For not wanting my parents to take DS on holiday?

(105 Posts)
Somermummy1 Sun 17-Mar-13 22:41:16

I know this sounds ungrateful but parents want to take 5 yo DS on holiday with them

If he goes this will be his first holiday abroad, first time on a plane etc etc

AIBU to want to be there when he does those things rather than just hear about it later?

We can't afford summer hols abroad this year which DM keeps reminding me but would you let your parents take your DC on their first foreign holiday ?????

IsItMeBU Sun 17-Mar-13 22:42:29

YANBU I wouldn't let my 5 yr old go abroad without me

KatyTheCleaningLady Sun 17-Mar-13 22:43:02

Fuck it. Tell them they can take any or all of my kids, then.

WorraLiberty Sun 17-Mar-13 22:43:17

I'd let them because I trust them.

But like you, I'd much prefer to be there to experience the first time with them.

Why does your DM keep reminding you that you can't afford a holiday abroad for a 5yr old?

It's not exactly something they need is it?

Euphemia Sun 17-Mar-13 22:43:49

Abroad? No way. A caravan in the UK, yes please. smile


jellybeans Sun 17-Mar-13 22:45:41

No I wouldn't until maybe 12 plus. That's only with my parents and not in laws.

Nanny0gg Sun 17-Mar-13 22:47:30

Not at 5.
Too young I think.

thebody Sun 17-Mar-13 22:47:47

No i definatky wouldn't under any circumstances.

He's 5!!!! No just no for me anyway.

HollyBerryBush Sun 17-Mar-13 22:47:54

Wouldn't have bothered me, but I wouldn't deny my child opportunities presented because I couldn't afford them. That's plain selfish and smothering. You cant be there for all your childs 'firsts'

apostropheuse Sun 17-Mar-13 22:48:17

I personally wouldn't have had any problem whatsoever letting my parents take any of my children on holiday abroad with them, even if it was their first time. I don't really "get" the first time for this or that thing.

I would just have been glad that my children were being well looked after, were happy and that they were having fun.

If truth be told I would also have been glad of the break.

In fact, now that I think it, I think I would have kissed their feet in thanksgiving. grin

TheChaoGoesMu Sun 17-Mar-13 22:49:31

I don't know. I'd probably let my mum and dad do it tbh.

seriouscakeeater Sun 17-Mar-13 22:50:12

I would snap it up! Don't spoil it for dc let him enjoy his self.

Somermummy1 Sun 17-Mar-13 22:52:35


Not just me then

I do trust them. They're great with him but haven't got that same eyes in the back of the head thing going on. Not that DS would run off etc but can imagine DM being distracted for a minute and he's wandered off to look at something random and its all gone hideously wrong .....

And they want to take him to Italy where my dads from before my dad (83) is too old to travel .... So it's even harder to say no but on the other hand DS wouldn't give a stuff about statues and architecture

Duty as a daughter to let them is wrestling with mummy instinct not to!

thebody Sun 17-Mar-13 22:55:34

For me its bit the fact that its a first foreign holiday as an experience.

But who the hell wants to be without their 5 year old for possibly 2 weeks?

Just wierd.

Take him to Wales. Digging in the sand and sheltering in caves from the rain. Children's farms and finding crabs in pools.

Far far more fun than hours at the airport, hours on a hot coach, hours by a too hot pool or babysat by teens at a kids club.

And no mum and dad!

SashaSashays Sun 17-Mar-13 22:56:43

I'd let them, great opportunity for your DS plus good for getting that closeness with his grandparents. Plus a break of you.

I often let my parents take some of my DCs on holiday, they love it. I wouldn't deny them something because I couldn't afford it or wanted to be present.

IroningBoredDaily Sun 17-Mar-13 22:56:43

No way. I wouldn't let my 5yr old or 10yr old go abroad without me.

Somermummy1 Sun 17-Mar-13 22:56:47

Oops took me so long to type 2nd post I missed a load in the meantime

If he was older I'd be thrilled by the way .... It's not just the 'firsts' issue.

LadyBeagleEyes Sun 17-Mar-13 22:59:55

Wouldn't they be able to pay for you to go along too?

mysteryfairy Sun 17-Mar-13 23:00:39

I let my parents take my 2 DSs abroad during the summer holidays when they were the age of your DS. I really had no choice as it was two weeks of summer holiday childcare sorted and I was incredibly grateful. However my parents were mid 50s at the time. They were also going to my dad's home country and there were lots of relatives to share the load of the boys when they got there. I would hesitate to send a small boy with your parents as your dad is so elderly. It would not because of any preciousness over firsts but simply because I think that is too old to care 24/7 for a small child and I would worry your dad would get exhausted. However I can see why your dad wants to take his DGS to Italy and I think you may end up with regrets in future if you absolutely refuse. Would it be impractical for you to go to?

seeker Sun 17-Mar-13 23:03:27

Why is abroad so scary? Abroad is easier to get to than Wales!

Unless you live in Wales, obviously!

DeepRedBetty Sun 17-Mar-13 23:03:29

I'm not sure I could have handed them over for two whole weeks at that age. Now that they're 14 I'd be overjoyed if someone wanted to take them away... but none of the grannies/aunties seem to want to. sad

ThePinkOcelot Sun 17-Mar-13 23:03:37

No way, I wouldn't let my dds go abroad without me. Did you say your dad was 83? A tad too old to be looking after a 5 year old IMO.
If you don't want him to go, just say no.

Somermummy1 Sun 17-Mar-13 23:04:48

Yup if they wanted to. Also have soon to be 2 yo DD and they want to take him to city where DH and I got married so lots of reason to want to take him ourselves

anonymosity Sun 17-Mar-13 23:06:31

I agree about the 12 plus. My parents couldn't cope with my DCs full time for a week or more (kids aged 5&6) and would be very quickly tired out.

DragonMamma Sun 17-Mar-13 23:08:19

Dc1 is 5 and went away for a week with my dm and rest of the family - we'd already been abroad for 2 weeks and couldn't afford another holiday so I wasn't going to have her miss out.

I'm with holly - I don't get the obsessions with firsts either.

Tigerbomb Sun 17-Mar-13 23:08:37

My parents took my then 5 year old son to the States for 4 weeks!

I didn't want to let him go and I missed him every second of the day but I knew that I could never afford to take him.

I knew he would be well looked after and have a fabulous time. It woul dbe me that had an awful time.

Even now, 22 years later he still remembers that trip

I would. But then my parents are in their 50's not 80's. My grandma is 82 and in great health and goes abroad regularly but I wouldn't be happy to let her take ds who is 7 out on her own.

Nanny0gg Sun 17-Mar-13 23:20:21

Is your mum in her eighties too?

Too old imo.

Unacceptable Sun 17-Mar-13 23:21:32

My 5yr old wouldn't be taken anywhere without me for more than a day. 2 days at a heart wrenching push. Once they get older maybe but I'd say no. I'd feel very bad about it and shame for your parents etc but I'd still say no

bedmonster Sun 17-Mar-13 23:31:23

I would. My parents are still in their 40s though, I know they could keep up! And dps mum and stepdad are older but equally capable.
Do you trust them? How old is your mum?
Sounds like a lovely opportunity for your ds smile
No one has ever offered though, and now that I have 3 bloody dc, they're not likely to either!!

TheSecondComing Sun 17-Mar-13 23:36:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LowFlyingKites Sun 17-Mar-13 23:41:39

More than it being a "first", I wouldn't for the simple fact of what happens if he gets poorly/has an accident, you can't quickly drive to see him and make sure he's ok, as he's in a different country.
If you trust your parents, then a holiday here would be fine, but not abroad until they are of an age where they won't want you if unwell/something happens IMO.

landofsoapandglory Sun 17-Mar-13 23:45:05

I would've loved my parents to have taken my DC out for the day, nevermind on holiday, but they were too busy taking my soster's kids on numerous holidays.

LowFlyingKites Sun 17-Mar-13 23:45:06

But then, I don't know your DS. If he knows your parents very well and is quite independent, and you don't think he'd end up asking for you then getting upset, then maybe think about it.

But why can't you go along too? I know you said you can't afford one, but it seems a bit strange they're prepared to pay for your child but not you to go. It would be much nicer for you all to have a family holiday surely, unless she's trying to play mum to DS?
(Just guessing from the "you can't afford it" guilt trip comment not sounding very pleasant)

candyandyoga Sun 17-Mar-13 23:47:50

No no and no!

Granitetopping Sun 17-Mar-13 23:49:07


I think that at 83 your Dad is far too old to be looking after a 5 year old. You need eyes in the back of your head!


The 'firsts' thing would not be the main problem for me. My problem would be - he's 5, what if he gets homesick? They're in Italy and he would just have to wait out the rest of the holiday before they could bring him back. If it was a UK holiday, worst case scenario they could drive him back home and then go back to their holiday.

And as has been pointed out (and you are already aware of) at 83 your dad has absolutely no chance of catching DS if he decides to leg it to e.g. pat the nice doggie on the other side of the road.

LittleEdie Mon 18-Mar-13 00:05:02

No. Me neither. YANBU

SomethingOnce Mon 18-Mar-13 00:40:40

Yeah, the 'firsts' thing baffles me too. You can't expect to be there for the first bloody everything and what's so great about firsts, anyway?

I wouldn't. My Grandmother took me without my mother, along with her sister and my Aunt. I was about 9 or 10 I hated it, I missed my Mum even though I knew Gran very well and had stayed overnights since I could remember. It was just weird and I was not comfortable.

nailak Mon 18-Mar-13 00:45:51

yabu, imo this is a trip your daughter will probably remember her whole life. and this may be the last opportunity for her to have a trip like this with her gps.

I would let my mum take my dd on holiday.

WafflyVersatile Mon 18-Mar-13 01:05:06

Will they be staying with family with younger kids and younger adults?

Even so i would be reticent for several of the reasons already given.

A week or two weeks is a long time to look after a 5 year old at their age. It's a long time to be away from mum as a 5 year old. There may not be much in the way of entertainment for your dc or company of other children.

WafflyVersatile Mon 18-Mar-13 01:05:56

And it's not like he'll be OMG I'm so glad I went on holiday to Italy with my GPs when I was 5 instead of my parents when I was 6.

nailak Mon 18-Mar-13 01:50:08

he will if his grandad gets sick, they will be memories he treasures.

MusicalEndorphins Mon 18-Mar-13 05:25:06

* WafflyVersatile Mon 18-Mar-13 01:05:56
And it's not like he'll be OMG I'm so glad I went on holiday to Italy with my GPs when I was 5 instead of my parents when I was 6.
That made me laugh.

OP, ask them to wait until you can all afford to go together perhaps?

McKayz Mon 18-Mar-13 06:04:05

I would be happily packing their bags and waving. I trust my mum and step dad and I know my DSs would have a brilliant time. But my DM and SD are late 40's/ early 50's

Somermummy1 Mon 18-Mar-13 06:51:17

Thanks everyone

The fact that such a mixed response makes me feel so much better!

On the plus side - yes free holiday, memories for DS, Grandad gets to show him where he grew up etc

But he's 5. It's a different country so anything goes wrong (he's ill, my dad takes ill and they have to stay there, my mum gets ill and only person looking after him is 83 yo dad) he's a long way from home. There's a language barrier ... Yes I know s lot of people will speak English but its not the same.

Also this is Florence. Not Disneyland.

And it's where we got married so leaving aside all the other firsts which I may or may not be being precious about, showing him that is pretty important to me

Also - no not staying with relatives but would be hotel.

DM is in 70s and brilliant and a young in her 70s but even so

And DD Is nearly 2. A year from now all 4 of us will have the money and the inclination to go with parents as a family

And this wouldn't be a one off. DM already on about a cruise next and I haven't even said yes to this one!

Costypop Mon 18-Mar-13 06:56:33

I would let him go, ESP since you can't afford a holiday this year, it would stop me feeling so bad about it. I see nothing wrong to be honest

newbiefrugalgal Mon 18-Mar-13 07:02:46

Sorry think you are being selfish and DC is missing out. He will barely remember where he goes but he will remember a special holiday with grandparents.

Emilythornesbff Mon 18-Mar-13 07:03:39

Trust your instincts.

Somermummy1 Mon 18-Mar-13 07:12:10

Why's it being selfish to worry about him being in a different country and being ill, missing his parents/sister, being bored etc and not being able to come home ?

Or like someone has said wandering off for a minute to look at something that grabs his 5yo boy attention and not being able to find his grandparents?

exoticfruits Mon 18-Mar-13 07:20:10

You are using a lot of imagination there Somermummy, he might be perfectly well, perfectly happy, interested and not likely to wander off!

It all depends what sort of relationship he has with the grandparents, mine had a home from home with both lots at that age.

threesypeesy Mon 18-Mar-13 07:21:07

I can't decided if yabu/yanbu it's really each to their own.

I have let dd1/2 go on holiday with my dps from aged 3 abroad, they o2/3 times a year and love it. My dps are amazing with them,we trust them fully with the safety of our dds. Dd3 will start going next year aged 2 1/2.

We see no problem and it lets us have holidays just for me and dh. I think its a great opportunity and experience for your dc

AThingInYourLife Mon 18-Mar-13 07:22:57

I would not stop my 5 year old missing out on a really nice holiday with her grandparents because I was jealous.

I think that's an appalling reason to say no.

Poor kid sad

BinarySolo Mon 18-Mar-13 07:23:27

YANBU I wouldn't be happy about this and I really trust my parents, who are in their 60s. I just feel it too far away for too long. Also as you have a younger dd it would be nicer to wait the year so that she is included. Actually, I can't imagine my parents or pil even suggesting this.

When your dm mentioned the cruise, is that just ds she wants to take as well? Surely at some point dd should be included in the plans but I suspect 2 young children would be a bit much for them.

My older brother and 2 cousins were always favoured by my grandparents and even as an adult my relationship with them is very strained.

I tihnk YANBU, considering what you have stated.

% is very young, he will miss you terribly.

If it was for 4 days then maybe, but two weeks is too long. He is only 5.

I teach that age, the children miss their mummies by 2pm, and cry if they know their mummy won't be picking them up or won't be at home when they get home.

I had one 5 yr old cry every day all day because her mum had gone on a business trip for two weeks. It was heart breaking.

BinarySolo Mon 18-Mar-13 07:29:52

AThingInYourLife where does the op say she's jealous? I think she comes across as concerned rather than jealous. I don't think the 'first' thing amounts to jealousy, I think it's more wanting to be able to enjoy your kids as much as possible. Going on a plane for the first time is quite a big deal to a young child, and I understand why you'd want to share that excitement as he parent.

QuickLookBusy Mon 18-Mar-13 07:36:08

You have to trust your instincts.

When my dd was 5, I would not have allowed her to go on holiday with my mum and her H. I just didnt trust either of them enough to do the job properly. And I had very good reason. If fact they asked to take both DDs when they were 9 and 6 and I said no.

My step mum and dad, on the other hand-yes I would have let them.

You know your mum and dad, so if you think they won't keep a close eye on him, say no. I do think a couple on their 70s and 80s is pretty old to be responsible for a five year old. Do they spend a lot of time alone with him? They might not have thought through a whole week in sole charge of him.

TheNebulousBoojum Mon 18-Mar-13 07:37:50

I did, but she was 7. She had a wonderful time for a week that I couldn't have given her and the relationship between her and her grandparents is still strong 15 years later.
They did the same with DS when he was 7.
But I am not you.

AThingInYourLife Mon 18-Mar-13 07:38:15

The "first" thing absolutely does amount to jealousy.

Holding your child back from experiences you know they will enjoy because you won't be there to witness is unkind and possessive.

"He's not allowed to go on a plane until I take him on a plane" is quite obviously not about what is best for the child.

It's about his controlling mother.

Reasonable considerations are his safety and his emotional wellbeing.

I think if your 5 year old is happy to stay overnight with grandparents, and you are happy to allow it, and he wants to go, he should go.

cupcake78 Mon 18-Mar-13 07:42:29

I wouldn't like it. Tell them you can all go next year once you've saved up enough to go with them.

bakingaddict Mon 18-Mar-13 07:47:38

Have your parents ever had your DS for long periods of time. If they haven't then I think your parents are unprepared for the reality of caring for a 5yr old. If he regularly goes for weekend sleepovers then they will have some idea of the day-day practicalities involved. Only you know your DS and parents to make this judgement call but they do seem rather on the old side to be undertaking this. I do understand their desire for this holiday but dont indulge your parents if you have any niggling doubts about their ability to cope

My DS is 5 and sometimes goes for an overnight stay with the GPs but usually next morning after breakfast announces he is ready to be taken home to mum and dad.

Not sure florence for 2 weeks would be that exciting - there is an outdoor pool tho, and a huge park. Dd made us go on those horse things (mortifying and touristy, I'd taken her to show her where I used to live!) But we only did a day - ice cream, horse, look at crypt, back to la spezia and the fun!
I'd worry about his age, otoh if they are likely to pay him lots of attention, treat him like a little prince, he might love it! Does your dad speak italian?

littlewhitebag Mon 18-Mar-13 07:50:47

My parents have taken their DGC abroad on holiday every year for a long time. The two older ones (age 20 and 21) don't go now but my DD (age 15) and niece (age 5) do. My niece has gone with them for the 2 years, since she was aged 3. They all seem to have fun and although i miss my kids when they are away i know they are as safe my my DP as they would be with me. Let him go. He will have a ball.

Branleuse Mon 18-Mar-13 07:53:35

i would let him go. He'll have a lovely time

I trust my mum totally though

QuickLookBusy Mon 18-Mar-13 08:01:10

I assume that everyone who has let their parents take their dc away, trusted them to do a fantastic job.

The OP doesn't trust them to do a fantastic job, hence she doesn't want them to take her child.

exoticfruits Mon 18-Mar-13 08:17:57

I can fully see that 2 weeks away with a 5yr old might not be a good option but I really don't get the 'first time' thing and people denying their DC an opportunity because they wanted to do it with them first. That really is selfish. Worrying about a young child being away from you for two weeks isn't selfish.
Stopping a 10 yr old going to Florence with grandparents,if they wanted to, would be selfish.
I think it is a matter of what is best for the child and not what is best for the parent.

AThingInYourLife Mon 18-Mar-13 08:25:03

"The OP doesn't trust them to do a fantastic job, hence she doesn't want them to take her child."

More like the OP is jealously guarding her parental "firsts" and is using arguments about safety to justify her selfishness.

Her first post says nothing about safety at all. It's just bleating about how she will miss out on her parental rights.

QuickLookBusy Mon 18-Mar-13 08:26:26

It's certainly not selfish to refuse if the grandparents arent capable of looking after a 10 year old exotic. It's actually the opposite.

I would have loved a child free week when my mum offered to take my 9 and 6 yo. As she was an alcoholic, I said no.

Bananasinfadedpjs Mon 18-Mar-13 08:27:14

I would miss my DD - also aged 5 - if she was away for a long time away from me (she's never even been away from me overnight).

My DD has been on a plane many times because we live in a different country to our families, so it's hard to imagine how I would feel about the "first time" aspect of it. I don't think that would particularly bother me, although I probably wouldn't especially like for her to be so far away from me.

But I'm sure DD would have an absolutely fantastic time if my parents took her away, so I think I would probably let her go (I would be fretting the whole time though, but that's my issue, I know really that I trust my parents to look after her.)

exoticfruits Mon 18-Mar-13 08:31:20

I was assuming they were normal responsible grandparents- and I did clarify 'if the 10 yr old wants to' - by 10 yrs I would assume that they wouldn't be happy abroad with an alcoholic!

nicelyneurotic Mon 18-Mar-13 08:37:38

I would let them, but my parents are great and I trust them completely. It depends on the parents and the personality of the child.

seriouscakeeater Mon 18-Mar-13 08:41:44

I agree with athing the first op was all about firsts and not being able to afford it herself nothing to do with safety.
Green eyed monster I think!

INeverSaidThat Mon 18-Mar-13 08:43:02

I really really don't get the firsts thing. It is very PFB (sorry)

I would love the thought of a child doing something so special with their grandparents. I wouldn't feel left out at all.

However, if you can't trust them to look after him properly then they obviously can't take him. I presume that this means you also don't let them watch him in the UK. -- Either you trust them to watch him or you don't IYSWIM -- I imagine, if anything, that they are likely to be more careful with him overseas.

I would be far more inclined to agree if it were a long weekend rather than a week or longer.

wordfactory Mon 18-Mar-13 08:50:35

OP, are you sure you're not just coming up with all these worries to mask your real reason which is you don;t want your DS to do this without you?

Because I think that is a very poor reason to be honest.

ovenchips Mon 18-Mar-13 08:59:19

The thing is, if you are going to be, in my view, incredibly fortunate, and people are going to offer to take your child away, your child is going to have all these experiences without you.

And if you are reasonably sure (not 100% control freaky certain) your child would be safe and have a nice time, it is unreasonable to mind this.

I think the fact that it's the place where you married will not mean a lot to your DS at the mo. I honestly don't think it would take the shine off any future trips there with you, if that is important to you.

What it boils down to is whether you are willing to step back and allow your parents that responsibility. I've not read anything alarming about them, even though they're elderly.

If it were me, I would find it hard to be apart tbh but would want to do it because it is a potentially wonderful thing for my child and for my parents.

Glaikit Mon 18-Mar-13 09:00:07

I don't think the fact somer can't afford a foreign holiday is a reason to let her DS go. I didn't go abroad until my teens, I don't think I suffered as a result. DH was 32 before he first went abroad!

She has said in a year her whole family will be in a position to go on a family holiday abroad.

Personally, I won't let my ds go. But if my parents were really pushy about showing him their homeland I would offer a compromise tha of they pay for all of us to go we would then pay them back. Although Uou DD is only two and I think hats too young to go on a foreign holiday.

MamaMumra Mon 18-Mar-13 09:01:24

Sommer doesn't have to let her parents take her son abroad for a fortnight. It's not exactly their grand parental right is it?

I don't think you are being selfish or acting jealously OP. 5yo is still very young and 2 weeks is a long time to be away. I wouldn't hav been keen when DS was that age.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Mon 18-Mar-13 09:01:52

I would let my parents take DS1 abroad, he is 4.8.

But, we've already taken him abroad more than once, and my parents are hyper vigilant, maybe even more so than DH and I sometimes!

INeverSaidThat Mon 18-Mar-13 09:10:16

OP has not said how long the proposed holiday would be. There is a big difference between a long weekend and a two week holiday.

(Correct me if I am wrong grin )

angeltattoo Mon 18-Mar-13 09:26:07

YANBU OP, follow your instincts

at 5 I would have hated it, and not understood where mummy was

AThingInYourLife Mon 18-Mar-13 09:28:23

"Sommer doesn't have to let her parents take her son abroad for a fortnight. It's not exactly their grand parental right is it?"


Here's a clue: it's not about what is best for the parents or the grandparents, it is what is best for the child that should inform this decision.

Will the child enjoy himself?
Will he be happy away from home for so long?
Will he be safe with his grandparents?

There are good reasons to decide this is not going to work, but "waaaaah, I don't want him to have fun unless I can witness it" is not one if them.

wordfactory Mon 18-Mar-13 09:29:49

None of us have to do anyhting for our DC. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't.

APipkinOfPepper Mon 18-Mar-13 09:36:26

Personally I wouldn't be happy letting my (almost) 5yo go on holiday without me or DH - but that is because he still sometimes wakes in the night and wants me or DH, and he's not spent a night without one of us being there yet, even with gps. But that is my DS - if your parents regularly have your DC for days out / overnight stays already then that is different. However, as other posters have said, it does depend on how long it is for - I wouldn't want to go from the odd overnight stay straight to two weeks abroad I don't think!

BlueberryHill Mon 18-Mar-13 09:36:38

I think 83 yo is too old to look after a 5 yo for a week or more, especially just in a hotel room. If he is anything like my 6 yo, who has so much energy DH and I have trouble keeping up. We have to make sure that he gets out each day and runs some steam off, often all day.

My PILs have suggested that they take DS1 away, to their own apartment abroad. I have said no for a number of reasons,
- FIL is nearly 80 and finds the trip itself tiring, let alone looking after a child, MIL would say that she could do it, but she over estimates what they can do and they under estimate how much effort it required. They are exhausted looking after DN for a weekend,
- they have had him over night a lot and he has stayed away from us for 2 nights, but a week is too long at the moment,
- I don't trust their driving, DH is with me on this one, getting stuck on a train crossing with a train coming is not my idea of safe and they are crap at getting car seats fitted correctly.

Fakebook Mon 18-Mar-13 09:46:48

I sent my dd abroad when she was 4 for 3 weeks to stay with dsis. I don't have a problem with this because I trust my dsis with my whole heart. If you don't think your parents will cope then don't do it. Personally I think 5 years is a good age as he'll have an amazing memory of his first time abroad with his loving gps.

DorisIsWaiting Mon 18-Mar-13 10:01:19


I wouldn't want any of my dc's t go abroad without me at that age.

So they won't be.

Sod the oh it'll be a missed opportunity stuff. He's 5 he can have fun anywhere and If you think you'll be able to afford it next year (and share the experience with him even better).

No is a complete sentence, he's your ds not your mum's.

ChristmasJubilee Mon 18-Mar-13 10:36:56

I work full time and have done since the ds's were little so I fully accept that other people will be the ones to witness many of the "firsts" and I don't have a problem with that.

Neither my parents or PIL's are living so I imagine that skews my view a bit but I wouldn't let ds3 (6) go abroad without me. Neither he or ds2 (15) have been abroad (ds1 went with the school) and are not likely to go until they go under their own steam. They have not suffered because of it.

Go with your instincts.

EricNorthmansFangBanger Mon 18-Mar-13 11:37:23


My parents mentioned looking at taking 5 year old DD1 to Mexico in summer and were hmm that I said a flat out no. I wouldn't let any of mine go abroad without me until they were much older. PIL have just bought a caravan in Wales and they're already on about taking DD1 and possibly 20month old DD2. I want us to go as a family first before DD1 goes on her own with them but it would be a no for DD2 for a while longer as I don't believe they would be able to cope.

TooYappy Mon 18-Mar-13 11:40:22

Mine may be going this year, I do feel slightly narked by it but only because I would like to go too but have to stay home to watch 'the animals' meh...


thebody Mon 18-Mar-13 11:44:53

Lots of different opinions on here and none are the right ones.

For me it would be a definite no no at 5 as see that as far too young to be away from mum and dad.

However it really is up to you op, not your parents but you.

SoftKittyWarmKitty Mon 18-Mar-13 13:49:07

It would be a no from me, I'm afraid. My DS is 6 and sees a lot of my parents (early 70's), plus stays overnight at theirs every few months. I'm a single parent and when he was 5 I was very ill and he stayed with them for 5 days, including 3 where he didn't see me at all as I was contagious. Different circumstances to a holiday I admit, but when he came home he was clingy, tearful and sad. When pressed further he sad he'd missed me too much sad. Of course that's my DS, not yours, so only you can make that call.

I would tell them you'll come with them next year as a family when you've saved enough.

TimothyClaypoleLover Mon 18-Mar-13 14:38:53

I wouldn't let a 5 year old go abroad without parents as think 5 is too young. I wouldn't have a problem if the child was 7 or 8. The age of the grandparents would also concern me and their health i.e. would they be able to cope with a child full time for a week or two.

HazleNutt Mon 18-Mar-13 14:45:24

Your DC, do what feels right for you. But your reasons do sound selfish. You don't want GP to take DC because you want to be there for his first trip. What would the DC want though? As AThing said, will he enjoy himself, be happy and safe? If yes, I would let him go.

Cockadoodlequack Mon 18-Mar-13 14:47:02

I wouldn't, YANBU.

MamaBear17 Mon 18-Mar-13 14:57:27

I wouldnt let my dd go on holiday without me either. YANBU.

Mandy21 Mon 18-Mar-13 15:00:08

It depends. The points to consider are whether he regularly spends time with them (weekends or a few days in the holidays, not just overnight), how independent your little boy is, whether you feel your parents can adequately look after him (don't mean to be rude but I would have reservations with an 83yr old being able to keep up with a 5 year old boy) etc.

My parents have had my 3 children in the summer holidays for the last couple of years. I think my youngest was 2 the first time (she went to their house - 100 miles away - with her 2 older siblings (both were 6) for a week). Last year when she was 3, they all went to Devon for 2 weeks. This year (she'll be 4, the other 2 will be 8) they're going abroad for 2 weeks. I was really nervous to start with just because its a long way to get to them if anything happens. But I agree with what others have said - I have 100% confidence in my parents and they're actually going to their own house (my parents live abroad for 6 months of the year) so the children are familiar with the place (we've all been previously), my parents know it well, have friends there, familiar with the driving etc etc. And most importantly I know the children will love it, we'll probably Skype most days, speak on the phone and they'll have the time of their lives.

EldritchCleavage Mon 18-Mar-13 15:03:12

No, I wouldn't. He's too young, it's too far, for too long.

bangwhizz Mon 18-Mar-13 16:14:51

The Op has changed her story quite considerably.First she said she didn't want him to go because she wanted to be there for all his 'firsts'. Which is unreasonable and selfish.
But then she threw in about her parents not being able to look after him and him missing her etc.Why didn't she say that to begin with.Is she seeking out reasons to say no because she does not want her PFB experiencing things without her?

ThePlEWhoLovedMe Mon 18-Mar-13 16:47:46

Due to my agoraphobia both of my children have had all their holidays without me. Oldest DC went to the USA for a month with my parents when he was 7. There was no chance I would let him miss out on the opportunity what ever the reasons for me not going were.

Somermummy1 Mon 18-Mar-13 16:53:49


What a can of worms I've opened!

Didn't intentionally 'change my story' my OP was about missing 'the firsts' but when I was asked questions I explained the background

Partly what my OP meant was that he's not used to travelling abroad, being in a different country, not being in familiar surroundings etc etc

Of course if it was just about ' the firsts' I'd grin and bear it.

Of course I'd give up being there to see his face if I thought he'd love it without either of his parents AND be safe and happy.

I'm his mum and I want what's best for him not for me.

That'll teach me to post hurriedly late at night without a full explanation of all the background

Now if someone could pass me a fire extinguisher for the flames that would be lovely

theoriginalandbestrookie Mon 18-Mar-13 16:58:59

I have skimmed the thread but I'm not sure if you have stated how much involvement your DGPs have in your DS's care currently.A week is a long time for a 5 yr old.

It's the age thing that would bother me. My parents are 75 and 79 and too frail to travel by themselves never mind taking DS away with them.

It sounds like your DF really wants to show him Italy before they are too old to travel Could you suggest that they tag along on your holiday next year?

I did it. TBH it's not something I even think about now, 12 years later. I think denying them of a nice time together might still be rolling around now, though wink

littlemonkeychops Mon 18-Mar-13 17:50:00


5 is far too young for a child to go abroad without either of their pardnts IMO. And your DM reminding you that you can't afford a hol is just mean, they can afford to take DC surely they could take you too? Seems a big tight to me.

I don't get this sense of entitlement from GPs, of course they can ask but you are perfectly entitled to say no if you're uncomfortable with it, and you are not saying no out of spite you have what seem fair reasons to me to say no.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now