To ask how many of you get on with your mil?(189 Posts)
That's it really, just fancied a poll of who feels respected and liked by mil?
Mine tries but we have a long history of not getting along and I'm still very aware that she doesn't actually think very much of me. The effort to tolerate me and be
mostly polite to my face is appreciated though.
Mines dead, but we got on very well. She had her moments, I'm quite sure I had mine too .
I hope I will be - I am about to become a MIl & am quaking in my boots about it.
I do. My MIL is lovely, and has always been clear that she thinks we are good parents.
If it evens things up my MIL from my first marriage hated me with a passion!
I do, really well. I am as close to her as I am to my own mum. I love her.
I do. I have a lovely MIL.
My husband does. He gets on better with my mother than I do, actually.
I do - have lucked out with mine. She's barking mad - says whatever's in her head - but what's in her head is always very nice.
I'm a MIL myself - and again, have lucked out there. She's lovely.
I think mine likes me most of the time. Don't know about respect though. Lots of underlying resentment and private thoughts on my side but don't know about her . Main thing is to make an effort and be courteous and decent at all times.
I get on with mine really well, she's always sending me messages on fb asking how I am etc.
On my wedding day, she said to one of my aunts
"My son will look after losingexcessweight you know, he will always put her first"
I thought that was quite a nice thing to say.
I've had two. Both passed now. The first didn't like me and I didn't get on with. Mummy's boy she raised took her side. My second was a peach. Lovely, feisty, kind, funny, great. I miss her and so does DH, terribly. It's her birthday this month
My MIL is an absolute darling. We've always got along, she's very evenhanded, doesn't interfere, and is incredibly supportive.
Your op implies that the default position is one where mils do not respect and like their dil.
I don't agree with that default position.
I generally like mine. She helps us out alot with the dcs and is generally a friend,
I also feel quite responsible for her, as she is on her own, and we are her only real family. My dh had a sister, but she died, so we are her only close family and as I am close to my parents, and dh is lovely, but crap at looking after his mum, I feel I need to do it.
...but we are very different people, and sometimes this means we clash, I can get quite annoyed by her, she is quite stuck in her ways. But at the end if the day we are family.
Get on very well. In fact I'd say she understands me better than my own mum. She was here for / after birth of DD2 to help with DD1. I don't actually see either more than once or twice a year but the thought of a weeks holiday with MIL appeals (done it twice) while with my mum would be much more stressful! PILs come for a week at Christmas and it's great.
I do, she's lovely. Really looking forward to telling her she's going to be a Nan!
I adore my MIL (well, she pisses me off sometimes but so does my own mum!). She was very close to my mum so has really been there for me all my life. I'm very lucky.
Step MIL as MIL died before I met DH. We haven't spoken to one another in almost 6 years (not even at our wedding 5 years ago), so not liked or respected much from her point of view and I really don't like her.
The only thing I respect about her is the fact she loves our 2 DC even though she hates me and dislikes DH. She considers them her GCs, but I worry about what will happen if her daughter has children, as I think she will lose interest in our DCs.
I get on really well with my MIL, she's brilliant.
I get on very well with my MIL. I think she much prefers me to her own son who stresses her out. She helps out immensely with our two DC which is hugely appreciated as DS has autism so can be a handful but she dotes on him.
We can chat and go shopping together and one year she surprised me with an amazing Xmas gift of a kiehls box set which was really thoughtful and totally my thing as was feeling really rundown and nervous about returning to work and looking terrible etc.
She hates anything being done for her though so can be quite a trial getting her to accept gifts or even a lift home!
She is getting quite elderly now ...
I get on with mine. She is lovely. We spend quite a bit of time with her, and it is no hardship.
Tolerate each other. Really don't like Fil. He's a self centred arrogant arse!
On a superficial level yes. She's DH's mum, and my children's granny so I grin and bear it on the odd occasions we are together
She has been pretty horrible over the years though and done/said some very nasty things so it's nothing more than polite conversation
I love my MIL. She bought me spa membership for my last birthday and took me to the ballet last week just as a treat. She ADORES 10mo DS and is willing to look after him whenever she is able to, and has enabled me to carry on freelancing even with a baby and a DH who works ridiculous shifts. She never interferes with things, and is just lovely and supportive. And is the most phenomenal cook.
Mine is super fantastic. I'm very lucky.
I don't really get on with my mil, just don't understand her as her priorities are completely different to mine.
Not really. Hope ds's future partner won't feel the same about me.
I do. She's great and I love her to bits. She comes to stay and help me with the babies when DH is away and we sit up late drinking wine and chatting.
When I read some of the horror stories on here I realise how lucky I am!
I can't abide my mil and the feeling is mutual. It's a shame. I'd have liked a reasonable relationship between us but she made it perfectly clear from day one that she wasn't interested in being anything other than unpleasant
I get along with mine.
She's a laugh, really, and she dotes on the DC. I don't always agree with everything she says as she's not very PC at times and I often think, "you can't say that!" But there are probably lots of things I say that she doesn't agree with,
even though I am right.
Mine is fine. I prob get on with her better than DH does.
I did, she always always thought dh should put me first, even when I didn't due to her health, she was an amazing but desperately unlucky woman in her life. She drove me mad, but last thing I said to her before she unexpectedly died was that she should visit again soon, and I loved her. I miss her
I feel very lucky too. Some of the stories on MN are awful! Although I don't know anyone with such a terrible MIL in RL.
I have two dh's parents are divorced, and his step mum has been in his life from around age 8 not that he calls her mum though.
They are both lovely people, hard work when they are around each other, no fighting just lots awkward moments <grrrrr> both his dad and step dad are the same, luckily for me and dh they both live far far away!! I see them maybe once a year, however i assume when i have babies
please let that be soon that we will probably see each other more
Meh, we are friendly to one another but we'll never be super close. Very different people. She annoys me (as do a lot of people) and I don't feel that I have really been accepted into the family, despite the fact OH and I have a baby together and are getting married this year. We like each other well enough.
I have a great MIL. In fact I'm fond of all my in-laws (DH has quite a large family)
I love my MIL and I think she loves me too. She has always been complimentary about me and has privately thanked me for sticking by her son when things got tough for us, she says I'm the best thing to have happened to him and she's a fantastic grandmother. I'm blessed.
We don't not get on, however I feel our relationship has become a bit strained since DD was born. I'm not sure why (probably fault on both sides) and I hope it will settle down again.
We seem to be in a bit of a power struggle at the moment. I think she finds it hard watching me be 'Mum' and not her.
I got on really well with mine until dd came along. Had a big thread on here about her over stepping the mark. Lots of boundary issues.
Dd is now 2yo and we are back to getting on really well.
She says and does things that irritate me and I'm sure she could say the same about me. Thats life.
Both pil are amazing with my dc and have been a huge help to us. I'm very lucky.
My MIL is far nicer than me and probably has far more reason to complain about me than I do about her.
I am quite quiet, and tbh, probably feel a bit inferior, so end up not having much to say.
Really, we don't have that much in common and aren't especially close, but that isn't something I can blame her for. Pity really, as my DM died 17 years ago, so would have been nice to have a substitute mum.
My MIL hates me. I don't know what I did.
Respected by my mil = nope never will happen
Liked by my mil = nope hates me (admitted it...I stole the son she also admitted to not wanting!)
Lovely woman that she is
So unfortunately my mil falls into the default of not respecting nor liking their dil's!
I get on well with her, and I know she likes me. But she does still drive me nuts
a lot some of the time.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
I got on well with MIL, she thanked me for her grandchildren and we used to chat quite a bit.
I found out after she passed that she thought of me as the daughter she never had. I wept buckets when her friend told me this. My only wish was for more time with her. I know she'd have loved to see how the GC were progressing.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Purpleblossom you could be me!! Exactly my situation, we used to get on fine but since DD arrived there's a definate issue that she is no longer the 'active mum' but now a GP, it's led to resentment on both sides sadly, on hers because i'm "in the way" and mine because i resent her desire to take over and not respect my wishes.
Very sad all round, can't see it changing anytime soon so i just keep her at a distance.
Very very jealous of those with lovely supportive MILs you're all so lucky.
Love mine to bits and feel sad that we don't see enough of her.
She lives in New Zealand. When we do see her, it involves staying in her house for a month at a time. If we didn't get on it could be a disaster. As it is, she is one of the loveliest, kindest people I know. She's due over later this year to meet DC2 - can't wait to have her here!
She offers advice with dd but doesn't criticise particularly. She makes an effort to keep in touch and send dd things. And she's generally just a lovely person to spend time with.
I like my MIL, and feel respected and (mostly) liked by her. We're two very different people though and there are conflicts at times, I think she probably finds me a bit too opinionated at times and I've tried to tone that down in recent years as I know she gets agitated by disagreements. I respect her a lot, she's not as judgemental as me and I think that's a good thing and something I try to emulate (a bit!). However, we don't have children yet and I suspect we may disagree on several aspects of childrearing, and she's an ex-nursery nurse so is confident on the topic (but overly obsessed with hygiene so will judge me on that!). On the bright side I think she'll adore them.
I love my MIL, she's a quietly spoken little Spanish woman with a heart of gold.
I also love my ex MIL, she's really lovely too.
I love my MIL. She can be very selfish, but she has had a hard life in many ways and has finally got to the point where she feels able to put herself first.
She loves the DSs and we talk about shopping
I love mine. She's lovely. My mum is also lovely and DP gets on brilliantly with her.
I have amazing PIL and get along with them both really well. I have been treated as part of the family since day one with DH - I feel very lucky!
I love my MIL, and she is so supportive to us, and DS adores her. I am very lucky. My own DM is a different story though....
Me. Very very rocky start culminating in a huge standoff and almost fisticuffs. I was the first in law amongst her 5 children and we both found that very difficult.
That was a long time ago now and I adore her and FIL. They seem pretty fond of me too and we spend loads of time together without DH needing to be there.
Yes, she's lovely and could not be nicer to me. We didn't have much in common but we've bonded gradually over the last 20 years: she's a gem.
My DM, much though I love her, is a bit of a nightmare MIL to DH and DSIL.
Well mine is a lovely lady and overall we get on well.
However, we are very different people and so I sometimes get (silently) irritated.
She is very supportive and would never undermine me in regards to my children.
We just see life differently.
I know she is extremely grateful for her granddaughters.
I love my MIL. Yes she can be annoying, interfering and bossy, there are moments when I could quite happily use her to raise the patio, I've told her to piss off every now and again and we've had a few rows. She never holds back. She parents differently, we don't agree on lots of things and I know she was pretty sceptical about the relationship and marriage.
However, she tries her best, she loves our family, she raised my DH and my own mum gets on my nerves so I cut her some slack, I do MIL the same courtesy. Plus as irritating as it is she has lots of happy healthy children so must know a thing or two and she is a laugh.
Me, I love my MIL. She is funny and kind, dotes on the DC and has never ever tried to interfere with my parenting. Unfortunately she is elderly and rather frail so not able to be very hands-on with them but always brings sweets and little gifts for them
I like my MIL and she likes me. Always look forward to a G&T and a chat.
I'm a disappointment to mine as I hate shopping, soaps and big family get togethers
I also voice my disapproval with her DS, (DH) which she thinks is wrong - cause he can do no wrong in her eyes
We're poles apart but I don't care and can go months without seeing her even though she lives in the same road.
My mother in law is bonkers, DH isn't keen, but I do enjoy her company (in small doses). She seems to like me and often buys me little gifts, which is really sweet.
As tomorrow is Mother's day, and I am not married, I am going to put a flag out for my mum and how she was like she was as a MIL. Back in 1939, her mother told her, that if she did not marry my father no-one would have her and she would be on the shelf, she was 23. My father was a difficult man and their marriage was not happy and as a Catholic back then divorce was out of the question... she resolved never to interfere in her children's lives.
I have two brothers and a sister, all of whom divorced, yet their partners kept in touch with my mum. My sister's second husband (very messy divorce from his first wife which still rolls on nearly 30 years later), sat up with her the night before she died... would not leave her, when we asked him afterwards why he would not leave her side, he said, "She never judged me, she always welcomed me... she treated me like her own son, it was so little to do in return."
So yes, there are good MILs... and if I were to be one, I hope I would be like my mum.
I have just written a Mother's Day card to my MIL.
She's been absolutely brilliant since my husband revealed himself to be a "fucking arsehole" (her words).
We are very, very different but I think we both find in each other something we need but is lacking in the other people in our lives.
Mine is the main protagonist in the breakdown of my marriage - broken hearted tonight that my children are expressing their hurt and confusion, and neither Husband nor MIL can see the damage they're causing. Crying my eyes out.
I lived with my ex mil for 17 years. She could be nice (if you were in her good books) but everything had to be on her terms and if you disagreed with her she would make life hell having hissy, sweary fits all over the place. This also extended to any neighbours not deemed to be behaving how she thought they should (such as divorced neighbour having a new partner).
She is a loon tbh. But she is getting old and frail now. I don't have to see her often and we can tolerate each other pretty well from a distance.
She's a bit interfering but kindhearted. I get pissed off that DPs sister is clearly the favourite and DP gets treated differently. I'm not really fussed how she treats me, just feel sad for DP.
Me and Mil tolerate each other. Fil is great though and we have a lot in common. Got in better with mil before I had DS. Once there was a GC ( and he was number 4 so not the first) she seemed to want to take over and be much more in our lives than she ever did before. It doesn't help that I don't get on with DM so mil thinks she gets to take over the mum rights.
Nope, she doesn't like me. I now don't like her. :-)
We get on fine, at a safe distance. We keep contact at the level of a cup of tea for an hour every few weeks and the odd text. It keeps things nice and amicable.
I get on well with my MIL, we live 120 miles away and I think that probably helps. We are very different in our views and ways but have a mutual respect that borders on love. Our differing views do sometimes rear their head but we both realise that our mutual family is more important than trying to score points off each other in any way. She is very generous with the kids
sometimes more than I like and also very supportive to me. I would like to get to know her better, not just as partner to her DS and mother to her DGCs, maybe that'll come.
I just can't like her as a person, however, I respect her as dp's mother.
Can't put my finger on it, as I like to think I give everyone a fair go, I just can't seem to like her.
My MIL is brilliant. When I had DS1, both my mum and MIL travelled hundreds of miles to be there for the birth - people pulled faces in hospital when I said that they were both staying, but the only downside was that I had to stay in for 4 days and there weren't enough cups of tea/things to iron to go round at home. When she comes to stay, she always gets up with the children and makes me have a lie in! I just hope that my sons' wives have as good a relationship with me when their time comes (will be a while, they are only 6 and 4).
Get on ok I suppose - we are very different people BUT, that said, she is a brilliant mother and grandmother and I am very grateful for, and respectful of, that.
I love my mother in law. I can have more frank discussions with her than I could with my late mother. She is very supportive and never questioning or critical.
We flew her over here business class for Christmas and her grandson's first birthday.
I do. I love my MIL, she is fab. So kind and thoughtful. They are always asking if they can take the DC out for the day if they are going somewhere, especially if they are going out with my SIL and her family. They often ring and ask if FIL could pick up the boys to take them to the park for a couple of hours.
When I couldn't drive she organised lifts for me so we could attend things when DH was at work, even if it meant a 90 min round trip for them to pick us up. She rings to check on me if I have been ill. She is just so lovely. I love her as much as I love my own Mom.
I love my MIL. She is. Very traditional woman and can be judgemental but she has a heart of gold. I love her worts and all.
I did. She was really lovely and I miss her. Even though we disagreed on many things, she was very respectful of other people's differences and ways of doing things. I will try to be like her when I am a MIL.
Oh, also when DD was in hospital she looked after my boys for two weeks and really exhausted herself making sure they had a great time while we were stuck in the hospital for the whole time. Got halloween costumes, ferried them to school, took them to a party and on days out to keep them occupied. You couldn't ask for a better MIL!
We get on fine, in a fairly superficial, polite sort of way, but I find her intensely irritating if I have to spend more than a day or two in her company. We have absolutely nothing in common apart from the DCs (and she doesn't really seem that interested in them most of the time) and very different values, attitudes to life etc.
The situation is complicated by the fact that DH died six years ago, so although for the first 18 years I knew her I didn't really have to have that much to do with her as DH made all the phone calls etc (we were also living on the other side of the world most of that time), it is now up to me to maintain the relationship for the sake of the children. I get on much better with my father-in-law, at least in terms of finding things to talk about, although we are also poles apart in very many ways.
Me. Wish they lived closer!
My MIL is lovely and we get on great. She can fuss for England but I just let it wash over me as it's only because she cares. She has a great sense of humour and can laugh at herself and her daftness, which smooths over any ruffled feathers.
No. She put her marriage to her filthy pig of a child abusing second husband over her relationship with us so she's out of our lives.
My first MIL was and is lovely, supported me during the break up with ex and was wonderful and helpful.
My second MIL is great too, a lovely lady who works far too hard and will do anything for anybody, has always treated my DD as her own DG, she credits me with helping her DS to grow up
I luffs my MIL. She is fab.
Lovely MiL.. once I got to know her and she got to know me we are VERY different.
We get on well. she is gentle and kind and ditsy (told us the pub round the corner from le Manior was very reasonable for food - we had booked a romantic weekend to stay there and enjoy the food )
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
I love my mil, she is a wonderful, kind, thoughtful woman. She has endless energy for the DCs and has always treated me with respect. I consider her a friend, we have enjoyed many a night gossiping over a bottle of wine. I also consider myself very lucky
I haven't felt totally comfortable with mine since she spent a weekend at our when dd1 was little in which she spent a lot of the time saying things like "you won't have any friends if they see you've got more than two weeks' worth of dust on your mantelpiece"
I became less comfortable with her one Christmas when her and another dil were gossiping about the last dil and repeating things that bil had obviously made in confidence, in front of the whole extended family.
Things like "he thinks the sun shines out of her backside". I was really angry about this-other dil was very much encouraging, I told dh if she said anything like that again (after the second time) he needed to tell her how inappropriate it was. (he hadn't been there the first time)
I suspect fil may have said something-he's lovely.
So I always have the feeling she disapproves of me, and gossips about me.
I get on so much better with mine now I am divorced
She is my Dc granny and I do far more to facilitate there relationship than her own ds
I love my mum in law. Get on with her better than I do with my own mother. Also helps that she adores my dc1. Technically not a blood relation but she always refers to her as her eldest grandchild and love her to bits.
My mil is the most brilliant fun. 76 still working, loves dd to bits and will happily move into our house when dh and I fancy a weekend away. Dd and mil get up to all sorts of wine drinking chocolate eating silliness and then lie to us about it. She's a blast ! ( dd is 18 btw) love her!
I agree noisily with thesecond coming .... I hate mine and she hates me ... She,s bonkers.
A thinking of getting that printed on a t shirt tbh
My mil actually dies a few days before i was due to meet her!
My exs mother was a total bitch she thought she was so much better than me, horrible woman!
We have grown on one another over the past 24 years. She didn't warm to me nor me to her. We got on for the sake of dh and then the dc.
We now have a lovely relationship, she is really there for me since I lost my parents and I really appreciate what she does for us.
She convenientely lives and hour and half away from us, just in case she ever winds me up, lol.
My mil is amazing. She is a rock to our family and helps me accept that my mother is anything but. It is my mil who I want to see tomorrow and who is coming for lunch. I'm very lucky.
Just to add my grandmother still hates my mum after 30 years of being married to her DS.
She actually tried to pair my dad off with a
more suitable lady at there wedding reception, i thought this was hillarious!
Mine hasn't spoken to me for 15 years and its bliss. My husband still sees her regularly and the children see her about once or twice a year if she's lucky .
MIL and I have come a long way. She behaved appallingly at the time of my wedding. I forgave, we moved on. Now she's fabulous and I have come to love her. We're seeing her tomorrow.
That takes the biscuit, Midas!
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Nope. She's as mad as a box of frogs.
And after 17 years together DH spotted it too. Have had a relatively quiet (and stress free) 6 years now
I have a fantastic MIL. She's cheerful, kind, loving, good fun, generous and she adores our DS
Love that woman!
My MIL is fantastic. DH is her pet baby boy and is disabled so I was a bit worried at first that I would be elbowed out a bit but actually the complete opposite. She thanks md for looking after DH because she lives seeing him so happy, and spends ages telling me how great the children are.
She also had the biggest craft cupboard I've ever seen outside a nursery and will paint, stick and cut out with the DCs for hours.
No. I'm not approved of because I am an adult with my own mind and opinions. The only way to get on with my PILs, either of them, would be to morph into a "seen but not heard" 5 yr old.
I do make an effort to be civil simply because they are the only GPs that DDs have, but even OH has had enough and only calls/visits because of being guilt tripped.
I get on with mine but they just outstay their flucking welcome!!
Are they still doing that Ledkr? I remember a thread you did ages ago about them coming to stay when you just had a baby, iirc.
I get on very well with mine. She told me I was a whole world of good for her son and sat with me in hospital with our stillborn son when my dh and dm couldn't cope. Love her to bits.
No she's a narcisstic toxic poisoned dwarf, she is a wicked wicked woman!! Haven't seen her for 7 months and she lives 5 min away hopefully won't see her ever again!
Never really had a real relationship with mine. See her,about once every 2 months but she is really hard work to talk to. Very quiet and hard to keep a conversation going with. Organised lots of outings, meals etc with dc and myself (going to a psychic eve with her next week that I've booked), but even then the conversation is stilted to say the least. Would love a good friendship with her especially as fil passed away 6 yrs ago and she lives alone, but can't seem to find a relaxed common ground?
My MIL is a mental alcoholic. She was a dreadful parent, and tries but fails to be a better GM. She is terrified of me, just how I like it.
Not particularly, but that's nothing against her. The ILs in general aren't my kind of people, really. We're very different.
Mine is a very sweet lady but clearly finds me very disappointing as I am not concerned about provision of doilies, aprons or other 1950s housewife essentials. She is making great efforts for me to understand wifework, all of which is falling on deaf ears as I have no intention of doing any.
I also appear to become invisible in her presence due to the overwhelming importance of DH (yes, I have the more senior job, own the house, far more responsibility and earn about 3 times his salary - all of this surprises her every fucking time and apparently does not negate the need for me to do all the housework and remember every sodding birthday which DH could not possibly be expected to do)
However her telling my DM, she hoped 'it would last' on the day of our wedding is pretty irretrievable.
She means well but comes from another era - I think she finds me a complete puzzle.
cat yes they are still thick skinned and intrusive fuckers.
Weekend visits go on until 7.30 pm we tried going out but they stayed in our house even when we weren't there.
Mil is a controlling and self centred person but on the surface I'd day we can chat easily --just not until fecking midnight!!
I think my mil likes me! She says I'm doing a good job with DS which is nice but she doesn't seem to respect me e.g ignoring me when I speak or callin me 'she' in conversations when I'm stood right there remember her saying to DP in front of me "she might not take to breast feeding so don't buy a breast pump for her yet" (feels a bit like I'm talking about you not to you) I'm sure it's not meant that way but its ignorant & rude all the same!
She adores DS but says she wants to see him once a week at least but doesn't make the effort to come to us!
It's weird like some other posters have said I seem to have found the relationship more strained since DS came along!but feel like its my problem not hers (over sensitive I think)
I used to get on very well with my MIL.......... until DH & I had children. She used to like to come and stay and has always treated our house as her own (sometimes a little too much!)
Turns out she was 'grooming' me to become her carer in her later years, she started dropping hints about moving nearer to us and how her friend had sold her house and her daughter and husband had built an annexe onto their house for her to live in with its own front door, with access to and from main house and what a good idea that was, perhaps we could do that. What made her think I would favour her above my own parents is beyond me. DH fortunately was horrified at the thought of her having a 'granny flat', and said it is hardly fair and we cant offer to do that for one parent without the other so that was never going to be a flyer.
She had assumed that I was going to be a 'career girl' and we would not have children, so her response when told she was going to be a grandmother was to say 'Oh' and follow it with a Queen Victoria expression of 'we are not amused' and a catsbum mouth. And since then her behaviour towards me is like that of a naughty child.
There have been many incidents like this down the years, but I just let it wash over me now, things like she will kiss everyone else goodbye when we leave after visiting her, but not me. I answered the phone when she rang and chatted with her for a bit, then said I would get DH to come to the phone, she said not to bother as there was nothing important and she had chatted to me so she knew all was well. Next time she rang, he answered and she told him I wouldnt let her speak to him!!
Never mind - at least I will know what not to do when I am a MIL!!
I lost my MIL in 2011. She was wonderful - never criticised my parenting, treated me as completely special because I'd married the one son she thought would never settle down, was great with the DDs. We were very different people - she was traditionally American, strict 1950 values, religious, I had a 70s upbringing, am atheist, into attachment parenting. But we had absolute mutual respect. I miss her.
I'm just glad that my DH feels the same way about my parents, recently they told him they considered him their son and he nearly cried.
I've posted before about my MIL - she's a wonderful person and the best Mil I could ask for. She treats me like one of her own and always has - I'm an extremely lucky Dil!
No, but I've given up caring and past it trying.
Luckily I don't have to see her often but the insides of my cheeks are bitten to shreds with me stopping myself from shouting "Fuck Right Off and when you get there Fuck Off Some More" <<sigh>>
Mine was great and absolutely lovely to me from the day we met.
No mean feat since DH and I got engaged 6 weeks after we met and she didn't meet me until a week or two later. In the 13 years that followed I went on holiday several times with her and DFIL and her on her own, after he died and had lots of happy visits to her house.
She died 12 years ago, and I still miss her.
I have such an unusual MIL! She is very stoic, practical, outdoorsy and basically a complete tomboy. In fact she was rather intimidating as a future MIL when I was dating my now DH; she is on ski patrol, is a volunteer firefighter, paramedic and was a high school principal before she retired. She is an absolutely wonderful grandmother to my nephews. I actually think I have the best MIL I could ever have hoped for, completely on the other end of the scale from "interfering".
I'm not really close to her yet, after 4 years (we live a 5 hour plane ride away) but I am pretty reserved and stoic too, so she is my kind of person. The only thing I really see as being a potential issue is that I am an atheist whereas she and all my inlaws are devoutly christian. My DH (agnostic) and I lived together for several years before marrying, my MIL was deeply concerned and actually lost sleep over it. She sincerely worried about us, although she never spoke a word of it to me and was always welcoming to me. I was raised as a Catholic, but long ago lost any faith. DH diplomatically referred to me as "from the Catholic faith" on the only occasion they ever inquired apparently. It hasn't been an issue, but we are trying to get pregnant now so we'll see if that becomes an issue. From what I have experienced, I don' think so.
Adore mine. She forgave me for breaking up with her son when we were 16 and said even back then that she knew we would end up married. She was right :D
I love my MIL and can't wait to see her in April for first time in a year. She's the most loveliest person I know. She's like my 2nd mum
No. Lots of reasons but she thinks I stole her son and is very jealous of our relationship. She favours one of our dc over the others and I won't tolerate that.
My MIL is fantastic. I love her to bits!
I told her the other day that I was so lucky to have her as a mother in law and she just beamed. She never interferes but will help if she is able. She comes at everything from a completely different angle to me, but has long since realised (as have I) that we both want the best for my kids and we have built from there.
She was there for me when my Nan died and when I went to help my best friend at a desperate time. She willingly looks after the kids and loves seeing them. She is ace!
My MIL and I are very, very different people but in general we get on very well. We frustrate each other at times and when we made the mistake of going on a two week holiday it was a bit rough but in general we have a very good relationship.
She's a very kind and loving person, when DH and I were going through a rough patch she refused to interfere or take sides and when I was poorly she had me to stay for a few days just to help me get back on my feet. I could do a hell of a lot worse.
I like mine more than my own mum. She likes to micromanage and she has said the odd infuriating thing but mostly she is lovely, funny, interesting and one of the best people I've ever met.
I do mostly although there are moments when she annoys me. She's the same with DH so it isn't a MIL thing just how she is and has always been.
I'm lucky I get on with mine really well she's lovely.
My husband was married before and she was a -- bitch-- not very nice and the first time his mum met me she told her son what a great choice he'd made in me
She helped pay towards our wedding.Spoils the children.Sends us money towards a holiday in the summer and money towards Christmas.We don't ask for it and have tried to decline it loads of times but she gets upset if we try to say no.
I love my (not quite)MIL. She's bloody brilliant.
Mine has never liked me, but will never admit it. Very controlling and stubborn woman who will never admit she is in the wrong. It's such a charade, I know she doesn't like me, she knows I know, everyone in the entire family (DH's siblings/FIL, my parents) know she doesn't like me, however she will never openly come out and say it because then she gets revealed as the controlling and toxic woman that she is, because her reason for not liking me is that her son chose to marry me instead agreeing to an arranged marriage with the perfect import bride she had lined up for him abroad. So, she lives out her days making sly digs at me or alternatively denying my very existence in my DH's/DC's lives. My life would be a lot happier one if we didn't live so close to her.
Dp's mum (not mil yet, I really need to sort out my divorce) is absolutely lovely. She's so laid back and thoughtful.
I wish I could see more of her as she lives quite a way away. Cracking sense of humour and kind.
I love mine. She is a brilliantly hands-on Grandma, but never offers unsolicited advice, despite being a lactation consultant. She marks every occasion with buying me either an expensive handbag or a case of wine, and if she stays at our house to babysit while we go away, she looks for washing and cleans the whole house.
I think the key to this is two-fold. First, marry the black sheep of three brothers, and civilise him, and then, bear her first and (thus far) only grandchild.
I love my MIL to bits. She's incredibly supportive, kind, a great listener and would do anything for her/our family.
We've always got on well, and she's even more special now as I've just lost my own Mother.
My MIL is a fantastic grandmother, she is kind and generous, she has the best work ethic of anyone I have ever met and is fun and friendly.
BUT she never taught her son how to do any housework ( although he loves cooking and does it daily) she thinks I am a bit too much of a feminist and she never stops talking!
Other than that, she really is great!
I really like and respect my MIL and I think the feeling is mutual. However, we live on opposite sides of the world, so don't get to see each other very often.
DH has two brothers and my SIL's have clashed very badly with MIL. Not quite sure how there can be such a dichotomy. Am not close to SIL's at all, and unreasonableness seems to be theirs according to MIL's account of the situation, but there are two sides to every story.
Clashes seem to stem from her expectations over how often she gets to see her dgc, so perhaps my feelings towards her would be different if we lived closer together.
I am so jealous that so many people have such good relationships with their MIL's. I really struggle with mine. She's very controlling, critical, and doesn't like my parenting.(ie. I don't beat my kids as she believes I should).
I try to be nice and friendly but I often leave rooms in tears!! She too tries to win me by buying me presents which is very sweet but all are efforts are very superficial in the light of our bigger clashes.
Love mine. We don't have too many common interests and thus wouldn't otherwise be friends but she livres my dh and adores ds so we are fundamentally on the same side.
Mine is a bit mental and very self centred. Everything has to revolve around hre, every conversation comes back to her.
At the start of DW and my relationship she did all she could to break us up but we saw through it and we are still strong 14 yrs later.
She strongly favours SIL's daughter over ours but we think that is because SIL is sucha shite parent and Dniece is sucha fucked up child whereas ours is perfect!
DW and I have spent the last two months decorating her house for her so she can sell it and move in with us!
Should be fun.
Yes i prefer her to my own mother.
She is amazing
and annoying and i'd be lost without her!
What I find odd is that people seem to have so much higher expectations of their mil than of anybody else in their lives. No slack cut . At all. Ever.
And I think it's weird that practically every woman you meet over the age of, say, 55, is probably a MIL. And generally they are pleasant, reasonable, OK people trying to do their best in a difficult world. Sometimes getting it wrong, sometimes getting it right, usually just muddling through. And all our lovely mothers are our SILs' MILs. So how does that work?
Is there another dimension somewhere where all the psycho MILs live?
she's alright. she's very basic but I like her well enough and vice versa. only see her a couple of times a year as we don't live in the same country and neither speak the other language fluently enough to really get to know each other deeply.
we're not really the same sort of people but we respect each other
My MIL is lovely, but we have absolutely nothing in common! She's ultra traditional, doesn't speak great English and is a brilliantly dedicated homemaker, while I am from overseas, very average at DH's native language and am the main earner as DH is an academic... We just don't have a lot to talk about, every now and then she'll say things like "how nice that you're finally pregnant and can stop working forever!", or I ask really awkwardly for her advice with cooking and then we go back to silence.
We can't even talk about how great my DH is, because it is culturally not acceptable for her to boast about her kids! Am hoping that the arrival of a grandchild will give us something to bond over...
I find it odd that mothers of DDs are perfectly reasonable women and yet mothers of DSs can't get it right! It seems very odd when through nature or nurture they have produced the one man in the world that you chose to marry. It also seems odd that you run the risk of producing a mini MIL in your child- maybe her genes just missed a generation. My paternal grandmother died before I was born but I can see from photos that I look very like her.
I would agree that women will let their own mother get away with all sorts and yet would ban MIL from the house for far less!
My first was ok - she tried hard but could never get over how extremely lucky I was to have been married by her son!
My second was just lovely and we all miss her terribly. She died 18 months ago of pancreatic cancer. Horrible way to go for a genuine darling.
I love mine. She's much, much nicer than my own mother was.
I wish I had a MIL like some of the ones listed here. I was fully expecting to get on with my in laws in the same way I saw my siblings' other halves getting on with my parents but what I didn't realise is that DH comes from a highly dysfunctional family. MIL is toxic. FIL was emotionally incontinent.
Possibly respected, but definitely not liked by mine. I know that because she told my husband she didn't like me at all. She had a row with her son then turned it somehow into a catalogue of my sins/omissions/bad parenting.
All she wants her son to do is say he cares about her / loves her. But he won't, because he doesn't.
When she told him his father (her exH, who I adore as does DH) never wanted him I think that pretty much sealed her fate. She's moving a long way away and we are unlikely to see her again.
I wish my sons had had the chance to have such fab grandparents as other kids.
Mine is wonderful. Will drop anything to come and help us 300 miles away (backed up by FIL who is just as wonderful). Helps without being asked but keeps any judgements to herself except when needed (she banged then boyfriend's sister and my heads together at an early point when we did not get on at all and it was the right thing to do). I am soooo lucky.
DH loves his MIL. And the wooden spoon she gave him for his birthday .
I have no contact now with my own mother, dh has an appalling Mil.
My Mil is fantastic, supportive and I'm not sure I would have survived without her. I do feel a bit bad as due to my abusive upbringing I can be mental, and she has seen me at my worst (during breakdown) and I know as a result I am not always the easiest person. But she is great.
My almost mother in law was lovely. Even when I split up with her son she was there for us. She also always used to tell me she would help to bury exes body should the need arise. She really was a mother to me. Unfortunately she developed something similar to Parkinson's 3 years ago and is slowly dying. The woman she was is gone and I'm unable to visit her due to exes dad who hates me. I still always send flowers over with my sons so granny has something nice. Her children do nothing at all. Even on mothers day. I love and miss her so much and I hate that I can't be with her.
I get on quite well with my MIL. I used to get on a lot better with her, but she has done one or two things that have shown me a more unpleasant side than she shows to the world in general, so now that's always at the back of my mind.
She does try to railroad us sometimes, using tears and tantrums to get her own way, but we stand firm and it all blows over after a while.
I can't stand my neurotic controlling harpy of an MIL.
Unfortunately I have to keep it to myself as my oh thinks the sun shines out of her arse.
I adore my MIL. FIL is wonderful too. When asked how many daughters they have they say 3 (that includes me!). Smug.
Yes. We're very different but that's not a problem because we're both nice people.
I do and I know that I am not quite the sort of person she normally likes, so I appreciate it.
However, I am not 100% myself around her, but an getting closer to being. Just getting there slowly.
I know a lot of people who are firmly at tolerance level with mil
I do. My MIL is lovely.She tells me that she is proud to have me as her DIL. I don't understand why so many women don't get on with their MILs/DILs.
I have always got on well with friends' parents and boyfriends' parents in the past.
My MIL tries to play all the daughters in law off against each other so that she remains Queen Bee. I complained to DH about her for years. She has done some terrible things. We had been married and had been trying to start a family for years before I got pregnant, I had a scare half way through the pregnancy and she made out I was trying to get rid of the baby. When BIL and SIL got married she had a key to their flat whilst they were on honeymoon and she went in and unwrapped their wedding presents. When I had a mastectomy and chemo she didn't even offer to help or send a card or anything. It was at this point DH realized that I wasn't making a mountain out of a mole hill and that really she wasn't nice!
I love my MIL. She's generous and kind (and she thinks I'm too good for her son. )
I think she probably respects me and mostly likes me. I don't think I'm remotely what she had in mind as a DIL - not posh enough, not ambitious enough and not from the right family, but she also knows I will stand up to her so if she wants a good realtionship with her son, she has to behave! The funny thing is that her other DIL is much more like her and what she wants, and they don't get on very well at ALL.
I think I'd have loved mine too had the distance not dictated the need for overnight stays.
So effectively I never had time to get to know them before the full on experience of sharing a small house for a long period if time.
Lots of the issues wouldn't have happened without the house share need.
They seem to have fairly thick skin so then annoy us by overstepping the mark and being intrusive.
They are nice people actually but they need to respect the fact that their children are now grown up and have their partners to consider as well as them.
This thread has made me determined to be more upfront about what we want eg. " do you think you could get going a bit earlier on Sunday as we need a few hours to get ready for school and work?"
Rather than getting angry and seething quietly when they are still sat here at 7pm
I love her she's brilliant but we have 2 things in common her son and my son that's it.
Oh dear I'm a bit of a disappointment to mine. She is a lovely lady but very controlling and overbearing. I keep my distance as much as poss but my hub does visit her without fail every weekend for a few hours with my oldest son and I usually visit my mum at the same time. I am always polite and friendly to her but as soon as she gets me in a headlock she bangs on and on and tries to influence and manipulate things her way. It's a bit like a comedy farce when she is here with me darting from room to room and suddenly needing the loo or spotting something the kids need doing when the conversation gets tricky. It must be very frustrating for her. I will be devastated when she's no longer around though, so I suppose I do love her really, I just can't be with her a lot. If it makes it any better, I feel not dissimilar about my own mother too.
My MIL has some
deeply unpleasant "interesting" personality traits and our opinions differ on almost all topics (religion, politics, viewpoints on society, attitudes towards family) - but given all that we get on fairly well really. She loves spending time with her family, is generous, can be charming when she wants to and is a fantastic cook. I wish I found her easier to talk to though.
I get on well with my ILs. MIL is a bit overbearing & annoying. Sometimes my own parents are annoying too. My ILs are very generous with us & lovely with ds. We even go on long hols with ILs (they pay!) which we never do with my parents.
No. 10 years on, and not one of my in laws have any way if contacting me except via my husband. They have no interest in doing so either. Knowing what I know now, I would give the advice to think carefully about the family you are marrying into and what your relationship with them will be like.
I do. My MIL has been more like a mother to me than my own mother ever has.
Got on fine before i had kids. Not a fan since i've had kids, although live in different hemispheres so not much of a problem.
I think I'd have loved mine too had the distance not dictated the need for overnight stays. What ledkr said except with me it is 2 week stays in the same bungalow.
Mine is lovely. Bit too enthusiastic with DS but it comes from a good place and she isn't one to offer unwanted advice. FIL can be a bit irritating in a daily mail way, but dotes on DS (and is brilliant with him now he's a toddler). I wish they lived closer actually as they love to baby sit!
Mine is brilliant. I get on with my step MIL as well. No drama here. I was shocked when I first joined MN at the MIL threads.
I have an amazing mil, I don't know what we would have done without her these past few months.
She always puts family first and is a fantastic cook.
tricky, i don't dislike the,. yet they are very stiff upper lip types, emotionally distant, it has some perks as thry don't interfere to our faces
but you never really know what they are thinking, as they are quite guarded, even dh says they are emotionally repressed.
and its hard to form any real bond with such stiff upper lip, keep all opinions to themeselves types
tbh, we could see a hell of alot more of them, often we drive by there house and could easily call in for an hour but we don't as its not really that enjoyable iyswim
oh that sounds awful doesnt it, but if you act distant guess you become distant..........
Yeah, we get on well. She is pretty laid back so she's easy to be around/ talk to and we both like drinking tea and watching crap telly like Embarrassing Bodies and re-runs of Location, Location and Property Ladder. I'm not sure if she respects me, but I respect her as she brought up 3 kids on her own whilst running her own business, and they've all turned out brilliantly. She's only offered me parenting advice once and she was right (told me I needed to cut 2 yr old DS some slack re. his behaviour a few weeks after DD was born). She told me gently/ sensitively though so I didn't mind. Best of all, she sends me UK chocolate in the post (we live abroad). Only thing is I sometimes wish she'd be more straight with her opinions, as she often says what she thinks I want to hear, rather than what she thinks as she doesnt want to inconvenience anyone.
I really loved my MIL, she was brilliant, whilst we are like chalk and cheese personality wise, thought we had shared values.
But her behaviour this past year, to do with GC & child care, accusations to DH, and causing hurt over petty issues. She will twist everything into something negative.How to you try and live around somebody like this?
I now struggle to understand her,as her priorities are completely different to mine. She is not the family oriented person I thought she was. She is used to having it all her own way, as her husband (and previously both sons) have enabled her behaviour, they traditionally avoided standing up to her as they preferred a quiet life.
Unfortunately, both sons now try to distance themselves, her eldest has not allowed to his house in over 7 years. So she is the one who is loosing out, and it's so sad, because in her heart, I am sure she is probably one of the worlds most caring people, she has just become spoilt, and has an unrealistic view of the world.
I get on with mine.
We have our moments but who doesn't
My MIL thinks we get on, and that I like her.. But I don't like her at all!
That makes me sound awful, but you haven't met her. Easier to just smile and nod and pretend everything is fine!
My MIL is great and I luffs her She is always kind to me despite the fact that she must think I'm nuts
No, I don't. I would have really liked one of the nice relationships mentioned here. Wasn't possible because of how she treats my DH (and me by extension).
Liked my ex's mum a lot though
NO! My mil is a very selfish woman who has been very difficult in the past. When my DDs were babies and small children, we had a very difficult relationship. She wanted to be far more involved in our lives than I would let her. I am very independent and she did not understand me at all. I do realise that I was sometimes difficult too and played her at her own game.
Now the DDs are much older 13 and 11 we see very little of them. They travel a lot and we see them every 6 weeks or so. It is always a bit strained and I never relax around them at all.
Hmmm. A tricky one. I think my MIL and certainly my FIL find me baffling. I'm very much modern woman in a modern marriage where DH and I are equals and they don't get that at all. They also disagree with a lot of our parenting techniques.
I don't like them at all but have never said anything. My dislike is based on how they treat DH like a second class citizen compared to 'D'SIL. I feel so bad for DH, he's a lovely bloke and they don't know how lucky they are to have a decent man as a son.
I'm sad about this though, I hoped I would find a friend in whomever became my MIL. Especially as my mum died last year. You'd think if your DIL was motherless at a young age you'd might try to be there for her but nope.
I do. I actually am closer to my MIL than to my own Mum. She is fantastic.
Sadly no, I gave up trying to be nice years ago!
Mine is great, love her to bits.
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