to cook one meal and if they don't like it, tough.(85 Posts)
For the last 17 years DH has done the cooking. His hours at work have changed do now I have to.
I cannot be arsed with all this chopping and changing.
Dd2 only eats chicken, roast potatoes and chips.
Dd1 is veggie and won't eat potatoes in any form.
Dh likes meat.
I'm veggie. I like one pot lentilly stuff. Nobody else does.
This evening we have cauliflower cheese with roast potatoes and green beans. There is cold chicken for Dd2 and Dh.
Except Dd1 doesn't do potatoes and isn't mad keen on cauliflower.
Bollocks to them all. Picky bastards.
I plan on putting it on the table. If they won't eat it they can bloody well go hungry. Or eat toast. Or something.
I just cooked roast potatoes ffs. For the first time ever.
The ungrateful fuckers better eat them.
Its all very new to you isn't it?
I don't know what to say apart from welcome to my world.
Its how I grew up, that or nothing. We were never left to go hungry though we would just get porridge about an hour before bed.
In my house there is always a choice.............................
Take it or leave it.
And I don't know how old your DD is who will only eat chicken, chips & roasties, but that's not a very wide diet.
I have a sign in my kitchen
2. LEAVE IT
Having said that it doesn't work like that but if I'm in a really bad mood I refer them to the sign.
Sorry I'm a like it or lump it person...one meal which suits all. I'm not a restaurant!
Stick to your guns.
Yes Magimedi beat me to it, my house had the choice of take it or leave it too. DCs have both reached adulthood without starving and did become less picky in time
One dinner gets made in this house. If you dont like it you will be very hungry.
YANBU. I do offer a slice of buttered toast if DD won't eat what had been cooked for her but that's because she's 16mo and I'm soft.
So for 17 years your dh has done this and you can't be arsed now its your turn. Were you so concerned when your dh had to do it? You sound selfish and the dc s only eating this and that soun.ds ridiculous. No wonder children grow up thinking they rule the roost
No Way would I cook more than one meal!
Your family need to learn to eat a wider selection of foods.
Trouble is, if offered toast as a option - mine would often go for that, so I'm afraid, there are no alternatives here and they are expected to eat what I have cooked.
We tend to eat a variation on a theme if it's something not everybody is keen on. For example DH and ds1 like salmon so they have that with boiled potatoes, but Ds2 and I don't like boiled potatoes so will have breaded fish with rice.
I am happy to cook variations as I don't wan to eat something others like just because that's the only choice.
I only make one thing, (unless it's something that I know the DCs really won't eat like a v hot curry) they either eat it or don't but that's the choice. I've noticed that they eat very little when it's something they're not keen on and fill up on the days it's boring pasta. They're not starving and viewed over the week their diet is pretty balanced.
I will usually only cook one meal, but with compromises.
So, DS doesn't like ratatouille, but does like the roasted courgettes, onions, aubergines and peppers. So, I take some out and dress them, before adding sunblush tomatoes and passata and herbs.
If it is a meal only 3 of the 5 like, I will cook it less often than a meal that 4 or all of us like.
In your case, I would cook vegetarian food, but add meat for the meat eaters. You could, for example, make a meaty spag bol, along side a lentilly one. Or a chili sin carne next to a chili con carne. Or ratatouille with jacket potato, with a lamb chop for the meat eaters. Or a chicken Caesar salad, with avocado for the veges, but also with chicken for the meat eaters. (I know a traditional Caesar dressing is not vegetarian, but you can make a yummy vege one.)
It just needs a
lot bit of planning.
YANBU. I cook one meal and, unless it's a genuine hatred of it, thats all that's offered.
Oh I do a variety of dishes - we are all veggie. Dc1 & 4 eat pretty much anything. Dc2 not good at veg. Dc3 not good with carbs. Dh wheat free......I hate cooking meals.
When they were toddlers they used to have supper before bed (milk or a bf and a cracker or something) so if they had completely refused dinner then I'd slip a banana or a slice of toast in there too to make sure they were not hungry. The big ones are 6 and 4 now so they eat it or go hungry. Their choice. However, all I ever ask is that they try a couple of mouthfuls. If they have had a stab at trying it then they can still have pudding. Also, I work around the problem in some way. My kids eat most things (I have no idea if this is dumb luck or because I have never pandered to their whims) but for example ds1 hates potatoes so we do toad in the hole with mash on the side instead of just straight bangers and mash. He still has to eat a mouthful of potato but he has his yorkshire pudding so he won't go hungry.
I do allow genuine dislikes though, we all have those!
We are a take it or leave it house. For those who choose to leave it, there is bread, jam, wheatabix and the like.
It's a house, not a restaurant.
"Bollocks to them all. Picky bastards."
Unless you have thought this every night that your DH cooked for you and the kids YABU
BTW I agree with you
I am not running a bloody cafe, like it or lump it
I do compromise, i.e. DD2 doesn't like roast potatoes, so I do her a jacket spud. DD2 doesn't like mash, so I take her portion out before mashing the rest.
I am not messing about with different meals for everyone
All genuine dislikes will be catered for but otherwise it's take it or leave it.
I'm not running a cafe.
What's for tea? Followed by not again!
Two statements that make me so feckin cross. God I used to quite like cooking. Where do people stand on pudding? My dps mum always used to do pudding. So he always wants sometging else ans so do kids. Pudding equals more feckin clearing up. BTW yanbu
DH has always done variations but I'm not up to that yet.
DD2 has never eaten normally (aspergers, sensory stuff).
Tomorrow I'm doing lentils.
Or risotto. I think 3 out of 4 of us will eat risotto. DD2 can have chicken again.
yanbu I have only ever cooked one meal and you eat it or you don't
I cannot abide the moaning though. I have cooked something for YOU do not moan, go straight to jail, do not pass go, do not collect £200
YANBU. Can't abide fussiness.
I'm so pleased there are only 3 of us but even at that DS2 doesn't like:
Potatoes - will eat chips though
Cheese - will eat it on pizza though
and for his ex childminder
Tonight they have both gone out, I will be expected to cook on demand at 8pm/9pm. I give in. It's a like a fast food place, I was going to buy a dining table, no point when they are never here.
I cannot even offer TOAST, who would feel good about throwing their DC a bit a dried toast.
'I don't wike butter' meh.........
I was a child who hated what my parents ate and mostly still do.(big hunks of meat/frozen veg/jarred sauces so nothing actually horrendous just bleurgh to me). I managed to survive!!
Could you, DH and the kids sit down and do some meal planning where everyone brings a suggestion if 2 or 3 fave meals.
You could do a few different bits, put them on the table, and everyone can help themselves to what they like from that choice
Hopefully you'll find that the fussiest gradually become less fussy and try a few new things.
Good luck !
Enjoy the lentils tomorrow - if there's any left can I come over ?!
If your DP wanted to cook more than one meal or variations that was his his choice. We're definitely a one choice house. I'm veggie and do most of the cooking. I never cook meat but we eat well and I don't get complaints. If DP and DS want to eat meat when we're out that's up to them.
DH was pretty soft with DS when he was about 18 months and would be offering him choice after choice. DS thought this was great and would take a bite out of each and throw the rest. At nursery he eats everything that's put in front of him and they don't get choices. If they're hungry they'll eat. I'd just steer clear of stuff they absolutely hate.
I do take it or leave it. But your family (including you!) have a cultural norm of being catered to. I think to suddenly turn that off is a bit unreasonable. Presumably, if this has been going on for 17 years, your kids are old enough to do a bit of cooking themselves. Sit them down, tell them you aren't as skilled as their dad and discuss how you can all be satisfied without it sending you crazy.
Risotto good too
Good op i salute you for goig along with this madness for so long
Personally i am not running a Nandos and i dont take order if you dont want my dinner dont ea it simples
Personally i think you hve set you self up for fussy ness
YANBU. When I was a child I ate what was put in front of me and there was nothing else.
I wouldn't cook more than one meal when we are all eating together - but I do compromise a bit: just things like removing one portion of potatoes before mashing them, or holding back some carrots for the person who prefers them raw to cooked.
I have one of those things that divides my saucepan in 3, so if I am cooking a vegetable not everyone likes, then I can keep it separate, and then just sling some frozen peas in the other section so they all get a bit of greenery even if they'll only try one mouthful of cabbage or whatever.
I do try to cook things that everyone will like - or at least won't absolutely hate - or if I am cooking something that isn't universally liked, then I will cook it less often. I vary the proportions on the plates too - you get more of things you like, but you will get a bit of everything to try.
I don't insist on clean plates, but I do insist on at least trying everything. And I have ZERO tolerance for anyone saying bleurgh, or yuck or similar when served a meal. That is just plain rude and totally unacceptable.
I have been trying to persuade my family to eat veggie Slimming World meals for months.... I'd eat your lentillyvl one pot stuff OP.
YANBU to cook one meal for all.
I cook meals which I like (practically everything) and the rule is that you eat everything on your plate. I do give small portions and there are always seconds (and thirds) available, or they can fill up on fruit for pudding, but basically I am training them so that when they go to their friends' houses they are not the rude children who pipe up with "I don't like that stuff, it's yucky," as soon as they see a vegetable.
So far it's working.
I used to have the rule that they should try everything, but we have one picky child who could argue the hind leg off a donkey so every "try" ended up as a negotiation. So now it's eat or go hungry, and whatever you leave is served up to you for your next meal, cold and probably far more unappetising. I've only had to do this once.
Agree with the leave or take it attitude - it's madness otherwise. It's not a cafe. Don't fuss, just chat about the day whist eating. I have great eaters who mostly eat most adult type meals but it has taken a couple of years of training from about 6 months. I don't insist on clean plates but also don't give toast or pudding if a reasonable amount isn't eaten.
I think lentil and bean dishes can be quite meaty by the way. Why not alternate veggie and non veggie days - so fish, veggie, meat, fish veggie, meat and so on.
YABU for letting dh do it for 17 years, then moaning and stopping when it's your turn.
In principal I agree - 1 family: 1 meal, but it's something we've always done, and, like otehrs suggest, can cope with 'variations on a theme' for something they really don't like.
Don't know how old your dc are (?) but what solved it in our house was each of the 5 of us takes turns to cook the evening meal. Cuts the moaning completely. Means everyone has a turn when they get what they would choose. Could you do that ?
It's also one meal with me or nothing.
I do try to find meals that cater for most tastes, but I have a DS who only really likes chicken if it's a drumstick he can hold and eat with his hands, doesn't like beef (except mince) and who would happily eat bacon butties all the time if I let him (He does want to try horse and venison, he likes rabbit).
DD won't eat bacon at all, not keen on lamb but does eat other stuff.
However, everyone likes my macaroni cheese
I do insist that the DCs try new foods as they are introduced, at least one good mouthful. so far, they've been pretty good-natured about trying new food, and DS has decided he likes Mexican. Sadly DP isn't keen, although I'd do more of it.
Pork seems to be the one meat everyone likes in our house.
I agree with the eat-that-or-nothing. BUT my nearly 2yo DD frequently chooses the "nothing" option; the only veg she will eat is sweetcorn, carrots, and the seeds of tomatoes (but not the skin...) - basically if its not noodles or fruit then it's eaten v grudgingly if at all.
I'm not picky, neither is DH. I was brought up on the "eat that and if you don't have a clean plate you'll have it served for breakfast, lunch and dinner till you've finished it" school, DH was from the "lots of choice" family.
We only ever cook one meal, no fussy eaters here,
that would never of worked in this house, far better things to do than run a non profitable restaurant.
i wouldn't cook things i knew people didn't like. personally i think it sounds like an odd combo and apart from me i have never met anyone who likes cauliflower cheese.
do they all like pasta, rice, cous cous, bulgar wheat, bread?
and yes to the poster above, dh is the same and wants a 'sweet' every night. i just buy lots of individual cheesecakes/sponge puddings and tinned custard = no washing up
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Ours is a take it or leave it house. I do avoid genuine dislikes, but not to the extent to varying what I serve.
Those who finish their plates are allowed a small amount of ice-cream. I am aware this isn't recommended practice, but it works for us.
I sometimes cook a proper pudding on the weekend. It will be bakewell tart this Saturday if I have time.
I offer one option. DD comes across as being fussy becuase sometimes she won't eat. But she would refuse anything when she's in that "mode", be it broccoli or chocolate cake. I get really hacked off with any "ooh, such a fussy eater" comments when in fact sometimes she's jsut not hungry.
I think your dh has BU and pandered to their fussiness for too long. But now they've got into the habit, it might be hard for you to change them.
We are a one meal household, except for Friday and saturdays when the dc eat early because of clubs on a Friday, and Dp will have a relaxed evening on Saturday and eat quite late. We all put in a request for a meal at the beginning of the week before I do the weekly shop and all meals are generally eaten. No one has to clean their plate to get down, or to have pudding, but I do expect an attempt at all the different bits. I never cook things they wouldn't like (butternut squash for dd1, aubergine for dd2). Meals are never ever kept and reheated for the next meal. I think that's horrible. We've always been really relaxed about food and consequently we all eat a good variety of meals. Dsil is very controlling with her dc and food, its horrible to see her force feed her dc until they are gagging because they absolutely have to clear their plates. Every night. I think she's setting them up to have the same overearing problems that she has.
I would definitely only cook one meal however I would sit them all down and make them aware of this and ask for reasonable choices for meal times which would suit all of them.
I have introduced this since September. Dcs are 9 and 6. Was so sick of cooking 2 meals every night. Everybody gets their favourite sometimes. DH and I probably eat less spicy food than we might like, but the children's repetiore has increased.
OP, I think yanbu to be cross, but yabu in your proposed solution.
How about cooking batches of meals once every few weeks and freezing them in serve-sized portions? It would save time. Your husband could do his own.
YANBU take it or leave it, my DS cooks about four
shite different meals. Dh dosnt like ANY veg,kids are mega picky and ALL get catered for. The only thing they have in common is the love of crap junk food.
My mum used to hide cauliflower in my mash as if i wouldnt be able to tell! either way i had to eat a big portion of my tea and if i let it i had to wait for supper, which was toast or something.
One house, one family, one meal!
Eat it or don't.
I would never cook more than one thing.
I think its reasonable for a person to have 1 or 2 things they really don't like, and for that to be catered for.
Beyond that it's 'Take it or fill up on fruit' round here.
But OP, if you are veggie, do you cook meat? If so, then surely you will need an alternative?
Difficult to do one meal if half the family are veggie, or even one person....
In our house, I cook one meal and that's it. They can eat it or leave it, but there's nothing else.
However, I do try and take everyone's input on board when doing the weeks meal plan.
Also ds is fairly picky with veg (only really eats carrots, peas and sweetcorn - will grudgingly try a bite of some other types but point blank refuses to taste others). So in the interests of keeping him healthy, I do try and include a veg he will eat with a meal, as well as other types of veg - so if he won't try the others I know he's getting some goodness.
My other caveat is that they can have porridge or whole meal toast or a banana before bed, this is offered anyway - so on a picky day I know they will get something later.
I have 2 ds's. They eat just about everything. Ds1 not keen on salad, ds2 not keen on eggs.
I have only ever cooked one meal. I will never change. They both eat the as me and dh, chiilli, curry, all veg, all meals.
I have no idea how I would cope if like Op I liked meat, dh vegetarian, and the kids only liked one or two things. Nightmare.
our house has always been a one-option house. if someone didn't like it, there was always fruit, yoghurt, toast or cereal. my mum only cooked separate meals for me when i was vegetarian for four years (by separate, i mean cooking some food for me without meat in, and maybe adding some quorn or tofu instead).
Op, there are many many threads , people who have fusy eaters. I am sure it is not an easy road. But these people atleast try. Don't you have to try somethign 10 times, or something, before the body gets used to it? something like that.
Ds1 is aspergers and eats everything but salad. So, whilst I appreciate that your dd has AS too, lets not blame that for everything.
The fact your dd only eats chicken and 2 forms of potaotes, is nothing short of preposterous, ridiculous. I mean have you herad yourself say that? It's mad.
You really must try to establish variety.
I bet its hard. But this is crazy. Surely, you must do somethign here.
We all eat different stuff in our house as none of us like the same foods.
I am always on a diet
DH is a very plain eater
DS is very fussy and yes, I do pander to him
I am in the kitchen anyway doing my dinner so it doesn't bother me in the slightest. I have no desire to make DS something I know he won't eat - the wrinkled nose drives me mad!!
Horses for courses
To people who only cook one meal, what would you do if someone was veggie?
Dancer, I'd cook veggie we eat a lot of meat-free stuff in our house despite no one being vegetarian.
Or I'd alternate between
making inviting the veggie person to cook for everyone if it was appropriate e.g. an older DC or DP, and making 'picky' meals with things in separate dishes salads, pasta/couscous, cheese, meat or fish for those who wanted it.
What every day? So no meat at all? Ever?
To people who only cook one meal, what would you do if someone was veggie?
you can leave meat out of most dishes - take out a portion to cook seperately and add meat to the rest.
But things like shepherds pie, spaghetti Bol, meatballs, casseroles etc... Its not so easy is it? Surely that would involve making a second meal?
No, I said I might alternate cooking veggie with cooking meals with a few separate elements, including meat, so people could have meat if they wanted. Plus perhaps anyone who wasn't veggie could buy or ask for meat products to be bought for them to eat as snacks or if they were eating separately. And obviously people would eat whatever they wanted away from the house.
Although I don't think no meat ever is that horrifying a prospect really.
I only cook one meal, though I do avoid stuff I know they hate. I don't like fish so if I cook them fish I either just have veg or do myself some chicken or something. If I do them paella I add the seafood to theirs at the end.
DD doesn't like potatoes or cabbage, she still gets given them but is only expected to eat a tiny bit of them.
DS doesn't like beetroot, as long as he tries a bit he doesnt have to eat much.
I sometimes apply this rule to myself too by forcing myself to try a bit of their fish
Dancer girl - I'd alternate. On days where I was cooking a meat dish I'd make 2 meals but the veggie meal would be as close to the meat meal as poss so minimising preparing different things.
Well, as they say, Oblomov, 'If you've met one child with Asperger's, you've met one child with Asperger's.'
On the other hand, OP, your DD2 sounds a perfect match food-wise for my Aspie DS1. can we get them together
though he might steal her chicken?
Sensory issues here too, making it more 'can't eat' than 'won't eat'. I still bitterly remember the battle we had to get DS1 to eat potatoes in the first place, by starting with a single crisp and moving on gently through salted chips to overdone beasties...
Do you think your DH is partly to blame for providing variations for so long? (Not including the AS issues)
We are generally a one meal house too, but ATM just go for stuff we know the DCs will eat. Some nights DH and I eat later (generally eat at 5 as DCs' bedtime is 7) and we will save the more adventurous stuff for those evenings.
Well, if dinner has to suit two veggies, one general carnivore and an Aspie, I'd say that the minimum you could get away with is two meals.
When we go to visit veggie friends there is often nothing at all that DS1 can/will eat except the bread.
Loving the shock at not having meat cooked for you, ever!
I don't eat beasties and I won't cook beasties either. Not being awkward, I just hate the feel and smell of it If DH wants to cook meat for himself and DS he knows where the kitchen is, but he likes my food and has yet to bother. They somehow manage to cope with just eating meat outside the house, though even then DS, who is 2, doesn't really like it that much.
As for shepherds pie, spag Bol etc veggie mince is a good substitute - again, no complaints from DH, and both those meals are among DS's faves.
freak out of interest, if your dc didn't like fish either, would you also let them eat chicken?
Depends how bothered you are. If it was that bad id do bulk cooking and freeze portions to dish out as and when.
Loves -- one of the many, many problems with feeding Aspie DS1 was that there was nothing he would eat that could be stuck in the freezer and served up later in dollops. Drove me mad!
He is slowly, slowly getting better at trying things. But if he can't stomach something, starving him just doesn't work to 'help' him try it. He just gets (even) thinner.
OP, I feel your frustration! We are now in a more reasonable position where DS will at least eat the meat out of a stew rather than only meat-that-hasn't-touched-anything-else.
Meanwhile, would-be veggie DD eats the stew without the meaty bits ; and NT DS2 scoffs the lot
except for picking out every bloody onion.
PMSL at the shock of never eating meat, ever! Oh my God, the sky will fall in. Jesus.
DH is veggie so pre-DD we always ate a lot of veggie stuff anyway. When DD came along I made the decision to bring her up veggie as our family meals will always be veggie (I'm in the one-meal-for-all camp). When she's old enough to understand the issues she can then choose to have, for example, meat or fish sarnies, or meat/fish when eating out or at someone else's house which is what I do. But main family meals will be veggie. Why not? Cheaper, healthier, less impact on the environment, and when I do buy meat for me I can afford to buy ethically, which is important to me, I would hate to be in the position of having to buy cheap, horribly farmed meat because that's all my family would eat and we couldn't afford to do otherwise.
For spag bol / shepherd's pie we used canned puy lentils for the 'meat' which works brillaintly (DH hates meat substitute stuff). It really really isn't that difficult, or mind-boggling.
Dancer yes. DD went through a stage of not wanting to eat fish so we both had chicken or whatever and ds was given the choice of which he wanted to eat. Mostly though if they have fish I just have the veg and a couple of bites of fish to show willing, it's very rare that I am either organised enough or bothered enough to cook some chicken as well.
There's no need for sarcasm mrsoak. That may work for your family but lots of people eat and enjoy meat and wouldn't want to give it up. I cook a fair bit of meat, we probably don't have red meat more than once or twice a week but we eat chicken quite a bit, I make meatballs with lean turkey mince etc. We eat a lot of fish too.
Are you 'proper' veggies ie no fish? Does your dd not eat fish?
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
no meat, fish, non-veggie cheese, non-veggie jams etc, honey, sweets. Going to be tricky once she properly starts going to parties and things but certainly at home that's what we do, DH is a pretty strict veggie. Doesn't care what I eat, though he hates the smell of bacon and is unimpressed by cheap nasty battery chicken etc (but so am I), but he is not evangelical in the least. The decision about DD was mine, not his, though of course he was pleased.
And I'm not being sarcastic at all, it genuinely does make me laugh that people cannot conceive of having little meat/fish in their diet, in this day and age.
I got so sick of pleading with everyone to eat what I cooked and then throwing half of it away.
I did this: I asked my DH and the 2 DCs what their favourite meals were, that they would always eat.
I then did a menu and a shop and every week we eat more or less the same. it's occasionally boring, but everybody gets their favourite at least once or twice a week. When DH and I have a curry we eat after the kids have gone to bed as they don't like it,but that is the only concession I make.
monday- macaroni cheese
Tuesday Shepherds Pie
Weds- Tuna pasta bake
Thurs-homemade soup with bread and cheese
So much cheaper and barely any waste.
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