to think the health visitor this morning was a cheeky old bat?!

(115 Posts)
lumpybumps Fri 08-Mar-13 12:50:46

So my very lovely health visitor is off on maternity leave and I had a stand in this morning for DDs 6 month review. She was a total bitch to me. Here are some of the things she said-

'Two babies and your only 24? You have been busy, whats the rush?'

'Do both your children have the same father?'

She told me I should not have a dog- that babies and dogs are not a good mix and I should either keep him outside or 'get rid' of him. (FWIW dog is an 9 year old westie, who has grown up with kids since we got him when he was 8 weeks old. I would maybe understand if he was being boisterous but he was lying in his bed like a slob the whole time she was in'

I should not have a flat screen TV on a stand on the floor- they are extremely dangerous if toppled and it should be put on the wall immediately.

I am foolish for having a toybox and small childs chair infront of the window in living room as children might climb out the window, and she 'hopes to God I dont have my toddlers bed pushed against a window upstairs' Of course I dont!

When asking about 6 month old DD'S sleeping said recently she had been getting up a few times through the night crying but was easily settled with the dummy and stroking her head. She told me I need to let her cry it out, as by going to her and stroking her head and giving her attention I am 'rewarding' her for crying

AIBU in thinking she was really rude or am I just being over sensitive?

KatAndKit Fri 08-Mar-13 12:51:49

She was being very rude.

MarmaladeTwatkins Fri 08-Mar-13 12:53:01

YANBU and I would complain to my GP practice about her.

HumphreyCobbler Fri 08-Mar-13 12:53:02

I think she was really rude

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes Fri 08-Mar-13 12:53:10

she sounds a bit of a dragon tbh ring your surgery and ask that someone else comes instead until your own is back... if you are due any more visits that is.

Fairylea Fri 08-Mar-13 12:53:27

She was rude.

Health visitors often enjoy being on a bit of a power trip.

LadyBeagleEyes Fri 08-Mar-13 12:53:29

Health Visitor bingo that is.

midastouch Fri 08-Mar-13 12:54:19

How rude, im 24 and have 2 DCs same father i might add and i have dogs. Id complain and ask for a different one while yours is on maternity leave, i had one very much like yours he was so rude i complained to my midwife and she spoke to the heallth visitor for me bless her

Pagwatch Fri 08-Mar-13 12:55:55

She was rude. Take no notice and don't see her again. She sounds awful.

<<tries really hard to ignore 'old bat' >>

fedupofnamechanging Fri 08-Mar-13 12:56:06

She was rude. Health visitors can be a bloody menace sometimes - I really think they need to go back to the drawing board and be trained properly on how to speak to people without causing offence to new mothers who might be feeling vulnerable.

I think I would be inclined to contact the local health authority and put your views on record - they really shouldn't be allowed to get away with this kind of shit.

Just in case you didn't know, you don't have to see her - it is a service which you are well within your rights to refuse. Your doctor's surgery can do immunisations etc.

PopeBenedictsP45 Fri 08-Mar-13 12:56:28

Rude, rude, rude. Did you give her the sharp side of your tongue?

cantspel Fri 08-Mar-13 12:58:04

She was rube but does have a point about the tv and toybox.

cantspel Fri 08-Mar-13 12:59:16

rude even

How actually old was she.?

<<not as wise as Pag>>

Bumply Fri 08-Mar-13 13:02:32

That's the problem.
There's the odd nugget of useful advice but if they put your back up with opinionated rubbish (cc) and downright rudeness (same father quip) you're going to dismiss everything they say.

MajaBiene Fri 08-Mar-13 13:04:37

She was rude.

The advice about the TV was important though - apparently flat screen TVs toppling is a huge cause of childhood injury now - but she obviously didn't deliver it very well.

ibizagirl Fri 08-Mar-13 13:05:07

I had a nice young one and then an old bag as a stand-in. She asked me whether i had "thought about suicide as you are a lone parent". WHAT?? She also asked me why dd's father and i had split. I didn't tell her anything, not that there was much to tell. And of course their eyes are everywhere. "have you got a moses basket?" she asked me. "no" i replied. "good because they are dangerous. Don't buy one". Silly things like that. Same as nappies. Asking me whether i was using terry nappies. She could see i was!! Stupid woman.

PopeBenedictsP45 Fri 08-Mar-13 13:06:27

I think the advice about the TV was sound, too, but it was a bit diluted by all the barely veiled insults.

Snoopingforsoup Fri 08-Mar-13 13:11:17

She was being rude. She's a HV, not a critic. If you have any more run-ins with her, I'd consider making a complaint.
My experience of HV's is mixed and I know they're not all nice and I actually had a real go at one who was being a b*tch. She wasn't being helpful or nice, she was being judgemental, rude and so I snapped back and told her so.
It's unfortunate that health professionals are allowed to come into your home and say such stuff. 'Rude and abusive behaviour not being tolerated' should be a two way street.

LaalRatty Fri 08-Mar-13 13:12:46

My HV told me she loved my dd's pram as it was getting rarer to see a baby lying completely flat and not sat in a car seat, swing, bouncer or bumbo seat. The one that came after her said I shouldn't have her lying completely flat and to put her in a bouncer. hmm I just smiled and nodded then did whatever the hell suited me. She spoke to me like I was an idiot, told my ds not to play near his sister then asked me to fill in a form about suicidal tendencies. I felt low after dd2 was born. The mw was lovely but she must have prompted the visits from the hv's.

lumpybumps Fri 08-Mar-13 13:15:29

Thank goodness im not just being oversensitive! I was shocked the way she spoke to me, She made me feel like a total crap parent!!

Another question she asked was 'does she ever cry and you dont know what to do with her? ' confused

Chaos she was at least late 50's.

I am thankful she told me about the dangers of the TV as TBH it was something I had never really considered but it was the way she said it, that i had to do it IMMEDIATELY. did she expect me to stand and hold it up to the wall all day until DP came home with a bracket? I just said ok thats smething I will look into.She said well make sure you do!!

As for the toybox- do you really think its a big problem? My living room is quite small, the window takes up the majority of one wall and obviously they are never alone in there for more than a minute or two while im up at the loo or making a bottle! If im leaving the room the window would be closed!!

MajaBiene Fri 08-Mar-13 13:18:16

Keep the windows shut/locked when you are not in the room and then it isn't a problem.

Pagwatch Fri 08-Mar-13 13:21:10

<<bites at 'at least late 50's.>>

I am in my 50s. I am not old or a bat.

If I behave like a twat I am just being a twat. I am not an 'old' twat. Why is being a middle aged woman worth an extra sneer?

She was being an arse. Her age has no more to do with it than does your age as a mother of two.

'The HV was being a cunt' covers the situation without invoking middle aged women as useless crones.

<hurumphs and does up extra buttons on cardi>>

cantspel Fri 08-Mar-13 13:21:17

Put a lock on the window and make sure the key is kept somewhere safe away from the window.

Viviennemary Fri 08-Mar-13 13:21:35

I'm quite old fashioned in my views. But she was totally and absolutely out of order and you should say you want a different Health Visitor.

TheChaoGoesMu Fri 08-Mar-13 13:22:47

Keep the window locked. Both my dc's beds are against the window because theres nowhere else to put them.
Your hv was very rude.

LadyBeagleEyes Fri 08-Mar-13 13:22:53

Hmm, I'm in my 50's too.
I hate the term old bat.

lumpybumps Fri 08-Mar-13 13:24:28

Sorry lady, didn't mean to offend anyone but I hated the way I was spoken too

FeckOffCup Fri 08-Mar-13 13:25:07

About the tv, if you want to keep it on the stand there are safety devices you can get to stop it toppling. See here for some, we have one as our tv would look stupid on a wall in our living room due to the room shape.

lumpybumps Fri 08-Mar-13 13:27:22

Thank you feckoffcup, will look into those as we are tenants in this house so aren't supposed to be drilling walls!

Pagwatch Fri 08-Mar-13 13:28:36

smile it's alright lumpybumps. She was an arse and she shouldn't have upset you.

It's just irritating. Midle aged women really are looked down upon as worthless and yet most people on this board would hope to be one one day... Think of it as self interest grin

midori1999 Fri 08-Mar-13 13:30:25

YANBU.

I always wish I would meet one of 'these' HV's, but they never say a peep to me...

FeckOffCup Fri 08-Mar-13 13:30:31

We have the stabilis one which clamps the tv onto the stand and it seems pretty steady, no drilling required.

Pandemoniaa Fri 08-Mar-13 13:31:18

I'm in my late 50s too so have also winced about the "old bat" comments. She' was bloody rude and I suspect her age has absolutely nothing to do with it. However, I dislike seeing all of us in this age bracket being so casually labelled. It is attitude, not age that is at issue.

However, I do wish these rude and judgemental HVs would recognise that their behaviour dilutes any reasonable comments they might have. Because it is important to secure your TV - you can get kits for strapping them down - but this helpful message is likely to get lost in an otherwise patronising stream of consciousness.

sarahtigh Fri 08-Mar-13 13:32:38

she was very rude, you do not have to put up with rudeness from health visitor she has no right to be in your home, you can say, I think you are being very and unnecessarily unhelpful and rude please just leave now ignore threats to tell SS they are not interested unless there is loads of other stuff

please do not move the key far from window someone might need to unlock in a hurry if a fire by all means out of reach but not in the kitchen drawer or another room, many windows can be locked open at just 3-5cm no child can get through a 5cm gap

TV just needs to be secured not on wall, as loads of people tenants and simply would not be allowed to place on wall

eggsandwich Fri 08-Mar-13 13:33:24

she must of got out of bed the wrong side! I remember when I had my ds, my hv asked how I was, and I said to her that motherhood was alot harder than I thought it would be, her response was did we have him as an accessory. If my dh had'nt of been sitting next to me at the time, I would of thought I had misheard her.

Buzzardbird Fri 08-Mar-13 13:34:08

Jesus, I was hoping to be at least 80 before anyone called me "old" and unless I can fly around in the dark with my eyes shut and not bump into anything I will never be a "bat"

Oh, and YANBU (except for the helpful safety advice obv.)

HecateWhoopass Fri 08-Mar-13 13:35:09

You know you don't HAVE to see a health visitor, don't you? And you don't have to have them in your home.

Simply refuse to see her again. If asked, say you found her rude and patronising and that she appeared to look down on you as a young mother.

Startail Fri 08-Mar-13 13:36:33

TVs are very heavy and unlocked windows can be dangerous, BUT she was very rude and off hand and you are totally within your rights never to see her again.

DF has a bonkers Westie and Grandchildren of all ages, he's lovely with them and with my DDs. DD2 takes him for walks. (DD1 is scared of him. Not his fault, DD1 is a teen and knows better, she just doesn't like dogs.)
The HV was VUR!

lumpybumps Fri 08-Mar-13 13:36:43

It's nothing to do with her age and im certainly not labelling anyone in that age bracket!

FlowerPotMum Fri 08-Mar-13 13:38:06

She was completely out of order. I would complain about her to he HV team. The next mother she speaks to like that may not be confident enough to do anything about it.
New mums can be vunerable, they need support. Yes, some of her advice was valuble ( the tv on the wall), but it was hidden amoungst some total crap.

Buzzardbird Fri 08-Mar-13 13:38:28

And yy to sarah's advice on keeping the key in your windows (firemen rarely lock windows).

We bought a very tall cabinet (Hi-Fi unit I think?) to put TV on until she was older.

Pagwatch Fri 08-Mar-13 13:38:35

Ok. Then maybe find a different insult than old bat for future smile

I like twat, arse, knobber and cockmonkey. <<helpful>>

NotSoNervous Fri 08-Mar-13 13:39:57

She was being rude! I would phone and complain about her and refuse to see her again

ilovecolinfirth Fri 08-Mar-13 13:43:41

Yeah, she sounds very rude. However, I really don't agree with some of the comments from other people about HVs being on a power-trip, and needing to be re-trained on how to speak to new mums properly. Like all professions, there are those who aren't great, but some people are generalising.

I'm not suggesting you're over-sensitive, as she was bang out of order but I suspect some mums take umbrage over HVs as they don't like feeling as if they're being judged, and don't like the suggestion they're not doing things completely right.

Pagwatch Fri 08-Mar-13 13:45:10

It might be worth feeding back the info to your surgery that she was rude and patronising. You don't have to see her again but she might upset a new first time mother in the early months.
Someone being critical like that would have upset me when I first had DS.

ceramicunicorn Fri 08-Mar-13 13:46:00

Yanbu she was being rude.

My hv wad rude too. She came round when my baby was a few days old. She asked me if I was depressed as I clearly hadn't felt up to cleaning or looking after myself for the last few days! My dh was there and just burst out laughing.

TheFallenNinja Fri 08-Mar-13 13:46:11

She would have been shown the door

lumpybumps Fri 08-Mar-13 13:49:45

Thank you everyone for helpful advice, I hadn't actually realised you didn't have to see them, I always thought it was compulsory! They aren't due back now for another 6 months so my own health visitor will be back by then!

To me the phrase 'old bat' is just a phrase to describe someone who's itritating and patronising! If she had of been mid 30's I still would have described her as an old bat, it's nothing to do with her age. My mother is in her 50s too and I would be lost without her advice. I really didn't mean to offend anyone.

WellSlapMyThighAndCallMeNancy Fri 08-Mar-13 13:55:33

I had a HV visit when DS was a few days old. I badly needed a wee, so placed him in the middle of my double bed.

"Oh my, really? Oh gosh. Oh dear!"

Me -"eh? What?"

"What if he rolls off?" All coupled with OTT hands on her face and 'looking away, I cant look!'

I just rolled my eyes, left him on he bed and had my wee.

Where did she expect me to put him?
I still have no idea? He had no cot. Did she expect me to hold him? Put him on the floor?

Buzzardbird Fri 08-Mar-13 13:57:03

lumpy don't take it to heart. It was just a gentle hint that ladies over 50 don't like to be called "old bats", you would have a right battering if people were really angry at you grin

You have had enough patronising for one day. Take no notice of HV's opinions. The young ones I had were absolutely shite but the more mature HV I had was absolutely brilliant and helped me get some help with my physical problems that were making being a mother very difficult. That woman was well into her 50's, I wish there were more like her around.

sannaville Fri 08-Mar-13 14:00:49

Hv are a jobsworth sometimes! My last one told me that my tortoises were a danger to my kids as they can spread salmonella and may bite the kids!! I had to tell her tortoises don't carry salmonella as they eat weeds not meat and they don't bite as they have no teeth! Stupid cow!

We did have our tv on a stand until dd2 and her sticky fingers came along and we reconsidered and wall mounted it! More floor space less tv marks, didn't even consider the hazard tbh!

scoobydooagain Fri 08-Mar-13 14:06:53

Wellslapmythigh - I am a HV and weekly I tell parents to put their babies on the floor grin

WellSlapMyThighAndCallMeNancy Fri 08-Mar-13 14:16:14

Scooby, he would have been trodden on by his brother for sure. He was definitely safe on the bed.

midori1999 Fri 08-Mar-13 14:20:51

Actually sannaville, tortoises can carry salmonella, as can all reptiles.

ILovePonyo Fri 08-Mar-13 14:27:14

Excuse my ignorance, why can't you put a child's bed by the window? We are moving 2year old dd from cot to bed soon and it will only fit by window. Or radiator. Hmm confused

Oh yanbu op grin

lumpybumps Fri 08-Mar-13 14:30:50

ILove I assume it would be no problem if window was locked, and there was no way for your child to access keys? Just make sure it's not your fire escape window as they cannot be locked! Oh and If you have blinds though please make sure the blind cord is well put up out of the way!

ILovePonyo Fri 08-Mar-13 14:38:07

Thanks lumpy, that all makes sense and was what I was thinking, I wondered if I'd missed something obvious! blush

ilovecolinfirth Fri 08-Mar-13 14:39:56

It's not a good idea to put a baby in the middle of a bed, even if they're a new-born...at some point when you least expect it they do learn to roll...best not get into the habit. I put a stair gate on one room so that I could keep my 3 year old away from my newborn, until I felt confident they would be ok together. There's nothing wrong with putting a baby on the floor. Why did you not hand baby to hv to hold, and how did she know you put baby on bed? Surely she didn't follow you into bedroom.

Tortoises do carry salmonella.

Casing point...health visitors actually do know what they're on about, and some mums just don't like the fact someone knows better than them

smile

Tsk! Two children and you don't know the response to any question regarding how your child is sleeping is "Like a baby" grin

Yes, she was rude, out of order, patronising and you did well to stay calm.

SankPorter Fri 08-Mar-13 14:57:04

She was certainly being rude. YANBU

And, in late 50s, will add to the chorus that 'old bat' is offensive.

HerLordship Fri 08-Mar-13 14:58:36

I'd complain to the head of health visitors in your area. She sounds awful. Very rude, and very judgemental

HerLordship Fri 08-Mar-13 15:00:33

I do think too that some HVs look for things to pick at. I have 3 DCs, and even at my youngests' 2 year check the HV was asking question after question to try to find something that I was doing wrong. HVs are a waste of space, in the majority IMO

MrsMushroom Fri 08-Mar-13 15:01:20

I complained when my HV tried to make me put a religion on DDs forms...."Oh go on...just put CofE instead of none...none sounds sad."

angry

Raum Fri 08-Mar-13 15:06:41

Complain to your GP practice manager and senior partner in writing. That's not professional and not acceptable. YANBU

Tubegirl Fri 08-Mar-13 15:14:46

<nothing useful to say but laughing at Pagwatch's suggested alternative wording>

LtEveDallas Fri 08-Mar-13 15:20:06

The one and only time I saw the HV she was catsbummouth all through the visit because I had come back from work to see her and was in my uniform. She commented that the clothes I was wearing would 'unsettle the child' and I shouldn't wear them in front of her.

She also insulted my neice who had stepped in to provide childcare for a week when my nanny quit:
"What makes you think you can look after a baby?"
"Umm, my 7 year old"
"Where is your child then, was she removed?"
shock
"No, she's with my mum"
"Why have you abandoned her, do you do this often? I suppose you go out all the time"
shock angry

"OK, fuck off now and don't come back"

PopeBenedictsP45 Fri 08-Mar-13 17:29:10

LtEveDallas - "She commented that the clothes I was wearing would 'unsettle the child'"

Do you work as a scary clown?

<stubbornly ignores clue in username>

WestieMamma Fri 08-Mar-13 17:31:54

She told you to get rid of your Westie? shock

Kill her.

FutTheShuckUp Fri 08-Mar-13 17:42:25

Why is everyone so vile about HV's? Like all professions there are good and bad.
I am hoping to do my training to become a HV but it really puts me off the way people speak about them as if they are all crap/evil/interfering

LadyBeagleEyes Fri 08-Mar-13 17:45:47

I don't suppose people start threads about the good ones Fut.
My HV nearly 18 years ago was lovely, and just on retirement age.
She was very kind and motherly.

FutTheShuckUp Fri 08-Mar-13 17:47:31

And how come your child was having a 6 month review? Most areas do 9-12 month reviews, never heard of 6 month reviews. (sceptical whether this actually happened and if its just an excuse for a bunfight emoticon needed)

FutTheShuckUp Fri 08-Mar-13 17:48:39

It just seems on most threads about HV's everyone seems to wade in about them being 'old bags' 'useless' or basically just slating an entire profession. Its weird.

JiltedJohnsJulie Fri 08-Mar-13 17:48:51

Fut there ae sone good ones, I just haven't met any yet. All of the ones I've had so far have been childless and there bfing and general advice was misguided at best and downright wrong most of the time. Hope you buck the trend smile

FutTheShuckUp Fri 08-Mar-13 17:51:01

I must say all the ones I work with are a)normal b)nice and c)not 'old bats' at all!

lumpybumps Fri 08-Mar-13 17:54:40

Excuse me fut?? So I've just made this up then have I? Yeh, because I have nothing better to do with my time. hmm How rude.

FYI there is a 6-9 month review in child's house, which includes a home safety talk.

girlwiththedragon Fri 08-Mar-13 17:54:51

My HV told me not to let my older DD aged 7 play out because (I quote) "a child with blonde hair is more likely to be kidnapped". confused wtf??? I laughed so much

pansyflimflam Fri 08-Mar-13 18:02:43

Do complain to her boss about her. I had one like this, she was an utter utter bitch actually. Bearng in mind I am in my 40's and this was my 5th child. She asked me allsorts of prying questions and gave me helpful advice about not leaving a baby on a table top and all that shit. She kept on popping in, far more times than she should and undermined me a lot (which takes a lot as I do know what I am doing). She kept telling me how tired I looked and how I would NEVER EVER manage 5 children without 'help'. She was a monster so I complained about her to her boss and she was reprimanded.

Seriously I have never made a complaint about anyone in the NHS I do feel like they mostly do a great job for shit money but this woman was horrible and I felt personally that is she was around a vulnerable Mother she would completely defeat them.

You do not have to weigh your baby or go for checks and you have the right to ask never to have this woman in your house again. Their job is to support you and your family and if you do not feel supported then get rid!

LadyBeagleEyes Fri 08-Mar-13 18:07:41

Fut, when my ds was 11 months old he came home from holiday after a long car journey where he threw up for the last 200 miles. The local Dr came to see him and told us to give him liquids, and came in the next day and said he was getting better.
Except he was a lot worse, my ex met the HV while out (tiny village) and she came to see him, he had severe gastroenteritis and ended up in hospital for two days on a drip.
I remember her on the phone totally railroading the Dr, who completely caved in.grin
I still see her around all the time, she's in her late 70's now and still going strong.

thebody Fri 08-Mar-13 18:23:27

Shame you had to call her an 'old bat'.

I havnt had the best experiences of health visitors but not because of their or my age at the time. I have dealt with some extremely stupid young nurses as well.

Anyway parking that!

yes she was tactless but why didn't you ask her to leave or tell her she was rude.

You don't have to admit a health visitor or see one.

Personally after one visit with ds1 I didn't bother.

LtEveDallas Fri 08-Mar-13 18:24:18

The HV I had in Germany was lovely, and helped me get Premie DD settled on the breast when I thought I would have to express forever (not allowed to BF in SCBU). The one I saw in Shropshire (when DD was 6 months old incidentally) was horrible and upset my niece and I.

Some are nice, some are horrible. Isn't that true about everyone?

(Pope, my DD would be far more scared of a clown suit than my combats smile)

DeskPlanner Fri 08-Mar-13 18:29:12

Horribly rude, but I agree with her point about the tv.

Tubegirl Fri 08-Mar-13 18:30:37

Pope and Lt, I would be afraid of clown suit let alone dd. thank you Stephen King for ruining clowns for me with IT <shudders>

toffeelolly Fri 08-Mar-13 18:36:32

So rude, I would report her. No need for this!

bangwhizz Fri 08-Mar-13 19:21:15

She had a point about the toybox etc
and the dog
and the 'same father' question is to do with medical history

LadyBeagleEyes Fri 08-Mar-13 19:26:14

My HV drove around with her little terrier on her lap, it used to look like it was driving the car.
Single track roads, sparse population though, before all the catsbum mouths come out.

lumpybumps Fri 08-Mar-13 19:56:42

I did not call her an old bat to her face. Personally I think old bat is far less offensive than some of the things it's been suggested I call her.

Bangwizz, can you explain what you mean by how you agree about the dog? Surely I'm not the only mother who has young children and a house dog? hmm

Yes, I've said that she had valid points about the tv- it's something I'm sorting but it was her tone and the way she judged me I didn't like. The window is locked in the living room so I don't see it as a problem.

Geez, I think I've been judged and patronised enough for one day.

hiddenhome Fri 08-Mar-13 19:57:12

Health Visitors - nod, smile and totally ignore smile

Pagwatch Fri 08-Mar-13 20:14:40

Fwiw. I would prefer to be called a twat than an old bat.
One is just randomly rude. The other is sneering and patronising.

LadyBeagleEyes Fri 08-Mar-13 20:20:48

We need to find your most excellent MAW thread Pag, is it still around?

Pagwatch Fri 08-Mar-13 20:27:24

It might be. I can't remember. grin

WellSlapMyThighAndCallMeNancy Fri 08-Mar-13 20:36:05

"They'll learn to roll of the bed at sometime, best not get into the habit." No shit sherlock. smile

The thing is though, luckily for me I have common sense. When I referred back to this sense, I asked it - will my 7 day old baby learn to roll 3 foot in the next 1.5 minutes? And my common sense gave me the answer of no.

Pagwatch Fri 08-Mar-13 20:41:31

At least if he had fallen you could have posted in Gifted and Talented. So not all bad.

idiot55 Fri 08-Mar-13 20:58:41

completly get why your upset, she sounds like a right nosey old bat to me!!

I would try to forget about it and hope you dont come across her agin, she might be retiring soon with any luck

Redbindy Fri 08-Mar-13 21:04:48

Get rid of her. You obviously know so such more than the professionals, I'm surprised that you agreed to have any dealings with them in the first place.

Tubegirl Fri 08-Mar-13 21:07:47

grin Pagwatch

cityangel Fri 08-Mar-13 21:24:48

they are all complete ***es & if not that's because they haven't learnt it from the older ones yet. I was lucky enough that child 4 was thriving so this time round we escaped these hypocritical always late women who have too much power and no training.

Put it in writing your complaint copy the PCT, GP, midwifes you originally dealt with & anyone who can expose/ shame them.

Ask yourself if you can avoid having them near you and your child (ask a couple of family members to help with advice instead?) if yes avoid like the plague. They screw up heal prick tests, basic advice, weighing jabs & get paid to do it ********

bumperella Fri 08-Mar-13 22:25:33

Huh. my HV told me off for putting DD on the floor (on a rug) in case "someone stepped on her". There was only me and HV in the house at the time, both of us perfectly able (physically, sight-wise, not drunk/stoned, etc), and it was bright daylight. HV generally have decent advice. But am sure like everyone else they sometimes say daft things.

As to what this particular HV said to you:
I dn't understand why your age is relevant - if you'd conceived DC2 a few weeks after the birth of DC1 then maybe someone pointing out that this isn't best health-wise would be OK.
The "same father" question may well be for medical history (but my HV was keen to emphasise that she wasn't a GP/nurse so she couldn't help with proper medical conditions) but sounds like was badly put, at best.
I think is unwise to completely trust dogs around children (and vice-versa) but a bit of common sense supervision sorts that out.
Children climbing out of windows depends on the type of window etc, but most toddlers become horribly capable of moving child-sized chairs to become "useful" step-ladders so am not sure that keeping living room windows clear of toy-boxes is a long term fix.
The crying at night thing - that's a whole other can of worms, everyone has an opinion. Personally leaving to cry isn't my style, but possibly becuase one of my DD's few skills is being able to sleep well!

kerstina Fri 08-Mar-13 22:29:08

YANBU at all!! I am also surprised you are being pulled up of your choice of words. I think you were very polite. I think I would have called her an f**** rude old bat grin

LadyPessaryPam Fri 08-Mar-13 22:29:22

Old bat here. never found my HV back in the dark ages any help at all. So smile and ignore.

kerstina Fri 08-Mar-13 22:30:32

sorry a f** ...

LadyBeagleEyes Fri 08-Mar-13 22:31:39

It seems that HV's are now de rigeur (sp) now we have MN where everybody's an expert.hmm.

LadyPessaryPam Fri 08-Mar-13 22:36:50

LadyBeagleEyes sorry don't follow?

LadyPessaryPam Fri 08-Mar-13 22:48:28

Probably being sense, sorry. sad

LadyPessaryPam Fri 08-Mar-13 22:54:56

dense not sense FFS!

BerthaKitt Fri 08-Mar-13 23:08:23

LadyBeagleEyes do you mean they are passé?

My HVs have not been very useful tbh. OP she does sound rude.

Fut they do home visits at 6 months in my area.

Madratlady Fri 08-Mar-13 23:46:04

You should definitely make a complaint. At the very least she is incredibly tactless.

I think part of the problem with HVs is that a lot of them are older and trained a long time ago and then not kept up to date with changing advice. If they then do everything 'by the book' and fail to respect the experience of the mums they work with I can see how some of them can be terrible.

I am hoping to do my health visitor training in a year or so and I sincerely hope I would never forget that many mums have done it all before and that all mums and babies are different!

MagzFarqharson Sat 09-Mar-13 00:01:54

Most of them are know-it-all, gossiping, power-crazed twats. They think they've got the same powers as HM Customs and Excise ffs. How do I know? I have to work with them and have to listen to them talking about clients when they come back from visits. There's a few (a few) lovely ones but in general they're overpaid nosey parkers who think they have the right to speak to people in any way they like. (Can you tell I love my job?)

ilovecolinfirth Sat 09-Mar-13 07:18:56

Wellslapmythigh...if you're going to use quotation marks, you should copy what I said, rather than put it in your words. A) I didn't make a spelling mistake, b) I didn't say all babies learn to roll off beds. My children haven't learnt how to roll off beds!!

True common sense is putting a baby on the floor, if you're concerned about toddlers, move them away.

And I still do not understand how the HV saw you put your baby on the bed. My HV certainly doesn't follow me around the house and would never expect to be in my bedroom. Hmmmmm, pure HV bashing at its best!

SomethingOnce Sat 09-Mar-13 09:08:30

Misogynist, ageist name-calling - was that your way of marking International Women's Day? (Sorry, I couldn't help myself.)

Anyway, YANBU. HVs are a lottery; I've had a lovely one and one who really pissed me off when DD was tiny. I doubt what annoying HV said would have bothered me as much if I hadn't been post partum, but it comes with the territory so you'd think they'd have done a module at HV school on how to be sensitive.

Sorry you had to deal with a duff one!

lumpybumps Sat 09-Mar-13 09:56:40

Hi all, glad to see the majority of you are on my side! smile

I am in no way trying to say that I know better than the health professionals- however I do know my children better than anyone.

Nor am I slating the entire profession, my first sentence stated that I have a very lovely health visitor normally!

Her age has nothing to do with her being a good health visitor and whether I like her or not- when my son was younger and I was worried that he wasn't getting enough calcium I took him to the clinic and a young health visitor told me not to worry- just feed him plenty of kinder chocolate as it has added calcium hmm

SolomanDaisy Sat 09-Mar-13 10:38:56

I'd like to thank this health visitor, I hadn't realised how dangerous LCD TVs were. I've ordered the safety device someone linked to earlier in the thread!

my HV saw my DS4 in my bedroom....I was bed ridden for the first two weeks of his life. I also had a home birth so everyone just visited me in my bedroom...including the HV...it is quite possible ilovecolinfirth

Booyhoo Sat 09-Mar-13 10:57:30

i would have told her to leave at the first rude comment. she doesn't have a right to be in your home and she certainly has no right to be rude to you once in it. i would have told her to leave and then called the GP practice and told them what she did and that another HV was required to carry out DD's six month check.

My DT's were 8 weeks prem and came out of hospital after 3 weeks - the day we got them home, still slightly stunned our HV came to see us. She was nice and friendly but when we got up to their room where they were asleep she immediately picked one up, cut off his wristband ("you must know which is which by now") and put him back in his cot, and then repeated the exercise with DT 2. We were less than impressed that she'd woken two snoozy babies who then proceeded to yell for ages - "oh dear, they don't seem very happy do they". Well no, and nor would I be if you'd woken me up.

I was so cross, and when she either turned up unannounced or missed appointments we requested a change - that was no problem and we had a lovely lovely HV who became our best friend for ages! We specifically asked for and got her for DS3.

As someone said earlier there are always great ones and crap ones in whatever field you work in, tis life. There's no need for rudeness, and she was probably totally unaware that you thought she was being rude. I'm not sure an official complaint is the thing, but you could certainly bring it to someone's attention.

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