..in thinking DP should be able to decide a date to get married without consulting his brother first

(38 Posts)
IThinkIDo Fri 08-Mar-13 20:24:35

So, we are sat here having an 'OK, when shall we do it?'' conversation, to which he replied 'I would just need to see when x (DP's brother) is free this summer.' Eh? shouldn't it be the other way around? Don't you decide a date and then hope/assume important people can try hard to make it? confused Am supremely irritated by this. Off to get a glass of wine!

FunnyBird Fri 08-Mar-13 20:29:22

YABU
It only makes sense to check a few important people are going to be able to make it.

kinkyfuckery Fri 08-Mar-13 20:30:12

YABU. His brother being there is obviously very important to him.

Sirzy Fri 08-Mar-13 20:30:30

You planning for this summer? So its not that easy to just try hard to make it. People have holidays booked, or workplaces have all holidays booked.

YABU he is being sensible

A bit unreasonable, of course you need to make sure your nearest and dearest will be able to make it, unless you want to risk them not coming. What if they have booked holidays?

The only people you don't check with are the ones you don't mind not coming. Anyone you'd be devastated about not coming, well you check with them.

Carolra Fri 08-Mar-13 20:31:59

Agreed. YABU... We had to check with 6 parents and 5 siblings before we booked our wedding. I wanted them all there (well, maybe not the inlaws!) so we checked they didn't have other arrangements....

HollyBerryBush Fri 08-Mar-13 20:32:20

Depends on a thousand things.

So YABU

ThreeWheelsGood Fri 08-Mar-13 20:33:29

Yabu, I've known people to check with their family AND close friends before confirming the date. Why would you risk choosing a date an important family member couldn't make?

IThinkIDo Fri 08-Mar-13 20:33:30

Hmph grin

EverybodysSootyEyed Fri 08-Mar-13 20:34:57

Agree that as it is short notice you should check with the important people

otherwise you would be on here asking 'Aibu or being pissed off that Bil won't cancel his holiday to come to our wedding'

IThinkIDo Fri 08-Mar-13 20:35:14

But how do you plan something like this around potentially so many people? Surely you have to lead somewhat..? confused

hatgirl Fri 08-Mar-13 20:36:33

kind of depends on why he might need to check...

my brother spends summer shearing sheep in various parts of the country. He earns the best part of an average half years wage during that time but works 16- 18 hour days with few to no days off for a number of weeks. I wouldn't expect him to even remember I was getting married let alone actually be there if I decided to get married during that time.

Similarly my dad would probably disown me if I decided to get married in lambing time.

Although the wedding is all about you - if you want certain people to be there its probably a good idea to arrange it for when they can actually be there!

EverybodysSootyEyed Fri 08-Mar-13 20:36:49

Pick all your free weekends

Call up people in order of importance and cross out te ones they definitely can't make

Stop when you only have one date left

Or book your wedding at least a year in advance so most people won't have booked anything and get them to save the date

browniebear Fri 08-Mar-13 20:38:14

What does his brother do? Is it really hard for him to get time off?
I think YABU really if they're very close

IThinkIDo Fri 08-Mar-13 20:38:57

OK. Either I am now enlightened, or the wine has worked. Feeling much more mellow now smile

ImperialBlether Fri 08-Mar-13 20:39:08

OP, I hate to say this, but you are showing bridezilla tendencies. Please don't go down that road - everyone will hate you!

livinginwonderland Fri 08-Mar-13 20:42:26

yabu, i wouldn't want to get married if my family couldn't be there.

IThinkIDo Fri 08-Mar-13 20:42:45

Think perhaps it's the elevation of his brother as 'most important person to check with' that has annoyed me.

Will endeavour to chill...

IThinkIDo Fri 08-Mar-13 20:43:14

Bridezilla...nooooooo!!

EverybodysSootyEyed Fri 08-Mar-13 20:44:24

Well he clearly wasn't elevating him above you so not sure what the problem is

(you do sound a tad bridezilla - sorry!)

Does he want his brother to be best man? Then I could understand why he is the most important to check dates with.

CheeseStrawWars Fri 08-Mar-13 20:49:10

YABU. Relatively speaking, you are wedding-planning at quite short notice. Loads of people will have already booked their summer holidays at this stage.

scrablet Fri 08-Mar-13 20:49:20

Oh I was just thinking about this today.
When me and DH decided to get married, my DFather kept saying, you need to set a date cos DS is so busy and gets booked up so fast.
I was trying to sort out venues and got really stressed.
D (D) BIL told us it was our day and no matter what , they would be there,
Still wish I had said to DF was my day, and not about DS (Just this once Dad, eh?...) Hmmm, maybe still issues....

DontmindifIdo Fri 08-Mar-13 20:50:24

this summer??? Yes, that's short notice. Lots of people will already have holidays booked and be booked up with other events, it could well be his DB has already got various things booked that your DP knows about and really wants him there.

do you have a venue you want to use? If so, you might be worth finding out when they can do (if they are fully booked for the summer, then you'll have to rethink), then decide who on your guest list is a "must be there" and then check which of those weekends they can do. Start with both sets of parents if I was you.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Fri 08-Mar-13 20:51:28

Perhaps he has always wanted his brother to be his best man?

Would it have been better to choose a date and then discover than no one could make it? Is his brother going to be best man?

It's short notice, seems reasonable to check.
The first thing I checked was there wasn't a 5 Nations rugby match on! grin

Adversecamber Fri 08-Mar-13 20:55:51

DS sis lives abroad and had a very weird and unpredictable work schedule when we married. She is his only sibling so he did consult, didn't bother me.

I'd've thought it was quite usual to check with immediate family before deciding on a date to get married. You don't want your mum having to turn down her invitation, generally.

apostropheuse Fri 08-Mar-13 21:01:55

If you were planning a weddng two years from now you would not be being unreasonable, but becuase it's only a few months away you are being unreasonable.

People will already have made plans for this summer.

apostropheuse Fri 08-Mar-13 21:02:19

because

MrsSparkles Fri 08-Mar-13 22:17:21

I think it's quite normal to check with people you really want to be there( I know I did). DH's brother didn't check with us (for wedding next year) and is now sulking because we can't make it, after saying he'd checked with "all the important people" - errr if we were that important you should have checked!

DialMforMummy Fri 08-Mar-13 22:56:41

I don't think you are that unreasonable. If you try to find a date when everybody who matters to you can make it, you'll never get there. IME people who want to be there make it. Having said that, it's a tad short notice.

simplesusan Fri 08-Mar-13 23:06:58

Ordinarily I would say just set a date. However, given that it is very short notice,I think your oh is being sensible.

Most people have things planned months in advance, holidays etc and can't always alter plans.
I know for certain that my dh cannot change his summer holidays now that they are booked.

lollilou Fri 08-Mar-13 23:18:11

If your date is not set in stone I think it's nice to be able to check with important family to make sure they can be there. Our best friends didn't go to a Festival so that they could make our wedding but if we had checked with them first I would have moved the date.

You could be putting them in a very awkward position if they had booked holidays, would you expect them to cancel? Or just accept that they couldn't come.

Cherriesarelovely Fri 08-Mar-13 23:40:03

Yabu but only because it is short notice, by that I mean that we have had our holidays booked for a month or so already. Congratulations!

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