to be a little bit surprised and annoyed at this?

(38 Posts)
Greydog Fri 08-Mar-13 18:39:04

Today I have been to a funeral for an old, dear friend. One of the so called mourners was taking photos of people at the crematorium. I couldn't believe it. And not discrete pictures either - full camera set up. It made me really angry - I felt it was so disrespectful. What do you all think?

CabbageLooking Fri 08-Mar-13 18:40:04

Unusual certainly. But perhaps s/he had been asked to do it? Really depends on the motive I think.

CaptainSweatPants Fri 08-Mar-13 18:40:29

You mean like family photos?

Cherriesarelovely Fri 08-Mar-13 18:42:02

As Cabbage said it is a bit strange but is it possible that a family member asked the person to do this as a reminder of who came to the funeral? Difficult to know how to respond though if someone asks you to pose for a photo at a funeral.

Greydog Fri 08-Mar-13 18:42:05

Just pictures of who was there, and no she hadn't been asked to do it

Floggingmolly Fri 08-Mar-13 18:43:29

Hugely inappropriate hmm. Why would you do this?

Euphemia Fri 08-Mar-13 18:47:22

Will they all be tagged on FB later? hmm

YANBU - most inappropriate.

CloudsAndTrees Fri 08-Mar-13 18:49:03

Who was the mourner. If it was a close family member, I'd think it was odd but would leave them to it. Anyone else, very disrespectful.

Greydog Fri 08-Mar-13 18:50:14

not a family member, but a "friend" who's a bit of a hanger on to be honest. I hope that they wont be on FB later, but will let you know if they are!

QuanticoVirginia Fri 08-Mar-13 18:51:17

I was watching a documentary about this. There was a photographer who offered this as a service for funerals in the same way you would have a photographer at a wedding. The funeral they showed was quite a big one with bagpipers and everything at a very picturesque church.

The photographer then produced an album again in the same way you get get at a wedding. The family said they liked to look back on it because due to their grief and upset on the day they missed a lot of what was going on an they found comfort in the photos showing how much their loved one would be missed. There were lots of photos of people touching the coffin an looking pensive.

Not really my thing but I suppsse it's horses for courses

hiddenhome Fri 08-Mar-13 19:29:46

That all sounds a bit Victorian sad They used to take photos of their dead people. I wonder if pics of dead relatives are going to start appearing on the dreaded FB shock Perhaps undertakers could start specialising in post mortem duck faces confused

LemonPeculiarJones Fri 08-Mar-13 19:33:33

Jesus. How intrusive and inappropriate. Did no one ask her to stop? Do you think she might have okayed it with the family beforehand?!

LemonPeculiarJones Fri 08-Mar-13 19:34:33

Oh just seen that she hadn't got the blessing of the family confused

Is she a photographer?

Magimedi Fri 08-Mar-13 19:40:52


Totally out of order & showing no respect.

thanks for you at the end of a sad day.

thezebrawearspurple Fri 08-Mar-13 19:42:02

Why did nobody ask her what she was doing?

BabyRoger Fri 08-Mar-13 19:43:30



are you sure she hasn't been asked? horrible

TheFallenNinja Fri 08-Mar-13 20:01:41

I discovered my xsil had taken pictures of the mil in the open coffin at the chapel of rest. She was a real freak show about funerals. Loved them.

She is very ghoulish.

Greydog Sat 09-Mar-13 06:18:48

Magimedi - thanks for the flowers! Zebra - I think most people were too taken aback, and then concerned as we Brits often are, about causing a "scene"

thanksamillion Sat 09-Mar-13 07:30:56

Is the photographing friend from the UK? I only ask because where I live in E Europe it's totally normal to 'record' a funeral like this. In fact they do full on photos of the open coffin, often with the whole family standing round. We've been asked to take photos a few times but usually chicken out and give the camera to someone else because it feels so intrusive to us.

Greydog Sun 10-Mar-13 14:38:07

Hi, Million, no they're from the N west of England - and yes - the pics are on FB today. Sigh.

eosmum Sun 10-Mar-13 14:55:50

On Facebook! What do the closest family think? I still havent gotten over the shock of my sister sending my aunt a photo of my fathers remains in the hospice a couple of hours after he'd passed away. She was coming to see him in the funeral home the following day for the funeral.

LemonBreeland Sun 10-Mar-13 15:02:37

I would have to contact the person and ask them to remove the photos as they are disrespectful.

Funeral photos on fb is truly awful.

I'm sure FB would remove

Pandemoniaa Sun 10-Mar-13 15:08:18

This may sound weird but, as a photographer, I have been asked to discreetly capture funerals. Sadly they have usually been of very popular people who have died relatively young (in their 40s and 50s). Now it would never occur to me to take a camera to a funeral but I've been contacted by the families beforehand and asked if I would mind taking pictures. Obviously I wouldn't put them on FB but what the families do is up to them since I wouldn't presume to know how they are trying to cope with their loss.

Greydog Sun 10-Mar-13 15:08:42

Don't think the family are aware. But there's already "likes" on FB. Sometimes I wonder of it's me! And then I read the kind posts on here. Thanks everyone

YouTheCat Sun 10-Mar-13 15:16:01

You would 'like' photos taken of mourners?

I'd comment and say you and others were quite appalled that this person was taking photos at a funeral where people were there to say goodbye to a loved one not pose for bloody pictures.

YouTheCat Sun 10-Mar-13 15:16:28

Supposed to say 'who' not 'you' - stupid brain.

zukiecat Sun 10-Mar-13 16:01:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

elliejjtiny Sun 10-Mar-13 16:14:17

If she ddn't have the family's blessing then it's unacceptable and rude. I have photos of DS4's funeral but that's only because I don't have many photos of him (miscarriage at 13 weeks) and also the hospital chaplain and the crematorium staff had made a huge effort for such a tiny baby and I wanted to remember that.

Who has "liked" the photos on facebook? The family or just randoms who know the photographer but not the person who died?

Goldmandra Sun 10-Mar-13 16:27:34

I think I would find it comforting to have photos of a loved one's funeral to look back on.

It is a time when family members get together, not having seen each other for years for a start. It is also a time when I might not remember details I wanted to be aware of later.

However I think the photographer would should be very, very careful to make sure of the family's feelings and that they had express permission from those he was photographing. I can think of a few of our family who might hold back tears for fear of looking naff in a photo and that would be so wrong.

TheChaoGoesMu Sun 10-Mar-13 16:36:27

I think its quite a nice idea, if its what the family wants and people are happy to have their photos taken.

MrsMushroom Sun 10-Mar-13 16:59:34

Irish people and other cultures do this a lot. It's personal. You're wrong to call it distasteful.

ceres Sun 10-Mar-13 18:04:40

mrs mushroom - i'm irish and in the trillions of funerals i've been to i have NEVER seen anyone take photos.

HollyBerryBush Sun 10-Mar-13 18:07:40

I've seen a funeral videoed but in fairness the children were very young (pre school) their father died at a young age, so it was done so they could see just how loved he was, because their memories would fade very quickly.

Floggingmolly Sun 10-Mar-13 18:07:45

Another Irish person here shock. Never seen this in my life, and if I did I'd struggle to bite my tongue.

IceAddict Sun 10-Mar-13 18:46:40

I have photos of close family together at a close relatives funeral but only 2 or 3 pics. Which i took late on when everyone had had a drink and were all reminiscing. I think it's a little odd to me to have a photographer or to put said photos on FB, but that is my opinion. A friend of a friend has pics of their stillborn baby as profile pics on FB. I was a bit taken aback as, if you go to search for the person to add as a friend you have no choice but to look at a baby that has passed away sad

The fact they have put them on Facebook is really inappropriate.

My mum took photos at her dad's funeral. A bit unusual perhaps, but it was her dad & she wanted to. She was grieving, so in my opinion could do whatever the hell she wanted.

I have photos of my Gran in her coffin, my mum took some too. We were both utterly devastated when she died, just wanted one last photo I guess. Daft really as it doesn't even really look like her.

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