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to be sick and tired of the older generation..

(73 Posts)
WaterfallsOver Thu 21-Mar-13 14:00:46

Not really that sweeping, but specifically gps/parents of adult children who talk crap about how wonderful they were at parenting and how the current generation is failing. Recent examples:

-'my grandson is afraid of dogs, I would never have allowed that. All my children liked animals'

-'my gcs are five and can't swim, my dil just doesn't do much with them'

-'I saw a child watching a cartoon on an iPad while the parents chatted and ate dinner in the restaurant, it's lazy parenting, I bet the parents were really pleased when iPads were invented as it meant they could ignore their children'

Perhaps it's just my parents/pil and other gps I know who do this, I can't believe they were all perfect parents though, much as they think they were and throw stones now...

juneau Thu 21-Mar-13 14:05:50

When I think back to my own childhood I remember my mother being on the phone for HOURS every day to her best friend. Whenever she criticises my parenting, I make sure to remind her of that grin

Some of them need to take their rose coloured spectacles off....am sure their memory gets a bit hazy after a good few years. Selective memorising, that's what I call it smile

ElliesWellies Thu 21-Mar-13 14:08:14

Haha, my mum does this. She claims she wasn't a shouty parent. She used to shout all the time - neither my sister nor I took it seriously, it happened so often!

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 21-Mar-13 14:10:35

YABU.... You'll do it in due course. Just part of the circle of life... smile

HeySoulSister Thu 21-Mar-13 14:23:47

I have an adult child... I do it!!

She's 18 and some of her friends have babies.

My favourite is 'dd was weaned from 12 weeks and look at her now!'

It all changes so fast! I guess the older gen don't read up on the reasons and why fors when it comes down to it

Nagoo Thu 21-Mar-13 14:27:24

You forgot talking in sentences at a year old and being potty trained by 6MO.

Soon it will be our turn smile

Nagoo Thu 21-Mar-13 14:28:30

12 weeks? My Uncles were on beef pudding 'juice' at 6 weeks grin

I got this from my Aunt the other day, "mothers now have it so easy nowadays". She had SERVANTS.

TheNebulousBoojum Thu 21-Mar-13 14:37:50

Somehow this reminds me of the mother of the zoologist Gerald Durrell.
He was describing the challenges of rough camping in the jungle, and she said that she remembered well how difficult it was when they'd been camping in India and the elephant carrying the dinner service was somehow mislaid and they had to eat from tin instead of bone china and crystal. smile

My mother never reminisces about what a fantastic parent she was, and I love her for it.

Pandemoniaa Thu 21-Mar-13 14:49:58

My mother was brilliant. I remember her admitting just how hopeless she was with teenagers. In fairness, she had been. But she never dished out superior and unwanted advice (unlike former MIL) and it is something I avoid doing as a gm now. But then I fight against the whole idea of being the "older generation". In my head I am still 27...

MyBalletShoes Thu 21-Mar-13 15:15:23

DS is only 5 months but I avoid talking to DH's Grandad about him. Nothing we do is right, our parenting is 'ridiculous' hmm

What irritates me is, when it comes to feeding, sleeping in same room, age of weaning etc, we follow the guidelines of the day. When raising his children, he followed the guidelines of his day. Doesn't mean either was or is wrong, you just do the best you can do at the time, based on the information you have.

Here's hoping I remember this in the future and keep my own mouth closed! smile

PurplePidjin Thu 21-Mar-13 15:58:54

My Gran insists that all three of her labours lasted no more than 12 hours from the first sign and gas and air was taken merely to pacify the nurses.

Yeah. Right. She's 92 and her youngest is 55. Hindsight is a wonderful thing otherwise we'd all only have the one

BettyandDon Thu 21-Mar-13 16:05:28

My mother tells me off for feeding DD any form of treat. She says I and my brother just ate what was given to us. That may or may not have been the case, but I do recall as soon as I went to school the treats I used to get coming home from school were so amazing that I was the most popular kid on the block. I got a pasty/stickybun/empire biscuit AND a packet of sweets (fruit pastilles / jelly tots / tooty fruities / smarties).

My mum used to joke with my Dnana that whenever I had a tantrum or kicked off she would say that I was tired when 9/10 I was being a brat. Fast forward to my DS and my DM does EXACTLY the same thing grin u pull her up on it all the time but she can't help herself!

bangwhizz Thu 21-Mar-13 16:33:45

YABU because we never judge parenting on MN do we NOOOOO !!!

thebody Thu 21-Mar-13 16:39:56

It's what people do though isn't it? Depends on the degree of interference though. Thick skin and a sense of humour needed on by all generations.

My older 2 are in their twenties and constantly patronise me in a loving way. I mean what do I know of life? Bless them.

KitchenandJumble Thu 21-Mar-13 16:45:53

Don't worry. In 20 years' time, the current parents of young children will be doing exactly the same thing. In addition, all the guidelines will have changed, new concerns will have been raised, and the next crop of parents will look back in sheer horror at the parenting trends and techniques of 2013.

Froggy2013 Thu 21-Mar-13 20:59:33

http://www.thesundaytimes.co.uk/sto/newsreview/features/article1227006.ece

My mother cut this article out of the paper and sent it to me, along with a note about how she "couldn't agree more with the comment on buggies".

Her favourite one is "we just used to get on with it".

Froggy2013 Thu 21-Mar-13 21:00:12

http://www.thesundaytimes.co.uk/sto/newsreview/features/article1227006.ece

devon00 Thu 21-Mar-13 21:14:23

O yes my mil telling my 5 year old who has issues with toileting (poos) that dh and sil were trained at 18 months., or and he is naughty because he is allowed to get away with it.

b4bunnies Thu 21-Mar-13 21:18:01

just had a quick check... my adult daughter hasn't posted yet....wink

NigellasGuest Thu 21-Mar-13 21:21:01

I was potty trained at 3 months hmm

cory Thu 21-Mar-13 21:26:50

My mother was actually very good and sensible and moderate at the time, as I remember it. It's only in retrospect that she has developed this annoying perfection.

Her most annoying obsession is that money was ever so tight when we were little and she was always ever so careful with it and never spoilt us or indulged us in any way. Mildly annoying for me, having been rather worse off for pretty well all my married life. Very annoying for my (ex)-SIL who grew up in real poverty.

But it seems a family trait: my grandfather was always going on about the medieval primitive-ness of his childhood home, a place where, we were given to understand, you cooked off a stone hearth and 11 people dined off one herring. My aunt has been doing genealogy: we have the inventory of the house. Yes, his father had bad debts and it must have been scary for the children, but it wasn't some kind of medieval hovel.

paintyourbox Thu 21-Mar-13 21:30:51

Heehee when I was pg my mum told me labour was just like bad period pain and she didn't need pain killers.

she forgot the epidural!!!

Mintyy Thu 21-Mar-13 21:33:04

If you didn't mean it to be that sweeping why didn't you make a tiny bit more effort to create a better thread title then op?

<is of "older generation">

<hmph>

MrsDeVere Thu 21-Mar-13 21:35:07

for all her bonkerness my DM doesn't do this.
She wouldn't dare.
My memory is far to good.

PoppyWearer Thu 21-Mar-13 21:40:27

My Dad holds up my DMum as a shining example of motherhood and how her parenting is the only reason my DSis and I are so intelligent. 80% of intelligence is inherited.

Yes, I do remember Mum doing flash cards with us when we learnt to read, but I also remember watching a lot of TV. And I do mean, a lot. Today it would have been an iPad.

But bless her, she had to do all of her laundry in a twin-tub machine and cooked everything from scratch, being an early-believer in food allergies. This was in the early 80s and my DSis does indeed have food intolerances!

iago Thu 21-Mar-13 21:40:34

Until I tuned into Mumset a few months ago, I hadn't realised that babies had to be beastfed for years - mine for about 3 months exclusively and a bit more when I went back to work was seen to be good as 6 months was the magic time. I'm talking 1980s. Babies had to be placed on their tums and on no account to sleep with parent. Cot death risks both but different.
After about 6 weeks mine slept through the night. I don't remember leaving mine to cry, in fact I am sure I did not.
I am sure by the time my daughter produces, the circle will have turned. But I am planning to kidnap my grandchild regularly for a few hours so that my daughter can sleep. I am sure that need won't have changed!

PoppyWearer Thu 21-Mar-13 21:44:22

Oh and MIL makes huge sweeping statements about her skills as a housewife and mother, but conveniently forgets that she had daily help in some form or another (housekeeper, nanny, cleaner, etc) for most of it!

Whereas DH's 90-something grandmother is much more honest and says how hard we have it now, because in her day all of the big laundry, bedding and shirts, were collected and done by the local laundry! (I am now paying homage to her by taking mine to the dry cleaner. I reckon they knew what they were doing back then.). She also loved using our iPad.

abbyfromoz Thu 21-Mar-13 21:48:21

Hehe being old just means you think you have a license to say what you think...
We all judge and think we are better parents! We just don't always have the guile to say it! (Unless it's on mn!)

My nan is always telling me about how easy I have it compared to how she did hmm today's reason was because we have child benefit now, earlier this week because DH works nights so when DD was a newborn I didn't have to worry about him waking up while I did night feeds... Really nan? Really?

My sil does this. Her kids are 5 and 7. hmm

Creameggkr Thu 21-Mar-13 21:56:02

Well I had a strange experience.
I had a grandchild three yrs ago and was grandma know it all telling dil to do this and that and wearing my judgey pants often.
Then a year later I had a surprise baby shock
And had to eat humble pie. Dil loves to tease me about it when I'm struggling saying "well you told me to do it this way" etc. blush

exoticfruits Thu 21-Mar-13 22:13:47

I think that we all become our mothers as we get older! I used to think 'I will never say that!' And now I hear it coming out of my mouth!

thegreylady Thu 21-Mar-13 22:54:02

As you are now-that once was me...
As I am now so shall you be.
Just saying smile

OrWellyAnn Fri 22-Mar-13 07:29:48

Brilliant thread. my MIL is so guilty of this. She tried to tell me:

Labour was a doddle
None of her 3 EVER cried, I mean not once hmm
Forcefully holding the dummy in so they couldn't spit it out was acceptable, nay necessary!
her kids didn't do tantrums, or moodiness, sulking or rudeness.

And of course any incidence of less than perfect behaviour is because i am a crap parent who has spoilt my kids by co-sleeping and ebfing.

Silly moo grin

It's a selective memory thing. My mother claims that I never had a single tantrum. hmm

I am already starting to do this. When people on here ask about having four children under five, I find myself stating that it wasn't that bad, even in the early years. I have a feeling that if the 'me' of eight years ago were to read that, she would be tempted to give me a slap.

Noideaatall Sat 23-Mar-13 23:10:30

tee hee, my nan insists she never had to get up in the night with any of her 5 children as they were well trained. My aunt remembers it as just being ignored....

aldiwhore Sat 23-Mar-13 23:17:00

YABU.

I personally cannot wait until I am old enough to have rose tinted glasses and a skewed memory, I see it as a right of passage and will abuse it fully.

It is the right of those younger to be annoyed, the right of those older to believe they did it better.

I am not even going to wait until I am old to wear purple.

For everything the next generation gets right, they'll forget something the one before got right. For everything the next generation gets wrong, the one before will point out.

My mum is AWFUL for pointing out how great SHE was (indirectly of course) and I let her, because my children are far far happier than I remember being. Just ignore, roll eyes, and carry on.

When I was pregnant with dc1 dh and I had a meal with both sets of grandparents where we learned both if us were walking, talking and reading at about nine months grin of cours now ds and dd are here they are the most perfect, clever, wonderful a,axing children ever and I won't let anyone say otherwise

YouTheCat Sat 23-Mar-13 23:20:17

Tbh my dd (who is 18) only had 1 tantrum outside the house (maybe a couple in the house but not many).

I was visiting my mum (200 miles away) with her and her twin brother and we were all on our way to feed the ducks. She had a spectacular meltdown which set her brother off. So we picked the kids up and took them straight home. Dd had time out to calm down and she was sad that we hadn't got to see the ducks (went the next day). She never did it again. Her brother has very severe meltdowns due to anxiety because of ASD though, so I'm not claiming to be some kind of superparent. grin

dopeysheep Sat 23-Mar-13 23:21:50

"The elephant carrying the bone china dinner service was somehow mislaid"
I love this! How do you mislay an elephant?

Maat Sat 23-Mar-13 23:22:36

According to my mum, all 4 of us were potty trained before our 1st birthday.

Sadly, I think the concept of potty training in the 60s meant sitting child on potty all day.

LehmanSisters Sat 23-Mar-13 23:26:56

My personal favourite is 'well, we didn't pander to allergies in my day'

I find this is often followed by the infamous 'we just got on with it'

The other one that makes me laugh is the giving your iPad to your DC is apparently lazy parenting, but I remember being sat in the car of a pub car park for bloody hours with nothing but a packet of cheese and onion and if I was lucky a Panda Pop. Now that was f*&king lazy parenting!

Yep no pandering to allergies and all the children who survived we're fiiiine

I once saw dh's nana and had ds in a sling. She had just been telling me how she'd had a special pram made for her twins. On seeing my length of tied cloth she exclaimed that they didn't have these fancy gadgets in her day confused

Apostrophe is iPad not me!

LehmanSisters Sat 23-Mar-13 23:37:29

SPB I was out once in a shopping centre with my DD in a Mei Tai sling and a man in his late 60s/early 70s came over, looked the sling all over and declared 'what will they invent next? These silly new fangled things! You are going to suffocate that baby in there!'

Because Mei Tai's haven't been around for centuries or anything have they? ....oh wait, yes they have!

Skinidin Sat 23-Mar-13 23:38:14

My daughter still has tantrums at 18.

She saves them up until she comes home from uni.

But I'm waiting till she has a toddler to get my own back....grin

coralanne Sat 23-Mar-13 23:38:48

I don't think it's an "age" thing. It really is "the times we live in"

My DN had her one and only DS at age 45 (DS is now almost 3).

Her parenting style is exactly the same as a 20 or 30 year old first time mum.

The only think I find a bit diffferent is the length of time DC remain in nappies these days.

(Not that I ever say it to anyone.)

I think this is because "in my day" most babies were in cloth nappies and the sooner they were out of them the better we liked it.

Even the babies would get very uncomfortable when the nappy was the slightest bit wet.

bumperella Sat 23-Mar-13 23:39:26

I don't think "older generation" is worse for handing out advice than anyone else, TBH.
However, as this seems like a good place to moan about parents generally....my Dad claims that we "were not allowed to be fussy"(with food) and had to eat it or starve. Then later will tell me what a dreadfully fussy child I was, refusing to eat tripe and the like.

coralanne Sat 23-Mar-13 23:42:42

My DD and her DH are both very placid people and I find it very amusing when she chastises Miss 5 for "rolling her eyes"

When I told my best friend this she said "But DD used to do that all the time"grin

coralanne Sat 23-Mar-13 23:45:10

Bump My DM tells every one wht wonderful eaters we were and would eat anything on our plate.

No, no, no, When DM wasn't looking we would slide what we didn't like onto someone elses plate.

The oats also went in the bin while DM was racing around doing something else.

babyboomersrock Sat 23-Mar-13 23:52:18

The thing is, you younger mothers will find that future research will prove that everything you did was wrong too. It's the way things are.

And your daughters-in-law will roll their eyes - if you're lucky.

Me? I'm old, but my memory works just fine. I remember sitting nursing my first baby, dreading the arrival of my mother because the moment she walked through the door it would be "You feeding that baby again? Do you never put him down?"

When I became a granny, I knew I'd never be like that - my grandson's upbringing is his parents' responsibility; when I feel an attack of judgey-pants coming on, I phone a friend and we laugh it off, remembering how desperate we were too, to do everything right (according to the standards of the day).

I laugh a lot of things off these days; it's always best not to take oneself too seriously. In the end, as a mother I did my best, my old Ma probably did her best - in her eyes - and my children will do their best. And we will all have done it differently.

LehmanSisters Sat 23-Mar-13 23:58:19

BabyBoomer Oh, I know it is just the natural cycle of things. In time babyled weaning, attachment parenting or whatever the current 'in' thing is will be out of fashion again and we'll all be rolling our eyes at our DILs who are doing it all wrong the modern way!

1944girl Sun 24-Mar-13 00:31:19

I am a grandmother of five and am guilty of saying alot of these things.I try and keep my mouth shut but sometimes find it hard.
I was horrified when my grandson was brought home from hospital at two days old wearing a little denim suit-babies should be in proper baby clothes said I.Of course I was ignored.All of my grandchildren had dummies, I made my opinion known about them, then remembered that my DS2 could scream for England and I gave him a dummy to get peace and quiet.
I remember when my children were small and the remarks made to me by my DM and MIL. My mother had all of her children potty trained by 12 months, she nagged me because mine were 18 months and still in nappies.I can remember her ''holding out'' my youngest sister on a tiny potty at a few weeks old-honest.My MIL had her children eating mince and mashed potato at 3 months, I was constantly told this when she saw me feeding mine with strained baby food at 6 months. Even my father chipped in with his bit, he was fed on coffee in a bottle when a baby.My grandmother was fond of feeding babies what she called boily which was bits of bread soaked in boiled milk.Another of my mother's gems was to put a drop of whiskey in the baby's bottle last thing at night, we all had it and slept all night.
All generations tend to go against the modern way of baby care,I think it is we all consider ourselves to be perfect mothers and cant help interfering with the methods our own children use when they become parents.

babyboomersrock Sun 24-Mar-13 00:32:12

Quite, LehmanSisters. But I think that as long as we have the humour and insight to accept that, the generations will get along just fine!

My mother's problem was that she was pretty insecure about her own parenting methods (ha! rightly so, says me!) and saw my choices as criticism of hers.

LessMissAbs Sun 24-Mar-13 06:28:30

It was the previous generation which passed the Health and Safety At Work Act 1974 and are therefore responsible for much of the elf and safety based nonsense that has done so much harm to society since then. nuff said.

cozietoesie Sun 24-Mar-13 07:00:19

1944girl

My Grandma used to give me a small eggcupful of whisky ('for her gums') when she babysat for me. (None of this mealy mouthed drop in a bottle stuff!) For years, my poor parents could never work out how she managed to get me to sleep so much easier than they could. They thought they were inadequate parents.

grin

Ironbluemayfly Sun 24-Mar-13 07:06:48

I hate " We just got on with it." Such bullshit.

AlanMoore Sun 24-Mar-13 07:32:42

Yeah the H&S act is so rubbish, depriving all those people the chance to be killed or seriously injured hmm

ChristmasJubilee Sun 24-Mar-13 07:34:08

My mother never criticised anything I did with my ds's. I'm sure she often thought it, but never voiced it. In the same way I never say anything to my dsd when I don't agree with her "methods" because it is up to her how she does it and they will all grow up just fine!

Maat Sun 24-Mar-13 08:16:00

My mother never criticised me, but would just give "the look" which was exactly like hmm

DreamingOfTheMaldives Sun 24-Mar-13 08:25:59

I haven't experienced it yet as my PFB is still minus 5 months old but I have noticed it on Mumsnet - usually when people discuss BLW or purée feeding, lots of people pipe up with "it was just feeding your baby in my day, we didn't need books to tell us how to do it"

1944girl Sun 24-Mar-13 17:30:36

Hello Cozietosie

My mother used to talk about rubbing whiskey on the gums of a teething baby to ease the pain!.She aso had a cousin who was revived with brandy when she was born not breathing.

grimbletart Sun 24-Mar-13 18:15:34

I'm a gran. I don't have a bloody clue how to look after a baby. God knows how my dds survived. grin

PickledInAPearTree Sun 24-Mar-13 20:06:06

My mil does this all the time, when she told me a few years back she used to put her eldest in the garage when she cooked dinner.

Whilst telling me how I should be doing my own ironing/paying them more attention..

jollygoose Sun 24-Mar-13 21:17:34

think your talking b ........ waterfalls, as a gm myself as afre many friends of mine I have never heard any of then being critical of their ds or dds.
I klnow absolutely that my own dd i a better mother than I was and I think this is because she is more mature comin to motherhood in her thirties whereas I was just 20 and kn ew nothing. Alas there was no supernanny in those days.

LehmanSisters Sun 24-Mar-13 21:33:17

Jolly I think you must just have a nice set of friends then, if you have never heard them speak badly of their offspring or their partners and their parenting techniques.

My own personal experience, and that of my friends, is that the grandparents tend to be all too forthcoming with their opinions on what parenting takes place.

MINNACK Sat 30-Mar-13 00:32:41

i am going to get slaughtered for this
i love this website - BUT - all the abbreviations DH, DIL etc do my head in!
There are many people on here who moan about laziness - how about we write Husband, Daughter in Law - Son - Daughter etc etc etc
I am 45 and I cannot be bothered with this DH etc - in my mind - it is wrong!
all the best
m

sausagerolemodel Sat 30-Mar-13 00:38:32

Will dredge this thread up in 30 years and laugh.

sleepyhead Sat 30-Mar-13 00:44:14

My mum thinks her grandchildren are amazing. Much cleverer than her own children. She also lets them get away with absolute murder.

The other day she was telling me how odd it is that she used to be able to get a class of 30 11 year olds to behave themselves with just a look (ex primary teacher and she was shit hot at discipline) but her grandchildren just laugh at her if she tells them off. She is so soft with them though! It drives my brother and I mad because we remember what she was like with us and it's just not faiiiiir <stamps foot>.

But - she never criticises our parenting. I love my mum smile

WilsonFrickett Sat 30-Mar-13 00:54:17

So this seems to be the perfect thread to ask about my own dm's cure-all - cooled boiled water off a spoon.

Me: DS cries a lot, I think it's colic
DM: give him cooled boiled water off a spoon.

Me: DS is teething
DM: give him cooled boiled water off a spoon

Me: DS won't settle
DM: ach, you get the picture. So wtf is it with the cooled boiled water off the spoon? And why is the spoon the important bit???

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