to state 'Happily married people do not update facebook very often''

(77 Posts)
sosooootired Fri 08-Mar-13 20:53:47

i am sick and tired of all my smug f-in fb 'friends' constantly haring how f-ing 'happy' they are...
i don't believe the half of it...i am sat home on a friday night looking at fb because my fucker of a 'dh' is a..well whole other thread..so i know that if i was as deliriously happy as they all reckon they are i would be nowhere near fb.

agree?

sosooootired Fri 08-Mar-13 20:54:38

sharing - of course

WellSlapMyThighAndCallMeNancy Fri 08-Mar-13 20:58:05

Not really, you're contradicting yourself. You are not happy with your DH and presumably on fb not posting. But you say if a couple are truly happy they wouldnt be happy.

Sorry you're havin a shit time. Hide the happy bastards if you need.

WellSlapMyThighAndCallMeNancy Fri 08-Mar-13 20:58:35

*wouldnt be posting

FutTheShuckUp Fri 08-Mar-13 20:58:39

Oh Dear. Whats happened with your DH?
But I tend to agree- people who bang on about how great their life is in general are usually talking crap.

Dottiespots Fri 08-Mar-13 20:59:08

I dont do facebook.smile

sosooootired Fri 08-Mar-13 21:02:59

Well that's what I mean if you're totally manically happy like 99% of people posting on fb claim to be you'd actually not be sat solitary on a friday night using a computer to brag about your incredibly amazing happiness...you'd be busy doing real stuff

Talkinpeace Fri 08-Mar-13 21:04:36

DH and I are both on Facebook - and he has a public page as well
BUT
he and I actively avoid PDAs on there as they are as naffon FB as they are in real life.
Then again he and I have been together for 29 years and used to be very PDA in our first few years

BridgetBidet Fri 08-Mar-13 21:05:56

And people who make sweeping generalizations are bitter and twisted. Apparently.

I don't like the smug facebook posts but i think some of them are genuine.

LowLevelWhinging Fri 08-Mar-13 21:06:27

it is possible to use facebook AND be happy you know smile

we're both here fannying around on our laptops, watching telly and drinking wine. In a bit we'll switch off and watch something together.

but yes, the deliriously in love posts are a bit kind of, OH SURE hmm

sosooootired Fri 08-Mar-13 21:09:02

bridgetbidet - bitter and twisted? duh...i'm moaning on mumsnet on friday night about happy people bragging on fb....

Actually, I think you have a point. Years ago DH and I were going through a really rough patch. We were doing our best to try and make it work, but we also had to work through a lot of shit. We were guilty of quite a FB PDAs back then. blush It was like we had something to prove, like if it we put in public then it had to be true, which we so desperately wanted it to be at the time. Now, we're back on track, our relationship is pretty solid, we're happy. And now neither of us feel the need to prove how happy we are, because we know we are. It's no one else's business.

*quite a few FB

PleasePudding Fri 08-Mar-13 21:12:15

I totally know what you mean. It seems a bit of spin sometimes. Also if you are on the sofa sitting next to each other you presumably don't need to use the medium of evil Facebook to tell them you love them.

I don't get it - unless you know that all of your friends are also 100% happy it seems a bit tactless or slightly wanting to be envied - which is often a sign of insecurity.

Obviously only the people who are always, always doing it as opposed to the one-off ones

Tee2072 Fri 08-Mar-13 21:13:30

I am very happily married.

I also spend 99% of my life on a computer and so does my husband.

We don't like most other people. It's why we are so suited.

That being said, we rarely post about how happy we are as we are too busy posting about other stuff.

Wait...you mean you're suppose to talk to your spouse in the evening? Really? shock

sosooootired Fri 08-Mar-13 21:13:42

this did just occur to me as i saw updates from a friend i know has just gone through a hideous break up less than a month ago - her post as usual was rabidly ecstatically happy, and liked by 2 other women.. who i know are in shitty situations too...

yanbu. I'm having such an amazing time I stopped what I was doing to update my status 3times in an hour.

Snazzynewyear Fri 08-Mar-13 21:14:11

OK, this is about Twitter but I think it probably transfers: I posted this the other week but am still looking for people to agree that these habits between couples on social networks are odd!

<shamelessly pastes>

Things like:

Always referencing the other person in a tweet so they'll read it, with @snazzy at the end if it's not in the middle somewhere

Using it to have a conversation when in different rooms and make requests, e.g. for the other person to bring them a cup of tea

Always retweeting anything nice said about their partner (e.g. 'Snazzy thanks for fixing our garden fence, it looks loads better now' from MIL, for instance)

Using tweets with partner copied in to indirectly make a point, e.g. 'Wanted to watch Great British Bake Off but @snazzy is glued to Friends instead'

Boasting about stuff partner is doing for them: 'My wonderful partner @snazzy is taking me to @swankyeaterie later, best get myself ready!'

#ff'ing one another persistently

Disclaimers: yes it's none of my business; no, it doesn't really hurt anyone; yes, I probably should get off the computer and get a life instead of being all heated over people's tweets.

But does this irritate anyone else? Or is it only people I know who do it?

BegoniaBampot Fri 08-Mar-13 21:15:25

Must admit I get really suspicious (and boakey) about folk who gush all the time about their other half, life, friends etc. In fact I have a FB friend (was an old friend who I don't really see anymore). Pre Fb I knew her as a lovely, confident, funny lady. Seeing her FB contributions makes me see her in a totally different light.

HollyBerryBush Fri 08-Mar-13 21:16:05

sigh friends who emigrated to OZ use FB to keep in touch - if I see another fecking BBQ when we are in the pissing rain I shall scream , oh yeah, they even have BBQs in their winter sigh

I think it's a generational thing - FB I use, I read, I might do a status every 3 or 4 days - but I neither have DH or the offspring on mine, really it's just used for world wide relatives to keep in touch. The kids live through FB, every little nuance of their lives - but even saying that BBM broadcasts are more their thing. Or Twitter.

FB is the province of old farts.

wannaBe Fri 08-Mar-13 21:16:08

when I see the "I am so in love with x" posts I think A, where's a bucket and B, who are you trying to convince?"

Tee2072 Fri 08-Mar-13 21:19:14

"Or is it only people I know who do it?"

I actually don't know anyone who does any of those things so I guess it's only you. grin

Snazzynewyear Fri 08-Mar-13 21:21:29

Tee2072 Ok, I'll get my coat... but do you think that is odd behaviour, then, seeing as no-one you know does it? <hopeful>

Snazzynewyear Fri 08-Mar-13 21:22:38

HollyBerryBush but their tv's terrible. Reply to them about how you are watching the latest gripping tv series you're into and how great the BBC is. wink

sosooootired Fri 08-Mar-13 21:22:39

thank you all and debbielovesdallas especially - exactly
this is what i know, when me and dh have been going through crap i am guilty of attempting to deflect too and so i know all this gush and guff stinks...

Tee2072 Fri 08-Mar-13 21:22:55

Not really. To each their own. I'm very much a live and let live kind of person. They aren't hurting anyone, are they?

And I have been known to text my husband from upstairs rather than shout down. Not that much different, actually.

TheSeniorWrangler Fri 08-Mar-13 21:23:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Snazzynewyear Fri 08-Mar-13 21:24:11

<shuffles off to get another drink and post bitterly on Twitter>

lockets Fri 08-Mar-13 21:25:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

My DH works nights sometimes, I'm normally on Fb then.

I can't abide the 'I'm so happy with my man I love you so much ***' stuff that a friend punts out every day on Fb, that just shrieks insecurity IMO.

sosooootired Fri 08-Mar-13 21:29:48

snazzy i have fb friends like you mentioned..i also have food photographers, and view from my window and front door...i want to SCREAM i know you live on the side of a mountain in switzerland, brown whatever in brooklyn yes i'm jealous - is that enough? now f-off
top of pile for irritants today is also vegan yoga teacher, she bakes a lot, meditates, makes awesome clothes etc and shares it all..she also juices, raw foods and of course looks 5yrs younger and 2 stone slimmer than me grin so happy for her..thanks for taking photos evry 2 mins luv

maddening Fri 08-Mar-13 21:33:13

It is possible to fb from your phone in the pub.

if it upsets you hide them.

Tee2072 Fri 08-Mar-13 21:34:18

Ah, so it's jealousy that your life is less than you want it to be, then?

Do you wish your husband/partner told the whole world how much he/she loves you? Is that the problem?

Perhaps if you posted it about him/her they would do the same back.

Hulababy Fri 08-Mar-13 21:37:33

I am very happily married. I use FB a fair bit on and off, though I don't ever post things like "madly in love and happy with dh" type things.
I probably post other stuff that hacks some people off but hey, they can block or delete me if they want!

changeforthebetter Fri 08-Mar-13 21:43:36

Oh live and let live. Maybe they're deluded, maybe it's true. You can hide posts from people you find particularly grating.

Tee I wonder if you are my ex-next door neighbour (strokes chin meaningfully)

sosooootired Fri 08-Mar-13 21:46:16

haha - yes i must be jealous..of their sweet happy love..that they keep posting about not making...
that's the point - it smells of bollocks - i've obviously been deliriously happy at times and writing it up on fb is just not what happens when you're in that state..
therefore people who are filling up my 'feed' with rapture and declarations are probably as miserable about love as me right now..so cut the pretence i say
all the people who have attested to their happiness have confirmed that they don't actually brag about it in fb posts--its just not what truly loved up people do

Tee2072 Fri 08-Mar-13 21:46:36

I doubt it, change. Since I've only lived in a house for 18 months and my neighbours haven't changed in that time.

Before that we lived in a flat, so only one floor.

ChestyLeRoux Fri 08-Mar-13 21:50:21

op you need to make yourself happy instead of being down and hoping everyone else is as miserable.

mrsjay Fri 08-Mar-13 21:52:57

ach people update from their phones they dont sit arm in arm all night do they they can be happy but online grin saying all that I know somebody who has a terrible relationship keeps taking him back he beats her she throws him out falls out with her friends about taking him back , but atm she is so happy with her man and her little family hmm

sosooootired Fri 08-Mar-13 21:53:49

i'm not down or miserable chestyroux - don't sweat about me grin

amothersplaceisinthewrong Fri 08-Mar-13 21:54:46

I divided what anyone posts on facebook about their "fabulous lives" by at least four.

I agree with you OP. Next week is my tenth wedding anniversary. I will not be posting "Thank you for ten wonderful years and our two beautiful children" on Facebook because I fucking live with him and I can say it to his face! Also he'd rather have a shag than a Facebook declaration of shite grin

Snazzynewyear Fri 08-Mar-13 22:04:34

Badgers Exactly - the kind of people I am talking about on Twitter do exactly this to one another. Then one of them will retweet whatever thing the partner said to them for all their followers to enjoy. hmm This is while they are sitting in the same house, probably room.

CitizenOscar Fri 08-Mar-13 22:06:31

My friend did this - loveydovey messages about and to her DP on FB when I KNEW they'd been having serious troubles. Made me really uncomfortable reading them, especially when other people commented with "aw, sweet" and suchlike. Went on for a year. They're splitting up.

Hulababy Fri 08-Mar-13 22:09:12

Some people just really are very public in their affection ime - in person, on FB, wherever.
Some other people are very private about their relationships.
Most people are somewhere in between.

They may really mean it when they post it. Or they may be deluding themselves. Does it really matter to us reading it though?

Oh and yes - dead easy to post on FB within a matter of seconds, esp if on a mobile app.

I might have a good relationship but we are not surgically attached and need to spend every minute together. I can multi task even!!!

(Still don't write gushing FB statuses though - just other stuff)

mrsjay Fri 08-Mar-13 22:11:57

\i dont gush on FB i find it a bit bleurgh maybe I hate my husband wink

Fakebook Fri 08-Mar-13 22:12:54

I hate the spousal birthday messages:

"Happy birthday to my best friend, my soul mate, my love, my life, my everything. I am so happy you are in my life and I cherish the day I met you and am thankful you're the last thing I see at night and first thing I see in the morning. Not many people can say their best friend and soulmate is their husband/wife, but I can! Dear x I love you more everyday and thank you so much for the beautiful children you've given me, I will be eternally grateful for the joy you have bought to my life. Words cannot express my love for you. Everyday I will try to be a better husband/wife just how you are for me........"

And so on... <barfs>

mrsjay Fri 08-Mar-13 22:15:33

>>hands fakebook a sick bag that is truly awful grin

colleysmill Fri 08-Mar-13 22:18:25

I don't really mind the happy posts but Im not keen on the recent wave of photo uploads of corresponding spouses in their undies with captions "my fit hubby/wifey phroahh"

We might be friends but I draw the line at seeing them in their undies. I am well aware this probably makes me a prude but just no thanks

Snazzynewyear Fri 08-Mar-13 22:18:31

Exactly, why wouldn't you write that in a card if you really meant it? Putting it on FB makes it looks like it's there basically to display your affections to an audience rather than express them to your partner. I don't have a problem with showing affection but not as a public performance.

mrsjay Fri 08-Mar-13 22:19:41

My friend uploaded a pick of her 'man' in a onsie as her sexy teddy bear erm no dear please dont share

HollyBerryBush Fri 08-Mar-13 22:25:03

ah yes the foodies ..... new recipies I can take, Im guilty of that - but I have people who should be shot who persist in up loading McDs and gastro fry ups on the back of a hang over.

MooMooSkit Fri 08-Mar-13 22:27:04

Not really. Sometimes I'm at work and I'll get home and log onto FB and a status will be there from my OH something usually like, "Off to do so and so while the missus is at work, missing and love her lots!" or something like that. Didn't even think twice that people would sit there and think "oh god they must have issues to post that on FB" i'll do a status like that every so often, but not on it's own, it's usually if something good has happened like the OH has got some work or something good has happened and will mention I love my oh as well as my family.

we don't tend to write things on each other's wall much, it's usually random stuff like quotes from the mighty boosh if we aren't together. grin

Fakebook Fri 08-Mar-13 22:27:30

I know mrsjay, and I look forward to the soppy birthday messages from the offending friends every year. It makes a good laugh.

This valentines, an old school friend put up a picture of a candle-lit dinner and her bed, with rose petals arranged on it to make a heart with tea lights and a caption "thank you dh for a lovely dinner and lovely night"...the mental images I had were just sickening. Honestly, why would you put up a picture of your bed for all to see? confused

mrsjay Fri 08-Mar-13 22:29:51

the next step is after sex picturess fakebook watch out for them <bleurgh>

Pilgit Fri 08-Mar-13 22:31:41

Happily married. On Facebook a lot. Have small children so will usually be in. Do I tell DH i love him via FB? No! Do I brag about it? No! use it to keep up to date with friends (so I can pretend to have a life!). Probably not relevant but after 4 glasses of wine I'm not sure what is....

Fakebook Fri 08-Mar-13 22:31:50

Eek!

MrsDeVere Fri 08-Mar-13 22:35:06

I only really talk about my OH on facebook when he does something that I HAVE to share just to prove it actually happened.

Like when he thought it would be a good idea to buy me a hoover for Christmas.

I am happily married and I am on fb a lot. I don't have OH on my friends list though.

What does that mean confused

LadyPessaryPam Fri 08-Mar-13 22:35:11

Nobody who is happy posts about being happy, they may post about what they are doing though. Just ignore and hang on in there, most of us are doing the same.

LadyPessaryPam Fri 08-Mar-13 22:35:46

I am happily married too, but that doesn't immunise you from life.

sosooootired Fri 08-Mar-13 22:36:09

thankyou fakebook, i genuinely lurve you grin my photo-baker obviously has a subtext of 'look how brilliant and fulfilled i am' i baked 20 different vegan delights, sewed my kids spring wardrobe, cooked soup for homeless, yoga-d and probably birthed 20 people whilst you were sat there doing nothing meaningful. i know it's not a big deal in the greater scheme but it does irk me on t'internet level

GreenEggsAndNichts Fri 08-Mar-13 22:43:05

Now that I see what you mean, I totally agree. I'm happily married. I post on FB (I live overseas from my family and old friends so I use it for keeping in touch.) However, I don't post on FB about how happily married I am. DH would think I'd lost it.

The ones who post pictures of what gifts they've received always seem to be the ones in struggling relationships. I'm not sure if they're trying to convince us or themselves of how great their man is.

Then of course there's the ones who need to re-post strangely sappy pictures proclaiming how amazing it is to be in love and be loved etc. I'm glad you're in love. Why not go tell your DH that, privately?

aldiwhore Fri 08-Mar-13 22:46:06

I sometimes mention DH on FB, FB is my link to people I rather like, DH lives with me and I like him, a lot. DH isn't on FB.

I spend a lot of time on FB. I am happily married. Happier than I actually say on FB, though I'm never negative or do those evasive status updates.

YANBU entirely, because it is annoying to see badly worded lovesick pointless posts all the time, but YABU to think you can't be utterly delriously happily married AND enjoy regular FB time.

mrsjay Fri 08-Mar-13 22:46:33

I had a friend have a her and her husband joint account the other day I didnt friends them, I was confused why she would have a joint facebook with her husband

LadyPessaryPam Fri 08-Mar-13 22:54:26

????

rockinhippy Fri 08-Mar-13 22:57:46

YABU - I can see why it wind you up if you arse unhappy in your own relationship, but that doesn't make it fake, perhaps just not what you want to see, selfish though, you're miserable so you think anyone who appears not to be is fakesad

Some may well be fake of course, but so can some of the bitchy snipes too, but you'd probably enjoy those if this OP is anything to go by - DH & I have done that in jest before & had it taken too seriously & then had certain "friends" bitching about us being common for airing our dirty laundry in publicgrin - missing the point completely

so if someone is bitter & twisted enough to take things the wrong way, in face ache land you can't win

Maybe you should just stay off it for a while if its winding you up, that's what I would do

rockinhippy Fri 08-Mar-13 23:07:12

Shit, I'm happily married & enjoy all the foody silly valentine, my cute dog in his jumper, latest recipe success, look at my cocktails, my DP bought me this posts - but then I'm not bitter & twisted & think live & let live & enjoy the tongue in cheekness of it all - confused

sosooootired Fri 08-Mar-13 23:08:29

i don't think i'm so definitely 'wound up' by all this gooey true love pda - more commenting upon it and not swallowing..

sosooootired Fri 08-Mar-13 23:15:28

and i'm not even considering stepping away from fb.. why would i? i like keeping in daily, minute by minute contact with former neighbours, uni friends, old colleagues, friends of friends and lesser family members
i won't have time to when my own sorry life perks up wine

sosooootired Fri 08-Mar-13 23:18:00

i would love to see a photo of you dog in his jumper rockinhippy

BegoniaBampot Fri 08-Mar-13 23:33:36

My husband isn't on my friends list either. Was for a little while and he pissed me off so defriended him. Now I can't keep an eye n him, big mistake!

rockinhippy Fri 08-Mar-13 23:45:25

Ah, that makes more sense - I don't really have anyone on my own friends list that do that TBH, one couple who we know do it, goeey at times, but its very tongue in cheek! playing the 50s housewife to the tee whilst he poses with his jumper & pipe, photos & all, but its for fun, he doesn't even smoke - though TBH I've got a short attention span for anyone using FB in a way that winds me up & I just delete them, such as the friend who is lovely in real life, but amongst other things kept banging on about her being a designer & having designers block & needing inspiration etc etc - she makes & sells simple things she copies from tutorials, for barely any profit - & the long time friend who kept posting rants about needing new friends as her old ones were crap - she lost one instead

& no not my own dog, smile but I've a couple of friends that are prolific posters & constantly about their dog, usually in various outfits - barking mad - literally grin but entertaining - but I like my shoe fetish & travelling friends pictures the best & you are right, its fantastic for keeping in touch with people smile

twitchycurtains Fri 08-Mar-13 23:48:25

DH's best friend has been on the phone a lot lately moaning about his wife and how she is doing his head in and how they are arguing so much and he doesn't think they will "make it" and how she keeps telling him she is so unhappy with him, however the wife is constantly to be found on fb writing overly soppy statuses about home life, her "darling hubby" and how happy she is. I would feel sorry for her but seeing as she has always come across as "my shit don't stink" type, I can't help but chuckle when I see the latest status update about her life.

twitchycurtains Fri 08-Mar-13 23:51:39

There is one couple on my fb who are the most gorgeous couple ever, not only are they the most photogenic 2 people ever (the feckers) but they seem so in love, all their friends comment on what a cute couple they are and how in love they seem in person. They post the most wonderful photos from the most glamourous locations and just seem like they are genuinely in love and happy, I love stalking reading their status updates.

stopgap Fri 08-Mar-13 23:57:38

I use FB almost daily and I'm happy. I don't do ranting and the like, just post pictures of my toddler for my family's benefit (I live 3000 miles away).

threesypeesy Sat 09-Mar-13 08:14:28

im guilty of most of above! not all the time but i do gush at times how amazing my dh is and he genuinely is! he also buys the most amazing presents and i will post pictures never thought it might annoy other. but were a very close happy couple even after 12 years and 3dds tbh were the same in real life when out with friends joined at the hip in a happy bubble. i can see it would be annoying if people done this often though when you know they have problems

coralanne Sat 09-Mar-13 08:33:10

I often wonder the same thing about MNgrin

Truely, I often wonder if people are living parallel lives on MN.

At lease on FB you know the people are real people. I very rarely post. I only have family and a few really close friends.

As I live by myself (happily most of the time) it keeps me up to date with family who don't live close by.

I also send private posts to my DD so tht she can answer in her own time.

My DM invariably phones me just as I'm walking in the door from work, eating my dinner or just going to bed.

I don't want to do this to my DD because she's too lovely to fob me off (unlike me with my DM grin)

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