... to feel so upset cos no-one has made any effort on Mothers Day?

(93 Posts)
needtonamechangeforthis Sun 10-Mar-13 17:17:25

Yes, I know there are people who no longer have their mother with them, and way too sadly, people who would just like to have their children with them today and my heart goes out to those of you in that situation. So in a way, I know already I am being unreasonable and a bit spoilt brattish. But for the 1st time since I had children, Mothers Day has just been like any other Sunday. I have 2 older teenagers, one living at home, one not. They have both sent me "happy mothers day" messages on FB... but otherwise, you wouldn't know it was mothers day. Don't get me wrong, I really, really don't expect gifts, or even cards. Just a bit more acknowledgement than a FB message that it's Mothers' Day. I guess it's just time to face up to the fact that Mum isn't that important to them any more. But it hurts.

greenfolder Sun 10-Mar-13 17:22:38

i hear you!
i am reflecting on the fact that from 11 i saved my pocket money to buy my mum a card and bunch of flowers. and have done so, as a minimum from that point to this- including my dmil- and i am now 45.

my teenage daughters show no such inclination- following my birthday when they failed to produce even a card, i told them outright that the bank of mum goodwill was empty- i didnt expect much but i did expect a card and a token gift. this is good manners and shows respect and appreciation; bearing in mind the effort expected for their special days.

today they have bought a card each and a small gift. you need to tell them.

AgentZigzag Sun 10-Mar-13 17:23:21

I'm sure they'll do more when they get older, at the moment they've got older teenager Important Things to do grin

Unfortunately, I was in charge of Sunday school, I had a meeting for work, and it is DDs birthday, so I was never going to get much out of Mother's Day.
I got a planted tulip bulb and card (which I did as the Sunday school activities, so did most of myself), otherwise, not even a mention of the day.
I did get to put my feet up (I am the "warm place" for the bread I made this afternoon, it's in a bowl on my lap!) but I have baked biscuits, made lunch, making homemade pizzas and put 2 washes on.
Roll on Mondaygrin.

honeytea Sun 10-Mar-13 17:24:58

Aww I'm sorry to hear your mothers day wasn't great. I was that daughter last year, my little sister (she is 9) told me that my mum had said "not even a card from my naughty grown up children!" I felt so bad. This year I am a mum myself and I have a whole new respect for my mum, the time will come again when they realise they need to show you some appreciation on mothers day.

needtonamechangeforthis Sun 10-Mar-13 17:26:16

thanks Greenfolder, glad I'm not alone. Mine have always done really sweet things for Mother's Day... not expensive things, but thoughtful.

Agent ZigZag, how old are your DCs?

GregBishopsBottomBitch Sun 10-Mar-13 17:27:01

No card or gifts for me today sad

IloveJudgeJudy Sun 10-Mar-13 17:29:55

I agree with greenfolder. They need telling! It's the thought, not the actual thing. We have 3 teenage DCs and I did remind them all week, because I know that I would have been upset if they hadn't thought of me and bought a card and a token present. Luckily, they did remember. This means I don't feel rubbish. I like them to think of me as I think they take me for granted a lot of the time. I think DC are encouraged to be selfish. For example, there's an advert on TV where the girl points and the parent/dad buys. The thought behind it is that you, as a parent, are supposed to get your DC exactly what they ask for. I think that's not a good message for life.

When you're feeling up to it, I would tell your DC that you were a little upset about the fact that they did nothing to mark mother's day. Ask them how they would feel if you did nothing for Easter/tooth fairy, etc. Get them to empathise a bit. I'm sure it's just thoughtlessness.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Sun 10-Mar-13 17:30:47

I did get cards courtesy of the school making them and dh doing something on the computer, but the dc's have generally been a pain in the arse once the 30 seconds of giving mummy cross was over. Dh has been hammering away at a work bench all day and I'm cooking dinner so pretty much like any other day.

We lost Mil a few months ago, and my dm died age years ago so don't feel much like celebrating anyway. Would be nice to be a bit appreciated though.

Snoopingforsoup Sun 10-Mar-13 17:31:04

Awww, I would feel just like you do. I think you should tell them you were a bit hurt by their lack of effort. Some kids are so used to taking Mum for granted, they need a reminder. They're old enough to take it, but I bet deep down you realise how much they love you.

shrimponastick Sun 10-Mar-13 17:32:28

Nothing for me either.

DS (15) hasn't so much as mentioned it. He has cash. There is a shop which sells cards, flowers, chocs a five minute walk away . But nada
Had wine which made me weepy.sad

needtonamechangeforthis Sun 10-Mar-13 17:34:28

thanks. I know they didn't forget, just didn't do anything. Don't get me wrong, we've never done major things for such occasions, but they have usually done something nice like breakfast in bed, home-made cards, or a little thoughtful gift. Spent the morning supporting DD in one of her hobbies, DH has spent the afternoon watching sport, and I just feel really down and undervalued. WOuld have gone out and left them to it but all my mates are doing Mothers Day things, which doesn't help!

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Sun 10-Mar-13 17:37:06

cards ffs not cross.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Sun 10-Mar-13 17:38:52

I was tempted to sweep out in dramatic fashion but I couldn't guarantee that it would have any effect so I didn't bother. grin

Sorry to all those who are feeling a bit shit. Hopefully karma will bite them on the arse!

AgentZigzag Sun 10-Mar-13 17:39:35

They're only 12 and 3 YO needtoname grin

I was just going on what the adults are like that I know, and reminding your mum you love her does seem to get lost at some point before they remember how to do it.

roastednut Sun 10-Mar-13 17:50:15

I don't know how people could not do anything, I mean it's shoved down our throats marketing wise for weeks. A card is no effort at all is it!

needtonamechangeforthis Sun 10-Mar-13 17:51:18

I think the hardest is that 15 year old DD has always made it a really special day, with homemade cards, or a homemade cake, or wrapping up something of her own she thought I'd like. So am feeling like I've failed as a Mum because I see other Mums, even those with children of the same age, being showered with attention today. Have also now had wine Shrimponastick, which isn't helping and am now in floods.

needtonamechangeforthis Sun 10-Mar-13 17:52:09

errr, thanks roastednut. That helps hmm

roastednut Sun 10-Mar-13 18:00:10

It's just their age I'm sure, you're not the only one to get nothing. Just tell them it's not on and it's not much to ask to show a bit of appreciation once a year is it.

dashoflime Sun 10-Mar-13 18:00:51

I commiserate with you all.

This is my first mothers day as a mother. DH did nothing. Apparently he "doesn't believe in those capitalist hallmark holidays"

Obviously, International Women's day has a much more right-on pedigree and that's why he lavished me with attention 2 days ago. Except, oh yeah, he didn't angry

I sent him to the kitchen at 3pm to make me a fried "breakfast" because this is what I expect on my special day. He did a good job. We are friends again now.

needtonamechangeforthis Sun 10-Mar-13 18:03:40

but you shouldn't have to tell them.. have been married for 25 years and a Mum for 19 ..... what's the point if you have to tell them? Doing something because Mum gets upset if they don't isn't the point, really, is it?

minicreamegg Sun 10-Mar-13 18:06:42

Well I've been fuming all day too, my FB newsfeed is full of photos of flowers, cards and eating out. I got a cake what my DS made at school on Friday ! No-one has mentioned going out for dinner (DH, DD 14, DS 9) so I'm sitting thinking that tonight they can have a pizza cooked extra long!

montage Sun 10-Mar-13 18:07:35

"I guess it's just time to face up to the fact that Mum isn't that important to them any more."

I would just take it as a sign that Mother's Day isn't that important to them rather than that you aren't OP.

I am guessing that in general teenage world it probably doesn't figure much these days.

GirlOutNumbered Sun 10-Mar-13 18:09:38

Don't be friends on Facebook and then they may have to do something inRL.

shrimponastick Sun 10-Mar-13 18:11:19

No going out for dinner here either.

Ah well. Plenty more wine. And gin.

Unmumsnetty hugs to all who are in the same boat. << >>

needtonamechangeforthis Sun 10-Mar-13 18:11:35

thanks Montage... and I do get that. This might sound sexist, but it hits me way harder that my 15 year old DD has decided that Mothers Day isn't that important (because she would "get" that the day is important to me) way more than if her 20 year old brother hadn't done naything more than send a quick message.

Horsemad Sun 10-Mar-13 18:11:48

Teens are so wrapped up in themselves that yes, you do need to remind them! In an ideal world you wouldn't have to, but there you go...
I've had nice gifts but I suspect my DH arranged them. I've had a nice day doing nothing - but that's because I've just sat down and let everyone else get on with it, not because they are pampering me! smile

shrimponastick Sun 10-Mar-13 18:11:49

No going out for dinner here either.

Ah well. Plenty more wine. And gin.

Unmumsnetty hugs to all who are in the same boat. << >>

needtonamechangeforthis Sun 10-Mar-13 18:14:29

Horsemad, kinda get that about teenagers... but have had teenagers for 6 years... and first time MD has been sidelined. Probably why it's hard, I can't put it down to teenagers because my teenagers have always come good up til now

Horsemad Sun 10-Mar-13 18:14:53

We're gaving takeaway because DH didn't realise that cooking dinner involved roasting a chicken grin

needtonamechangeforthis Sun 10-Mar-13 18:16:36

enjoy your takeaway Horsemad.... am leaving this thread now, just wanted a rant and am now feeling worse than I did before x

Horsemad Sun 10-Mar-13 18:17:12

Well I think they do become a bit self obsessed, even if previously they've remembered, so maybe start withdrawing a few favours and get them thinking...

Horsemad Sun 10-Mar-13 18:19:15

I'm sorry need hope it's nothing I in particular have said. sad

Get your DH to remind them that it might be nice to think of Mum occasionally. XX

montage Sun 10-Mar-13 18:21:43

If it helps to amuse anyone I decided to take control of the day myself and tried taking DS (intellectually disabled) out for lunch and in his enthusiasm he knocked my water over my lunch.

I then tried the cinema (could've been a nice sitdown for me wink) but he couldn't settle and after he had spilt yoghurt over me we gave up and left.

I tried taking him into the flower shop but he understandably chose a balloon there instead and then he bit that anyway.

I seem to have spent a lot of money on attempting to treat myself without any actual benefit yet!

toddlerama Sun 10-Mar-13 18:27:40

Oh montage what a day! flowers

needtonamechange sorry you had a crappy day. Next year, be very clear in the week leading up to it that you would like some form of recognition. Whatever it is, spell it out. And have some flowers from me.

montage Sun 10-Mar-13 18:36:09

I feel I have at least done my bit to support local buisnesses toddlerama

gardenfan Sun 10-Mar-13 18:44:37

Sorry you feel so hurt, but i am sure that this is not an indication that they love you any less. love can be shown in so many ways, a smile, a hug, an affectionate message etc, please feel secure in the knowledge that you are loved and appreciated every day, not just on mothers day

Writehand Sun 10-Mar-13 18:54:00

I think one of the very, very few advantages to being a lone parent is that your kids appreciate you and see you as a person, not just a parent. I'm their only parent, so on Mother's Day I get cherished. Tulips, chocolate and a card with a really moving message written inside from them both.

I used to make a fuss of my own Mum when I was a kid, but she had my Dad too, so I didn't think of her as needing my appreciation let alone support. Selfish little cow I was.

needtonamechangeforthis Sun 10-Mar-13 19:41:00

the worst thing is that even as I penned the OP, I thought they were maybe having a laugh, and that MD would be celebrated this evening, round the evening meal. But no, not a thing. Am way more upset than when I first opened this thread.

GirlOutNumbered Sun 10-Mar-13 19:49:58

It's just a day that the card and flower companies love. Do you feel valued and loved normally?

SquirrelSpit Sun 10-Mar-13 19:54:51

YANBU! Sorry you had a shit day too.
Today is my first mothers day (dd is 13 weeks) i didn't get a card, or even a verbal 'happy mothers day' from anybody. I was actually and embarassingly looking forward to it too. I keep welling up a bit over it, i just wanted a card that said 'mum' on blush sad

needtonamechangeforthis Sun 10-Mar-13 19:55:14

so you didn't get anything special either then GirlOutNumbered?

Horsemad Sun 10-Mar-13 20:05:11

Girl is right though - we should be raising our DC to be thoughtful all the time, not just on a day marked on the calendar as MD.

Writehand Sun 10-Mar-13 20:07:48

SquirrelSpit, I'm sure your 13 week DD would've got you a card if she could. Did your partner not know how much it would mean to you, or is there no other adult who could have got one for you on her behalf?

needtonamechangeforthis Sun 10-Mar-13 20:09:00

totally agree, absolutely. But it's very easy for those of you who have had cards, gifts, meals out, TLC, been made to feel special etc etc to fob off those of us who are feeling a bit undervalued by saying it's not just about one day... when you've been spoilt and made a fuss of.

Horsemad Sun 10-Mar-13 20:17:28

I know need, but you are going to write this one off and make sure your DC know how much this has upset you. X

Rhubarbgarden Sun 10-Mar-13 20:19:26

Squirrelspit I know how you feel; naff all here either from dh on behalf of my two preschoolers. I hate Mothers Day anyway because my Mum died a few years ago and it's just salt rubbed into the wound. I spent most of the day bursting into tears for that reason, and you know what, a bunch of daffs or a box of chocs from dh would have cheered me up a bit. But no.

SquirrelSpit Sun 10-Mar-13 20:21:39

Aparantley DP 'forgot' despite traveling to see his own DM on Friday to give her a card and present. He is back at work tonight so on my own again and was just another run of the mil day. Just would have been nice, i know i don't have a lot to complain about, but i was actually suprised by how much it upset me.

SquirrelSpit Sun 10-Mar-13 20:23:34

It's shit isn't it Rhubarb - it doesn't take a lot of thought or effort either really does it, but would have meant a lot to us

Horsemad Sun 10-Mar-13 20:25:51

All the mums with DC too young to do anything and whose DPs or DHs have made no effort should be giving your partners a massive kick up the backside angry on your behalf.

BumpingFuglies Sun 10-Mar-13 20:27:47

They all knew. I went out of my way to get DSS's a card to send their Mum. They also made cards at school for her. My DS has not even wished me a Happy mothers' day. DP has not even glanced at me. I have been at work from 7am to 6pm, came in, cleaned loo, loaded dishwasher and ironed school uniform. I am properly fucked off. Even got asked what was for dinner.

<implodes>

BumpingFuglies Sun 10-Mar-13 20:30:08

OP the worst thing is that even as I penned the OP, I thought they were maybe having a laugh, and that MD would be celebrated this evening, round the evening meal. But no, not a thing. Am way more upset than when I first opened this thread.

^^ this for me too. So sorry. thanks for you x

Horsemad Sun 10-Mar-13 20:32:38

Bumping - WHY?

If I were you I'd have sat down when I got in & my stock reply to any q about food would be 'It's Mother's Day' .

needtonamechangeforthis Sun 10-Mar-13 20:37:47

am in bed with snacks and catch-up tv. sod 'em.

BumpingFuglies Sun 10-Mar-13 20:38:23

Ishoos, horse, ishoos. But still no excuse IMO. They all know my views. After work I went to see my own Mum. I got her flowers and card on Friday as I knew I was working flat out Sat and Sun.

I haven't cooked btw

Horsemad Sun 10-Mar-13 20:57:29

need - glad you are being kind to yourself smile XX

Bumping - well done for not cooking! Go and do something nice for YOU! smile XX

BumpingFuglies Sun 10-Mar-13 21:11:53

horse I may sit down for a consecutive ten minutes - bliss grin

Writehand Sun 10-Mar-13 21:15:26

I can't imagine many Dads in floods of tears because they didn't get a lovely, thoughtful Father's Day card. At least, not the men I've known & loved.

I learnt from my DH that although most men (and I include boys) want to please the women in their lives, they really don't get that flowers & cards & stuff really, really matter to us. They're not telepathic, they have different priorities and they need steering.

My DH said one of the most unfair, annoying things women do is to expect "spontaneous romantic gestures" and then to get really stroppy when you don't read their minds. He'd been told "If you really loved me, you'd know I wanted you to...(whatever it was)" Whereas most men are clueless about this sort of detail. They also hate no knowing what to get.

The way to get the Mother's Day you hope for, or at least the way that works for me, is to make sure my DSs know exactly how to make me beam at them and feel cherished, which is what they want.

I reminded my DSs that Mother's Day was today at least twice last week and told them that though the card's the most important thing, I'd also love a bunch of red or yellow tulips and that breakfast in bed with the papers is my idea of a great surprise. wink They know I love chocolate.

Come the day, they know I'll be delighted, they're happy to see me happy and feeling appreciated. Result all round. I make a big thing about their card: I read out the message, I tell them how lovely it is, how well chosen and I keep it up in my bedroom for a couple of months. Then I put it in my memory box. That way they know how much the card means to me. My DSs spoil me on Mother's Day, but only because I've shown them how.

Writehand Sun 10-Mar-13 21:17:02

I can't imagine many Dads in floods of tears because they didn't get a lovely, thoughtful Father's Day card. At least, not the men I've known & loved.

I learnt from my DH that although most men (and I include boys) want to please the women in their lives, they really don't get that flowers & cards & stuff really, really matter to us. They're not telepathic, they have different priorities and they need steering.

My DH said one of the most unfair, annoying things women do is to expect "spontaneous romantic gestures" and then to get really stroppy when you don't read their minds. He'd been told "If you really loved me, you'd know I wanted you to...(whatever it was)" Whereas most men are clueless about this sort of detail. They also hate no knowing what to get.

The way to get the Mother's Day you hope for, or at least the way that works for me, is to make sure my DSs know exactly how to make me beam at them and feel cherished, which is what they want.

I reminded my DSs that Mother's Day was today at least twice last week and told them that though the card's the most important thing, I'd also love a bunch of red or yellow tulips and that breakfast in bed with the papers is my idea of a great surprise. wink They know I love chocolate.

Come the day, they know I'll be delighted, they're happy to see me feeling appreciated. Result all round. I make a big thing about their card: I read out the message, I tell them how lovely it is, how well chosen and I keep it up in my bedroom for a couple of months. Then I put it in my memory chest. That way they know how much the card means to me. My DSs spoil me on Mother's Day, but only because I've shown them how.

needtonamechangeforthis Sun 10-Mar-13 21:22:08

So far, so smug Writehand... so imagine, inspite of all you've taught them, the Mothers day when they don't. And don't kid yourself it won't happen because of how well you've taught them.

BumpingFuglies Sun 10-Mar-13 21:46:15

Delightful Writehand. Ever so well done.

Writehand Sun 10-Mar-13 21:47:32

That's an unfriendly response to what was intended as a helpful post. Did you do all this and they still didn't get you a card? Are they trying to tell you something?

I don't think my tactics are smug, it's just allowing for boys not really registering that cards and so forth matter to their mums. My DSD sends me a card without me doing anything -- because cards matter to her.

Maybe one year my DSs will forget, though as the oldest is 20 I suspect it's engrained now.

You may not have got a card, but someone gave you a whole bowl of sour grapes!

needtonamechangeforthis Sun 10-Mar-13 21:54:04

when someone has written about how older children, who have always acknowledged Mothers' Day in the past suddenly don't. and it hurts... having someone ramming down your throat how they have a lovely Mothers Day because they have taught their children well (so by implication you haven't) isn't entirely helpful. And no, it isn't sour grapes. It's a very sad Mum who has been reading smug posts all day. came on here for a hug. not someone telling me it's my fault for not teaching them well

Noideaatall Sun 10-Mar-13 21:56:57

Have a hug from me, namechange. I know how you feel - you shouldn't have to remind them to show they love you.

BumpingFuglies Sun 10-Mar-13 22:00:29

<<<<hugs>>>>

OP I'm with you x

needtonamechangeforthis Sun 10-Mar-13 22:01:06

thank you noideatall, appreciated.

But wish I hadn't started this thread now, just needed to rant at someone outside the family, and am going to bed feeling worse than before I wrote it. Should have known better.

needtonamechangeforthis Sun 10-Mar-13 22:01:32

and thanks Bumping. and others who have been supportive.

BumpingFuglies Sun 10-Mar-13 22:03:40

Hey, don't go sad

I've had a rant too, have been feeling thoroughly unappreciated.

<chucks a sour grape>

needtonamechangeforthis Sun 10-Mar-13 22:06:08

maybe your children are trying to tell you something too Bumping wink

twintwo Sun 10-Mar-13 22:08:22

Namechange I'm with you on this one too. I had 3 lovely cards from my boys made at school on Friday, but no mention of Mother's Day today from them or dh. I thought he might remember after church and buy something on the way back but no luck. Has been a very normal Sunday here as usual.

timidviper Sun 10-Mar-13 22:11:53

OP, I'm sorry you're upset and I understand how you feel.

It was my birthday a couple of weeks ago. My DD is abroad and sent a card and pressie, DS sent something but sent it the afternoon before so, of course, it wasn't there on the day and DH didn't get around to sorting anything as he always expects me to do stuff myself or give him instructions. I threw the most enormous drama-queeny strop you have ever seen which is very unlike me but I just felt unappreciated, as you do today. I stressed it was not the presents, etc it was the thought that counted.

Can I tell you it has worked. Today they all did behave thoughtfully.

I think you need to show them how upset you are or it will become accepted behaviour. Sorry.

BumpingFuglies Sun 10-Mar-13 22:12:50

Oh yeah, need, they are telling me to TELL THEM WHAT TO GET ME FOR MOTHERS' DAY.

grin

Writehand Sun 10-Mar-13 22:13:00

I didn't mean to be unsupportive. My whole point wasn't that my kids love me more than yours or I parent better, or some rubbish like that, it's that I don't think my DSs would've celebrated MD for me if I hadn't made a point of training them. There's nothing very spontaneous about all my preparations! smile

I think you're feeling sad and unloved and therefore seeing put downs when they aren't there. Never crossed my mind to put you down. All I was saying that boys don't understand how much this stuff means unless you tell 'em, and I wondered whether they knew. How are they gonna know if you don't say?

Why did you not storm in and say "So what happened to Mother's Day?" and raise hell? Tell them what heartless ungrateful toads they are? I certainly would've done. Better than telling us.

Horsemad Sun 10-Mar-13 22:16:09

Yep, I think you have to reinforce, reinforce REINFORCE!

needtonamechangeforthis Sun 10-Mar-13 22:18:00

I have a boy and a girl. They have always sorted MD on their own without any prompting, apart from when they were so little DH had to help. MD isn't about ME reminding them, nor about telling them how upset I am that they haven't done anything for the first time in 19 years. I'm upset because for the first time , THEY haven't wanted to celebrate Mothers Day, they haven't done anything off their own backs. If I have remind them, after 19 years of not having to, then it's not the kind of mothers day I was used to.

BumpingFuglies Sun 10-Mar-13 22:22:18

Ah, that must hurt need. I'd guess they are busy with their own lives, etc, etc... But it doesn't make you feel any better. Happy Mothers' Day need. You're a star thanks

needtonamechangeforthis Sun 10-Mar-13 22:23:48

thank you Bumping, and love to all who are also feeling a bit less than special tonight. Am going to bed now as getting more and more wound up so just need to chill and be thankful I have happy, healthy kids, shouldn't really ask for any more than that.

Ledkr Sun 10-Mar-13 22:27:12

My adult boys are sporadic with it all. One year I text them and said. "I have four children and only one card from your little sister" hmm
Since then they at least remember to text.
Dds get assisted by dh who really does make a nice effort.
Do as I do. I asked ds3 what he'd got me and he replied "I sent you a nice text" I asked him if he'd be happy with a text for his next birthday in may!

slambang Sun 10-Mar-13 22:30:45

Rant away. You should rant. And you should let them know you care.

I have had a lovely Mothers Day from dh and my 2 teens today and haven't lifted a finger although we ate 3 hours late but only because I burst into tears on my birthday earlier this year when they all made zero effort. (I got one unwrapped present that was the wrong size from dh and no cards from any of the lazy sods.)

I agree that the cost of presents is meaningless but when they say it's the thought that counts it means some thought actually needs to be put into it.

Anyhow, I burst into tears and had a rant a day or 2 after my non birthday and told them all I felt bloody hurt. They were gobsmacked that I actually cared! I'd told them so many times that presents didn't matter etc that they'd genuinely told themselves that I wasn't bothered so they didn't need to do anything. I honestly think it was the best thing I could have done because it taught my lazy teens that their actions or inaction do have consequences and that I am not a doormat with no feelings.

As I said, rant away. You deserve a rant and they need to be 'helped to understand' that you sometimes want to be shown that you're appreciated.

Graceparkhill Sun 10-Mar-13 22:30:52

Apologies if you have already answered this OP but do they know how upset you are?

I had a meltdown 4 years ago when DS1and DS2 didn't do anything.
DH was ill so unable to prompt and DS2 was only 9 but DS1 was 16 and had cash plus the ability to shop unaided.

I spent the whole day and evening thinking - any minute now my cards will be produced but nothing.

Eventually after tears and sulking on my part ( not proud of this) they all apologised and produced last minute handmade cards and a hastily drawn IOU.

DS1 later explained that they had no idea I would be so upset and didn't think MD was that important to me. TBH up until then nor did I.
Anyway thus far MD has always been remembered with cards ( and pressie when funds allow) so my top tip is tell them how you feel and give them a chance to make amends.

BumpingFuglies Sun 10-Mar-13 22:34:00

Night need. Have a good sleep.

Writehand Sun 10-Mar-13 22:34:51

If I have remind them, after 19 years of not having to, then it's not the kind of mothers day I was used to.

That's sad, and I can only hope next year's better. I can see why you're so disappointed.

But that whole "If I have to remind them" business is just what my DH complained about. Women getting disappointed when their minds aren't read.

I've always reminded my DSs, and I probably always will, because I know I'd be hurt if they didn't celebrate. But then my DH died when my DSs were small, so he wasn't there to remind them.

Dtwat did bugger all with the kids for me today.......so I made his favourite tea then ate it (slowly) in front of him.

Twat.

BumpingFuglies Sun 10-Mar-13 22:44:53

Writehand I'm sorry for your loss. I objected to your tone, not necessarily what you said.

Emotive day, today. Best wishes to you.

fluffypillow Sun 10-Mar-13 23:01:54

Dtwat did bugger all with the kids for me today....... sad

so I made his favourite tea then ate it (slowly) in front of him. grin

Good for you!

timidviper Sun 10-Mar-13 23:28:58

slambang DH and DS were horrified when I cried after they didn't do anything on my birthday. I think the shock has done them good actually as it has made them realise that it does hurt my feelings when they take me for granted.

needtonamechangeforthis Mon 11-Mar-13 09:18:41

Writehand, I'm also sorry for your loss. Makes my self-absorbed upset about Mothers Day seem really trivial. My apologies.

LadyPessaryPam Mon 11-Mar-13 12:26:15

Well that killed that thread didn't it!

Writehand Mon 11-Mar-13 13:55:21

What a gracious, kind apology, needtoname. But it wasn't necessary. Your pain yesterday was real and it mattered a lot to you. And thank you too, Bumping. flowers

My DH was lovely. We had 17 good years packed with memories and he taught me and his kids a lot. That's a big consolation. Divorced friends are left with no happy memories. In some ways I'm lucky. He adored me and we kept our vows until death which meant a lot to both of us.

After his death I realised I would never get a Mother's Day or birthday card from my thoughtless lads unless I primed them up and asked outright (and in detail) for the attention I felt was my due. I knew I'd be heartbroken if they forget -- so I don't let them. My kids will never forget Mother's Day because they don't get the chance, poor little sods. smile That's where my strategy came from. Don't ask doesn't get. Especially from boys, imo.

needtonamechangeforthis Mon 11-Mar-13 15:32:12

I understand that Writehand. I guess I was more upset that a) I've never had to remind them b) I have a usually thoughful DD, can almost excuse the "left home son" (I know, that's wrong, but it's what I've got used to) .. and c) DH didn't think to remind them. It wasn't like they even forgot, just didn't make any special efforts - again, I only missed it because they've always been so thoughful, unprodded, in the past.

But you have reminded me that I have an awful lot to be thankful for, and that in itself was a kick up the backside, so thank you x

needtonamechangeforthis Mon 11-Mar-13 15:39:25

( I can spell "thoughtful, but have sticky "t" key and hadn't noticed smile)

Writehand Wed 13-Mar-13 13:05:57

It must've been a real let-down when in the past your family have been so lovely. If I were you I'd let them see that you're hurt. Kids often seem to think parents are sort of "non-stick", invulnerable. You're their mum rather than a person. I think it's good for them to see that you can be hurt.

About the only benefit of being a lone parent is that your kids get to see you as a fallible, imperfect human being. In an ideal world a widowed mum would be able to conceal her grief and anxieties from her innocent children, but in reality the kids can't help but be aware that life's been lonely & tough, though I always hid in my office at the bottom of the garden when I really had to howl. Over the years the 3 of us have become a tight little team.

When my DH was alive we discussed the kids in bed at night, which meant the kids perceived us & our parenting as a seamless unit. It made them totally secure. I don't expect our DSs ever put a thought to us being anything other than their parents, and never considered an act of theirs could cause us hurt. So, in a way, your children's carelessness is a tribute to the security of their upbringing. smile

wiltingfast Wed 13-Mar-13 17:35:53

I think this is daft tbh. It's a commercial invention like v day. I personally hate the pressure to appear to ack m day. Of course I love my mother and appreciate her but I don't see why I should have to support hallmark in the process.

M day has nothing to do with anything except creating some business for already fat pockets imo.

Nonetheless I'm sorry it has acted to create totally unneccessary upset for you. Hope your kids make it up to you soon.

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