would you be upset by this teen behaviour?

(47 Posts)
honeymoonperiod Fri 22-Mar-13 16:29:31

Lashing down with rain here most of the day. I was on my way back from the friday shop around the same time as ds (13) comes out of school. Usually he doesn't mind walking back in the rain - it's only a 15 min walk - but it was so bad and I was nearby I thought I might as well pick him up.

Texted to say I would be waiting along the route. No response to text, I assumed he hadn't noticed it. Then saw ds and group of friends ahead of me, too far for me to shout. I drove a bit further down and drew level with the group wound down the window and called his name. He turned and saw me, the rest of the group turned as well, then he turned away without speaking and they all walked off. I could see the other boys talking to him and looking back at me but he didn't turn again.

I know your parents are embarrassing when you're a teen but surely blanking you in the street is taking things too far? As soon as he came in I sent him to his room - feel too upset to ask him for an apology at the moment - AIBU?

WestieMamma Fri 22-Mar-13 16:33:20

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. It's one thing being embarrassed by your parents, it's another being rude.

YouTheCat Fri 22-Mar-13 16:34:30

Sounds like pretty horrible normal teen behaviour to me.

Chat to him when you are calmer about manners and then warn him that you will embarrass the crap out of him if he ever does it again. wink

quoteunquote Fri 22-Mar-13 16:35:42

It's rude,

did he get the text? or was he caught unaware and just froze with the correct response?

have you already met his friends?

HarrietSchulenberg Fri 22-Mar-13 16:36:07

YANBU. Ds1 has done this to me and to my mum. He said later that he didn't see us but it was obvious that he did. No advice I'm afraid but at least it wasn't you that got wet and cold.

Think i would have been tempted to do a silly run down the road calling his name grin
YANBU he only had to say no i'm walking.

BellaVita Fri 22-Mar-13 16:37:38

If I drive past DS1 (15) when he is walking with his friends to the bus stop on a morning, he pretends not to see me.

Typical behaviour.

AgentZigzag Fri 22-Mar-13 16:38:03

He should apologise and you shouldn't take it too seriously smile

You've said yourself that you know they can get embarrassed by their parents when they're with their friends at this age.

I would have shouted 'MUMMY'S GETTING YOUR TEA READY SO DON'T BE LATE' after him grin

YouTheCat Fri 22-Mar-13 16:38:18

Do you have a pet name from when he was small? I'd be making all of his friends aware of it, ruffle his hair a lot and just be as annoying as possible.

I'm pretty sure it will cure him of his selective hearing.

Hopasholic Fri 22-Mar-13 16:38:24

YANBU. Mine hasn't quite got there yet and is still happy for me to turn up as long as all his mates can pile in too. I can remember being absolutely furious with my mum turning up at school though when I was about 15 as everybody took the mick.
Next time he does want a lift somewhere, tell him to find a friend to walk with grin

JamieandtheMagicTorch Fri 22-Mar-13 16:40:33

I know we are embarrassing blah blah and you aren't meant to talk to them when they are with their friends, but yep. I'd be pissed off too.

I think they are paranoid about doing something uncool at this age but it escalates into thinking the most basic politeness are uncool.

I'd calm down and ask him to come to an agreement with you about basic manners. Whether that is simply acknowledging you with a smile.

lljkk Fri 22-Mar-13 16:40:54

I wouldn't be least bit offended, I'd be pointedly reminding him why he could expect no spontaneous offers of lifts in future.

INeverSaidThat Fri 22-Mar-13 16:43:41

I would be cross about that and I would tell him off. I would let him know that if he pulled a stunt like that again in front of his friends I would give him something to be embarrassed about grin

I am really happy to ferry my DC's about but expect them to be very grateful IYSWIM. My DD once kept me waiting in the car and I told her off in front of her pals much to all of their surprise. coz I am usually lovely She has never ever kept me waiting since.

YellowandGreenandRedandBlue Fri 22-Mar-13 16:44:06

Rude. Next time he asks for a lift, look at him, then turn and walk away.

I'd have shamed him there though.

pictish Fri 22-Mar-13 16:44:50

Yanbu - it is certainly the type of thing that teens do, but it's also fucking rude, and a good opportunity for him to learn a lesson in manners and maturity.

I would not tolerate being dismissed so coldly.

claraschu Fri 22-Mar-13 16:45:20

I was rude in a similar way to my mother when I was 13, only to have my cool friends (whom I was desperate to impress) reproach me for being horrible to her. Now THAT'S embarrassing!

honeymoonperiod Fri 22-Mar-13 16:45:47

Aww thanks all - you've put a grin back on my face with your suggestions for getting my own back - sooo tempting! I do understand about the embarrassment and I have learnt not to intrude when he's with his mates but there's a limit to the thickness of my skin.

Just went up to talk to him - fast asleep! Bloody teens...

claraschu Fri 22-Mar-13 16:46:05

It taught me a lesson which I never forgot.

ihatethecold Fri 22-Mar-13 16:46:11

I think it's really rude. I would not be impressed if my DS did this.

Hope he makes you lots of cups of tea to try make it up to you brew

itshothere Fri 22-Mar-13 16:47:17

Yanbu but don't be upset. I'm not saying it's right or acceptable but it's typical teenage behaviour. It's not about manners and respecting you, I'm sure you've done a good job. It's hormones and peers. My DS has has behaved 'badly' once or twice in front of his mates. When I talked to him about it (in private) he really was quite ashamed. Talk to him later but don't take it to heart.

popcornpaws Fri 22-Mar-13 16:48:21

I think it sounds like an average 13yr old boys behaviour in front of his pals, I wouldn't give it another thought, it's only rain and he probably just didn't want to look like a wimp by getting a lift home so he didn't get wet!

AgentZigzag Fri 22-Mar-13 16:50:50

I know strictly speaking it was rude, but it can be difficult to keep it together with DC of your own age at 13.

It's OK to say he shouldn't care what his friends say and they're not worth knowing if they're going to be shitty about it etc, but for most children even the gentlest ribbing can be built up into huge proportions.

It's that horrible cringing stomach churning situation I remember well, and it probably happened so fast for the OPs DS that he didn't know what he should do for the best.

You're his mum OP, you must know he loves you beyond anything else and that your relationship has a bit of leeway for young teenage angst.

honeymoonperiod Fri 22-Mar-13 16:52:03

So what do you think - should I punish him with no laptop for today or just get an apology and leave it there?

AgentZigzag Fri 22-Mar-13 16:52:49

'Just went up to talk to him - fast asleep!'

grin

YouTheCat Fri 22-Mar-13 16:53:08

I'd go for the apology and make sure he knows what will happen if he does anything like it again.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Fri 22-Mar-13 16:53:15

I think the hard thing is that teens think they'll get ribbed for things they won't get ribbed about, but they'll never know what those things are.

honeymoonperiod Fri 22-Mar-13 16:53:39

Yes, he's usually pretty nice, I suppose that's why it shocked me.

AgentZigzag Fri 22-Mar-13 16:53:56

Just an apology and ihatethecolds suggestion of cups of tea made for you on demand all weekend.

honeymoonperiod Fri 22-Mar-13 16:55:18

Thanks again you lovely people - i'm going to go and wake him up to start on the tea duty! smile

magimedi Fri 22-Mar-13 16:55:55

I would go for the apology & I would also tell him what you might do if he ever does that again - one/some of the great suggestions of embarassment further up thread.

Startail Fri 22-Mar-13 16:56:02

A DF promised that if her DD ever blanked her like that again she'd think of something teeth curling my naff to shout at him from the other side of the road.

Given she has a wicked sense of humour, he had better beware, it will beblush

Schlock Fri 22-Mar-13 16:56:03

An apology along with a threat that if he does it again you will ask him to pick his pants up and or not to leave so many tissues on his bedroom floor, in front of his friends, should do the trick.

popcornpaws Fri 22-Mar-13 16:56:20

No don't punish him, mention how it made you feel and see what his response is.
You can't make him be sorry, he's growing up and you need to accept that he won't always do what you want him to!

Show him this website, and explain that you will be getting out the fancy dress box if he ever pretends not to see you again grin

Actually, [[http://www.waveatthebus.blogspot.co.uk/ this] is the blog with the full range of outfits - where does this guy get them from?

We try again, with add ]

Actually, this is the blog with the full range of outfits - where does this guy get them from?

INeverSaidThat Fri 22-Mar-13 17:09:22

I would have a chat and then decide if he needs a punishment or not. If he is apologetic and makes you lots of cups of tea then that is ok. Being a teen is all about growing up and learning lessons. If he learns from this then that is OK.

bigTillyMint Fri 22-Mar-13 17:11:36

Very rude, but not that surprising!

Having said that, if my DC ever did that to me I would be veryangry
Agree with Ineversaidthat

ChristmasJubilee Fri 22-Mar-13 17:28:21

I would be very annoyed with my ds's if they had done this. They have a 40 min walk and are always very pleased to see me if I turn up.

ivykaty44 Fri 22-Mar-13 17:31:32

tell him next time to text back otherwise you will dream up some really awful things to say that will make his face go the colour of beetroot and stay that way for a week

WorraLiberty Fri 22-Mar-13 17:51:07

That is beyond rude and not typical teenage behaviour at all IME.

There's no point in 'asking' for an apology though...he needs to offer one genuinely.

I'm 100% that you should talk to him and he should apologise.

But as for humiliating him in front of his friends?
No.

There was a thread a while back a younger child and the behaviour of an adult humiliating them (IIRC teacher)

So why would anyone humiliate their teen?
Just make sure he's aware and doesn't repeat.
(They are selfish little turds really, teen boys IMO. No malice in my son but he's the centre of his universe)

YouTheCat Fri 22-Mar-13 18:06:21

Embarrassing my teen is the only fun I get these days. grin

Midlifecrisisarefun Fri 22-Mar-13 18:27:46

Walk along behind/in front singing songs from a Disney/musical! I told my lot it was revenge for 'terrible twos' its amazing how quickly they fell into line
Humiliation? grin Maybe they should consider manners! Just because they are teens it doesn't follow that poor behaviour/manners should be accepted! selfish little turds are that way because the behaviour is enabled/accepted and excused.

saulaboutme Fri 22-Mar-13 18:35:21

yanbu.

Disrespectful. Please God don't let my kids ever do this to me as I will definitely embarrass them more than they will ever know!
ask him about it when he gets in. he was obviously ignoring you. He needs to apologise.

carabos Fri 22-Mar-13 19:38:47

IME, everyone else will think you are much cooler than their own parents, who are, naturally, beneath contempt. Your own child will regard you as lower than dust and pray nightly for your early death.

They will grow out of it eventually. Then, later, a new phase will begin which is much worse. This is the "can I come home for a few years weeks after I finish uni while I work out what I'm doing next" phase.
hmm.

Domjolly Fri 22-Mar-13 19:42:02

Personally i wouldnt put up with my 13 year old treating me like that

And i wouldnt want to set a trend that he can be rude when he is in company i seen this in action with other parents teen who think they can be little there parents when they are around there mates

You cant punsih now any way you have to punish at the time personally i would of parked up marched after ds and then he really would of been embrassed with what happend next

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