To stop preparing for our holiday since nobody else can be arsed?

(41 Posts)
Miast Sun 17-Mar-13 12:13:04

Tomorrow we fly to America for a 3 week east to west nightmare trip involving shit loads of planning and organisation.

Fuck all has been done so far, no packing or sorting - nothing. We were supposed to do some of it Friday afternoon as DP had the afternoon off work but instead he books an opticians appointment and we end up stuck in there for most of the afternoon - he then gets drops put in his eyes so he can't do fuck all for the rest of the afternoon. So that's a wright off.

Saturday morning then before he goes to pick up his kids? well you'd think so but instead he decides to book a doctor's appointment to discuss something that isn't happening until a few months into the future anyway (and even then the doctor's think it's a waste of time). So Saturday is a write off as he then has to pick up the kids and they're at football all afternoon and stay at his house saturday night. Compromise was that he'd take the kids back to their mums for 12pm today (this is what she wanted too as she's getting pissed off with never seeing the kids on a weekend as he's picking them up earlier than he used to). So I spent all of last night washing, ironing, organising and packing looking forward to some help when he gets here at 12.30ish today.

Well - he's just text me laughing that his eldest is still in bed so everything is running behind.

AIBU to just stop trying and let him do the lot when he eventually arrives?

HortyGal Sun 17-Mar-13 12:15:01

Nope, but I bet you don't.

ShellyBoobs Sun 17-Mar-13 12:16:59

Who is going to America?

If it's just you and DP, sort yourself out and leave him to sort out his own packing, etc.

TallDwarf Sun 17-Mar-13 12:21:41

I'd do my own stuff and leave him to sort his. He's an adult, surely he can handle that.

Ledkr Sun 17-Mar-13 12:23:28

I did this once. Ill never forget the look on his knobish face when I told him we had no currency. 'twas very satisfying indeed!

AgentZigzag Sun 17-Mar-13 12:24:26

Agree with Tall, let him get his own stuff together, you're not his mum and he's not 5.

Miast Sun 17-Mar-13 12:27:14

Yeah that's another thing, I had to sort currency out yesterday while he was at the football and the other money he has on him his mother sorted for him hmm

SavoyCabbage Sun 17-Mar-13 12:28:57

That is exactly what my husband would do. We went to the US when our dd was 18 months. So baby paraphernalia, was involved.

We arrive. It's 30 something degrees. Dh has timberland boots on his feet. No other footwear. But he does has weights. Weights, yes weights. And a 23cm thick book on accountancy. Hardback.

bedmonster Sun 17-Mar-13 12:34:58

Did you have to go to the opticians with him? You lost valuable time there!
He doesn't manage his time very well does he?
I would just get as much of it done as I could. You'll both be away tomorrow, and have forgotten who packed what or that you packed everything

lljkk Sun 17-Mar-13 12:50:15

pmsl @ weights & accountancy book.

R or U Depends who is involved OP, I have learnt that if I want something done I do it. If I left it to any of DC we'd never go anywhere or do anything. Harder with adults... DH once left his passport behind but remembered only 50 minutes from home (phew).

Christelle2207 Sun 17-Mar-13 14:07:39

I would be tempted to say let him just sort himself out but I did the same before dh and I flew out to Malaysia for a wedding. Half way there in the plane he tells me he has forgotten to bring any shoes other than sandals. So as soon as we got there, vvv jet lagged, we had to go shopping. Though tbh I should have just gone to the hotel to sleep, his fault not mine.
They just can't be trusted unfortunately. If it wasn't for me we wouldn't get organised to go anywhere other than work and sainsbury's.

dopeysheep Sun 17-Mar-13 14:12:00

"we had to go shopping" - nope, he forgot, he goes shopping. You have a lovely sleep in the hotel bed.

oldqueencrepey Sun 17-Mar-13 14:13:11

Exactly how long does it take to pack for 2 adults? surely a few hours will be quite enough. What is the problem? If he forgets stuff, overpacks, has not time to wash and iron how is that your worry. You sound very agitated and angry over not a lot so yabu.

oldqueencrepey Sun 17-Mar-13 14:15:25

why do you want to take on the role of mum to these adult babies partners? There is something a bit yuk about infantilising your partner in this way. I can't imagine wanting to have sex with someone who i spend my time organising / bossing about / patronising etc.

Eglantyne Sun 17-Mar-13 14:16:24

Why on earth do you have to pack for him? He's not a child! So what if you get there and he has no pants, it will make him more organised next time. The more you do it for him, the less responsibility he will take for himself and the more annoyed you will get.

specialsubject Sun 17-Mar-13 14:19:58

passports, tickets, insurance, ESTAs, money, medication, specs/contact lenses. All else is detail. Pack what you need, tell him to pack his own case.

why iron? You'll be in a car for 3 weeks by the sound of it...

Longdistance Sun 17-Mar-13 14:20:05

Let him sort his own stuff out.

My dh does it all last minute, and then complains he's forgotten something confused

Leave him to do his, and just look smug when he's forgotten something, and has to go out and buy it.

drownangels Sun 17-Mar-13 14:21:24

I don't pack for my kids these days and they are 13 and 16.
Depending on our luggage allowance I will ask them to leave a pile of stuff in their room or on my bed to organise or if they have there own cases to sort it out.They know if they are going skiing then they have to pack their own goggles, gloves, base layers etc and if they are going to the sun they need flip flops and suncream.
I have never packed for DH except maybe sometimes to leave stuff out and I'll organize.

I haven't had a cry of ' did you pack.........' for years!! if they needed it and it's not there it ain't my problem!

QuickLookBusy Sun 17-Mar-13 14:23:17

I don't work and my DH works very long hours.

But I never pack his case, he's a grown man and I'm not his mother.

Also I take ages to plan what I'm taking, coordinate outfits/shoes etc.. He does his case in about ten minutes flatgrin

ChaoticisasChaoticdoes Sun 17-Mar-13 14:25:05

OP pack your own stuff and leave him to do his. If he forgets something that's his problem, you're not his mother. It is not your responsibility.

littlewhitebag Sun 17-Mar-13 15:25:29

I never pack for DH and he usually packs the night before he goes away. He can pack for a long haul trip anywhere in under two hours. If you are going to US then he can buy stuff he forgets easily enough. Just make sure you have what you need then settle down with a glass of wine to answer the 'where is' and 'have you seen' questions.

lljkk Sun 17-Mar-13 16:15:00

if they needed it and it's not there it ain't my problem!

it is if you arrive and they've no pants or socks, unless you're mean enough to take it out of their pocket money (actually that's still your problem since they won't take it quietly, and personally I'd prefer to have a holiday without a soundtrack of excessive whinging). Or even a change of clothes, and only the most unsuitable footwear (sigh). DH thinks our 13yo can manage own packing, whereas I prefer to minimise unnecessary spending.

Svrider Sun 17-Mar-13 16:17:11

Also America envyenvyenvy

SDeuchars Sun 17-Mar-13 16:20:39

When my DC were small, they packed for themselves with me saying "How many days are we going for? So how many pairs of pants, socks, T-shirts, etc.?" By the time they were teens, they could manage that themselves so I never had to do it. It's not rocket science.

Groovee Sun 17-Mar-13 16:49:37

Didn't you post this last week?

annh Sun 17-Mar-13 16:52:47

Is this some kind of stealth boast? If you have so much to do, why have you either joined MN/namechanged just to tell us this?

fluckered Sun 17-Mar-13 17:16:26

so when you say noone else you mean dh? i presume your kids are too young to be doing their own packing. so it has to be done for them. did you really have to go with him to opticians? pack yourself and kids let him do his own. and surely you know this was coming so why not organised a bit earlier other than leaving it all til last minute.

jollygoose Sun 17-Mar-13 17:21:31

cant think what you are com[plaining about frankly - a 3 week holiday in the states ohn poor poor you most of us are lucky to get a weekend in southend.

DontmindifIdo Sun 17-Mar-13 17:22:40

Pack for you and your dcs, don't mention it again to your dp. Mine has been known to leave it until the taxi was pulling up outside to pack for himself, but I'm not his mother and the stuff he didn't have only made problems for him...

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Sun 17-Mar-13 17:32:04

i agree. Just pack your stuff. If it comes time to leave for the airport and he's looking at an empty suitcase, then tough shit. He'll have to fling it all in there.

Have you said to him that you are not doing his packing? Or does he actually think that he will get up tomorrow and find his cases packed and ready to go?

annh Sun 17-Mar-13 17:35:06

What dc? His dc are with their mum, I don't think there are even any children gong on this trip? Op is packing for herself only, I think.

theoriginalandbestrookie Sun 17-Mar-13 19:09:49

Nightmare trip to the Us hmm. Why is it nightmare OP - are your diamond shoes a little too tight?

If you have no DCs together then YABU, in fact even if you do then you are still being unreasonable.

We're off to Florida in a fortnight ( no stealth boasting here I'm loud and proud !). Over the last few weeks I have ordered the Estas, printed out the condo vouchers, nagged DH until he booked a car - is this the paperwork of which you speak as ok it's a pain but when I knuckled down to it and stopped mumsnetting it probably took me 2 hours tops.

For packing I was planning to fling together one case of clothes for myself and one for DS. DH is on his own. They have shops in America I believe that sell things if you forget anything, oh and irons as well.

livinginwonderland Sun 17-Mar-13 20:06:20

just leave him to it. i don't understand why you think you have to pack for him. he's a grown man. i like being organised and packed the day before i leave. the same with my dad. my mum, on the other hand, will pack ten minutes before we have to leave for the airport and she's never left anything behind.

just let him get on with it and make sure you have everything YOU need.

Toasttoppers Sun 17-Mar-13 20:17:40

If he forgets anything he can buy it in the states, they have everything on sale it is the the absolute hub of capitalism after all.

Yfronts Sun 17-Mar-13 21:19:12

Let him do his own stuff

fluffypillow Sun 17-Mar-13 21:39:03

You're making a massive fuss about nothing.

Pack for him/don't pack for him.............. whatever confused

You're going on holiday to America tomorrow FFS envy

I'll come and pack for you both, if I can come grin

3monkeys Sun 17-Mar-13 21:44:42

I packed for all 5 of us to go to Aus. When we got there, I very smugly pulled my flip flops out of my handbag, and they were 2 left feet! Uggs weren't great in December!
Everything for everyone else though was packed

badguider Sun 17-Mar-13 21:49:11

If you're not taking children then you are being utterly ridiculous, you pack your stuff, he can stay up late and sort his own.

If you are taking kids then he is being unreasonable not taking a fair share of packing their stuff but you posted this at midday and aren't leaving till tomorrow - how long can packing take? a few hours at most? you can stay up late and sleep on the plane...

fallon8 Sun 17-Mar-13 22:18:44

It's not a third country,,let him buy anything he not packed,,it's down to him not you

motherinferior Sun 17-Mar-13 22:22:27

I genuinely cannot imagine packing for my partner ever. Not have I packed for my children in years, come to that - they insist on doing it for themselves (they are now nine and 12).

MusicalEndorphins Mon 18-Mar-13 03:42:46

I always pack at the last minute myself, but I only pack my own stuff. Dh is usually packed hours before I am.
Hope you have a good trip, relax and enjoy.

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