To think this is bullshit, and I need YOUR help to stop it.

(41 Posts)

link to a fred sorry

It is just bullshit, misogynistic bullshit. I need your help.

Link to article what no means

The long and short of it, is apparently a woman means yes if you approach sex right and a man means yes if a woman doesn't expect an orgasm hmm

MammaTJ Wed 06-Mar-13 23:25:29

Not quite sure why you felt the need to start a thread directing us to a thread you started half an hour ago. hmm

WorraLiberty Wed 06-Mar-13 23:25:41

I only sped read it but didn't it say 'multiple' orgasms?

Naysa Wed 06-Mar-13 23:34:43

I don't really get why you're so heated you need to make two threads hmm

IMO it's not that bad. It's not encouraging rape it's just highlighting the differences in the way men and women become aroused and their attitudes towards sex - albiet very briefly.

I honestly don't think it's worth two threads. confused

Naysa Wed 06-Mar-13 23:36:14

It's also written by a woman. I think this is why there is less about how men think.

SashaSashays Wed 06-Mar-13 23:46:28

Can't see what your so worked up about. It provoked a bit of an eye roll from me as its a very cliched type of article but its hardly worth getting so heated over.

It's very similar to something I read not so long ago in (I think but not certain) Marie Claire, which was about "getting your man to go down" and other sexual acts when he had already said he didn't want to. Same concept.

So no doesn't mean no then? confused I realise that I have two threads running at the same time, I thought the subject matter was one that would get people as pissed off as I am, obviously not.

WorraLiberty Wed 06-Mar-13 23:50:06

It's missing one word and that's 'can'

What no 'can' really mean when she says no to sex.

Other than that, imo she makes some valid observations.

MrsMushroom Wed 06-Mar-13 23:50:12

Get real all of you people who can't see the problem here! The "writer" is an embarrassment. She's crapping on about "ladies let go of your expectation for multiple orgasms"

Why?

So men don't feel "pressure".

She's also toyed with an important right we have...the right to say no and mean it. when a woman says no she means fucking NO! There's no grey area and this knobhead is writing as though there is!

Naysa Wed 06-Mar-13 23:50:45

When does it say no doesn't mean no?

The author is explaining why women say say no and how men's sexual advances make them feel. Nowhere in the article does it say "if she says no, go ahead anyway". What it's saying is "you got a no because abc so in future try xyz"

Or am I reading something different to you? hmm

MrsMushroom Wed 06-Mar-13 23:51:12

Worra go on....give me one valid observation.

MrsMushroom Wed 06-Mar-13 23:52:17

naysa it does not HAVE to say "if she says no go ahead and do it" what it IS saying is that men should DOUBT the word no.

And when it comes to sex...they should not. of course they should not! No means NO when we're talking sex.

nailak Wed 06-Mar-13 23:55:20

i read the article and i thought it was about how to get your wife in the mood, and that men are more visually stimulated then women and stuff?

nailak Wed 06-Mar-13 23:56:09

it is like saying try and understand why she is saying no, in future you should initiate intimacy in this manner, ie less abrupt etc

nailak Wed 06-Mar-13 23:56:45

no where does it say is what she really means is yes

MrsMushroom Wed 06-Mar-13 23:57:38

Nailak If it was meant to be about how to get your wife or partner in the "Mood" then why not call it what it is?

Why frigging cast doubts over what a woman means when she says no....I'll tell you what I mean when I say no....I MEAN NO! Not maybe...not perhaps but NO!

MrsMushroom Wed 06-Mar-13 23:59:08

Nail it doesn't HAVE to say what she really means is yes.

It's suggesting that the word NO could mean YES...it's saying "No could mean "open to suggestion"

Which is bollocks.

Naysa Thu 07-Mar-13 00:05:09

MrsMushroom

"*What she really means when she says 'no' to sex*"

" acting abruptly on your impulses can put her under pressure and be real turn-off. Giving her time to warm up to the idea can change the whole course of your evening."

" But feeling suddenly groped isn’t always exciting for women."

IMO these are great suggestions and are in no way suggesting that a man should ignore what his partners say.

The article is saying that you got a no because of these reasons. Next time, try this and you are more likely to get a yes.

The title of the piece is What she really means when she says 'no' to sex. So the bit about why he says no is extra.

It's hardly claiming to be a comprehensive explaination of why your partner says no, exploring the variables, techniques and emotions. hmm

WorraLiberty Thu 07-Mar-13 00:05:28

Errm well considering multiple orgasms aren't exactly the norm...despite what many erotic novels/literature might have women believe...I'd say "ladies let go of your expectation for multiple orgasms", is pretty good advice.

If not fairly obvious advice but there you go.

MrsMushroom Thu 07-Mar-13 00:06:20

Nayasa those observations are the frigging ABC of sex in this day and age. They're bloody irrelevant unless you're 15 and having sex education!

MrsMushroom Thu 07-Mar-13 00:07:16

Bollocks I expect the best when it comes to sex. If I don't enjoy it then I'm not doing it. My body is too important for me to just let it get fucked out of politeness.

Naysa Thu 07-Mar-13 00:07:35

No where does it say they shoud doubt he word no! Nor does it suggest it.

It gives the reasons why the man was rejected and gives tips for what to do IN THE FUTURE. That seems to be the vital bit that you're missing.

MrsMushroom Thu 07-Mar-13 00:09:51

Nayasa the clue is in the title.....What she really means when she says no....nothing! She means NO!" There's no "really" about it!

Naysa Thu 07-Mar-13 00:11:35

MrsMushroom what are you reading? It's a crappy Yahoo article written to fill space.

Stop behaving like it's being written as gospel.

No where doea it say that no means yes.

It's giving valid tips on how to improve the chance of having sex and also emphasing the way some actions impact you sexual partner and why they said no.

Darkesteyes Thu 07-Mar-13 00:12:06

So the author is saying that as women we should let men have sex ON us rather than WITH us. Bollocks to that.

MrsMushroom Thu 07-Mar-13 00:13:13

Nayasa I'll behave as I like thank you. hmm

It's a crappy and offensive article which is all over one of the most well read sites on the net.

Darkesteyes Thu 07-Mar-13 00:13:49

And it mentions Fifty Shades as part of the sexual revolution?????!!!!

MrsMushroom Thu 07-Mar-13 00:15:03

What a twonk she is! The author of the article I mean.

Naysa Thu 07-Mar-13 00:17:31

Darkesteyes what? The author as given legitimate tips on how to get your partner in the mood.

MrsMushroom NAYSA not nayasa. How rude hmm wink

Darkesteyes Thu 07-Mar-13 00:20:49

Naysa if the article also said that the man should also let go of his expectations for orgasms then it wouldnt be a mysogynistic article. But it doesnt say that. It just says that the woman should let go of her expectations of it.

Hey 1885 called. They want their article back.

MrsMushroom Thu 07-Mar-13 00:21:01

Oh get real Naysa...it's commonplace on here for people to get spellings wrong. Only people who are looking to deflect feign offense.

Darkesteyes Thu 07-Mar-13 00:22:33

Women are people with needs and expectations too. We are not mastabatory aids.

WorraLiberty Thu 07-Mar-13 00:25:04

Naysa I totally agree with you

I think some people are deliberately reading their own agendas into this article and therefore cannot see it for the good that was intended....although I think it was clumsily written.

The OP for example wrote, The long and short of it, is apparently a woman means yes if you approach sex right and a man means yes if a woman doesn't expect an orgasm hmm

It was abundantly clear to me from just a very quick read that it stated 'multiple' orgasms and not a woman expecting no orgasm at all.

catgirl1976 Thu 07-Mar-13 08:44:08

It's badly written, badly titled and full of sweeping generalisations and stupid assumptions and gender stereotypes but I don't think it's worth getting het up over tbh

She's not saying anything other than "if you think your wife gets really turned on if you just try to stick your penis in her with no build up and let her do all the washing up, she doesn't, so try a different approach"

She's just saying it really badly

nailak Thu 07-Mar-13 09:21:34

maybe it is badly titled. Has anyone suggested to them they change the title?

maddening Thu 07-Mar-13 09:28:06

Mainly she says that groping and pushing sex on a partner is not good and making a partner feel inadequate won't help - I think you're seeing something that's not there

Dannilion Thu 07-Mar-13 10:11:24

Mountain. Molehill.

OP haven't you got a bra to be burning somewhere?

VanitasVanitatum Thu 07-Mar-13 10:33:18

You need to get a grip OP. I would often have loved for my exP to get me in the mood but he would just approach in the wrong way at the wrong time because he didn't consider that it takes me longer to warm up, so we would both end up missing out. If you are in a warm loving and trustful relationship and you turn down sex, it is ok for your partner to try to understand why, because they know and understand you as a person. It's not at all about women being forced or used, if you're in the kind of relationship where that could occur you need to get out now. This article is about communication and seduction. You are hysterical and you're being very aggressive to posters for no reason.

Growlithe Thu 07-Mar-13 10:42:17

We've had a similar conversation recently. What with DCs, work house and also a few bereavements over the last few years, we'd kind of lost our way in this part of our life.

We had a good frank talk and a lot of these points came up. It wasn't that DH (or me just as often) didn't take no for an answer, because we did. It was just that we needed to work through why the answer was so often no. It was mostly to do with time, making time for each other. Obvious really, but sometimes you can't see the wood for the trees.

Tee2072 Thu 07-Mar-13 11:01:41

MrsMushroom getting so worked up about it that you're misquoting and calling people by the wrong names is not helping your cause.

It's Yahoo. Who gives a fuck what they say anyway?

Honestly, I can't think of a single man who would even read that tripe, never mind act on it.

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