I AM being unreasonable. Please come and talk me down before I go and get pregnant RIGHT NOW

(68 Posts)
designerbaby Fri 08-Mar-13 23:01:07

It's my mother in law's fault for sending me the baby bath video (another thread). And because my DD2 is about to turn three. And fecking hormones.

And I can't because we can't afford it. I run my own business and could not run it with a baby in tow, and it's just doing really well, and I'm enjoying life just as it is, and if I get a colicky non-sleeper like DD1, I will bloody DIE, and actually I nearly did die giving birth to DDs 1&2, and this is NOT rational or sensible.

I'm on a tsunami of emotion and I on't know why, so please come and talk me down before I go and jump DH RIGHT NOW.



LadyPessaryPam Fri 08-Mar-13 23:05:42

You have 2, move away from the fertile cock.

You know it makes sense. Just have wild sex with no babies.

almostanotherday Fri 08-Mar-13 23:07:07

I did not watch the baby bath video and I'm very glad I did not after reading your post smile

designerbaby Fri 08-Mar-13 23:07:09

Oh I can't be arsed with THAT Pam... grin

lollilou Fri 08-Mar-13 23:09:08

No no no 2 babies is enough. Just think of the sleepless nights and the nappies.

Just befriend some people with tiny babies then you can have cuddles and hand them back again when they cry/have a stinky nappy/you can't be arsed anymore. Its much better than being the one they get handed back to for all the crappy jobs sometimes

VivaLeBeaver Fri 08-Mar-13 23:10:51

If you have three kids it costs a fortune on days out as family tickets are normally for two kids. You'll need a new car. Holidays are way more expensive.

PoppyWearer Fri 08-Mar-13 23:11:46


<passes OP my stinking-of-wee, wind-suffering, non-sleeping 18mo Dc2>

...has that cured you?

(At least you won't be able to shag with him in your arms anyway.)

designerbaby Fri 08-Mar-13 23:16:22

Thank you... I'm actually finding all the newborns in my fairly close circle, (four in the last three weeks FFS) are NOT helping...

We already have a huge ugly car.

DD2 was a dream baby. She's been a terrible, TERRIBLE two, but my she was a fab baby. That doesn't help...

<runs off with Poppy's toddler, because I have clearly run MAD...>

LadyIsabellaWrotham Fri 08-Mar-13 23:22:47

Two is a good number. Two hands, two parents, two children. Both the families I know with three close in age children had (non-permanent, stitch it back on, it'll be fine) trips to A&E within months of having their third due to the impracticality of managing baby, toddler and 4 year old simultaneously.

PoppyWearer Fri 08-Mar-13 23:23:16

<settles down to first night of uninterrupted sleep for 18 months>

OP, you are quite clearly mad.

designerbaby Fri 08-Mar-13 23:27:50

Poppy, enjoy, I'm having squishy smelly (slightly damp) cuddles instead.

Isabella, I am trying REALLY hard to focus on all the sensible advice here, but brain keeps getting distracted by the images of the bathing baby, then I get this actual, physical ache...

It's true, I can barely manage the two I have. A newborn wouldn't stand a chance.

<slaps self>

Schooldidi Fri 08-Mar-13 23:28:13

You need your dh to be completely against having another baby. Then it won't be an issue about you trying to jump him because he won't allow you to get pg. That's the solution in our house anyway.

I'm completely and utterly broody and desparately want another baby RIGHT NOW, in fact I wanted the one that should have been born 5 months ago but miscarried. He doesn't. So apparently that's that, we aren't having any more. sad

designerbaby Fri 08-Mar-13 23:38:57

Oh Schooldidi... That's awful. I'm sorry. Maybe your DH needs more time? I think thy aren't able to talk/share/own their grief, and it can take them longer as a result...

Here's to babies. Even the dreadful ones are wonderful. That's the problem...

lalabaloo Fri 08-Mar-13 23:40:32

If Poppy's baby isn't putting you off, I can offer a 10 month old with a sickness bug...

lalabaloo Fri 08-Mar-13 23:41:29

Sorry to hear that Schooldidi

designerbaby Fri 08-Mar-13 23:44:29

That might help Lala... But does he/she have chunky thighs and a dimply bum? I've got a cold, so my sense of smell is non-existent. If I could SMELL the vomit that might swing it...

Maybe I should try hypnosis?

MammaTJ Fri 08-Mar-13 23:44:42

* actually I nearly did die giving birth to DDs 1&2*

I nearly died giving birth to DS (DC3) and realised my DC need their mum more than I need another DC!! It is overwhelming sometime though but keep that in mind!!

PoppyWearer Fri 08-Mar-13 23:45:27

OP, I forgot to mention the snoring. but at least he's finally sleeping

MumVsKids Fri 08-Mar-13 23:46:45

Schooldidi, my DH is of the same mind as yours.

We have three already, but youngest only 10mths - never slept a full night, still BFing at least twice a night and I'd have another in a heart beat smile

And so many posters are so right, it is a massive juggling act with three, mine are 8, 3 and 10mths - so school run 4 times a day including pre-school, quicker to walk the half mile each way as takes an age to get three in and out of car!

But I'd happily juggle a bit more grin

AgentZigzag Fri 08-Mar-13 23:46:59

It's such a pain being 8 months pregnant and not being able to get up off the setee but their tiny perfectly formed hands just make you melt

Just think of all the money you'd have to pay out for the next 18+ years but they look soo lovely and new in a soft pure white babygro

And you'd be going back to square one on the independence (or dependence) thing but there really is nothing like cuddling up and watching them drop off to sleep

You know it makes sense smile

lalabaloo Fri 08-Mar-13 23:49:12

Hmm yeah he does have chubby thighs, that might not help. Maybe have a sniff of olbas oil and a decongestant and then the vomit smell might put you off

ClairesTravellingCircus Fri 08-Mar-13 23:57:33

You could have twins and end ip with FOUR!
and nonsleeping twins too

designerbaby Sat 09-Mar-13 00:02:58

Actually, that happened to a friend of mine in exactly these circumstances. In my madness I had forgotten.

Fuck, that's a really scary thought.

Goes to bed, cold sweat of terror acting as passion killer.
Thank you.

I cannot promise I won't be back here tomorrow...

almostanotherday Sat 09-Mar-13 00:03:23

Get a pet instead smile

designerbaby Sat 09-Mar-13 00:06:04

Vomit and twins. Vomit and twins. Vomit and twins.

Yes, I second the "it could be twins" vibes. 2 babies = carnage. Never any time to give them cute baths I tell ya

AudrinaAdare Sat 09-Mar-13 00:16:57

I saw that earlier. It was lovely. Now imagine that baby with one foot wedged up and under your ribcage and the other dancing on your bladder all night and every night for a month or two.

JohnBender88 Sat 09-Mar-13 01:43:20

Here's a scarier thought: A mutual friend of a friend and her husband tried for number 3 and got triplets! All naturally!

Pudgy2011 Sat 09-Mar-13 03:07:01

Oh my gawd that bloody baby bath video - I saw that yesterday, started crying and declared that we had to have another one straight away (have 18 month DS who was such an easy baby it was ridiculous).
Today, I've had to write a list of pros and cons. There are 7 cons on my con list. There are 2 pros on my pros list. And yet.... and yet.

<shuffles off to find a grip> <number 2 will be the devil, number 2 will be the devil>

Teds77 Sat 09-Mar-13 03:31:05

It's the middle of the night and my bed is briefly babyless as both 7 month old twins are miraculously asleep and in their cots. Every bit of me aches and I'm totally shattered. Keep thinking 3 could actually be 4 and that should cure you grin

.... Although my two have just started getting the cutest fluffiest proper hair and it's the most delicious thing to nuzzle into when we're cuddling... Not that there's anytime for cuddles, just feeding and settling and washing and nappy changing and searching for whatever food my DTD might actually like to eat...

GardenPath Sat 09-Mar-13 04:31:39

Oh, but babies are sooooo cuuuute! Unfortunately, no one's come up with a growth stunting formula to KEEP them that way! (Have they?) They grow up (ha!) and turn into blood-sucking, parasitic monsters. They answer back, gang up on you, criticize you with curled lip at every turn; what you wear, how you look, what you think; the music you like, nothing you do is good enough and they're all bigger than you. Your life is not your own; every moment of it is dominated by them; awake and you're watching the clock because you're supposed to pick them up from school/guides/their mates/the airport - asleep and you’re nightmaring about which one you'd save first in a ship-wreck/airline crash/abduction/zombie invasion. And no matter how many sacrifices you've made, and that'll be a lot, everything, they always have that comeback 'I didn't ask to be born', to which my stock answer was usually, 'No, and I didn't ask for you, either - I wanted a nice one!' But they're quite right, they didn't ask to be born, the little shits! They've got us, there. We are hostages to our shitarse, turncoat, betraying, back-stabbing hormones. And it's only thanks to them that we don't strangle the snivelling little ingrate bastards - because, Christ, I swear we would otherwise. Then, when they start having their own babies, they’re determined to do it differently, and better - perfectly, in fact, because of course, you have been weighed on their scales and, make no mistake, found wanting. But, at least, at last, there is some small satisfaction, some small validation, one you never imagined and no reasonable mind, surely, would have ever wanted or imagined as any triumph, yet the only one you’re left with, a Pyrrhic victory indeed, that they, too, in their turn, will discover the truth about babies and that you were right all along. If only they’d listened to their mother. But don’t let me put you off, what do I know – you go right ahead. I can tell you, the first half dozen are the worst. Have you got a link to that baby-bath video?

FellNel Sat 09-Mar-13 05:05:51

What is the baby bath video? I need to see it. I am very old and highly unlikely to become broody so it's perfectly safe.

My dh took a video of dd2 and me straight after the birth (not during) and the first thing I said to the camera was 'never, ever do this again'. I had the fear in my eyes and look damaged from childbirth eating my toast and tea without being able to stop shaking. Maybe I should send you that video? Probably won't be showing dd2 that one.

FellNel Sat 09-Mar-13 05:23:56

OK, watched it. Lovely. Just lovely. I was a bit worried he was going to drown though. confused

EvenIfYouSeeAPoppy Sat 09-Mar-13 06:25:56

Empathy, designerbaby - and schooldidi.
2 dc. Nice stage, nice ages (7 and 5). Light not just at the end of the tunnel but actually here. Last year, pregnant, somewhat of a shock. Miscarriage. Devastated. Tests, clotting prob discovered (I had had miscarriages between the dc too, this was my fourth, dr thought something must be up). Now ttc no. 3 even though things are, seen with my rational head on, just dandy as they are confused FFS!

PatButchersEarring Sat 09-Mar-13 07:58:59

Gardenpath Brilliant!! That really made me laugh!

TempusFuckit Sat 09-Mar-13 08:02:13

Shaking with laughter at GardenPath, while also being a little scared of her grin

Kyrptonite Sat 09-Mar-13 08:03:20

I will have one of those baby creatures in September. I am willing to offer a baby share and you can have the midnight-6am shifts!

DoItRight Sat 09-Mar-13 08:05:09

That post is a classic Gardenpath!! Brilliant grin

Do you really want 3 teenagers? Comandeering the living room, eating everything in sight, wanting lifts everywhere? Do you? Do you? Eh?

ClairesTravellingCircus Sat 09-Mar-13 08:15:14

gringringrin Gardenpath great post!

LondonKitty Sat 09-Mar-13 08:25:12

Gardenpath - brilliant!! grin

designerbaby - go for it anyway!!!

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Sat 09-Mar-13 08:25:27

I'm in the same boat as you DB. DD is nearly 5, DS is nearly 3. Everyone around me, including a friend who has two DC's the same ages as mine and my DSis are all expecting in the next few months. Also I'm 35 and thinking if I'm going to have another it should really be now before it's too late.

I don't want a third for all the practical reasons everyone's set out. Plus I worry that with three, one is always likely to be left out all the time. BUT, but, but why do I spend everyday wondering whether I should have another.... The baby bath video did NOT help grin

designerbaby Sat 09-Mar-13 08:27:28

Garden path, that was magnificent... I should mentally fast-forward 10 - 15 years every time those hormones kick in.

Also thankfully DD2, the generally wonderfully sleeping DD2 decided to be awake with night terrors and general monkey business for most of last night, as if giving me a warning: "I KNOW I gave you an easy time, that first year, Mummy, but oh, how quickly you forget the lack of sleep by my big sister. Here, have a little reminder <shrieeeeeeeeeek> <wail> <thrash>."

I can't post a link to the video, because then I'll watch it again, and all DD2s hard work will have been in vain...

designerbaby Sat 09-Mar-13 08:30:31

Ah, fuckit.

baby bath


I have got to go and stand in the freezing cold watching junior footy this morning. I then have to bring two muddy boys and their kits home and clean them.

They don't tell you that at ante natal.

Oh and Year 9 maths homework. If I had known about that......

whattodoo Sat 09-Mar-13 08:45:31

Seriously. Seriously.

Why did I click on the link?

I can feel my heart has swollen to the size of a spacehopper with yearning.

But my dumb body is as useless as a space hopper at conceiving.

Best just enjoy the delightful 5yo I've already got and be grateful.


Oh man! Why, why did I click?? Ds has just hit terrible twos, I want my baby back. Bath times not are more like the sinking of the titanic, not calm relaxing and peaceful.

FellNel Sat 09-Mar-13 09:50:08

GardenPath has just articulated perfectly the things going on in my head for the last two years of my life.

Enjoy your delicious babies while they are little and lovely, and think you are the best human being on the planet, even if you don't get any sleep/sex/social life for the next five years, because it sure as hell ain't getting any easier as they get older. Sometimes I feel like a chewed up, spat out, invisible, redundant husk of a person who has spent the last 20 years giving my all to a job which I am frequently told I have been crap at.

Ok, it's not always that bad. Sometimes (often) it can still be wonderful. But I yearn for the days when they never had that look of dismissive contempt or impatient irritation in their eyes.

Do you actually want another child -- do you feel that there's a person missing in your family? Or do you want another baby because they are cute and snuggly and newborns do that adorable whuffly thing with their mouths and they have tiny curled-up fists and so forth? You'll get over the baby thing easily enough (although probably drift in and out of broodiness over the years) but the former is a harder itch to scratch.

(Still, I am not watching the baby bath video. Just in case...)

MummytoMog Sat 09-Mar-13 10:19:28

I can't see that link, thank The Lord. And thank my coil which requires actual planning to circumvent. I am barely hanging on by the skin of my teeth with two. Maybe in five years. or on my special iPad TTC note, in about six months

IfNotNowThenWhen Sat 09-Mar-13 10:24:58

I heart gardenpath's post.

I know a few people who are very smugly about how lovely it is to have 3, or 4, little children all close in age. How lovely that they can all play together.
I just think...four teenagers. Bwahahahaha.

<Bitter and twisted cos I can't having more than one, and am NOT watching that baby bath vid, no way no how>

IfNotNowThenWhen Sat 09-Mar-13 10:25:55

Actually, I think given the choice, I would have had 3. But with quite big gaps!

Trills Sat 09-Mar-13 10:31:10

It's a slow motion video of a baby in a sink full of water. With annoying music.


MrsDeVere Sat 09-Mar-13 10:33:18

I don't love that video the way everyone seems to.
And I am the broodiest person on the planet.

OP if you want to be put off never mind the toddlers, here have my stroppy, shaven headed 19 year old <lobs>

MarjorieAntrobus Sat 09-Mar-13 10:43:50

Yep, just watched most of the baby bath video. Is just a lovely newborn enjoying a bath. Lovely.

And ifnot I now have the four teenager/student thing. Is very costly. Very. But was v cool when they all played out, and all played together.

Oh, and to Fellnell, you are SO NOT a husk. Or, if you are, then I am too, and I deny it.

Fatherfluffybottom Sat 09-Mar-13 10:47:49

Just watched it. Did nothing for me. I'm free, FREE I tell you!!! (Which is a good job as DH has had a vasectomy!)

That video cracks me right up.

Kind of have the urge to do a remake with my squalling 4mo DS whose looks at us like we are torturing him when we try to give him lovely relaxing baths and massages. And those are the good ones - mostly he screams the house down (yes, we do check the temperature first). That'd put you off though of course he is so wonderfully delicious and perfect it might not.

monkeysbignuts Sat 09-Mar-13 10:53:29

Don't do it. My 3rd is that colicky none sleeper you are talking about! He was that bad I got pnd from sheer exhaustion. Don't get me wrong I love him to bits and wouldn't be without him now but my life went from easy with 2 to hard work again

Didn't do much for me either and I am broody.

Having a non-sleeping one year old is good birth control. Not sure I would be able to stop myself either if dd2 was 3 and slept like her older sister.

Unfortunately my DH is not strong and came back from work the other day telling me he had gone all gooey over a newborn.

Vomit, poo, snot, wee, they don't put me off. My only hope is to think about the stroppy teenagers.

<Recites 3 stroppy hormonal teenagers to self over and over>

PickledInAPearTree Sat 09-Mar-13 11:02:54

Piles. Think of the piles. Big bunch of bum grapes.

IfNotNowThenWhen Sat 09-Mar-13 11:56:57

I know Marjorie. I am just trying to make myself feel better!

Really though, I can already see than I am destined to have one extravagantly moody, Emo style teenager with strops the strength of ten teenagers.


designerbaby Sat 09-Mar-13 14:27:56

Ok. I'm doing better today. Reasons:

The people talking about teenagers. We'd be destined to have three girls (I'm pretty sure we don't make boy-flavour babies) and the though of four hormonal women in the house... urgh.

I haven't slept for one night, which has shown me that I am too old and knackered to repeat this every night for MONTHS, which, if DD3 turned out anything like DD1 (which sods law says she would) I would be doing until she was 18 months old, before doing 3 weeks of HARDCORE sleep training which would sap any ounce of willpower and energy I had left, leaving me a hollowed-out husk as previously mentioned.

I just went shopping for childrens' shoes in Clarks on a Saturday

Now, so long as I NEVER watch that video again, I'll be fine.

For a bit anyway. Tell me this feeling passes with time?

IfNotNowThenWhen Sat 09-Mar-13 16:23:32

To be serious for one moment-a friend of mine recently decided to stop for good at 2 kids. She is 28.
The reason; she had previously suffered 2 miscarriages, and she was concerned about the effect further miscarriages could have on her son, who is now 7.
She said she had to put the children she already has first. I think that is a really good way to think about it.
Whatever you do will have an effect on your existing children, so if a new baby is realistically going to totally decimate you, then that's not fair on them.

GardenPath Sat 09-Mar-13 21:18:46

Hmmm, thanks for the baby-bath link though I'm not sure I was watching the same video as everyone else; mine was of someone waterboarding a new-born. Perhaps they're missing a trick at Guantanamo; if they tortured detainees to soft, gooey music they could get off the human rights rap. Just hope the kid didn't cave.

midastouch Sat 09-Mar-13 21:30:26

Can you not find a video of childbirth just to remind you why not to do it?

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