to find friends sexual history a bit grim?

(255 Posts)
LoversThatWentWrong Sat 09-Mar-13 15:39:58

Now I'm not a prude or a "pearl clutcher" but we got onto the subject of how many people we had slept with etc and I found my friends sexual past not shocking, just really grim.

She has slept with 15ish people and couldn't remember half of their names. Nothing wrong with that if you're single and enjoy no strings attached sex but she only slept with most of these men in order to get her numbers up. To boast about how many men shes slept with.

I know other people who slept around a lot in their past but they did it because they were single and enjoyed sex - it wasn't about getting their numbers up at all.

pinkyredrose Sat 09-Mar-13 15:41:39

15? Is that all? Stop being so
judgemental.

Tee2072 Sat 09-Mar-13 15:42:00

Getting her numbers up? hmm Has she low self esteem then?

sooperdooper Sat 09-Mar-13 15:42:02

The rule about other people's sex life I always follow is, if you might not like the answer, don't ask the question

As long as she stayed safe and she doesn't have an issue about it, it's not your place to judge

pinkyredrose Sat 09-Mar-13 15:42:10

Oh and YABU

WireCatWhore Sat 09-Mar-13 15:42:12

Have you missed a zero off the end?

HerbyVore Sat 09-Mar-13 15:42:34

Judge-tastic!

grin

sooperdooper Sat 09-Mar-13 15:42:40

Oh, and agree with pinkyrefrose, 15 isn't that many anyway

WorraLiberty Sat 09-Mar-13 15:42:45

It sounds like she worded it wrong and meant 'to experience a variety of men' or something.

If it was numbers and boasting she was into, she'd just lie...no-one would know.

MrsWolowitz Sat 09-Mar-13 15:42:47

On the one hand, it's none of your business but on the other, sleeping around just to get her 'numbers up' is wierd and very immature, and well, yes a bit grim.

Each unto their own, I couldn't care less about anyones 'number' or their reasons why as long as they are ok with it themselves.

Hassled Sat 09-Mar-13 15:44:11

Is 15ish really that bad?

Anyway - I do agree that sleeping with someone for the numbers is madness but I doubt that's actually why she's doing it; it's much more likely to be to do with self-esteem/needing validation that she's attractive.

LadyPessaryPam Sat 09-Mar-13 15:44:23

That's a paltry score.

pinkyredrose Sat 09-Mar-13 15:44:53

Yes what 'worra' said, she could've lied about her number and no-one would know.

OTTMummA Sat 09-Mar-13 15:46:56

The number is irrelevant really, as it depends on each persons 'number' as to wether they think it is low or high ( its higher than I would be comfortable with ) but so long as she is happy about it then I don't see why you should dwell on it :S
Or am I just weird to not be interested in other people's sexual history?

YABU. The only sex life I'm interested in is my own. Couldn't give a flying fuck about anyone elses, or how many people they've slept with either. It's none of your business, stop judging.

HillBilly76 Sat 09-Mar-13 15:48:34

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

HollyMadison Sat 09-Mar-13 15:49:44

Er, you don't sound a very good friend.

LoopDeLoops Sat 09-Mar-13 15:49:52

You know what's really grim? You coming on ere to tell us that.

LoversThatWentWrong Sat 09-Mar-13 15:50:25

I think people are reading this wrong, or I've worded myself badly. I don't care how many she (or anyone else) has slept with - could 15/150/1500. I don't care.

The number is irrelevant.

It's the fact that she slept with most of them to say that she'd slept with this many. She said she had a competition going with a friend of who could sleep with more men etc.

LoopDeLoops Sat 09-Mar-13 15:51:15

Yeah, she 'said' that. Whatever. hmm

LaQueen Sat 09-Mar-13 15:51:50

God, there is nothing more dreary than other people's sex lives...I'm not remotely interested.

LoversThatWentWrong Sat 09-Mar-13 15:52:36

Couldn't give a flying fuck about anyone elses, or how many people they've slept with either

Neither could I. I'm not judging the number in the slightest. It's the reason behind it.

juneybean Sat 09-Mar-13 15:53:22

It's all subjective surely, 15 is a lot to me.

500internalerror Sat 09-Mar-13 15:53:51

If she did all this post 30, when she should have gone past this kind of phase, that's one thing. But I'm guessing this is 15 over a lifetime, including the carefree years? If so, it's nothing. Most people have had fun in the past.

LoversThatWentWrong Sat 09-Mar-13 15:53:58

LoopDeLoops she did say that yes.

Otherwise I'd just assume the same that she might have done it to make herself feel desirable.

Nancy66 Sat 09-Mar-13 15:54:26

as long as all parties are consenting it doesn't matter.

sex can be something you have in a loving, committed relationship or it can be meaningless, recreational fun...up to the person doing the shagging

BabyRoger Sat 09-Mar-13 15:54:40

I wouldn't think twice about a conversation like that. She can do what she likes.

LoversThatWentWrong Sat 09-Mar-13 15:55:19

It's all subjective surely, 15 is a lot to me.

Thats the thing though, I'm not judging about the actual figure. I genuinely do not care how many shes slept with.

juneybean Sat 09-Mar-13 15:56:12

No I know that, it was to the others saying it wasn't that many smile

teatrolley Sat 09-Mar-13 15:56:56

So?

Ledkr Sat 09-Mar-13 15:57:11

Yes 15 is very grim indeed <shakes head> she hasn't lived grin

LadyClariceCannockMonty Sat 09-Mar-13 15:57:32

Who cares?

biscuit

LoversThatWentWrong Sat 09-Mar-13 15:58:59

Yes 15 is very grim indeed

Again - not about the number. Could be 15,000,000,000 for all I care.

I find it grim that some people would sleep with someone purely to say they've slept with a certain amount of people.

WorraLiberty Sat 09-Mar-13 16:00:28

I know other people who slept around a lot in their past but they did it because they were single and enjoyed sex - it wasn't about getting their numbers up at all.

It's the fact that she slept with most of them to say that she'd slept with this many. She said she had a competition going with a friend of who could sleep with more men etc.

Well there you go then.

She's still doing it because she's single and she enjoys sex, isn't she?

Otherwise she wouldn't be having a silly competition...

LadyClariceCannockMonty Sat 09-Mar-13 16:00:31

Yes, we know, OP. Others are saying that they don't care why someone has slept with someone.

grin Ledkr

LoopDeLoops Sat 09-Mar-13 16:00:50

Do you have issues with sex?

So she had a competition with a friend to see who could sleep with as many guys as possible in a given time?

Meh - from what I can recall of my youth, blokes used to do this quite a lot.

You don't like the reason she did it, fine. That's down to you - you would be unreasonable though to let it affect your friendship with her however.

Tee2072 Sat 09-Mar-13 16:01:19

It's low self esteem, as I said. The more men who fuck her the more she can convince herself she's worth something and better than her friend.

Sad, really,

OP You seem to have missed the rest of Ledkr's post, she said that as a joke.

And no, it's not grim it's her body to do with what she pleases.

LoversThatWentWrong Sat 09-Mar-13 16:04:25

Yeah I think you're right Tee

And no I don't have any issues with sex Loop - I just think if you want to have meaningless sex then it should be for the reason that you're doing it to have careless fun.

Not to be proud and feel it somehow makes you better to have slept with x number of people.

I find you behaviour (judging her, starting a thread that she would recognise herself from, and more or less slagging her off) a lot worse than grim tbh,

Megatron Sat 09-Mar-13 16:05:07

But you must have thought the number relevant to include it in your OP? The reasons are her reasons so it doesn't matter to you or anyone else really does it?

OP, YABVU and it's probably time to admit it and back down before people begin to think you're a frothing berserker.

OkayHazel Sat 09-Mar-13 16:20:36

I think it's none of your bloody business what she does in bed, for whatever reason she may do it.

I think I may have been your friends competitor. I won by loads.

AmberLeaf Sat 09-Mar-13 16:24:16

I think saying she did it 'to get my numbers up' sounds like the sort of thing someone might say if they were worried about being judged about having casual sex IMO.

LessMissAbs Sat 09-Mar-13 16:26:35

She was probably joking about the competition with her friend thing OP. Or perhaps she considers you easily shocked and just said it to shock you. If shes only slept with 15 men in her entire life and isn't in a serious or long term relationship, shes not doing all that well in that competition, is she?

As far as I'm aware, we are not under The Taliban in this country and women aren't normally judged that harshly here for this.

Yep, I was about to post what amber said - she might well be saying this because she's worried about being judged (or indeed because it's none of your business!).

15 people doesn't sound a huge amount to me (although it's a lot more than I've slept with because I have had a sad, sheltered, and deprived life grin). Don't most people sleep with a few people they aren't entirely proud to admit to later? So long as it's consensual and safe, IMO it's a natural part of having a sex life.

calypso2008 Sat 09-Mar-13 16:29:11

I'm not clear - 'about 15ish' yet she had sex with them 'to get her numbers up'

Surely she would know names and numbers? Your post makes no sense.

15? pathetic wink

IfNotNowThenWhen Sat 09-Mar-13 16:31:43

Is it possible you are a bit jealous OP? Otherwise, why would you possibly care?

Well, her attitude is much better than thinking that the fewer people you have sex with, the more morally superior you are.

ruledbyheart Sat 09-Mar-13 16:34:31

My number is a hell of a lot higher from my younger days a lot of them was to seeif I could sleep with them not because I wanted too.
I had very low self esteem and it made me feel better about myself knowing that all these men found me attractive enough to sleep with (nieve young me).

Eebahgum Sat 09-Mar-13 16:40:29

I think the only unreasonable thing she did was telling you. She clearly had no idea how judgemental you are about other people's sex lives.

whateveritakes Sat 09-Mar-13 16:45:46

I don't think the "competition" aspect is that uncommon. It's something you grow out off. Lot's of us did it for a while but I can't think of anyone who bothered with it was they were in their 30's
A bit of a ladette phase could be described as grim but that's up to her to say.

Patchouli Sat 09-Mar-13 16:56:30

I think she's got your number OP.

ChairmanWow Sat 09-Mar-13 18:07:53

Agree Patchouli. Anyway, even if she is genuinely in competition is she shagging blokes she doesn't want to shag? Do you think the men are bothered if it's strings-free sex?

I'd have wiped the floor with her in my youth btw. I was a right tart grin

RattyRoland Sat 09-Mar-13 18:17:37

Yabu, leave the poor woman alone. 15 is very low too.

flippinada Sat 09-Mar-13 18:21:51

I thought this was going to be something like she'd been an escort or a porn star (Not that someone should be judged for either of those things mind you) but all she's done is sleep with fifteen men! What's wrong with that?

YABU. You don't get to choose what are valid reasons to have sex- whether it's 'to get numbers up' or just because she likes casual sex, it's not for you to decide whether it's 'grim' hmm

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHopeful Sat 09-Mar-13 18:43:37

I am shocked by her number too.

If she has been actively trying to get her numbers up 15 is a piss poor effort. grin

In my competing days I would have had 15 a week wink poor show by ops friend.

badbride Sat 09-Mar-13 18:47:48

OP, I think you're being unfairly criticised here. If one of my friends confided the same to me, I would be concerned, not just for her emotional wellbeing, but for her physical safety too.

Shagging random blokes, half of whose names you cannot remember, merely to boost your "number" is not the action of a liberated, sexually fulfilled woman in charge of her sexual destiny, IMO. Quite apart from the safety aspect of it: if she doesn't know these men's names, what else about them does she not know?

If she is picking up strangers in bars, she really ought to have a friend she calls each time, to say where she is and with whom. Just to be on the safe side.

AnyFucker Sat 09-Mar-13 18:51:46

15? is that all?

All I would hope for her is that she had a good time, stayed safe and all her partners were single

ChairmanWow Sat 09-Mar-13 19:34:38

Shagging random blokes, half of whose names you cannot remember, merely to boost your "number" is not the action of a liberated, sexually fulfilled woman in charge of her sexual destiny, IMO

Why isn't it? If the OP said she kept shagging men she didn't fancy, had massive regrets, felt used etc then I'd agree. Sounds like she's going out there and sleeping with whomever she pleases. She might get off on the no names bit. She might not give a toss what their name is, she just wants to get into their pants. Presumably the men are more than willing so I don't see the problem and I don't see how that demonstrates she's not in charge of her sexual destiny at all.

expatinscotland Sat 09-Mar-13 19:35:33

Only 15? blush

lemonstartree Sat 09-Mar-13 19:41:51

why on earth do you care ? are you 12?

ElectricSoftParade Sat 09-Mar-13 19:52:22

Well, good luck to her as long is she is having a grand old time and is safe.

Not saying you are necessarily saying this but it gets right on my tits when women are judged for the amount of partners they have had.

I like sex and, the dark distant past, had a number of partners. It hasn't hurt anyone, least of all me.

badbride Sat 09-Mar-13 19:56:23

Chairman Because the friend seems to be motivated by the idea that she has to get her numbers up, which suggests to me that she is conforming to peer pressure, rather than exploring her sexuality in a way that suits her.

I may be wrong, of course. But I have seen similar cases amont people I know: folk being pressured to have more partners than they would otherwise have chosen to, if left to themselves. People seem to equate sexual liberation with having lots of partners: I don't think this is true.

ReluctantBeing Sat 09-Mar-13 19:56:29

15 is nothing. I don't ever think about the vast majority of men I have slept with and therefore have long forgotten their names.

ElectricSoftParade Sat 09-Mar-13 19:59:10

You know, I can't actually remember every partner I have had.

Disclaimer: I had a major head injury and I forget things. I am occasionally surprised when a partner pops into my mind and think "Oh". I also can't remember adjectives but am alright with verbs grin.

Still don't judge though.

thornrose Sat 09-Mar-13 20:01:06

I've just tried to remember the names of all my previous partners. I'm struggling to be honest and I haven't had loads, some just weren't memorable. Stop judging and trying to dress it up as concern.

she may also not entirely understand her own motivations due to a variety of reasons, and may be just trying to start dialogue with you about it in order to understand her own feelings more clearly. Or she might just like it right up her. It's sad you feel this way towards some one who's meant to be your friend

ChairmanWow Sat 09-Mar-13 20:50:32

badbride that's not how I read it. Anyway, as I said, if she's doing stuff she regrets then I'd agree. But there is no suggestion that that's the case. I can see why some might find the bet distasteful but the fact she's in a competition does not of itself mean she's not having a great time. She can do both.

Moistenedbint Sat 09-Mar-13 21:11:01

British women, on average, have 4-5 sexual partners during their life-time, so "15" is above average. Despite what folks are hinting on this thread wink

You say she only increased her conquests for the bragging opportunity afforded to her... And tbh, I was left wondering what bloody age she is. Is her life that inane?

IfNotNowThenWhen Sat 09-Mar-13 21:15:15

4-5??
I reckon that most of my friends had passed 20 partners by their latetwenties. Mind you, we are a right bunch of old slappers.
I have probably slept with the least men, by far. It's still more than 15 though!
(I can remember all their first names) grin

Moistenedbint Sat 09-Mar-13 21:15:20

One thing seems apparent - bragging about sexual conquests is becoming as prevalent amongst women as it is men. It's sad, needy, approval seeking crap tbh.

Moistenedbint Sat 09-Mar-13 21:17:42

Not referring to you ifnotnowthenwhwhen ..

(Unfortunate timing yadayada)

15?

grin grin grin grin grin grin

fuckwittery Sat 09-Mar-13 21:19:09

Maybe she just said that as she knows you're a prude and it would wind you up. Seriously though, do you really think if she gave that as a reason it's true? There are pretty varied and complex reasons to sleep with people that its hard to summarise in an off hand conversation and she might have meant it in a oh I was sowing my wild oats back then sort of thing - so what.

I found it interesting that you said up thread, if she hadn't said that you'd have assumed she'd done it to make herself feel desirable. Maybe she just enjoys sex?

fuckwittery Sat 09-Mar-13 21:20:28

trashcanjunkie she might just like it right up her grin grin
You put I far better

Booyhoo Sat 09-Mar-13 21:22:25

i dont get why you get to judge her reasons for having consentual sex. are you worried about her emotional well-being? if so why are you on here bitching about her rather than saying "i'm worried about my friend" if you aren't worried that she is insecure or trying to boost her self esteem then why does it matter if she did it for a competition?

If she did it purely to boast she'd have slept with thousands. 15 is hardly in the realms of Annabel Chong hmm

Adversecamber Sat 09-Mar-13 21:23:22

I am a total prude and am practically unsullied but it really is up to your friend. Most of my friends that are over 40 have numbers similar to this. I was taken aback when SIL told me she had slept with 35 men. As long as people are safe is the main thing.

badbride Sat 09-Mar-13 21:26:22

Chairman Fair enough: it's tricky to read between the lines of the original post and guess what's going through the OP's friend's head. And sure, if she's happy, safe and having a great time, good for her. I got a different impression from the OP though.

Anyway. I reckon the best thing would be for the OP to tactfully explore the reasons behind her friend's activities, just to make sure she's OK.

TheSecondComing Sat 09-Mar-13 21:28:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shesariver Sat 09-Mar-13 21:31:50

She said she had a competition going with a friend of who could sleep with more men etc

That sounds like good fun to me actually! Well not now as Im a happily married woman but if I was younger and single, mmm....

RatPants Sat 09-Mar-13 21:33:18

15 isn't that many. Why was she trying to "up" her numbers?!

Moistenedbint Sat 09-Mar-13 21:34:47

She said she had a competition going with a friend of who could sleep with more men etc

Mmmm classy chick...

badinage Sat 09-Mar-13 21:38:03

Anyone who competes with anyone about how many people they've shagged is a bit of a tit really. It's like the threads that crop up occasionally on Mumsnet asking the same question. I mean, who gives a shit? Why do people have these conversations, or reply to threads with their 'tallies'? Is it to boast, shock, compete or goad?

badbride Sat 09-Mar-13 21:42:45

On a lighter note, I am utterly shock at some of the numbers confessed to on this thread. Not from a moral perspective, you understand, but one of logistics. Where the hell do you find all those blokes? A male-order catalogue??? grin

TheSecondComing Sat 09-Mar-13 21:49:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bitofagirl Sat 09-Mar-13 21:55:42

She has nothing to be ashamed of at all! OP you need to get a life! I am so glad I don't have judgemental friends like you.

We had a wall chart in uni back in 1996.

idiot55 Sat 09-Mar-13 22:36:37

I read the post differently to most other people, I think the OP was referring to the fact that her friend was nt young and single when these encounters took place nad that was why she was shocked?

IfNotNowThenWhen Sat 09-Mar-13 23:00:49

badbride
Well. If you start at 17, and have, say, 15 years of single-ness, you might meet one or two blokes a year, sooo...
When you are young and unencumbered,and go out a lot, it's not difficult to find willing partners.
Would that it were as easy now!

chandellina Sat 09-Mar-13 23:04:30

Who cares?

Booyhoo Sat 09-Mar-13 23:05:34

idiot55

you think OP's issue is that her friend is too old for sex or that she is in a relationship? confused

idiot55 Sat 09-Mar-13 23:09:57

oops, I thought she meant most of the encounters took place while in a relationship and thats why she was shocked.

Jengnr Sat 09-Mar-13 23:12:34

Oh so what? Who cares who other people shag?

Booyhoo Sat 09-Mar-13 23:12:38

i dont think so but i could be wrong.

ifancyashandy Sat 09-Mar-13 23:23:57

Slightly off topic but a few weeks ago I bumped into an ex. He always was a judgmental arse. I'm a long time single & he asked me 'so, do you just have sex with one night stands' in a sneery voice. The answer (apart from 'why do you give a shit?') was 'abso-fucking-lutely. I'm a single woman, no kids & am over 16 (and some) who always practices safe sex. I may - once or twice a year or so - allow a chap to come home with me. Your point Mr Ex?'

Some of my married / long term partnered up friends cannot comprehend my behaviour. They think my self esteem must be lacking. It ain't. I prefer & like myself more single.

Perhaps the same stands for your friend but she feels she has to defend in the face of some opposition?

Booyhoo Sat 09-Mar-13 23:33:38

what is it with asshole exes still thinking they are entitled to info about your sex life? my ex did similar recently in a "I just want you to be happy" way, saying that it was ok for me to have a fuck buddy because everyone needs one of those! hmm i didn't divulge whether i did or didn't btw. nosey git. fuck off and get your own sex life to talk about.

ifancyashandy Sat 09-Mar-13 23:42:44

I know * Booyoo*! He proceeded to tell me about myself. In a way that'd reduced me to tears backin the day. It was hugely satisfying to retort that his opinion of me meant nothing to me. And mean it. Soooo 'freeing'.

Strange that it made him make a pass at me..

It's been 15+ years you nobber hmm and grin

Booyhoo Sat 09-Mar-13 23:47:38

what a dick! some people need to learn when to let go (which would ideally be the point at which i asked you to leave)

ifancyashandy Sun 10-Mar-13 00:01:45

To be fair, I was devastated when we ended. Fifteen years ago. [Hmm]

Am kinda over it now the faceless (safe)shagging helped. A lot Can't say I behaved with dignity back in the day. But we were together 10 years & he shagged me ex-best mate broke my heart. And i was a bit, honestly, deranged. So maybe he was getting his own back. But it was lovely to be detached and slightly quizzical & amused by his behaviour.

Booyhoo Sun 10-Mar-13 00:15:24

grin

i think it's safe to say you are well rid. i breathed a MASSIVE sigh of relief when exp left (without a fuss which helped a great deal). it's the fuss he has created since then that has caused more hmm moments. cool and detatched. that's my mantra.

ifancyashandy Sun 10-Mar-13 00:24:39

It's a fair mantra. As I learnt too late a few weeks ago. Yay us!

NoTimeForS Sun 10-Mar-13 00:41:04

She was having a competition to have sex with the most partners possible for part of this total, which is 15...

I wonder if there were restrictive rules in place. They had to be called Michael. Or... they had to have 3 nipples. They had to have studied Business Studies with a year abroad. Oh! They all had to have also previously had sex with Angela Simpkins, the dentist from Worcester.

This sounds like a fun game. What about we have one now on mumsnet? How many men can you sleep with in the next year who can ride a unicycle? Ready, set, GO!!

Booyhoo Sun 10-Mar-13 00:46:37

do previous unicyclists count?

for a while i went through a 'J' phase. unintentionally, but the 'J' era exists nonetheless.

ifancyashandy Sun 10-Mar-13 00:54:59

I've slept with a lecturer in being a clown! Honestly! Does that count?! Truly, he's a PhD in Circus god bless the Danes

tethersend Sun 10-Mar-13 00:57:57

Everyone knows its only girls with low self esteem who have sex.

Nice girls just get fingered by the bins behind Woolworths.

pinkyredrose Sun 10-Mar-13 01:04:54

tethers grin

ifancyashandy Sun 10-Mar-13 01:12:36

Thank the Holy Lord above for my low self esteem grin

IneedAsockamnesty Sun 10-Mar-13 01:47:00

And here is the reason you should never talk about your historical sex life with anybody at all.

Its nothing to do with anybody else and always causes problems

ErikNorseman Sun 10-Mar-13 10:34:47

I had a 'competition' going with another single friend for a few months in my very early twenties. We allocated points for a snog, a shag, more points for one you hadn't done before, points taken away if you went there with an ex...it was all a big joke and although we kept a running total there was no suggestion that we did anything in order to beat the other one! It was silly, immature humour.

ErikNorseman Sun 10-Mar-13 10:36:44

I will admit that I don't remember never asked all their names! And I don't care...

Confused40 Sun 10-Mar-13 10:46:06

Agree with most of the comments on here about YABU! It speaks volumes about your judgment of your friend based on her sexual history. Its her life, her body, as it is your life and your body. Its called choice and its her choice to sleep with as many people as she so desires. The reasons behind why she slept with them is irrelevant! Its her body, her choice, her reason for doing it, her life! What you could advise however, is that she might want to think about safe sex in order to not contract any STD's.

ChairmanWow Sun 10-Mar-13 13:14:28

This sounds like a fun game. What about we have one now on mumsnet? How many men can you sleep with in the next year who can ride a unicycle? Ready, set, GO!!

Come Mnetters, someone has to bite. Us old married gits need sexy younglings to live vicariously through. Someone start the MN Unicycle Challenge thread so all you laydeez with low self esteem can cheapen yourselves for our pleasure.

Ifancyahandshandy was he dressed as a clown at the time. Extra points for you if he was smile

ChairmanWow Sun 10-Mar-13 14:05:14

Even more points if he rode into the room on one of those tiny bicycles.

Don't want to bumlick but I love your posts ChairmanWow

AnyFucker Sun 10-Mar-13 15:01:27

I second that emotion, AKINAC smile

I shagged a fella once who rode a tandem. Could I sneak that one in ?

Briefly went out with a lad who could ride a unicycle. Also could juggle and do fire eating.

Insert joke here about being good with his hands or summat...

ChairmanWow Sun 10-Mar-13 18:12:23

You guys! blush

Actually you've really cheered up a massively pregnant and grumpy old git. Thanks me lovelies!

Fire eating...is that a euphemism for something? <snigger>

Presumably you rode it with him AF, riding solo on a tandem would look a bit lonely.

McNewPants2013 Sun 10-Mar-13 22:15:45

I only judge people who have many sexual partner without using a condom.

The reason is that i think that person is putting themselves at risk of a serious STD

Writehand Sun 10-Mar-13 22:22:23

She said she had a competition going with a friend of who could sleep with more men etc.

Is she very ugly or something? Because most young women could score 365 in a year no problem if they really wanted to. Getting men to sleep with you is hardly difficult.

I'd go so far as to say that a score of 15 in a competition as to who could sleep with the most men is totally pitiful. Unless it was over a two week holiday. smile

AnyFucker Mon 11-Mar-13 10:07:43

AKINAC, I never got the opportunity sad

It's been on my mind ever since, what an opportunity I missed out on ... wink

Pendeen Mon 11-Mar-13 10:14:23

Another here who thinks that 15 is a lot.

Writehand Mon 11-Mar-13 12:06:30

The numbers business depends on the individual's life history. 15 might seem a lot if you settled down early. Some people get married in their teens. But if you were still playing the field from 16 to 35 then 15 would be fewer than one a year.

I still think 15 is a pathetic score if, as she claimed, she was in competition to see how many men she could have sex with. If sex is all you're after, men are mostly not so much 'easy' as downright desperate.

valiumredhead Mon 11-Mar-13 12:35:24

If she did it purely to boast she'd have slept with thousands. 15 is hardly in the realms of Annabel Chong

grin

Pendeen Mon 11-Mar-13 12:59:20

"But if you were still playing the field from 16 to 35 then 15 would be fewer than one a year."

Which is a lot IMO.

KellyElly Mon 11-Mar-13 13:04:42

If a man was posting on here about having a shagging competition with his mate to 'get his numbers up' I can see the responses going a different way grin

valiumredhead Mon 11-Mar-13 13:08:32

Good grief!

imnotmymum Mon 11-Mar-13 13:12:26

why are you worried OP does she it is "grim".

nulgirl Mon 11-Mar-13 13:15:14

Another poster who thinks that 15 is pitifully low if the friend was actually competing to see how many people she could shag. I've slept with more than that and have been with my husband since I was 23.

That statistic about the average woman sleeping with 4 men her entire life seems to be complete crap as well. Are women lying to make themselves seem "purer" and therefore better or was the survey done pre-contraception when there were serious repercussions to having sex?

valiumredhead Mon 11-Mar-13 13:15:58

4?????????shock

ChairmanWow Mon 11-Mar-13 13:16:41

Aw this thread's no fun any more sad

FWIW I don't think it would be reasonable to flame a guy for being in competition if it's just about numbers. If it was a bet to bed a particular woman yes, but just generally tarting around with people you fancy is fine even if there is a bit of a competition to spice things up. Blimey we didn't used to keep tabs but we'd share all the gory details with great glee. <sighs wistfully>

Wallison Mon 11-Mar-13 13:32:54

I actually think it's better to be a bit light-hearted about the dating game with silly competitions etc than to get all hung-up on What Women Should Do.

And I agree that 15 is a woefully low tally if you're trying to beat another person with numbers.

Also, I can't remember the name of everyone I've shagged - why would I? I hardly spend every night crying into my lonely pillow over them. grin

ChestyLeRoux Mon 11-Mar-13 13:36:19

Agree 15 is hardly that big a number.I definitely dont believe the 4 statistic.

Writehand Mon 11-Mar-13 13:41:51

If the 4 number is an average then I must have stolen a whole street's worth of other women's sex lives! Cheeky grin

I agree with Chairman Wow. This thread's no fun any more. Talking about numbers is a bit pointless. People are so very different. Just as with parenting there are a million ways of having a happy, emotionally satisfying sex life -- and all of them are right.

Wallison Mon 11-Mar-13 13:44:12

Re circus performers - I recently got messaged by one on OKCupid. He describes himself as 'polyamorous' and ran a workshop that my son attended. So I suppose that's my opportunity to take one for the team.

AnyFucker Mon 11-Mar-13 14:20:07

I was joking about tandem guy, btw

I've never met anyone with a tandem, but I bet it would be cool

I was hoping for double points grin

MooMooSkit Mon 11-Mar-13 14:24:13

15 isn't a lot. :S Baring in mind a lot of people don't get their first serious partner till mid twenties that's def quite normal. I was my other half's first serious girlfriend and he was 24 when i met him. He had his first girlfriend at 15 and he spent most of his teens/20s in 10 month - 1 year relationships so just with proper girlfriends he was already on 10. Then he had a few flings so i think even he is on 20 odd.

You'd hate me then to. Mine is at least double fifteen. If that disgusts you I don't care. I was single and I still had sexual needs, I just didn't want to be tied down to a man. If anyone looked down on me they wouldn't be my friend anyway because of that. Think you need to stop being so judgemental so yeah YABU.

pinkyredrose Mon 11-Mar-13 14:25:29

Lol @ Pendeen thinking that less than one man a year is alot!

MooMooSkit Mon 11-Mar-13 14:28:07

Also 15 for a woman is really low. Woman can get sex off anyone. 80% of men are desperate and will sleep with anyone, regardless whether they find them attractive or not! You can walk into any nightclub and be 20 stones, as long as you have a vagina, you will pull. Even if she's doing it to get her numbers up its none of your business.

JiminyCricketsMiddleWicket Mon 11-Mar-13 14:42:43

Ive only ever had sex with a man that would/could/might father my baby.
No contraception is infallible and it's my criteria. Would you have sex with this man if you were welded to him via a child for the rest of your life ?
As a result I have had zero casual sex. And I don't understand why anyone does.

pinkyredrose Mon 11-Mar-13 14:50:04

jiminy get that stick out of your arse.

issimma Mon 11-Mar-13 14:50:24

It's rude to keep a tally.

AnyFucker Mon 11-Mar-13 15:21:33

Jim,, have you arrived in a time machine from the 1950's,, love?

Because sex is fun, jim. That's some other people's criterion, you know.

I have slept with five people, which makes me quite pathetic, and it wasn't for want of trying, I'm just hopelessly monogamous and inclined towards getting coupled up. I find it very pleasant and reassuring that there are lots of women out there enjoying all the sex with lots of nice men, that I never managed to get to. smile

Some people like casual sex, some people can only enjoy sex if they feel they are IN A Serious Relationship, some people don't like sex very much and some people get their jollies by obsessing over what other people do...

TheBigJessie Mon 11-Mar-13 15:51:54

If she only slept with them "to get her numbers up" and yet it's only 15, then she must have also been extremely discerning. grin

Hardly "grim".

AmberSocks Mon 11-Mar-13 15:53:47

15 isnt many really,ive slept with betwee 40 and 50,and i didnt know the surames of most of them,and i cant remember all of them now,although i would if someone said remember so and so.

doesnt bother me,doesnt bother my dh.dont really regret it but dont feel proud of it either.

LoversThatWentWrong Mon 11-Mar-13 15:55:38

Yawn. Seriously this thread is still going on?

Firstly I don't care how many people anyone has slept with.

I also don't judge people who enjoy casual sex. Lord knows I used to do that.

I just think that anyone who sleeps with someone for the sole reason for getting their number up quite grim.

I think you should have casual sex with people because you're attracted to them or just want to have fun. Not to say I've slept with X amount of people and think this somehow validates you.

And to whoever said I was jealous. No I'm really not. I've slept with more than 15 but the number is irrelevant.

So yes I was being unreasonable to perhaps judge her for her reasons for doing it.

But I still think it's quite grim for anyone to sleep with someone to boast about their numbers.

IfNotNowThenWhen Mon 11-Mar-13 15:55:46

" a fella who rode a tandem" sounds like a euphemism for something. But what...?

JiminyCricketsMiddleWicket Mon 11-Mar-13 15:56:17

No I am not in a time machine" lovey". when I had my threesome I knew that I would be happy to (potentially) conceive with either one.

ChairmanWow Mon 11-Mar-13 16:01:04

As a result I have had zero casual sex. And I don't understand why anyone does.

So does that mean you were in a relationship in both the participants then? If not then one of them was casual. Was he the one who ripped your judgy pants off with his teeth?

ChairmanWow Mon 11-Mar-13 16:01:29

<with> both.

Eebahgum Mon 11-Mar-13 16:02:44

Just catching up on this thread and finding it funny that pendeen thinks one shag a year is a lot. I'd like to think the vast majority of adults have sex more than once a year!

monkeysbignuts Mon 11-Mar-13 16:04:31

15 is a lot to me too :/

valiumredhead Mon 11-Mar-13 16:08:31

I am 42, if my first sexual partner was at 20 and I had one once a year from then on that would be 22 partners - hardly a lot!

It's a lot fewer than that but you get my drift!

OkayHazel Mon 11-Mar-13 16:09:43

How can a threesome be not casual sex? Even if one participant is your partner, the other isn't - thats pretty damn casual!

Unless you're into those weird three way relationships that make great Channel 4 documentaries?

LoversThatWentWrong Mon 11-Mar-13 16:10:46

I find it odd how so many people jumped down my throat calling me so many horrible names - even frothing berserker

When yes it was unreasonable of me to judge her. But thinking about it yes the reason is abit sad or grim if she did it think it somehow validated her. I'd hate for her to think that about herself.

The thing I find odd is that so many people have come on here being extremely judgmental towards other people on this thread and yet they were not called frothing berserkers

valiumredhead Mon 11-Mar-13 16:13:34

You're all frothing beserkers!

Better? grin

LoversThatWentWrong Mon 11-Mar-13 16:14:10

Much better valium grin

Pendeen Mon 11-Mar-13 16:35:02

Eebahgum and pinkyredrose

Sorry to spoil your amusement but the number was not times but different men.

Quite different.

MrsLouisTheroux Mon 11-Mar-13 16:41:02

15 is a lot IMO!

LadyClariceCannockMonty Mon 11-Mar-13 16:43:06

I think they know you meant different men, Pendeen, and they're saying that's not all that much.

valiumredhead Mon 11-Mar-13 16:43:36

In one day possibly, but over a 30 year period of course it's not!

Who cares anyway, she can shag who she likes!

CookieJarAddict Mon 11-Mar-13 16:44:45

OP does make a good point. It's ok for people to openly judge others on here and say -

Lol @ Pendeen thinking that less than one man a year is alot!

Finding it funny that pendeen thinks one shag a year is a lot

RedToothBrush Mon 11-Mar-13 16:56:15

I thought the national average for women was 13 partners.

So at 15. Thats not bad. Only just above standard.

YABU. You ARE a prude and a "pearl clutcher" if you think 15 is a lot. Think about who is making up for your share if you think it is...

TheBigJessie Mon 11-Mar-13 16:58:17

I'm confused about the average of four or five given earlier in this thread. Some women have more marriages than that!

LoversThatWentWrong Mon 11-Mar-13 17:07:11

YABU. You ARE a prude and a "pearl clutcher" if you think 15 is a lot.

Oh for goodness sake. If you had bothered to read my OP properly or had the ability to understand it then you would see that I never once said that 15 is a lot. AND that it's nothing to do with the number!

I am talking about her reason for sleeping with them - to get her number up. When people shouldn't care about how many people they have been with.

whateveritakes Mon 11-Mar-13 17:23:10

But you just said* I think you should have casual sex with people because you're attracted to them or just want to have fun* op

Getting her numbers up was her fun - perhaps she did it to learn something, to say she had experienced different partners.

LST Mon 11-Mar-13 17:37:56

15 is nothing at all imo

LoversThatWentWrong Mon 11-Mar-13 17:39:43

15 is nothing at all imo

Good for you. But again my OP was not referring to the number.

IfNotNowThenWhen Mon 11-Mar-13 17:51:13

I think the OP is getting a bit of a hard time actually.
I do think that reasons for having sex matter, and if a friend of mine had sex purely to boost her self esteem or whatever, and for no other reason, I would be worried about her.
I have friends who have shagged upwards of 40 guys, and their feelings about this do vary, from "wahey" to always getting hurt after potential relationships turn into one night stands.
It sooo depends on the person, whether they are adept at shagging around, or not.
The actual number probably is a bit of a red herring.

flippinada Mon 11-Mar-13 17:51:35

You seem to be overly concerned about your friends personal life OP.

Unless there are grounds for concern which would bother any decent friend, such as her being prone to high-risk behaviour, or she has a history of abusive boyfriends?

If not mind your own business and stop snarking about the poor woman on MN.

LoversThatWentWrong Mon 11-Mar-13 17:52:59

Excellent example flippinada of what IfNotHowThenWhen just said.

flippinada Mon 11-Mar-13 18:01:34

Well, if you are genuinely concerned about your friend for those reasons, wouldn't it be better to speak to her directly about it rather than in all this public hand-wringing?

AnyFucker Mon 11-Mar-13 18:32:58

Gosh, jim you're a funny little sausage aren't you ?

JiminyCricketsMiddleWicket Mon 11-Mar-13 18:41:14

Nope Any Fucker. I'm not little and I'm not a sausage.

Fanjounchained Mon 11-Mar-13 18:46:43

15 does seem like a lot for me...for both a girl or a guy...but then I've hardly lived and only slept with 3 men including OH ! Don't think I would judge that person though, just think "she must love the boaby..." If they're happing shagging away then leave them to it. Not for me though.

AnyFucker Mon 11-Mar-13 18:55:57

I like to think of you as such, jim

allow me this small amount of self indulgence, because if I think too closely about what you actually said, it makes me feel a bit queasy smile

TheBigJessie Mon 11-Mar-13 19:13:39

I've always thought, that given that condoms can fail, both in terms of contraception and disease transmission, people should take names and phone numbers before shagging.

It would make it much easier for people to notify sexual partners after receiving bad news at the STI clinic.

I once explained this to a friend. She said, "I'm not giving my name to a random I met in a club. He could be an axe-murdering psycho!"

I said, "But you're willing to have sex with him and sleep in the same room as him, thus putting yourself in a far, far more vulnerable position?"

We parted, mutually baffled by eachother's viewpoints.

JiminyCricketsMiddleWicket Mon 11-Mar-13 19:15:36

I don't suppose it would help if I said they were identical twins then.....

TheBigJessie Mon 11-Mar-13 19:17:51

If they're identical twins, then you can't get a Jeremy Kyle DNA-test appearance out of it all, afterwards, though.

Badly thought-out, surely?

AnyFucker Mon 11-Mar-13 19:24:47

It helps jim, it helps a lawwwt grin

Wallison Mon 11-Mar-13 19:30:40

Are you that bird out of The Camomile Lawn, Jiminy?

Ledkr Mon 11-Mar-13 19:33:05

Identical twins? Non casual threesome? Both twins someone you wouldn't mind creating a while new human being with. <faints>

pinkyredrose Mon 11-Mar-13 19:35:17

Jiminy !!! ooooh you saucy minx!

TheBigJessie Mon 11-Mar-13 19:36:17

This thread reminds me of some dire Harry Potter fan-fiction I once read.

OkayHazel Mon 11-Mar-13 19:37:11

So it didn't matter which twin got you pregnant, as the kids would look the same with either? grin

TheBigJessie Mon 11-Mar-13 19:39:31

Am I actually in the Weasley fan-fiction? Like Jasper Fforde's Thursday Next series?

There's going to be jokes about wand length next...

ChairmanWow Mon 11-Mar-13 19:40:08

This thread reminds me of some dire Harry Potter fan-fiction I once read.

grin grin grin

AnyFucker Mon 11-Mar-13 19:41:55

Jim is laying the foundations of some proper racy fanfic here grin

TheBigJessie Mon 11-Mar-13 19:43:37

If vampire!Snape, Unicorn!Draco or anyone else get involved, especially with each other, I'm leaving.

Latara Mon 11-Mar-13 19:45:07

Oh dear my number is (almost) nearer 4 than 15... but then i have low self-esteem ishoos & thought i was really ugly for years, i thought men were having a laugh if they said they fancied me.

Which makes me feel quite sad now...

(Ps. i know i'm not ugly now, just wish i'd realised that sooner).

Latara Mon 11-Mar-13 19:46:58

Ps. i don't judge anyone else on how many partners they've had; whether it's 1 or 100 - each to their own i think!!

OkayHazel Mon 11-Mar-13 19:47:14

Jessie If we're talking twin HP fan fic... it's got to have been Fred and George!

TheBigJessie Mon 11-Mar-13 19:49:03

If you say their names out loud, something awful happens! Shush!

Ledkr Mon 11-Mar-13 19:49:51

Fifty shades of hog warts grin

Latara Mon 11-Mar-13 19:51:04

Now that's just wrong because there are no fit men in HP IMO...

TheBigJessie Mon 11-Mar-13 19:57:15

Just to be argumentative, what about Bill Weasley? Exciting job as a cursebreaker, long hair, and an earring.

Bit of a dangerous career, so possibly not husband material, but maybe for an exciting year or two? wink

Latara Mon 11-Mar-13 20:03:26

Actually the Harry Potter actor whathisname is fit now he's got older (but since i'm so old i can't remember his name then i'm probably too old for him!)

Ooh, has anyone else read My Immortal? THe single worst piece of Harry Potter fanfic in the world, but hysterically funny.

MrsLouisTheroux Mon 11-Mar-13 20:23:34

Actually, I said 15 is a lot!
Redtooth:"YABU.You ARE a prude and a "pearl clutcher" if you think 15 is a lot. Think about who is making up for your share if you think it is..."
Whoever is making up for my share, they are very welcome to sleep with all the many men I don't find attractive grin. Knock yourself out!

LST Mon 11-Mar-13 20:45:03

good for me? confused Who said anything about me op?

mummabug Mon 11-Mar-13 20:45:36

OP, I am also guilty of being a bit judgmental in these situations. I know that the pill, modern culture etc has changed things for women - they can sleep around without getting pregnant. But this doesn't change the fundamental biological differences between men and women that will always exist.

I knew a lady who told me that she had slept with 30+ men in the space of two years ('and some of them at the same time') purely because it made her feel attractive and wanted.

I didn't point out to her that it's not really a compliment if a guy wants to sleep with you, it's usually a given that they will bonk pretty much anyone wether they find them super attractive or not. If you're going to do that you should be doing it because you enjoy casual sex, not as a validation...because it really isn't a validation of anything except your low self esteem.

This article sums it up for me really

http://therawness.com/why-its-worse-for-women-to-sleep-around/

PrettyKitty1986 Mon 11-Mar-13 20:47:49

Why is it 'judgemental' for someone to state they think 15 is a lot, yet perfectly fine for someone to call that person a prude etc.

I'm not a prude in the slightest. For me, 15 seems a lot. I have a hard time understanding how so many women on here seem to think huge numbers are something to brag about. Surely there are more rewarding things people have done to boast over hmm

TheBigJessie Mon 11-Mar-13 21:26:04

Read My Immortal, yep. couldn't believe it wasn't parody. But it's no longer the worst piece out there. Just saying...

Mummabug: Your link doesn't work, but it's likely to be drivel anyway. It's not wrong for women to have lots of different sexual partners if they want. I've had over 100.

Jessie: I think there was some suggestion that it was a parody or a prank of some kind, but I don't know that it was ever confirmed one way or the other. I'm inclined to believe it really is the work of a sensationally dim-witted teen.

it's usually a given that they will bonk pretty much anyone wether they find them super attractive or not.

What a horrible view of men you have. Seriously - would you say that about another group? 'Oh, black people ... they will bonk pretty much anyone'? Or, 'oh, yes, lesbians ... they will bonk pretty much anyone?'

<wanders out of thread tutting and mumbling>

McNewPants2013 Mon 11-Mar-13 22:03:50

My husband and I started off as fuck buddies, i was 18 and desperate to loose my vaginity didn't bank in falling in love, having children and getting married lol.

Does it matter why someone has sex

ChairmanWow Mon 11-Mar-13 22:16:52

Interesting that what we're not seeing on this thread are loads of posts from women who've slept around expressing regret or saying they felt cheap, used etc. No matter whether you think 15 is a small or large number of partners surely that's a good thing, no? It shows that we have become sexually empowered and can make the choice between fulfilling relationship sex or fulfilling casual sex.

Now if we can just stop judging each other... hmm

MrsKeithRichards Mon 11-Mar-13 22:20:57

Oh jimmy you actually made me laugh. When I had my threesome I was deliberating over what cock I wanted were, not which one would make a better father.

MrsKeithRichards Mon 11-Mar-13 22:23:28

Fuck me I posted before I got to the identical twins bit!!!!

superstarheartbreaker Mon 11-Mar-13 22:27:49

Well if your shocked by your friend then you'd be completely horrified by me...I've lost count!

superstarheartbreaker Mon 11-Mar-13 22:29:52

Why on earth is it worse for women to sleep around? Because we might get more 'biologically attached''? So what? Can't we still enjoy sex with many people?

TheBigJessie Mon 11-Mar-13 22:43:26

I remember people claiming it was definitively proven she was quite serious. Her comments to people criticising her work seemed quite genuine to me.

can anyone link to the vile fanfic please! Sounds ace

TheBigJessie Mon 11-Mar-13 23:07:43

Here's a list of links. First two are humorous articles where someone else has done all the work for me. grin

http://www.cracked.com/article_16554_the-5-most-baffling-sex-scenes-in-history-fanfiction.html

http://www.cracked.com/article_19992_5-fan-fiction-sex-scenes-you-wont-believe-exist.html Includes a disgusting Teletubbies Snape cross-over. Yes, really.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6200297/1/My-Immortal

There's some other brilliantly awful ones, but I don't know whether I'll be able to find them tonight.

TheBigJessie Mon 11-Mar-13 23:07:59

Here's a list of links. First two are humorous articles where someone else has done all the work for me. grin

www.cracked.com/article_16554_the-5-most-baffling-sex-scenes-in-history-fanfiction.html

www.cracked.com/article_19992_5-fan-fiction-sex-scenes-you-wont-believe-exist.html Includes a disgusting Teletubbies Snape cross-over. Yes, really.

www.fanfiction.net/s/6200297/1/My-Immortal

There's some other brilliantly awful ones, but I don't know whether I'll be able to find them tonight.

LoversThatWentWrong Mon 11-Mar-13 23:34:10

Well if your shocked by your friend then you'd be completely horrified by me...I've lost count!

ARGH!!!!!!!! Can I please bang my head against a wall and scream at peoples inability to read the OP?? grin

It's got nothing to do with the blinking number! Which I have stated OVER and OVER and OVER.

She could have slept with every man on the planet for all I care. It was the reason she slept with them.

So no I'm not horrified that you have lost count. I frankly couldn't give a flying shit.

TeiTetua Tue 12-Mar-13 00:34:03

Anyone who's been to bed with more people than I have has been promiscuous. Anyone who hasn't had as many has had no fun in life. That's what I say.

TeiTetua Tue 12-Mar-13 00:36:17

Oh and I love the idea that someone might "loose her vaginity". Let it fly, fly! Be free!

pinkyredrose Tue 12-Mar-13 00:41:25

If anyone finds my vaginity could they hand it back please? Feeling lost without it.

ChairmanWow Tue 12-Mar-13 07:21:04

Oh god I'm due to give birth this week. Come back vaginity, come back.

TheFallenNinja Tue 12-Mar-13 08:23:07

15? She's still under warranty. Pathetic effort smile

2cats2many Tue 12-Mar-13 08:30:21

I lost count of how many men I'd slept with a looooong time ago. I'm not saying that there's hundreds of them, just that I didn't keep a tally after about 5 and I really wouldn't be able to remember quite a few if I tried to add up now.

pinkyredrose Tue 12-Mar-13 11:37:10

ninja grin

Pinkdaisy4 Tue 12-Mar-13 13:56:17

Only 15??????

She needs to get out more grin

atthewelles Tue 12-Mar-13 14:22:37

Getting her numbers up??

Why? Any dog on the street can have sex. Having numerous partners is nothing to boast about. Its a bit sad really that something that's meant to be special has become something so meaningless nowadays.

OP YANBU and you are being unfairly flamed on here. I too would find it grim if a friend told me something as sordid as that.

mummabug Wed 13-Mar-13 12:39:51

atthewelles I totally agree with you

ChairmanWow Wed 13-Mar-13 12:52:50

Its a bit sad really that something that's meant to be special has become something so meaningless nowadays.

That's your moral standpoint on sex, and of course your choice to view it as something to be treated as special should be respected. But others view sex in different ways with different people. Special with someone you love, exciting and fun when it's casual.

I just don't think the OP's friend's sex life should be such a source of horror. I don't see how 2 single people having a shag impacts on anyone else really.

LemonPeculiarJones Wed 13-Mar-13 13:17:16

Hmmm OP I think your use of 'grim' has influenced this thread a great deal. It's a term I associate with teenagers going, "Eewwwwwww!" about something.

I think it's that term which has made you seem judgemental.

If you'd posted, 'I'm really worried about my friend, she seems to be shagging around purely 'to get her numbers up'. I'm concerned about her self-esteem' then I think the general response may have been different.

She is entitled to have consensual sex for whatever reason she chooses. Does she get upset after each shag, feel diminished and sad? Is she careless about contraception? If not, then I think it's fine really.

LoversThatWentWrong Wed 13-Mar-13 13:24:16

I think your use of 'grim' has influenced this thread a great deal. It's a term I associate with teenagers going, "Eewwwwwww!" about something.

Yes I realise that,

However I am not a teenager and when I use the word grim I mean "causing sad feelings of gloom and inadequacy" (quoting from the dictionary nerd )

I just felt it was sad that she would feel the need to ever sleep with someone to say I've slept with this many men.

The number of people you sleep with doesn't validate anything to me.

LoversThatWentWrong Wed 13-Mar-13 13:25:06

And thanks atthewelles and mummabug smile

LemonPeculiarJones Wed 13-Mar-13 13:30:34

Hehe OP I have seldom heard people using 'grim' by strict dictionary definition! I'm sure you didn't mean it as in "eeewwwww" but I think that's how it probably came across, hence the general reaction.

Thanking atthewelles for her 'any dog in the street comment' makes you seem even more judgemental though.

StillSeekingSpike Wed 13-Mar-13 13:38:24

'Its a bit sad really that something that's meant to be special has become something so meaningless nowadays.'

There is a middle way between 'special' and meaningless, y'know. Sometimes it's fun, sometimes dreadful, sometimes hilarious, sometimes forgettable.

Loving the fanfic links, far more fun than the thread. Viower Excretion Avised!

lubeybooby Wed 13-Mar-13 14:24:20

15? LMFAO that is absolutely nothing at all. Jeez. Practically a virgin in fact grin

OP and I have read it properly but you still come across the way people have reacted to.

If she wants to sleep with a lot of people it's none of your judgey business whatever her reason is.

She could be conducting a survey on pubes and insist on not knowing their names and keep hoods over their faces for all I care... and work her way through the entire male single population. Who gives a shit? Doesn't affect you does it?

Fillyjonk75 Wed 13-Mar-13 14:25:08

I think it's a bit off to go round telling someone how many men you've slept with but if everyone was having a frank discussion of that nature or if you were directly asked then it's fine. I must admit in my early twenties I did pay attention to how many men one of my friends had slept with and thought I should get my numbers up a bit!

Anyway I met DH at 23 so I'm glad I had plenty of experience first or I might have felt regret at meeting probably the last man I would ever sleep with so early in my life.

Fillyjonk75 Wed 13-Mar-13 14:27:15

OP YANBU and you are being unfairly flamed on here. I too would find it grim if a friend told me something as sordid as that.

Good grief. Have you never talked with your friends about sex?

You see, I find THAT grim.

LoversThatWentWrong Wed 13-Mar-13 14:32:17

OP and I have read it properly but you still come across the way people have reacted to.

And what way is that?

I find it sad that she felt the need to do that.

If she wants to have carefree sex then go ahead. But it's a sad reason to do it just to boast about numbers.

Fillyjonk75 Wed 13-Mar-13 14:37:37

Oh I don't know, where's your competitive spirit? smile

LoversThatWentWrong Wed 13-Mar-13 14:40:53

To be honest I can see why she's done it tbh, the amount of people that have judged her on here - way worse than me.

"15 is that it?!"

"Practically a virgin!!"

I'm getting quite bored now of being hung and mocked after 10 pages.

I admitted that I was wrong to judge her ages ago. But people are still baying for blood on here.

lubeybooby Wed 13-Mar-13 14:52:34

I'm not baying for blood OP, just like with most aibu threads I reply on I jumped in with my twopennorth. I have it set to show all replies at once so had no idea there was ten pages of it...

Anyway with AIBU you do need to be prepared for it to go like this.

and the comments about 15 is that it? and practically a virgin etc were to get across to you that is really not much at all, no judgement on her.... I don't care if she's had zero, one or one thousand.

LoversThatWentWrong Wed 13-Mar-13 14:57:05

And neither do I!

It's got nothing to do with the number at all - I am sick and tired of saying the same thing. ITS THE REASON.

I already said I was being unreasonable and yet people like you just keep going on and on and on at me.

lubeybooby Wed 13-Mar-13 15:02:06

I'm not going on and on at you am I? I posted once with my opinion then put a little explanation.

Going on and on at you would be to just keep repeating the opinion, no?

I disagree with you judging the reason too anyway as I said... who cares? Number or reason, you are wrong.

LoversThatWentWrong Wed 13-Mar-13 15:03:03

Already said I was wrong a long time ago.

But yet people like you can't let it go.

pinkyredrose Thu 14-Mar-13 23:23:39

Hey I let it go!

Pendeen Sat 16-Mar-13 00:16:56

CookieJarAddict

Thanks for that...

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