To let DD (12) dye her hair?

(68 Posts)
2kidsintow Sat 09-Mar-13 21:31:27

I'm having mixed feelings, personally.
Lots of her friends the same age have already done it. She's bought a non-permanent kit from asda that says it washes out after a few weeks. She's chosen a shade that will work well with her hair (naturally a lovely mid-dark brown - she's chosed a reddish shade that isn't too brash).

Part of me is happy to let her do it. I'm sure I was using non permanent dyes at her age or a year or so older.

Part of me doesn't want to. The packs now say that it 'isn't intended for use on the under 16s'.

MN044 Sat 09-Mar-13 21:35:18

Entirely unsuitable for school IMO

Lucyellensmum95 Sat 09-Mar-13 21:35:30

Don't let her use it - there is a reason it is not recommened for under 16s, its to do with allergic reactions. The darker colours tend to have more of a tendancy to cause reactions too. So if you do let her do it, please please please do a skin test first. No aesthetic objection, just a health thing

Floralnomad Sat 09-Mar-13 21:35:48

My 13 year old has red streaks and dip dyed ends ,I never read the age limit on the box. Doesn't seem to have done any harm and its been done a few times.

Floralnomad Sat 09-Mar-13 21:36:34

Should add that my daughter doesn't go to school .

SkinnybitchWannabe Sat 09-Mar-13 21:37:05

Like Lucy said do the test first...if you let her that is

LoganMummy Sat 09-Mar-13 21:39:21

I started colouring my hair at 12. I started off red, green, purple etc. My mum got so fed up so asked me to pick a colour and she would pay for it to be done professionally. I was blonde for 14 years.

As long as you do a patch test I don't see the problem.

I've just let DD (also aged 12) do hers with a non-permanent dye.
It's a rite of passage, I don't particularly like the result but she loves it. smile

AgentZigzag Sat 09-Mar-13 21:40:45

I've had the same question from my 12 YO DD, and couldn't answer for laughing at her cheek of asking grin

After I'd regained my composure I told her I couldn't give a monkeys bollocks (I'm paraphrasing) what other parents decide for their DC.

AViewfromtheFridge Sat 09-Mar-13 21:41:20

I would check the school policy first - no point in doin it if she'll have to dye it straight back. It'll probably be on the website.

AViewfromtheFridge Sat 09-Mar-13 21:41:39

doing*

larks35 Sat 09-Mar-13 21:42:21

At 12 I would hesitate to allow it, just because I think it's too young to start wanting to change the way you look. Saying that, so is 13, 14, 15 etc... My tutor group are now in Yr10 and it was when they were in Yr 8 that the girls started with the (often awful) hair dye experiments. I did wonder at the time why their parents allowed it (sorry, I know, judgey, but we're all human). I've got it all to come mine are just 4 and not quite 1 so who knows what I'll allow by the time they're 12.

Cant get worked up over this really. YANBU.

But definitely do a skin test.

GloriaPritchett Sat 09-Mar-13 21:48:38

I wouldn't be overly delighted about it but she could do a whole lot worse.

TheCatIsUpTheDuff Sat 09-Mar-13 21:50:41

Sounds fine to me. I started at the same age, and so did my sister. Eventually DSis accepted that she was too dark for it to do any good and has been natural ever since. I just waited until I'd left home, bleached it and dyed it pretty colours. Natural brown and grey now.

RaspberryRuffle Sat 09-Mar-13 21:51:16

If you allow her make sure she does the patch test, supervise this, she is only 12, last thing you/she want is a bad reaction.
I think 12 is a teeny bit young but they do everything younger now...
Also discuss with her that you will allow these non-permanents in plausible colours but not blue/green or whatever your limits are.
My mum's main bugbears were that we ruined towels (whoops) so we had some hideous old beach towels for hair dye use, and school shirts because it was always a group activity with 4 teenagers all squeezed in to the bathroom. Got it all out of my system though, haven't dyed my hair for years now.

webwiz Sat 09-Mar-13 22:02:50

12 sounds incredibly young to be starting with hair dye, I started at 13/14 but with those useless shaders and toners that don't do anything. My DDs waited till 16 and have had all sorts of colours . I'd just say no at 12.

Startail Sat 09-Mar-13 22:06:09

Easter holidays, if it looks to unnaturally red school will probably moan.

Must remind DD2, who likes painting her nails, that she can in the holidays. Primary didn't care, high school do.

MusicalEndorphins Sat 09-Mar-13 22:12:29

Perhaps you'd rather she bought some extensions than dye it? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4RxX--QH3WQ

Leeds2 Sat 09-Mar-13 22:12:39

Would have it done professionally, at a hairdresser's, rather than a dip dye.

Only say that coz my hairdresser has commented on the money she has made from parents whose children have used a dip dye, are horrified by the results, and then spend a fortune in having the mistakes rectified professionally.

My 15 year old is having highlights at said hairdressers over the Easter break!

jchocchip Sat 09-Mar-13 22:13:16

Er patch test, start of hols it will have faded before go back to school. My dds have ruined a number of good towels and bathmats so clear the area before you start grin I have much less of an issue with green/ blue hair than with tattoos and piercings - after all dyed hair grows out and dd1 got bored fairly soon. Though she is going to do it again when home for Easter...

missingwelliesinsd Sat 09-Mar-13 22:15:49

Being blessed with blond hair as a child that turned into a unbelievably boring shade of mousy brown by the time I was ten, I started using non-permanent hair color by the time I was 14. I was the definition of a a pasty faced, slightly overweight teenager with mousy hair. Dying my hair made me feel prettier (not sure if it really made me look better), but it made me feel better. I don't think it's a big deal. Pick your battles, as they say.

Ironically though, something to consider is to think about a shade that you genuinely think would flatter your DD best. I always bought non-permanent darkish dyes because I was a poor teenager and couldn't afford to go blond. In my twenties, I finally tried blond and realised how much better it suited me. Kind of wished I had tried going lighter back in my teens.

SashaSashays Sat 09-Mar-13 22:15:50

Skin test is really important.

If thats fine, then I would go ahead, it sounds like she's gone for natural shade so she's probably just wanting to try it all rather than so something particularly rebellious. As long as the skin test works out ok, its only hair. As I've regularly told the DC, if it looks shit I'll happily hack it off for them.

I started dying my hair about 12 years old, I think it's ok as long as you stick to 'natural' colours.

WorraLiberty Sat 09-Mar-13 22:21:47

I used to use the wash-out toners at that age.

I did it so gradually, my Mum didn't even notice grin

Then by the time I was about 15 I was dying my hair permanently red/auburn shades.

Still do now actually...though it's more a case of having to than wanting to blush

ravenAK Sat 09-Mar-13 22:24:14

Worse case scenario, it'll have to be toned down with a more natural colour if school complain.

I'd let her do it at the start of Easter hols, but check the school's policy first - so that if it turns out unexpectedly erm, vibrant, & doesn't fade quickly enough, you are forewarned & can take action.

Other than school potentially chuntering, I don't see it as harmful. It's only hair. It grows out even if you permanently dye it shocking pink with leopard patches, shave the sides off & dread one side.

(Not that that was one of my more aesthestically pleasing looks, mind you - I looked like a tortoiseshell cat that had had a dreadful accident grin).

anonymosity Sat 09-Mar-13 22:26:34

Do it!
My mum let me have a bright red streak through the front in the early 80s, very new wave - I was 13 or 14 and it made me very happy indeed. No problems and full academic achievements ensued!

Fallenangle Sat 09-Mar-13 22:28:08

The instructions say 'not recommended for under 16 s' for a reason OP and its not to spoil the kids' fun.

ihavenonameonhere Sat 09-Mar-13 22:30:39

Get her some sun in ;) I spent every summer desperatly trying to get my hair to go blonde using that stuff

WorraLiberty Sat 09-Mar-13 22:35:21

Didn't they ban Sun In at one point?

I'm almost sure it was too high in peroxide to be left in the hair?

Might have dreamt that though...

sukysue Sat 09-Mar-13 22:41:33

she only wants to experiment and be like her friends.

mummymeister Sat 09-Mar-13 22:47:13

2 dd's 13 and 15 and i wouldnt let either tbh. school say it has to be a natural colour but i am worried about the damage it does to their skin and hair especially if they start this young. we too have the "so and so's mum lets her do it" If she is going to dye her hair then you need to supervise it, be comfortable with it and also do it at Easter in case it goes the wrong colour or all falls out. tread carefully but ultimately it is down to you and how you like to parent.

Lavendersbluedillydilly1969 Sat 09-Mar-13 22:53:01

Don't let her near the Sun-in, that stuff turned my hair carrot coloured in the eighties and I had to let it grow out (took forever). DD1 is having blond highlights I for her 12th birthday this summer. I coloured my hair T same age and still passed my exams and have a very happy marriage, not sure what the big deal is really as long as its done properly and safely and too wild a colour.

PolterGoose Sat 09-Mar-13 23:09:34

Patch test is a waste of time, true allergic reactions can only happen on second or subsequent exposure to an allergen.

Semi permanent dyes are not linked to the serious reactions some people have had, it tends to be the permanent red dyes iirc.

Jengnr Sat 09-Mar-13 23:23:34

She'll do it anyway.

And I have no idea (as a woman who dyed my hair a lot in my teens/twenties but haven't dyed more than maybe every four years since) why teenagers shouldn't dye their hair.

It's not something they're stuck with forever after all. They might look ridiculous but that's pretty much what being a teenager is all about.

2kidsintow Sat 09-Mar-13 23:39:41

Thanks for all the opinions.
I'm glad she's asking about it, instead of just doing it herself (which is what I'm sure I did myself).

Have done a patch test. Will see what happens. I like the idea of waiting til the easter hols (2 more weeks here) and she's pretty sensible, so I think she'll have no problems with that.

Her school website says plenty about makeup and jewelry but nothing about hair colour. It has a line about not being too outrageous, but a slightly darker and redder version of her own natural colour isn't going to be outrageous. (At least I hope not!)

TotallyBursar Sun 10-Mar-13 00:24:33

I'm not sure I can give any kind of useful answer to this thread considering my hair is tri layered pink to violet but anyway. I don't think she is too young to be allowed to experiment, many people have no issues with DC asking for blonde for example. Personally I would have no issue with an 'alternative' colour apart from it being against school rules. I think it is a great and fun method of self expression and having fun with, and enjoying, your appearance. There will be years enough that employment places restrictions on her.

School - a check of their policy hasn't been very useful has it! But as a 'natural' colour rather than a solid bright (basically a red tone that gives a hint in the light?) then I can't see why it would fall foul of uniform regs. Easter hols aren't far off though.

Dye - rather than using a henna based colour she could get much kinder results by using a vegetable dye, a wash out semi. Something like Directions by La Riche, Manic Panic (although I wouldn't waste my money) or Special effects to name a few. I would always, always prefer my DC to use these rather than the horrible supermarket kits. Much nicer and much safer. When she's old enough to/if she ever wants to get a lift then they are much better for her hair after bleaching than the kits. Adore dyes also come in 'natural' colours, they are a veg semi and have some gorgeous shades. They will wash out in 6-8 washes/few weeks, depending on her hair/the dye colour, but don't have the nasties in them. I wouldn't let my DC's use the kits due to the ingredients.
The adore dyes are here and you can see all the other dyes too to see what reds they have. If it something she's interested in then they have a good forum there too - lots of experienced hair dyers that will give peer advice and she can see how to be safe with kits, bleach etc rather than finding out by having an injury/mishap, be kind to her hair and also get lovely results that mean she doesn't end up looking like I did that fateful summer in '96! Seeing what it takes to do certain styles properly and the results of being impatient or not following the advice may also prevent any hair disasters.
Considering some of the horrifying things some hairdressers do to hair when colouring I tend to do it myself. After seeing more than one crack out the 40 vol and a hairdryer <wibble> I tend to steer clear.

catlady1 Sun 10-Mar-13 00:34:28

Remember that a non-permanent dye can't make hair any lighter than it already is - so if she's naturally brunette, a non-permanent red dye could not possibly turn out unnaturally bright red. The most it will do on dark hair is give it a bit of a reddish tint. If she was blonde, I'd say don't do it, purely because I made the same mistake as a teenager and was walking around with bright orange hair for weeks before it totally washed out, but as a brunette she should be fine. Maybe do it at the start of the holidays though so she can see what it looks like and how it washes out without knowing she has to go to school with it the next day? She can always do it again if she likes it.

freddiefrog Sun 10-Mar-13 00:41:00

I'd wait until the start of the easter holidays too.

My 11 year old is desperate for dip dye so I've got her some hair chalks to play with over the holidays. She's not asked for proper dye yet but I'm happy for her to faff about with it, it's just hair

Backtobedlam Sun 10-Mar-13 08:25:32

My ds has been asking to have his hair dyed green and blue since he was 3yrs old. I have no problem with him experimenting or wanting to look a bit different. More recently he's asking for blonde highlights. The only reason I've said no so far is because his preschool and school have a 'no dye' policy, and I'm not sure about the chemical levels for children. Will read around it a but more I think.

ChristmasJubilee Sun 10-Mar-13 08:40:12

I was going to say "thank goodness I have boys" and then I read Backtobedlam's post. I think 12 is too young.

TotallyBursar Sun 10-Mar-13 08:54:47

I'm not being snippy or picky at all, just asking but:

If you think 12 is too young what is it they are too young for?
Is it health/chemical thing? Is it the start of changing their appearance? Would any colour or process be preferable?
For instance some are happy to have dye happen as long as it isn't alt colours so that discounts both reasons I can come up with.
Considering hair is transient and summer holidays are long/some colours are subtle I am just wondering why some parents aren't happy with it?

Rufus43 Sun 10-Mar-13 10:52:33

I would be very careful with the dark hair dyes. My friends dc wanted to dye their hair so my friend followed the instructions, did the patch test and dc still ended up with a head swelled twice it's normal size, 2 nights in hospital and their hair shaved up. Its an allergic reaction, which also occurs with black henna tattoos and does not show up with a patch test. Obviously it's fairly rare but it might make sense to do it on a weekend morning and keep them home for a few hours just in case.

Remotecontrolduck Sun 10-Mar-13 12:07:52

I think it's fine, it's only semi perm and not entirely different to her natural shade. It's natural to want to experiment with different looks growing up.

qazxc Sun 10-Mar-13 12:18:48

Is the shade suitable for school? some school are funny about hair dye.
Make sure to do a patch test first.
Make it clear to her that you may be allowing this dyeing if the patch test turns out all right but that she must run any dyeing of hair by you first. My friends niece topped up her colour with a different hair dye and it went very, very wrong.
better than she do it in a controlled way than behind your back at a mates house (see above).
If you are unhappy with the semi permanent dye, could you compromise with a wash in/ wash out one that you both like? I used to use these when i was about your daughter's age and they aren't as hard on the hair (although beware getting caught in the rain)

youfhearted Sun 10-Mar-13 12:28:33

i think the wash outs are fine, and would do my dd's, do do their hair in fact. although i often harp on about how I had to dye my hair myself when i was a teen.

SirBoobAlot Sun 10-Mar-13 12:35:47

Do a skin test, if that's fine, then why not? I started dying mine at 13, it's been various shades of red ever since.

dondon33 Sun 10-Mar-13 12:54:50

I'd probably let her although from my own experience I'd say - once she starts it'll possibly open the door to wanting to do it more, it did me.
I didn't ask anyone the first time I done it at 13 - I went blue, my mums face was a picture when I walked back through the door, having left a mousy brown/dark blonde colour some 4 hours before smile
The bollocking wasn't too bad so I continued changing colours every few months until I discovered 'Sun in', some full bottle and an hour with the hair dryer later - I wrecked my hair sad I had to get it all chopped short and a gentler darker blonde put on it at the hairdressers until I grew all of the damage out.
I'm 34 now and have never had my natural colour since I was 13, I'm black now and due to the nightmare of getting that colour out, I probably never will sad

pixi2 Sun 10-Mar-13 12:57:48

I was dying my hair at 11yrs. Chestnut brown/red. Always wash in was out. Moved to semi permanent at 13 and was getting highlights at 16.

BackforGood Sun 10-Mar-13 13:07:38

I wouldn't be too keen (have dds of 14 and 11, so am 'there' in life). I just think there are so many things to be trying out in life at this young age, without getting in to the whole thing of 'wanting to look a certain way'. Fortunately dd1 (and 2 at the moment, although she's not 12 yet) have more self esteem than to have to rely on changing their appearance with dyes.
The positive thing is that she's talking to you about it, rather than just doing it herself of course, but, as you say it says on the packet 'Not suitable for U16s' I think your answer is there.

OkayHazel Sun 10-Mar-13 13:36:21

Been dying mine since 12, its fine. And its been dip dyed pink and purple too, so so much for the natural colours theory. Its actually bleach/peroxide that does the real damage.

And I'm also sure, whether she goes to school or not, that the shade she has chosen is natural and therefore suitable.

Let her!

Trills Sun 10-Mar-13 13:43:24

My completely arbitrary rules are:

12: shaders/toners - stuff that washes out almost immediately
14: non-permanent colours - no bleach!
16: proper hairdresser dye - but only if she earns the money and saves up herself

Floralnomad Sun 10-Mar-13 15:30:22

backforgood I don't think dying your hair at 12/13 is necessarily to do with self esteem , it certainly isn't in the case of my 13 yr old .

Eh, both my kids have dyed theirs at that age. DS#1 has been black, blue, red, bright pink, purple black with ginger ends, black with blue ends. He is mousey blond/light brown normally. DS#2 bleached his hair blond (really liked that) and then dyed it blue to go to the olympics this summer. He was 11 at the time.

It didn't affect their schooling. School didn't care.

dondon33, black was the only colour that survived the swimming pool and man did it survive!

I really don't care about hair dye, if it 'ruins' the hair then cut it short. Hair is temporary. If you are worried about chemicals then agree to just do a dip dye look.

determinedma Sun 10-Mar-13 17:29:57

For me 12 is too young. Dd started doing hers at about 16.she got a tattoo at 18 while working in Spain.
Wouldn't have been comfortable with either of those at a younger age

So only those with low self esteem dye their hair? hmm

Crawling Sun 10-Mar-13 18:40:36

Someone mentioned hair extensions I would say no to that unless your willing to spend a fortune. I do hair extensions myself and I charge £200 and im quite cheap as I only do them now, for some extra money when I can get baby sitters to look after the dc.

I would let her die it.

Crawling Sun 10-Mar-13 18:41:29

oops dye not die.

Purplecatti Sun 10-Mar-13 19:01:56

I was allowed and will allow natural non permanent colours at secondary school until they leave. At sixth form and beyond hair is theirs to do what they want with.
Mine went all manner of crazy colours, it's a harmless form of self expression.

loopyluna Sun 10-Mar-13 19:14:49

My 11year old had an allergic reaction to nit lotion a few years back. It was really scary and I'd be really wary of letting her put any kind of unnecessary chemicals on her head in future.
I also don't see the point at all hmm

Kaida Sun 10-Mar-13 19:20:02

TotallyBursar your hair sounds funky. OP, I don't see the problem though I would agree vegetable based dyes are better - currently have bright blue Manic Panic streaks myself.

BodaciousTatas Mon 11-Mar-13 07:35:26

My dd who is 14 has her hair varying shades of purple, more dark in school holidays and during term a more purple/black shade.

The rule in my house is nails and hair are fair game anything else must be run past me.

Yannah2006 Mon 11-Mar-13 10:08:18

I would (i've said my 7 year old can do it during the summer if he wants, terrible parent, me!) but it depends entirely on what the school's stance on hair dye is. I used to get in so much trouble for dyeing my hair bright pink or cherry red during term time and tbh, i can now see it's really not worth it!

Let her do it in the holidays if its a no from the school. I think it's great for kids to experiment with their look, it lets them explore their personality.

I was that sort of age during the days of shaders and toners and sun in.......in the mid 80's everyone walked round with orange fringes, even the boys!!

I can't see the harm in it....it's part and parcel of growing up and the non permanents ones should be fine smile

Mother2many Tue 12-Mar-13 15:55:53

Honestly, my sister use to let my nephew color his hair and he was 6 yrs old. I disagreed with her. She said, "It's JUST hair!"

True... It's not a tattoo, or piecing...etc. It's hair. Heck...even old people dye their hair weird colors...jmho... lololololol...

SOO...

I now let my children dye their hair too...! My daughter who was 6 dyed her tips bright pink once...and even had it streaked bright pink too. My son who was 8 dyed his hair blue...and then purple.

It's hair.

I will fight tooth and nail before they think of piercing their body though! Eyebrows/lips/tongue, etc...as many teenagers do!!! YUCK.

Graceparkhill Tue 12-Mar-13 16:06:38

I think anything non permanent ( if no allergies etc) is perfectly acceptable. Anything hugely expensive needs to be saved for but otherwise anything goes in my house.
I take the view that it is their hair and therefore their choice.

LittleMissFantabulous Tue 12-Mar-13 16:43:22

I'd say no to hair dye. But that's me. Mind you, they used some hair mascara this weekend and it hasn't washed out of my middle one's hair. Pain in the bum >_< We'll be sticking to glittery hairspray next time they fancy being daftgrin

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