-Mar-13 21:17:09

*no longer

MajaBiene Sat 23-Mar-13 21:17:42

We're talking about a 13 month old though - however they are weaned at 6-9 months, by 13 months few people are still spoon feeding are they? You would expect a baby/toddler that age to be feeding themselves mostly, with spoon and fingers.

god if there isn't ebnough crap to carry around with a baby and a toddler withouthaving to factor in crockery and cutlery when you're going to a restaurant! ffs.

Tailtwister Sat 23-Mar-13 21:18:10

"Each to their own but I can't help but feel this is more about the mothers wishes than those of the child."

What a ridiculous thing to say everlong!

landrover Sat 23-Mar-13 21:18:45

I could do with a suction bowl for DH (muses about where to get a big one with a wine glass holder on the side!) wink

wrongsideoftheroad Sat 23-Mar-13 21:19:51

Btw, what's with all the mother basing everlong

"I've always reckoned this blw is a big cop out for mothers that can't be arsed feeding them"

"It's for the mother's benefit"

Don't fathers ever get involved then?

Lazy mothers. You tell em everlong.

everlong Sat 23-Mar-13 21:20:17

wrong about 10 years ago we were away for the weekend with friends, some of their friends turned up with a baby of about 7 months, they put her in the high chair, put the bowl of sloppy, mushy food in front of her and left her to it whilst they went off to read the paper/drink wine, I sat and watched this baby smear, throw, drop food everywhere.

After a while the father came and took her off to be cleaned. He hadn't a clue what she had eaten. Me and DH were just shock

unique all 5 of mine fed the traditional way too, they will eat anything. No problems in any way.

SneezingwakestheJesus Sat 23-Mar-13 21:21:25

Fair enough, everlong.

I still don't understand people who don't understand BLW though. Surely its not hard for people to get their heads round the fact that babies can pick up food and eat it, so why keep mushing it if they are ready to have it whole? I mean, way before we even tried it (I wanted to spoon feed her) I still understood the concept even though I didn't particularly want to do it.

wrongsideoftheroad Sat 23-Mar-13 21:22:27

So...what you saw 10 years ago. The one incident. That's what you've decided BLW is?

landrover Sat 23-Mar-13 21:24:36

Are we still discussing blw? or eating off a highchair tray? Still need to sort my DH out! wine

5eggstremelychocaletymadeggs Sat 23-Mar-13 21:24:50

Well.they were wrong for leaving a baby whilst eating, you should always supervise them.
Op wasnt leaving her child and most parents dont leave their nabies unsupervised. We all sit together at the table for meals but they fed themselves from weaning age with the occassional with spoonful fed to them. Why feed a 13mth old that is perfectly capable of feeding themselves?

Tailtwister Sat 23-Mar-13 21:24:58

I also don't understand why it's lazy to BLW everlong. IME it's far more work to BLW than spoon feed. If one method was to be lazier than the other I would say it was spoon feeding.

everlong Sat 23-Mar-13 21:25:09

No of course not. I was giving you one example to why I don't particularly think it's any better than spoon feeding.

landrover Sat 23-Mar-13 21:26:29

wine everybody have one! (hic) good thread though!

SW1XMother Sat 23-Mar-13 21:27:04

YANBU at all. I let my two year old daughter eat from the highchair tray all the time. What a tosser. I can not believe that he kept going on about it too. I would complain to the management.

5eggstremelychocaletymadeggs Sat 23-Mar-13 21:27:53

Its better for the baby to learn to feed itself. Even a 6mth old can feed itself and they are in control.of how much they eat. That is a good thing. Feeding fine if you want to/baby will let you. But they are capable of feeding themsrlves and by 13mths they dont need feeding.

everlong Sat 23-Mar-13 21:31:22

LOL I don't know why I'm frigging arguing the toss my youngest is 6 and can feed himself!

Off to bed wine

landrover Sat 23-Mar-13 21:32:22

Cheers everlong wine

5eggstremelychocaletymadeggs Sat 23-Mar-13 21:33:15

My.youngest is 26mths and can feed herself. My other four also feed themselves ansld did from 6mths.
No one is forcing you to do blw and you are past that stage so why does it bothet you how others feed their babies?

landrover Sat 23-Mar-13 21:37:38

How strange is this thread! The OP hasnt come back and nobody is talking about eating off the highchair tray anymore! confused

The letters BLW have a funny effect on some people. grin

Besides its not a proper AIBU if people don't go spectacularly off the point wink

landrover Sat 23-Mar-13 21:51:01

Ha Ha HotCross!!!! You are so right! This thread had driven me to drink!!! wine grin

well there you go everlong spectacularly misunderstanding the process of blw - with blw, you start off with soft to chew, large finger foods and carry on. you can give bowls of stuff with spoons (usually preloaded until they get the hang of it) later.
but no responsible parent would ever leave their child to get on with it without supervision because there's still a choking risk.

CoffeeOne Sat 23-Mar-13 21:57:16

YANBU! Please tell me you're going to officially complain! Not in any way his job to tell you how to PARENT your child. My 13mo eats off a high chair tray out in public all the time, I clean it before and after, as did you, none of his business and outrageously rude of him.

landrover Sat 23-Mar-13 21:57:55

Unique, I think im the only one left on this thread now (hic) wine and I have nothing of any consequence to say! grin Op s buggered off anyway, would you like a chocolate?

HerrenaHarridan Sat 23-Mar-13 21:58:13


To my dd plate = steering wheel
Bowl = drum ( once turned upside down)

I always do what you did and eat out regularly. I wipe tray put a bit on add more if she polishes that off.

May I suggest that you hand in your letter of complaint in person after a second meal. Once cool enough give dc the plate and look the other way while he tips it on the floor wink

landrover Sat 23-Mar-13 21:58:45

Aha Coffee has joined us! Wine or chocolate? grin

landrover Sat 23-Mar-13 22:00:10

Ah hi Herrena xxxx another one wine I think its time i went to bed! grin

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 23-Mar-13 22:07:18


The differences as far as the NHS is concerned is its better for jaws/teeth
The baby has more awareness about foods flavers ect as they get older than a purée fed baby.
The baby learns more about eating when they do it themselves

You tend not to have to get into the hiding food thing that lots of children do because they are more likely to just pick something up and eat it if used to different things so less likely to do the refusal thing where's as always having mixed in food can create a liking for blander none indervidual foods.

According to Nottingham uni its better for weight management and healthy food attitudes

How true that is I don't know but that's what they reckon.

DoJo Sat 23-Mar-13 22:15:48

Wow - it had never occurred to me that anyone would care whether someone else did baby lead weaning with their child. I cannot imagine why people would waste their time and energy disapproving of the way someone else's baby eats, but this thread has been an eye opener. I can't pretend I'm going to give a flying fuck if someone else thinks my perfectly happy son with a tremendously healthy appetite should be eating off a spoon, but now I

MyShoofly Sat 23-Mar-13 22:22:30

The waiter was waaay out of line - complain loudly to his superiors please.

Who cares what its called - its good for young children to touch food and feed themselves because a) its tactile b) fun c) interactive d) self regulatory and e) there is some evidence that allowing a child to explore food and be messy can lessen the chance that one will have a fussy eater.

landrover Sat 23-Mar-13 22:23:24

DoJo, thats about the first sensible comment on this thread !! grin

Thumbwitch Sat 23-Mar-13 22:30:17

God, how rude! And then the half-arsed "apology" - grrrr!

As an aside, hats off to MrPloppy for having been sufficiently indoctrinated in the Ways of MN to ask if he meant to be so rude grin

YWNBU. You cleaned the tray, you put some food on, you said you'd clean the tray afterwards. What, exactly is the issue? It went against his idea of "normal"? He'd better cop onto himself if he ever plans to have children.

So sorry your meal out was spoilt in this way!

exoticfruits Sat 23-Mar-13 22:34:16

My DS2 did exactly the same- only we didn't used to call it blw- it was just what babies did. The waiter said he was their messiest customer ever! However he said it to DS2 in a jokey way, and he had been really friendly all the way through. DS1 was very impressed to have his brother as the messiest customer ever!

exoticfruits Sat 23-Mar-13 22:35:01

We didn't clean the tray either- the waiter said it was quite alright.

Where do we stand on chop sticks?

Also I took my dcs to tapas bars when they were babies. Was I unreasonable to demand cutlery so as to set a good example?

Babies shouldn't stand on chopsticks obviously. That is to be frowned upon.

landrover Sat 23-Mar-13 23:00:30

Hotcross, have a drink wine

<<accepts wine>>

<<tips it on table and drinks with a straw>>

PurpleStorm Sat 23-Mar-13 23:07:10


The waiter was extremely rude. I've seen plenty of people put food directly onto highchair trays when eating out. And the waiter's daft, if he really thinks that a large, hot, china plate is suitable for a 13 month old child to eat directly from.

DS also tends to throw plates etc around, so no way could we leave a china plate on his highchair tray unless one of us was holding on to the plate at all times.

And FWIW, we ended up doing BLW with DS because he refused to take anything off a spoon unless he was holding it all by himself. Any attempts by us to spoonfeed him anything were met with a tightly clamped shut mouth, and him straining his head as far away from the spoon as possible. So we gave up on 'conventional' weaning very quickly, as it was getting us absolutely nowhere, and was clearly against DS's wishes.

DS will occasionally allow us to spoonfeed him some food now (he's 19 months now), but only if it's a food that he recognises as being something he likes.

I'd also point out to everlong that BLW parents are still meant to supervise their childrens meals, in case they start to choke on their food. You don't (or shouldn't, at any rate) just put food down in front of the baby and then wander off to do something more exciting.

SecretLindtBunny Sat 23-Mar-13 23:11:23

Why are you bothering with a straw, o weaselly one?

Bend over and lick it up!

OxfordBags Sat 23-Mar-13 23:13:39

Erm, Everlong, how do you think people fed their babies before spoons and puréeimg tools were invented? Or in societies now where they don't use Western-style utensils? You say you don't get BLW and no, you don't.

I mixed-fed DS, before you accuse me of being a BLW evangelist, btw. Sometimes he wanted me to feed him, sometimes he wanted to feed himself. BLW really does take more work. And was actually often mich less messy.

kungfupannda Sat 23-Mar-13 23:16:31

What a strange man.

We always do this, unless it's something particularly sloppy. If we give DS2 access to a bowl he will immediately up-end it over his own head.

If we let him do it himself, he eats perfectly well. Until he decides he has had enough and the only way to express that is to hurl a piece of pasta at me while shouting "Bye bye!"

We always clean up as best we can, although usually someone tells us not to worry about it.

landrover Sat 23-Mar-13 23:34:35

Secret and Hotcross, have some chocolate too, just dont make a mess!!!! wink

MidniteScribbler Sun 24-Mar-13 01:50:28

Waiter; 'no, but I was one once, and my mother would never have just put food in front of me like that...she'd have fed me properly'

You: 'It's a shame she didn't give the same attention to teaching you some decent manners, isn't it?'

smeeeheee Sun 24-Mar-13 02:12:34

What an absolute cock. I'd have been fired for talking to a customer like that when I was a waitress. Bellend.

everlong Sun 24-Mar-13 08:08:13

Oxford I don't need to get blw.
I've brought 5 dc up, feeding them the normal way. They are perfectly healthy, have never had an issue with food and of normal weight.

There is no better way. It's what suits your family.

Popsie3 Sun 24-Mar-13 08:21:05

Ditto everlong wink

MidnightMasquerader Sun 24-Mar-13 08:29:18

So what exactly is the 'normal' way, then?

Pilgit Sun 24-Mar-13 08:29:19

YANBU. I made some portable, non-slip, wipe clean mats for just this purpose. I'd leave a review about it on top table or trip advisor (or an of the other review sites)

everlong Sun 24-Mar-13 08:34:00

Normal for me is with a spoon and bowl.

DolomitesDonkey Sun 24-Mar-13 08:39:20

YANBU of course, however I don't believe for one moment your husband actually said "did you mean to be so rude?" I'm cringing on your behalf that you actually wrote that.

Emilythornesbff Sun 24-Mar-13 08:40:39

The waiter behaved like a bit of a fuckwit tbh.
Never mind.

MrsSpagBol Sun 24-Mar-13 09:02:26

And the judgey pants award goes to ......



everlong Sun 24-Mar-13 09:18:57


Yeah judgy for having a different opinion.

MrsSpagBol Sun 24-Mar-13 09:54:43

Totally fine to have a different opinion but calling yourself "normal" and thus implying people who disagree are "abnormal" is definitely judgey!

everlong Sun 24-Mar-13 10:03:41

Swap normal with traditional then wink

SneakyNinja Sun 24-Mar-13 10:20:10

I'll tell you what I don't understand everlong. Your point? Either the 'normal' way is easier and best and therefore all the thousands of parents that go down the BLW route are stupid or we only do it because we are lazy and it's easier. Which is it because it can't be both?
Why on earth you would give a flying fuck how other people feed their children when it causes the child no harm and you no inconvenience whatsoever is completely beyond me hmm

The reason you are being judgey and not merely having a difference of opinion is because you are not simply saying "I prefer this method because", you are making quite negative assumptions about the people that make different decisions to you. Anybody with an ounce of intelligence can see pros and cons on both 'sides' and indeed with mixing it up completely and doing your own thing ( which is what most people do).
I just hope that you are not as dismissive and judgemental with your own children when and if they decide to do something 'you don't understand' with their children.

SneakyNinja Sun 24-Mar-13 10:21:35

I'll tell you what I don't understand everlong. Your point? Either the 'normal' way is easier and best and therefore all the thousands of parents that go down the BLW route are stupid or we only do it because we are lazy and it's easier. Which is it because it can't be both?
Why on earth you would give a flying fuck how other people feed their children when it causes the child no harm and you no inconvenience whatsoever is completely beyond me hmm

The reason you are being judgey and not merely having a difference of opinion is because you are not simply saying "I prefer this method because", you are making quite negative assumptions about the people that make different decisions to you. Anybody with an ounce of intelligence can see pros and cons on both 'sides' and indeed with mixing it up completely and doing your own thing ( which is what most people do).
I just hope that you are not as dismissive and judgemental with your own children when and if they decide to do something 'you don't understand' with their children.

SneakyNinja Sun 24-Mar-13 10:24:11

Bugger obviously got too excited grin

On a side note.... I'm questioning whether this incident actually happened exactly like this. Please return and tell me I'm wrong OP?

MrsKeithRichards Sun 24-Mar-13 10:26:26

I blw, also did with ds1 just didn't know what it was called! I take a bowl out with us and transfer from our plates onto his a little at a time. It's quite easy. 2 of the places we frequent have nice little high chairs without trays, they pull right up to the table.

I wouldn't eat of the table!

KatieLily12 Sun 24-Mar-13 10:27:22

Oh lord. He is coming back as a termite in his next life.


It's annoying when some prick thinks they are wonderful enough to be able to patent your child better but they can't. You're wonderful. He's a donkey


Figgygal Sun 24-Mar-13 10:29:31

Bet he didn't get a tip!! Sounds like they were pissed off about u being late and he was venting in appropriately.

I would have rather chanced a small plate though than have DS eat off a restaurant high chair table they r grim!!

Pobblewhohasnotoes Sun 24-Mar-13 10:36:58

I've seen children with food aversions because their parents are neurotic about mess. In my job that is, not just randomly...

MrsKeithRichards Sun 24-Mar-13 11:11:32

Using a plate isn't neurotic!

Wiping a baby's face after every mouthful etc is. Plates are kind of normal.

OxfordBags Sun 24-Mar-13 11:44:15

Everlong, considering that the majority of Earth's parents do not currently feed their children with a bowl and spoon, nor have they ever done
until relatively recently in a fairly small percentage of the world, I would urge you to reconsider your definition of normal.

Oh, and what everything that SneakyNinja says. What's works for you is great; however, calling it normal and criticising other ways of doing it (especially when your way is actually the global and historical minority) is judgy.

You come across one of those people who get worked up over stuff that the tabloid media presents as silly, over-indulgent fads and you dismiss them and judge them without really understanding what they are, or being able to perceive your own choices in a wider context.

MrsSpagBol Sun 24-Mar-13 11:56:04

THANK YOU oxfordbags and SneakyNinja

Everlong - hate to break it to you but "tradition" is subjective. For lots of people in the world eating with hands or other forms of utensils (not knives forks and spoons) is standard.

Please get off your high horse before you fall off and hurt yourself....

Pobblewhohasnotoes Sun 24-Mar-13 12:22:30

When did I say using a plate was neurotic?

Pobblewhohasnotoes Sun 24-Mar-13 12:24:00

Which (I forgot to add) I don't use as DS throws them in the floor, food and all.

KatyTheCleaningLady Sun 24-Mar-13 12:30:57

I haven't read this thread, yet. It looks like it goes places because it's so long, but I'll respond to the OP.

I think feeding a baby off the high chair tray is perfectly reasonable! Babies throw plates and I don't worry about germs as much as some people.

Most importantly, that waiter is an utter fuck nugget.

everlong Sun 24-Mar-13 12:58:05

How am I making negative assumptions? I don't particularly agree with it.
That is my choice.
As I've said I've brought 5 children up feeding them however you want to call it - with a spoon and bowl until they could feed themselves with no negative consequence.

For me this was preferable.

All those who do blw must prefer it and have an opinion why it's better.

I weaned my children using a sling shot and a teeny tiny water cannon. It irks me when other people don't do it this way.

MajaBiene Sun 24-Mar-13 13:07:46

everlong, at 13 months would you really still be spoonfeeding and not letting them feed themselves though?

SneakyNinja Sun 24-Mar-13 13:10:30

"I've always reckoned that BLW is a big copout for Mothers that can't be arsed to feed them"

^^ That right there is the negative comment that probably got peoples backs up everlong hmm
You can't really claim that you were only stating what works best for you when you post ignorant and judgemental comments like that!

All this aside, I suspect the Op got exactly what was intended from this thread. A questionable story resulting in a wonderfully pointless bunfight. Nice one Sneaky you got bloody sucked in again!

I remember when I was young going to a cafe with my mum and my younger sibling. We ordered something pretty inexpensive as money was tight, and this was a treat that'd been budgeted for.

My sibling (aged around 18m at the time) promptly threw the plate of whatever it was (hot cross bun, or toast or something) onto the floor and broke the plate.

We were asked to leave, and to pay for the plate.

We had to walk home as the cost of the plate was enough to eat into the bus fare.

Whether or not any or your party were late has no bearing on how you choose to give food to your child.
I would have complained at length, and at volume to the manager.

Incidentally, my DD is just over 2 and is fed from high chair trays when we go out. I wipe them over myself first, and clean up after she's finished eating.

I can vouch for the op grin, she wasn't trying to start a BLW bunfight. I think she's off cowering behind her sofa though grin

SneakyNinja Sun 24-Mar-13 13:18:37

Haha ok hotcross

Op I apologise for doubting you but honestly, the cheek of that waiter is just unbelievable!

everlong Sun 24-Mar-13 13:19:23

That's what I said sneaky yes. A bit tongue in cheek but from what I've seen over the years yes I would say there is a bit of truth to it..

Because I can't see what other benefits there are??

And no maja I said that fed them by spoon till they could feed themselves.

lljkk Sun 24-Mar-13 13:26:55

OP has long scarpered so I'll never know this... Why did OP order a "large" plate of pasta for a toddler? confused

Me, I would have used the High Chair tray without wiping it first and only fed the toddler tidy food (no sauce), and I would hand over just a few scraps at a time to tot off other people's plates. I think that's more normal than tipping lots of contents direct onto the high tray.

I'm trying not to smell a rat, like lots of unmentioned mess on floor or smeared sauce everywhere.

iclaudius Sun 24-Mar-13 13:28:09

How ridiculous.
Personally I'd have called the manager the waiter was rude and its not his place to comment IMO
As for feeding baby off a tray of COURSE we would and we are seasoned parenters... It's not about BLW or lazy parenting - it's normal and natural! 'Use a side plate' someone suggested - if you want to break it . Op was being both cautious and sensible in equal measure

Op YANBU at all but I would demand a full refund today as your lovely meal sounds spoiled by arrogance and ignorance

PurpleStorm Sun 24-Mar-13 13:29:03

Well, as I said upthread, from our point of view, the main benefit of BLW was that the fact that DS would only eat solids if he was in complete control of what went in his mouth. Any attempts by us to spoonfeed him anything were met with a tightly clamped shut mouth, and him straining his head as far away from the spoon as possible.

So that left us with a choice of doing BLW or not weaning at all.

I used to stare in amazement at babies and toddlers who'd just sit there and open their mouths for spoons like little baby birds. I just couldn't understand why the mere sight of a spoon was greeted with such horror by DS when other babies were perfectly happy to be fed like this.

5eggstremelychocaletymadeggs Sun 24-Mar-13 13:29:54

They can feed themselves from 6mths tho. even with a spoon!!

The way I read the op was

that the food arrives as a unepected massive adult sized portion. So rather than send it back the op delt with it.

She owes alone state her 13 month old feeds himself nicely. Which I think means not lobbing wet pasta all over.

The waiter took issue with a plate not being used.

5eggstremelychocaletymadeggs Sun 24-Mar-13 13:34:53

She didnt order him a large plate of pasta, she ordered a childs portion but ut arrived as a large portion on a large hot plate.

And re benefits everlong there is a pist a page or two back about the benefits and why the nhs now recomends blw.

I did what is known as blw with ds1 (13) only it didnt have a 'name' then and my mum did the same with me and my sister, prob the only parenting method that my mum and i actually agree on!

MajaBiene Sun 24-Mar-13 13:40:02

lljkk - I've never specified the size of the plate I want a child's meal to come on hmm Even a small, hot china plate isn't really suitable for a 13 month old though.

everlong - so you spoonfed your children until the day they could feed themselves without making a mess or using their fingers? They never needed any practice at it, just by 13 months could feed themselves off a china plate with out touching the food or any risk or the plate being chucked?

iclaudius Sun 24-Mar-13 13:42:42

5 eggs exactly!! I fed my 20 18 and 16 year old babies the same as I feed my new one - sometimes a spoon - sometimes 'feeding themselves'

BLW is just a label and not what this op is about

lljkk Sun 24-Mar-13 13:43:33

Are you sure? I thought OP posted only twice and didn't say either time that she had ordered a child portion.

Anyway, most the rest of thread is baying for blood, OP should be happy with that.

PurpleStorm Sun 24-Mar-13 13:47:03

Incidentally, how does a child learn how to use cutlery properly without there being any mess at all?

Ds is pretty good at using a spoon now, at 19 months, but it's taken a while for him to get the hang of getting food on the spoon and then keeping the spoon right side up until it's in his mouth. There were plenty of occasions where he turned the spoon over too soon and accidentally dropped the food on himself or the highchair tray.

SneakyNinja Sun 24-Mar-13 13:48:41

Your points are extremely contradictory everlong

Either the comment was tongue in cheek or it wasn't
Either BLW only makes things harder OR you feel parents only do it because they are lazy
Either you are merely stating what works best for you personally OR you are making judgements on others.

FWIW, my friend and I weaned differently:

She prefered to put more effort in before dinner (i.e blending), I prefered to put more in after (i.e slightly more cleaning up)
She preferred the satisfaction of an empty bowl, I preferred the satisfaction of watching DS inspect morsels of food with his hands.
She preferred the convenience of jars, I preferred the convenience of giving food off my plate
She preferred missing out on a tiny bit of conversation whilst spoon feeding her child, I preferred missing out on a tiny bit of conversation whilst cleaning the tray after
She enjoyed feeding her child, I enjoyed feeding myself whilst watching him play/ eat

Both children ate, both children are fine. Both children are good eaters ( although hers is slightly more fussy but only an idiot would make an assumption based on one example right?) What's not to get?

iclaudius Sun 24-Mar-13 13:50:58

I really don't get the op bashing either - modem mumsner decrees she's looking for a fight hmm

everlong Sun 24-Mar-13 13:52:08

maja dare I say you're nit picking with me? Hmm.

I didn't do the ' plop the food on the tray thing ' , until they could hold their spoon I would help them.

What is the problem?

MajaBiene Sun 24-Mar-13 13:56:17

So in this situation where the plate is unsuitable, you wouldn't just put the food and a spoon in front of them? I find that a bit odd.

superkat Sun 24-Mar-13 13:57:17

OMG - YANBU at all. What a collossal nobber MistressPloppy I am incredibly impressed with the restraint you guys showed and hope it didn't wreck the birthday meal. Complain for sure if you didn't already.

So I have the luxury of knowing MistreesPloppy and her DH LordPloppy and if that's how she says it went down SneakyNinja, then that is how it went down.

To DolomitesDonkey yes, he absolutely would say that and mega cringe on your behalf that you would actually type that! Ouch - seriously, why?

Thank you all for the amusing thread...

everlong Sun 24-Mar-13 13:59:30

sneaky the whole point of my argument againt blw is that it didn't suit me and that I saw no benefit in it at all and yes it seemed like a more relaxed way of feeding.

I don't understand why you keep dragging up what I've said. hmm

Unless you're just after a bunfight?

everlong Sun 24-Mar-13 14:00:57

I don't understand you maja

Until they could feed themselves I would help them.

SneakyNinja Sun 24-Mar-13 14:07:54

Yes because bringing up a previous post as a way of validating my point is clearly a very underhanded tactic in debating.

Anyway, as I said before the post that caused the 'bunfight' as you choose to call it said nothing about your preferences but rather was an unfair swipe at thousands of parents including myself. You have since retracted the comment as merely 'tongue in cheek' so I see no further need to justify anything. You're happy with your methods, I'm happy with mine. Happy Sunday Peeps. This thread has run its course with me.

superkat Sun 24-Mar-13 14:10:03

On the subject of BLW, I really do think there's a lot of heat around normal / traditional (seriously - it was once normal and traditional to send children of seven out to work in factories and up chimneys but that's not a reason to keep doing it). When I told my Grandmother what we were doing she replied, "All of my boys were feeding themselves at that age, it's just normal." So I prefer to think of it as feeding kids. No dramaz.

This is a video of my DC3 learning to eat in the first month At the first meal you can see the lack of coordination and strength in her fingers and then how swiftly that changes as she gets going. As you can see a week in she's feeding herself soup and porrige from a spoon (which we have scooped and handed over on her request).

What I'm trying to say in my own clumsy way is we could all do ourselves a favour and accept that it's all feeding kids and not a battle ground. We make our choices based on the information and advice available to us. We all believe we are doing the best for our children, we really do. If other people make different choices they don't invalidate your choices. Really, there's no need to jump all over people doing things differently.

everlong Sun 24-Mar-13 14:13:08

Not a retraction at all. I put <runs quick> at the end of the sentence as a way of showing it was slightly tongue in cheek.

PurpleStorm Sun 24-Mar-13 14:18:56

everlong, you did add quite a few extra posts that seemed to back up the original "slightly tongue in cheek" judgy post.

MrsSpagBol Sun 24-Mar-13 14:23:17

This statement everlong:

""I've always reckoned that BLW is a big copout for Mothers that can't be arsed to feed them""

That right there.

everlong Sun 24-Mar-13 14:31:02

Bit late with that one spagbol wink

exoticfruits Sun 24-Mar-13 14:35:47

BLW is nothing new-it was just that it was a mix and you didn't have to remove some things out of the diet because it needed a spoon. It is never baby led-they still eat what the mother gives them and when the mother wants to give it. The only choice is whether they pick it up, as opposed to whether they open their mouth. My baby was the messy eater in the restaurant because he was using a spoon part of the time.

Welovegrapes Sun 24-Mar-13 14:41:28

YANBU - what a nightmare guy!

I have never used a plate for DS when out and about as the whole thing just goes on the floor. It would never have occurred to me that anyone would object. We clean highchair tray before and after and floor after.

Don't see the need for spats over blw / spoon feeding. We did blw as it suits DS. Other friends did puréed abd it worked for them.

KatAndKit Sun 24-Mar-13 14:55:39

Not getting involved with the debate but I have recently bought a mat that rolls up nice and small in my change bag, has rubber suckers, and is great for eating out as I have washed it and dettolled it already at home and can milton wipe it if needs be. I mostly do finger foods too as my baby can even make a right mess with puree, so at home we use the highchair tray and have done the same out and about (although would avoid doing it with spag bol that could stain their tray orange), but the new mat has made life easier. As you say, a bowl or plate would be emptied straight out onto the floor!

Khaleese Sun 24-Mar-13 15:25:11

I did blw, it's amazing lazy parenting! Great for baby, easy for mum.

It's win win, excluding the cleaning up ( if you don't have a dog :-) )

There was nothing wrong with what you did Op, waiter was an ignorant fool.

I think your mistake was not giving him a dressing down. He's paid to WAIT on you, not pass judgment. You should have reminded him of his position.

I waited tables for years as a student and would never have been so rude.

Meandmarius Sun 24-Mar-13 16:43:31

Have to say, I really don't get blw, purely because I don't believe a 6-12 month old could feed themselves a full meal if left to their own devices.

My DC only began to eat food put on their tray sensibly, rather than playing with it, at about 18 months.

I've only known a couple of blw babies and they were tiny. Could have been coincidence, of course.

Meandmarius Sun 24-Mar-13 16:45:25

Sorry OP, the waiter in your situation sounds utterly horrendous, by the way. What happened to 'the customer is always right?! Bizarre!

LiseYates Sun 24-Mar-13 17:31:05

OK, he might have been rude and could benefit from a course in customer service to address his abrupt attitude, but am I missing something, as I do think he actually had a point (even if he was rude!)
Would YOU just eat your food if it was dumped unceremoniously in front of you? confused
Why should babies be expected to eat off the table? Is eating off the floor OK then if you're taking that stance?
Nothing wrong with instilling table manners at an early age.
I'd have just asked for a smaller plate so it would fit on the high chair tray easily.

MintyyAeroEgg Sun 24-Mar-13 17:37:56

I think its a bit much to expect the childless to be tuned in to what seems normal to parents immersed in baby world. They don't understand about ignoring tantrums and other stuff like that ... and why should they? They'll find out soon enough.

My dc never ate directly from their high chair tray. We had bowls with suction pads underneath. If we were out and thought there was a danger dc might throw their plate then one of us would have kept a hold on it.

Coconutty Sun 24-Mar-13 17:56:59

Well, I think the waiter was a cunt but to be fair my first though was Eww, I would never put anything onto a restaurant tray unless it had been thoroughly and I mean thoroughly cleaned. A quick wipe with an anti bac wipe wouldn't do it for me.

At home, yes, in a restaurant never.

Khaleese Sun 24-Mar-13 18:03:32

Meandmarius...they so can! both of mine fed themselves well before 6 months, my first was 99 th centile all the way. There are loads of videos online of blw babies eating.

You are empowering them and really helping them to use those fingers.

18 months ....good grief.

of course it's more relaxed, it's letting the baby choose for itself what it will eat, the order it will eat it and how to handle it.
rather than having to cook, blend, scoop ea h and every mouthful up and make sure the child eats it. oh, and because they're not learning for themselves how to manipulate food, there's a greater risk of choking.

plus, it does have consequences on learning to talk - they learnlater how to move their mouth muscles, jawand tongue, which can cause delays and problems with speech.
it's not always been the way babies have been weaned, blw was more normal bbefore purees.

SatsukiKusukabe Sun 24-Mar-13 18:54:41

plates go straight on the ground if he had children he'd know that. ywb sensible. He was being a twat

Longfufu Sun 24-Mar-13 19:08:31

YANBU, you sound sensible!

somewherewest Sun 24-Mar-13 20:29:45

15mo BLWed DS has eaten straight off restaurant/cafe highchairs about a million times. He's survived grin. He likes cutlery but plates distract him too much.

blackcurrantjan Mon 25-Mar-13 18:46:44

I worked as a waitress and if I spoke to a customer like that I would be sacked on the spot. I hope you complained.

My DD always eats straight off the high chair tray. Its perfectly normal and natural. When shes finished shes covered in food and very happy. If she picks up germs well and good it builds up her immune system grin

ExBrightonBell Mon 25-Mar-13 19:30:57

Superkat, that video is fab and your dc3 is a cutey :-)

And the OP was definitely NBU! The waiter was v v rude. And wrong.

sausagedogfan Mon 25-Mar-13 21:04:46

We went out for a roast on Sunday. We put DS's food onto the highchair tray, and so did the couple next to us (with their DD). Noone batted an eyelid, in fact the staff were very lovely towards our food-covered children. Just the way it should be!

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